Just a quick update of sorts.
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been really stressed and busy, as we moved into our new house on Saturday. I spent ALL day on Friday packing (I've only lived in this country for 5 years where the FUCK did all this SHIT come from?? I have enough stuff to furnish a 3-bedroom house on my own, I swear to god), and I'm SO GLAD I took Friday off work. I wasn't going to bother, I thought I'd just leave work early at 4 and spend the night packing. But I packed from 10:30 in the morning and didn't finish until around 8 in the evening. And then I still had a couple things to finish up before we actually moved on Saturday morning.
The house right now is a shambles. Most of the stuff has been moved into the new house, there are just a few things at the old place still (like a couple bags of books, a plastic bag full of old handbags, another bag full of my Film Cell collection (I say collection, I think I have four film cells total so it's hardly a "collection" - for those who are interested, I have the Blade Trilogy, Silent Hill, The Nightmare Before Christmas (OMFGLOVE) and got a small coaster-size Edward Scissorhands one for Christmas. I NEED to get a Fight Club and Choke film cell too... and a Nightmare on Elm Street one would be FABULOUS but we'll see I guess). Our computers are still there but I'm bringing mine home tonight after work and my aunt's leaving hers there for if we need the internet for something until it's been switched to the new house. As of right now we have no interwebs at the new house at all, and AOL (I know, it's Satan's Spawn) said it'll be up to 20 days to get it switched over. Suckage.
SO my updates will be a little sporatic, and I probably won't get around to the Summer2009 challenge in time, but it'll get up there eventually.
So anyway. My bedroom, is bigger. The SPACE is amazing, even though I still have *counts* about 7 boxes in my room right now that need to be unpacked plus the gaming chair my aunt and I bought last year (which is fucking not staying in my room, we bought it to put in the living room, NOT to shove in my room, I don't have THAT much space!) Once the boxes are unpacked I need to bring my big solid wood chest up and I think that is all.
The best news? The treadmill is officially in my bedroom! And it JUST fits between the side of my wardrobe and the wall so I don't have to have it sticking out in the middle of the room. Thank god for inventing foldable exercise equipment. I haven't used it yet as things are so cluttered and I can't even unfold it at this point, but once the boxes are out of the way I'm planning to spend an hour a night on it. I'll have to start walking since my fitness levels are shit-tastic right now, but eventually I want to work my way up to jogging the entire time. I inspected it last night and it DOES have a calorie calculator and a pulse rate thingy in there too, which is something I didn't think it had, so huzzah for that.
Also, I "acquired" a couple Zumba DVDs since I've heard a lot of good things about it. Now that my computer isn't going to be in my bedroom I can't just play them on there and work out, so I think I'll have to burn a few DVDs to keep in my bedroom.
Which reminds me, I need to get a new TV. We're getting Sky installed in the next couple of weeks (for those of you in the US, Sky is like satellite/digital cable. Without it, we have literally only 5 channels, and even that's only with an antenna and if your reception area is amazing.) and I'm getting it setup in my room. And the TV I have right now is crap. It's got a tiny screen, and it's pretty old so it's an old CRT (damn my physics classes, everytime I see or hear or write CRT I flash back to high school when I learned what a Cathode Ray Tube is and how it works and electron firing blah blah. God it's so boring living in my head) and is therefore large and clunky and heavy for what it is. And the DVD player in it doesn't work. Last night while I was doing my hair, I was bored out of my mind. I'm used to reading something on the internet or watching TV/movie on my computer while doing my hair, but without the computer there was nothing to do. So I plugged the fucker in and grabbed one of my aunt's DVDs (yeah for some reason her box of DVDs is in my bedroom, don't ask why because I've no idea) and put it in. And I had to eject and put it back in eight times and blow into the drive a billion times before the bastarding thing would read the disk. SO NOT WORTH THE EFFORT
SO I'll probably just buy a smallish, cheapish flat-screen and have it mounted on my wall, and then get some shelves set up for my XBOX and Sky box and DVD player.
This moving thing is costing so much money, haha.
Bleh, also? This weekend has been hell because I have not slept more than maybe eight collective hours all weekend. I'm the type of person who needs dark and quiet in order to sleep. Once I'm out I can be a bit of a heavy sleeper, or I can be the lightest sleeper in the world, it entirely depends. But I can NOT get to sleep if there is any noise or light. I suffer from insomnia that gets worse at times, and then gets slightly better - but I honestly can not remember the last time I slept a full, straight, uninterrupted 8 hours and woke up feeling refreshed. I am ALWAYS tired.
Anyway I'm digressing.
While packing the last of the big furniture from my bedroom, our friend SR (I'm going to need to put a name legend on the sidebar) asked if we were taking the curtains. Keep in mind that the curtains in my room at the old house cost around £60. They fit my silvery decor, and were fully lined and heavy so they did a damn good job of blocking out any outside light. I paid for them and my aunt is in the process of paying me back for them (along with the £240 carpet we had installed in my room last May). Anyway. My aunt said no, we're not taking the curtains, because she thinks my cat's caught it and pulled a few threads. Also she didn't want to take the curtains because then it would be obvious to outsiders nobody was living there, and the old house is in a neighbourhood where people slash tires knowing full well that people are in the house upstairs with the lights on, so you can imagine what empty houses are like. And there are still valuables in there.
At first, I didn't think of the whole "Light makes my face melt off!" situation. My aunt's sister in law made matching curtains for every room, so there are some nice curtains in my room already that match the wallpaper and carpet - which reminds me, why the fuck did I think the carpet was terra cotta? It's a neutral brown. It must have been reflecting the ghastly rose colour of the old wardrobes or something. BUT of course, after I finally managed to fall asleep, I was WIDE AWAKE at 5:15 in the morning when the sun was STREAMING in and shining full force on my bed. The curtains are made of a very light, gauzy fabric, like tulle or chiffon. They stop basically nothing whatsoever. Same deal this morning. BAD TIMES.
So I brought this up and my aunt said that while we can't take the old curtains yet, she'll find an old sheet or something to cover the window with to help me out in the meantime.
What else?
Oh yeah, this morning my aunt also mentioned we'd have to move my bed away from the wall. Right now it's pressed against the corner so that the head end of my bed is pressed against the wall between my room and my aunts' room, and she said when I turn over the bed is somehow making a banging sound against the wall. So she said to move it down. Except I have no headboard so I can't, if I move the bed my pillows fall off the end - at the old house I had to move my mattress back up flush with the wall EVERY night otherwise my feather pillow was swallowed up in the chasm. SO I have to find somewhere else to put the bed, which is a pain. Possibly just turning it so the side of the bed is a couple inches from the wall and the head is against the outside wall.
Sorry, I'm just thinking out loud at this point.
Ok now I need to bitch. Big time.
Last weekend I went shopping with my good friend S (it's her birthday on Friday, she's turning 19, and this makes me feel very old because jesus, am I REALLY four years older than her?!?!?!) and I bought two pairs of really nice sunglasses from River Island. This morning I wore my favourite pair (which are a pink plastic on the inside and black plastic on the ouside, and there's a flowery design on the sides where you can see the pink through and they're so nice and I love them) when I went to my orthodontist to have my teeth cleaned / any excess glue buffed off.
I'm sure you can already see where I'm going with this.
When I went in and sat next to my grandfather, I clipped the sunglasses onto the strap on my bag. I was called through, had my teeth cleaned, came back out and grabbed my bag from my grandpa and we left. As he passed me the bag I looked at the sunglasses and thought "I need to move those off the strap or I'll lose them" and then put away my appointment card...
Shit, hang on, I just remembered something, I need to call the office again. I'm such a fucking retard.
Nope, no dice.
Anyway. I walked down the stairs, through the X-Ray Reception (which is right inside the front doors, Orthodontics is upstairs) and outside. Once I was outside I realized shit, no sunglasses. So I dropped my bag and jacket next to my grandfather and literally ran back inside and upstairs, checking the floor and stairs on the way. When I got back to the reception I asked the people sitting around where we had been sat if they'd seen them, asked reception if they'd been handed in, nothing. Checked under the chairs and everything. In the sixty seconds it took me to walk downstairs and outside, they completely disappeared.
IE: someone fucking took them and refused to speak up when I asked where they had gone. Thieving fucking bitches.
Just now, I thought I'd figured it out. When I asked reception if they'd been handed in she said "No, dear, but you can go back and see if you dropped them by the hygienist's area earlier?" and I said no, because I hadn't taken my bag in with me when I went in. BUT, when I came out the hygienist forgot to give me my appointment card and for the life of me I can't remember if I had my bag when I went back to get the appointment card before leaving. So just now I called the office and asked if they'd been found but no such luck. =[
Again. Thieving fucking bitches.
So, I'm not happy. I'm tired and I lost the £17 sunglasses I've had for all of nine fucking days. Sure, it could be worse, it could have been a more expensive pair of designer sunglasses, but god damn it, I don't care.
Anyway I should get some work done. This is pretty long =/
Oh on that note I have no idea what I weigh because my scale was not deemed Priority to be brought across this weekend. And I kind of don't want to know. Last time I checked I was back to 198 and this weekend, although it's been hectic with the moving, I had a bacon sandwich on Saturday after moving (it was the only thing we had in the house, granny was cooking for us movers, and I was RAVENOUS after moving shit all morning) and an ice cream cone yesterday so things are probably bad. I Could cry right now even though I don't KNOW.
My official weigh-in day will be this Friday. And good or bad I will post it. Because I report to YOU guys. It kind of helps me stay on track, you know? Like, I feel ashamed if I'm reporting bad news to you, so I have to struggle to have only good to say. That hasn't been the case lately, which is why I avoided the scale for a while I think. But avoiding the issue doesn't make it better, it just makes me in denial. So I need to weigh in and get on with this shit.
GOOD NEWS: J got her date through for the surgery - June 10th. She started her yogurt-and-milk diet yesterday. Which means NO MORE FUCKING FAST FOOD which means it should now be easier for me to get back into restricting too. Yay!
Besides. If she's doing this diet, people can't tell me off for not eating enough, can they? Her surgeon even SAID "normal people can do this diet to lose weight, too" although he did say they should have slimfast instead of just milk, and shouldn't do it EVERY day. Still.
I must remember to buy a load of yogurts. I could easily live off a yogurt for lunch and a yogurt for dinner, and that's only 200 calories combined. So it could totally be worse.
I'm looking forward to it =]
And the money I save will help pay for the TV I need lol.
Later, lovemonkeys!
Vee xoxox
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Monday, 1 June 2009
Thursday, 30 April 2009
Failure
It's not what you think, I promise. I've been really good all this week and I tell you what, I am damn proud of myself right now.
Monday, I had nothing but a handful of Doritos.
Tuesday I had nothing but some Braised Lettuce and two smoothies (damn you, fruit-filled awesomeness)
Wednesday I had some sushi at lunch and nothing else.
Today I've had a yogurt for breakfast and will probably make braised lettuce again tonight, if I have the energy after work and hitting up Tesco.
So, yay. So far this week I'm down 4lbs. Monday morning I was 198, and this morning I am 194, so I'm down another 0.6 from yesterday. Which could be better, but I'll take it over a gain any fucking day.
The failure in question, is the saltwater flush.
For those of you who don't know, it's essentially a way to cleanse your digestive system and get rid of all the "crap" up in there. Pun not intended, but funny nonetheless.
What you need is 1 litre (4 cups) of warm water, and 2 teaspoons of sea salt. Do not use iodized table salt because it will not work, and will probably just be absorbed by your body and cause severe water retention and bloating!
You drink it down as fast as you can, and in anywhere from 15mins to 3 hours you will... how to put this delicately. Experience a strong "urge" and "expel" the contents of your... entire bowels, I guess.
My friend K gave me a helpful hint: if you add some lemon juice to the water, it helps with the taste. It's still uber salty but not as horrifyingly so. So, that's what I did.
I drank it down in two 500ml glasses of saltwater-and-lemon-juice, and chugged that shit down. And it was horrible. I like fairly salty food so it probably wasn't as bad for me as it is for some others, but it was still horrible having to down a litre of water all at once. My stomach didn't want to take it, and I felt a bit sick for a while.
So I sat and waited for the magic to happen.
And it didn't. I was not happy.
I woke up this morning not feeling really bloated, but very dehydrated. I think the salt water had pulled the water out of my system (can we say "seeking a state of homeostasis through osmosis" anyone? God, I'm such a fucking science nerd) and since I did not drink enough to begin with yesterday during the day, and then had nothing else to drink after said salty water, I woke up feeling a little hungover today.
Which is another fun trivia fact. One of the primary causes for the feeling of being hungover after you've had a lot to drink, is due to dehydration. Alcohol is a diruetic and dehydrates you, which in turn makes your body very fucking unhappy.
I'm just full of random bs today. In my defense, I just spent the last half hour compiling some Science questions for a quiz we're doing at work in about an hour, so I've got my brainiac head on. Luckily it doesn't happen often =P
Fuck. One of the chicks in my team is going on maternity leave after today, and for her last day she's just emailed us all to say she's brought some food in for everyone.
But anyway. That is all. I'm just irritated that the saltwater flush didn't work, so I'm going to have to endure it again in a couple of days. Rockin' (not).
I'll write more later, I've got to get some work done.
As always, thanks for your comments ladies, you all rock hardcore.
Love you!
Vee xox
Monday, I had nothing but a handful of Doritos.
Tuesday I had nothing but some Braised Lettuce and two smoothies (damn you, fruit-filled awesomeness)
Wednesday I had some sushi at lunch and nothing else.
Today I've had a yogurt for breakfast and will probably make braised lettuce again tonight, if I have the energy after work and hitting up Tesco.
So, yay. So far this week I'm down 4lbs. Monday morning I was 198, and this morning I am 194, so I'm down another 0.6 from yesterday. Which could be better, but I'll take it over a gain any fucking day.
The failure in question, is the saltwater flush.
For those of you who don't know, it's essentially a way to cleanse your digestive system and get rid of all the "crap" up in there. Pun not intended, but funny nonetheless.
What you need is 1 litre (4 cups) of warm water, and 2 teaspoons of sea salt. Do not use iodized table salt because it will not work, and will probably just be absorbed by your body and cause severe water retention and bloating!
You drink it down as fast as you can, and in anywhere from 15mins to 3 hours you will... how to put this delicately. Experience a strong "urge" and "expel" the contents of your... entire bowels, I guess.
My friend K gave me a helpful hint: if you add some lemon juice to the water, it helps with the taste. It's still uber salty but not as horrifyingly so. So, that's what I did.
I drank it down in two 500ml glasses of saltwater-and-lemon-juice, and chugged that shit down. And it was horrible. I like fairly salty food so it probably wasn't as bad for me as it is for some others, but it was still horrible having to down a litre of water all at once. My stomach didn't want to take it, and I felt a bit sick for a while.
So I sat and waited for the magic to happen.
And it didn't. I was not happy.
I woke up this morning not feeling really bloated, but very dehydrated. I think the salt water had pulled the water out of my system (can we say "seeking a state of homeostasis through osmosis" anyone? God, I'm such a fucking science nerd) and since I did not drink enough to begin with yesterday during the day, and then had nothing else to drink after said salty water, I woke up feeling a little hungover today.
Which is another fun trivia fact. One of the primary causes for the feeling of being hungover after you've had a lot to drink, is due to dehydration. Alcohol is a diruetic and dehydrates you, which in turn makes your body very fucking unhappy.
I'm just full of random bs today. In my defense, I just spent the last half hour compiling some Science questions for a quiz we're doing at work in about an hour, so I've got my brainiac head on. Luckily it doesn't happen often =P
Fuck. One of the chicks in my team is going on maternity leave after today, and for her last day she's just emailed us all to say she's brought some food in for everyone.
But anyway. That is all. I'm just irritated that the saltwater flush didn't work, so I'm going to have to endure it again in a couple of days. Rockin' (not).
I'll write more later, I've got to get some work done.
As always, thanks for your comments ladies, you all rock hardcore.
Love you!
Vee xox
Wednesday, 29 April 2009
The Good, The Bad, and the Downright Fucking Ugly
The Good: I lost today!
The Bad: It was only 0.4lbs =/
The Downright Fucking Ugly: Me. My huge ass, my thighs, my huge stomach, my flabby EVERYTHING. Ugh.
So, the smoothies really fucked me up. The Braised Lettuce I had last night was really really good and low-calorie, so I can't blame it on that. I didn't think the smoothies would be so bad until I thought to myself that the smoothies are pure fruit. So it's like gorging on a huge fruit bowl, but without being full halfway through because it's so condensed. I am not happy with myself.
Yes, I know that a loss is a loss and that I should be happy. Instead, I'm pissed off with myself. I don't feel like I've earned the sushi that I bought for today, I don't deserve it. But I'm going to have some of it anyway because it's dated today and I can not afford to waste money right now - I spent £4. Which may not sound like much, but that's nearly half of what it costs me to get to work in a week. That money could have bought me half a pan eyeshadow from MAC instead. Or paid toward my taxi fare when I meet up with a friend in a couple of weeks for dinner and drinks for my birthday. Sigh.
So yeah, my euphoria is long gone. Today is Sushi. Maybe braised lettuce at home but I'm not banking on it. Tomorrow is going to be a fast day, and I'm going to do my saltwater flush when I get home from work.
Oh, and apparently with this whole Swine Flu pandemic apparently it's kinda rife in Mexico and people aren't supposed to go there. People at work just now were telling me "it should be okay by December when you go, but if not it'll probably be cancelled."
I better damn well get my fucking money back if it is. I've already paid a £170 deposit, and the total balance of £1,300 needs to be paid by September. If shit isn't sorted out, I want my money back. I'll spend it in Canada instead. Grr.
That's all for now, I'll write more later.
Vee xox
The Bad: It was only 0.4lbs =/
The Downright Fucking Ugly: Me. My huge ass, my thighs, my huge stomach, my flabby EVERYTHING. Ugh.
So, the smoothies really fucked me up. The Braised Lettuce I had last night was really really good and low-calorie, so I can't blame it on that. I didn't think the smoothies would be so bad until I thought to myself that the smoothies are pure fruit. So it's like gorging on a huge fruit bowl, but without being full halfway through because it's so condensed. I am not happy with myself.
Yes, I know that a loss is a loss and that I should be happy. Instead, I'm pissed off with myself. I don't feel like I've earned the sushi that I bought for today, I don't deserve it. But I'm going to have some of it anyway because it's dated today and I can not afford to waste money right now - I spent £4. Which may not sound like much, but that's nearly half of what it costs me to get to work in a week. That money could have bought me half a pan eyeshadow from MAC instead. Or paid toward my taxi fare when I meet up with a friend in a couple of weeks for dinner and drinks for my birthday. Sigh.
So yeah, my euphoria is long gone. Today is Sushi. Maybe braised lettuce at home but I'm not banking on it. Tomorrow is going to be a fast day, and I'm going to do my saltwater flush when I get home from work.
Oh, and apparently with this whole Swine Flu pandemic apparently it's kinda rife in Mexico and people aren't supposed to go there. People at work just now were telling me "it should be okay by December when you go, but if not it'll probably be cancelled."
I better damn well get my fucking money back if it is. I've already paid a £170 deposit, and the total balance of £1,300 needs to be paid by September. If shit isn't sorted out, I want my money back. I'll spend it in Canada instead. Grr.
That's all for now, I'll write more later.
Vee xox
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
My Aglets Are Falling Apart
NOTE: THIS FUCKING THING IS FUCKING ME OFF. IT JUST DELETED HALF MY GOD DAMN POST AND KEEPS DECIDING TO INVENT HTML TAGS WHERE NONE EXIST. FUCK OFF, BLOGGER!
Just a random observation. On my Black-and-Pink Vans Skatershoes, I have a tendency to tie the laces into a normal, boring bow and then, because the laces are ridiculously long, I shove the ends of the bows down the sides of the shoes under/beside the "tongue" and shove the Aglets into the top lace-hole-things to keep them out of the way. This morning when I got to work I retied my shoes and realized the aglets are starting to show mucho wear and if they keep it up I won't be able to shove them in there anymore. But at least they won't be too hard to shove into the shoes with the bows for fear of stepping on them.
Aglets, by the way, are the hard, plastic-coated tips at the end of your shoelaces.
But anyway I'm digressing.
I had the most wonderful start to the morning. And by that I do not mean the "waking up feeling like a zombie with a headache". I got my wish.
On Sunday morning when I woke up I weighed 198lbs. I purposely didn't weigh myself yesterday because after my aunt's enforced Beef Casserole, I was too scared. (On a sidenote, I need to figure out how many calories are in the casserole because it's driving me crazy. I had three canned new potatoes, a scoop or two of the casserole - which really just translates to four chunks of stewing beef with some carrots and onions and a packet sauce-gravy-stuff - and a serving of butter-roasted yams. Sigh. That was the worst part. And I fucking love yams/sweet potatoes). Anyway I doubt I lost anything between Sunday morning and yesterday morning.
Yesterday my plan was to eat nothing and I ALMOST succeeded. All day at work (and I was at work for a straight 10 hours, I might add) all I had was water, some vitamins, and a few cups of strawberry tea with Splenda. When I got home, I chatted to a friend of mine, and that's when I caved - and had a handful of cheese Doritos. Not too many so I'm going to guess maybe 100 calories worth, which in the grand scheme of thing isn't much. So I'm not chalking yesterday up to an overall failure, it could have been MUCH, much worse.
So this morning I woke up and said to myself "I want to be 195" but doubted it would happen. 3lbs in a day is a bit of a stretch even considering I had eaten nearly nothing the day before. But I stepped on the scale and - drumroll please? - 195.0lbs. I was 195 EXACTLY, and that totally set me up for a good day. Booya!
I'm going to try for more of the same today. I'm limiting myself to a maximum of 100 calories, but am going to aim for nothing. At work I've got my water, vitamins, and strawberry tea - and when I get home, if I really feel the need, I'll have a cup-a-soup or a nonfat yogurt, which will keep my total at or below 100 calories.
The best part of this is that I'm not even hungry. If I ate anything right now I know it would just be for the sake of it, and that's no reason to indulge. Eat when you're hungry, and I'm not. Which is awesome.
I'm feeling really positive again. Seeing the numbers drop so quickly really affirms that I CAN DO THIS, I'm not a failure. Yes, I slipped up in the midst of a sickening depression, but I can fix that, and I can keep going. My goal is to try to drop 4 Stone (or around 56lbs) in 5 months. So I'm only aiming for a loss of around 10lbs per month which I think is doable, providing I stick to my guns and don't let weakness consume me. I mean hell, I'm already down 3lbs today, right?
And once again, I'm really looking forward to my aunts going away. On the one hand, I get lonely and like to be around people, but on the other hand I'm actually a pretty solitary person. And it's SO much easier doing this when people aren't hovering over you and asking what you've eaten today. It makes me fantasize about having my own apartment downtown, and just being on my own and not having to deal with the bullshit of other people. I can come home and have a sliced apple with cinnamon and splenda for dinner after work and nobody can say a god damn thing.
The problem is, I really can't afford to live on my own. Not at least until January, at LEAST. I make a halfway decent amount of money, but I also like to spend it. I'm going to Canada in September and Cancun in December and, if I had to pay rent for an apartment plus bills on top, there's no way I would be able to afford that. AND to be able to spend a couple hundred a month on makeup and clothes AND still have savings. I'm accustomed to having money spare, and moving out on my own will make me essentially broke. All the time.
It's not so bad though I guess. To be perfectly honest, once my aunts have their Gastric Bypass surgeries this summer, I don't think they will have any right to tell me off for not eating anything. I've said it before and I stand by it: weight loss surgery is a self-inflicted and enforced eating disorder. It's just forcing them to eat teeny tiny amounts, which in turn makes them lose weight. How is that any different from what we do? (but, minus the will power). I can't wait for them to have the surgery, seriously.
Also, thanks to you guys who have shown interest in the ED-Foodblog! I'm really excited about it. As you've probably seen I've already put together a rather large list of less than 50kcal and 50>100kcal foods. The next order of business is to start getting recipes together. I've already got one, which my fabulously amazing friend and partner-in-crime K has sent to me... which will be added to the blog once it decides to actually appear in my email inbox. I'll be searching the internet and some cookbooks for some, but as always I'd be more than grateful if you decided to send me your favourites =] (On that note, don't worry if you don't have the exact calorie or nutritional details. There's a "recipe analyzer" on http://www.caloriecount.about.com/ that lets you work it out. So if you don't have the info, just send me the recipe and I'll figure out the calories from it =])
Mucho Love,
Vee xox
Just a random observation. On my Black-and-Pink Vans Skatershoes, I have a tendency to tie the laces into a normal, boring bow and then, because the laces are ridiculously long, I shove the ends of the bows down the sides of the shoes under/beside the "tongue" and shove the Aglets into the top lace-hole-things to keep them out of the way. This morning when I got to work I retied my shoes and realized the aglets are starting to show mucho wear and if they keep it up I won't be able to shove them in there anymore. But at least they won't be too hard to shove into the shoes with the bows for fear of stepping on them.
Aglets, by the way, are the hard, plastic-coated tips at the end of your shoelaces.
But anyway I'm digressing.
I had the most wonderful start to the morning. And by that I do not mean the "waking up feeling like a zombie with a headache". I got my wish.
On Sunday morning when I woke up I weighed 198lbs. I purposely didn't weigh myself yesterday because after my aunt's enforced Beef Casserole, I was too scared. (On a sidenote, I need to figure out how many calories are in the casserole because it's driving me crazy. I had three canned new potatoes, a scoop or two of the casserole - which really just translates to four chunks of stewing beef with some carrots and onions and a packet sauce-gravy-stuff - and a serving of butter-roasted yams. Sigh. That was the worst part. And I fucking love yams/sweet potatoes). Anyway I doubt I lost anything between Sunday morning and yesterday morning.
Yesterday my plan was to eat nothing and I ALMOST succeeded. All day at work (and I was at work for a straight 10 hours, I might add) all I had was water, some vitamins, and a few cups of strawberry tea with Splenda. When I got home, I chatted to a friend of mine, and that's when I caved - and had a handful of cheese Doritos. Not too many so I'm going to guess maybe 100 calories worth, which in the grand scheme of thing isn't much. So I'm not chalking yesterday up to an overall failure, it could have been MUCH, much worse.
So this morning I woke up and said to myself "I want to be 195" but doubted it would happen. 3lbs in a day is a bit of a stretch even considering I had eaten nearly nothing the day before. But I stepped on the scale and - drumroll please? - 195.0lbs. I was 195 EXACTLY, and that totally set me up for a good day. Booya!
I'm going to try for more of the same today. I'm limiting myself to a maximum of 100 calories, but am going to aim for nothing. At work I've got my water, vitamins, and strawberry tea - and when I get home, if I really feel the need, I'll have a cup-a-soup or a nonfat yogurt, which will keep my total at or below 100 calories.
The best part of this is that I'm not even hungry. If I ate anything right now I know it would just be for the sake of it, and that's no reason to indulge. Eat when you're hungry, and I'm not. Which is awesome.
I'm feeling really positive again. Seeing the numbers drop so quickly really affirms that I CAN DO THIS, I'm not a failure. Yes, I slipped up in the midst of a sickening depression, but I can fix that, and I can keep going. My goal is to try to drop 4 Stone (or around 56lbs) in 5 months. So I'm only aiming for a loss of around 10lbs per month which I think is doable, providing I stick to my guns and don't let weakness consume me. I mean hell, I'm already down 3lbs today, right?
And once again, I'm really looking forward to my aunts going away. On the one hand, I get lonely and like to be around people, but on the other hand I'm actually a pretty solitary person. And it's SO much easier doing this when people aren't hovering over you and asking what you've eaten today. It makes me fantasize about having my own apartment downtown, and just being on my own and not having to deal with the bullshit of other people. I can come home and have a sliced apple with cinnamon and splenda for dinner after work and nobody can say a god damn thing.
The problem is, I really can't afford to live on my own. Not at least until January, at LEAST. I make a halfway decent amount of money, but I also like to spend it. I'm going to Canada in September and Cancun in December and, if I had to pay rent for an apartment plus bills on top, there's no way I would be able to afford that. AND to be able to spend a couple hundred a month on makeup and clothes AND still have savings. I'm accustomed to having money spare, and moving out on my own will make me essentially broke. All the time.
It's not so bad though I guess. To be perfectly honest, once my aunts have their Gastric Bypass surgeries this summer, I don't think they will have any right to tell me off for not eating anything. I've said it before and I stand by it: weight loss surgery is a self-inflicted and enforced eating disorder. It's just forcing them to eat teeny tiny amounts, which in turn makes them lose weight. How is that any different from what we do? (but, minus the will power). I can't wait for them to have the surgery, seriously.
Also, thanks to you guys who have shown interest in the ED-Foodblog! I'm really excited about it. As you've probably seen I've already put together a rather large list of less than 50kcal and 50>100kcal foods. The next order of business is to start getting recipes together. I've already got one, which my fabulously amazing friend and partner-in-crime K has sent to me... which will be added to the blog once it decides to actually appear in my email inbox. I'll be searching the internet and some cookbooks for some, but as always I'd be more than grateful if you decided to send me your favourites =] (On that note, don't worry if you don't have the exact calorie or nutritional details. There's a "recipe analyzer" on http://www.caloriecount.about.com/ that lets you work it out. So if you don't have the info, just send me the recipe and I'll figure out the calories from it =])
Mucho Love,
Vee xox
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
008: Day 5 of ABC. Just as bad as yesterday
I feel like shit.
I managed my 400 day yesterday without too much of a problem, I went over by like 6 cals but I’m glad I managed to stay at the 400 mark.
I did some crunches, some leg lifts, some inverted crunches, and some leg-lift crunches (kind of hard to explain but you lift and move your legs to work your lower abs – they absolutely KILL me, because my fitness level is nonexistent) last night.
Unfortunately, I woke up this morning feeling super sick. I don’t really have nausea, but everything else is checked off the list. Sigh.
I ache all over, possibly in part to the working out. Everytime I cough my abs SCREAM in agony. I’ve had issues with my sinuses the past couple weeks but today they are EXPONENTIAL. I have a sinus headache and all my sinuses hurt and I can SMELL the infection, and I won’t go into the details about mucous and stuff but TRUST ME, it is not good. I keep coughing and have a buildup of phlegm. My ears feel clogged and swollen and achey, which I think is due to my glands.
Right now my glands are the worst part. They are so swollen that my entire neck aches. If I talk or yawn or swallow or even MOVE MY HEAD they hurt. So much.
All I want to do is go back to bed and sleep, but my year-end review is tomorrow afternoon, and I can’t afford time off right now. My last sick day was in Mid-November (before that it was like September ’07, over a year before, but that is seriously not the point), and I don’t want it to look bad at my review that I’ve had time off within a couple months of each other. I was sicker in November, but I used my holidays to cover those other two days so it doesn’t show as sickness on my record.
I’m still irritated with my fucking bus company. And tomorrow and Friday I have to walk to the bus stop (which will be a good 20 minutes, uphill, in the dark, on icy streets). On the one hand I was looking forward to it because hey, it’s extra working out! But right now I just feel so sick and horrible that I physically don’t know if I have the energy to walk from the car to my front door and up the stairs when I get home. Ugh, the worst part is, I need to wash my hair tonight. The last thing I need is to come into my review looking like a grunge, ew. Although to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t stand walking around with greased-up hair anyway. The worst part though, is that it takes me no less than an hour (every other night) to dry and straighten my hair. Stupid not-straight-but-not-curly frizzy hair.
But I digress. Right now I’m contemplating whether it’s worth it to walk to the bus stop, or if I should take another route. The other route will cost me probably twice as much to get to work, but it means I can use my usual bus stop. This morning there was another bus in front of my bus, that stops at my usual stop near my house, takes a detour, and then meets back up on MY bus’s route in town. If I take that to town I can catch my usual bus at the same stop and take that one to work.
Ugh I really don’t know what I want to do right now. Decisiveness is not my strong suit even when I’m perfectly healthy.
On another note, this weekend I’m moving a treadmill into my bedroom. My aunt bought it like two years ago, I think she’s used it like once. And since I moved in last May, it’s been gathering dust in their garage. And I figured out that I have just enough space to put it in my room, provided it’s folded up and just folded out while it’s in use. It’s going to make my room look tiny and like I have no space at all, but guess what – my room ALREADY looks tiny and like I have no space at all. So I might as well stick a workout medium up in there.
Not that I’m going to be using it if I still feel like this. I feel so weak, letting this cold-slash-infections get me down, but I haven’t felt THIS sick in a while. Ugh. Everything is so fuzzy, my head is so stuffed up it’s unbelievable. And my concentration is almost zilch today. I’m actually rather astonished that this isn’t written in three-year-old.
In other news, I dropped one pound since yesterday, so the ABC is working. Today is a 100 day and I thought I would be struggling and dying. But it’s just after 10am and I don’t feel hungry. I feel too horrific to want to put any food inside me. I actually feel like, if I do try to eat this fruit, I’ll just make myself violently sick. It’s not worth it to eat anything right now. YAY. Green tea, however, is fair game. Even if it is like seventy steps to get to the drinks machine for my hot water. Not that I’ve been counting or anything.
I need to get some dumbbells to do a little more work on my arms. My armflab is ridiculous. I have bingo-wings, yuck. That will simply not do. All these things require money. Money that I do not have. I might wait until I’ve put another couple hundred away for my Canada trip. Saying that, I’ve got £200 saved up (I’ve had to take out £250 to pay bills and fund Boxing Day Shopping Excursions), I’m getting just under £200 as a year-end bonus, which will all be put away, and can probably manage to put away another couple hundred out of my usual wages. So all in all, I shouldn’t be too bad. In total I want to save at least £1,500 before September, so if I can get up to £600 at the end of this month, I’ll be set.
I do, however, need to invest in some multivitamins. I’m thinking that might be one reason why this horrific sickness has come on, and literally overnight. I haven’t been taking any supplements (I even forgot to take my Calcium the other day, which is something I need with or without fasting/restricting), and I know I need to. So I’m going to buy some as soon as I get paid next week.
I’m seriously just rambling now so I’m going to go and try to actually get some work done.
Much love, my skinny bitches.
Counting the seconds until I can go home and go to bed,
Vee
xxx
I managed my 400 day yesterday without too much of a problem, I went over by like 6 cals but I’m glad I managed to stay at the 400 mark.
I did some crunches, some leg lifts, some inverted crunches, and some leg-lift crunches (kind of hard to explain but you lift and move your legs to work your lower abs – they absolutely KILL me, because my fitness level is nonexistent) last night.
Unfortunately, I woke up this morning feeling super sick. I don’t really have nausea, but everything else is checked off the list. Sigh.
I ache all over, possibly in part to the working out. Everytime I cough my abs SCREAM in agony. I’ve had issues with my sinuses the past couple weeks but today they are EXPONENTIAL. I have a sinus headache and all my sinuses hurt and I can SMELL the infection, and I won’t go into the details about mucous and stuff but TRUST ME, it is not good. I keep coughing and have a buildup of phlegm. My ears feel clogged and swollen and achey, which I think is due to my glands.
Right now my glands are the worst part. They are so swollen that my entire neck aches. If I talk or yawn or swallow or even MOVE MY HEAD they hurt. So much.
All I want to do is go back to bed and sleep, but my year-end review is tomorrow afternoon, and I can’t afford time off right now. My last sick day was in Mid-November (before that it was like September ’07, over a year before, but that is seriously not the point), and I don’t want it to look bad at my review that I’ve had time off within a couple months of each other. I was sicker in November, but I used my holidays to cover those other two days so it doesn’t show as sickness on my record.
I’m still irritated with my fucking bus company. And tomorrow and Friday I have to walk to the bus stop (which will be a good 20 minutes, uphill, in the dark, on icy streets). On the one hand I was looking forward to it because hey, it’s extra working out! But right now I just feel so sick and horrible that I physically don’t know if I have the energy to walk from the car to my front door and up the stairs when I get home. Ugh, the worst part is, I need to wash my hair tonight. The last thing I need is to come into my review looking like a grunge, ew. Although to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t stand walking around with greased-up hair anyway. The worst part though, is that it takes me no less than an hour (every other night) to dry and straighten my hair. Stupid not-straight-but-not-curly frizzy hair.
But I digress. Right now I’m contemplating whether it’s worth it to walk to the bus stop, or if I should take another route. The other route will cost me probably twice as much to get to work, but it means I can use my usual bus stop. This morning there was another bus in front of my bus, that stops at my usual stop near my house, takes a detour, and then meets back up on MY bus’s route in town. If I take that to town I can catch my usual bus at the same stop and take that one to work.
Ugh I really don’t know what I want to do right now. Decisiveness is not my strong suit even when I’m perfectly healthy.
On another note, this weekend I’m moving a treadmill into my bedroom. My aunt bought it like two years ago, I think she’s used it like once. And since I moved in last May, it’s been gathering dust in their garage. And I figured out that I have just enough space to put it in my room, provided it’s folded up and just folded out while it’s in use. It’s going to make my room look tiny and like I have no space at all, but guess what – my room ALREADY looks tiny and like I have no space at all. So I might as well stick a workout medium up in there.
Not that I’m going to be using it if I still feel like this. I feel so weak, letting this cold-slash-infections get me down, but I haven’t felt THIS sick in a while. Ugh. Everything is so fuzzy, my head is so stuffed up it’s unbelievable. And my concentration is almost zilch today. I’m actually rather astonished that this isn’t written in three-year-old.
In other news, I dropped one pound since yesterday, so the ABC is working. Today is a 100 day and I thought I would be struggling and dying. But it’s just after 10am and I don’t feel hungry. I feel too horrific to want to put any food inside me. I actually feel like, if I do try to eat this fruit, I’ll just make myself violently sick. It’s not worth it to eat anything right now. YAY. Green tea, however, is fair game. Even if it is like seventy steps to get to the drinks machine for my hot water. Not that I’ve been counting or anything.
I need to get some dumbbells to do a little more work on my arms. My armflab is ridiculous. I have bingo-wings, yuck. That will simply not do. All these things require money. Money that I do not have. I might wait until I’ve put another couple hundred away for my Canada trip. Saying that, I’ve got £200 saved up (I’ve had to take out £250 to pay bills and fund Boxing Day Shopping Excursions), I’m getting just under £200 as a year-end bonus, which will all be put away, and can probably manage to put away another couple hundred out of my usual wages. So all in all, I shouldn’t be too bad. In total I want to save at least £1,500 before September, so if I can get up to £600 at the end of this month, I’ll be set.
I do, however, need to invest in some multivitamins. I’m thinking that might be one reason why this horrific sickness has come on, and literally overnight. I haven’t been taking any supplements (I even forgot to take my Calcium the other day, which is something I need with or without fasting/restricting), and I know I need to. So I’m going to buy some as soon as I get paid next week.
I’m seriously just rambling now so I’m going to go and try to actually get some work done.
Much love, my skinny bitches.
Counting the seconds until I can go home and go to bed,
Vee
xxx
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
007: Day 4 of ABC. Also: the WORST DAY EVER
It is not even 10am yet, but already this is the worst day ever. Today could not have been a worse day had God himself decided to smite me in my sleep and I woke up this morning dead and decaying all over my beautiful bedding.
Last night, exhausted and bored, I went to bed around 9:30. Maybe the hunger was getting to me? Although to be perfectly honest, I didn’t actually feel hungry, I felt just fine. I was proud of the fact that I wasn’t hungry. But I was tired and went to bed early. I woke up, wiiide awake, convinced that it would of course only be a few minutes before my alarm was due to go off, because with me that is always the way. A glance at my phone, however, proved it was only 2:22 in the morning. Score! I could go back to sleep for a whole four and a half extra hours. Of course, I was WIDE awake and it took ages to fall back to sleep… Next thing I knew, I was 7:00, my alarm was going off and I had to get up. And now I was exhausted.
I got ready for work, gathering all the extra crap I needed. I even remembered to get my fruit salad, peach, and 10cal pot of jell-o (it’s not Jell-O brand because England doesn’t have Jell-O, but I feel weird calling the stuff “Jelly”) AND a spoon to eat it with! I was dropped off at my bus stop. And waited.
And waited.
Then I saw my bus up the street, about the turn onto the roundabout. I walked to the edge of the road to wait for it to come down. And it didn’t. It went straight across the roundabout. I was pissed. I went back and waited.
And waited.
And then I saw another bus. And once again, it went straight across the roundabout. By this time, I had been waiting at the bus stop for over half an hour. Everyone got on the next bus, after asking me what was up with my bus, and I said I had no idea. In the end I called the local Traveline, and asked the operator. She said they didn’t have anything on their system about the bus route being revised, and gave me the number to call my bus company’s office direct. So I did, and he told me that yes, it wasn’t coming down this way due to road works on the area where it comes back out onto the main road again. Wonderful. It would have been nice for someone to TELL US that. I told the man on the phone this and he said that there should have been notices on the bus.
Well I wouldn’t know would I? I’m not ON the fucking bus! I also told him that nobody I’d spoke to had seen any notices (and for the record, when I finally DID get on the bus? NO NOTICES)
So, fine, I decided to walk up to the next stop. Of course, since the bus was bypassing no fewer than six stops, the next available stop was a ways up the road, and up a hill. And let me make this clear to you all: I am wearing heels. Sometimes, I wear flat shoes or sneakers on the way to work and change into heels when I get there, but today, I figured I had a ride to the bus stop and I had a ride home at the end of the day, so I should be okay in the heels. However, the hill I had to walk up to get to the bus stop, it was covered in ice, and I nearly let my face hit the pavement about eighty times on the way. My leg muscles hurt from tensing up so much to try to keep my balance.
I was almost at the stop when TWO buses came in a row, but of course I could hardly run to catch them, not without breaking my face and/or ass. So I walked, and had to wait AGES for the next one to come. I didn’t get into work until nearly 9:30, a full two hours after I originally got to the bus stop, and more than an hour after I usually get into work (8:20 or thereabouts). NOT HAPPY.
And might I add that my fucking hairband is hurting my head and irritating the living hell right out of me.
Okay, now that that rant is over with, I’ll get back on topic. Sigh.
This morning, I weighed exactly 195.0lbs. Down 6.4lbs since last Wednesday yay!
Today I’ve already eaten my apple (cut into chunks and shaken in a sandwich bag with a teaspoon of splenda and some ground cinnamon), and I’m doing okay. I’ve also got:
A fruit salad: 30 raspberries and 30 blueberries: 53
One small peach: 31
One medium banana: 105
One medium orange: 62
One Jello cup: 10
Whatever I don’t eat at work today I’m going to take home and have with a 100kcal yogurt.
It’s Day 4 of ABC and that makes it a 400 calorie day. My total with all of the above comes to: 361
Which leaves me open for maybe a small salad with some nonfat vinaigrette or something later if I’m really hungry, and still under 400 calories.
So excited, this shouldn’t be a problem. That seems like a ton of fruit.
<3
Stay Beautiful, Ladies
Xxxxx
Vee x
PS, I’m also out of Splenda so have to wander up to Tesco at lunch to buy some. Ughh.
Last night, exhausted and bored, I went to bed around 9:30. Maybe the hunger was getting to me? Although to be perfectly honest, I didn’t actually feel hungry, I felt just fine. I was proud of the fact that I wasn’t hungry. But I was tired and went to bed early. I woke up, wiiide awake, convinced that it would of course only be a few minutes before my alarm was due to go off, because with me that is always the way. A glance at my phone, however, proved it was only 2:22 in the morning. Score! I could go back to sleep for a whole four and a half extra hours. Of course, I was WIDE awake and it took ages to fall back to sleep… Next thing I knew, I was 7:00, my alarm was going off and I had to get up. And now I was exhausted.
I got ready for work, gathering all the extra crap I needed. I even remembered to get my fruit salad, peach, and 10cal pot of jell-o (it’s not Jell-O brand because England doesn’t have Jell-O, but I feel weird calling the stuff “Jelly”) AND a spoon to eat it with! I was dropped off at my bus stop. And waited.
And waited.
Then I saw my bus up the street, about the turn onto the roundabout. I walked to the edge of the road to wait for it to come down. And it didn’t. It went straight across the roundabout. I was pissed. I went back and waited.
And waited.
And then I saw another bus. And once again, it went straight across the roundabout. By this time, I had been waiting at the bus stop for over half an hour. Everyone got on the next bus, after asking me what was up with my bus, and I said I had no idea. In the end I called the local Traveline, and asked the operator. She said they didn’t have anything on their system about the bus route being revised, and gave me the number to call my bus company’s office direct. So I did, and he told me that yes, it wasn’t coming down this way due to road works on the area where it comes back out onto the main road again. Wonderful. It would have been nice for someone to TELL US that. I told the man on the phone this and he said that there should have been notices on the bus.
Well I wouldn’t know would I? I’m not ON the fucking bus! I also told him that nobody I’d spoke to had seen any notices (and for the record, when I finally DID get on the bus? NO NOTICES)
So, fine, I decided to walk up to the next stop. Of course, since the bus was bypassing no fewer than six stops, the next available stop was a ways up the road, and up a hill. And let me make this clear to you all: I am wearing heels. Sometimes, I wear flat shoes or sneakers on the way to work and change into heels when I get there, but today, I figured I had a ride to the bus stop and I had a ride home at the end of the day, so I should be okay in the heels. However, the hill I had to walk up to get to the bus stop, it was covered in ice, and I nearly let my face hit the pavement about eighty times on the way. My leg muscles hurt from tensing up so much to try to keep my balance.
I was almost at the stop when TWO buses came in a row, but of course I could hardly run to catch them, not without breaking my face and/or ass. So I walked, and had to wait AGES for the next one to come. I didn’t get into work until nearly 9:30, a full two hours after I originally got to the bus stop, and more than an hour after I usually get into work (8:20 or thereabouts). NOT HAPPY.
And might I add that my fucking hairband is hurting my head and irritating the living hell right out of me.
Okay, now that that rant is over with, I’ll get back on topic. Sigh.
This morning, I weighed exactly 195.0lbs. Down 6.4lbs since last Wednesday yay!
Today I’ve already eaten my apple (cut into chunks and shaken in a sandwich bag with a teaspoon of splenda and some ground cinnamon), and I’m doing okay. I’ve also got:
A fruit salad: 30 raspberries and 30 blueberries: 53
One small peach: 31
One medium banana: 105
One medium orange: 62
One Jello cup: 10
Whatever I don’t eat at work today I’m going to take home and have with a 100kcal yogurt.
It’s Day 4 of ABC and that makes it a 400 calorie day. My total with all of the above comes to: 361
Which leaves me open for maybe a small salad with some nonfat vinaigrette or something later if I’m really hungry, and still under 400 calories.
So excited, this shouldn’t be a problem. That seems like a ton of fruit.
<3
Stay Beautiful, Ladies
Xxxxx
Vee x
PS, I’m also out of Splenda so have to wander up to Tesco at lunch to buy some. Ughh.
Thursday, 15 January 2009
002: The Calm *After* The Storm
Yesterday turned out to be a bad day. Things were going very swimmingly until I left work. I managed to get until 5pm on just the slimfast breakfast bar and half a slimfast shake. I was feeling great and was totally proud of myself. But when I stepped in the door last night, I was greeted by KFC. I didn’t even want it, but it was there, and my roommates had bought extra specifically so I could have some. One of my housemates is a relative as well, so it’s difficult to just say “oh hey thanks but no”. So I thought I’d have to push this back ANOTHER DAY. I was not happy. I said "my diet was supposed to start today" but they were like "It can wait one more day!" (They know I'm trying to lose weight, nothing beyond that)
I didn’t overeat or anything but I still felt sick. All day I was loving the hollow, empty feeling in my stomach, and then suddenly having a proper hot meal in there made me feel nauseous. It was even worse that I had a too-hot bath and once I lay down in the hot water, the feeling in my stomach just got worse for some reason. I have to admit I thought for a bit about purging, but I’m paranoid and obsessive about my teeth, so I didn’t. But I was still half-hoping the sick feeling in my stomach would do the job for me anyway.
I went to bed early last night because I was exhausted. I’m tired a lot, sometimes I wonder if I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or an under-functioning thyroid or something. I just have no energy 80% of the time. So I went to bed early, and slept straight through until my alarm went off. And I still feel like I haven’t slept at all.The good news though, is that even with the whole crap with the KFC yesterday (probably around 900 ADDITIONAL calories, ugh), I still dropped 1lb last night. So thank christ for that!
I discovered this ABC group on livejournal: http://community.livejournal.com/anabootcamp - and once I’ve adjusted to a much lower daily calorie intake, I’m going to try the 50 day ABC plan and see how that goes. It looks promising! I’ll keep you updated.
Okay onto today’s tally! I’ve just had breakfast, and it’s not yet 10 in the morning. I’m so tired!
Breakfast:
Two-thirds of a pot of 100cal fat-free yogurt: estimating 75cals as I dunno the exact portions
Two mini sausage rolls (131 cals each): 262cals (ugh)
Lunch:
Remaining half of yesterday’s Slim-fast shake: 106cals
Dinner:Weight Watcher’s Chicken Curry: 295cals
Snack: (potential)
Mini muffin: 125cals
If I stick to that plan AND have the muffin, my overall total is 863cals. That still feels so high. I really need to stock up on fruit so I won’t be tempted to snack on pastries that the people at work bring in.Anyway, I need to get some stuff done, so I’ll update later/tomorrow.
Vee
I didn’t overeat or anything but I still felt sick. All day I was loving the hollow, empty feeling in my stomach, and then suddenly having a proper hot meal in there made me feel nauseous. It was even worse that I had a too-hot bath and once I lay down in the hot water, the feeling in my stomach just got worse for some reason. I have to admit I thought for a bit about purging, but I’m paranoid and obsessive about my teeth, so I didn’t. But I was still half-hoping the sick feeling in my stomach would do the job for me anyway.
I went to bed early last night because I was exhausted. I’m tired a lot, sometimes I wonder if I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or an under-functioning thyroid or something. I just have no energy 80% of the time. So I went to bed early, and slept straight through until my alarm went off. And I still feel like I haven’t slept at all.The good news though, is that even with the whole crap with the KFC yesterday (probably around 900 ADDITIONAL calories, ugh), I still dropped 1lb last night. So thank christ for that!
I discovered this ABC group on livejournal: http://community.livejournal.com/anabootcamp - and once I’ve adjusted to a much lower daily calorie intake, I’m going to try the 50 day ABC plan and see how that goes. It looks promising! I’ll keep you updated.
Okay onto today’s tally! I’ve just had breakfast, and it’s not yet 10 in the morning. I’m so tired!
Breakfast:
Two-thirds of a pot of 100cal fat-free yogurt: estimating 75cals as I dunno the exact portions
Two mini sausage rolls (131 cals each): 262cals (ugh)
Lunch:
Remaining half of yesterday’s Slim-fast shake: 106cals
Dinner:Weight Watcher’s Chicken Curry: 295cals
Snack: (potential)
Mini muffin: 125cals
If I stick to that plan AND have the muffin, my overall total is 863cals. That still feels so high. I really need to stock up on fruit so I won’t be tempted to snack on pastries that the people at work bring in.Anyway, I need to get some stuff done, so I’ll update later/tomorrow.
Vee
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