Excerpt from a Lunchtime Conversation

“I just took my rent money out, should we just go blow it on alcohol?”

”Hell yes we should!”

”I’ll be all ‘yeah I just took my drug money out and..’ bahahaha drug money?! What the fuck??”

“That’s what the money’s REALLY for isn’t it? The truth just SLIPS OUT THERE!”

”Nonono, ok seriously. So, I got mugged and they stole my drug money—GOD DAMNIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!”

“Hahahahaha”

”No ok seriously, I’m doing this yogurt diet with my aunt and the utter lack of solid food is playing games with my head.”

”Really? I couldn’t not eat. Aw bless, you’re so tired! Can’t you have like, a weight watcher’s meal or something? One meal a day?”

”My one meal a day is the SlimFast, haha.”

”Oh man, I couldn’t do that, if I were on FIRE and I was hungry, I’d have to get something to eat first and then sort out the damage from the flames later.”

”Hahah. Ok so ANYWAY, I’ll say I just took my drug money… AAGHHHHH!”

Random conversation. There’s a JM that I work with and he’s pretty epic. (He's also gorgeous and gay and skinny without even trying and I hate him just a little bit) We just had to go up to Tesco at lunch to get another girl/friend in our team at work a birthday present from our workmates. On the way back, the above conversation happened. And I almost died laughing. For whatever reason, I couldn’t say “rent money” and it kept coming out “drug money” about eight times. And I’ve never done drugs a day in my life, haha. So funny.

So, I’ve told a few friends about this yogurt diet I’m doing with my aunt. It’s funny, actually, because the “diet” itself is sanctioned by a surgeon, even though I’m only taking in between 200-500 calories a day (depending on whether I actually HAVE the slimfast, which I didn’t yesterday), it’s completely okay. My aunt actually suggested I do it with her. Yet earlier in the day she told me not to starve myself to lose weight.

Um, okay.

But yeah… it seems that, as long as something is said to be okay by some manner of medical professional, it’s totally alright and nobody will question that I’m eating nothing but two yogurts a day for days on end. I find that hypocritical, but on the other hand I’m glad about it.

Because right now I don’t actually have to HIDE how little I’m eating. I can be as open as I want to be and admit that I’m craving pineapple in a huge way but can’t have any. I can crack jokes when the girl next to me at work asks me to pass her the biscuit tin, knowing full well I won’t and can’t have a single one. I can be honest about how tired I am and that I’ve got a massive headache from low blood sugar.

But it’s encouraged by weight loss surgeons so it’s okay, don’t worry about me!

You know what though… the absolute BEST part about today (apart from the random 4lb weight loss, which I’m not completely expecting to stick because it’s likely 80% water weight) is that I’m not hungry at all. I’m craving random things, but I’m not giving in, and at least the things I’m craving are healthy things. But I don’t see the point in eating when I’m not hungry anyway, regardless of diets and eating disorders. I’m starving, but I don’t feel hunger. I have no hunger pains. The only negative thing I felt in the abdominal area was tummy ache from the milk products making my stomach upset, and even that’s subsided now.

I’ve had 97 calories and I’m not even hungry!

I am very thirsty though so I’ma go get a drink and get some work done.

Ridin’ the starvation high baby!