Ugh, so the sinus infection I've had since before my trip to Mexico still hasn't gone away, even though I was taking 1500mg of antibiotics every day for a week. So, I went back to the doctor this morning and she's given me something else to try... Just one pill a day for a week and hopefully this will clear it up. Ugh.
Went into work after and took my first pill (today I take two) and not twenty minutes later I felt really dizzy and nauseous and sick, and had to run to the bathroom. Was nearly sick a billion times but held my shit together, because I didn't want to throw up the damn medicine. But then I went and told my manager I'm not well at all so he let me go home again. I called my grandparents and asked if my grandpa would drive me home if I got the bus/tram to their house, and of course he obliged. But I had to stop off in town on the way to get my grandmother's Christmas present and a box of chocolates to take to my great-aunt and -uncle's house tomorrow. The entire time I was struggling not to be sick and felt absolutely terrible =///
The upside is, the idea of food makes me feel horrendous. I got to my grandmother's house and had half a slice of toast (shared the rest of it with her dog), and hung out a bit before my grandpa brought me home. When I got here I microwaved a pouch of rice and had a single bite of it before throwing it away. I love rice, I have to admit it's a weakness of mine, but today it just disgusted me. Which is for sure a good thing! I've got a ton of chocolate around me in the house right now, but I'm not actually tempted at all to eat it. So I guess in that sense, being sick is a good thing. I don't think it's JUST being sick though...
I feel like I'm just fed up of food in general. That doesn't make any sense does it?
Last night was horrible, I had a really bad headache - sinus headache - that kept me up even though I was super super tired. So I'm kind of glad I had a reason to get out of work. It was ridiculously quiet in there anyway so it's not a big loss. I apologised to my manager because I feel like such a flake, but he was okay about it, told me "you can't help it!" and wished me a merry Christmas and all that.
It's my aunt's birthday (she's 38 today!) so tonight we'll all be going over to my grandma's house again for a couple of hours in the evening. We do this every year, go to granny's house and hang out. Sometimes they used to stay over there for the night too, when I lived there, and then we'd have Christmas there. But not this year. The plan is to get takeout to eat too, usually either Chinese or KFC or something, but I feel terrible and have no desire whatsoever to eat, which is pretty awesome =]
Anyway, Merry Christmas (or whatever other holidays you celibrate (or don't celebrate)) to you all, I'll probably post later tomorrow to update but in any case, have a great one.
Stay Strong,
Vee xox
Showing posts with label sick. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sick. Show all posts
Thursday, 24 December 2009
Monday, 21 December 2009
Gross but Good (warning: talk of poop)
My stomach has been ridiculously upset the past several days. I think it's a mixture of anxiety and that I may be coming down with a bug. But I'm kind of glad. Example: dinner tonight, I had a mouthful of rice and a couple tablespoons worth of mashed potatoes, and then a couple scoops of ice cream. Luckily it was all pretty rank so I didn't finish what I did put on my plate. Not twenty minutes later I had rather explosive diarrhoea, and everything I ate was flushed completely out of me (that was apparent by the whole undigested pieces of coconut from the ice cream that was visible... after). Honestly I'm surprised my family hasn't noticed the amount I've been eating... I've been taking a small amount of food to start with, then eating less than half and leaving it. I've been expecting comments, but nobody's said a thing, so I'm not sure they've noticed.
I'm going home tomorrow, and I've got mixed feelings. I'm looking forward to seeing my kitties and catching up with S and L, and most of all sleeping in my own bed. And of course, having more control over the food that I'm eating, since right now everything is catered and there's not a huge variety. Rice and various fish-cooked-in-some-manner-of-sauce, vegetables and meats coated in sauces and gravies. Ugh, my stomach is squirming just thinking about it. Once I get home I can settle back into my own routines, and I'm really looking forward to it.
I think at this point I'm going to start ABC on New Year's Day. I'll restrict before then but plunge right back in at the start of the new year. It seems like a nice way to start the year - after all, they say that however New Year's Day goes, sets the precident for the rest of the year. Anybody with me? =]
Thank you all for your comments on my Exercise Tips, that's a great idea. I've already "obtained" a few Yoga DVDs that I'm going to burn when I get home.
But I've got another question for you: Pro Ana bracelets. I want one. I have for a while, but haven't gotten around to it yet. I'm having trouble finding something I really like. I mean I found one, but since I apparently have expensive tastes, it's a silver Tiffany & Co bangle with a red enamel inlay. Gorgeous, but somewhere in the region of £300.
I'd love to make my own but I'm tres uncreative and tend not to finish creative projects that I start. Which is bad, but whatever. I started making one in different shades of red and black thread, Friendship-Bracelet style, but I didn't like it so I stopped making it..
So the question is, do you have one? If so, where did you get it?
Thanks again, I hope you're all doing well and had a great weekend.
Vee xox
I'm going home tomorrow, and I've got mixed feelings. I'm looking forward to seeing my kitties and catching up with S and L, and most of all sleeping in my own bed. And of course, having more control over the food that I'm eating, since right now everything is catered and there's not a huge variety. Rice and various fish-cooked-in-some-manner-of-sauce, vegetables and meats coated in sauces and gravies. Ugh, my stomach is squirming just thinking about it. Once I get home I can settle back into my own routines, and I'm really looking forward to it.
I think at this point I'm going to start ABC on New Year's Day. I'll restrict before then but plunge right back in at the start of the new year. It seems like a nice way to start the year - after all, they say that however New Year's Day goes, sets the precident for the rest of the year. Anybody with me? =]
Thank you all for your comments on my Exercise Tips, that's a great idea. I've already "obtained" a few Yoga DVDs that I'm going to burn when I get home.
But I've got another question for you: Pro Ana bracelets. I want one. I have for a while, but haven't gotten around to it yet. I'm having trouble finding something I really like. I mean I found one, but since I apparently have expensive tastes, it's a silver Tiffany & Co bangle with a red enamel inlay. Gorgeous, but somewhere in the region of £300.
I'd love to make my own but I'm tres uncreative and tend not to finish creative projects that I start. Which is bad, but whatever. I started making one in different shades of red and black thread, Friendship-Bracelet style, but I didn't like it so I stopped making it..
So the question is, do you have one? If so, where did you get it?
Thanks again, I hope you're all doing well and had a great weekend.
Vee xox
Friday, 21 August 2009
Oh GOD Make it stop
Seriously, my abdomen/general stomach area hurts so much right now. What is going on? I feel like my insides are trying to explode out.
Also, to address a comment from Pi (HI by the way =]), I don't *think* it's PMS related. Although I never know anymore.
Too much info warning =]
See, I don't get periods. It's not ED-related or anything, it's just because of the birth control pill I'm on (I mean, as of today I haven't had sex in NINETEEN MONTHS, I shit you not, but I still take the pill a: just in case and b: no periods!). But, I think I still get the bloating and the random water weight gain and the hormonal emotional basketcaseism.
The thing is, because I haven't had a period since October 2006 (and I use the term period in that instance VERY loosely), I have no idea when my usual cycle would be. Over the past three years I've completely lost track, even though my cycle used to be exactly 4 weeks, like clockwork. So, emotional craziness and bloating and weight gain is entirely random, and I never quite know if it's due to my cycle or just because I'm a psycho.
This pain isn't cramps though. Honestly, and this is gross, but I think it's mostly down to constipation and severe wind all up in there and grumbling around. I wish I could just poke myself with a pin and deflate (and then be skinny and gorgeous forever, Amen).
I'm rambling as usual =]
Bleh, I feel like shit. It's abating VERY slightly right now but about an hour or so ago it felt like I was dying. Like that scene from Alien when the thing RIPS out of the dude's stomach. That's me, only about ten minutes earlier.
Food wise it's gone okay. I'm being strong strong strong! One of the temps in my team is leaving on Monday to go work in our call centre in a permanent position, and since it's her last day she brought in some nibbles (read: sweet things) and all I had was a mini-muffin and some manner of tiny cake thing. Total couldn't be more than 200 calories, if that. Yay!
It helps that my bloatey horribleness is making me wary of consuming anything at all for fear of making it worse. AND, if it keeps up (or, to be fair, even if it doesn't) I have an excuse to shower, straighten my hair, and go to bed without having to eat anything when I get home, even if my aunt is in foodnazi mode =]
Seven days til I go to Canada too, I'm starting to get excited now ^-^
Also, to address a comment from Pi (HI by the way =]), I don't *think* it's PMS related. Although I never know anymore.
Too much info warning =]
See, I don't get periods. It's not ED-related or anything, it's just because of the birth control pill I'm on (I mean, as of today I haven't had sex in NINETEEN MONTHS, I shit you not, but I still take the pill a: just in case and b: no periods!). But, I think I still get the bloating and the random water weight gain and the hormonal emotional basketcaseism.
The thing is, because I haven't had a period since October 2006 (and I use the term period in that instance VERY loosely), I have no idea when my usual cycle would be. Over the past three years I've completely lost track, even though my cycle used to be exactly 4 weeks, like clockwork. So, emotional craziness and bloating and weight gain is entirely random, and I never quite know if it's due to my cycle or just because I'm a psycho.
This pain isn't cramps though. Honestly, and this is gross, but I think it's mostly down to constipation and severe wind all up in there and grumbling around. I wish I could just poke myself with a pin and deflate (and then be skinny and gorgeous forever, Amen).
I'm rambling as usual =]
Bleh, I feel like shit. It's abating VERY slightly right now but about an hour or so ago it felt like I was dying. Like that scene from Alien when the thing RIPS out of the dude's stomach. That's me, only about ten minutes earlier.
Food wise it's gone okay. I'm being strong strong strong! One of the temps in my team is leaving on Monday to go work in our call centre in a permanent position, and since it's her last day she brought in some nibbles (read: sweet things) and all I had was a mini-muffin and some manner of tiny cake thing. Total couldn't be more than 200 calories, if that. Yay!
It helps that my bloatey horribleness is making me wary of consuming anything at all for fear of making it worse. AND, if it keeps up (or, to be fair, even if it doesn't) I have an excuse to shower, straighten my hair, and go to bed without having to eat anything when I get home, even if my aunt is in foodnazi mode =]
Seven days til I go to Canada too, I'm starting to get excited now ^-^
That Bloated Feeling
Bleh. Today, I'm in a pretty good mood, but unfortunately I feel physically shit.
Last night was not a failure but not a success. After work I had to meet my aunts at the old house because some people were coming to look around and we had a few last minute things to do (like get rid of huge spiders in the bathtub. *cringe* Needless to say, I didn't do that job at ALL). Afterward they decided they were going to try some Indian food, and we went straight to the place on the way home from the house. By this point it was after 7 and I couldn't talk my way out. So I got some garlic naan bread and had it with a little korma sauce, but skipped the rice and didn't eat the chicken. I wound up throwing most of it away, actually, so I counted it as a demi-success (I fucking love that stuff and usually tend to binge until I feel physically ill and can't move).
But, this morning I feel ridiculously bloated, very constipated (sorry for the too-much-info there) and just all around crap. My abdomen feels inflated and sore and I just want to curl up in bed and sleep it off. Instead, I get to sick at work for another 5 hours. Fail!
But like I said, it could be worse. The only reason I feel crappy is because of that. I feel kind of ill with it as well, which sucks but whatever.
Also, the scale today registered a GAIN of 1.8lbs. However, due to the insane bloating and the fact that I did not overdo it yesterday makes me think that this is not an accurate representation of how much I weigh, so I'm going to weigh in properly tomorrow morning.
Today I'm going to be very good. Nothing at work, and then as little as I can get away with at home. Luckily tonight is another "I need to lock myself in my room for a couple hours to do my hair" night (I can't wash my hair EVERY day or it gets horribly dry, and also I can't be bothered straightening for an hour EVERY SINGLE DAY OH MY GOD ARE YOU INSANE!) so I might be able to get away with it.
Tomorrow I'm going to get my hair cut and my highlights redone as they've grown out quite a bit. I should have gone about 2-3 weeks ago but I want it fresh for when I go away =]
Hope you're all having a good day!
Stay strong,
Vee xox
Last night was not a failure but not a success. After work I had to meet my aunts at the old house because some people were coming to look around and we had a few last minute things to do (like get rid of huge spiders in the bathtub. *cringe* Needless to say, I didn't do that job at ALL). Afterward they decided they were going to try some Indian food, and we went straight to the place on the way home from the house. By this point it was after 7 and I couldn't talk my way out. So I got some garlic naan bread and had it with a little korma sauce, but skipped the rice and didn't eat the chicken. I wound up throwing most of it away, actually, so I counted it as a demi-success (I fucking love that stuff and usually tend to binge until I feel physically ill and can't move).
But, this morning I feel ridiculously bloated, very constipated (sorry for the too-much-info there) and just all around crap. My abdomen feels inflated and sore and I just want to curl up in bed and sleep it off. Instead, I get to sick at work for another 5 hours. Fail!
But like I said, it could be worse. The only reason I feel crappy is because of that. I feel kind of ill with it as well, which sucks but whatever.
Also, the scale today registered a GAIN of 1.8lbs. However, due to the insane bloating and the fact that I did not overdo it yesterday makes me think that this is not an accurate representation of how much I weigh, so I'm going to weigh in properly tomorrow morning.
Today I'm going to be very good. Nothing at work, and then as little as I can get away with at home. Luckily tonight is another "I need to lock myself in my room for a couple hours to do my hair" night (I can't wash my hair EVERY day or it gets horribly dry, and also I can't be bothered straightening for an hour EVERY SINGLE DAY OH MY GOD ARE YOU INSANE!) so I might be able to get away with it.
Tomorrow I'm going to get my hair cut and my highlights redone as they've grown out quite a bit. I should have gone about 2-3 weeks ago but I want it fresh for when I go away =]
Hope you're all having a good day!
Stay strong,
Vee xox
Monday, 17 August 2009
The Weekend of Suck
This weekend was made of fail. Mostly because it was made of migraines.
It started off okay - woke up Saturday morning 1.4lbs lighter than I had on Friday! Score! Went to the mall and a craft shop to pick up some things I needed, and managed to get my hands on two new Dean Koontz books. Double-Score!
But halfway through our trek through the mall, my head started pounding ominously. And it only got worse. I drank two bottles of fruit juice hoping it was dehydration or something, but no dice. So I got a small bag of crisps and had most of them, hoping the salty goodness would stave off the migraine if it was due to lack of food. Again, no dice.
By the time we got home I was nearly in tears. I had a little pasta to eat, still praying that carbs would do the job (although I ate pasta, I didn't go over much for the day, my total was around 600 with the crisps so it's not TOO bad). But I couldn't even finish eating because the headache was making me feel ridiculously sick - and my migraine pills weren't doing anything. So I lie in bed trying not to be sick - and all the while thinking how great it would be if my migraine DID make me sick, because no calories and technically it wasn't making myself sick - and took some more painkillers. By 9 at night the migraine had centred over... well, the entire right half of my head. But it wasn't as bad as it had been, so I went down to talk to my aunts for a while. But, it reared right back up as soon as I got out of bed, so I soon wandered back and stayed there for the night.
Around 6 yesterday morning, I woke up and my head was killing me still/again. I got up and took some more migraine pills, but immediately started feeling sick and had to take out my retainer so I could sit in the bathroom for 15 minutes and wait for the sick feeling to pass. It didn't, but I wound up getting a wash cloth and soaking it in very cold water, before going back to bed. In the end, I put the cloth - water and all - on one of my pillows, pressed my face into the pillow so the cold water was bathing the section over my brow that was throbbing the worst, and finally managed to fall asleep. BUT then around 11 my grandparents turned up and I had to get up and get dressed. More painkillers and two and a half hours later and I went back to bed until 5.
Last night it was finally starting to ease up, although it's still throbbing a bit in the same spot today. At least it's not a full on migraine.
In the end, even though I didn't go over calories yesterday, I still didn't lose any today. Sigh.
So total loss so far is 1.4lbs - which isn't TOO bad I suppose since it still averages to half a pound a day, right?
Oh yeah, and it was my mom's birthday yesterday and when I spoke to her on the phone in the evening she was depressed and in tears. My grandmother had forgot her own daughter's birthday, and nobody over there was acting like they gave half a shit. She had to go out and buy stuff to cook dinner for her husband and my brother. My stepdad went out to get her a card while I was on the phone with her. No presents.
Yeah, happy fucking birthday.
I hope you guys had a better weekend than I did =/
Vee xox
It started off okay - woke up Saturday morning 1.4lbs lighter than I had on Friday! Score! Went to the mall and a craft shop to pick up some things I needed, and managed to get my hands on two new Dean Koontz books. Double-Score!
But halfway through our trek through the mall, my head started pounding ominously. And it only got worse. I drank two bottles of fruit juice hoping it was dehydration or something, but no dice. So I got a small bag of crisps and had most of them, hoping the salty goodness would stave off the migraine if it was due to lack of food. Again, no dice.
By the time we got home I was nearly in tears. I had a little pasta to eat, still praying that carbs would do the job (although I ate pasta, I didn't go over much for the day, my total was around 600 with the crisps so it's not TOO bad). But I couldn't even finish eating because the headache was making me feel ridiculously sick - and my migraine pills weren't doing anything. So I lie in bed trying not to be sick - and all the while thinking how great it would be if my migraine DID make me sick, because no calories and technically it wasn't making myself sick - and took some more painkillers. By 9 at night the migraine had centred over... well, the entire right half of my head. But it wasn't as bad as it had been, so I went down to talk to my aunts for a while. But, it reared right back up as soon as I got out of bed, so I soon wandered back and stayed there for the night.
Around 6 yesterday morning, I woke up and my head was killing me still/again. I got up and took some more migraine pills, but immediately started feeling sick and had to take out my retainer so I could sit in the bathroom for 15 minutes and wait for the sick feeling to pass. It didn't, but I wound up getting a wash cloth and soaking it in very cold water, before going back to bed. In the end, I put the cloth - water and all - on one of my pillows, pressed my face into the pillow so the cold water was bathing the section over my brow that was throbbing the worst, and finally managed to fall asleep. BUT then around 11 my grandparents turned up and I had to get up and get dressed. More painkillers and two and a half hours later and I went back to bed until 5.
Last night it was finally starting to ease up, although it's still throbbing a bit in the same spot today. At least it's not a full on migraine.
In the end, even though I didn't go over calories yesterday, I still didn't lose any today. Sigh.
So total loss so far is 1.4lbs - which isn't TOO bad I suppose since it still averages to half a pound a day, right?
Oh yeah, and it was my mom's birthday yesterday and when I spoke to her on the phone in the evening she was depressed and in tears. My grandmother had forgot her own daughter's birthday, and nobody over there was acting like they gave half a shit. She had to go out and buy stuff to cook dinner for her husband and my brother. My stepdad went out to get her a card while I was on the phone with her. No presents.
Yeah, happy fucking birthday.
I hope you guys had a better weekend than I did =/
Vee xox
Thursday, 6 August 2009
Horribleness
Ugh my head is hurting so might right now. All the fluorescent lights have been turned on above me and I can't turn them off. My head is throbbing and my eyes are bleary and most of all I feel sick and nauseous and super hot. An hour and 20 minutes to go. Home free.
My aunt's at home now.
Sorry for the sporatic posting this week. It's just been hectic and I've been exhausted with the long days and hospital visits. Now that she's home and I can go straight home and sleep instead of having to go to a hospital until 9pm I should have a little more gusto to get shit done and therefore have some free time to blog it up.
Wishing you all the best!
Comments-back to follow
Vee xox
My aunt's at home now.
Sorry for the sporatic posting this week. It's just been hectic and I've been exhausted with the long days and hospital visits. Now that she's home and I can go straight home and sleep instead of having to go to a hospital until 9pm I should have a little more gusto to get shit done and therefore have some free time to blog it up.
Wishing you all the best!
Comments-back to follow
Vee xox
Monday, 27 July 2009
Monday Morning Misery
I hate Mondays. I know they aren’t exactly the more popular days to most people, but my GOD, do I hate them. I suppose I bring some of that on myself, since I tend to stay in bed late on the weekend which in turn screws up my already tenuous sleeping pattern, and then having to get up early for work is a living nightmare.
This morning was, of course, no exception.
Last night, after showering and doing my hair, I did a quick post to my blog and immediately went to bed. Not ten minutes later, my cat started clawing at the door so I had to let her out. Then back in again half an hour later. Then at 1:30 in the morning, she wanted to go out again so I had to drag myself out of bed to open my bedroom door yet again. By this time I’d dozed for maybe ten minutes.
In the end, I think I finally managed to fall asleep around 4ish, and even then my sleep was fitful. I remember waking up at least three times between 5 and 6, and then dozed restlessly on and off from 6:20 until my alarm went off at 6:45.
I woke up feeling like hell. A little uneasy and nauseous, dizzy, but mostly completely fucking exhausted. I dragged myself to the bathroom to get ready for work, but my aunt called me from her room and told me she wasn’t going to work today. Great. I mentioned in my last post that I have 3 hours to make up between today and tomorrow, on top of my usual 7 hours each day. So last night I asked my aunt what time she was leaving – I figured, if she was leaving early I’d go with her and get my morning ride to the bus stop, but if she was starting late, I’d get up half an hour earlier to ensure I’d still get to work before 8:30. So, my aunt telling me at the last minute that she wasn’t going to work today totally screwed up my plans. Instead of getting to work for 8:20 like I’d planned to, I got to my desk at 8:45, which means I have to stay until between 5:30 and 5:45 to make up the extra time (I need to calculate exactly what I need to make up, but either way it’s not good).
And of course, instead of taking this news and being able to hurry to get out the door sooner to make up time, I wound up having to spend 20 minutes on the toilet with an upset stomach. Ugh. No idea what caused that, probably just my body being pissed off that it didn’t get any sleep last night or something. But in the end I didn’t leave the house until 5 minutes AFTER I should have left with my aunt.
Halfway into my 20-minute walk to the bus stop, I suddenly realized I wasn’t sure whether or not I locked the door when I left. Of course by this time, I was pissed off and felt sick and didn’t give a damn, and there was no way in hell I was going to waste an extra 20 minutes walking home and back again just to check the door. We live in a safe neighbourhood, and it’s the back door that I used, so it should be fine… But I’m half expecting a bitchy text from one of my aunts around noon.
Also, my bread-binge did some damage, but not an immense amount. I’m up a pound this morning, but still down 1 overall from last Thursday morning. Which, in my opinion, is not nearly good enough, but at least I’m still down after having a bad weekend. To make up for it, I left my bag of grapes in the fridge at home – I have a 10 calorie chicken soup that I’m going to have for lunch instead (IF my stomach calms down enough to allow it. I just had a sip of green tea and it’s churning in my stomach like an ocean storm right now, oh god). When I get home I’ll either have… a frozen Shepherd’s Pie (220 calories) or a can of English cop-out fake hot dogs when I get home (I think for a whole can of 8 little hot dogs, it’s like 200 calories) so either way my total will be in a totally acceptable level and I should see another decent loss in the morning.
My room is like a glorified storage closet right now. And I know I’m not going to do a damn thing about it tonight, which is what I’d planned to do. Instead, I’m so damn tired, that I’m going to go home, eat something (hmm, or maybe skip food altogether and blame it on feeling sick), throw some laundry in the washing machine, and go to bed for the night.
Tomorrow I’ll try to do some organizing. I have two big bags of books, two boxes of godknowswhat, and a bag that has some stuffed animals and film cells and framed photos in it, that I need to find a home for. The books aren’t too bad, it’s the rest of it. Mental note, I need to get a shoe rack or something to put on the back of my door =/
Anyway, I should go get some work done. I really don’t want to be here, and in all honesty I probably should have just stayed at home today, but I have to make up these hours by the end of tomorrow, and I’m here now so I might as well persevere.
Still, I wonder if anyone would notice if I took a two-hour nap under my desk at lunchtime…?
This morning was, of course, no exception.
Last night, after showering and doing my hair, I did a quick post to my blog and immediately went to bed. Not ten minutes later, my cat started clawing at the door so I had to let her out. Then back in again half an hour later. Then at 1:30 in the morning, she wanted to go out again so I had to drag myself out of bed to open my bedroom door yet again. By this time I’d dozed for maybe ten minutes.
In the end, I think I finally managed to fall asleep around 4ish, and even then my sleep was fitful. I remember waking up at least three times between 5 and 6, and then dozed restlessly on and off from 6:20 until my alarm went off at 6:45.
I woke up feeling like hell. A little uneasy and nauseous, dizzy, but mostly completely fucking exhausted. I dragged myself to the bathroom to get ready for work, but my aunt called me from her room and told me she wasn’t going to work today. Great. I mentioned in my last post that I have 3 hours to make up between today and tomorrow, on top of my usual 7 hours each day. So last night I asked my aunt what time she was leaving – I figured, if she was leaving early I’d go with her and get my morning ride to the bus stop, but if she was starting late, I’d get up half an hour earlier to ensure I’d still get to work before 8:30. So, my aunt telling me at the last minute that she wasn’t going to work today totally screwed up my plans. Instead of getting to work for 8:20 like I’d planned to, I got to my desk at 8:45, which means I have to stay until between 5:30 and 5:45 to make up the extra time (I need to calculate exactly what I need to make up, but either way it’s not good).
And of course, instead of taking this news and being able to hurry to get out the door sooner to make up time, I wound up having to spend 20 minutes on the toilet with an upset stomach. Ugh. No idea what caused that, probably just my body being pissed off that it didn’t get any sleep last night or something. But in the end I didn’t leave the house until 5 minutes AFTER I should have left with my aunt.
Halfway into my 20-minute walk to the bus stop, I suddenly realized I wasn’t sure whether or not I locked the door when I left. Of course by this time, I was pissed off and felt sick and didn’t give a damn, and there was no way in hell I was going to waste an extra 20 minutes walking home and back again just to check the door. We live in a safe neighbourhood, and it’s the back door that I used, so it should be fine… But I’m half expecting a bitchy text from one of my aunts around noon.
Also, my bread-binge did some damage, but not an immense amount. I’m up a pound this morning, but still down 1 overall from last Thursday morning. Which, in my opinion, is not nearly good enough, but at least I’m still down after having a bad weekend. To make up for it, I left my bag of grapes in the fridge at home – I have a 10 calorie chicken soup that I’m going to have for lunch instead (IF my stomach calms down enough to allow it. I just had a sip of green tea and it’s churning in my stomach like an ocean storm right now, oh god). When I get home I’ll either have… a frozen Shepherd’s Pie (220 calories) or a can of English cop-out fake hot dogs when I get home (I think for a whole can of 8 little hot dogs, it’s like 200 calories) so either way my total will be in a totally acceptable level and I should see another decent loss in the morning.
My room is like a glorified storage closet right now. And I know I’m not going to do a damn thing about it tonight, which is what I’d planned to do. Instead, I’m so damn tired, that I’m going to go home, eat something (hmm, or maybe skip food altogether and blame it on feeling sick), throw some laundry in the washing machine, and go to bed for the night.
Tomorrow I’ll try to do some organizing. I have two big bags of books, two boxes of godknowswhat, and a bag that has some stuffed animals and film cells and framed photos in it, that I need to find a home for. The books aren’t too bad, it’s the rest of it. Mental note, I need to get a shoe rack or something to put on the back of my door =/
Anyway, I should go get some work done. I really don’t want to be here, and in all honesty I probably should have just stayed at home today, but I have to make up these hours by the end of tomorrow, and I’m here now so I might as well persevere.
Still, I wonder if anyone would notice if I took a two-hour nap under my desk at lunchtime…?
Friday, 22 May 2009
The Aftermath
So after two days of writhing in pain and being unable to even sleep until the pain went away, I'm now living "The Aftermath" - you know, the time after having a migraine where your head still feels a bit sensitive where the pain used to be, where you feel a little shaky and maybe disoriented and so very, very fatigued. Recovering from a migraine attack really wears you down. That sensitive spot just over the arch of my left eyebrow, feels so tender, feels like the migraine is just dormant and ready to spring back. But if I'm lucky, it'll stay away.
I was doing so well yesterday. Up until 7pm I had only eaten around 200 calories worth of rice (one of the only things I had in the house aside from frozen meals and peanut butter) and was feeling good. Through the day my migraine had slowly abated to a persistent, niggling headache. Towards nighttime though, my head was starting to throb and pound all over again and I was drenched in sweat even though our heating was off - and anyone who knows me will tell you that I am ALWAYS cold. So I thought shit, I need to eat something. I grabbed a frozen meal and shoved it in the microwave and ate it without tasting it. I felt like I was panicking. I also downed a ton of water just in case I was getting dehydrated and that was messing me up.
Luckily, after eating I went to bed with a cool gel thing on my head and, although it took me several hours to fall asleep, I woke up pain-free. Thank god.
Funny story: strange noises kept waking me up even though I had earplugs in, but then when I listened there was nothing. I was freaking myself out. This morning I open the bathroom door (I had shut it because there was a spider on the ceiling and I didn't want the little fucker venturing over to my bedroom in the middle of the night) and my aunt's cat darted out and started purring around my ankles. Oops!
Surprisingly, today is an alright day so far, all things considered. My head feels terribly tender and I'm so very tired and have zero motivation to actually do anything. And my bus is detouring from its current route and bypassing 5 or 6 stops, which means I had to walk an extra 15-minutes uphill to get to the next one. Maybe it's endorphins from getting my heart going a little, but even though I'm exhausted, I'm in a good mood. In work I had a little chat and some laughs with my manager and a few other guys in my team. My manager is fine with the fact that I'm going to be down 3 hours for the working period and is more than happy for me to make it up next week. Whoo!
Anyway, I need to get some work done, since I'm kind of behind after chatting.
More later,
Vee xox
I was doing so well yesterday. Up until 7pm I had only eaten around 200 calories worth of rice (one of the only things I had in the house aside from frozen meals and peanut butter) and was feeling good. Through the day my migraine had slowly abated to a persistent, niggling headache. Towards nighttime though, my head was starting to throb and pound all over again and I was drenched in sweat even though our heating was off - and anyone who knows me will tell you that I am ALWAYS cold. So I thought shit, I need to eat something. I grabbed a frozen meal and shoved it in the microwave and ate it without tasting it. I felt like I was panicking. I also downed a ton of water just in case I was getting dehydrated and that was messing me up.
Luckily, after eating I went to bed with a cool gel thing on my head and, although it took me several hours to fall asleep, I woke up pain-free. Thank god.
Funny story: strange noises kept waking me up even though I had earplugs in, but then when I listened there was nothing. I was freaking myself out. This morning I open the bathroom door (I had shut it because there was a spider on the ceiling and I didn't want the little fucker venturing over to my bedroom in the middle of the night) and my aunt's cat darted out and started purring around my ankles. Oops!
Surprisingly, today is an alright day so far, all things considered. My head feels terribly tender and I'm so very tired and have zero motivation to actually do anything. And my bus is detouring from its current route and bypassing 5 or 6 stops, which means I had to walk an extra 15-minutes uphill to get to the next one. Maybe it's endorphins from getting my heart going a little, but even though I'm exhausted, I'm in a good mood. In work I had a little chat and some laughs with my manager and a few other guys in my team. My manager is fine with the fact that I'm going to be down 3 hours for the working period and is more than happy for me to make it up next week. Whoo!
Anyway, I need to get some work done, since I'm kind of behind after chatting.
More later,
Vee xox
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Update
First of all, thanks to everyone who's voted in my poll so far. Cross-Trainer is where I was leaning too as well, but it's always nice to get everyone's input! And thanks to Pasco and Ana who left comments with their reasoning on my previous entry. You girls rock!
So a brief update.
Last night I was violently sick and went to bed with a migraine, hoping I'd sleep it off and feel better. No dice. My alarm went off at 7 this morning and I physically could not move because every tiny motion made my head scream and feel like it was trying to tear apart. I reset my alarm for 8:30 and tried to go back to sleep. Woke up at 8:30 and called work to tell them I won't be coming in. I'm kind of stressing because I need to leave work at 4 on Friday so I have time to finish doing the last bits of laundry and vacuum the stairs and stuff before my aunts come home on Saturday. But, not going to work today means I'll be getting 7 hours added on for sick pay but I usually work 8.5 hours, so I'm going to be down on my hours by that hour and a half... More if I do leave early on Friday. So to make up I think I might have to work until 7 tomorrow, and how much does that bite? Sigh.
Still, I can't be slacking off and stuff and just prove to my manager HEY I totally didn't deserve that raise you just gave me because now I'm 2 hours down at the end of the four week work period and! I've had a sick day. (to be fair I think my last sick day was back in like November or December so it could be worse)
I have a friend at work who tells me to just go home if I'm tired or feeling a bit under the weather or have a cold or the slightest headache. I generally persevere unless it's really severely bad. And she always tells me "You're being stupid, nobody thinks better of you for coming in when you're not well" - and I can see her point, but on the flip-side, people DO think WORSE of you for NOT coming in.
I mean in the team I was in previously there's a guy who takes a ton of sick time. I mean we're talking at least once a month for anywhere from 1 day to 2 weeks. And everyone jokes about it. "That man has more time off than Santa" or "Aw, looks like [namehere] has another runny nose" (I mean to be fair it probably exacerbates the issue that he admitted that he takes so much time off because he hates his job and cant be bothered but STILL)
I don't want to be known as "that girl who takes a ton of time off" so I push through it.
Today was one of those days where even the thought of getting up to pee felt like climbing Everest stark naked in the middle of winter. My head still hurts a lot now, not as bad as it was earlier but it's still definitely there. And I feel disoriented and kind of dizzy because of it. And I should probably take tomorrow off work too, only... I'd feel too shitty about it to just sit at home and relax. Too anxious. And too worked up about how I'm going to make up those 3 hours before the weekend. Sigh.
We'll see.
Love you ladies
xoxo Vee
So a brief update.
Last night I was violently sick and went to bed with a migraine, hoping I'd sleep it off and feel better. No dice. My alarm went off at 7 this morning and I physically could not move because every tiny motion made my head scream and feel like it was trying to tear apart. I reset my alarm for 8:30 and tried to go back to sleep. Woke up at 8:30 and called work to tell them I won't be coming in. I'm kind of stressing because I need to leave work at 4 on Friday so I have time to finish doing the last bits of laundry and vacuum the stairs and stuff before my aunts come home on Saturday. But, not going to work today means I'll be getting 7 hours added on for sick pay but I usually work 8.5 hours, so I'm going to be down on my hours by that hour and a half... More if I do leave early on Friday. So to make up I think I might have to work until 7 tomorrow, and how much does that bite? Sigh.
Still, I can't be slacking off and stuff and just prove to my manager HEY I totally didn't deserve that raise you just gave me because now I'm 2 hours down at the end of the four week work period and! I've had a sick day. (to be fair I think my last sick day was back in like November or December so it could be worse)
I have a friend at work who tells me to just go home if I'm tired or feeling a bit under the weather or have a cold or the slightest headache. I generally persevere unless it's really severely bad. And she always tells me "You're being stupid, nobody thinks better of you for coming in when you're not well" - and I can see her point, but on the flip-side, people DO think WORSE of you for NOT coming in.
I mean in the team I was in previously there's a guy who takes a ton of sick time. I mean we're talking at least once a month for anywhere from 1 day to 2 weeks. And everyone jokes about it. "That man has more time off than Santa" or "Aw, looks like [namehere] has another runny nose" (I mean to be fair it probably exacerbates the issue that he admitted that he takes so much time off because he hates his job and cant be bothered but STILL)
I don't want to be known as "that girl who takes a ton of time off" so I push through it.
Today was one of those days where even the thought of getting up to pee felt like climbing Everest stark naked in the middle of winter. My head still hurts a lot now, not as bad as it was earlier but it's still definitely there. And I feel disoriented and kind of dizzy because of it. And I should probably take tomorrow off work too, only... I'd feel too shitty about it to just sit at home and relax. Too anxious. And too worked up about how I'm going to make up those 3 hours before the weekend. Sigh.
We'll see.
Love you ladies
xoxo Vee
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Poll!
Hey guys
So, I have a migraine and have just spent the past 15 minutes being sick. My throat is raw and I feel like ass. I'm completely exhausted and passed out for 20 minutes while trying to watch a movie on TV and felt so disoriented when I woke up. And it wasn't until I woke up that I thought, woah, I am going to be sick. Ughhh, my throat!
And only 10 more hours until I have to leave for work. Awesome.
Anyway, this is really just a quick post before I go curl up and die somewhere, to say that I've put a poll in the sidebar. As soon as I move, and everything is organized in my room, I am buying some manner of fucking work out equipment. Problem is, I'm torn. Bike? Elliptical? Treadmill? Dumbells? I mean I'll probably get the weights as well as the cardio equipment but I wanted another option and couldn't think of anything else.
So, vote in the poll and tell me what you think. Feel free to post a comment if you prefer something not on the list, or to elaborate on why you prefer that particular piece of equipment (more versatile, burns more calories, better cario, whatever).
Thanks for your help =]
Goodnight and sweet dreams darlings.
Xoxo
Vee
So, I have a migraine and have just spent the past 15 minutes being sick. My throat is raw and I feel like ass. I'm completely exhausted and passed out for 20 minutes while trying to watch a movie on TV and felt so disoriented when I woke up. And it wasn't until I woke up that I thought, woah, I am going to be sick. Ughhh, my throat!
And only 10 more hours until I have to leave for work. Awesome.
Anyway, this is really just a quick post before I go curl up and die somewhere, to say that I've put a poll in the sidebar. As soon as I move, and everything is organized in my room, I am buying some manner of fucking work out equipment. Problem is, I'm torn. Bike? Elliptical? Treadmill? Dumbells? I mean I'll probably get the weights as well as the cardio equipment but I wanted another option and couldn't think of anything else.
So, vote in the poll and tell me what you think. Feel free to post a comment if you prefer something not on the list, or to elaborate on why you prefer that particular piece of equipment (more versatile, burns more calories, better cario, whatever).
Thanks for your help =]
Goodnight and sweet dreams darlings.
Xoxo
Vee
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
(036) - Goal One Achieved
So… my plan was to be down to 190lbs this morning, at a best. I figured I’d be down at least to 191, but was hoping and hoping for 190lbs. I wanted to hit that first goal again as soon as possible.
And ladies, I have succeeded in breaking it. I am in SUCH a good mood today it is ridiculous. I live for those ecstatic moments when you step on a scale and those lower-than-yesterday numbers pop up. It doesn’t matter what the rest of the day brings. As long as those numbers are lower, I can basically call it a “good day”. It sets up my mood for the rest of the day. If those numbers are higher, I will undoubtedly be mopey and depressed. If they’re lower, I’ll likely still be mopey and depressed, but maybe a little less so, and at least I’ll have that half-minute of supreme happiness to start the day with.
My scales this morning said 188.6lbs. I dropped 2.8lbs in 24 hours. I am unbelievably happy right now!
I’m psyched up to go to the gym again, even though my body is exhausted, I’ve got a headache, and my throat feels swollen. I plan to drink a load of water, so if it’s dehydration (I didn’t drink near as much as I should have yesterday), it should help. Although one of the guys I work with, has been working with someone who has Mumps, so there’s a chance he’s brought it in and given it to us all – at least two of us have the same symptoms right now. Swollen, sore throat, physically exhausted, couldn’t sleep last night because we felt SO HOT and kept tossing and turning. And that’s not like me. I am ALWAYS cold.
But I digress. 188.6! If I can lose a pound a day, I can reach my goal weight of 130… by the end of April. How amazing is that? I know it’s not likely that I will lose a pound a day, it’ll be up and down, but I can hope that it averages out. We’ll see I guess!
Anyway, I need to get some work done and try to stay awake, which is definitely going to be a challenge today. It’s a 400 day on ABC and I’m torn between restricting hard like I did yesterday, and giving myself some real food. I’ll have my broth for lunch, and see how I feel when I get home. If I’m super ravenous, I’ll have a 250 calorie frozen meal, which will still put me more than 100 calories under today.
Burn goal at the gym is at least 300, which is what I burned yesterday. I can probably do more if I stick to the treadmill for a full hour, which in itself should burn approximately 400+. Unfortunately, I can’t run. Sigh. My physical fitness level right now is such that I can jog-run on a treadmill for 3 minutes maximum before I need to slow down to a walking speed again, or risk passing out.
That’s another goal of mine. Increase my fitness level so that I can run at least 15 minutes at a stretch without having to pause. I’ll get there eventually, but I need to build up from speed-walking to jogging to running.
Right, gotta head off for now, more later tonight. Have a great day, ladies, and I hope you’re all feeling as amazing as I am right now =]
Stay beautiful, my darlings.
Love you all,
Vee xoxox
PS: If I do wind up sick again, I'm going to keep restricting this time. The roller coaster last time around was way too much and I refuse to fuck up and ever be over 190 again, now that I'm finally firmly in the 180s.
And ladies, I have succeeded in breaking it. I am in SUCH a good mood today it is ridiculous. I live for those ecstatic moments when you step on a scale and those lower-than-yesterday numbers pop up. It doesn’t matter what the rest of the day brings. As long as those numbers are lower, I can basically call it a “good day”. It sets up my mood for the rest of the day. If those numbers are higher, I will undoubtedly be mopey and depressed. If they’re lower, I’ll likely still be mopey and depressed, but maybe a little less so, and at least I’ll have that half-minute of supreme happiness to start the day with.
My scales this morning said 188.6lbs. I dropped 2.8lbs in 24 hours. I am unbelievably happy right now!
I’m psyched up to go to the gym again, even though my body is exhausted, I’ve got a headache, and my throat feels swollen. I plan to drink a load of water, so if it’s dehydration (I didn’t drink near as much as I should have yesterday), it should help. Although one of the guys I work with, has been working with someone who has Mumps, so there’s a chance he’s brought it in and given it to us all – at least two of us have the same symptoms right now. Swollen, sore throat, physically exhausted, couldn’t sleep last night because we felt SO HOT and kept tossing and turning. And that’s not like me. I am ALWAYS cold.
But I digress. 188.6! If I can lose a pound a day, I can reach my goal weight of 130… by the end of April. How amazing is that? I know it’s not likely that I will lose a pound a day, it’ll be up and down, but I can hope that it averages out. We’ll see I guess!
Anyway, I need to get some work done and try to stay awake, which is definitely going to be a challenge today. It’s a 400 day on ABC and I’m torn between restricting hard like I did yesterday, and giving myself some real food. I’ll have my broth for lunch, and see how I feel when I get home. If I’m super ravenous, I’ll have a 250 calorie frozen meal, which will still put me more than 100 calories under today.
Burn goal at the gym is at least 300, which is what I burned yesterday. I can probably do more if I stick to the treadmill for a full hour, which in itself should burn approximately 400+. Unfortunately, I can’t run. Sigh. My physical fitness level right now is such that I can jog-run on a treadmill for 3 minutes maximum before I need to slow down to a walking speed again, or risk passing out.
That’s another goal of mine. Increase my fitness level so that I can run at least 15 minutes at a stretch without having to pause. I’ll get there eventually, but I need to build up from speed-walking to jogging to running.
Right, gotta head off for now, more later tonight. Have a great day, ladies, and I hope you’re all feeling as amazing as I am right now =]
Stay beautiful, my darlings.
Love you all,
Vee xoxox
PS: If I do wind up sick again, I'm going to keep restricting this time. The roller coaster last time around was way too much and I refuse to fuck up and ever be over 190 again, now that I'm finally firmly in the 180s.
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
014: Back on the Bandwagon
It’s been a bad few days.
The past week or so, I’ve had a fairly bad flu, I haven’t felt this horrible in quite a long time. I haven’t been to work since last Wednesday, and still don’t feel up to par today. But, today I had to go back to work because to stay off any longer I would need a sick note from my doctor, and I can’t get into my doctor. Even to get antibiotics for my sinus infection, so I'm dosing up on decongestants to see if that will clear them out. Ugh.
I made the (probably stupid) decision to come off ABC for a few days to try to get past this. I’ve still been restricting and staying well under 700 calories a day, but I figured I needed to get some more nutrients than I have been. On the weekend I also went and bought some multivitamins, and some more calcium supplements, as I know I’ll need them to proceed with ABC and restricting – I already have a low immune system and I don’t want to wind up making myself sick again because I’m not getting vitamins and crap.
Anyway, I don’t know why I bothered. I woke up Wednesday morning at around 194lbs. After being horrifically sick on Wednesday, Thursday morning I woke up feeling exhausted and wonderfully weak and down to 191.5lbs, give or take a tenth or so. Then I managed to gain back a pound and a half over the weekend. At first I couldn’t understand why I had gained a little, when I’ve been eating under 700 calories a day. But then, on the other hand, I’ve been doing nothing but laying in bed feeling miserable for the past several days, so it’s probably the utter lack of activity that did it.
As of today I’m jumping back into ABC on Day 6 (a 200 day). I still feel like an absolute ball of shit, but if I’m not getting any better I don’t see the point in pulling away from ABC at all. I was going to restart the whole thing but I don’t want to have the 500 days right now. So the 200 day today is perfect. I have no food at all at work to eat, so I’ll be having nothing but green tea and water until I get home. And then I might have either part of a 300 calorie frozen meal, or a 200 calorie slimfast, and go to bed early.
Being so sick over the weekend, and my aunts being busy decorating, I didn’t get a chance to move the treadmill into my bedroom, so hopefully this coming weekend we’ll be able to. Either way, once I’m not sick, I’m going to start hitting the gym again, and to do some working out in my bedroom every night. I LOVE the burning feeling that those leg-lift crunches give me <3
In other news, my aunts are on the anti-diet right now. One got a referral for gastric bypass surgery yesterday and should get an appointment to meet with a surgeon in the main in the next month or so. My aunt figured out she needs to gain 16lbs to reach the target BMI of 50 to qualify. So all weekend they’ve been eating total crap, my aunt is eating WELL over 3,000 calories a day (After work last night she had at least 3,000 in a single sitting), trying to put on the weight by this Friday. Watching them devour total junk all the time makes me feel sick. And only strengthens my resolve.
I’m determined to lose my own weight before they do, and without any damned surgery to do it.
I have the willpower that they lack.
I miss that wonderful weak and shaky feeling. I’m hoping that now that I’m back on ABC I can get it back.
Keep chasing the dream!
Also, thanks for your comments and support. I truly appreciate it =]
Vee xx
The past week or so, I’ve had a fairly bad flu, I haven’t felt this horrible in quite a long time. I haven’t been to work since last Wednesday, and still don’t feel up to par today. But, today I had to go back to work because to stay off any longer I would need a sick note from my doctor, and I can’t get into my doctor. Even to get antibiotics for my sinus infection, so I'm dosing up on decongestants to see if that will clear them out. Ugh.
I made the (probably stupid) decision to come off ABC for a few days to try to get past this. I’ve still been restricting and staying well under 700 calories a day, but I figured I needed to get some more nutrients than I have been. On the weekend I also went and bought some multivitamins, and some more calcium supplements, as I know I’ll need them to proceed with ABC and restricting – I already have a low immune system and I don’t want to wind up making myself sick again because I’m not getting vitamins and crap.
Anyway, I don’t know why I bothered. I woke up Wednesday morning at around 194lbs. After being horrifically sick on Wednesday, Thursday morning I woke up feeling exhausted and wonderfully weak and down to 191.5lbs, give or take a tenth or so. Then I managed to gain back a pound and a half over the weekend. At first I couldn’t understand why I had gained a little, when I’ve been eating under 700 calories a day. But then, on the other hand, I’ve been doing nothing but laying in bed feeling miserable for the past several days, so it’s probably the utter lack of activity that did it.
As of today I’m jumping back into ABC on Day 6 (a 200 day). I still feel like an absolute ball of shit, but if I’m not getting any better I don’t see the point in pulling away from ABC at all. I was going to restart the whole thing but I don’t want to have the 500 days right now. So the 200 day today is perfect. I have no food at all at work to eat, so I’ll be having nothing but green tea and water until I get home. And then I might have either part of a 300 calorie frozen meal, or a 200 calorie slimfast, and go to bed early.
Being so sick over the weekend, and my aunts being busy decorating, I didn’t get a chance to move the treadmill into my bedroom, so hopefully this coming weekend we’ll be able to. Either way, once I’m not sick, I’m going to start hitting the gym again, and to do some working out in my bedroom every night. I LOVE the burning feeling that those leg-lift crunches give me <3
In other news, my aunts are on the anti-diet right now. One got a referral for gastric bypass surgery yesterday and should get an appointment to meet with a surgeon in the main in the next month or so. My aunt figured out she needs to gain 16lbs to reach the target BMI of 50 to qualify. So all weekend they’ve been eating total crap, my aunt is eating WELL over 3,000 calories a day (After work last night she had at least 3,000 in a single sitting), trying to put on the weight by this Friday. Watching them devour total junk all the time makes me feel sick. And only strengthens my resolve.
I’m determined to lose my own weight before they do, and without any damned surgery to do it.
I have the willpower that they lack.
I miss that wonderful weak and shaky feeling. I’m hoping that now that I’m back on ABC I can get it back.
Keep chasing the dream!
Also, thanks for your comments and support. I truly appreciate it =]
Vee xx
Thursday, 22 January 2009
009: A Day off from ABC
So, I am so sick right now it's fucking ridiculous. I feel worse today than I did yesterday. I slept maybe a total of two hours in ten to fifteen minutes stints last night. It was agonizing, beign SO tired and feeling SO ubershitty, but being completely and totally unable to get to sleep. I spent half of today in bed, still not sleeping, finally got up to go online and realized I didn't have the energy or will to find something to do. I went downstairs while a friend of ours came over, and that's about it.
I feel horrible.
Although, I DID wake up 191.6lbs - down 9.8lbs since when I started this journey, so yay.
I think I need to take a day or two off from ABC. I KNOW I'm not going to get over this flu or whatever it is unless I'm eating at least a little more than I have been. The worst part is, I'm not even hungry. I've had a pack of Roast Chicken Fridge Raiders, and two little Weight Watcher's cakes, so I've had just over around 300 calories today, and I'm not hungry. On a normal day, I would leave it at that.
My housemates are going for Chinese though, and I might get some fried rice. Comfort food to make me feel better and also a few extra nutrients to help boost my immune system. Which reminds me I forgot my Vitamin C this morning, not good.
I'll be back on ABC tomorrow or the day after, once this feels like it's starting to try to begin lifting, but right now I don't want to make myself sicker by eating nothing.
Stay stronger than me, beautiful ladies,
Vee xxx
I feel horrible.
Although, I DID wake up 191.6lbs - down 9.8lbs since when I started this journey, so yay.
I think I need to take a day or two off from ABC. I KNOW I'm not going to get over this flu or whatever it is unless I'm eating at least a little more than I have been. The worst part is, I'm not even hungry. I've had a pack of Roast Chicken Fridge Raiders, and two little Weight Watcher's cakes, so I've had just over around 300 calories today, and I'm not hungry. On a normal day, I would leave it at that.
My housemates are going for Chinese though, and I might get some fried rice. Comfort food to make me feel better and also a few extra nutrients to help boost my immune system. Which reminds me I forgot my Vitamin C this morning, not good.
I'll be back on ABC tomorrow or the day after, once this feels like it's starting to try to begin lifting, but right now I don't want to make myself sicker by eating nothing.
Stay stronger than me, beautiful ladies,
Vee xxx
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
008.2: Cutting Through Just Like Champagne Petals
I can’t concentrate on anything. I’ve literally been sat here staring at nothing for a while. I have three more pieces of work to do and I might blitz them out of the way and drop them later so I can chill for a while this afternoon, and it still looks like I’ve done work steadily all afternoon.
I hate being sick. My energy reserves are tenuous at the best of times, and right now I feel entirely wiped. And, if possible, I feel worse now than when I woke up this morning. My throat hurts all the time now, instead of just while moving, talking, swallowing or god forbid yawning. I can feel the swollen gland on the left side throbbing constantly. My inner ear canals are sore and they itch, and the itching is driving me crazy. I’m starting to feel sick just from the mucous in my nose and possibly chest. My green tea is giving me heartburn. Well no, it’s not really the green tea, but the water in our drink machines always gives me acid for some reason. Don’t ask, because I have no idea how either.
The good side to all of this is that I’m nowhere near hungry. The thought of eating doesn’t make my mouth water and my stomach tingle in anticipation as it once would have. Right now, the thought of eating revolts me. The lady next to me at work has just opened a cheese and onion sandwich, and the smell of it is making me feel nauseous. My head is spinning. I feel tremendously horrible.
All I want to do right now is go home, run a steaming hot bath and lay in it for an hour, and then go straight to bed. Unfortunately, I know this isn’t going to happen.
I ran into my manager when she was coming out of the bathroom at the end of our wing and she asked how I was doing, then immediately frowned and said “Not good huh?” So I told her about the sinuses and the horrificness and the glands. (incidentally: Glandular is an awesome word) She told me if it’s still bad tomorrow to go to the doctor. So at least I know she’s understanding if I do wind up calling in sick tomorrow. I really don’t want to, but we’ll see how tonight goes, how I feel when my alarm wakes me at 7 tomorrow morning.
Once again though, I’d rather wait until after I’ve had my review to go off sick. Or not go off sick at all.
I might need to see my doctor anyway, though. I called for a repeat prescription of my BCP, and the receptionist woman told me it’s not on my repeat prescription list. She said the doctor had taken it off but hadn’t left any notes. So she’s requested it, but I have to wait until it goes to my doctor to be printed and signed to see whether or not I can get it. She said the doctor might need to see me – I know they’re supposed to be monitoring my blood pressure while I’m on this pill, and the last time my doctor took my blood pressure was probably over a year ago. So I have to wait for the doctor to call to set up an appointment, or pick up the prescription on Friday. Or, get someone else to, since I’m supposed to be working 8:30-5 on Friday. I gave the receptionist my mobile number, since the number they have on file for me is my grandmother’s home number, and I haven’t lived there in eight months. Granny would pass on the note but I’d rather just talk to them myself instead of messing around and having to call back to try to get an appointment that is less than three weeks from now. I only have a week and a half’s worth of pills left.
Sorry, I’m just rambling on and on and on, but I felt like I needed to do something other than sit and stare at a blank computer screen for an hour.
I hate being sick. My energy reserves are tenuous at the best of times, and right now I feel entirely wiped. And, if possible, I feel worse now than when I woke up this morning. My throat hurts all the time now, instead of just while moving, talking, swallowing or god forbid yawning. I can feel the swollen gland on the left side throbbing constantly. My inner ear canals are sore and they itch, and the itching is driving me crazy. I’m starting to feel sick just from the mucous in my nose and possibly chest. My green tea is giving me heartburn. Well no, it’s not really the green tea, but the water in our drink machines always gives me acid for some reason. Don’t ask, because I have no idea how either.
The good side to all of this is that I’m nowhere near hungry. The thought of eating doesn’t make my mouth water and my stomach tingle in anticipation as it once would have. Right now, the thought of eating revolts me. The lady next to me at work has just opened a cheese and onion sandwich, and the smell of it is making me feel nauseous. My head is spinning. I feel tremendously horrible.
All I want to do right now is go home, run a steaming hot bath and lay in it for an hour, and then go straight to bed. Unfortunately, I know this isn’t going to happen.
I ran into my manager when she was coming out of the bathroom at the end of our wing and she asked how I was doing, then immediately frowned and said “Not good huh?” So I told her about the sinuses and the horrificness and the glands. (incidentally: Glandular is an awesome word) She told me if it’s still bad tomorrow to go to the doctor. So at least I know she’s understanding if I do wind up calling in sick tomorrow. I really don’t want to, but we’ll see how tonight goes, how I feel when my alarm wakes me at 7 tomorrow morning.
Once again though, I’d rather wait until after I’ve had my review to go off sick. Or not go off sick at all.
I might need to see my doctor anyway, though. I called for a repeat prescription of my BCP, and the receptionist woman told me it’s not on my repeat prescription list. She said the doctor had taken it off but hadn’t left any notes. So she’s requested it, but I have to wait until it goes to my doctor to be printed and signed to see whether or not I can get it. She said the doctor might need to see me – I know they’re supposed to be monitoring my blood pressure while I’m on this pill, and the last time my doctor took my blood pressure was probably over a year ago. So I have to wait for the doctor to call to set up an appointment, or pick up the prescription on Friday. Or, get someone else to, since I’m supposed to be working 8:30-5 on Friday. I gave the receptionist my mobile number, since the number they have on file for me is my grandmother’s home number, and I haven’t lived there in eight months. Granny would pass on the note but I’d rather just talk to them myself instead of messing around and having to call back to try to get an appointment that is less than three weeks from now. I only have a week and a half’s worth of pills left.
Sorry, I’m just rambling on and on and on, but I felt like I needed to do something other than sit and stare at a blank computer screen for an hour.
008: Day 5 of ABC. Just as bad as yesterday
I feel like shit.
I managed my 400 day yesterday without too much of a problem, I went over by like 6 cals but I’m glad I managed to stay at the 400 mark.
I did some crunches, some leg lifts, some inverted crunches, and some leg-lift crunches (kind of hard to explain but you lift and move your legs to work your lower abs – they absolutely KILL me, because my fitness level is nonexistent) last night.
Unfortunately, I woke up this morning feeling super sick. I don’t really have nausea, but everything else is checked off the list. Sigh.
I ache all over, possibly in part to the working out. Everytime I cough my abs SCREAM in agony. I’ve had issues with my sinuses the past couple weeks but today they are EXPONENTIAL. I have a sinus headache and all my sinuses hurt and I can SMELL the infection, and I won’t go into the details about mucous and stuff but TRUST ME, it is not good. I keep coughing and have a buildup of phlegm. My ears feel clogged and swollen and achey, which I think is due to my glands.
Right now my glands are the worst part. They are so swollen that my entire neck aches. If I talk or yawn or swallow or even MOVE MY HEAD they hurt. So much.
All I want to do is go back to bed and sleep, but my year-end review is tomorrow afternoon, and I can’t afford time off right now. My last sick day was in Mid-November (before that it was like September ’07, over a year before, but that is seriously not the point), and I don’t want it to look bad at my review that I’ve had time off within a couple months of each other. I was sicker in November, but I used my holidays to cover those other two days so it doesn’t show as sickness on my record.
I’m still irritated with my fucking bus company. And tomorrow and Friday I have to walk to the bus stop (which will be a good 20 minutes, uphill, in the dark, on icy streets). On the one hand I was looking forward to it because hey, it’s extra working out! But right now I just feel so sick and horrible that I physically don’t know if I have the energy to walk from the car to my front door and up the stairs when I get home. Ugh, the worst part is, I need to wash my hair tonight. The last thing I need is to come into my review looking like a grunge, ew. Although to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t stand walking around with greased-up hair anyway. The worst part though, is that it takes me no less than an hour (every other night) to dry and straighten my hair. Stupid not-straight-but-not-curly frizzy hair.
But I digress. Right now I’m contemplating whether it’s worth it to walk to the bus stop, or if I should take another route. The other route will cost me probably twice as much to get to work, but it means I can use my usual bus stop. This morning there was another bus in front of my bus, that stops at my usual stop near my house, takes a detour, and then meets back up on MY bus’s route in town. If I take that to town I can catch my usual bus at the same stop and take that one to work.
Ugh I really don’t know what I want to do right now. Decisiveness is not my strong suit even when I’m perfectly healthy.
On another note, this weekend I’m moving a treadmill into my bedroom. My aunt bought it like two years ago, I think she’s used it like once. And since I moved in last May, it’s been gathering dust in their garage. And I figured out that I have just enough space to put it in my room, provided it’s folded up and just folded out while it’s in use. It’s going to make my room look tiny and like I have no space at all, but guess what – my room ALREADY looks tiny and like I have no space at all. So I might as well stick a workout medium up in there.
Not that I’m going to be using it if I still feel like this. I feel so weak, letting this cold-slash-infections get me down, but I haven’t felt THIS sick in a while. Ugh. Everything is so fuzzy, my head is so stuffed up it’s unbelievable. And my concentration is almost zilch today. I’m actually rather astonished that this isn’t written in three-year-old.
In other news, I dropped one pound since yesterday, so the ABC is working. Today is a 100 day and I thought I would be struggling and dying. But it’s just after 10am and I don’t feel hungry. I feel too horrific to want to put any food inside me. I actually feel like, if I do try to eat this fruit, I’ll just make myself violently sick. It’s not worth it to eat anything right now. YAY. Green tea, however, is fair game. Even if it is like seventy steps to get to the drinks machine for my hot water. Not that I’ve been counting or anything.
I need to get some dumbbells to do a little more work on my arms. My armflab is ridiculous. I have bingo-wings, yuck. That will simply not do. All these things require money. Money that I do not have. I might wait until I’ve put another couple hundred away for my Canada trip. Saying that, I’ve got £200 saved up (I’ve had to take out £250 to pay bills and fund Boxing Day Shopping Excursions), I’m getting just under £200 as a year-end bonus, which will all be put away, and can probably manage to put away another couple hundred out of my usual wages. So all in all, I shouldn’t be too bad. In total I want to save at least £1,500 before September, so if I can get up to £600 at the end of this month, I’ll be set.
I do, however, need to invest in some multivitamins. I’m thinking that might be one reason why this horrific sickness has come on, and literally overnight. I haven’t been taking any supplements (I even forgot to take my Calcium the other day, which is something I need with or without fasting/restricting), and I know I need to. So I’m going to buy some as soon as I get paid next week.
I’m seriously just rambling now so I’m going to go and try to actually get some work done.
Much love, my skinny bitches.
Counting the seconds until I can go home and go to bed,
Vee
xxx
I managed my 400 day yesterday without too much of a problem, I went over by like 6 cals but I’m glad I managed to stay at the 400 mark.
I did some crunches, some leg lifts, some inverted crunches, and some leg-lift crunches (kind of hard to explain but you lift and move your legs to work your lower abs – they absolutely KILL me, because my fitness level is nonexistent) last night.
Unfortunately, I woke up this morning feeling super sick. I don’t really have nausea, but everything else is checked off the list. Sigh.
I ache all over, possibly in part to the working out. Everytime I cough my abs SCREAM in agony. I’ve had issues with my sinuses the past couple weeks but today they are EXPONENTIAL. I have a sinus headache and all my sinuses hurt and I can SMELL the infection, and I won’t go into the details about mucous and stuff but TRUST ME, it is not good. I keep coughing and have a buildup of phlegm. My ears feel clogged and swollen and achey, which I think is due to my glands.
Right now my glands are the worst part. They are so swollen that my entire neck aches. If I talk or yawn or swallow or even MOVE MY HEAD they hurt. So much.
All I want to do is go back to bed and sleep, but my year-end review is tomorrow afternoon, and I can’t afford time off right now. My last sick day was in Mid-November (before that it was like September ’07, over a year before, but that is seriously not the point), and I don’t want it to look bad at my review that I’ve had time off within a couple months of each other. I was sicker in November, but I used my holidays to cover those other two days so it doesn’t show as sickness on my record.
I’m still irritated with my fucking bus company. And tomorrow and Friday I have to walk to the bus stop (which will be a good 20 minutes, uphill, in the dark, on icy streets). On the one hand I was looking forward to it because hey, it’s extra working out! But right now I just feel so sick and horrible that I physically don’t know if I have the energy to walk from the car to my front door and up the stairs when I get home. Ugh, the worst part is, I need to wash my hair tonight. The last thing I need is to come into my review looking like a grunge, ew. Although to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t stand walking around with greased-up hair anyway. The worst part though, is that it takes me no less than an hour (every other night) to dry and straighten my hair. Stupid not-straight-but-not-curly frizzy hair.
But I digress. Right now I’m contemplating whether it’s worth it to walk to the bus stop, or if I should take another route. The other route will cost me probably twice as much to get to work, but it means I can use my usual bus stop. This morning there was another bus in front of my bus, that stops at my usual stop near my house, takes a detour, and then meets back up on MY bus’s route in town. If I take that to town I can catch my usual bus at the same stop and take that one to work.
Ugh I really don’t know what I want to do right now. Decisiveness is not my strong suit even when I’m perfectly healthy.
On another note, this weekend I’m moving a treadmill into my bedroom. My aunt bought it like two years ago, I think she’s used it like once. And since I moved in last May, it’s been gathering dust in their garage. And I figured out that I have just enough space to put it in my room, provided it’s folded up and just folded out while it’s in use. It’s going to make my room look tiny and like I have no space at all, but guess what – my room ALREADY looks tiny and like I have no space at all. So I might as well stick a workout medium up in there.
Not that I’m going to be using it if I still feel like this. I feel so weak, letting this cold-slash-infections get me down, but I haven’t felt THIS sick in a while. Ugh. Everything is so fuzzy, my head is so stuffed up it’s unbelievable. And my concentration is almost zilch today. I’m actually rather astonished that this isn’t written in three-year-old.
In other news, I dropped one pound since yesterday, so the ABC is working. Today is a 100 day and I thought I would be struggling and dying. But it’s just after 10am and I don’t feel hungry. I feel too horrific to want to put any food inside me. I actually feel like, if I do try to eat this fruit, I’ll just make myself violently sick. It’s not worth it to eat anything right now. YAY. Green tea, however, is fair game. Even if it is like seventy steps to get to the drinks machine for my hot water. Not that I’ve been counting or anything.
I need to get some dumbbells to do a little more work on my arms. My armflab is ridiculous. I have bingo-wings, yuck. That will simply not do. All these things require money. Money that I do not have. I might wait until I’ve put another couple hundred away for my Canada trip. Saying that, I’ve got £200 saved up (I’ve had to take out £250 to pay bills and fund Boxing Day Shopping Excursions), I’m getting just under £200 as a year-end bonus, which will all be put away, and can probably manage to put away another couple hundred out of my usual wages. So all in all, I shouldn’t be too bad. In total I want to save at least £1,500 before September, so if I can get up to £600 at the end of this month, I’ll be set.
I do, however, need to invest in some multivitamins. I’m thinking that might be one reason why this horrific sickness has come on, and literally overnight. I haven’t been taking any supplements (I even forgot to take my Calcium the other day, which is something I need with or without fasting/restricting), and I know I need to. So I’m going to buy some as soon as I get paid next week.
I’m seriously just rambling now so I’m going to go and try to actually get some work done.
Much love, my skinny bitches.
Counting the seconds until I can go home and go to bed,
Vee
xxx
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