Bleghghghhgghgh

...Shit, I forgot what I even wrote about yesterday, let me go check.

Okay yeah, I already wrote about work. So, instead of writing about work more, I'm going to ramble.

Mostly the rambling is because I am SO god damned tired that it is unbelievable. So this is going to be terribly disjointed and retarded.

Yesterday wasn't too bad, in total I guess I had maybe 600 calories, which is more than I had intended but it could be worse. Still, it sucks.

Anyway while at work yesterday afternoon I decided I would bake, to bring into work. I guess it's some kind of "tradition" or whatev that when it's your birthday you bring something in, like something homemade or a buffet. But, I'm cheap, and no way am I going to traipse around the supermarket and spend £50 on food I'm not even going to eat. So instead I bought £12 worth of eggs and butter and vanilla and peanut butter and chocolate, and made my Peanut-Butter-And-White-Chocolate-Blondies instead.

I was going to make peanut butter cupcakes with chocolate frosting. But the problem there is that there would be NO WAY that I could possibly resist them. I fucking love peanut butter, and PB-Cupcakes would be amazing. And I also decided against them because, do you know what a pain in the ass it is to take cupcakes to work, on the bus?? Yeah.

God, I'm sorry. It's so counterintuitive to be talking about baked goods and stuff here, and I apologise if I'm awakening cravings in you. If it bothers you let me know and I'll try to cut it down/out ^.^

Anyway the Blondies are in a clip-top container thing on a desk near me, but I'm holding back and not having them. I also gave the rest of the previous batch to my neighbour's kids last night so woot.

I am so ridiculously tired today. My insomnia is rearing its ugly head with more force than usual. I knew I would be tired yesterday because my sleep schedule was thrown completely out of whack during my week off. But yesterday wasn't so bad, I was in bed by 11 and so tired I should have passed right out. Key words there being "should have." And when I finally did fall asleep, one of my aunt's cats came in trying to play with my cat and she was having none of it so she kept fighting with him. Finally at 5:30 I got up and had to shut him out so he'd stop bothering her.

When my alarm went off at 7, it was the WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD. Ugh. I feel sick - probably because I just downed my vitamins on an empty stomach with half a bottle of water, and taking my vitamins in the morning always makes me feel sick for some reason?? - and I'm so tired I almost fell asleep on the bus into work. And I'm starting to get a headache, and have no painkillers on me. All I have is this holistic herbal menthol gel stuff that you're supposed to rub on your forehead and it's supposed to make headaches go away. Yeah fucking right. And plus, the gel fucks up my makeup =/

And I'm totally craving food. Not just like your average binge-food. I don't want anything sweet and I don't want takeout or anything. I'm just craving something SUBSTANTIAL, and home-ey. Like the kind of food my grandma makes for Sunday dinners or used to have waiting for me when I got home from work. Which is EXACTLY the kind of food I do not need! Fatty roasted meats and lots of potatoes and shit. Sigh. What I really want right now is a full English breakfast. But I'm not going to get it. Because A: it's not worth the agony and feeling shit and self-sabotage. And also because I need to be saving money.

Seriously. The money I spent last week on Birthday Food And Stuff is ridiculous. In the end I've decided that, if I keep telling myself "V, you can not afford that MAC Lipstick" then why the fuck should I be able to take that same money (or more) and spend it on like pizza or something?

Exactly.

So, when I'm on the verge of giving in and buying something I should not be having, I think what I might do is transfer the cash into my savings instead. Or withdraw it and stash it somewhere.

Once I've finished paying off my credit card, I mean. Fucking flights and their costly.. costs.

Anyway. I'm rambling even more than I expected to, so that's all for now. I'll post up the SC2009 details at some point today, assuming I don't pass out at my desk and/or die from feeling like shit =]

Xoxo
Vee