Tuesday, 18 August 2009

Confession (graphicness warning!)

Tonight was kind of bad. Not as bad as it could have been but just bad.

I was really down this evening, still. And for some reason I decided to make it worse and have a handful of Doritos instead of soup or anything. Only a handful turned into more than I should have eaten. So then I Started freaking out and felt really sick and dizzy and went and purged as much as I could. Only, because I'd barey had anything to drink all day, the stuff at the bottom was all dry and horrible and thick and SCRAPED up my throat and I thought I was going to choke to death on it. And then afterward I just felt really sick and dizzy and headachey and horrible and had a lot to drink and went to bed and just passed out for like 2 or 3 hours.

Everytime I purge (whether I make myself do it or it happens "on its own" so to speak) I always feel terrible. All night I've felt really sick like I've got a ridiculous cold and just all around yickiness. I think I have a fever since I'm super hot, which is not like me - I am ALWAYS cold. But this just backs up the fact that I could never, ever give over to Mia and live my life with her. To me, it's not worth feeling like this.

Anyway, tomorrow will be my scheduled fast day as my aunts won't be home until around 8 (maybe later) tomorrow so I can definitely get away without having anything at all. And I am damn well going to stick to it.

It totally helps that the idea of eating anything right now turns my stomach =P

Night folks, hope you've had a good one!

6 comments:

Fleur said...

Wow that is graphic! :) good luck fasting!

Lady Destroyed said...

*pat pat* Evil Doritos. Hope you're feeling better.

Lady Destroyed said...

*pat pat* Evil Doritos. Hope you're feeling better.

Vee said...

Doritos are evil bitches, yes =/

zipped.lipped said...

Omigosh, I completely know how you feel. I get the worst guilt after just the littlest slip up on any type food/ calorie intake.

Vee said...

@zipped.lipped: Yeah, it's probably not good but I can't help stressing. I mean I didn't even make myself purge, I just freaked out and FELT so sick that it happened =/ Last night, even though I hadn't eaten in over 24 hours, I actually started feeling guilty because I didn't FEEL hungry. That is fucked up...