Sunday, 3 January 2010


Ok, just as I loaded up Blogger to post this, I opened up the Chococat 2010 Diary that I bought to write daily calorie stuff in, AND IT SMELLS LIKE MOTHERFUCKING CHOCOLATE.

That is ONLY awesome because it isn't making me crave it.


Today wasn't a great food-day. I definitely went over the 300 cals I was allotted for Day 3, the Sunday Dinner notwithstanding there was ice cream for dessert and J assumed I wanted a ton so she gave me a full bowl full Fuck, I love ice cream. So that was my weakness for today, I ate more ice cream than I should have.

I was toying with the idea of changing plans and starting ABC again tomorrow, but for the sake of a few calories it isn't worth restarting. Not least of all because the totals are already written in my diary! I mean, tomorrow is a 400 day and the day after is a 500 day anyway, so for the sake of "restarting" I'm practically on the same daily caps anyway. So, tomorrow remains Day 4 =]

Didn't get a chance to weigh in this morning, as I woke up late and was rushing around for when my grandparents turned up for dinner. Probably up slightly as I had a few chips (fries) and part of a slice of garlic bread last night at Bingo, but not by much.

Tomorrow's plan of attack!

Breakfast: Apple with cinnamon and Splenda: 80
Lunch: 10-kcal Soup: 10
Dinner: Weight Watchers' Frozen Meal: 300
Total: 3809

Which means I should be just on target for the day. =]

It makes me happy to restrict and plan within an allowance and hit it!

I sound really upbeat today, and I'm making an effort to try to be more positive in general (it's another resolution for 2010, but I'm not sure how long it will last). But the truth is that right now I'm fantasizing about falling in the ice and snow and breaking my leg in three places so I won't be able to go to work for a few weeks.

And then I get really disappointed that it won't happen.

I think I'm more depressed than usual today because I had an amazing dream last night. I dreamed I met this gorgeous, amazingly sweet guy and we were hanging out and doing day to day things together but it was so fucking nice. And then I woke up and remembered that I've been alone for a year and a half. I haven't been laid in two weeks short of two YEARS. And my depression over my loneliness just got me depressed all over again about everything. This whole bullshit with my job just makes the past four years working for this company a waste. Four years I COULD have been doing something with my life instead of going nowhere fast. That I'm stuck at square one again and have nothing but a 5 thousand pound credit card debt and a broken heart to show for it.

So. Happy New Year.

Let's make 2010 the Year Of Change.

(comments to come tomorrow)

1 comment:

Phantasmagorical Delusion said...

I *adore* cinnamon apples with splenda! :D My favorite sweet treat. Guilt-free. Do you microwave them to make them all apple pie-like? THE BEST! <3

I'm so glad you're working toward keeping a more positive attitude. I know it's so hard, especially through loneliness and depression...But it will totally be worth it. Optimism and belief in one's self can work *major* wonders. Now I sound corny. Ha. But it's true. That's my primary resolution as well. :) Keep myself positive and the results will come.

I think you're doing an amazing job. Keep it up, love... We're all rooting for you! <3