Friday, 1 May 2009

The Update You've Been Waiting For

So it seems yesterday was a craptastic day for nearly everyone. What is it about the end of the month that sends us crazy? We'll probably never know, but I gotta say, almost EVERYbody I know (which means people "in person" as well as internet friends and bloggers) had a crappy day yesterday.

Suddenly I don't feel so alone in my shittaliciousness.

So, last night.

I got a text message from my aunt just after 4 yesterday afternoon, telling me that we were meeting some friends for dinner. I was supposed to be working overtime until 6:30, which I had told her the night before (but, I won't pretend she actually remembers ANYthing that I say to her, so I can't honestly say I'm surprised). So, I immediately texted back asking what time we were meeting, because I was supposed to work late.

No answer. So I tried calling the house, no answer (they both had appointments with their surgeons about the gastric bypass surgery, and were still at the hospital. My aunt's was a kind of preop, her partner's was basically just to find out if the doctor would agree to do it. Both went well for them, incidentally). Called my aunt's mobile phone, it was turned off. Called her partner's phone, no answer.

So I was at work thinking, well this is fucking great. Springing on me that we're going out, without telling me when or where, without giving me a god damn chance to find out if I can even get off work. I hate it when she does this, she always just assumes I can leave whenever I want to. A couple of weeks ago she called me at 4pm to say "I'm outside to pick you up" so I had to rush to get out. Nevermind that leaving before 5 is supposed to be agreed with your manager here. And that I was supposed to do an hour and a half fucking overtime. Sigh.

So last night was more of the same. It wasn't a case of "we're going out to dinner, and you can come if you really want to" it was a "we're meeting S and H for dinner tonight" meaning, I'm expected to be there.

So FINALLY she texted back saying I had to be home by 6, which meant I had to take off at 5. I knew I could skip out an hour earlier because one hour of the overtime I was doing was for another team entirely and I just emailed them to say I can't do it. MY team, however... my manager had already put through my hour and a half of overtime onto the HR overtime system. Which meant, it was definitely going to be paid in May's pay, whether I worked it or not. And if I didn't, I'd be in shit and probably not allowed to do overtime anymore. And I really need the money.

Luckily, my manager is awesome. To be honest, the last two managers I've had have been amazing and wonderfully friendly people. So I just told him I had to leave, and asked if I could make up the extra half hour tomorrow (today), and he was nice and basically said yep that was perfectly okay. SO I'm safe, and just finished doing that half hour about 4 minutes ago.

So, I got home, had a chance to change my shoes and fix my makeup, and we were off to the restaurant. And by restaurant, what I really mean is pub.

I got a large diet coke and drank half of it before the meal, trying to fill up on fluids before we ordered. Everyone else was having a carvery so, two kinds of meat plus yorkshire puddings, stuffing, veggies and gravy. I *could* conceivably have gotten away with filling up on veggies and leaving the meat, but the last time we went there I had the carvery and it was fucking disgusting. I mean, who has fucking MUSHY PEAS with roast beef and gravy!?

Of course, I don't like mushy peas (or really, any kind of peas) at the best of times.

So, I thought I'd order a salad or a fish dish. Exept, when we got there I quickly realized, this is a PUB not a swanky restaurant where they'll have grilled tuna salad on the menu. They had fish and chips and breaded prawns and that kind of crap, but everything was deep fried. And the salads were horrendous. Bad times.

So in the end I ordered some roast chicken, because it was probably the healthiest, not-fried-in-fat thing on the menu. And some garlic bread, which I admit right off the bat was bad, but I was craving it and couldn't say no.

When the food came, it wasn't too bad... I gave my aunt half the garlic bread and nibbledon mine. Picked apart the chicken and ate some of the meat. Had a couple pieces of carrots and forkfuls of mashed potato.

BUT, I think I overdid it with the chicken, and felt really sick after I'd eaten. I haven't eaten much proper food in the past week, and my stomach wasn't used to the feeling. It almost hurt, even though I know I didn't overstuff myself or anything.

I have no excuses. I ate too much chicken and I shouldn't have had garlic bread. So it was my own fault, and I felt really shitty for it yesterday. After we ate, S (my aunt's work-mate's husband, who we're all good buddies with) kept pestering me to get dessert. And dessert at this place isn't "two scoops of fat-free vanilla ice cream" or "three scoops of mango sorbet". Dessert at this place consists of the most fat-filled chocolate-monstrosities of cakes. The last time we went there, I will admit that I had dessert, but I was in a bingeful period at the time. It was a chocolate fudge cake with a scoop of vanilla ice cream and hot chocolate sauce. And that was probably the healthiest thing on the dessert menu, I shit you not. You should have seen the cake my aunts had that time. A big chocolate cake, covered in tons of icing, with maltesers, flakes, bits of broken up mars bars and curly wurlies, and fuck knows what else.

I couldn't eat that even on a fat day.

Eventually I told S to fuck off, I'd already "ruined my diet" and did not need more shit in my body, and he finally shut up.

I Felt really sick and had to excuse myself to the bathroom, thinking I was going to throw it back up again. I thought it was probably a mental reaction to eating mashed potatoes - I've felt sick after eating them ever since I made some creamy ones several weeks ago and immediately threw up more forcefully than I have ever thrown up (except that time I had bad food poisoning from fish, bad times). Luckily, I managed to keep it down. Starving myself is fine and almost enjoyable and as I said before brings a euphoric feeling. But I refuse to let Mia into my life, so I struggled to hold my shit together even though I was genuinely feeling nauseous, and not just sticking my fingers down my throat.

When we got home I immediately went to bed. I was exhausted and I felt sick.

But this morning I woke up and it is a new day. Yesterday is a complete write-off, and I'm up a full pound from yesterday morning. I was expecting it though, expecting worse, so I'm not as upset about it as I probably should be. Today is a new day, and I'm happy to spend a day undoing yesterday's damage.

That said, today is a fast day. Water, strawberry tea, and maybe some coke zero, are all that is on the menu. And when I get home tonight, I'm going to try another saltwater flush, but with more sea salt this time. Hopefully it works this time =/

All that aside, I'm getting my hair done tomorrow. I have light blonde highlights and should have had my roots done like six weeks ago, so I'm going for a touch-up and a cut (and by cut I really mean a slight trim and some more added layers). If my stylist (and another one of my aunt's friends, who owns her own salon, so it's awesome and she's pretty cheap =]) has the time, I might get a full colour done to lighten up my "base" colour a little and then have highlights done on top of it. We'll see.

I'm sure there was something else I was going to write about, but I can't remember. So, more later.

Love you girls. And I know a lot of us fucked up yesterday, but today is a new day, a new month. Let's use May to kick some serious ass.

Vee xox

ps: I've ordered a book called "Hungry Girls: 200 recipes under 200 calories" from Amazon along with my ED books and tarot cards. Once it comes I'll start cross-posting the recipes onto my foodblog =] So there will be a lot more content over there soon!


PrettyWreck said...

Ooooh what kind of tarot cards??

There's a website called hungry gal or hungry girl or something. It tells you how to make like, low calorie knock offs of things like chicken fingers. I wonder how much THOSE are worth.

When I ate the steak the other day with my friend, I felt so sick. I was surprised I didn't throw up. But that's strong of you to not. I admit that I've done it on purpose before, and try very hard not to do it again. It can get BAD and FAST.

Vee said...

I've already got 9 or 10 tarot and oracle decks right now. but the new ones are Wiccan oracle cards. Mostly I choose my cards based on the artwork over the subject matter, because I'm shallow like that, and these cards look awesome.

Well, once I get my cookbook I'll be plugging the ingredients into a calorie calculator so I'll have full nutritional info for them for you at the other blog =]

Ugh I know, that's why I don't want to. I have purged on purpose exactly twice and I don't want to make a habit of it, because it's bad times all around. So now even if I feel sick (if it isn't illness-related) I struggle to no go there, because it's not something I want to do =/