Saturday, 25 April 2009

Feeling Demonic Harmonic in a No-Go-Zone

So... after being all annoyed this afternoon... I am in SUCH a good mood tonight. I feel euphoric and a little giddy. I actually did something constructive (an eye makeup tutorial that is currenly in a queue to upload to YouTube... yeah, I'm a beauty-blogger-video-maker, too). And I'm chatting to an old friend of mine from back home that I haven't seen since I was like 12 and finished elementary school. But it's nice and feels natural and we just clicked after we got back in touch over Facebook a few months ago. We're planning shopping sprees and partying together when I go back later in the year. It's all so amazing and I can't wait to go and do everything now!

Sigh. Right now, everything feels so easy. I'm happy and sad at the same time. Happy because.. well, it's just how I feel. I've got that natural-high feeling that you get after you've just successfully completed your first aerobics class and the endorphins have all kicked in, but without all the physical fatigue and achiness. But sad because I know this feeling won't last.

To be able to say right now "I am so happy!" is something of a miracle, because I never feel this way, and it feels weird to not feel empty nothingness inside me, or depression. I will admit that the way I feel right now is amazing, but it's still only a small glimmer in the dark depths of a black hole that I know will soon swoop in to consume me once again. But for now I'm reveling in the sensation. I've been depressed and down for so long I honestly couldn't remember what it felt like to feel anything positive at all. So I'm trying so hard to hang on to this feeling. Even though I know it will hurt worse once it finally passes.

So, there you go. I'm going to wash off my makeup and go to bed. And when I wake up, this feeling will probably be gone. But I wanted to share it with you while it was happening. Right now everything feels good and so easy. I have plans for the future for the first time in at least a couple of years. Something to really look forward to.

Now I need to figure out how to stop spending so much money on makeup and skincare products so I can AFFORD said shopping sprees and partying. It will not be easy. Sigh.

Goodnight darlings. I love you.

Also, I know I don't comment on your blogs a lot, but mostly it's just because I don't know what to say. Anything usually seems inadequate and just doesn't sum up what I feel about your posts and about you, you strange women I have never met or spoken to but feel such kinship with. But I do think of you and I do try to read all your blogs when I get the time to do so.

Stay beautiful, my pretties,
Vee xx

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