“I just took my rent money out, should we just go blow it on alcohol?”
”Hell yes we should!”
”I’ll be all ‘yeah I just took my drug money out and..’ bahahaha drug money?! What the fuck??”
“That’s what the money’s REALLY for isn’t it? The truth just SLIPS OUT THERE!”
”Nonono, ok seriously. So, I got mugged and they stole my drug money—GOD DAMNIT WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!”
“Hahahahaha”
”No ok seriously, I’m doing this yogurt diet with my aunt and the utter lack of solid food is playing games with my head.”
”Really? I couldn’t not eat. Aw bless, you’re so tired! Can’t you have like, a weight watcher’s meal or something? One meal a day?”
”My one meal a day is the SlimFast, haha.”
”Oh man, I couldn’t do that, if I were on FIRE and I was hungry, I’d have to get something to eat first and then sort out the damage from the flames later.”
”Hahah. Ok so ANYWAY, I’ll say I just took my drug money… AAGHHHHH!”
Random conversation. There’s a JM that I work with and he’s pretty epic. (He's also gorgeous and gay and skinny without even trying and I hate him just a little bit) We just had to go up to Tesco at lunch to get another girl/friend in our team at work a birthday present from our workmates. On the way back, the above conversation happened. And I almost died laughing. For whatever reason, I couldn’t say “rent money” and it kept coming out “drug money” about eight times. And I’ve never done drugs a day in my life, haha. So funny.
So, I’ve told a few friends about this yogurt diet I’m doing with my aunt. It’s funny, actually, because the “diet” itself is sanctioned by a surgeon, even though I’m only taking in between 200-500 calories a day (depending on whether I actually HAVE the slimfast, which I didn’t yesterday), it’s completely okay. My aunt actually suggested I do it with her. Yet earlier in the day she told me not to starve myself to lose weight.
Um, okay.
But yeah… it seems that, as long as something is said to be okay by some manner of medical professional, it’s totally alright and nobody will question that I’m eating nothing but two yogurts a day for days on end. I find that hypocritical, but on the other hand I’m glad about it.
Because right now I don’t actually have to HIDE how little I’m eating. I can be as open as I want to be and admit that I’m craving pineapple in a huge way but can’t have any. I can crack jokes when the girl next to me at work asks me to pass her the biscuit tin, knowing full well I won’t and can’t have a single one. I can be honest about how tired I am and that I’ve got a massive headache from low blood sugar.
But it’s encouraged by weight loss surgeons so it’s okay, don’t worry about me!
You know what though… the absolute BEST part about today (apart from the random 4lb weight loss, which I’m not completely expecting to stick because it’s likely 80% water weight) is that I’m not hungry at all. I’m craving random things, but I’m not giving in, and at least the things I’m craving are healthy things. But I don’t see the point in eating when I’m not hungry anyway, regardless of diets and eating disorders. I’m starving, but I don’t feel hunger. I have no hunger pains. The only negative thing I felt in the abdominal area was tummy ache from the milk products making my stomach upset, and even that’s subsided now.
I’ve had 97 calories and I’m not even hungry!
I am very thirsty though so I’ma go get a drink and get some work done.
Ridin’ the starvation high baby!
Showing posts with label diet plan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label diet plan. Show all posts
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Thursday, 18 March 2010
Action Plan
So I’ve got a new plan, to help get me into the swing of things.
I saw somebody mention a Staircase Diet somewhere. I can’t remember where for the life of me, but when I saw it, I thought it would be a good way to ease myself back into restricting, and the varying calories will be great for the metabolism. So I took the basic idea and turned it into a 40 day plan.
Basically it involves starting on 1300 calories and reducing your intake by 100 each day until you hit 0 – fast day – and then work your way back up again. The one that I saw was more varied on the “upswing” but I’ve modified it to make it easier to remember, if nothing else.
What I plan on doing is start on my 1300 today, work down, have a fast day, work back up, have a fast day, and then work back down to 100. This constitutes the 40 day plan. After this, I’ll have another fast day, and then start on the 2-4-6-8 diet. I haven’t yet incorporated any definite fast days into that yet, but I’ll modify the plan later. 2-4-6-8 will last until May 9th. May 10th and 11th I will fast, and 12th I have allocated myself 1000 calories. Because it’s my birthday and I’ll probably be going to lunch with my grandparents or my best friend. If I can fast for the two days before this, I’ll be able to have a “free pass” for my birthday without too much guilt. It should be fairly easy to fast during this time, because my aunts will be away in Spain for the two weeks around my birthday, so there’s nobody around to “keep and eye on me.”
After this, I’m not sure where to go, but for now I’m going to stick to this plan and hopefully it’ll give me the results I need.
I realize that 1300 calories is high, but I’m not aiming to eat exactly the number of calories allowed for each day, that’s just the upper cap. And because my eating has been so up and down and whatever for the past while, I’m allowing myself a decent variance to wade back in as it were.
SO there you have it! Here are the dates and totals all laid out for you =]
March 18th 1300
March 19th 1200
March 20th 1100
March 21st 1000
March 22nd 900
March 23rd 800
March 24th 700
March 25th 600
March 26th 500
March 27th 400
March 28th 300
March 29th 200
March 30th 100
March 31st 0
April 1st 100
April 2nd 200
April 3rd 300
April 4th 400
April 5th 500
April 6th 600
April 7th 700
April 8th 800
April 9th 900
April 10th 1000
April 11th 1100
April 12th 1200
April 13th 1300
April 14th 0
April 15th 1200
April 16th 1100
April 17th 1000
April 18th 900
April 19th 800
April 20th 700
April 21st 600
April 22nd 500
April 23rd 400
April 24th 300
April 25th 200
April 26th 100
April 27th 0
April 28th 200
April 29th 400
April 30th 600
May 1st 800
May 2nd 200
May 3rd 400
May 4th 600
May 5th 800
May 6th 200
May 7th 400
May 8th 600
May 9th 800
May 10th 0
May 11th 0
May 12th 1000
SO, that’s the plan as I see it, from today until my birthday. =] Some of the figures seem too lenient but I just keep reminding myself that it's a starting point to get me into 2468. I'll re-evaluate then.
There’s more drama with my father, but I’ll write about that later..
Until later, stay beautiful my darlings
I saw somebody mention a Staircase Diet somewhere. I can’t remember where for the life of me, but when I saw it, I thought it would be a good way to ease myself back into restricting, and the varying calories will be great for the metabolism. So I took the basic idea and turned it into a 40 day plan.
Basically it involves starting on 1300 calories and reducing your intake by 100 each day until you hit 0 – fast day – and then work your way back up again. The one that I saw was more varied on the “upswing” but I’ve modified it to make it easier to remember, if nothing else.
What I plan on doing is start on my 1300 today, work down, have a fast day, work back up, have a fast day, and then work back down to 100. This constitutes the 40 day plan. After this, I’ll have another fast day, and then start on the 2-4-6-8 diet. I haven’t yet incorporated any definite fast days into that yet, but I’ll modify the plan later. 2-4-6-8 will last until May 9th. May 10th and 11th I will fast, and 12th I have allocated myself 1000 calories. Because it’s my birthday and I’ll probably be going to lunch with my grandparents or my best friend. If I can fast for the two days before this, I’ll be able to have a “free pass” for my birthday without too much guilt. It should be fairly easy to fast during this time, because my aunts will be away in Spain for the two weeks around my birthday, so there’s nobody around to “keep and eye on me.”
After this, I’m not sure where to go, but for now I’m going to stick to this plan and hopefully it’ll give me the results I need.
I realize that 1300 calories is high, but I’m not aiming to eat exactly the number of calories allowed for each day, that’s just the upper cap. And because my eating has been so up and down and whatever for the past while, I’m allowing myself a decent variance to wade back in as it were.
SO there you have it! Here are the dates and totals all laid out for you =]
March 18th 1300
March 19th 1200
March 20th 1100
March 21st 1000
March 22nd 900
March 23rd 800
March 24th 700
March 25th 600
March 26th 500
March 27th 400
March 28th 300
March 29th 200
March 30th 100
March 31st 0
April 1st 100
April 2nd 200
April 3rd 300
April 4th 400
April 5th 500
April 6th 600
April 7th 700
April 8th 800
April 9th 900
April 10th 1000
April 11th 1100
April 12th 1200
April 13th 1300
April 14th 0
April 15th 1200
April 16th 1100
April 17th 1000
April 18th 900
April 19th 800
April 20th 700
April 21st 600
April 22nd 500
April 23rd 400
April 24th 300
April 25th 200
April 26th 100
April 27th 0
April 28th 200
April 29th 400
April 30th 600
May 1st 800
May 2nd 200
May 3rd 400
May 4th 600
May 5th 800
May 6th 200
May 7th 400
May 8th 600
May 9th 800
May 10th 0
May 11th 0
May 12th 1000
SO, that’s the plan as I see it, from today until my birthday. =] Some of the figures seem too lenient but I just keep reminding myself that it's a starting point to get me into 2468. I'll re-evaluate then.
There’s more drama with my father, but I’ll write about that later..
Until later, stay beautiful my darlings
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
A Quickie Before Bed
So, no weight change again today. Sigh. If this continues to happen next week when I'm back into ABC fully, I'm going to kick my own ass so hard...
Today wasn't too bad for food. I knew we were going out to eat again tonight so I didn't have anything to eat during the day at work. And the interesting thing is that I wasn't hungry either, nor was I craving food. My manager gave me a chocolate selection box that every member of staff got from the company, and I wasn't tempted at all to have one. In fact, the idea of eating chocolate makes me feel a little ill.
Thank the lord and His Noodly Appendages! R-amen!
Anyway. Dinner tonight I got a Cottage pie... It came with chips and veggies but I only have a few chips, no veggies (I hate cooked carrots unless they're cooked until they're almost mooshy, and I despiiiise peas unless they're raw from the pod). Didn't eat all of the cottage pie either. And no dessert. So huzzah!
I think I've decided on a course of action to make this a little less obvious to prying eyes. Maybe not right from the get-go but soon. My aunt's been talking about the milk-and-yogurt diet that she was on before she had her weight loss surgery, and how she might go back on it. Her surgeon told her that "normal people" can do that diet, but supplement the three pints of milk for Slim-fast shakes instead.
Now that's still around 1200 calories a day depending on the shake you get (I think they average around 300kcals each?) which is way too much for me. However, on the PRETENSE of being on this diet I can have nothing for breakfast or lunch at work and get away with publically eating a yogurt and part of a Slimfast shake instead, which is a fairly easy way to get only 250 calories in a day without looking TOO suspicious. The only problem is that it's only supposed to be done for a 10 day stretch and I think my aunt would have something to say about me continuing on this faux diet for longer than that. But if I do it for ten days here and there, she'll think I'm taking in more than I am, and since her surgeon and dietician TOLD HER it is an okay diet for people to follow, she can't have a go at me. In fact, I'm expressed an interest in giving it a try and she's been for it, saying she might do it too.
But my first plan of action is to do ABC. I might bash the two together and use the milk-and-yogurt diet as a way to hit the low calorie restrictions without looking too suspicious but ideally I'd like to be able to stick out the ABC period and then switch to the M.A.Y. diet afterward, which gives me a good two month plan.
Now obviously, I don't think any of us knows anyone who has managed to stick out ABC all the way through to the end, and though I am mostly a cynical realist, I'm trying to be optimistic here. My own negativity will not be my downfall, so rather than expecting to fail at some point in the next several weeks and being okay with that, I'm expecting myself to succeed as far as I possibly can. And I'll do my damndest to make it all the way.
Just think. 60 days of ABC/MAY could equal up to a 60lb weight loss! I mean again that's probably really over optimistic, but just imagine. I think if I managed to lose 60lbs in two months I'd have no motivation whatsoever to ever eat again.
As they say: nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
So, that's my plan of attack for the coming couple of months, taking me to the beginning of March.
Oh, I'm also drawing up a reward system (it goes to show you how my mind works, that rather than typing "reward" my fingers spelled out "retard" the first time and I had to go back and edit that). Rewards and positive reinforcement are good and help you to succeed. The problem is, most of what I want I already cave and buy anyway. Can we say £100+ a month on makeup? Sigh. But there are some things that I'm after that I haven't bought, so I'm going to make a list and stick to it.
Like, no more lipsticks until I've dropped 10lbs.
I'll go get my eyelashes tinted after I've dropped 20.
I've also been toying with the idea of getting false nails. I probably won't because I hate how they destroy your natural nails, and I've heard tales of your nails being RIDICULOUSLY painful once they're taken off because they're so thin and damaged. But damn, they look so nice, and I'm so fed up of how brittle my nails are. They keep peeling and breaking, and lately I've had three tear in a little at the side below the start of the nailbed, and I've had to be careful about trying to peel off the part that's trying to break off without tearing out half my nailbed.
Anyway I'm rambling off on completely unrelated tangents now.
I have another work-bitch but I'm tired and need to get to bed, so I'll write that one up tomorrow. Another Tale Of A Selfish Manager. Sigh.
Stay strong, skinnies!
Vee xox
Today wasn't too bad for food. I knew we were going out to eat again tonight so I didn't have anything to eat during the day at work. And the interesting thing is that I wasn't hungry either, nor was I craving food. My manager gave me a chocolate selection box that every member of staff got from the company, and I wasn't tempted at all to have one. In fact, the idea of eating chocolate makes me feel a little ill.
Thank the lord and His Noodly Appendages! R-amen!
Anyway. Dinner tonight I got a Cottage pie... It came with chips and veggies but I only have a few chips, no veggies (I hate cooked carrots unless they're cooked until they're almost mooshy, and I despiiiise peas unless they're raw from the pod). Didn't eat all of the cottage pie either. And no dessert. So huzzah!
I think I've decided on a course of action to make this a little less obvious to prying eyes. Maybe not right from the get-go but soon. My aunt's been talking about the milk-and-yogurt diet that she was on before she had her weight loss surgery, and how she might go back on it. Her surgeon told her that "normal people" can do that diet, but supplement the three pints of milk for Slim-fast shakes instead.
Now that's still around 1200 calories a day depending on the shake you get (I think they average around 300kcals each?) which is way too much for me. However, on the PRETENSE of being on this diet I can have nothing for breakfast or lunch at work and get away with publically eating a yogurt and part of a Slimfast shake instead, which is a fairly easy way to get only 250 calories in a day without looking TOO suspicious. The only problem is that it's only supposed to be done for a 10 day stretch and I think my aunt would have something to say about me continuing on this faux diet for longer than that. But if I do it for ten days here and there, she'll think I'm taking in more than I am, and since her surgeon and dietician TOLD HER it is an okay diet for people to follow, she can't have a go at me. In fact, I'm expressed an interest in giving it a try and she's been for it, saying she might do it too.
But my first plan of action is to do ABC. I might bash the two together and use the milk-and-yogurt diet as a way to hit the low calorie restrictions without looking too suspicious but ideally I'd like to be able to stick out the ABC period and then switch to the M.A.Y. diet afterward, which gives me a good two month plan.
Now obviously, I don't think any of us knows anyone who has managed to stick out ABC all the way through to the end, and though I am mostly a cynical realist, I'm trying to be optimistic here. My own negativity will not be my downfall, so rather than expecting to fail at some point in the next several weeks and being okay with that, I'm expecting myself to succeed as far as I possibly can. And I'll do my damndest to make it all the way.
Just think. 60 days of ABC/MAY could equal up to a 60lb weight loss! I mean again that's probably really over optimistic, but just imagine. I think if I managed to lose 60lbs in two months I'd have no motivation whatsoever to ever eat again.
As they say: nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
So, that's my plan of attack for the coming couple of months, taking me to the beginning of March.
Oh, I'm also drawing up a reward system (it goes to show you how my mind works, that rather than typing "reward" my fingers spelled out "retard" the first time and I had to go back and edit that). Rewards and positive reinforcement are good and help you to succeed. The problem is, most of what I want I already cave and buy anyway. Can we say £100+ a month on makeup? Sigh. But there are some things that I'm after that I haven't bought, so I'm going to make a list and stick to it.
Like, no more lipsticks until I've dropped 10lbs.
I'll go get my eyelashes tinted after I've dropped 20.
I've also been toying with the idea of getting false nails. I probably won't because I hate how they destroy your natural nails, and I've heard tales of your nails being RIDICULOUSLY painful once they're taken off because they're so thin and damaged. But damn, they look so nice, and I'm so fed up of how brittle my nails are. They keep peeling and breaking, and lately I've had three tear in a little at the side below the start of the nailbed, and I've had to be careful about trying to peel off the part that's trying to break off without tearing out half my nailbed.
Anyway I'm rambling off on completely unrelated tangents now.
I have another work-bitch but I'm tired and need to get to bed, so I'll write that one up tomorrow. Another Tale Of A Selfish Manager. Sigh.
Stay strong, skinnies!
Vee xox
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Planning!
Okay, babycakes!
Day one went alright. I went over but I don't think it was by much. I lost 0.2 since yesterday, I think I'm still retaining water weight from the massive alcohol-induced dehydration on the weekend. I feel bloated, which is different from fat. We'll see I guess. I haven't been drinking near enough water so it's possible my body is going "what the fuck dude" and retaining a lot of what I do drink so I don't pass out from lack of water? Can that even happen? I'm the one who fucking took Biology and Chem classes in high school instead of taking stupid-level-just-plain-science.
Something about seeking homeostasis. I eat a lot of salt and don't drink enough water. Ergo; I am bloated because of the salt and dehydrated due to lack of water in my actual body cells - because the salt in the bloodstream draws water out of the body cells to seek balance. Or maybe I have this backwards, maybe the sodium goes into the body cells and draws the water from the bloodstream into the body which would induce bloating, and also dehydration within the bloodstream.
The latter sounds more likely but I honestly can't remember if it works both ways around. I think it does. I need to do research because this is going to bother me now.
I'm such a fucking dork.
Anyway, this post is about planning!
I'm excited that Erika is doing ABC at the same time as me. Doing it with someone (ooh, naughty!) gives that little extra motivation! I was going to do this with my good friend K but she started while I was still pondering whether or not to do the plan again, so I'm a few days behind her. Erika and I both started yesterday though, so yay!
So. Today is day 2. Which means that it is a 500 calorie day.
Morning Weigh In: 203.6lbs *I want to note here that I weighed myself before bed last night and it read 202 even. Usually I'm 1-3lbs lighter in the morning, so clearly I'm fucked up right now*
Daily Calorie Cap: 500
Breakfast: Sausage Sandwich. My reasoning here is that I'm migraine-al and want something with a good amount of meat in it (protein) to try to beat it off. I think the headache could also be due to salt intake (I probably consume on a daily basis twice as much as is the recommended max for an adult =/) so I'm also going to buy a bottle of water and down it, and TRY to refill it and drink in total 3 bottles of water at work. I had to take home the water bottle I bought from Paperchase because the water from the drinks machine at work made it grow Algae. What. The. Shit?
Breakfast Calories: Approx 360. I'm overestimating with the meat a little bit because I don't know how much fat that shit is cooked in.
Lunch: Skip
Lunch Calories: 0
Dinner: Fat-Free Strawberry Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Daily Total Intake: 440
That's a number I'm comfortable with, only because it's under my cap for the day. I also feel like having the larger "meal" in the morning will help jumpstart my metabolism and give me longer to burn it off, instead of eating right before bedtime and going to sleep with food in my stomach.
The downside is that there are still hella boxes in my room and I can't get the damn treadmill out to use yet. Upside is that my aunt finally moved some boxes around in the spare room so we could set up my bookshelf last night so I can get my books unpacked, and a few other things that usually go on there (um yeah, I keep my hot rollers, my jewellery box, a bag of extra skincare stuff, my digital camera etc on the bottom shelf) AND I can finally move my computer into the spare room too, and unload another box of "Shit that goes on my desk" like blank CDs, some stationery and drawing pencils and notebooks, video games, magazines, etc etc.
That should get rid of the bigger box in my bedroom at least, the smaller one I can probably shove into the spare room - I can't unpack it until I get some kind of storage unit in place for my skincare and miscellaneous items. I own too much makeup/skincare / stationery.
I'm aiming to get all my books unpacked tonight at the very minimum, which should clear out about five half-filled boxes and two fully-filled boxes from the spare bedroom, which is a decent start!
Anyway, I've also planned out tomorrow, so I'll add that here too. I'll repost it tomorrow with my new weigh-in and that too.
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast: Special K with Soymilk
Breakfast Calories: 89
Lunch: Fat-Free Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner: Fat-Free Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Total: 289
I'm pretty sure there was something else I wanted to address here too, but I can't remember so it'll come later, if and when I can remember what I was.
Day one went alright. I went over but I don't think it was by much. I lost 0.2 since yesterday, I think I'm still retaining water weight from the massive alcohol-induced dehydration on the weekend. I feel bloated, which is different from fat. We'll see I guess. I haven't been drinking near enough water so it's possible my body is going "what the fuck dude" and retaining a lot of what I do drink so I don't pass out from lack of water? Can that even happen? I'm the one who fucking took Biology and Chem classes in high school instead of taking stupid-level-just-plain-science.
Something about seeking homeostasis. I eat a lot of salt and don't drink enough water. Ergo; I am bloated because of the salt and dehydrated due to lack of water in my actual body cells - because the salt in the bloodstream draws water out of the body cells to seek balance. Or maybe I have this backwards, maybe the sodium goes into the body cells and draws the water from the bloodstream into the body which would induce bloating, and also dehydration within the bloodstream.
The latter sounds more likely but I honestly can't remember if it works both ways around. I think it does. I need to do research because this is going to bother me now.
I'm such a fucking dork.
Anyway, this post is about planning!
I'm excited that Erika is doing ABC at the same time as me. Doing it with someone (ooh, naughty!) gives that little extra motivation! I was going to do this with my good friend K but she started while I was still pondering whether or not to do the plan again, so I'm a few days behind her. Erika and I both started yesterday though, so yay!
So. Today is day 2. Which means that it is a 500 calorie day.
Morning Weigh In: 203.6lbs *I want to note here that I weighed myself before bed last night and it read 202 even. Usually I'm 1-3lbs lighter in the morning, so clearly I'm fucked up right now*
Daily Calorie Cap: 500
Breakfast: Sausage Sandwich. My reasoning here is that I'm migraine-al and want something with a good amount of meat in it (protein) to try to beat it off. I think the headache could also be due to salt intake (I probably consume on a daily basis twice as much as is the recommended max for an adult =/) so I'm also going to buy a bottle of water and down it, and TRY to refill it and drink in total 3 bottles of water at work. I had to take home the water bottle I bought from Paperchase because the water from the drinks machine at work made it grow Algae. What. The. Shit?
Breakfast Calories: Approx 360. I'm overestimating with the meat a little bit because I don't know how much fat that shit is cooked in.
Lunch: Skip
Lunch Calories: 0
Dinner: Fat-Free Strawberry Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Daily Total Intake: 440
That's a number I'm comfortable with, only because it's under my cap for the day. I also feel like having the larger "meal" in the morning will help jumpstart my metabolism and give me longer to burn it off, instead of eating right before bedtime and going to sleep with food in my stomach.
The downside is that there are still hella boxes in my room and I can't get the damn treadmill out to use yet. Upside is that my aunt finally moved some boxes around in the spare room so we could set up my bookshelf last night so I can get my books unpacked, and a few other things that usually go on there (um yeah, I keep my hot rollers, my jewellery box, a bag of extra skincare stuff, my digital camera etc on the bottom shelf) AND I can finally move my computer into the spare room too, and unload another box of "Shit that goes on my desk" like blank CDs, some stationery and drawing pencils and notebooks, video games, magazines, etc etc.
That should get rid of the bigger box in my bedroom at least, the smaller one I can probably shove into the spare room - I can't unpack it until I get some kind of storage unit in place for my skincare and miscellaneous items. I own too much makeup/skincare / stationery.
I'm aiming to get all my books unpacked tonight at the very minimum, which should clear out about five half-filled boxes and two fully-filled boxes from the spare bedroom, which is a decent start!
Anyway, I've also planned out tomorrow, so I'll add that here too. I'll repost it tomorrow with my new weigh-in and that too.
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast: Special K with Soymilk
Breakfast Calories: 89
Lunch: Fat-Free Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner: Fat-Free Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Total: 289
I'm pretty sure there was something else I wanted to address here too, but I can't remember so it'll come later, if and when I can remember what I was.
Monday, 15 June 2009
Day One
So I've decided to take the plunge and do ABC again. Looking back at the daily calorie caps, I have no idea why I was so stressed and thinking they were too low before. I honestly remember them being a lot lower, what the hell? I guess it just shows how you get pulled further and further down into this mindset.
So, day one is 500 calories. Seems a bit high but whatever. What I'm going to do is switch out today for Friday so I have 500 calories to spend at the Hard Rock, and 100 is my cap for today. Which means, my 10 calorie soup only day is still on.
Give a little, take a little.
So today is going to be a 100-Calorie-Max Day One instead.
I had some decent success last time around - when I managed to stick to it, that is. 9lbs in the first week I think? I'll have to look back at my older posts to see, but it was something like that.
Wish me luck!
Vee xox
So, day one is 500 calories. Seems a bit high but whatever. What I'm going to do is switch out today for Friday so I have 500 calories to spend at the Hard Rock, and 100 is my cap for today. Which means, my 10 calorie soup only day is still on.
Give a little, take a little.
So today is going to be a 100-Calorie-Max Day One instead.
I had some decent success last time around - when I managed to stick to it, that is. 9lbs in the first week I think? I'll have to look back at my older posts to see, but it was something like that.
Wish me luck!
Vee xox
Thursday, 26 February 2009
A rare good day
Yes, after days and days of feeling like an absolute bag of shit, today is a thankfully good day.
First, I went to bed last night at 9pm. Yeah. I've been so drained lately and with my insomnia rearing it's ugly head with more force than usual, I've been trying to get to bed super early. My reasoning was "the more time spent in bed, the more oppourtunity I have to get a total of a few hours' sleep over the course of the night". For the most part, this has been a total bust. But last night it seemed to work.
I also got to stay in bed an extra hour this morning whoo! Eleven hours in bed sounds like a lot, but I probably slept five or so. And I woke up with a headache, but this is still the best I have felt in a while. I immediately went to weigh myself. The bad news is, I haven't lost. The good news is, even though I probably had too much humous last night, I didn't gain either. I'm exactly the same today as I was yesterday, down to the tenth-of-a-pound. So I can't really complain.
Getting ready for work was leisurely to a degree, or at the very least, wasn't rushed. Normally I'm rushing around to be ready to walk out the door at exactly 7:30 in the morning, but since I wasn't keeping to someone else's schedule today, it wasn't so frantic.
Back in January, I bought a top online. A white and red gingham bodice type top, with a halter neck, made from a fitted, boned vintage 1950s pattern. When it came, I tried it on, and physically couldn't do it up. I had to get my aunt to yank up the zipper, and it just was not happening. We finally got it closed but it was super tight and looked horrendous.
Well, on a whim I got it out this morning and managed to get it zipped up with no problems! It's still a little tight near the bottom around the upper hip area, but it fits aside from that and looks great. I just put a thin white hoodie on over the top and zipped it up halfway to cover the very bottom bit. It looks fabulous. I'm even going braless with it on, even though I have those kind of breasts that should never, ever, go anywhere but bed and the shower without some manner of underwire (I'm naturally top-heavy, and these puppies are not the perkiest in the land, unfortunately. I've thought long and hard about a breast lift, but... I can't even afford a £450 deposit on my own apartment, there's no way I can afford cosmetic surgery).
Anyway, I feel gorgeous today. This top, because it's fitted and boned, accentuates my waist and makes it look smaller, which is awesome. I'm still huge, but I feel pretty, and not as horrendous as I usuallydo. Which is, to quote Martha Stewart, a good thing.
I've been really productive today too, considering I'm only working 6.25 hours today as opposed to the 8.5+ I usually work. Already I've compiled two full sets of complicated training notes and sent out two other pieces of work I had to do for another team. I've got another one or two sets of training notes to do, plus about four or five letters to write and send out for the other team. And even though I'm leaving in three and a half hours, I'm confident it'll get done. Whoo, this is awesome. Also, the training notes I've written are very easy to understand and awesome. The notes we usually get from the training team are usually HORRIBLE COMPLICATED and make the easiest work look like rocket science. So I wrote my own instead and I'm very damn pleased with myself.
Today is a 100 day, and my food plan is to have some stock "soup" and a pot of 10cal sugarfree jello. Mmm. I felt kind of faint and out of it this morning, which is a good thing. I love this feeling. Right now I've got a tonn of energy, though. I can't sit still. Yay, extra calorie expenditure!
Also, I tried a new green tea - with jasmine as opposed to "just" green tea on its own. And I love it. It's got a slightly different taste and seems much sweeter to me. I love it. You should try it.
First, I went to bed last night at 9pm. Yeah. I've been so drained lately and with my insomnia rearing it's ugly head with more force than usual, I've been trying to get to bed super early. My reasoning was "the more time spent in bed, the more oppourtunity I have to get a total of a few hours' sleep over the course of the night". For the most part, this has been a total bust. But last night it seemed to work.
I also got to stay in bed an extra hour this morning whoo! Eleven hours in bed sounds like a lot, but I probably slept five or so. And I woke up with a headache, but this is still the best I have felt in a while. I immediately went to weigh myself. The bad news is, I haven't lost. The good news is, even though I probably had too much humous last night, I didn't gain either. I'm exactly the same today as I was yesterday, down to the tenth-of-a-pound. So I can't really complain.
Getting ready for work was leisurely to a degree, or at the very least, wasn't rushed. Normally I'm rushing around to be ready to walk out the door at exactly 7:30 in the morning, but since I wasn't keeping to someone else's schedule today, it wasn't so frantic.
Back in January, I bought a top online. A white and red gingham bodice type top, with a halter neck, made from a fitted, boned vintage 1950s pattern. When it came, I tried it on, and physically couldn't do it up. I had to get my aunt to yank up the zipper, and it just was not happening. We finally got it closed but it was super tight and looked horrendous.
Well, on a whim I got it out this morning and managed to get it zipped up with no problems! It's still a little tight near the bottom around the upper hip area, but it fits aside from that and looks great. I just put a thin white hoodie on over the top and zipped it up halfway to cover the very bottom bit. It looks fabulous. I'm even going braless with it on, even though I have those kind of breasts that should never, ever, go anywhere but bed and the shower without some manner of underwire (I'm naturally top-heavy, and these puppies are not the perkiest in the land, unfortunately. I've thought long and hard about a breast lift, but... I can't even afford a £450 deposit on my own apartment, there's no way I can afford cosmetic surgery).
Anyway, I feel gorgeous today. This top, because it's fitted and boned, accentuates my waist and makes it look smaller, which is awesome. I'm still huge, but I feel pretty, and not as horrendous as I usuallydo. Which is, to quote Martha Stewart, a good thing.
I've been really productive today too, considering I'm only working 6.25 hours today as opposed to the 8.5+ I usually work. Already I've compiled two full sets of complicated training notes and sent out two other pieces of work I had to do for another team. I've got another one or two sets of training notes to do, plus about four or five letters to write and send out for the other team. And even though I'm leaving in three and a half hours, I'm confident it'll get done. Whoo, this is awesome. Also, the training notes I've written are very easy to understand and awesome. The notes we usually get from the training team are usually HORRIBLE COMPLICATED and make the easiest work look like rocket science. So I wrote my own instead and I'm very damn pleased with myself.
Today is a 100 day, and my food plan is to have some stock "soup" and a pot of 10cal sugarfree jello. Mmm. I felt kind of faint and out of it this morning, which is a good thing. I love this feeling. Right now I've got a tonn of energy, though. I can't sit still. Yay, extra calorie expenditure!
Also, I tried a new green tea - with jasmine as opposed to "just" green tea on its own. And I love it. It's got a slightly different taste and seems much sweeter to me. I love it. You should try it.
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
So far so good
After whining and bitching this morning, I have to update to say that so far things are going okay. I've eaten exactly nothing, and have had one cup of strawberry tea and half a cup of water. Which means that this headache I'm getting is likely the result of dehydration, which doesn't surprise me. I'm so crap at trying to keep my body hydrated. The water cooler at work gives me heartburn for some reason, so I usually wind up avoiding it without realizing that I'm even doing it. I'll need to start filling my water bottle and keeping it on my desk and aiming to down the whole thing. As it is right now I just wind up with a million cups of water, that are ignored once they get warm. I don't aim for anything. But if I aim to drink my adorable water bottle full of water at least twice a day, I'll probably be in a much better position. I mean, to be perfectly honest, dehydration could be one reason I've been feeling so shitty and tired lately too. Well, moreso than usual I mean =P
Ugh. I hate the sound that my nylon-blend trousers make when I walk and my thighs rub together. It makes me want to walk bow-legged just so I - and other people! - don't have to hear it.
And I'm getting swiftly fed up with my Urban Decay eyeshadows. The glitter in that shit just gets every-fucking-where. My gold and reddish-brown and bright green are amazing and I love them (I don't have them here I don't know colours) but I've got some purple and pink on today and both are glitter, and now I have glitter all the fuck over my face.
I was going to write about how I wasn't in such a bad mood today, despite a rocky start. About how, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror just now when I walked into the toilet, and how my hair looks amazing and while I'm still a huge lard, at least I'm pretty. But then I looked closer. And quickly changed my mind. I look like the walking dead, even with makeup. My dark circles from not sleeping are peering through my concealer and foundation. I just look... drained and sallow and horrible. Sigh. At least I have nice fingernails. That's about the only self-compliment I can come up with right now. And I'm trying to positively reinforce myself. And it just isn't working.
Whatever.
In spite of not eating, my stomach didn't start telling me it was hungry until maybe twenty minutes ago - 2 in the afternoon. Which is good and bad. Good because, if I'm not hungry, there's no reason at all for me to be eating in the morning to begin with. Bad because, my body isn't going to devour my fat reserves if it isn't hungry in the first place.
All that said, I'm actually NOT in as horrible a mood today as I was yesterday. I'm still totally fucking exhausted, and I'm still feeling pretty antisocial. But I'm not QUITE as pissed off with everyone as I was. Even though I look like hell =]
Going "grocery" shopping tonight after work. I need to figure out what I need to buy. Maybe some raw veggies to have with a low-cal dip of some description. I don't know. I always buy fruit and then wind up realizing "There are too many calories in this banana and if I eat it I can't have XYZ later, so I'm going to skip the banana and have XYZ when I get home instead" and the fruit winds up going off. I need to stop doing that. I need to start planning ahead.
Tomorrow will be a 200 day. I'm going to have an apple (55) for "breakfast" and maybe a banana (104) for lunch, which leaves me with a small salad for dinner after work.
OR something. I'm so horrible at planning, I doubt any of the above will actually transpire.
The past few days I've been craving Oriental food. All weekend and yesterday it was rice. I almost went home last night to make sushi rice in my rice cooker when I got home, just to devour on its own. But then I thought twice and decided that there was no way I could figure out how to get 100 calories of rice.
Today it's Ramen. I was online looking at a Japanese store that sells the brand of Ramen I used to love and adore in Canada. My favourite brand of ramen ever. I was going to buy some but then I thought... one package of Sapporo Ichiban ramen soup contains around 400 calories. Which means I could have it two days of the week (Saturday is 400, Sunday is 500), but it would have to be the only thing I ate. Which is okay, but it depends on whether I have the discipline. Sigh, I don't know, I'll probably buy some and keep it in reserve. I think I have a package at home still, but I'm not going to touch it until the weekend. I am NOT fucking this up. Especially not after gaining a pound and a half after Day One.
Oh god, that reminds me, I think I'm supposed to be going to a Chinese Buffet on Monday with my aunts and a load of friends. Dude might be there too, I don't know. Interestingly enough, I haven't heard from him since Saturday morning. Our friends tried to invite him to their place when we went over on Saturday night but he didn't answer his phone. Hm.
Anyway, I need to finish two more hours of work, and then I can go HOME!
Love you,
Vee xxxx
Ugh. I hate the sound that my nylon-blend trousers make when I walk and my thighs rub together. It makes me want to walk bow-legged just so I - and other people! - don't have to hear it.
And I'm getting swiftly fed up with my Urban Decay eyeshadows. The glitter in that shit just gets every-fucking-where. My gold and reddish-brown and bright green are amazing and I love them (I don't have them here I don't know colours) but I've got some purple and pink on today and both are glitter, and now I have glitter all the fuck over my face.
I was going to write about how I wasn't in such a bad mood today, despite a rocky start. About how, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror just now when I walked into the toilet, and how my hair looks amazing and while I'm still a huge lard, at least I'm pretty. But then I looked closer. And quickly changed my mind. I look like the walking dead, even with makeup. My dark circles from not sleeping are peering through my concealer and foundation. I just look... drained and sallow and horrible. Sigh. At least I have nice fingernails. That's about the only self-compliment I can come up with right now. And I'm trying to positively reinforce myself. And it just isn't working.
Whatever.
In spite of not eating, my stomach didn't start telling me it was hungry until maybe twenty minutes ago - 2 in the afternoon. Which is good and bad. Good because, if I'm not hungry, there's no reason at all for me to be eating in the morning to begin with. Bad because, my body isn't going to devour my fat reserves if it isn't hungry in the first place.
All that said, I'm actually NOT in as horrible a mood today as I was yesterday. I'm still totally fucking exhausted, and I'm still feeling pretty antisocial. But I'm not QUITE as pissed off with everyone as I was. Even though I look like hell =]
Going "grocery" shopping tonight after work. I need to figure out what I need to buy. Maybe some raw veggies to have with a low-cal dip of some description. I don't know. I always buy fruit and then wind up realizing "There are too many calories in this banana and if I eat it I can't have XYZ later, so I'm going to skip the banana and have XYZ when I get home instead" and the fruit winds up going off. I need to stop doing that. I need to start planning ahead.
Tomorrow will be a 200 day. I'm going to have an apple (55) for "breakfast" and maybe a banana (104) for lunch, which leaves me with a small salad for dinner after work.
OR something. I'm so horrible at planning, I doubt any of the above will actually transpire.
The past few days I've been craving Oriental food. All weekend and yesterday it was rice. I almost went home last night to make sushi rice in my rice cooker when I got home, just to devour on its own. But then I thought twice and decided that there was no way I could figure out how to get 100 calories of rice.
Today it's Ramen. I was online looking at a Japanese store that sells the brand of Ramen I used to love and adore in Canada. My favourite brand of ramen ever. I was going to buy some but then I thought... one package of Sapporo Ichiban ramen soup contains around 400 calories. Which means I could have it two days of the week (Saturday is 400, Sunday is 500), but it would have to be the only thing I ate. Which is okay, but it depends on whether I have the discipline. Sigh, I don't know, I'll probably buy some and keep it in reserve. I think I have a package at home still, but I'm not going to touch it until the weekend. I am NOT fucking this up. Especially not after gaining a pound and a half after Day One.
Oh god, that reminds me, I think I'm supposed to be going to a Chinese Buffet on Monday with my aunts and a load of friends. Dude might be there too, I don't know. Interestingly enough, I haven't heard from him since Saturday morning. Our friends tried to invite him to their place when we went over on Saturday night but he didn't answer his phone. Hm.
Anyway, I need to finish two more hours of work, and then I can go HOME!
Love you,
Vee xxxx
Mourning the tragic passing of My Metabolism
Sorry for the short, vague post about two hours ago. I was just getting ready to leave for work and I was super pissed and had to say something.
Why am I fucked off?
Well, aside from generically STILL being irritated by everything and everyone around me, and the fact that I went to bed at TEN last night and still didn't sleep, and that I woke up thinking it was Wednesday, only to be told that HAH, no, it is only Tuesday bitch, four more days of work to go!
I have gained 1.6lbs since yesterday.
Yesterday was a 300 day and I went over ever so slightly, but by barely anything. And I GAINED A POUND AND A HALF.
How the fuck is that even physically possible?!
Today is a 100 day, but I'll be damned if a single piece of food is passing my lips today. Of course, it would be Pancake Day here in the UK, and I'm praying that my aunts don't realize, that I don't walk in the door to fresh pancakes with the syrup she imported from Canada. Ugh.
There are no words to adequately express just how I feel right now.
Why am I fucked off?
Well, aside from generically STILL being irritated by everything and everyone around me, and the fact that I went to bed at TEN last night and still didn't sleep, and that I woke up thinking it was Wednesday, only to be told that HAH, no, it is only Tuesday bitch, four more days of work to go!
I have gained 1.6lbs since yesterday.
Yesterday was a 300 day and I went over ever so slightly, but by barely anything. And I GAINED A POUND AND A HALF.
How the fuck is that even physically possible?!
Today is a 100 day, but I'll be damned if a single piece of food is passing my lips today. Of course, it would be Pancake Day here in the UK, and I'm praying that my aunts don't realize, that I don't walk in the door to fresh pancakes with the syrup she imported from Canada. Ugh.
There are no words to adequately express just how I feel right now.
Monday, 23 February 2009
Day One of The Patented VK Diet Plan
...It doesn't have a name, but V and K are our first initials and it's kind of funny because VK is a yummy alcoholic beverage.
Okay, maybe not all that funny but whatever.
Today marks the first day of the plan. I kind of had a weekend “off”. Friday night we had my wonderful pasta, as I think I’ve written about before. Saturday night we were invited to a friend’s house for takeout, so I had chips and some donner meat. Yesterday my aunts decided we were going to McDonald’s. Yeah. I told them I didn’t want to and got in response “You’ve been off the diet this weekend anyway, you’re going back on it tomorrow anyway, so you might as well have this” etc etc etc. They wouldn’t lay off and take no for an answer. So I ate, and I wasn’t happy about it.
When I got home, I felt sick. And I have to admit, I purged. I think it’s the first and only time I’ve done so successfully. Those who know me, know that I hate purging. Other people can do what suits them, but for me personally, it’s really not my thing. I detest it. Not least of all because of the pain and suffering I’m going through with braces, and I do not want to fuck it up by destroying my teeth with stomach acid. I think I even have some kind of mental block against it, because I physically can’t do it. Ughghh. Anyway. Yesterday was necessary though, and if I’m totally honest, I felt supremely nauseous anyway. McDonald’s sometimes does this to me… the greasy food has an adverse effect on my stomach. So yes, I was violently sick when I got home. And it felt horrible.
Honestly, I don’t know how you mia girls do it. Whenever I’m sick, I always feel totally horrible for the next day or two. It makes me feel physically sicker, gives me a headache, and messes up my throat. That’s one reason I don’t drink very often… I can’t deal with the hangovers haha. Clearly, you’re all far more determined and stronger than me. Which is why I’m sticking to my weekly plan instead. I can see how BPing can be really attractive to some people, but I’m really just not cut out for it.
That aside, the weekend never lasts anywhere near long enough, sigh.
I’ll write more to update later, but I’m at work and really need to get something done before I spend the rest of the day writing here =]
Okay, maybe not all that funny but whatever.
Today marks the first day of the plan. I kind of had a weekend “off”. Friday night we had my wonderful pasta, as I think I’ve written about before. Saturday night we were invited to a friend’s house for takeout, so I had chips and some donner meat. Yesterday my aunts decided we were going to McDonald’s. Yeah. I told them I didn’t want to and got in response “You’ve been off the diet this weekend anyway, you’re going back on it tomorrow anyway, so you might as well have this” etc etc etc. They wouldn’t lay off and take no for an answer. So I ate, and I wasn’t happy about it.
When I got home, I felt sick. And I have to admit, I purged. I think it’s the first and only time I’ve done so successfully. Those who know me, know that I hate purging. Other people can do what suits them, but for me personally, it’s really not my thing. I detest it. Not least of all because of the pain and suffering I’m going through with braces, and I do not want to fuck it up by destroying my teeth with stomach acid. I think I even have some kind of mental block against it, because I physically can’t do it. Ughghh. Anyway. Yesterday was necessary though, and if I’m totally honest, I felt supremely nauseous anyway. McDonald’s sometimes does this to me… the greasy food has an adverse effect on my stomach. So yes, I was violently sick when I got home. And it felt horrible.
Honestly, I don’t know how you mia girls do it. Whenever I’m sick, I always feel totally horrible for the next day or two. It makes me feel physically sicker, gives me a headache, and messes up my throat. That’s one reason I don’t drink very often… I can’t deal with the hangovers haha. Clearly, you’re all far more determined and stronger than me. Which is why I’m sticking to my weekly plan instead. I can see how BPing can be really attractive to some people, but I’m really just not cut out for it.
That aside, the weekend never lasts anywhere near long enough, sigh.
I’ll write more to update later, but I’m at work and really need to get something done before I spend the rest of the day writing here =]
Friday, 20 February 2009
A Pleasant Surprise, and an Unpleasant One
I lost track of what day I was on, and I'm too lazy to count, and it seemed like too much effort to go back to see what the number was on my last blog entry. I'm tempted to say today should be 037, but I'm not entirely sure. Yes, that is just how apathetic I am feeling right now.
That's not to say it's a negative feeling, I'm just very indifferent right now.
Yesterday I was starving and I cheated, and then told myself it doesn't count as cheating because I'm not doing ABC anymore. Which is all well and good in theory, but my ABC day yesterday would have been 350 calories. On the new plan, Thursdays are 100 calorie days. So no matter how I look at it, I cheated. And I lost just under half a pound so I'm okay with that. I went over by eating two handfulls of chocolate covered raisins, and a bag of Special K Mini Breaks. I woke up and weighed myself and the number was 188.0lbs. However, I forgot that I was 188.4 yesterday, so I thought I was only down 0.2lbs, but when I got to work and went to log it in my food-diary and my normal diary, I was pleasantly surprised to learn I had lost 0.4lbs instead. Yay!
Last night I spent an hour and a half trying to curl my hair using my flatiron. If you knew what my hair was like, you would laugh right now. Ok go ahead, I'll wait. To put this in perspective, my hair is mid-back-length, but also very THICK. And in its natural state it is so frizzy that I would not be insulted if someone described it as "tumbleweed-esque". It takes me anywhere over 45 minutes to dry and straighten my hair. To add insult to injury, after drying (but not straightening thank god) last night, I decided to try to curl it.
WHY I decided to do this, I have no frigging clue. Clearly, I am deranged. I didn't use any hair product, so it was kind of frizzy, but the end result looked pretty good, if I say so myself. I was getting really frustrated though because certain sections refused to curl and it took forever to make them OBEY GOD DAMN IT.
Then I realized... wait. Now, I have to go to bed. And when I wake up, I am going to just look like a fuzzy headed freakmonster. Shit. I doused it in hairspray... which wasn't really "hairspray" it was GHD's Creation Spray which is supposed to be used WITH the flatiron, to keep the style, not AFTER the flatiron, after you realize you're a retard who really needs to invest as much money in hair products as she does in makeup and shoes and skincare.
I had a nightmare that woke me up last night and had be convinced there was something watching me from the shadows in my room. But that's not out of the ordinary, since I'm the biggest wuss in the world, AND I'm afraid of the dark. Eventually I fell back to sleep, though I woke up lots and kept changing position. When I woke up, the hair was... kind of a messy wave. But thankfully, not much frizz, hoorah! I put a little hair slide in one side to hide where the curl had just gone insane and was trying to blind me with the pokey ends of my hair. Voila, nice look.
I'm also wearing less makeup today than usual, and I'm actually feeling pretty good ("less makeup" is kind of subjective. I still have Hanskin BB Cream concealer and tinted-moisturizer-foundation on, plus a little blush, gloss, liquid liner on top, and mascara. But usually I also wear 2-4 shades of eyeshadow plus eye kohl for good measure. But I digress). My jeans and work trousers are feeling a little looser. The top I wore yesterday, I haven't worn since just before I started this journey, 13.4lbs ago. Then, it looked horrible, it was tight. But I wore it yesterday and it actually fit and didn't look or feel like I'd forced myself into it. My waist is trying to make an appearance in the show. These are good things. So, I'm feeling positive.
I'm so rambley today. Back on topic prease!
At work, there is a huge move-around going on. Basically a bunch of extra managers and second-in-command type people have been tossed, and the powers that be are reorganizing all the remaining staff into new teams, so that skills are distributed into the areas of a persons expertise. The team I'm in now... I like it, I like the people, and it's the easiest shit you ever did hear about. But since October, I've been working six and a half hours of my working day for another team, doing their work. I figured all along that I would be moved from "my" team into this other team. Which, predictably, I found out today. So I guess I can't say it's an unpleasant SURPRISE per se, but it wasn't a happy moment. My manager asked me how I felt about it, and I just told her I saw it coming so I was prepared for the news anyway.
Today's been very up and down. I started off feeling exhausted, and then perked up for most of the day. Right now though, my sinuses are starting to hurt and my neck feels stiff from staring at the computer since eight thirty this morning. I'm leaving in 22 minutes, and I really can't wait. Freedom! This place does something to you. All day yesterday, I felt horrible. I felt like I was getting a ridiculously bad flu. My entire throat and neck felt swollen to the extent that it felt like I'd swallowed an (American) football and it had lodged itself sideways in my throat. I had an earache so bad the entire right side of my face hurt and I couldn't find a position that my jaw could be held in to not aggravate the pain further. My head was pounding, my sinuses were feeling both dry and painful. I had a headache. I felt really nauesous at one point.
I know some people who don't "get it" will jump on the "It's because you're restricting you dumb bitch, this is your body paying you back HAH!" bandwagon, but unfortunately, you stupid whorebags, that's not the case. So hah right back at you!
See, as SOON as I stepped outside, all of this went away. I walked to the bus stop with my friend, waited, got on the bus, then walked home from my stop, and I felt absolutely fine! I think maybe it has something to do with the quality of the recycled air in the building or something. Or it might be a psychological subconscious reaction to the fact that I HATE this place with a passion and would really love to raze it to the ground while dancing naked around the fire and chanting curses upon the directors of the company.
If any blog statement will ever get me fired if my boss finds it, it'll be that one.
So anyway. I think a similar thing is happening today. I don't feel as horrible, just a little headache and neck ache really, and I'm pretty sure that once I step outside into the fresh air, I'll feel fine.
I'm making my famous pasta dish tonight. I say famous, but I'm the only one who has ever had it before, and even then was only once and I fucked up and put way too much olive oil in the sauce, but shut up and let my delusions of grandeur live on for another five minutes ok?
Ok.
I'm over it now.
I can't for the life of me remember what I wrote when I blogged last night about The New Weekly Calorie Plan, so this might be reiterating something you've already read, and if it is I apologise. But my aunts have now both officially had letters of acceptance for Gastric Bypass surgery. They're both going (along with their best friend who was referred a month earlier) to the same information session at the beginning of March. Basically it's a group consult with a doctor who will explain the procedure and give information on what to do beforehand (like apparently they have to go on an all-yogurt diet for two weeks before the date of the surgery) and required aftercare, and answer any questions. That kind of thing. Actual surgery dates will be scheduled after this session. So, the pasta evening has become one of celebration. For them because they're getting the life-altering surgery that is, in effect, just forcing them to follow the path I'm on right now. For me, it's a celebration because soon there won't be so much SHIT in the house. No food to tempt me. No more making big group meals that I have to partake in because they spent SO MUCH TIME cooking it. Yay!
Also, I honestly don't think they would have any right to say anything about my eating habits, if they're just forcing it upon themselves with surgery. They may not be disordered in the way that I am, but essentially gastric bypass surgery is enforced self-starvation to lose weight, in my mind anyway. They lack the willpower to do it on their own, so they're getting a doctor to go in and make their stomach so small that they physically will not be able to eat a normal amount of food ever again. As I said before: I will succeed where they have failed. If they had the will power in the first place, they wouldn't be doing this to themselves.
I mention this because on Wednesday night, my aunt turned to me and asked me what I ate for dinner, obviously because she noticed I didn't have anything when I came home. Like, what business is it of yours? You're stuffing yourself constantly, I don't tell her "hey you shouldn't eat that because if you didn't eat it, you would lose weight anyway and you wouldn't have to go through barbaric surgery." And she's forcing starvation upon herself, so she has no RIGHT to say ANYthing about what I do or do not eat. Anyway, I lied and told her I had subway for dinner. Which was a half-lie, I guess, since I did have a 350-calorie sub for lunch.
But again, I'm digressing. It's almost 4 now so I'm going to get ready to go home and get some basil for my pasta. I'll probably post more later, and I promise to try to make it slightly less rantey.
Love you, ladies.
Vee xxxx
That's not to say it's a negative feeling, I'm just very indifferent right now.
Yesterday I was starving and I cheated, and then told myself it doesn't count as cheating because I'm not doing ABC anymore. Which is all well and good in theory, but my ABC day yesterday would have been 350 calories. On the new plan, Thursdays are 100 calorie days. So no matter how I look at it, I cheated. And I lost just under half a pound so I'm okay with that. I went over by eating two handfulls of chocolate covered raisins, and a bag of Special K Mini Breaks. I woke up and weighed myself and the number was 188.0lbs. However, I forgot that I was 188.4 yesterday, so I thought I was only down 0.2lbs, but when I got to work and went to log it in my food-diary and my normal diary, I was pleasantly surprised to learn I had lost 0.4lbs instead. Yay!
Last night I spent an hour and a half trying to curl my hair using my flatiron. If you knew what my hair was like, you would laugh right now. Ok go ahead, I'll wait. To put this in perspective, my hair is mid-back-length, but also very THICK. And in its natural state it is so frizzy that I would not be insulted if someone described it as "tumbleweed-esque". It takes me anywhere over 45 minutes to dry and straighten my hair. To add insult to injury, after drying (but not straightening thank god) last night, I decided to try to curl it.
WHY I decided to do this, I have no frigging clue. Clearly, I am deranged. I didn't use any hair product, so it was kind of frizzy, but the end result looked pretty good, if I say so myself. I was getting really frustrated though because certain sections refused to curl and it took forever to make them OBEY GOD DAMN IT.
Then I realized... wait. Now, I have to go to bed. And when I wake up, I am going to just look like a fuzzy headed freakmonster. Shit. I doused it in hairspray... which wasn't really "hairspray" it was GHD's Creation Spray which is supposed to be used WITH the flatiron, to keep the style, not AFTER the flatiron, after you realize you're a retard who really needs to invest as much money in hair products as she does in makeup and shoes and skincare.
I had a nightmare that woke me up last night and had be convinced there was something watching me from the shadows in my room. But that's not out of the ordinary, since I'm the biggest wuss in the world, AND I'm afraid of the dark. Eventually I fell back to sleep, though I woke up lots and kept changing position. When I woke up, the hair was... kind of a messy wave. But thankfully, not much frizz, hoorah! I put a little hair slide in one side to hide where the curl had just gone insane and was trying to blind me with the pokey ends of my hair. Voila, nice look.
I'm also wearing less makeup today than usual, and I'm actually feeling pretty good ("less makeup" is kind of subjective. I still have Hanskin BB Cream concealer and tinted-moisturizer-foundation on, plus a little blush, gloss, liquid liner on top, and mascara. But usually I also wear 2-4 shades of eyeshadow plus eye kohl for good measure. But I digress). My jeans and work trousers are feeling a little looser. The top I wore yesterday, I haven't worn since just before I started this journey, 13.4lbs ago. Then, it looked horrible, it was tight. But I wore it yesterday and it actually fit and didn't look or feel like I'd forced myself into it. My waist is trying to make an appearance in the show. These are good things. So, I'm feeling positive.
I'm so rambley today. Back on topic prease!
At work, there is a huge move-around going on. Basically a bunch of extra managers and second-in-command type people have been tossed, and the powers that be are reorganizing all the remaining staff into new teams, so that skills are distributed into the areas of a persons expertise. The team I'm in now... I like it, I like the people, and it's the easiest shit you ever did hear about. But since October, I've been working six and a half hours of my working day for another team, doing their work. I figured all along that I would be moved from "my" team into this other team. Which, predictably, I found out today. So I guess I can't say it's an unpleasant SURPRISE per se, but it wasn't a happy moment. My manager asked me how I felt about it, and I just told her I saw it coming so I was prepared for the news anyway.
Today's been very up and down. I started off feeling exhausted, and then perked up for most of the day. Right now though, my sinuses are starting to hurt and my neck feels stiff from staring at the computer since eight thirty this morning. I'm leaving in 22 minutes, and I really can't wait. Freedom! This place does something to you. All day yesterday, I felt horrible. I felt like I was getting a ridiculously bad flu. My entire throat and neck felt swollen to the extent that it felt like I'd swallowed an (American) football and it had lodged itself sideways in my throat. I had an earache so bad the entire right side of my face hurt and I couldn't find a position that my jaw could be held in to not aggravate the pain further. My head was pounding, my sinuses were feeling both dry and painful. I had a headache. I felt really nauesous at one point.
I know some people who don't "get it" will jump on the "It's because you're restricting you dumb bitch, this is your body paying you back HAH!" bandwagon, but unfortunately, you stupid whorebags, that's not the case. So hah right back at you!
See, as SOON as I stepped outside, all of this went away. I walked to the bus stop with my friend, waited, got on the bus, then walked home from my stop, and I felt absolutely fine! I think maybe it has something to do with the quality of the recycled air in the building or something. Or it might be a psychological subconscious reaction to the fact that I HATE this place with a passion and would really love to raze it to the ground while dancing naked around the fire and chanting curses upon the directors of the company.
If any blog statement will ever get me fired if my boss finds it, it'll be that one.
So anyway. I think a similar thing is happening today. I don't feel as horrible, just a little headache and neck ache really, and I'm pretty sure that once I step outside into the fresh air, I'll feel fine.
I'm making my famous pasta dish tonight. I say famous, but I'm the only one who has ever had it before, and even then was only once and I fucked up and put way too much olive oil in the sauce, but shut up and let my delusions of grandeur live on for another five minutes ok?
Ok.
I'm over it now.
I can't for the life of me remember what I wrote when I blogged last night about The New Weekly Calorie Plan, so this might be reiterating something you've already read, and if it is I apologise. But my aunts have now both officially had letters of acceptance for Gastric Bypass surgery. They're both going (along with their best friend who was referred a month earlier) to the same information session at the beginning of March. Basically it's a group consult with a doctor who will explain the procedure and give information on what to do beforehand (like apparently they have to go on an all-yogurt diet for two weeks before the date of the surgery) and required aftercare, and answer any questions. That kind of thing. Actual surgery dates will be scheduled after this session. So, the pasta evening has become one of celebration. For them because they're getting the life-altering surgery that is, in effect, just forcing them to follow the path I'm on right now. For me, it's a celebration because soon there won't be so much SHIT in the house. No food to tempt me. No more making big group meals that I have to partake in because they spent SO MUCH TIME cooking it. Yay!
Also, I honestly don't think they would have any right to say anything about my eating habits, if they're just forcing it upon themselves with surgery. They may not be disordered in the way that I am, but essentially gastric bypass surgery is enforced self-starvation to lose weight, in my mind anyway. They lack the willpower to do it on their own, so they're getting a doctor to go in and make their stomach so small that they physically will not be able to eat a normal amount of food ever again. As I said before: I will succeed where they have failed. If they had the will power in the first place, they wouldn't be doing this to themselves.
I mention this because on Wednesday night, my aunt turned to me and asked me what I ate for dinner, obviously because she noticed I didn't have anything when I came home. Like, what business is it of yours? You're stuffing yourself constantly, I don't tell her "hey you shouldn't eat that because if you didn't eat it, you would lose weight anyway and you wouldn't have to go through barbaric surgery." And she's forcing starvation upon herself, so she has no RIGHT to say ANYthing about what I do or do not eat. Anyway, I lied and told her I had subway for dinner. Which was a half-lie, I guess, since I did have a 350-calorie sub for lunch.
But again, I'm digressing. It's almost 4 now so I'm going to get ready to go home and get some basil for my pasta. I'll probably post more later, and I promise to try to make it slightly less rantey.
Love you, ladies.
Vee xxxx
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Change Of Plan
As of Monday, I won't be doing ABC anymore.
Well, as of today kind of.
Tomorrow I was going to trade out for my 800 day anyway because I was contemplating having pasta. Now, we're all having celebratory pasta so I'm making it for three instead of just one. My aunt got her letter through to go to an information day before Gastric Bypass surgery, and her partner got hers a week or two ago now. So anyway, that's tomorrow.
Anyway, the news is... a friend of mine, K, and I have decided to make our own plan instead of following ABC. It's still varied day by day, but it's on a weekly rotation. Mondays are the same, Tuesdays are the same etc. There are no incorporated fast days. Both of us feel that fast days work best when you WANT to do them rather than when you have to do it because a plan dictates. I personally do better fasting when I want to do it, when I feel like I can do it, if that makes sense.
So yeah, today is my last day on ABC. The weekend is going to be about restricting but not following a plan, and we're plunging into the new plan come Monday.
So! There's an update for you haha. Wish us luck. =] But I'm looking forward to the new plan. Since the days are the same, it will be a lot easier to remember - with ABC I kept having to refer to my diary or the internet to keep track of where I am and what day I'm on.
Well, as of today kind of.
Tomorrow I was going to trade out for my 800 day anyway because I was contemplating having pasta. Now, we're all having celebratory pasta so I'm making it for three instead of just one. My aunt got her letter through to go to an information day before Gastric Bypass surgery, and her partner got hers a week or two ago now. So anyway, that's tomorrow.
Anyway, the news is... a friend of mine, K, and I have decided to make our own plan instead of following ABC. It's still varied day by day, but it's on a weekly rotation. Mondays are the same, Tuesdays are the same etc. There are no incorporated fast days. Both of us feel that fast days work best when you WANT to do them rather than when you have to do it because a plan dictates. I personally do better fasting when I want to do it, when I feel like I can do it, if that makes sense.
So yeah, today is my last day on ABC. The weekend is going to be about restricting but not following a plan, and we're plunging into the new plan come Monday.
So! There's an update for you haha. Wish us luck. =] But I'm looking forward to the new plan. Since the days are the same, it will be a lot easier to remember - with ABC I kept having to refer to my diary or the internet to keep track of where I am and what day I'm on.
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