You and Me and the Devil Makes Three

Today was good and bad.

The good points:

Although we had Indian takeout last night, I didn't eat much of mine and stayed the same weight from yesterday, which was a surprise. So today I'm still 194, which is a fucking hell of a lot better than gaining.

I went to Makro with my aunts this afternoon... I don't know if they have Makro in America but essentially it's very similar to like Costco, where you buy things in bulk and they profess to be way cheaper, until you realize you've got to add your 15% VAT on top of that (in England, prices in most places already include VAT so what you see on a price tag is what you pay at the till. Not so at Makro), so in the end you wind up saving very little. It's a very good marketing ploy though, and I bet they make tons of money.

Anyway, my aunts just went for some laundry detergent and some soap and OXO stock cubes to take to the owners of a pub they go to in Spain (they have a time share for two weeks every year in May and have made friends with these people, who are from England, so when they go they take back a couple things that they miss and can't get over there.) As we were checking out, the older lady at the till scanned the package of Imperial Leather soap and asked me "So is that your secret?" and told me I have lovely perfect skin. I laughed it off and said hell no, I use Clinique and she was like "My sister uses Clinque but she doesn't look like you!"

Obviously, that comment totally made my fucking day. What I SHOULD have said to her is "My skin looks perfect due to much MAC concealer and foundation, thankyouverymuch, but at least it's doing its job!"

The funny thing is, this comes the day after I get my hair cut and coloured (another plus for this weekend, by the way). I usually get some blonde highlights on the top/sides and around the front, but this time I wanted to really lighten my hair up so I got lots of blonde highlights all over. And it looks amazing. It sounds dumb but I swear to God, people do seem to notice me a lot more when I'm blonder. For better or worse, I'm not sure yet.

Anyway. Those are the good points.

The major bad point is that I'll probably have gained tomorrow. Which makes me sad.

I did pretty well today, but not well enough. I had a couple of pieces of warm garlic naan bread with some hummus. It doesn't sound bad but... Hummus always feel like such a dirty indulgence to me and although I love it, I ALWAYS feel guilty when I've had it. In the evening my aunts and I were watching a movie (The Ruins) and I was craving nachos with melted cheese and salsa, but had a little organic coffee ice cream instead. And a few chocolate-covered Brazil nuts.

It feels a lot worse than it sounds to write it. Maybe I'm deluded and think it's not all that much, when really it is. I guess the scales tomorrow will tell.

Although - and this is probably too much information, but whatever - I've been feeling really consipated today, and yesterday. So maybe I'm slightly lighter than the scales are showing, and when that passes I'll drop another pound or so?

Wishful thinking. I know, it's bad. But I can't help but hope.

I'm kind of looking forward to going back to work on Tuesday. The weekends are always worse for me, because my aunts are always around. At work, I can get away with not eating all day, even if I work until 6:30. And by that time, I can usually tell my aunts I ate already or have something small when I get home. But on the weekends there's almost always some level of pressure. Like, they decide it will be nice to make a Sunday Dinner (England has its traditions, like nice sit-down family meals on Sundays, which are usually a roast of some kind but not always), or having one of my favourite meals ready when I get home from work.

I appreciate the sentiment, but I wish they wouldn't.

Twelve weeks. My aunt's waiting list for her surgery is twelve weeks.

If I can make it until then without slipping up, I'll be down to the home stretch.

I can do it. WE can do it.

And I don't need surgery to stop myself.

Starve on.

Vee xox