I was right when I said that yesterday’s random 4lb drop was a fluke. Today, I’m the same weight, no gains or losses, not even in the decimals. Which I guess makes yesterday’s fluke less of a fluke. 4lbs over 2 days is much more reasonable than 4lbs overnight, right? So hopefully it’ll stick and the loss will continue tomorrow.
Just a quick post for now because I’m at work and it’s pretty manic. But I just wanted to update you and also to say HOLY SHIT THE DRAMA. Honestly, you guys, if you could see all the shit going on in my sister and her on-again-off-again-fiancee-who-is-having-a-sex-change-and-his-female-name-is-the-same-as-my-name-but-spelled-slightly-differently’s feeds and comments, you would shit. Like, this is some Jerry Springer level insanity. One innocent wall-post currently has 160+ comments between five people all having a massive go at each other, and him threatening to kill himself (“and maybe my sister”) if people don’t leave him alone.
Holy fucking dramz. Ugh.
In unrelated news, Muller have repromoted their Limited Edition For Summer fat-free Lemon cheesecake yogurt. One pot is 105 calories, but it tastes like HEAVEN, it tastes like cheating, it tastes like ACTUAL LEMON CHEESECAKE, with the base and everything. That’s what I had for dinner last night. A-MAZE-ING.
Showing posts with label good day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label good day. Show all posts
Thursday, 3 June 2010
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Excerpt from a Lunchtime Conversation
“I just took my rent money out, should we just go blow it on alcohol?”
”Hell yes we should!”
”I’ll be all ‘yeah I just took my drug money out and..’ bahahaha drug money?! What the fuck??”
“That’s what the money’s REALLY for isn’t it? The truth just SLIPS OUT THERE!”
”Nonono, ok seriously. So, I got mugged and they stole my drug money—GOD DAMNIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!”
“Hahahahaha”
”No ok seriously, I’m doing this yogurt diet with my aunt and the utter lack of solid food is playing games with my head.”
”Really? I couldn’t not eat. Aw bless, you’re so tired! Can’t you have like, a weight watcher’s meal or something? One meal a day?”
”My one meal a day is the SlimFast, haha.”
”Oh man, I couldn’t do that, if I were on FIRE and I was hungry, I’d have to get something to eat first and then sort out the damage from the flames later.”
”Hahah. Ok so ANYWAY, I’ll say I just took my drug money… AAGHHHHH!”
Random conversation. There’s a JM that I work with and he’s pretty epic. (He's also gorgeous and gay and skinny without even trying and I hate him just a little bit) We just had to go up to Tesco at lunch to get another girl/friend in our team at work a birthday present from our workmates. On the way back, the above conversation happened. And I almost died laughing. For whatever reason, I couldn’t say “rent money” and it kept coming out “drug money” about eight times. And I’ve never done drugs a day in my life, haha. So funny.
So, I’ve told a few friends about this yogurt diet I’m doing with my aunt. It’s funny, actually, because the “diet” itself is sanctioned by a surgeon, even though I’m only taking in between 200-500 calories a day (depending on whether I actually HAVE the slimfast, which I didn’t yesterday), it’s completely okay. My aunt actually suggested I do it with her. Yet earlier in the day she told me not to starve myself to lose weight.
Um, okay.
But yeah… it seems that, as long as something is said to be okay by some manner of medical professional, it’s totally alright and nobody will question that I’m eating nothing but two yogurts a day for days on end. I find that hypocritical, but on the other hand I’m glad about it.
Because right now I don’t actually have to HIDE how little I’m eating. I can be as open as I want to be and admit that I’m craving pineapple in a huge way but can’t have any. I can crack jokes when the girl next to me at work asks me to pass her the biscuit tin, knowing full well I won’t and can’t have a single one. I can be honest about how tired I am and that I’ve got a massive headache from low blood sugar.
But it’s encouraged by weight loss surgeons so it’s okay, don’t worry about me!
You know what though… the absolute BEST part about today (apart from the random 4lb weight loss, which I’m not completely expecting to stick because it’s likely 80% water weight) is that I’m not hungry at all. I’m craving random things, but I’m not giving in, and at least the things I’m craving are healthy things. But I don’t see the point in eating when I’m not hungry anyway, regardless of diets and eating disorders. I’m starving, but I don’t feel hunger. I have no hunger pains. The only negative thing I felt in the abdominal area was tummy ache from the milk products making my stomach upset, and even that’s subsided now.
I’ve had 97 calories and I’m not even hungry!
I am very thirsty though so I’ma go get a drink and get some work done.
Ridin’ the starvation high baby!
”Hell yes we should!”
”I’ll be all ‘yeah I just took my drug money out and..’ bahahaha drug money?! What the fuck??”
“That’s what the money’s REALLY for isn’t it? The truth just SLIPS OUT THERE!”
”Nonono, ok seriously. So, I got mugged and they stole my drug money—GOD DAMNIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!”
“Hahahahaha”
”No ok seriously, I’m doing this yogurt diet with my aunt and the utter lack of solid food is playing games with my head.”
”Really? I couldn’t not eat. Aw bless, you’re so tired! Can’t you have like, a weight watcher’s meal or something? One meal a day?”
”My one meal a day is the SlimFast, haha.”
”Oh man, I couldn’t do that, if I were on FIRE and I was hungry, I’d have to get something to eat first and then sort out the damage from the flames later.”
”Hahah. Ok so ANYWAY, I’ll say I just took my drug money… AAGHHHHH!”
Random conversation. There’s a JM that I work with and he’s pretty epic. (He's also gorgeous and gay and skinny without even trying and I hate him just a little bit) We just had to go up to Tesco at lunch to get another girl/friend in our team at work a birthday present from our workmates. On the way back, the above conversation happened. And I almost died laughing. For whatever reason, I couldn’t say “rent money” and it kept coming out “drug money” about eight times. And I’ve never done drugs a day in my life, haha. So funny.
So, I’ve told a few friends about this yogurt diet I’m doing with my aunt. It’s funny, actually, because the “diet” itself is sanctioned by a surgeon, even though I’m only taking in between 200-500 calories a day (depending on whether I actually HAVE the slimfast, which I didn’t yesterday), it’s completely okay. My aunt actually suggested I do it with her. Yet earlier in the day she told me not to starve myself to lose weight.
Um, okay.
But yeah… it seems that, as long as something is said to be okay by some manner of medical professional, it’s totally alright and nobody will question that I’m eating nothing but two yogurts a day for days on end. I find that hypocritical, but on the other hand I’m glad about it.
Because right now I don’t actually have to HIDE how little I’m eating. I can be as open as I want to be and admit that I’m craving pineapple in a huge way but can’t have any. I can crack jokes when the girl next to me at work asks me to pass her the biscuit tin, knowing full well I won’t and can’t have a single one. I can be honest about how tired I am and that I’ve got a massive headache from low blood sugar.
But it’s encouraged by weight loss surgeons so it’s okay, don’t worry about me!
You know what though… the absolute BEST part about today (apart from the random 4lb weight loss, which I’m not completely expecting to stick because it’s likely 80% water weight) is that I’m not hungry at all. I’m craving random things, but I’m not giving in, and at least the things I’m craving are healthy things. But I don’t see the point in eating when I’m not hungry anyway, regardless of diets and eating disorders. I’m starving, but I don’t feel hunger. I have no hunger pains. The only negative thing I felt in the abdominal area was tummy ache from the milk products making my stomach upset, and even that’s subsided now.
I’ve had 97 calories and I’m not even hungry!
I am very thirsty though so I’ma go get a drink and get some work done.
Ridin’ the starvation high baby!
Woah x2
Today has kind of started off awfully overall, and yet I find myself in a better mood than I should be.
I’ll start with yesterday. Starvation headaches are fail, and yet completely worth it because it kind of tells me that I’m doing something right. Is it sick that I’m filled with a sense of pride when my body is suffering? My head was killing me when I got home from work, so I had my second (and final) yogurt of the day, took 3 paracetimols and went straight to bed. I slept from six to ten, then got up to get ready for bed, took 2 more painkillers and went straight to sleep until my alarm went off at 8 this morning.
I’m still absolutely exhausted. I’m almost always tired anyway, but at least now I can take it as a result of not eating enough, which places a positive spin on it.
Anyway, last night before I went to bed the second time, I asked my aunts what time they were leaving in the morning so I knew what time I had to get up so that I could get a ride down to the main road. J said 6:45, my aunt said 8:30, so I figured I’d go with my aunt and just get into work an hour later than normal. No big deal, since I’ve got to work an hour later tonight anyway, so my hours will still be on target.
So this morning I got up at 8, brushed my teeth and washed my face etc, and weighed myself. I’m down 4lbs from yesterday. Count em. 1, 2, 3, FOUR. Huzzah! I did a little victory dance and headed back to my room to finish getting ready for work, then realized my aunt wasn’t in bed.
Usually my aunt and her partner get up just after me, since I always seem to set my alarm 5 minutes earlier than they do (or my phone’s clock is five minutes faster than their alarm clocks). So I went downstairs to dump some Pepsi Max from last night and my aunt was by the back door. She asked me what time she told me we had to leave, and I said 8:30. And she was like “No, I have to be there by 8:30.”
So, I had to run upstairs and quickly get ready, and I feel naked and fugly as hell because I have next to no makeup on my face (mascara, powder, and some tinted lip butter). Ugh. Managed to get ready in 10 minutes though.
Now I’m at work and I’m exhausted and I’m empty and I have a 94 calorie fat-free yogurt in my bag for lunch in two hours and that is all. I’m feeling positive – at least, I would be if I were awake enough to feel much of anything haha.
And, I logged on here to see I’ve hit 100 followers on my blog. How is that even possible?? I want to say a huge thank you to each and every one of my followers, I love you all and you guys are the whole reason I keep coming back here. <3
So… here’s to Day Two. And many more losses such as this in the foreseeable future.
I’ll start with yesterday. Starvation headaches are fail, and yet completely worth it because it kind of tells me that I’m doing something right. Is it sick that I’m filled with a sense of pride when my body is suffering? My head was killing me when I got home from work, so I had my second (and final) yogurt of the day, took 3 paracetimols and went straight to bed. I slept from six to ten, then got up to get ready for bed, took 2 more painkillers and went straight to sleep until my alarm went off at 8 this morning.
I’m still absolutely exhausted. I’m almost always tired anyway, but at least now I can take it as a result of not eating enough, which places a positive spin on it.
Anyway, last night before I went to bed the second time, I asked my aunts what time they were leaving in the morning so I knew what time I had to get up so that I could get a ride down to the main road. J said 6:45, my aunt said 8:30, so I figured I’d go with my aunt and just get into work an hour later than normal. No big deal, since I’ve got to work an hour later tonight anyway, so my hours will still be on target.
So this morning I got up at 8, brushed my teeth and washed my face etc, and weighed myself. I’m down 4lbs from yesterday. Count em. 1, 2, 3, FOUR. Huzzah! I did a little victory dance and headed back to my room to finish getting ready for work, then realized my aunt wasn’t in bed.
Usually my aunt and her partner get up just after me, since I always seem to set my alarm 5 minutes earlier than they do (or my phone’s clock is five minutes faster than their alarm clocks). So I went downstairs to dump some Pepsi Max from last night and my aunt was by the back door. She asked me what time she told me we had to leave, and I said 8:30. And she was like “No, I have to be there by 8:30.”
So, I had to run upstairs and quickly get ready, and I feel naked and fugly as hell because I have next to no makeup on my face (mascara, powder, and some tinted lip butter). Ugh. Managed to get ready in 10 minutes though.
Now I’m at work and I’m exhausted and I’m empty and I have a 94 calorie fat-free yogurt in my bag for lunch in two hours and that is all. I’m feeling positive – at least, I would be if I were awake enough to feel much of anything haha.
And, I logged on here to see I’ve hit 100 followers on my blog. How is that even possible?? I want to say a huge thank you to each and every one of my followers, I love you all and you guys are the whole reason I keep coming back here. <3
So… here’s to Day Two. And many more losses such as this in the foreseeable future.
Monday, 29 March 2010
Manic!
Wow, sorry I haven't had the time to update my blog =/ I am still here, things have just been hectic and insane, and I'm feeling completely bipolar right now. I'm going straight from feeling deeply, horribly depressed, to feeling absolutely great. It's probably the lack of real food, since my descent into restriction has been going pretty well. I'm making a point of not weighing myself right now though, because I want to concentrate on restricting numbers and not scale numbers, lest I obsess to much and just depress myself even more.
But, there's a bit of a change of plan. My 40 day plan isn't going to be going ahead right now, I'm changing it up instead. My aunt is, once again, keeping an eye on what I'm eating, but on the weekend she mentioned that she's going to do the milk-and-yogurt diet that she did presurgery to see if she can lose some damn weight. So I said, I'd do it with her, but supplement a Slimfast shake in, since I physically cannot stomach drinking milk, and she was completely fine with it.
The actual diet calls for 2 fat-free yogurts and 3 pints of milk a day, and nothing else aside from whatever sugarfree beverages you want - ie: water and diet pop and not much else. So to begin with I said I'd do it with 2 yogurts and 3 Slim-fast shakes (I had no intention of actually having 3 shakes in a day, but have to "keep up appearances") and my aunt actually said "I don't think you even need three, one or two is fine). So, okay. I'm in.
Essentially, this means that the calories will be around 500 ish a day, and there will be NO solid food involved. The diet is to last ten days, at which point I'm going to try to get in a "fast" day (with the ever watchful women in the house, this seems harder and harder, so I'm looking forward to their two weeks away in May), and then I'll decide what to do from there. I still want to do 2468, but I might see if I can get away with doing the 10 day milk-yogurt diet again without drawing TOO much suspicion. I mean hey, her surgeon even said "normal people" - those who aren't undergoing weight loss surgery - can do the diet for the results. So I mean, a doctor has basically said it's totally fine and even healthy to do this. Which makes it seem bizarre, like it's cheating, even though at 500 calories a day, it is still classified as a Starvation Diet. And one without any solid food at all.
I know, I keep changing my plan, but with my family being so effing watchful I have to be careful and do what I can. At least with this diet my aunt seems totally down for me doing it with her, so it's a step. I just need to go shopping tonight or tomorrow for supplies. Until I get a stock of yogurts and SlimFast drinks, I'm going to be on low-calorie soups for all of my meals. 10 calorie soup for lunch. 100 calorie cup soup for dinner.
I find it retarded though, that if I were to have cup soups or something I'd get told I'm not eating enough, yet it's perfectly fine to have a SlimFast and two yogurts and nothing else.
Whatever. More later, I need to tell you about my night out on Friday. I thought it was gonna suck but it was awesome in the end, which is probably why I've been in such a great, upbeat mood all weekend. =]
Stay beautiful my lovelies!
Vee xox
But, there's a bit of a change of plan. My 40 day plan isn't going to be going ahead right now, I'm changing it up instead. My aunt is, once again, keeping an eye on what I'm eating, but on the weekend she mentioned that she's going to do the milk-and-yogurt diet that she did presurgery to see if she can lose some damn weight. So I said, I'd do it with her, but supplement a Slimfast shake in, since I physically cannot stomach drinking milk, and she was completely fine with it.
The actual diet calls for 2 fat-free yogurts and 3 pints of milk a day, and nothing else aside from whatever sugarfree beverages you want - ie: water and diet pop and not much else. So to begin with I said I'd do it with 2 yogurts and 3 Slim-fast shakes (I had no intention of actually having 3 shakes in a day, but have to "keep up appearances") and my aunt actually said "I don't think you even need three, one or two is fine). So, okay. I'm in.
Essentially, this means that the calories will be around 500 ish a day, and there will be NO solid food involved. The diet is to last ten days, at which point I'm going to try to get in a "fast" day (with the ever watchful women in the house, this seems harder and harder, so I'm looking forward to their two weeks away in May), and then I'll decide what to do from there. I still want to do 2468, but I might see if I can get away with doing the 10 day milk-yogurt diet again without drawing TOO much suspicion. I mean hey, her surgeon even said "normal people" - those who aren't undergoing weight loss surgery - can do the diet for the results. So I mean, a doctor has basically said it's totally fine and even healthy to do this. Which makes it seem bizarre, like it's cheating, even though at 500 calories a day, it is still classified as a Starvation Diet. And one without any solid food at all.
I know, I keep changing my plan, but with my family being so effing watchful I have to be careful and do what I can. At least with this diet my aunt seems totally down for me doing it with her, so it's a step. I just need to go shopping tonight or tomorrow for supplies. Until I get a stock of yogurts and SlimFast drinks, I'm going to be on low-calorie soups for all of my meals. 10 calorie soup for lunch. 100 calorie cup soup for dinner.
I find it retarded though, that if I were to have cup soups or something I'd get told I'm not eating enough, yet it's perfectly fine to have a SlimFast and two yogurts and nothing else.
Whatever. More later, I need to tell you about my night out on Friday. I thought it was gonna suck but it was awesome in the end, which is probably why I've been in such a great, upbeat mood all weekend. =]
Stay beautiful my lovelies!
Vee xox
Friday, 19 March 2010
Success
Yesterday was a success.
In that, I stayed under the 1300. Although, to be totally honest, I wanted to stay further below. As it is, I had a 6 calorie buffer between Calories Allowed and Calories Consumed.
Actually, I think that the actual calories is lower. Because I used the calorie content for Saltine crackers when I calculated everything, but when I got home and checked the calories on the Saltine-like crackers I actually ate, there was a huge difference (the ones I ate were a lot lower yay). But now that I’m updating my spreadsheet – yes, I am THAT organized – I can’t remember the actual content, so I’m going to go with the Saltine ones and know that it’s a bit of an overestimation.
Yesterday I had a 94 calorie yogurt for breakfast.
Lunch consisted of cheese and crackers. As did dinner. Together Lunch and Dinner are just under 1200 calories. So under 1300 for the day =]
Today’s plan is as follows:
Breakfast: Yogurt – 97 calories
Lunch: French Onion cup soup – 95 Calories (these are AMAZING)
Snack: Yogurt – 94 calories
Dinner: Soup – <400
I can’t remember which kinds of soup I have at home, but I do remember that when I bought them I ensured that they all had under 400 calories. So, score.
Total will then be under 686, with a daily allowance of 1200. This number makes me feel good and positive. And it still seems like a decent amount of food. Having two yogurts and instant soup for lunch doesn’t feel like restricting at all, but the calorie count is still decent.
I’ve got a load of really crappy work to do (some idiot set up a couple of pensions wrong last summer and I’ve now got to fix it and call the financial adviser to tell them I’ve fixed it, and she’s likely going to bitch me the fuck out because she was NOT happy about it yesterday…) so I’ll update later when I’ve got another free minute or eight.
Stay beautiful!
Vee xox
In that, I stayed under the 1300. Although, to be totally honest, I wanted to stay further below. As it is, I had a 6 calorie buffer between Calories Allowed and Calories Consumed.
Actually, I think that the actual calories is lower. Because I used the calorie content for Saltine crackers when I calculated everything, but when I got home and checked the calories on the Saltine-like crackers I actually ate, there was a huge difference (the ones I ate were a lot lower yay). But now that I’m updating my spreadsheet – yes, I am THAT organized – I can’t remember the actual content, so I’m going to go with the Saltine ones and know that it’s a bit of an overestimation.
Yesterday I had a 94 calorie yogurt for breakfast.
Lunch consisted of cheese and crackers. As did dinner. Together Lunch and Dinner are just under 1200 calories. So under 1300 for the day =]
Today’s plan is as follows:
Breakfast: Yogurt – 97 calories
Lunch: French Onion cup soup – 95 Calories (these are AMAZING)
Snack: Yogurt – 94 calories
Dinner: Soup – <400
I can’t remember which kinds of soup I have at home, but I do remember that when I bought them I ensured that they all had under 400 calories. So, score.
Total will then be under 686, with a daily allowance of 1200. This number makes me feel good and positive. And it still seems like a decent amount of food. Having two yogurts and instant soup for lunch doesn’t feel like restricting at all, but the calorie count is still decent.
I’ve got a load of really crappy work to do (some idiot set up a couple of pensions wrong last summer and I’ve now got to fix it and call the financial adviser to tell them I’ve fixed it, and she’s likely going to bitch me the fuck out because she was NOT happy about it yesterday…) so I’ll update later when I’ve got another free minute or eight.
Stay beautiful!
Vee xox
Friday, 21 August 2009
That Bloated Feeling
Bleh. Today, I'm in a pretty good mood, but unfortunately I feel physically shit.
Last night was not a failure but not a success. After work I had to meet my aunts at the old house because some people were coming to look around and we had a few last minute things to do (like get rid of huge spiders in the bathtub. *cringe* Needless to say, I didn't do that job at ALL). Afterward they decided they were going to try some Indian food, and we went straight to the place on the way home from the house. By this point it was after 7 and I couldn't talk my way out. So I got some garlic naan bread and had it with a little korma sauce, but skipped the rice and didn't eat the chicken. I wound up throwing most of it away, actually, so I counted it as a demi-success (I fucking love that stuff and usually tend to binge until I feel physically ill and can't move).
But, this morning I feel ridiculously bloated, very constipated (sorry for the too-much-info there) and just all around crap. My abdomen feels inflated and sore and I just want to curl up in bed and sleep it off. Instead, I get to sick at work for another 5 hours. Fail!
But like I said, it could be worse. The only reason I feel crappy is because of that. I feel kind of ill with it as well, which sucks but whatever.
Also, the scale today registered a GAIN of 1.8lbs. However, due to the insane bloating and the fact that I did not overdo it yesterday makes me think that this is not an accurate representation of how much I weigh, so I'm going to weigh in properly tomorrow morning.
Today I'm going to be very good. Nothing at work, and then as little as I can get away with at home. Luckily tonight is another "I need to lock myself in my room for a couple hours to do my hair" night (I can't wash my hair EVERY day or it gets horribly dry, and also I can't be bothered straightening for an hour EVERY SINGLE DAY OH MY GOD ARE YOU INSANE!) so I might be able to get away with it.
Tomorrow I'm going to get my hair cut and my highlights redone as they've grown out quite a bit. I should have gone about 2-3 weeks ago but I want it fresh for when I go away =]
Hope you're all having a good day!
Stay strong,
Vee xox
Last night was not a failure but not a success. After work I had to meet my aunts at the old house because some people were coming to look around and we had a few last minute things to do (like get rid of huge spiders in the bathtub. *cringe* Needless to say, I didn't do that job at ALL). Afterward they decided they were going to try some Indian food, and we went straight to the place on the way home from the house. By this point it was after 7 and I couldn't talk my way out. So I got some garlic naan bread and had it with a little korma sauce, but skipped the rice and didn't eat the chicken. I wound up throwing most of it away, actually, so I counted it as a demi-success (I fucking love that stuff and usually tend to binge until I feel physically ill and can't move).
But, this morning I feel ridiculously bloated, very constipated (sorry for the too-much-info there) and just all around crap. My abdomen feels inflated and sore and I just want to curl up in bed and sleep it off. Instead, I get to sick at work for another 5 hours. Fail!
But like I said, it could be worse. The only reason I feel crappy is because of that. I feel kind of ill with it as well, which sucks but whatever.
Also, the scale today registered a GAIN of 1.8lbs. However, due to the insane bloating and the fact that I did not overdo it yesterday makes me think that this is not an accurate representation of how much I weigh, so I'm going to weigh in properly tomorrow morning.
Today I'm going to be very good. Nothing at work, and then as little as I can get away with at home. Luckily tonight is another "I need to lock myself in my room for a couple hours to do my hair" night (I can't wash my hair EVERY day or it gets horribly dry, and also I can't be bothered straightening for an hour EVERY SINGLE DAY OH MY GOD ARE YOU INSANE!) so I might be able to get away with it.
Tomorrow I'm going to get my hair cut and my highlights redone as they've grown out quite a bit. I should have gone about 2-3 weeks ago but I want it fresh for when I go away =]
Hope you're all having a good day!
Stay strong,
Vee xox
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Shit yes!
Before I went to bed last night I weighed myself again (I'm not obsessive AT ALL) and it was up to 206. BUT this morning when I woke up it was back down to 204.8 exactly, so I'm down 3lbs since yesterday!
I think it's safe to say that my little fast definitely did its job!
It's nearly 9am and I haven't eaten anything aside from water, Pepsi Max, and black coffee (with zero-cal sweeteners) since 6pm on Tuesday. And it feels great.
I am exhausted, and the hunger really set in about midnight last night when I was trying to get to sleep (and it took FOREVER to get to sleep because it was so effing hot as well) but today my stomach is not registering any hunger at all. I'm craving a couple different things, but I'm not actually physically hungry. Which is as bewildering as it is annoying. I mean, I'm kind of glad because ifI'm not hungry I have no valid REASON to eat, but on the other hand I LIKE the feeling of hunger, of my stomach rumbling and digesting itself.
Anyway, I'm going to see how today goes, I'm feeling a little lightheaded already (I'm such a lightweight, I know) so I may need *something* to keep myself going until I get home tonight around 5:30.
Have a great one!!
Vee xox
I think it's safe to say that my little fast definitely did its job!
It's nearly 9am and I haven't eaten anything aside from water, Pepsi Max, and black coffee (with zero-cal sweeteners) since 6pm on Tuesday. And it feels great.
I am exhausted, and the hunger really set in about midnight last night when I was trying to get to sleep (and it took FOREVER to get to sleep because it was so effing hot as well) but today my stomach is not registering any hunger at all. I'm craving a couple different things, but I'm not actually physically hungry. Which is as bewildering as it is annoying. I mean, I'm kind of glad because ifI'm not hungry I have no valid REASON to eat, but on the other hand I LIKE the feeling of hunger, of my stomach rumbling and digesting itself.
Anyway, I'm going to see how today goes, I'm feeling a little lightheaded already (I'm such a lightweight, I know) so I may need *something* to keep myself going until I get home tonight around 5:30.
Have a great one!!
Vee xox
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
Heck Yes
My blog post titles are random and meaningless. I need to be more creative.
But anyway. My positive-day continues. So far so good with the fast. It's now 2:30 in the afternoon and nothing but a cup of black coffee has passed through my lips. Which means that, yet again, I'm doing a shit job of keeping hydrated. I must remind myself to bring my water bottle to work again tomorrow. It was easier when I had a bottle of water to drink on my desk instead of having to get up to get a cup of water from the machine when I wanted one, since most of the time I don't even realize that I'm not drinking or that I should be thirsty. But if my water bottle is there, I see it and it reminds me to take a sip.
It's 2:30 and I've finished all my work for the day, plus an extra one because I'm awesome, so I've got an hour and a half to kill. It amazes me that I'm the most productive member of my team, when I blatantly slack half the day. I really don't get it. How do I put out more work faster than everyone else? Are they really THAT shit at their job? Can they really slack off THAT much more than I do? And if they are, how in the hell are they still here?? I do not get it at all.
I was going to write about something else too but I can't remember what it was, so I'm going to go get a drink instead and hope I remember.
Oh yeah... about an hour ago I went to the bathroom and saw this really huge Asian (Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese/Something) girl wearing a miniskirt. WHY do huge people wear short skirts? I mean she was easily half again my size, and I'M not exactly skinny. I wouldn't wear a knee-length skirt to work (or a skirt at all anywhere unless I had to), nevermind a miniskirt. They should not make small clothing in huge sizes. It is just wrong =/
But anyway. My positive-day continues. So far so good with the fast. It's now 2:30 in the afternoon and nothing but a cup of black coffee has passed through my lips. Which means that, yet again, I'm doing a shit job of keeping hydrated. I must remind myself to bring my water bottle to work again tomorrow. It was easier when I had a bottle of water to drink on my desk instead of having to get up to get a cup of water from the machine when I wanted one, since most of the time I don't even realize that I'm not drinking or that I should be thirsty. But if my water bottle is there, I see it and it reminds me to take a sip.
It's 2:30 and I've finished all my work for the day, plus an extra one because I'm awesome, so I've got an hour and a half to kill. It amazes me that I'm the most productive member of my team, when I blatantly slack half the day. I really don't get it. How do I put out more work faster than everyone else? Are they really THAT shit at their job? Can they really slack off THAT much more than I do? And if they are, how in the hell are they still here?? I do not get it at all.
I was going to write about something else too but I can't remember what it was, so I'm going to go get a drink instead and hope I remember.
Oh yeah... about an hour ago I went to the bathroom and saw this really huge Asian (Chinese/Korean/Vietnamese/Something) girl wearing a miniskirt. WHY do huge people wear short skirts? I mean she was easily half again my size, and I'M not exactly skinny. I wouldn't wear a knee-length skirt to work (or a skirt at all anywhere unless I had to), nevermind a miniskirt. They should not make small clothing in huge sizes. It is just wrong =/
Motivated!
Today is a good day.
I woke up having lost the extra weight I've put on over the weekend/early this week/whenever, so my total loss since last Friday is back to 1.5lbs. Which is by no means exorbitant, but it will do. I worked an extra hour and a quarter at the beginning of the week so I decided to come in late today to use the extra time (now, since work has changed the way our "work-time" works, we can't work extra hours and take a day off, and if we've worked any extra at the end of the month, it's lost, it doesn't get paid as overtime and we can't use it to come in late the next month so all gains and deficits need to be evened out as soon as we can, basically). So I got to stay in bed until 8 (although I was awoken by the sunshine streaming into my room just ater 4) and for some reason, although I still didn't sleep fabulously last night, I feel... motivated and less zombie-like than usual.
Maybe it's a starvation high finally hitting? I mean I know I ate last night but I purged most of it, so it's possible. But I just feel so much more positive today. Plus, I'm zooming through my work. I've already done half a day's worth and I've only been in the office for just over an hour ;) It's 11:05 right now and I'm here til 4, and if I can finish all of my work for the day before say, 1, I can close them slowly throughout the afternoon and spend the afternoon on the internet and reading blogs instead and just take it easy.
I love days like this!
The fasting is going well too. I mean, it's only 11, and I've got that "I'm so hungry!" shaky feeling going on (entirely different from yesterday's "ohmygodi'mgoingothaveapanicattack" shakiness) which is kind of nice because it lets me KNOW my body is doing what I want it to do! I'm not even tempted to have anything to eat or whatever right now. Again, the downside is that I'm not hydrating - I only just realized I haven't had anything to drink in 12 hours =/ - so I need to go get some water.
And like I said before, my aunts will be out until at least 8ish tonight, so I can get away with having nothing at home =]
Such a good mood day. It's totally random but I'm liking it.
Anyway, off to finish the rest of these letters that need to be done. Hope you're all having a fabulous day too!
Vee xox
I woke up having lost the extra weight I've put on over the weekend/early this week/whenever, so my total loss since last Friday is back to 1.5lbs. Which is by no means exorbitant, but it will do. I worked an extra hour and a quarter at the beginning of the week so I decided to come in late today to use the extra time (now, since work has changed the way our "work-time" works, we can't work extra hours and take a day off, and if we've worked any extra at the end of the month, it's lost, it doesn't get paid as overtime and we can't use it to come in late the next month so all gains and deficits need to be evened out as soon as we can, basically). So I got to stay in bed until 8 (although I was awoken by the sunshine streaming into my room just ater 4) and for some reason, although I still didn't sleep fabulously last night, I feel... motivated and less zombie-like than usual.
Maybe it's a starvation high finally hitting? I mean I know I ate last night but I purged most of it, so it's possible. But I just feel so much more positive today. Plus, I'm zooming through my work. I've already done half a day's worth and I've only been in the office for just over an hour ;) It's 11:05 right now and I'm here til 4, and if I can finish all of my work for the day before say, 1, I can close them slowly throughout the afternoon and spend the afternoon on the internet and reading blogs instead and just take it easy.
I love days like this!
The fasting is going well too. I mean, it's only 11, and I've got that "I'm so hungry!" shaky feeling going on (entirely different from yesterday's "ohmygodi'mgoingothaveapanicattack" shakiness) which is kind of nice because it lets me KNOW my body is doing what I want it to do! I'm not even tempted to have anything to eat or whatever right now. Again, the downside is that I'm not hydrating - I only just realized I haven't had anything to drink in 12 hours =/ - so I need to go get some water.
And like I said before, my aunts will be out until at least 8ish tonight, so I can get away with having nothing at home =]
Such a good mood day. It's totally random but I'm liking it.
Anyway, off to finish the rest of these letters that need to be done. Hope you're all having a fabulous day too!
Vee xox
Sunday, 2 August 2009
Hellzyeah v2.0
All hope is not lost!
Weighed myself this afternoon (it's 2 now, I stayed in bed until noon and then went downstairs to chill with my aunts until about half an hour ago haha) and I am exactly 205.8 - so no gain this weekend! How fucking awesome is that?
I was fully expecting to be up like 2lbs after last night. I mostly behaved myself with dinner (only small amounts of rice, ate the lamb out of the main course but left the sauce etc) but I still thought I would gain between that and the alcohol and many cocktails last night. But I'm the same! It feels like a miracle haha. I haven't lost this weekend, but I'm so happy to have not gained, so none of my work this week has been undone. I'm positively euphoric today!
I think we're going to visit my granny in a while (yay I can pick up my package!) and then my aunt's got to go have some pre-op injection into her belly at 5. We're taking her to the hospital and waiting with her until she goes through into the operating theatre tomorrow morning (earlllly) and then J has to go to town I think so if it's not raining we'll go there. She wants to hit Starbucks so I might get a small skinny mocha frappucinno or something. We shall see.
Not much else to write about right now, really. S and L and I aren't going to the cinema tonight. S sent me a text-message this morning asking if it's ok to cancel and I said I'm down with that, since I really can't be bothered. Plus no pressure to get nachos or popcorn or anything with them. So that's an upside.
Short work week this week huzzah! Off tomorrow since my aunt's going in for surgery, and then I'll be in late Tues since my orthodontist appointment is midmorning. Love it!
26 days until I go to Canada. I still have mixed feelings about it, but I'm getting excited for the time off work at the very least =]
Right, I've gotta go get ready to venture out into the outside world, and then I'll get replying back to your comments.
Love ya! And I hope you all had a fabulous weekend too <3
Vee xox
Weighed myself this afternoon (it's 2 now, I stayed in bed until noon and then went downstairs to chill with my aunts until about half an hour ago haha) and I am exactly 205.8 - so no gain this weekend! How fucking awesome is that?
I was fully expecting to be up like 2lbs after last night. I mostly behaved myself with dinner (only small amounts of rice, ate the lamb out of the main course but left the sauce etc) but I still thought I would gain between that and the alcohol and many cocktails last night. But I'm the same! It feels like a miracle haha. I haven't lost this weekend, but I'm so happy to have not gained, so none of my work this week has been undone. I'm positively euphoric today!
I think we're going to visit my granny in a while (yay I can pick up my package!) and then my aunt's got to go have some pre-op injection into her belly at 5. We're taking her to the hospital and waiting with her until she goes through into the operating theatre tomorrow morning (earlllly) and then J has to go to town I think so if it's not raining we'll go there. She wants to hit Starbucks so I might get a small skinny mocha frappucinno or something. We shall see.
Not much else to write about right now, really. S and L and I aren't going to the cinema tonight. S sent me a text-message this morning asking if it's ok to cancel and I said I'm down with that, since I really can't be bothered. Plus no pressure to get nachos or popcorn or anything with them. So that's an upside.
Short work week this week huzzah! Off tomorrow since my aunt's going in for surgery, and then I'll be in late Tues since my orthodontist appointment is midmorning. Love it!
26 days until I go to Canada. I still have mixed feelings about it, but I'm getting excited for the time off work at the very least =]
Right, I've gotta go get ready to venture out into the outside world, and then I'll get replying back to your comments.
Love ya! And I hope you all had a fabulous weekend too <3
Vee xox
Thursday, 30 July 2009
I was wrong!
Haha so the current weight I posted yesterday was wrong. I put down 107.8 instead of 106.8. So the latter is where I really was. Obviously yesterday is a long day, if I didn't even know where I was.
Today is still down, not a huge amount, but still another 0.4, so nearly half a pound. Total loss so far is 4lbs, so I'm definitely on target to be down 5lbs total by Sunday =]
Thanks for all your comments last night, it was great coming online and seeing SEVEN new comments waiting for me. Love you all! I'll get replying back today, once I've got enough work done to take another break.
So, plan for today:
Breakfast
30 grapes (90calories)
Lunch
Skip
Dinner
10-cal soup (10 calories)
Daily total: 100
Bring it on!
Today is still down, not a huge amount, but still another 0.4, so nearly half a pound. Total loss so far is 4lbs, so I'm definitely on target to be down 5lbs total by Sunday =]
Thanks for all your comments last night, it was great coming online and seeing SEVEN new comments waiting for me. Love you all! I'll get replying back today, once I've got enough work done to take another break.
So, plan for today:
Breakfast
30 grapes (90calories)
Lunch
Skip
Dinner
10-cal soup (10 calories)
Daily total: 100
Bring it on!
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Roundup
So. Starting weight this morning: 207.8 - yep, that's really where I'm at right now, and it's shit =/ But at least the number is dropping!
Calore intake was as originally outlined, but I also had a handful of little pretzels, so I'm going to tack on an estimate of say 70 calories? Not too bad.
So total for the day comes to.. 453. Which is higher than yesterday but still perfectly acceptable =]
I still can't believe how well this week has gone so far - the shitty sleeping issues aside of course. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up.
Tomorrow I'm aiming for more of the same... but I might go the extra mile and just have a 10 calorie soup for dinner instead. I'm aiming to keep my intake under 100 tomorrow with 2 ten calorie soups and a handful of grapes at work. Wish me luck!
Calore intake was as originally outlined, but I also had a handful of little pretzels, so I'm going to tack on an estimate of say 70 calories? Not too bad.
So total for the day comes to.. 453. Which is higher than yesterday but still perfectly acceptable =]
I still can't believe how well this week has gone so far - the shitty sleeping issues aside of course. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up.
Tomorrow I'm aiming for more of the same... but I might go the extra mile and just have a 10 calorie soup for dinner instead. I'm aiming to keep my intake under 100 tomorrow with 2 ten calorie soups and a handful of grapes at work. Wish me luck!
Morning!
I'll comment back to my comments a little later, I've got to be in a meeting in 20 minutes so I've got to make this quick.
After weigh-in this morning, I'm down 0.6lbs since yesterday. Which... I should be happy, but it tastes a lot like failure. I just have to keep telling myself at least it's a loss - I can't reasonably EXPECT to lose 1-2lbs per day consistently. I think the faster loss before is probably due to food and water weight, but at least right now I'm down 3.6lbs from last Thursday. Which, by all means, should be totally acceptable.
I'm not really disappointed in the lower loss, but I'm not ecstatic either. I'm kind of indifferent, if that makes sense.
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the 100 cal bag of popcorn last night FELT like a huge binge, even though it totally wasn't, so that set me up to feel like crap today. God, how lame is that?
Anyway. Plan for today:
Breakfast
26 Grapes : 76 calories
(I just pulled off three small bunches and counted them as I ate, so the number is totally random)
Lunch
10-cal soup : 10 calories
Dinner
Frozen meal : 294 calories
Total for the day: 380
Totally acceptable. =]
I AM craving ice cream to a ridiculous degree right now - but I don't have access to any and even if I do go to buy cat food and litter tonight, I won't buy any food unless it's fruit. If I can keep it up I may allow myself a scoop on Sunday as a reward, but can't overdo it, and won't have any until then. I really wish frozen yogurt was common here, it would make this so much easier. As it is, I might just see if they've got some lemon sorbet this weekend instead, the one I had from Tesco wasn't very caloriffic.
I can't believe how... easy this week has been. But, I've got to print off a load of documents and get ready for this meeting, so I'll save that for another post
Lots of Love
Vee xox
After weigh-in this morning, I'm down 0.6lbs since yesterday. Which... I should be happy, but it tastes a lot like failure. I just have to keep telling myself at least it's a loss - I can't reasonably EXPECT to lose 1-2lbs per day consistently. I think the faster loss before is probably due to food and water weight, but at least right now I'm down 3.6lbs from last Thursday. Which, by all means, should be totally acceptable.
I'm not really disappointed in the lower loss, but I'm not ecstatic either. I'm kind of indifferent, if that makes sense.
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the 100 cal bag of popcorn last night FELT like a huge binge, even though it totally wasn't, so that set me up to feel like crap today. God, how lame is that?
Anyway. Plan for today:
Breakfast
26 Grapes : 76 calories
(I just pulled off three small bunches and counted them as I ate, so the number is totally random)
Lunch
10-cal soup : 10 calories
Dinner
Frozen meal : 294 calories
Total for the day: 380
Totally acceptable. =]
I AM craving ice cream to a ridiculous degree right now - but I don't have access to any and even if I do go to buy cat food and litter tonight, I won't buy any food unless it's fruit. If I can keep it up I may allow myself a scoop on Sunday as a reward, but can't overdo it, and won't have any until then. I really wish frozen yogurt was common here, it would make this so much easier. As it is, I might just see if they've got some lemon sorbet this weekend instead, the one I had from Tesco wasn't very caloriffic.
I can't believe how... easy this week has been. But, I've got to print off a load of documents and get ready for this meeting, so I'll save that for another post
Lots of Love
Vee xox
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
On A More Positive Note
The day is going well so far. I need to stop hitting up Facebook during lunch though, because I found out that apparently all the drama going on with my immediate family back home is still ongoing. But I don't know EXACTLY what's happening at this point and it's maddening.
I posted about it before but my mom called in tears last Sunday (I think it was sunday anyway) about stuff that had been going on. The next day she called and things seemed to be mostly ironed out. Now my sister's facebook status is bitching that "that little bitch" (presumably meaning my brother's ex / my nephew's mom) stirring up shit is causing issues in her relationship and that all of my immediate family are wound up so tight they're constantly snapping.
What a feel-good story. I can't WAIT to go visit. Sigh.
Anyway, that's irritating, and hopefully I'll get to talk to my mom before the weekend to find out what's going down. If I do I'll keep you posted.
BUT on a more positive note, I've stuck to my guns at work (despite a sudden and HUGE craving for chips, cheese and gravy around 1 o'clock) and my intake so far is still just me 10-calorie chicken soup. Mmm.
It's almost 3 now - funny, I always seem to get an urge to blog around 3 haha - so I've got two hours to go. I worked out my hours and thank god I don't have to stay until 5:30 today. Because I worked an extra 15 minutes yesterday and managed to get in for 8:30 today I can just take off at 5 - and then I'm free to go at 4 tomorrow as long as I'm in early enough to cover it.
So, I've only got two hours left to work. And the three pieces of work I've got left to do are super easy, so yay!
My only gripe right now is that because yesterday was The Longest Day Ever, it feels like it should be Wednesday today, which would rock. But it is not.
Also, J has gone to visit her brother and sis-in-law at their caravan for a couple days, so it's just me and my aunt at home until Thursday evening. And I'm kind of glad for the break. J can be randomly moody over nothing and make snarky comments over the tiniest things. The other day, I had something to eat and put my plate in the sink since it was already filled with water and some other cups and stuff. 99% of the time I wash my dishes as I use them but this one time I put it in the sink (everyone else does it, and my aunts have been known to pass me their dirty dishes as I'm washing mine, and I don't mind doing it *shrug*) but J made a deal out of it. Grumbling "I'll do the dishes then, shall I?" And I don't know that it was necessarily directed AT me or my aunt, but both of them had been home all day and the other stuff in the sink was theirs, so what gives?
I bitch too much, hah.
She was okay yesterday, I dunno. Hopefully a couple days away will bring her back a little more chill? I think it's getting to her that she's not at work and is at home all day, or something. Cabin Fever maybe.
Usually when J is away my aunt and I do something... like make something nice for dinner, or get pizza and watch some movies, then stay up late and get the Ouija board out (that J doesn't know I have, since she's dead-set against having one in her house). But, since my aunt is on her pre surgery diet, no temptations to order any takeout, so yay =] We'll probably do nothing special or interesting in the next couple days - I think we'll just appreciate the quiet, to be honest.
I need to get some more water to drink. More later! xx
I posted about it before but my mom called in tears last Sunday (I think it was sunday anyway) about stuff that had been going on. The next day she called and things seemed to be mostly ironed out. Now my sister's facebook status is bitching that "that little bitch" (presumably meaning my brother's ex / my nephew's mom) stirring up shit is causing issues in her relationship and that all of my immediate family are wound up so tight they're constantly snapping.
What a feel-good story. I can't WAIT to go visit. Sigh.
Anyway, that's irritating, and hopefully I'll get to talk to my mom before the weekend to find out what's going down. If I do I'll keep you posted.
BUT on a more positive note, I've stuck to my guns at work (despite a sudden and HUGE craving for chips, cheese and gravy around 1 o'clock) and my intake so far is still just me 10-calorie chicken soup. Mmm.
It's almost 3 now - funny, I always seem to get an urge to blog around 3 haha - so I've got two hours to go. I worked out my hours and thank god I don't have to stay until 5:30 today. Because I worked an extra 15 minutes yesterday and managed to get in for 8:30 today I can just take off at 5 - and then I'm free to go at 4 tomorrow as long as I'm in early enough to cover it.
So, I've only got two hours left to work. And the three pieces of work I've got left to do are super easy, so yay!
My only gripe right now is that because yesterday was The Longest Day Ever, it feels like it should be Wednesday today, which would rock. But it is not.
Also, J has gone to visit her brother and sis-in-law at their caravan for a couple days, so it's just me and my aunt at home until Thursday evening. And I'm kind of glad for the break. J can be randomly moody over nothing and make snarky comments over the tiniest things. The other day, I had something to eat and put my plate in the sink since it was already filled with water and some other cups and stuff. 99% of the time I wash my dishes as I use them but this one time I put it in the sink (everyone else does it, and my aunts have been known to pass me their dirty dishes as I'm washing mine, and I don't mind doing it *shrug*) but J made a deal out of it. Grumbling "I'll do the dishes then, shall I?" And I don't know that it was necessarily directed AT me or my aunt, but both of them had been home all day and the other stuff in the sink was theirs, so what gives?
I bitch too much, hah.
She was okay yesterday, I dunno. Hopefully a couple days away will bring her back a little more chill? I think it's getting to her that she's not at work and is at home all day, or something. Cabin Fever maybe.
Usually when J is away my aunt and I do something... like make something nice for dinner, or get pizza and watch some movies, then stay up late and get the Ouija board out (that J doesn't know I have, since she's dead-set against having one in her house). But, since my aunt is on her pre surgery diet, no temptations to order any takeout, so yay =] We'll probably do nothing special or interesting in the next couple days - I think we'll just appreciate the quiet, to be honest.
I need to get some more water to drink. More later! xx
Can You Gimme A FUCK YES?!
Yesterday, I would not say was a very fabulous day. Food-wise I did pretty good, staying under my personal cap of 500. I know I'm not always going to be able to manage to stay that low, but at least if I've got a maximum goal in mind, it'll help... Also, for those interested, I gave up on the ABC deal a while ago again, obviously. I think I mentioned ages ago but.. I didn't like how strict the rules were. It's not like it was just a matter of limits being too low or anything, but like I said before, I prefer to be able to pick and choose my fast days. Sometimes it's easier to do than others, y'know?
Anyway, when I got home from work last night, I had a quick bite to eat and then immediately went upstairs to nap because I literally couldn't stand upright for another minute without falling over. I napped solidly from around 7 to 10, then woke up to get ready for bed (I would have just stayed in bed, but I HAD to get up to brush my teeth and get my retainer in - after all that pain and suffering I refuse to let my hard work be undone). It took a while to fall back to sleep though... and I slept kinda fitfully again. Although, I always do. I rarely ever sleep straight through for more than a couple of hours, and tend to wake up a thousand times during the night. At one point I also had a nightmare, but I can't really remember the specifics of it anymore. Except that at one part, my right ear was bleeding? No idea what that has to do with anything, really.
I'm getting off topic again, haha. Annyway, I remember waking up around 1 and realizing my cat wasn't on my bed, although the night before she went OUT at 1:30 so I wasn't too concerned. When I woke up just after 3 and she still wasn't in, though, I started worrying. My last cat was run over just outside our last house, my aunt's cat was hit by a car and lived, my aunt's previous cat was hit by a car and died, and two of our old neighbours' cats were run over and killed too. So, to say the very least, I AM PARANOID.
So I crept downstairs, intending to have a quick look outside to see if I could find her or call her in - but as soon as I got into the kitchen/dining room and looked at the door, I could see her little face peering at me through the catflap. I called to her and she meowed at me, but didn't come inside. So I pushed the cat-flap so it was open and she tucked her head and front paws part of the way through - then stopped. Then pulled back out and started meowing at me again. In the end, I had to unlock the back door and open it for her so she would come inside and go to bed. I have no idea what was up with her, she's never had an issue with the cat-flap before, but last night she refused to go through it *shrug*
But anyway, yesterday's restriction did the job. This morning I am exactly 2lbs lighter than I was yesterday morning, and that's put me in an amazing mood for the day. I'm still pretty tired, and the lack of food is making me slightly lightheaded at times, but it's worth it!
Today's plan is much like yesterday:
Breakfast: zilch
Lunch: 10-calorie chicken soup
Dinner: 220-calorie frozen meal
So, that brings my total to 230, which will be AMAZING if I can achieve it. I honestly can't remember the last time I managed to get my intake so low. And after yesterday, it really feels do-able, you know? Like the 220-calorie frozen dinner is probably more food but less calories than the little canned hot dogs I had last night, and when I went to bed I had no cravings and wasn't hungry at all.
So, yay!
Oops, just realized I've been at work for 40 minutes and havent' done anything but comment and blog yet, so I need to get some stuff done, hehe.
Talk to you all soon!
Also: a Shoutout to Samantha, whose comment on my last entry totally made my day, and Dot, whose constant comments remind me why I do this. You girls rock hard! <3
Vee xox
Anyway, when I got home from work last night, I had a quick bite to eat and then immediately went upstairs to nap because I literally couldn't stand upright for another minute without falling over. I napped solidly from around 7 to 10, then woke up to get ready for bed (I would have just stayed in bed, but I HAD to get up to brush my teeth and get my retainer in - after all that pain and suffering I refuse to let my hard work be undone). It took a while to fall back to sleep though... and I slept kinda fitfully again. Although, I always do. I rarely ever sleep straight through for more than a couple of hours, and tend to wake up a thousand times during the night. At one point I also had a nightmare, but I can't really remember the specifics of it anymore. Except that at one part, my right ear was bleeding? No idea what that has to do with anything, really.
I'm getting off topic again, haha. Annyway, I remember waking up around 1 and realizing my cat wasn't on my bed, although the night before she went OUT at 1:30 so I wasn't too concerned. When I woke up just after 3 and she still wasn't in, though, I started worrying. My last cat was run over just outside our last house, my aunt's cat was hit by a car and lived, my aunt's previous cat was hit by a car and died, and two of our old neighbours' cats were run over and killed too. So, to say the very least, I AM PARANOID.
So I crept downstairs, intending to have a quick look outside to see if I could find her or call her in - but as soon as I got into the kitchen/dining room and looked at the door, I could see her little face peering at me through the catflap. I called to her and she meowed at me, but didn't come inside. So I pushed the cat-flap so it was open and she tucked her head and front paws part of the way through - then stopped. Then pulled back out and started meowing at me again. In the end, I had to unlock the back door and open it for her so she would come inside and go to bed. I have no idea what was up with her, she's never had an issue with the cat-flap before, but last night she refused to go through it *shrug*
But anyway, yesterday's restriction did the job. This morning I am exactly 2lbs lighter than I was yesterday morning, and that's put me in an amazing mood for the day. I'm still pretty tired, and the lack of food is making me slightly lightheaded at times, but it's worth it!
Today's plan is much like yesterday:
Breakfast: zilch
Lunch: 10-calorie chicken soup
Dinner: 220-calorie frozen meal
So, that brings my total to 230, which will be AMAZING if I can achieve it. I honestly can't remember the last time I managed to get my intake so low. And after yesterday, it really feels do-able, you know? Like the 220-calorie frozen dinner is probably more food but less calories than the little canned hot dogs I had last night, and when I went to bed I had no cravings and wasn't hungry at all.
So, yay!
Oops, just realized I've been at work for 40 minutes and havent' done anything but comment and blog yet, so I need to get some stuff done, hehe.
Talk to you all soon!
Also: a Shoutout to Samantha, whose comment on my last entry totally made my day, and Dot, whose constant comments remind me why I do this. You girls rock hard! <3
Vee xox
Monday, 15 June 2009
Fucked-Off and Fabulous
Bad times, you guys, bad times.
But also good times.
I'll start with the bad so that I can cheer myself up by the end of my post. If I Start with the good and end with the bad, I'll just be super pissed off and depressed and ruin the goodness of the day.
So the bad news is that I gained two and a half pounds since yesterday. Had I known I was going to gain so much anyway I might have given in to the urge to binge yesterday. But I guess it's best that I didn't. I'm trying to placate myself with the knowledge that the gain was probably not from yesterday but from Saturday, and the weight loss yesterday was just a fluke before the alcohol calories took over. Easy on, easy off. HAH! Whatever. I'm having a single 10 calorie soup tonight and that is all. I need to get out of the Danger Zone. I NEED TO DO IT.
Bleh. Ok, that's the bad. Here comes the good.
The first is that Saturday was amazing. I met up with my good buddy S around noonish at the mall. We had lunch at Nandos (Starter: Humous with pitta bread. Main: Portobello mushroom and halloumi cheese wrap. Dessert: Strawberry Frozen Yogurt. Let it be known this is the first time I have heard of Frozen Yogurt existing here. It was amazing, but made me long for a chocolate Yogen Fruz with 0 calories. Sigh) and then we headed back into the main mall area to shop. In total we were there around four hours. Then we headed back downtown to meet her boyfriend and get some Starbucks (Strawberries and Cream Frapp) and chat for a couple of hours.
We also decided to go out on the town, whoo! Well, more like her boyfriend L texted me the night before asking if I wanted to go out for some drinks with the two of them, as nobody responded when he asked all their friends out to celebrate her birthday. Then it turned into a night of pub crawling, and they invited a ton of other people but it turned out to just be the three of us.
I had... not a TON to drink, but more than I have in a while. Vodka and redbull. Double archer's and lemonade (Sprite for the non-Brits). Tiger Lily cocktail. Six various shots, plus a straight shot of Tia Maria (I'd never had it before and HOT DAMN!). Jager Bomb. Is that it? I can't remember any more. Oh yeah there was some Southern Comfort and lemonade involved at one point. Hmm.
Anyway, I was pretty drunk, but then before we had the last couple of shots we went to find something to eat. The three of us shared a portion of chips and cheese and donner/kebab/donair meat. I didn't eat a lot but it sobered me up quite a bit and by the time we left I was just feeling tipsy. It was a great night, though. We didn't get to spend enough time dancing in the 80's club, though. And we left before they played Pour Some Sugar On Me, which I requested. But still, it was a good night.
Surprisingly I got ID'd at every pub/bar/club we went into. Except for one. One of the bouncers just asked how old I was and then told me I didn't look 23 as he looked for the DOB on my passport.
In the end I wasn't hungover at all yesterday, which is good (lol S said she was quite hung over after our epic night out). I was really tired and a little dehydrated, but before I went to bed I took two painkillers and a TON TON TON of water, and I think that helped lessen the effects a bit. Thank god. I love going out and I love drinking but I hate hangovers =/ Luckily I've only ever really been hung over three times in my life.
I'm pretty convinced S used to be Ana. At one point we were discussing diets and how we've put on weight since living with family. Mine is with my aunts "family meals" and takeout, which are now a thing of the past. Hers is staying with her grandmother and not having any control over portion size. She'd mentioned before that she used to weigh 6.5 stone (which I calculated out to 91lbs, and she's about 5'3 tall - she's currently a size 10 and looks great, so 2 stone ago I can only imagine how skinny she was. Colour me jealous!). When she was talking about her grandmother feeding her since she's moved back in - she and L are staying with her granny until the sale goes through and they can move into their new house - she said "because I used to have.. problems with my weight... if I don't finish everything that's put on a plate in front of me, people make a big deal about me not eating right." I only half-jokingly said "Jeez people, piss off, I'll starve myself if I want to!" and she just laughed and nodded.
I Was telling her about the milk-yogurt diet J did before surgery and how she lost a stone in 10 days, and her boyfriend said he wanted to do it. And then S asked him "Can I do it? I want to lose a stone" and he told her she's dumb and her ass is fabulous etc, but she can if she wants to. Which again makes me think she's got a history.
I don't want to ask her outright. S is my best friend and I Wish I could confess to her. But I don't want to be wrong and wind up fucking up our relationship. So, I'll just ride the waves and see where they go I guess.
The other piece of good news also involves S, and that she might be coming back to work with me! Right now we work for the same company, but in different departments in different buildings doing different stuff. But she told me on the weekend her contract in the other department is only until July, and it's on a "take it from there" basis, but that she'd prefer to come back here to work with me. Which would be, quite frankly, fucking awesome. So I told her I'd ask my manager / her old manager about it.
I wasn't very subtle about it, I didn't know how to bring it up lol.
"So uh.. Do we have a need for another already-trained member of staff?" he looked at me questioningly, but before he could respond yet I proceeded with "Because S wants to come back"
And almost immediately he said "Yes, tell her we'll have her back!"
He needs to check it by his manager and see what the budget is, if they can pay her a salary, but he said it's a tentative yes and he'll give me a definite answer for her by the end of the day. Fuckin' Awesome!
It would be great to work with her again, it'd give me something to do. The two of us never shut up when we're in the same room. Hell, our internal email conversations stretch on for pages in a single reply.
I think it should be ok to go through... because, when she was a temp here, they offered her a permanent job then. Except, the other department/building had already made her an offer that same morning and she'd accepted it, not knowing this place wanted her too. And by the time her manager here offered, it was too late to go back on the other offer, without looking like a flake. But basically since she left, she's been wanting to come back, and now that her contract is coming to an end in the next few weeks, hopefully it'll all go through. I can't wait.
I mean, I see her outside of work and text/email her all the time, but it'll be great having her back here. And hell, we can "diet" together, since she did say she wants to lose a stone, and I want to lose like, eighty.
So yeah. I'm fucked off because Saturday seems to have caught up with me and the weight gain is very, very unwelcome. But I've got until Friday to starve off a couple pounds. Friday S and I are off to Manchester for the day and we're hitting the Hard Rock cafe, but it shouldn't be TOO bad. After that we don't have any plans for eating out, just things like bowling and going to the cinema, so it should be okay.
I'm trying to stay positive. Whoo, go me.
Hope you had a nice weekend, ladies!
Vee xoxo
ps: sorry for the random ass post yesterday. I was trying to do an update on my mobile phone but the text field for the actual post itself wasn't working. Fucking thing. I want an iPhone. Unfortunately, I'm stuck on my current contract and can't upgrade until next May. Suckage.
But also good times.
I'll start with the bad so that I can cheer myself up by the end of my post. If I Start with the good and end with the bad, I'll just be super pissed off and depressed and ruin the goodness of the day.
So the bad news is that I gained two and a half pounds since yesterday. Had I known I was going to gain so much anyway I might have given in to the urge to binge yesterday. But I guess it's best that I didn't. I'm trying to placate myself with the knowledge that the gain was probably not from yesterday but from Saturday, and the weight loss yesterday was just a fluke before the alcohol calories took over. Easy on, easy off. HAH! Whatever. I'm having a single 10 calorie soup tonight and that is all. I need to get out of the Danger Zone. I NEED TO DO IT.
Bleh. Ok, that's the bad. Here comes the good.
The first is that Saturday was amazing. I met up with my good buddy S around noonish at the mall. We had lunch at Nandos (Starter: Humous with pitta bread. Main: Portobello mushroom and halloumi cheese wrap. Dessert: Strawberry Frozen Yogurt. Let it be known this is the first time I have heard of Frozen Yogurt existing here. It was amazing, but made me long for a chocolate Yogen Fruz with 0 calories. Sigh) and then we headed back into the main mall area to shop. In total we were there around four hours. Then we headed back downtown to meet her boyfriend and get some Starbucks (Strawberries and Cream Frapp) and chat for a couple of hours.
We also decided to go out on the town, whoo! Well, more like her boyfriend L texted me the night before asking if I wanted to go out for some drinks with the two of them, as nobody responded when he asked all their friends out to celebrate her birthday. Then it turned into a night of pub crawling, and they invited a ton of other people but it turned out to just be the three of us.
I had... not a TON to drink, but more than I have in a while. Vodka and redbull. Double archer's and lemonade (Sprite for the non-Brits). Tiger Lily cocktail. Six various shots, plus a straight shot of Tia Maria (I'd never had it before and HOT DAMN!). Jager Bomb. Is that it? I can't remember any more. Oh yeah there was some Southern Comfort and lemonade involved at one point. Hmm.
Anyway, I was pretty drunk, but then before we had the last couple of shots we went to find something to eat. The three of us shared a portion of chips and cheese and donner/kebab/donair meat. I didn't eat a lot but it sobered me up quite a bit and by the time we left I was just feeling tipsy. It was a great night, though. We didn't get to spend enough time dancing in the 80's club, though. And we left before they played Pour Some Sugar On Me, which I requested. But still, it was a good night.
Surprisingly I got ID'd at every pub/bar/club we went into. Except for one. One of the bouncers just asked how old I was and then told me I didn't look 23 as he looked for the DOB on my passport.
In the end I wasn't hungover at all yesterday, which is good (lol S said she was quite hung over after our epic night out). I was really tired and a little dehydrated, but before I went to bed I took two painkillers and a TON TON TON of water, and I think that helped lessen the effects a bit. Thank god. I love going out and I love drinking but I hate hangovers =/ Luckily I've only ever really been hung over three times in my life.
I'm pretty convinced S used to be Ana. At one point we were discussing diets and how we've put on weight since living with family. Mine is with my aunts "family meals" and takeout, which are now a thing of the past. Hers is staying with her grandmother and not having any control over portion size. She'd mentioned before that she used to weigh 6.5 stone (which I calculated out to 91lbs, and she's about 5'3 tall - she's currently a size 10 and looks great, so 2 stone ago I can only imagine how skinny she was. Colour me jealous!). When she was talking about her grandmother feeding her since she's moved back in - she and L are staying with her granny until the sale goes through and they can move into their new house - she said "because I used to have.. problems with my weight... if I don't finish everything that's put on a plate in front of me, people make a big deal about me not eating right." I only half-jokingly said "Jeez people, piss off, I'll starve myself if I want to!" and she just laughed and nodded.
I Was telling her about the milk-yogurt diet J did before surgery and how she lost a stone in 10 days, and her boyfriend said he wanted to do it. And then S asked him "Can I do it? I want to lose a stone" and he told her she's dumb and her ass is fabulous etc, but she can if she wants to. Which again makes me think she's got a history.
I don't want to ask her outright. S is my best friend and I Wish I could confess to her. But I don't want to be wrong and wind up fucking up our relationship. So, I'll just ride the waves and see where they go I guess.
The other piece of good news also involves S, and that she might be coming back to work with me! Right now we work for the same company, but in different departments in different buildings doing different stuff. But she told me on the weekend her contract in the other department is only until July, and it's on a "take it from there" basis, but that she'd prefer to come back here to work with me. Which would be, quite frankly, fucking awesome. So I told her I'd ask my manager / her old manager about it.
I wasn't very subtle about it, I didn't know how to bring it up lol.
"So uh.. Do we have a need for another already-trained member of staff?" he looked at me questioningly, but before he could respond yet I proceeded with "Because S wants to come back"
And almost immediately he said "Yes, tell her we'll have her back!"
He needs to check it by his manager and see what the budget is, if they can pay her a salary, but he said it's a tentative yes and he'll give me a definite answer for her by the end of the day. Fuckin' Awesome!
It would be great to work with her again, it'd give me something to do. The two of us never shut up when we're in the same room. Hell, our internal email conversations stretch on for pages in a single reply.
I think it should be ok to go through... because, when she was a temp here, they offered her a permanent job then. Except, the other department/building had already made her an offer that same morning and she'd accepted it, not knowing this place wanted her too. And by the time her manager here offered, it was too late to go back on the other offer, without looking like a flake. But basically since she left, she's been wanting to come back, and now that her contract is coming to an end in the next few weeks, hopefully it'll all go through. I can't wait.
I mean, I see her outside of work and text/email her all the time, but it'll be great having her back here. And hell, we can "diet" together, since she did say she wants to lose a stone, and I want to lose like, eighty.
So yeah. I'm fucked off because Saturday seems to have caught up with me and the weight gain is very, very unwelcome. But I've got until Friday to starve off a couple pounds. Friday S and I are off to Manchester for the day and we're hitting the Hard Rock cafe, but it shouldn't be TOO bad. After that we don't have any plans for eating out, just things like bowling and going to the cinema, so it should be okay.
I'm trying to stay positive. Whoo, go me.
Hope you had a nice weekend, ladies!
Vee xoxo
ps: sorry for the random ass post yesterday. I was trying to do an update on my mobile phone but the text field for the actual post itself wasn't working. Fucking thing. I want an iPhone. Unfortunately, I'm stuck on my current contract and can't upgrade until next May. Suckage.
Friday, 12 June 2009
Going Strong!
Totally making up for yesterday big time!
It's currently 3:30 in the afternoon here in Sunny ol' England (and it actually IS sunny here for a change what the shit?) and I'm leaving work at 4. And so far I have consumed 5 calories, in the form of a 500ml bottle of 7-Up Free.
My stomach was grumbling and hungry between 10 and 11ish, but I made myself wait until after 12 to make my 10-calorie soup. I plunged on with my work instead, and the next thing I knew it was nearly 2pm, and I wasn't even hungry anymore. Still am not, in fact.
So, fabulousness.
After a 10-kcal soup at home, and another bottle of 7-Up Free, my total intake will be exactly 20 calories.
As an aside, this right here is why I'm not sure it's worth me doing the ABC diet. Technically speaking, today would have been a 500 calorie day, but I'm strong and doing it well anyway. But that said, is it worth doing ANY plan at all? I spent all of yesterday agonizing that I needed a structure, but yet here I am doing it on my own and ignoring what structure dictates.
Something to think about, I guess.
Have a nice weekend dolls! Hopefully my internet will be hooked up soon, so I can post when I'm not at work =/
Vee xox
It's currently 3:30 in the afternoon here in Sunny ol' England (and it actually IS sunny here for a change what the shit?) and I'm leaving work at 4. And so far I have consumed 5 calories, in the form of a 500ml bottle of 7-Up Free.
My stomach was grumbling and hungry between 10 and 11ish, but I made myself wait until after 12 to make my 10-calorie soup. I plunged on with my work instead, and the next thing I knew it was nearly 2pm, and I wasn't even hungry anymore. Still am not, in fact.
So, fabulousness.
After a 10-kcal soup at home, and another bottle of 7-Up Free, my total intake will be exactly 20 calories.
As an aside, this right here is why I'm not sure it's worth me doing the ABC diet. Technically speaking, today would have been a 500 calorie day, but I'm strong and doing it well anyway. But that said, is it worth doing ANY plan at all? I spent all of yesterday agonizing that I needed a structure, but yet here I am doing it on my own and ignoring what structure dictates.
Something to think about, I guess.
Have a nice weekend dolls! Hopefully my internet will be hooked up soon, so I can post when I'm not at work =/
Vee xox
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
A Moment of Strength
God, I'm so fucking upbeat and positive today that I kind of want to scream. Remember when I wrote ages ago about starvation = euphoria? It's still fucking true. I've missed this. It's an amazing feeling.
Just now I went to the little book stall set up outside my work's canteen, and picked up a birthday present for S - a dessert cookbook. And it cost me £4. Regular price? £20. Score! So I shall just need to get a card and wrap it up nicely and it's good to go. Although in retrospect we're now going to have to carry it around the mall on Saturday. Oh well =]
I also picked up a little Juice recipe book set. It's so cute, the box that the three little books are in is shaped like a mini juice/milk carton (That just made me think, do we have milk cartons over here? I know we have the bottles but I can't remember seeing any cardboard cartons. Trippy! Screw cartons, England needs to discover the good ol' Milk In A Bag that we had back in Canada, ehehe. Ok ok, I'm off topic already). The three books are for Vegetable juices, Fruit juices, and Smoothies respectively.
I figure this will be good because I've been wanting a juicer and to be able to do some juice-fasts every now and again, and the book will give me a little inspiration and I'll be able to try something new rather than eating and drinking the same boring shit every day. It'll be... interesting. The problem right now is that I don't actually HAVE a juicer. There's one on sale in the Morrison's near my new house that has one on sale for £9.98, and I was going to buy it, but then J said her sister in law gave them one ages ago and its in their garage. Which is ok but do I really want a juicer that's been sitting in their spider-infested garage for the past 2+ years? Probably not. I think I'll buy the juicer when I go shopping this weekend. And also make a mental note to buy some fruits and vegetables to try a couple of the juices out.
Honestly, I'm so excited about this. More than I should be, haha.
Jeez... I've posted SIX times already today? I have issues...
Moving on.
Like I said, the book stall was outside work's canteen. I went in to get a Pepsi Max, because I need something other than lukewarm-water-that-gives-me-heartburn to drink, and the drinks machine near where my desk is doesn't have a SINGLE diet beverage in it. And although that Lilt would have tasted amazing, it wasn't worth the 60 calories for a 500ml bottle.
Anyway, I was SO tempted to buy something to eat. First I looked at the yogurts, but I already had a yogurt at my desk. Then I looked at the fruit, but they looked like they were in a state of suspended decay. Then I looked at the sandwiches and so very very nearly picked up a cheese-and-pepperoni panini. And then I saw the mushroom stroganoff with rice, and a voice inside said "You did so well yesterday, having that for lunch today isn't going to kill you, you know" - but I fought it down and let that other voice take over instead. The one that was telling me "What's the point in doing so well yesterday to begin with if you're going to turn around and fuck it right up again on day two? Are you really so god damn weak that you can't handle two days in a row without stuffing yourself full of greasy food like the fat pig you don't want to be?"
I turned away, internally screaming at the voice that dared to tell me it was okay. Because it was not okay at all. I could do this, I wasn't even really hungry, I just wanted it because it was THERE and it would taste okay for the entire ten minutes it would take me to eat it. But then were would I be? So I smiled and I turned away and went to pay for my bottle of pop.
Then, I was interrupted when the lady from the security desk in reception turned to me and said hi. Told me I looked different, good-different with blonde hair and she didn't recognize me at first. She told me I looked "fab" and I wanted to hit her. I do not look fab. The last compliment she paid me was the last time I ran into her about a year ago, when she told me "My god, you've lost a load of weight, you look fantastic!" - which she couldn't say to me today because here I am, 30lbs heavier than I was back then.
Funny, isn't it? A compliment means nothing unless it's a comment about how much weight you've lost, how slim and skinny you look.
All the same, I'm still in a great mood. I came back to my desk and ate my yogurt and I can honestly, truly say that I feel full. I'm not just talking sated and not-hungry but actually full. Which just reinforces the fact that I don't actually, really, need to eat more. If I'd bought food from the canteen, I'd have eaten it just for the sake of it, I would have regretted it and felt like shit and gained weight. And I wasn't even hungry.
I love these moments. The times I make the right decisions. They seem way too few and far between, but when they happen I feel elated.
Haha ok I'm going to try not to write any more random posts today, lord knows I've already spammed up my followers' dashboard bloglist enough.
No posts tomorrow as I'm off work and the home internet isn't up yet. But I'll be thinking of you! xxx
Just now I went to the little book stall set up outside my work's canteen, and picked up a birthday present for S - a dessert cookbook. And it cost me £4. Regular price? £20. Score! So I shall just need to get a card and wrap it up nicely and it's good to go. Although in retrospect we're now going to have to carry it around the mall on Saturday. Oh well =]
I also picked up a little Juice recipe book set. It's so cute, the box that the three little books are in is shaped like a mini juice/milk carton (That just made me think, do we have milk cartons over here? I know we have the bottles but I can't remember seeing any cardboard cartons. Trippy! Screw cartons, England needs to discover the good ol' Milk In A Bag that we had back in Canada, ehehe. Ok ok, I'm off topic already). The three books are for Vegetable juices, Fruit juices, and Smoothies respectively.
I figure this will be good because I've been wanting a juicer and to be able to do some juice-fasts every now and again, and the book will give me a little inspiration and I'll be able to try something new rather than eating and drinking the same boring shit every day. It'll be... interesting. The problem right now is that I don't actually HAVE a juicer. There's one on sale in the Morrison's near my new house that has one on sale for £9.98, and I was going to buy it, but then J said her sister in law gave them one ages ago and its in their garage. Which is ok but do I really want a juicer that's been sitting in their spider-infested garage for the past 2+ years? Probably not. I think I'll buy the juicer when I go shopping this weekend. And also make a mental note to buy some fruits and vegetables to try a couple of the juices out.
Honestly, I'm so excited about this. More than I should be, haha.
Jeez... I've posted SIX times already today? I have issues...
Moving on.
Like I said, the book stall was outside work's canteen. I went in to get a Pepsi Max, because I need something other than lukewarm-water-that-gives-me-heartburn to drink, and the drinks machine near where my desk is doesn't have a SINGLE diet beverage in it. And although that Lilt would have tasted amazing, it wasn't worth the 60 calories for a 500ml bottle.
Anyway, I was SO tempted to buy something to eat. First I looked at the yogurts, but I already had a yogurt at my desk. Then I looked at the fruit, but they looked like they were in a state of suspended decay. Then I looked at the sandwiches and so very very nearly picked up a cheese-and-pepperoni panini. And then I saw the mushroom stroganoff with rice, and a voice inside said "You did so well yesterday, having that for lunch today isn't going to kill you, you know" - but I fought it down and let that other voice take over instead. The one that was telling me "What's the point in doing so well yesterday to begin with if you're going to turn around and fuck it right up again on day two? Are you really so god damn weak that you can't handle two days in a row without stuffing yourself full of greasy food like the fat pig you don't want to be?"
I turned away, internally screaming at the voice that dared to tell me it was okay. Because it was not okay at all. I could do this, I wasn't even really hungry, I just wanted it because it was THERE and it would taste okay for the entire ten minutes it would take me to eat it. But then were would I be? So I smiled and I turned away and went to pay for my bottle of pop.
Then, I was interrupted when the lady from the security desk in reception turned to me and said hi. Told me I looked different, good-different with blonde hair and she didn't recognize me at first. She told me I looked "fab" and I wanted to hit her. I do not look fab. The last compliment she paid me was the last time I ran into her about a year ago, when she told me "My god, you've lost a load of weight, you look fantastic!" - which she couldn't say to me today because here I am, 30lbs heavier than I was back then.
Funny, isn't it? A compliment means nothing unless it's a comment about how much weight you've lost, how slim and skinny you look.
All the same, I'm still in a great mood. I came back to my desk and ate my yogurt and I can honestly, truly say that I feel full. I'm not just talking sated and not-hungry but actually full. Which just reinforces the fact that I don't actually, really, need to eat more. If I'd bought food from the canteen, I'd have eaten it just for the sake of it, I would have regretted it and felt like shit and gained weight. And I wasn't even hungry.
I love these moments. The times I make the right decisions. They seem way too few and far between, but when they happen I feel elated.
Haha ok I'm going to try not to write any more random posts today, lord knows I've already spammed up my followers' dashboard bloglist enough.
No posts tomorrow as I'm off work and the home internet isn't up yet. But I'll be thinking of you! xxx
Confessional
So far, so good.
Last night I stuck to my guns and just had a 10 calorie chicken flavoured soup for dinner. Add two mugs of Dr Pepper Zero, and that was it last night. Added to the cereal-soymilk-yogurt at work and my daily total was 199 =]
So pleased with myself. Even moreso because my daily weigh in registered a drop of FIVE POUNDS since yesterday. Because of that, I'm feeling more comfortable admitting the current state of affairs. This morning I was 199.4lbs. I'm still in denial and can't bring myself to post the number that turned up yesterday, but I'm sure you can all do the simple math. And that is why I felt like a failure. I weighed MORE yesterday than I did when I started this blog.
But progress has been made and the big cut to my calorie intake seems to have done the job. I will readily admit that at least half of it is probably water weight, and some of the weigh in yesterday might have been water and bowel weight - but regardless of the reason for the numbers, the one that turned up yesterday was simply unacceptible.
Today I am planning more of the same. I've had my cereal, I've got another fat free yogurt for lunch, and I've got the 10-calorie soups in the cupboard at home. So all going according to plan today should be 199 calories again.
We may or may not be going to the cinema tonight. J wants to see the new Star Trek movie before she has her surgery (tomorrow) and my aunt said we'd go last night to get it in before the big surgery date. Of course, when I got home from work last night my aunt professed to being too tired and said we'd go tonight instead. J said she had a lot to do (getting all her things together for the hospital, and they're bringing the big TV from the old house tonight too) and wasn't sure we'd have time. Then my aunt was like "Well we don't have to go if you don't want to" and I really wanted to laugh. I wanted to say "J is the one that WANTS to go, you're the one making excuses not to" - especially since they just sat at home and watched tv until 11 anyway, so we might as well have gone to see the movie.
But, I'm digressing. All that is to say that we're planning to go to see it tonight, but then they're not sure it'll happen. We'll see.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I've got the day off work, and we're going with J to the hospital in the morning. She has to be there at 7. Ordinarily I would be near suicidal at that idea, because I am so desperately not a morning person. But since we moved into the new house my sleeping problems have grown more severe (fucking lack of decent curtains!!) so every day since we moved I've been awake between 5 and 5:30. So it's not really a big deal to have to leave around 6 tomorrow morning.
Then, I need to see if I can get my aunt to take me to the mall or to town or something because I need to pick up a couple things. It was my friend S's birthday last Friday and I'm going out with her on Saturday (shopping and planning our trip to Manchester next week and getting out free Starbucks and we're supposed to be lunching at Nandos, which is definitely going to be a challenge) so I need to pick up a card and a present. And I'm at a total loss. I've only known S since like October of last year, but she's quickly become one of my best friends (and I'm pretty sure she used to have an eating disorder because the last time we went out we were discussing diets and my aunts' surgery and she said "Just try the not-eating diet. I did that, and I used to weigh 6 stone until I met L (her boyfriend-now-fiancee)") But again, I'm digressing.
I'm not sure what to get for her. I know she's into Urban Decay makeup but I don't know what she already has and I don't want to buy her something she's already got. Ditto with cookbooks (specifically baking ones). So I might just buy her a leather wallet with butterflies on it that she saw when we went to River Island a couple of weeks ago. She'll probably expect it, because as she was agonizing over whether to get it or not I asked her then and there if she wanted me to get it for her birthday. But at least I know it's something she wants.
And then, I also need to get something for my grandmother. Christ, I can't remember if I blogged about this yesterday or if it was just in the email I sent S in the afternoon. Let me check, haha. Okay, no I didn't.
A couple of months ago I bought a few pairs of Rocket Dog flats. And I love them (I bought 2 each of 2 different styles, and the one style fit awesomely but the other style fits snug so I don't wear them often, even though they're nicer than the others). And, so does my grandmother. So I was going to get her a pair for cheap off of Ebay (where I got 3 of my 4 pairs from") for her birthday. They'd be perfect for summer, if we ever get a summer here.
Of course, then we moved, and I haven't had the internet for a week and a half. I was under the impression we'd have our broadband hooked up a couple of days after moving, but that's not the case. The old broadband was still hooked up, I think it's being disconnected today, and AOL said they couldn't hook theirs up until the old one was cut off. So, fun times. Anyway, now it's too late to order some in time for granny's birthday, since it's this Friday. So I'll probably get her a gift set from Lush or something.
I am queen of the cop-out gifts, it seems.
Anyway, I need to get some work done so I'll talk to you later.
Love you lots!
Vee xox
This is my new leaf. Watch me turn it over.
Last night I stuck to my guns and just had a 10 calorie chicken flavoured soup for dinner. Add two mugs of Dr Pepper Zero, and that was it last night. Added to the cereal-soymilk-yogurt at work and my daily total was 199 =]
So pleased with myself. Even moreso because my daily weigh in registered a drop of FIVE POUNDS since yesterday. Because of that, I'm feeling more comfortable admitting the current state of affairs. This morning I was 199.4lbs. I'm still in denial and can't bring myself to post the number that turned up yesterday, but I'm sure you can all do the simple math. And that is why I felt like a failure. I weighed MORE yesterday than I did when I started this blog.
But progress has been made and the big cut to my calorie intake seems to have done the job. I will readily admit that at least half of it is probably water weight, and some of the weigh in yesterday might have been water and bowel weight - but regardless of the reason for the numbers, the one that turned up yesterday was simply unacceptible.
Today I am planning more of the same. I've had my cereal, I've got another fat free yogurt for lunch, and I've got the 10-calorie soups in the cupboard at home. So all going according to plan today should be 199 calories again.
We may or may not be going to the cinema tonight. J wants to see the new Star Trek movie before she has her surgery (tomorrow) and my aunt said we'd go last night to get it in before the big surgery date. Of course, when I got home from work last night my aunt professed to being too tired and said we'd go tonight instead. J said she had a lot to do (getting all her things together for the hospital, and they're bringing the big TV from the old house tonight too) and wasn't sure we'd have time. Then my aunt was like "Well we don't have to go if you don't want to" and I really wanted to laugh. I wanted to say "J is the one that WANTS to go, you're the one making excuses not to" - especially since they just sat at home and watched tv until 11 anyway, so we might as well have gone to see the movie.
But, I'm digressing. All that is to say that we're planning to go to see it tonight, but then they're not sure it'll happen. We'll see.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I've got the day off work, and we're going with J to the hospital in the morning. She has to be there at 7. Ordinarily I would be near suicidal at that idea, because I am so desperately not a morning person. But since we moved into the new house my sleeping problems have grown more severe (fucking lack of decent curtains!!) so every day since we moved I've been awake between 5 and 5:30. So it's not really a big deal to have to leave around 6 tomorrow morning.
Then, I need to see if I can get my aunt to take me to the mall or to town or something because I need to pick up a couple things. It was my friend S's birthday last Friday and I'm going out with her on Saturday (shopping and planning our trip to Manchester next week and getting out free Starbucks and we're supposed to be lunching at Nandos, which is definitely going to be a challenge) so I need to pick up a card and a present. And I'm at a total loss. I've only known S since like October of last year, but she's quickly become one of my best friends (and I'm pretty sure she used to have an eating disorder because the last time we went out we were discussing diets and my aunts' surgery and she said "Just try the not-eating diet. I did that, and I used to weigh 6 stone until I met L (her boyfriend-now-fiancee)") But again, I'm digressing.
I'm not sure what to get for her. I know she's into Urban Decay makeup but I don't know what she already has and I don't want to buy her something she's already got. Ditto with cookbooks (specifically baking ones). So I might just buy her a leather wallet with butterflies on it that she saw when we went to River Island a couple of weeks ago. She'll probably expect it, because as she was agonizing over whether to get it or not I asked her then and there if she wanted me to get it for her birthday. But at least I know it's something she wants.
And then, I also need to get something for my grandmother. Christ, I can't remember if I blogged about this yesterday or if it was just in the email I sent S in the afternoon. Let me check, haha. Okay, no I didn't.
A couple of months ago I bought a few pairs of Rocket Dog flats. And I love them (I bought 2 each of 2 different styles, and the one style fit awesomely but the other style fits snug so I don't wear them often, even though they're nicer than the others). And, so does my grandmother. So I was going to get her a pair for cheap off of Ebay (where I got 3 of my 4 pairs from") for her birthday. They'd be perfect for summer, if we ever get a summer here.
Of course, then we moved, and I haven't had the internet for a week and a half. I was under the impression we'd have our broadband hooked up a couple of days after moving, but that's not the case. The old broadband was still hooked up, I think it's being disconnected today, and AOL said they couldn't hook theirs up until the old one was cut off. So, fun times. Anyway, now it's too late to order some in time for granny's birthday, since it's this Friday. So I'll probably get her a gift set from Lush or something.
I am queen of the cop-out gifts, it seems.
Anyway, I need to get some work done so I'll talk to you later.
Love you lots!
Vee xox
This is my new leaf. Watch me turn it over.
Monday, 8 June 2009
Good? Maybe.
This weekend was a shittalicious weekend. I mean I didn't overeat (aside from the bag of popcorn at the cinema on Saturday night, but I haven't had cinema popcorn in over a year and a half and I needed to get it out of my system. And after all the popcorn kernel skin crap that got all up in my gums, I'm kind of getting sick of it already) so it wasn't bad in THAT sense.
But it was bad in the sense that I managed to weigh myself and then nearly dropped dead right there in my bathroom.
I can't even bring myself to type or say it. I'm in denial. But this has forced me to really need to do something about it. I mean, the need has been there for a while but I let myself become complacent. Saying, hey, I've eaten more than I should but it's still less than a "normal person" so it's ok. But it isn't okay.
So, back to basics, baby.
Today has been a good day so far.
For breakfast I brought cereal to work. I found this awesome gadget at Morrison's this weekend that is like two pots that screw together. The bottom one has a gel lining and you put it in the freezer (like those plastic cups you get in summer with gel in it and you freeze it so it keeps your drinks cold?) and you put your milk in it and it keeps your milk cold. The top part you put the cereal into, then screw it on top of the milk part, pop it in a bag and you're good to go. The lid even has a foldy spoon in it. Super handy.
So, I bought some unsweetened soymilk. My aunts spent all last night bitching about how horrible soymilk is and yick. But honestly, I couldn't really tell a difference between that and the semiskimmed/2% they usually buy for cereal. Although, I don't like milk anyway so it all tastes just as nonyummy to me I guess.
So I had:
Half a cup of Special K cereal = Around 60 kcals (I'm going off the guidelines for Red Berries, which is slightly more than the one I bought)
Around 100mls of unsweetened Soymilk = Around 29kcals (I'll need to check the carton and do exact calcs when I get home)
That was breakfast. Then for lunch I just had a fat-free vanilla yogurt for 100 calories.
Total so far? 189. Yay, under 200!
Last night for dinner I had a Weight Watcher's Shepherd's pie. And you know what, it was pretty damn good, and only 220 calories. Which is MUCH better than some of the frozen meals out there. I don't think I've got another at home so it'll either be a salmon-broccoli-wedge-melt (around 290?) or a Slimfast Shake (219). Depending on how I feel when I get home I might actually up the ante a little and just have another 100-kcal yogurt
So... That makes my max at under 500, which is live-with-able. But I'm going to aim for that Yogurt because having sub-300 would just feel amazing.
OH SNAP. I just remembered I picked up some 10-calorie soups! Ignore all of the above, I'm having 10-calorie soup for dinner.
Total: 199 Calories.
Fuck. Yes.
We can do this ladies. Fuck yes we can.
Vee xox
But it was bad in the sense that I managed to weigh myself and then nearly dropped dead right there in my bathroom.
I can't even bring myself to type or say it. I'm in denial. But this has forced me to really need to do something about it. I mean, the need has been there for a while but I let myself become complacent. Saying, hey, I've eaten more than I should but it's still less than a "normal person" so it's ok. But it isn't okay.
So, back to basics, baby.
Today has been a good day so far.
For breakfast I brought cereal to work. I found this awesome gadget at Morrison's this weekend that is like two pots that screw together. The bottom one has a gel lining and you put it in the freezer (like those plastic cups you get in summer with gel in it and you freeze it so it keeps your drinks cold?) and you put your milk in it and it keeps your milk cold. The top part you put the cereal into, then screw it on top of the milk part, pop it in a bag and you're good to go. The lid even has a foldy spoon in it. Super handy.
So, I bought some unsweetened soymilk. My aunts spent all last night bitching about how horrible soymilk is and yick. But honestly, I couldn't really tell a difference between that and the semiskimmed/2% they usually buy for cereal. Although, I don't like milk anyway so it all tastes just as nonyummy to me I guess.
So I had:
Half a cup of Special K cereal = Around 60 kcals (I'm going off the guidelines for Red Berries, which is slightly more than the one I bought)
Around 100mls of unsweetened Soymilk = Around 29kcals (I'll need to check the carton and do exact calcs when I get home)
That was breakfast. Then for lunch I just had a fat-free vanilla yogurt for 100 calories.
Total so far? 189. Yay, under 200!
Last night for dinner I had a Weight Watcher's Shepherd's pie. And you know what, it was pretty damn good, and only 220 calories. Which is MUCH better than some of the frozen meals out there. I don't think I've got another at home so it'll either be a salmon-broccoli-wedge-melt (around 290?) or a Slimfast Shake (219). Depending on how I feel when I get home I might actually up the ante a little and just have another 100-kcal yogurt
So... That makes my max at under 500, which is live-with-able. But I'm going to aim for that Yogurt because having sub-300 would just feel amazing.
OH SNAP. I just remembered I picked up some 10-calorie soups! Ignore all of the above, I'm having 10-calorie soup for dinner.
Total: 199 Calories.
Fuck. Yes.
We can do this ladies. Fuck yes we can.
Vee xox
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