Sunday, 10 January 2010


I just want to write a quick post to thank you. I'll reply to individual comments soon, likely tomorrow (or rather today, since it's nearly 1am here in jolly ol' England). But I read what you guys have said on my last post, and I just want to hug you all.

I never had any doubts that you would understand what I meant, how I feel, and where I'm coming from when I say the things that I do. I can be myself here. I can bare my soul, with all its imperfections, and say EXACTLY what I think and feel... and know that I'm not alone with you all here at my side.

I would be lost without you all, and you are all such beautiful people. I wish only the best for each of you, and feel blessed that I've become a part of this blog community, if only because of you, the other people here that make it worthwhile. Without whose support, I would be lost and alone.

So thank you. It seems so insufficient, but I don't know how to put it into any other words.

I love you all.

Saturday, 9 January 2010

All I want...

Is to be happy.

By which I mean, to be skinny and beautiful and loved.

I'm restricting and I still feel like a failure. Like a fraud. Like an obese, ugly monster.

Sometimes I catch my reflection in the mirror and it takes my breath away. My reflection is always large and whale-like - I have no illusions there. But sometimes I look into a mirror and don't believe that the beautiful face with the smouldering blue eyes and sarcastically-playful smirk can possibly be me. I feel vain, and then I feel guilty for feeling vain, because my face does not make up for the mass of lard that is my body.

But then, when I'm at home and all of the makeup is scrubbed off and I can see the bare skin underneath... I cringe and wonder what I ever saw in myself that could possibly be beautiful. My beauty is false, and I only ever feel pretty when my mask is fully in place.

I feel like I will never be perfect. I will never attain the state of grace and beauty that I want. I don't deserve to attain it. No matter how far I restrict, even if I turned to purging and became best friends with Mia - no matter how hard I exercise or starve, I will never be beautiful.

No matter how skinny and fabulous my body becomes - Yes, maybe one day I'll have ribs and hipbones and pelvic bones and clavicles and bumps down my spine, but what use is the perfect body when it's attached to the face of a horse? - the truth is that the only true beauty I will ever have is that which I meticulously paint upon my countenance each morning. And even that is a lie.

And THAT is the reason why I spend so much money on high-brand makeup.

Because the mask I create for myself every day is the closest I will ever come to being something worth looking at. And it might be a lie, but it's all I have.

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

What the hell...?

I think my body is in its own time zone.

I'll beak it down for you. The first couple of days on ABC, I managed to gain THREE pounds. It was probably a late gain from all the Southern Comfort I had on New Year's eve, but I gained and it was depressing just the same, and demotivating, and I didn't want to mention it here because gaining weight, even when I'm actively restricting, tastes like failure and it's embarassing. But for the sake of full disclosure and honesty - and hey, when I have to admit it and be truthful, I'm less likely to fuck up because I have to answer to you guys! - there it is. A couple days late, but whatever.

Then to make matters worse, yesterday I was at home all day with my aunt and I will admit: I binged.

And when I say I binged I don't mean I ate a couple of cookies and a sandwich. By my calculations, my total calorie intake was around 2,000. So I consumed FOUR times the amount I was allotted on ABC.

But the fucked up part? I've LOST a little over a pound. Maybe eating a "normal" amount of calories for the first time in a long time has woken up my metabolism a little? Maybe the fact that the night before last and last night, I had my first two consecutive DECENT NIGHTS' SLEEP in years helped? Fuck me, I have no idea. And I'll probably wake up tomorrow 5lbs heavier, but right now this just feels totally bizarre, and I do not understand one bit.

Today is okay so far. 200 Calorie cap for today, and I've only had some low-cal soup with a couple crackers and a load of Pepsi Max. I'm not hungry in the slightest so will probably skip dinner, have a shower shortly, and go to bed early.

I didn't have to go to work today, since the snow is still pretty bad up here, and our road is a mess of ice, snow, and slush. And I don't live near the main road where I catch my bus to work, so I called and said I couldn't make it (my manager seemed ok with it, I felt bad and was all apologetic, but he was like "You can't help it!"). It's been snowing on and off kinda heavily again today, but I'll probably have to go in tomorrow all the same. In spite of the fact that I have no boots, my "winter" coat is thinner than half of the hoodies I own, and I've no gloves to my name either since I lost them on the bus last year and haven't found a new pair I like enough to buy...

So, back to work tomorrow. Which is depressing in itself, sigh.

I'm sure there was something else I was going to write about here today, but I really can't remember. So I think I'm going to have a shower, maybe a nap, and then straighten my hair for work tomorrow. And maybe even give myself a much-needed manicure. FUN TIMES WHUT.

Also: I love how I keep saying I can't afford a pair of boots because the ones I like are all upwards of £100, yet I have no qualms with the fact that the list of cosmetics I'm ordering from MAC's two new limited edition collections tomorrow comes to just under £120. I'm such a hypocrite. And makeup obsessed.

I should make one of my New Year's Resolutions to try to cut my makeup spending, even by a third. Lord knows I could use the money (and I pretty desperately need some new bedroom furniture, since the shit I bought from Argos a year and a half ago is basically falling apart at this point.)

Anyway, I'm rambling again. I'm off now!

Monday, 4 January 2010

And Today's Another Day

Didn't do too bad caloriewise today. May have gone over my limit again, but if I did it's only super minor =]

I don't have all that much to write about tonight - shock horror, I know that's not like me at all, right?! - but I think it's primarily because I'm so tired. If you've been reading my blog for a while you'll know I'm nearly always tired, even when I'm not restricting particularly hard (or, even the times when I was eating normally), and I very rarely sleep "well". So I'm not surprised but it's still frustrating as hell to be checking your clock until nearly 4 in the morning waiting to fall asleep. I *should* go to the doctor, but even when I tried prescription sleeping pills they did nothing but make me feel hungover in the morning.

I should also probably go to the doctor for some depression meds, but I'm one of those people who refuses to go see a medical professional until I absolutely have to. I like to live by the "if I ignore it long enough, it'll go away" approach. Which yes, I realize is wrong. I think part of it is that, I feel self conscious about going to the doctor and having to explain how I feel and WHY I feel the way I do. I want to say that the way I feel is just "situational" depression, and everything will be better when I find a job (or when I'm skinny, or when I have a boyfriend, or when I'm rich and famous, et al.) But even as I say it, I know I'm kidding myself. I've been depressed to one degree or another since I was a child, forchrissakes. But, I can't be bothered.

Also, it's like admitting I have a problem. Wheras not having to take medication means I'm not "clinically" depressed. I'm undiagnosed, so it doesn't count. I Realize I sound like an idiot, but I don't really care.

There I go rambling, right after I say I have nothing to talk about =] At least I'm consistent!

Anyway, work today was... more of the same. Irritating and depressing. And something malfunctioned with my phone so as soon as I hung up a call another one came RIGHT through - we're talking, I haven't even let go of the receiver yet - four times in a row. I hadn't even finished dealing with the previous ones before I was getting more.

And then of course my manager was all "So, how're you finding it so far?" And I kind of sighed and fought the urge to roll my eyes with deep sarcasm. And I said I don't like taking calls. Which he already knows. But that so far the kinds of calls I've been taking have been easy ones, which I more or less know the answers to. I haven't had anybody shout at me yet or ask me shit I haven't heard of at ALL - I mean I don't know much but at least the things I've been getting asked I've heard of in passing, if that makes sense.

But that said, I still detest it. I would rather pull the covers over my head and bawl into my pillow every morning instead of going into work. And I find myself finding reasons to log my phone out of the queue to take calls. Today it was "Oh I can't find any record of taking that fraud test on my records. I'll do it again now just to be sure!"


My best friend S sent me through a link on our intranet to apply for a job in her building. Not in her team specifically, and it doesn't sound like the typical entry-level admin job I was doing before either, it seems to have more responsabilities. And the other bonus is the pay - it says minimum is £14,000 and max is around £17,800 (I'm currently on 16K and it would be a nightmare and a half to have to go back to a job that only pays minimum wage, which is around 10 grand or something ridiculous like that). So anyway, I was thinking of applying, since it's internal it links through to our HR accounts and it looks like there's no need to add in a CV/Resume or actual application, it just sends your records through to the people who are hiring for the position. But I also noticed that before it sends through to the other area for perusal, it is first sent to your manager to "approve."

Right, because when you hate your job so much you want to kill yourself half the time, and your boss doesn't care, you of course want to ask his fucking permission to apply for another job. Which is bullshit, but I don't care, I think I'll send it anyway. Worst case scenario they say no and my manager actually recognizes that I have no intention to stay where I am.

Soo, that's that.

The bonus is that I've got tomorrow off work. My manager was figuring out my hours (our hours are on a 4-week "month" and in that month we have to work our 140 hours that we're contracted to. Which means that instead of working 7 hours every day we have a little flexibility to work 6 and 8 or other variations, as long as we're on target at the end of the "month." When I started on the call centre, I was still clocking in down in my old team, but then moved up to this one and nobody had bothered to add the figures together yet, so I had no idea where I stood and my manager was under the impression that I was down by 23 hours. Pfft) and it turned out I had worked an extra 4 and a half hours. So, I booked the day off tomorrow to "use" those hours up. I have to work an extra two and a half to make up the rest of the day, but fuck, it's better than having to go in tomorrow right?

So tomorrow is a 500 calorie day I do believe. And I'm just generally going to try to stay as low as I can. The downside is that my aunt is home and although she's trying to be more sensible about her eating (not bingeing on sugary food or snacking throughout the day and night) she has a tendency to try and watch what I'm eating. Even in the same breath as telling me I need to lose weight and I'm fat. Which makes complete sense. But with 500 I've got room to play around.

SO, just one comment reply for now, that I'm aware of. If I missed something, smack me upside the head k?

Phantasmagorical Delusions: I tried your suggestion and microwaved the apples-cinnamon-splenda. Holy crap, it was beyond amazing. I felt like I should be feeling guilty and horrible and bingey but it totally wasn't which was awesommmme. I think that is going to become a staple in my diet =] And I might add it to my foodblog as a yummy tip because, wow everyone needs to try it!

Haha as to the weather, since I grew up in Canada, the notion of a -50 degree windchill is not at all alien to me - yet when it drops to 0 here I'm the first to start bitching and complaining about how cold I am. It makes no sense, but I can't help it haha. I could NEVER live somewhere where it was cold all the time, I'm just not built for it (half the time I'm shivering under a sweater in summer when the rest of my family is sweltering), but I couldn't live anywhere that had NO snow at all either. I'm just difficult to please lol.

Thanks for your comments on my other blog too, and I'm glad you like both of them =] It motivates me a little more to know someone is reading the foodblog and liking what I'm doing, so I'm more likely to add some more to it (the book is sitting in front of me as I type but I can't find the will or energy to type out more recipes just now haha.)

Anyway, I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog, past and future. All the best doll, if you ever want to talk just drop me a comment =]

Also, my other readers: you should check out her blog. It's real, it's a good read, and I find it genuinely interesting as well. And she writes about more than JUST ED/food issues, which is the type of blog I like to read... It's more.. substantial, y'know? I find them more interesting anyway!

Commentorizing / Update

Phantasmagorical Delusion: (Holy crap I love your username!) I love them too =] So tasty and sweet and like you said, totally guilt-free. I haven’t had them in ages though since I kept forgetting to buy Splenda (I don’t use sugar in anything else at home). I’ve never tried them microwaved though! I didn’t bring the apple to work this morning since I was running late and it was icy as hell outside, so I might try it for dessert when I get home tonight. I’m looking forward to trying it now lol.. Being positive is hella hard, but I keep telling myself that negativity isn’t going to get me anywhere faster so I might as well try to be a little bit more upbeat. But then, pretending to be happier and more upbeat than I am sometimes bites me in the ass (I’m pretty sure my new manager thinks I love it here, since I’m not bitching all the time and am trying to be nice instead of complaining about how miserable I am every 5 minutes)… Also, I’ve followed your blog now =]

Dot: Yay, you sorted out your comments box <3 I’ll read your blog properly tonight. The background isn’t that bad now either, so ignore my bitching before, lol. I can read it fine today for some reason, must’ve been tired eyes yesterday. Haha, Genki <3 I’m trying anyway! The thumb is mostly ok now thanks, although it feels like I have reptile scales on it instead of my usually fairly-soft skin ^.^

Hanz: That’s a really good idea. Actually, I told myself ages ago that I was going to do just that, save money that otherwise would have been spent on bingeing or food, but never got around to it (I’m really bad for planning and never following through =/). But I think I might make a point of starting putting the money aside. Next time my aunts ask if I want to order pizza, I’ll put £15 aside lol.

Ana’s Girl: I agree, I’m the same way. I always comment on blogs and then either forget I’ve commented or just forget to check back to see if there are replies. I do it all the time lol.

Also, I’ve done so well today so far. It’s 2:15 in the afternoon and I’ve had 0 calories. I forgot my apple this morning because I was running late and didn’t get a chance to enter the kitchen before I left for work. Then figured I might as well skip the 10kcal soup for lunch. I’m just having one of those days where I’m not in the MOOD for food. Thank god, I need a no/little food day!

So tiredddd, but I need to get back to work so I’ll write more later when I’m at home =]

Sunday, 3 January 2010


Girl, I love your new blog layout but I can't really read the light-pink-on-more-shades-of-pink =/ And your comments box isn't loading for some reason. Click on Post A Comment, and nothing happens. Maybe it's just me the page isn't loading properly for, but thought I would tell you! <3 xxx

CBB Thinspo??

PS: Holy fucking god. I was just roped into watching the first episode of Celebrity Big Brother, and that Nicola Tappenden chick? 23 Inch Waist. One of the photos they showed of her in her intro is like HELLO BEAUTIFUL RIBS!

Might be a reason to watch it this year.


Ok, just as I loaded up Blogger to post this, I opened up the Chococat 2010 Diary that I bought to write daily calorie stuff in, AND IT SMELLS LIKE MOTHERFUCKING CHOCOLATE.

That is ONLY awesome because it isn't making me crave it.


Today wasn't a great food-day. I definitely went over the 300 cals I was allotted for Day 3, the Sunday Dinner notwithstanding there was ice cream for dessert and J assumed I wanted a ton so she gave me a full bowl full Fuck, I love ice cream. So that was my weakness for today, I ate more ice cream than I should have.

I was toying with the idea of changing plans and starting ABC again tomorrow, but for the sake of a few calories it isn't worth restarting. Not least of all because the totals are already written in my diary! I mean, tomorrow is a 400 day and the day after is a 500 day anyway, so for the sake of "restarting" I'm practically on the same daily caps anyway. So, tomorrow remains Day 4 =]

Didn't get a chance to weigh in this morning, as I woke up late and was rushing around for when my grandparents turned up for dinner. Probably up slightly as I had a few chips (fries) and part of a slice of garlic bread last night at Bingo, but not by much.

Tomorrow's plan of attack!

Breakfast: Apple with cinnamon and Splenda: 80
Lunch: 10-kcal Soup: 10
Dinner: Weight Watchers' Frozen Meal: 300
Total: 3809

Which means I should be just on target for the day. =]

It makes me happy to restrict and plan within an allowance and hit it!

I sound really upbeat today, and I'm making an effort to try to be more positive in general (it's another resolution for 2010, but I'm not sure how long it will last). But the truth is that right now I'm fantasizing about falling in the ice and snow and breaking my leg in three places so I won't be able to go to work for a few weeks.

And then I get really disappointed that it won't happen.

I think I'm more depressed than usual today because I had an amazing dream last night. I dreamed I met this gorgeous, amazingly sweet guy and we were hanging out and doing day to day things together but it was so fucking nice. And then I woke up and remembered that I've been alone for a year and a half. I haven't been laid in two weeks short of two YEARS. And my depression over my loneliness just got me depressed all over again about everything. This whole bullshit with my job just makes the past four years working for this company a waste. Four years I COULD have been doing something with my life instead of going nowhere fast. That I'm stuck at square one again and have nothing but a 5 thousand pound credit card debt and a broken heart to show for it.

So. Happy New Year.

Let's make 2010 the Year Of Change.

(comments to come tomorrow)

Friday, 1 January 2010

Happy New Year! & Day One

So, back into the ABC world I go.

But before I get into that, last night!

Last night was pretty awesome. My makeup looked fabulous, but my camera wouldn't take a decent picture, nevermind the fact that my face looked effing HUGE in all of them. Sigh.

But anyway. At first I was really not looking forward to going out. I was exhausted and I'm already basically broke and payday isn't for another 3-4 weeks. Plus, the place H and S2 decided to go was horrible. For some reason, before heading to the gayclub that was the night's destination, they decided they wanted to start off in this really grungy area full of hobos and chavs and dirty old men. The first pub we went into had karaoke on, and a group if about 6 uber-chavvy guys and this woman who wasn't quite all there mentally kept trying their best to DESTROY THE WORLD with their vocals. It was horrible but kind of amusing. Who knew the chav-dance was derived from the ever-terrible dad-dance?

From there we went to another pub, which was more of the same crap, but less karaoke and more dirty old men and Motown music that kept skipping.

Finally got to the gayclub and in the end it was a decent night out. A friend's partner somehow managed to get me cage-dancing with her at one point. Apparently my aunt got it on video, BUT IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. I hit my Most New Year's Kisses last year... Two lesbian friends of ours, H's husband, and some random gay dude I have never met. This adorable drag queen came over to give me a hug too, and she was so sweet. She looked good, unlike a lot of bad crossdressers that tend to frequent that place, but seemed really shy and quiet and was mostly sat on her own. She danced with us for a while before we left.

It was a night of revelations too. While we were sitting with some drinks after the dancing and just before leaving, my aunt turned to me and asked "V, what's your opinion on men dressed in women's clothes?" And I just shrugged, you know, to each their own. I don't care. I'm friends with drag queens, my best guyfriend is gay, and my sister is marrying a crossdresser. It's all good. Well apparently our buddy S2, H's hubby, occasionally cross-dresses. And I guess he was scared about how we would take it. He told my aunts after much hesitation but in the end he couldn't bring himself to tell me and got my aunt to do it. Which is weird, I suppose maybe he wasn't sure how we'd react and what I'd think. Pff, whatever.

Of course now we've got plans to take him out on the town in full regalia and I'm on Makeup Artist duties. Which actually sounds like a shitton of fun.

The downside is he has better legs than any of the women in the club. Bastard.

So, we got home maybe around 2? And had something to eat (a cheese toastie each made in these handy toaster packet things) before bed. And it was absolutely fucking freezing, so I grabbed my hot water bottle and put the kettle on to fill it up and make J a cup of coffee. Only, while I was filling the hot water bottle, I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing (I can't even blame it on intoxication as I was only slightly inebriated and hangover-free) and poured boiling water all over my thumb. The damage is concentrated mostly on the top hanlf, only a little bit of scalding extending below the joint. But fuckshit it hurt like a mother.

In the end I didn't get to sleep until after 5:30 because the pain was so intense. I wound up with an ice pack on it, but after a while that wasn't cold enough anymore, so I got a face cloth and a mug of cold-cold water and kept dipping the cloth in water and wrapping it around my thumb. The only problem is, once the heat had transferred and the cloth wasn't icy anymore, it started burning all over again so I had to repeat. It took forever to get to sleep and a corner of my bed is still damp from the wet cloths.

In the end I managed to get to sleep though - after I decided that cutting off the blood flow to the burned area might make it hurt less / at least stop throbbing, so I wrapped a hair elastic several times around under the knuckle. Sure enough, as the blood flow slowed, the burning sensation mostly went away and I was able to pass out. OF COURSE this probably wasn't the best idea. When I woke up this morning, I couldn't feel my thumb at all and when I took the elastic band off, there was a deep mark in my skin where it had bitten into the flesh for several hours, and it looked pretty bruised from the pressure. Oops!

Whatever though, at least I got some fucking sleep!

It's still sore today but not really burny-throbby thank goodness, so at least I didn't sear the flesh off or anything, ew.

Upside to today, is that I'm down 2lbs from yesterday. Which gives me a net weight loss of 4.8lbs since we got home from Mexico. Granted, that was a week and a half ago, but progress is progress, right? I'm not comfortable enough with my numbers to post them here yet, but once I manage to get back into the 100's (i'm not THAT far above but still self-conscious about it) I will. In the meantime I'm keeping track in a spreadsheet.

So today is Day 1 of my ABC. I might wind up a little over, as I couldn't get out of going to McDonald's for lunch. Had a burger, a couple of fries (literally only a couple, I gave the rest to J), and a Sprite to drink, and the calories are 510 according to an online source. I felt really sick and thought I was going to vomit before we left, but I didn't and I have mixed feelings. Throwing up = involuntary purging which means no calories but I don't have to feel guilty about inducing a purge and turning to Mia's "dark side." On the other hand, purging is purging and I hate being sick and hoping for an "involuntary" purge still makes it Mia, doesn't it?

So, I kept it down. It's nearly 4pm and I'm 10 calories over my limit for today, but that's not so bad. My aunt knows I felt sick earlier though so I can probably quite easily get out of eating anything else for the rest of the day. So Day 1 is mostly a success, I think, as long as I can keep away from food for the rest of the day =]

Day 2 tomorrow is another 500 day which should be easy enough - I'm going out with S and maybe L tomorrow and we're meeting for coffee, so I might just get a plain coffee with skimmed milk and splenda, eat nothing and when I get home I can tell my aunt that we went to lunch and I stuffed myself so I'm not hungry for anything to eat for dinner.

Day 3 on Sunday is going to be difficult though. It's a 300 calorie day, but I've got my grandparents coming over for Sunday Dinner with turkey-etc. I'll probably wind up going a little over, but I figure my aunts know "I'm on a diet" so whatever is served to me I do not need to feel obligated to finish it at all, and shouldn't get a lot of hack for leaving food on my plate. I think what I might do it just eat like, half of what's served to me. The calories shouldn't be TOO bad - we are having turkey, Stovetop Stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy, but the rest is just veggies like cabbage and maybe cauliflower. It will probably still be over 300 though. I'll just have to compensate on Monday and cut my calories down a bit further I guess.

Anyway, that's the plan for the next few days. Today I'm still super tired, but I need to sort my room out. I still haven't unpacked, haha, so it looks so cluttered in here!

Happy New Year to you all! What are your resolutions? Beside the obvious lol.

My resolutions are to:

1. Lose at least 50lbs by the time I go to Canada in the summer (that's a conservative 10lbs a month and that should be doable, right?)

2. Continue my Japanese learning and use at least one medium each day (Rosetta Stone, DS Game, Kana flashcards)

3. Draw up a list of weight loss rewards and stick to it!

4. Join a gym and go at least 3 times every week for an average of 2 hours a day. Ideally more but this will be my minimum.

5. See ABC through to the very end!

6. Find someone to love

There was more that I wanted to definitely accomplish this year, but now that it comes to writing it out, I can't quite remember what they were =/

Anyway I'm going to go for a nap! Have a great one, skinnies!

Vee xox

Work Rant


Ok before I get into the New Year shebang, I owe you all, yet another, work rant.

Basically, what happened is that I got metaphorically shat upon. If you've been following my blog recently you'll know that I was recently moved from a pension admin team to a pension helpdesk (read: call centre), and that it is so shit that my mood has plummetted something obscene.

The week between Christmas and New Year is notoriously slow for our company. Since we deal primarily with scheme administrators, employers and financial advisers and other finance companies/pension providers, there's always less work coming in, since most of those people tend to take the week off. Hell, I would be too if I had the holiday allowance left.

So, on Tuesday when I came in, my manager mentioned that, if it was really dead, they'd probably let people go home early. Which I was all for, since my sleep patterns have been even more fucked than usual (Monday night I got to sleep at 5 and my alarm went off at 7). So, come about 1:30, one of the other managers (the area I work in is a huge team divided into 4 subteams, all doing the same work but with different managers) came over to say that they're letting a few people go home early. One person from each subteam. So, my manger asks "So who wants to be the first one to go home?" and I put my hand up but so did everyone else.

Except for one dude, who said he "wasn't bothered about going home early" and didn't mind staying until the normal closing time. To be fair, my manager decided to draw a name randomly, like a fun raffle. And in the end, dude who didn't mind staying got to go home early. Sigh.

Then an hour later, it was time for the second person in teach team to go. Except, instead of drawing names and making it fair and random, my manager just stood up, got his stuff and said "Right ok, I'm off, see you tomorrow!"

What the shit.

So, me and two others had to stay until our usual finishing time.

Then Wednesday was more of the same. One of the other two guys who had to stay to our usual time were in, along with the two who went home early the day before, and one other guy who was off on Tuesday. So I figured, to make it fair, the two of us that had to stay the night before should be the two to go if they decided to let people go early.

At 2, because it was really quiet and there weren't enough calls coming in to keep everyone sufficiently busy, they decided to do it again. Instead of doing it randomly, my manager let the other guy who'd stayed the night before, go early. Since he stayed an hour later than me (the shift I work is usually 8:30 - 4, wheras this other dude always works until 5 instead and takes a longer lunch) he should get to go home early. Which I understood, but if our manager had let me go at 2 and other dude go at 3 then we'd both be in an equal boat and leaving exactly 2 hours early.

But, whatever. So he went. And then come 3, my manager came over and I thought, awesome I get to go home! But no. The dude who hadn't been in on Tuesday "wasn't feeling very well" so he got to go at 3 and I got to stay until my usual time.

I mean, I know I'm whining about the sake of one hour, but it was the fact that, if he was sick he should have gone home / not come in regardless of whether the company was letting people go home early. If he was that bad he shouldn't have come into the office to begin with. (paired with the fact that, when asked "What's up with him?" by another of my coworkers, my manager didn't say he was sick at all, just said "Oh he's just feeling old." Right.)

What annoyed me was the fact that, of everyone in our team who worked both Tuesday and Wednesday, I was the only one who didn't get to go home early.

Yesterday I *did* get to go home two hours early though so I'm slightly less irritated about it now. I came in at 8:30 and between then and 10:45 when I was told to go home, I only took two calls, it was SO boring. Of course, this wasn't just because I was the only one who'd had to work "late" the previous two days, everyone else in the team had the option to go at the same time but chose not to because they'd already made plans to meet friends when the office closed at 1.

In the end I was really glad they let me go home early because I needed it. Even though I left at 10:45, I didn't get home until nearly 12:30, and since I'd had like two hours of sleep that night I wanted to try to get a nap in before I started getting ready to go out.

Annyway, that was just my obligatory rantpost (I mean, what would my blog BE without rambling rantings right?), I'm going to do a separate post for New Year's Things =]