Wednesday, 12 August 2009

Time, Rolling Along With The Waves

So, once again I need to apologise for not being around much. Work has been ridiculously busy, and isn't aided by the fact that a girl in my team (we'll call her LW) has started talking to me, but when she does she DOES NOT EVER STOP.

I was a little ahead of my work, I went to print my last letter of the day at 3:15, leaving me a good 45 minutes to blog and catch up before I could go home. Except, she picked up a letter from the printer at the same time and started talking. I kept trying to interject to say "Well, I'd better get back to work" but it just didn't happen. Until 3:55 when I finally said "Dude, I'm leaving in 5 minutes, I've gotta go."

Then yesterday, I'd literally just brought up my web browser and she came over to my desk to chat for another 45 minutes. It might have been longer actually, I don't remember. It's a wonder we didn't get shouted at (I mean, my stats are great, so I guess I wouldn't really get in trouble anyway). When I move to the new desk, there's a strong chance it will be worse, as she'll be sitting directly behind me but up one desk - so diagonally kind of. Right now, she's at the opposite end of the office. Lord help me.

She's really nice and I like her (and my GOD is she skinny, she is total fucking thinspo every damn day) but my goodness the girl can talkkkk haha.

Anyway, onto updates.

In the past week (or, god, has it been nearly 2??) I've manged to gain another pound, and am down half a pound today. So I'm still a little up, but it could be worse. I'm getting down because I've lost like NO weight so I'll still be a huge fucking cow when I go to Canada, and suddenly I'm notsomuch looking forward to shopping (except I WILL be doing clothes-hair-skincare-etc shopping with N). Sigh. This past week has been random. I upped my calorie intake a little to keep my metabolism running, but stayed under 1000 every day. Yet still gained a pound (which is now down to a half, thank god). But, I tend to plateau when I'm stressed, and the past week I've been stressed to hell. Work, home, being absolutely fucking exhausted...

I now have to walk home from my bus stop after work (so after a total of two to two-and-a-half hours bus journey to and from, plus 7-9 hours at work), which is good and bad. Good because it is exercise but bad because it's always right after I've spent a good hour trying not to fall asleep on my bus. I swear to god I actually dozed off yesterday and was jolted awake when the driver slammed on his brakes to avoid hitting some little retard. And the walk is 20-25 minutes, uphill the entire way. My calves ache like hell this morning from the walk, which is mostly a good thing, except that the right on is also cramping and that is bad. I'm already so tired right now, the weather is shit, my back and all of the muscles in my neck are aching from stress and exhaustion, I can seriously barely keep my eyes open right now and it's 10:45 in the morning... And I know I have that walk ahead of me.

And girls, right now it feels so daunting. All I want to do is curl up and sleep but I can't. I can't relax. There's always something.

At least it's forcing my lazy ass to get some exercise though, right?

Food plan right now is, from today, pushing lower again. Lunch is a 10 calorie soup, and to be honest I don't even particularly want it right now. I feel like most of me is still asleep, including my digestive system, and it doesn't want to be woken up. But I should probably get something to drink at some point anyway and it might as well be chicken flavoured. Tonight I'll have my 220 calorie Shepherd's Pie and that should be it for the day.

Although realistically, I could just go home and straight to bed and try to relax and get some fucking sleep. We'll see.

Sidenote: at the cinema on Monday night (we went to see Orphan - SO GOOD, although nearish to the beginning I had an inkling of what the surprise would be, and was glad that I was half-right but that they did it REALISTICALLY instead of throwing bullshit all over the place like most movies do), my aunt was stressing about how she thinks she's overeating. To put this in perspective, what she had all day:

Breakfast: 1/2 a weetabix with a little milk
Lunch: 100 calorie tomato cup-a-soup
Dinner: A bowl of some manner of soup that J made for them.
Snack: a handful of Ritz crackers

I was like " are not overeating. If that's all I ate in a day you would shout at me."

I think because she's had a different surgery from J and H, and it's more possible for her to overeat, she's therefore convinced that she IS overeating. And I'm like... chill.

I dunno, anyway, I need to get back to work. And try not to pass out. I AM SO TIRED, and I'm so sore all over. My sore neck is making my head hurt >.<


Anonymous said...

that was a long post! =) you have so much to catch up on since you been gone. real life thinspo is always the best. although it makes you want to kill them.. >.> but whos thinking that? LOL. keep up the good workie. <3

Ana's Girl said...

Ugh. People like that can be so annoying. It's like, hello, you're wasting time that i don't even have. Maybe talking burns massive calories and that's why she's so darn skinny. Haha. (Just kidding.)

I know what you mean about always being stressed out and tired. I feel the exact same way. All i can say is push though it and it'll have to get better eventually.

Stay strong, lovely.