Thursday, 29 October 2009

I swear to god if one more thing happens I'm going to shoot whoever is in charge of the world.

First of all, sorry for the sporadic updates. My internet is still pretty failley and I haven't been at work to post except for Tuesday and was super super busy. I'm still around though and will post whenever I can.


Went to see a Pink concert last night with my aunts. I'm not huge into her music, always thought she was okay or good but never really made a point to buy her CDs or go out of my way to listen to her. But I have to say, the concert was amaaaazing. I was tres impressed for sure. She did an acoustic set, and some of the songs were better than the record versions.

Got home and went to sleep around 1:30. I had today off so had planned to sleep in and veg out and do absolutely nothing other than enjoy the time off work.

Except, I was woken up at 7 to a phone call from my great-aunt (not the one who's sick, my grandpa's sister who lives next door to him and we barely ever see) telling me my grandfather "has an accident" last night and was in the hospital. Went to the hospital and found out where he was and talked to him. In the end he's mostly okay, he said he took his dog for a walk last night and went into a coughing fit, and as he bent over to cough he had a headrush or something and blacked out, hit the deck, and woke up to paramedics talking to him.

They did a chest xray and things but it came back clear, which is good. I've mentioned before but my grandfather is in heart failure, so of course my immediate response was ohmygodhehadaheartattackhesgoingtoDIE. He's got a couple scrapes on the bridge of his nose and forehead but aside from that he's not marked up or anything.

But, his left hand is in a ton of pain and he can't really move it. He thought he may have landed on it and broke something, and the doctor was going to do an xray today. I think it may have come back clear though as they're keeping him in overnight again for some tests.

He had this same hand issue last year on Boxing Day (I prolly posted about it here and N99 at the time) and the doctors did all sorts of tests to make sure he hadn't had a stroke or heart attack or something, but they never did figure it out. After a couple of days it went away on its own and they let him go.

So.. big stress today. I'm happy he seems to be okay but you never know. And now I'm waiting for the third thing to happen =/

Oh, the best part of this, is that my grandmother is currently over at my other great-aunt's house (her sister, the one who has blood cancer) and we don't have the number there. So I try to call granny's mobile phone to get her and as usual it is turned off. I am SO pissed off. I get it in the neck if I miss a call from her, but hers is turned off when she's away, never mind emergencies or the fact that her husband's been in the hospital like twice in the past year.

Monday, 26 October 2009

Kore wa dame desu

Translation: This is bad. (yes it's pretty lame but it's the first Japanese sentence I've managed to put together on my own that wasn't found or taught as a generic "helpful phrase.")

But yeah. I'll update you more tomorrow but right now I'm still in a state of disbelief over the bullshit of last night. My brain is full of all manner of whatthefuckery.

Hope you're all doing well.


Sunday, 25 October 2009

Because apparently it's "cool" to burn houses down now

There are not even WORDS in my vocabulary (and my vocabulary is extensive!) to explain just how fucking pissed I am. And also there is a lot of disbelief. I want to scream. There is nobody around or online for me to rant or vent to, and nothing to punch without hurting myself. So you get to hear the story.

...and now I'm fucked off that Blogger won't let me fucking past text. GAH.

My aunts got a call about an hour ago from our ex-neighbour, who lived next door to our old house. She called to let them know that a bunch of kids/teens have been hanging around the house and she heard something but wasn't sure, but thought they may have put something through the letterbox. So, my aunts went over to check it out, but this goes fucking above and beyond all the other shit they've had to put up with..

My aunt just called to tell me that these fucking idiots have completely smashed up the gate/fence to the back yard, kicked in the door, and dragged a disposable barbeque set inside the house - clearly they were planning to set it on FIRE and burn it fucking down.

At this point, I could not be HAPPIER THAT WE MOVED THE FUCK AWAY because seriously? No way in hell I would ever feel safe there again with this shit going down.

So the police are there now, my aunt's carpenter-builder friend is coming to do something about the door, and my aunts are coming back here when they're done with the police to get some stuff and are going to have to start sleeping there or something so somebody is there to watch over it I guess.

But the worst part of this, is that the house is attached to the one next door. Our old neighbour has two kids and is currently fostering a baby who isn't even a year old. Yet it's totally fun and okay for them to BURN THE FUCKING HOUSE DOWN.

Seriously I'm so fucked off right now I don't even know what to do.

AND THERE IS NOBODY ONLINE TO VENT TO/BITCH WITH which is not helping the need to let off steam.



Saturday, 24 October 2009


Whoo! Down 1.5 for the week. Yeah, it's not a huge loss, but it's a step in the right direction right?

Hope you're all having a nice weekend. Today was a fabulous day in spite of the rain and the lunch with S. I'm in such a good mood =]

Going for dinner at my granny' house tomorrow. The upside is that she usually makes like 4 different veggies so I can get away with eating a ton of brussel sprouts and broccoli and like one slice of meat. So it shouldn't be too bad. She's stopped serving dessert since my aunts had surgery too which is a total bonus.

Totally going to enjoy the extra hour in bed thanks to the time change tonight too. I was so tired this morning I did not want to get out of bed, even though I went to bed at midnight last night and didn't set my alarm to go off until 10 this morning. I've been more ridiculously tired than usual this week though (hell last Sunday night I got less than 3 hours of sleep) so I think I definitely needed to catch up. When it went off this morning though my first reaction was "...REALLY!?" and I thought I'd set it for work time (6:30/7am) by mistake.

Ugh. Going to go find something to do, I'm bored out of my damn mind!

Love ya!


Thursday, 22 October 2009

Update, Drama, Depression, and Plans

Quick update.

I’m hoping to get back into the swing of my daily or more-than-five-times-a-day updates. My internet at home isn’t entirely sorted out but it seems to be working better on my desktop now than it has been on my laptop. This is what I get for getting a Dell, if it keeps it up I’m going to have to complain =/ Sigh.

Anyway. I haven’t been doing fabulous but I haven’t been doing shit either. I’ve been maintaining – which, let’s be honest, is not really good enough is it?

We’ve been having a notgreat time lately and I’ve been stress eating. Even while I recognize the fact that I’m doing it, it’s been hard to stop. Luckily, it hasn’t been to bingey proportions, so my weight is stable, even though I’m still pretty close to where I was when I came back from Canada. I’m going to TRY to just do a weekly weigh in to help calm my stress levels (we all know how those levels jump sky high once you see a higher number on the scale) and seeing weekly decreases might be more motivating than the ups-and-downs that occur from day to day. We’ll see.

So.. yeah. There’s been drama back in Canada, although not to the extent that it usually is. Drama here has been insane. My aunt went back to work a couple of weeks ago, following her surgery recovery time off. I’m sure I’ve written before about this, but for those who don’t know, my aunt suffers from very severe depression, and her psychologist thinks she’s bipolar as well. Because of the way the NHS works with mental illnesses over here though, means that because she was diagnosed and treated as Borderline Personality Disorder back when she was in her teens in Canada, the doctors here have latched onto that label and are basically turning a blind eye to anything else. So instead of being treated specifically for bipolar disorder, they’re still acting under the assumption she’s Borderline, which may not actually be the case.

She was going through a better period after her surgery, she was all around acting happier and seemed to be on the rise. However, after going back to work her mood has plummeted. There have been some major changes in the structure of the area she works in (she’s a manager in a unit that is home to adults with learning disabilities, and works for the NHS/City Council), and since she went back to work it’s been non-stop stress. Although she was told that they wanted her to go back to work on a phased return (which means starting work at only 4 hours or less per day and working back up to full time), they immediately threw her in and she’s been working an hour or so extra every day. In fact her first day back she got a text saying one of her staff members wanted to talk to her and she had to stay for half an hour to listen to this staff member bitch at her. Nice way to say welcome back no?

So she’s been going downhill and hasn’t been dealing great. Then about a week and a half ago, we found out my grandparents (her parents, obviously) were fighting. It was a huge exorbitant battle in which both parties were threatening to leave, and both parties were constantly calling my aunt to bitch about the other. And then the fight stopped being about what their actual issues were, and became about my aunt. My granny dragged my aunt into things and that just set her off worse. I haven’t seen my aunt cry in a LONG time, but my grandmother made her.

Then the icing on the cake was this past Sunday, when my great-aunt (the one who has uncurable blood cancer) held her little family get together. Both of my grandparents were there and acting as if nothing had happened. My aunt and I spoke to my grandfather and he said granny’s been acting absolutely fine with him again now and the whole thing had blown over. My grandmother is of the belief that she is the warm, happy centre of the universe. So, because she’d let it go, everyone else must as well and be happy happy happy again. My aunt, however, is pissed off at the way granny behaved with her and dragged her into their battles when she had more than enough of her own shit going on. But of course, my grandmother never ever thinks to apologise to somebody else, so there’s still tension there.

And of course it was fucking depressing being there on Sunday and seeing my great-aunt and how she’s gone downhill. I have no idea how long she’s got left, except that she’s still having blood transfusions and the doctors had said she should be gone within six months of them stopping. When they stop, I have no clue.

I’ve been depressed as well, but I’ve been hiding it well. For the first time since I moved here I’ve been questioning whether I made the right decision. My trip to Canada was fabulous and a lot more awesome than I was expecting it to be, and I didn’t want to come home yet. I wasn’t sure I wanted to come home at all. And now that I’m here, it’s just the same old crap day and day out. But I know that if I’d stayed in Canada, I’d be tearing my hair out after an extra week or two, and that living here IS for the best. It just strongly affected me hanging out with my best girlfriend and my best guyfriend and his family. I didn’t want it to end. But right now, I couldn’t live there, not when it means having to deal with all the bullshit and drama constantly going on with my immediate family. I just could not do it. I am, however, going to make a more conscious effort to go out there once a year to see everyone and keep my ties strong.

Life isn’t all bad. I complain about work a lot but I realize I should be thankful. They pay me decently and for the most part my job is easy. But there are times when it’s super busy or I get something really complicated and shitty that I have to sort out, that I hate it. But at least I’ve got a job and I don’t have to work in fast food for minimum wage, right?

I don’t know. I’m trying very hard to see the positive side of things right now, although I readily admit that I often fail at this. Deep down, I’m just not a very optimistic and positive person.

This quick update turned into quite a ramble hm?

Anyway. The plan for this week is as follows:

Eat as little as possible.

That’s it, haha.

Today I’m skipping lunch and having something not too calorific for dinner. Tomorrow no lunch again and we’re going to the cinema tomorrow night so I can probably get away with a small bag of popcorn and nothing else (the last time I had just a little popcorn to eat I dropped a pound and a half, but it was probably a fluke). Saturday I’m going out with S for lunch and a catch up. We’re supposed to be going to an Italian restaurant which probably means pasta, but I’ll go for something with seafood or veggies and not finish it. And then of course, nothing at night at home. Sunday I’m planning on doing as little as possible, just sleeping in and hanging out (I’ve been busy every weekend since I got back from Canada so it’ll be nice to have some downtime) and will keep the calories low. I’m not sure yet whether we’re supposed to be having a family dinner on Sunday, but since it’s the weekend before payday I’m assuming not. I’ve still got some 220-cal meals in the freezer, so it should all be good.

Whoo. Back to business babes.

I missed you!

Tuesday, 20 October 2009