Tuesday, 28 April 2009

My Aglets Are Falling Apart


Just a random observation. On my Black-and-Pink Vans Skatershoes, I have a tendency to tie the laces into a normal, boring bow and then, because the laces are ridiculously long, I shove the ends of the bows down the sides of the shoes under/beside the "tongue" and shove the Aglets into the top lace-hole-things to keep them out of the way. This morning when I got to work I retied my shoes and realized the aglets are starting to show mucho wear and if they keep it up I won't be able to shove them in there anymore. But at least they won't be too hard to shove into the shoes with the bows for fear of stepping on them.

Aglets, by the way, are the hard, plastic-coated tips at the end of your shoelaces.

But anyway I'm digressing.

I had the most wonderful start to the morning. And by that I do not mean the "waking up feeling like a zombie with a headache". I got my wish.

On Sunday morning when I woke up I weighed 198lbs. I purposely didn't weigh myself yesterday because after my aunt's enforced Beef Casserole, I was too scared. (On a sidenote, I need to figure out how many calories are in the casserole because it's driving me crazy. I had three canned new potatoes, a scoop or two of the casserole - which really just translates to four chunks of stewing beef with some carrots and onions and a packet sauce-gravy-stuff - and a serving of butter-roasted yams. Sigh. That was the worst part. And I fucking love yams/sweet potatoes). Anyway I doubt I lost anything between Sunday morning and yesterday morning.

Yesterday my plan was to eat nothing and I ALMOST succeeded. All day at work (and I was at work for a straight 10 hours, I might add) all I had was water, some vitamins, and a few cups of strawberry tea with Splenda. When I got home, I chatted to a friend of mine, and that's when I caved - and had a handful of cheese Doritos. Not too many so I'm going to guess maybe 100 calories worth, which in the grand scheme of thing isn't much. So I'm not chalking yesterday up to an overall failure, it could have been MUCH, much worse.

So this morning I woke up and said to myself "I want to be 195" but doubted it would happen. 3lbs in a day is a bit of a stretch even considering I had eaten nearly nothing the day before. But I stepped on the scale and - drumroll please? - 195.0lbs. I was 195 EXACTLY, and that totally set me up for a good day. Booya!

I'm going to try for more of the same today. I'm limiting myself to a maximum of 100 calories, but am going to aim for nothing. At work I've got my water, vitamins, and strawberry tea - and when I get home, if I really feel the need, I'll have a cup-a-soup or a nonfat yogurt, which will keep my total at or below 100 calories.

The best part of this is that I'm not even hungry. If I ate anything right now I know it would just be for the sake of it, and that's no reason to indulge. Eat when you're hungry, and I'm not. Which is awesome.

I'm feeling really positive again. Seeing the numbers drop so quickly really affirms that I CAN DO THIS, I'm not a failure. Yes, I slipped up in the midst of a sickening depression, but I can fix that, and I can keep going. My goal is to try to drop 4 Stone (or around 56lbs) in 5 months. So I'm only aiming for a loss of around 10lbs per month which I think is doable, providing I stick to my guns and don't let weakness consume me. I mean hell, I'm already down 3lbs today, right?

And once again, I'm really looking forward to my aunts going away. On the one hand, I get lonely and like to be around people, but on the other hand I'm actually a pretty solitary person. And it's SO much easier doing this when people aren't hovering over you and asking what you've eaten today. It makes me fantasize about having my own apartment downtown, and just being on my own and not having to deal with the bullshit of other people. I can come home and have a sliced apple with cinnamon and splenda for dinner after work and nobody can say a god damn thing.

The problem is, I really can't afford to live on my own. Not at least until January, at LEAST. I make a halfway decent amount of money, but I also like to spend it. I'm going to Canada in September and Cancun in December and, if I had to pay rent for an apartment plus bills on top, there's no way I would be able to afford that. AND to be able to spend a couple hundred a month on makeup and clothes AND still have savings. I'm accustomed to having money spare, and moving out on my own will make me essentially broke. All the time.

It's not so bad though I guess. To be perfectly honest, once my aunts have their Gastric Bypass surgeries this summer, I don't think they will have any right to tell me off for not eating anything. I've said it before and I stand by it: weight loss surgery is a self-inflicted and enforced eating disorder. It's just forcing them to eat teeny tiny amounts, which in turn makes them lose weight. How is that any different from what we do? (but, minus the will power). I can't wait for them to have the surgery, seriously.

Also, thanks to you guys who have shown interest in the ED-Foodblog! I'm really excited about it. As you've probably seen I've already put together a rather large list of less than 50kcal and 50>100kcal foods. The next order of business is to start getting recipes together. I've already got one, which my fabulously amazing friend and partner-in-crime K has sent to me... which will be added to the blog once it decides to actually appear in my email inbox. I'll be searching the internet and some cookbooks for some, but as always I'd be more than grateful if you decided to send me your favourites =] (On that note, don't worry if you don't have the exact calorie or nutritional details. There's a "recipe analyzer" on http://www.caloriecount.about.com/ that lets you work it out. So if you don't have the info, just send me the recipe and I'll figure out the calories from it =])

Mucho Love,
Vee xox


Jess said...

So where are you visiting in Canada?

Oh btw if you're looking for a site that will help you figure out calories in food, keep track of food and exercise I suggest www.livestrong.com - use The Daily Plate section. Really great site!

So your aunts really don't seem to care right now what they eat cuz of the surgery...do they ever worry that it will be hard for them to not have cravings after since they won't be able to eat/digest that crap anymore? Also I thought before the surgery doctors liked patients to eat healthy and actually try to lose like 10% of their body weight.

Vee said...

I'm visiting my hometown, Calgary AB. Haven't been back for a few years now so I'm really looking forward to it. Definitely going to need to work my ass off to stop myself from bingeing on all the yummy Canadian foods we don't have here >.<

I'll definitely check that site out. I've been looking for a second site to work in tandem with, since the caloriecount one is good but things can vary widely so an average is good =]

I honestly don't know. I've heard that, about making you lose weight on your own first... But I don't think they're making my aunts do it. I know that my aunts were told NOT to lose weight between their referral date and their appointment with the doctor, because in this city you have to have a BMI of 50 or over to qualify and if they were referred at 50 but dropped to 46 there's a chance the doctor would turn them away. Once they've had the first appointment I think the doctor just said it was okay... I don't know. My aunt was referred on medical grounds even though her BMI is just under 50 and was accepted due to risk of diabetes and all other kinds of stuff. So her doctor didn't tell her to lose any weight pre-surgery. Although I do know they have to go on a strict 2 pints of milk and some yogurt diet for 2 weeks before they actually have the surgery.

As for cravings, I don't know. The thing is, the surgery can be effectively "undone" if they keep eating the stuff they are now, because the stomach will just stretch out again. So I hope they stick to it. Apparently they can't eat sugary and greasy things anymore because it will supposedly make them sick, so that's probably what they're banking on to keep it working but like you said - cravings will still happen. I dunno, I Guess we'll see.

(this is the longest comment reply ever, haha)