And Also...

I'm too lazy to just edit my previous post, eat me.

Some of my ED-Books came the other day. I picked them up from my grandparents' house yesterday afternoon. I had to tell them "Some of the stuff is books and some tarot cards for me, some of it MIGHT BE early Christmas presents because there was a sale on Amazon, so I can't open them right now and show you."

How messed up is it that my family is so nosey that they always DEMAND to know exactly what I ordered. That time I ordered diet pills they kept asking me what the package was and when I was all "it's none of your business" they wouldn't take that shit and thought I was joking and kept PESTERING ME so I told them I'd ordered some more Valerian tablets to help with my insomnia. It was bullshit, but it got them off my back.

It just reinforces that my life is not nearly as private as I would like it to be. What if I was ordering lengerie and flavoured lube from Anne Summers? Or fucking sex toys? I mean seriously, what I buy online is nobody's fucking business but my own.

Yet again, I wish I could afford to move into my own apartment. But there's no way in the forseeable future that is going to happen.

Also, my nails are suffering and that pisses me off. It's probably a mix between the lack of lots of proper food (I forgot to take my vitamins every day but twice this week, I suck so hard) and I probably over-filed/buffed them last week. But they keep peeling and now I've had to cut them down so the peeley bits are gone and have to wait for them to grow out again. Fucking nails. Show some respect, motherfuckers. I bit my nails constantly until I was 12 and then stopped cold turkey, and THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME?

I swear to god I'm not ACTUALLY going crazy.

In other news, one of my Tarot books also came. I've got two tarot books and a Wiccan Cards oracle deck (the artwork on them looked really nice, I always seem to buy cards based on how they look. Yes, I am shallow, and I do not give a shit.) coming in total. The one that came is called The Tarot Bible, and was well worth the money. It gives pretty in-depth descriptions of each card, as well as lots of different spreads, as well as lots of info about the history of the tarot and how to use them most effectively. I used it in conjunction with my Egyptian Tarot deck last night, and all the spreads seemed to be pretty spot-on. I got a lot of cards about perfectionism and idealism and new goals and will power and fighting self-indulgence.

It always creeps me out a little when things ring true. I do not profess to be a psychic by any means, but sometimes things are just so RIGHT.

Of course, when my ex left me for an uglier other woman, I did a reading with a set of fortune cards. It was a simple spread. Card 1 = me. Card 2 = him. Card 3 = the dynamic between the two of us. And then I did a second spread on him and her and their dynamic.

The dynamic between him and me came up as "True love and happiness." The one between him and her said - and this is VERBATIM FROM THE FACE OF THE CARD ITSELF "Fate has blocked this path for you."

OF course I convinced myself this meant we would get back together. Maybe he'll come crawling back in the future when he realizes how dumb it was to leave ME, but I doubt it, and if he did I would laugh in his face because I'm mean like that.

So, maybe my tarot just tells me what I want to hear, or what I need to hear to make it through another day, I don't know. Time will tell, but last night's made me hopeful that I can and will succeed.

Unrelated sidenote: I think the batteries in my wireless keyboard are dying because even though I'm typing at half my usual speed and not missing any keys, HALF the letters are not registering so it's taking forever to type this and it is PISSING ME OFFFFFF!!!

Gah. Ok I'm going to stop there because I'm annoyed and need to charge these bitches up.

Goodnight my darlings.

Vee xox