This weekend was made of fail. Mostly because it was made of migraines.
It started off okay - woke up Saturday morning 1.4lbs lighter than I had on Friday! Score! Went to the mall and a craft shop to pick up some things I needed, and managed to get my hands on two new Dean Koontz books. Double-Score!
But halfway through our trek through the mall, my head started pounding ominously. And it only got worse. I drank two bottles of fruit juice hoping it was dehydration or something, but no dice. So I got a small bag of crisps and had most of them, hoping the salty goodness would stave off the migraine if it was due to lack of food. Again, no dice.
By the time we got home I was nearly in tears. I had a little pasta to eat, still praying that carbs would do the job (although I ate pasta, I didn't go over much for the day, my total was around 600 with the crisps so it's not TOO bad). But I couldn't even finish eating because the headache was making me feel ridiculously sick - and my migraine pills weren't doing anything. So I lie in bed trying not to be sick - and all the while thinking how great it would be if my migraine DID make me sick, because no calories and technically it wasn't making myself sick - and took some more painkillers. By 9 at night the migraine had centred over... well, the entire right half of my head. But it wasn't as bad as it had been, so I went down to talk to my aunts for a while. But, it reared right back up as soon as I got out of bed, so I soon wandered back and stayed there for the night.
Around 6 yesterday morning, I woke up and my head was killing me still/again. I got up and took some more migraine pills, but immediately started feeling sick and had to take out my retainer so I could sit in the bathroom for 15 minutes and wait for the sick feeling to pass. It didn't, but I wound up getting a wash cloth and soaking it in very cold water, before going back to bed. In the end, I put the cloth - water and all - on one of my pillows, pressed my face into the pillow so the cold water was bathing the section over my brow that was throbbing the worst, and finally managed to fall asleep. BUT then around 11 my grandparents turned up and I had to get up and get dressed. More painkillers and two and a half hours later and I went back to bed until 5.
Last night it was finally starting to ease up, although it's still throbbing a bit in the same spot today. At least it's not a full on migraine.
In the end, even though I didn't go over calories yesterday, I still didn't lose any today. Sigh.
So total loss so far is 1.4lbs - which isn't TOO bad I suppose since it still averages to half a pound a day, right?
Oh yeah, and it was my mom's birthday yesterday and when I spoke to her on the phone in the evening she was depressed and in tears. My grandmother had forgot her own daughter's birthday, and nobody over there was acting like they gave half a shit. She had to go out and buy stuff to cook dinner for her husband and my brother. My stepdad went out to get her a card while I was on the phone with her. No presents.
Yeah, happy fucking birthday.
I hope you guys had a better weekend than I did =/
Vee xox
Showing posts with label Birthday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Birthday. Show all posts
Monday, 17 August 2009
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
A Moment of Strength
God, I'm so fucking upbeat and positive today that I kind of want to scream. Remember when I wrote ages ago about starvation = euphoria? It's still fucking true. I've missed this. It's an amazing feeling.
Just now I went to the little book stall set up outside my work's canteen, and picked up a birthday present for S - a dessert cookbook. And it cost me £4. Regular price? £20. Score! So I shall just need to get a card and wrap it up nicely and it's good to go. Although in retrospect we're now going to have to carry it around the mall on Saturday. Oh well =]
I also picked up a little Juice recipe book set. It's so cute, the box that the three little books are in is shaped like a mini juice/milk carton (That just made me think, do we have milk cartons over here? I know we have the bottles but I can't remember seeing any cardboard cartons. Trippy! Screw cartons, England needs to discover the good ol' Milk In A Bag that we had back in Canada, ehehe. Ok ok, I'm off topic already). The three books are for Vegetable juices, Fruit juices, and Smoothies respectively.
I figure this will be good because I've been wanting a juicer and to be able to do some juice-fasts every now and again, and the book will give me a little inspiration and I'll be able to try something new rather than eating and drinking the same boring shit every day. It'll be... interesting. The problem right now is that I don't actually HAVE a juicer. There's one on sale in the Morrison's near my new house that has one on sale for £9.98, and I was going to buy it, but then J said her sister in law gave them one ages ago and its in their garage. Which is ok but do I really want a juicer that's been sitting in their spider-infested garage for the past 2+ years? Probably not. I think I'll buy the juicer when I go shopping this weekend. And also make a mental note to buy some fruits and vegetables to try a couple of the juices out.
Honestly, I'm so excited about this. More than I should be, haha.
Jeez... I've posted SIX times already today? I have issues...
Moving on.
Like I said, the book stall was outside work's canteen. I went in to get a Pepsi Max, because I need something other than lukewarm-water-that-gives-me-heartburn to drink, and the drinks machine near where my desk is doesn't have a SINGLE diet beverage in it. And although that Lilt would have tasted amazing, it wasn't worth the 60 calories for a 500ml bottle.
Anyway, I was SO tempted to buy something to eat. First I looked at the yogurts, but I already had a yogurt at my desk. Then I looked at the fruit, but they looked like they were in a state of suspended decay. Then I looked at the sandwiches and so very very nearly picked up a cheese-and-pepperoni panini. And then I saw the mushroom stroganoff with rice, and a voice inside said "You did so well yesterday, having that for lunch today isn't going to kill you, you know" - but I fought it down and let that other voice take over instead. The one that was telling me "What's the point in doing so well yesterday to begin with if you're going to turn around and fuck it right up again on day two? Are you really so god damn weak that you can't handle two days in a row without stuffing yourself full of greasy food like the fat pig you don't want to be?"
I turned away, internally screaming at the voice that dared to tell me it was okay. Because it was not okay at all. I could do this, I wasn't even really hungry, I just wanted it because it was THERE and it would taste okay for the entire ten minutes it would take me to eat it. But then were would I be? So I smiled and I turned away and went to pay for my bottle of pop.
Then, I was interrupted when the lady from the security desk in reception turned to me and said hi. Told me I looked different, good-different with blonde hair and she didn't recognize me at first. She told me I looked "fab" and I wanted to hit her. I do not look fab. The last compliment she paid me was the last time I ran into her about a year ago, when she told me "My god, you've lost a load of weight, you look fantastic!" - which she couldn't say to me today because here I am, 30lbs heavier than I was back then.
Funny, isn't it? A compliment means nothing unless it's a comment about how much weight you've lost, how slim and skinny you look.
All the same, I'm still in a great mood. I came back to my desk and ate my yogurt and I can honestly, truly say that I feel full. I'm not just talking sated and not-hungry but actually full. Which just reinforces the fact that I don't actually, really, need to eat more. If I'd bought food from the canteen, I'd have eaten it just for the sake of it, I would have regretted it and felt like shit and gained weight. And I wasn't even hungry.
I love these moments. The times I make the right decisions. They seem way too few and far between, but when they happen I feel elated.
Haha ok I'm going to try not to write any more random posts today, lord knows I've already spammed up my followers' dashboard bloglist enough.
No posts tomorrow as I'm off work and the home internet isn't up yet. But I'll be thinking of you! xxx
Just now I went to the little book stall set up outside my work's canteen, and picked up a birthday present for S - a dessert cookbook. And it cost me £4. Regular price? £20. Score! So I shall just need to get a card and wrap it up nicely and it's good to go. Although in retrospect we're now going to have to carry it around the mall on Saturday. Oh well =]
I also picked up a little Juice recipe book set. It's so cute, the box that the three little books are in is shaped like a mini juice/milk carton (That just made me think, do we have milk cartons over here? I know we have the bottles but I can't remember seeing any cardboard cartons. Trippy! Screw cartons, England needs to discover the good ol' Milk In A Bag that we had back in Canada, ehehe. Ok ok, I'm off topic already). The three books are for Vegetable juices, Fruit juices, and Smoothies respectively.
I figure this will be good because I've been wanting a juicer and to be able to do some juice-fasts every now and again, and the book will give me a little inspiration and I'll be able to try something new rather than eating and drinking the same boring shit every day. It'll be... interesting. The problem right now is that I don't actually HAVE a juicer. There's one on sale in the Morrison's near my new house that has one on sale for £9.98, and I was going to buy it, but then J said her sister in law gave them one ages ago and its in their garage. Which is ok but do I really want a juicer that's been sitting in their spider-infested garage for the past 2+ years? Probably not. I think I'll buy the juicer when I go shopping this weekend. And also make a mental note to buy some fruits and vegetables to try a couple of the juices out.
Honestly, I'm so excited about this. More than I should be, haha.
Jeez... I've posted SIX times already today? I have issues...
Moving on.
Like I said, the book stall was outside work's canteen. I went in to get a Pepsi Max, because I need something other than lukewarm-water-that-gives-me-heartburn to drink, and the drinks machine near where my desk is doesn't have a SINGLE diet beverage in it. And although that Lilt would have tasted amazing, it wasn't worth the 60 calories for a 500ml bottle.
Anyway, I was SO tempted to buy something to eat. First I looked at the yogurts, but I already had a yogurt at my desk. Then I looked at the fruit, but they looked like they were in a state of suspended decay. Then I looked at the sandwiches and so very very nearly picked up a cheese-and-pepperoni panini. And then I saw the mushroom stroganoff with rice, and a voice inside said "You did so well yesterday, having that for lunch today isn't going to kill you, you know" - but I fought it down and let that other voice take over instead. The one that was telling me "What's the point in doing so well yesterday to begin with if you're going to turn around and fuck it right up again on day two? Are you really so god damn weak that you can't handle two days in a row without stuffing yourself full of greasy food like the fat pig you don't want to be?"
I turned away, internally screaming at the voice that dared to tell me it was okay. Because it was not okay at all. I could do this, I wasn't even really hungry, I just wanted it because it was THERE and it would taste okay for the entire ten minutes it would take me to eat it. But then were would I be? So I smiled and I turned away and went to pay for my bottle of pop.
Then, I was interrupted when the lady from the security desk in reception turned to me and said hi. Told me I looked different, good-different with blonde hair and she didn't recognize me at first. She told me I looked "fab" and I wanted to hit her. I do not look fab. The last compliment she paid me was the last time I ran into her about a year ago, when she told me "My god, you've lost a load of weight, you look fantastic!" - which she couldn't say to me today because here I am, 30lbs heavier than I was back then.
Funny, isn't it? A compliment means nothing unless it's a comment about how much weight you've lost, how slim and skinny you look.
All the same, I'm still in a great mood. I came back to my desk and ate my yogurt and I can honestly, truly say that I feel full. I'm not just talking sated and not-hungry but actually full. Which just reinforces the fact that I don't actually, really, need to eat more. If I'd bought food from the canteen, I'd have eaten it just for the sake of it, I would have regretted it and felt like shit and gained weight. And I wasn't even hungry.
I love these moments. The times I make the right decisions. They seem way too few and far between, but when they happen I feel elated.
Haha ok I'm going to try not to write any more random posts today, lord knows I've already spammed up my followers' dashboard bloglist enough.
No posts tomorrow as I'm off work and the home internet isn't up yet. But I'll be thinking of you! xxx
Confessional
So far, so good.
Last night I stuck to my guns and just had a 10 calorie chicken flavoured soup for dinner. Add two mugs of Dr Pepper Zero, and that was it last night. Added to the cereal-soymilk-yogurt at work and my daily total was 199 =]
So pleased with myself. Even moreso because my daily weigh in registered a drop of FIVE POUNDS since yesterday. Because of that, I'm feeling more comfortable admitting the current state of affairs. This morning I was 199.4lbs. I'm still in denial and can't bring myself to post the number that turned up yesterday, but I'm sure you can all do the simple math. And that is why I felt like a failure. I weighed MORE yesterday than I did when I started this blog.
But progress has been made and the big cut to my calorie intake seems to have done the job. I will readily admit that at least half of it is probably water weight, and some of the weigh in yesterday might have been water and bowel weight - but regardless of the reason for the numbers, the one that turned up yesterday was simply unacceptible.
Today I am planning more of the same. I've had my cereal, I've got another fat free yogurt for lunch, and I've got the 10-calorie soups in the cupboard at home. So all going according to plan today should be 199 calories again.
We may or may not be going to the cinema tonight. J wants to see the new Star Trek movie before she has her surgery (tomorrow) and my aunt said we'd go last night to get it in before the big surgery date. Of course, when I got home from work last night my aunt professed to being too tired and said we'd go tonight instead. J said she had a lot to do (getting all her things together for the hospital, and they're bringing the big TV from the old house tonight too) and wasn't sure we'd have time. Then my aunt was like "Well we don't have to go if you don't want to" and I really wanted to laugh. I wanted to say "J is the one that WANTS to go, you're the one making excuses not to" - especially since they just sat at home and watched tv until 11 anyway, so we might as well have gone to see the movie.
But, I'm digressing. All that is to say that we're planning to go to see it tonight, but then they're not sure it'll happen. We'll see.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I've got the day off work, and we're going with J to the hospital in the morning. She has to be there at 7. Ordinarily I would be near suicidal at that idea, because I am so desperately not a morning person. But since we moved into the new house my sleeping problems have grown more severe (fucking lack of decent curtains!!) so every day since we moved I've been awake between 5 and 5:30. So it's not really a big deal to have to leave around 6 tomorrow morning.
Then, I need to see if I can get my aunt to take me to the mall or to town or something because I need to pick up a couple things. It was my friend S's birthday last Friday and I'm going out with her on Saturday (shopping and planning our trip to Manchester next week and getting out free Starbucks and we're supposed to be lunching at Nandos, which is definitely going to be a challenge) so I need to pick up a card and a present. And I'm at a total loss. I've only known S since like October of last year, but she's quickly become one of my best friends (and I'm pretty sure she used to have an eating disorder because the last time we went out we were discussing diets and my aunts' surgery and she said "Just try the not-eating diet. I did that, and I used to weigh 6 stone until I met L (her boyfriend-now-fiancee)") But again, I'm digressing.
I'm not sure what to get for her. I know she's into Urban Decay makeup but I don't know what she already has and I don't want to buy her something she's already got. Ditto with cookbooks (specifically baking ones). So I might just buy her a leather wallet with butterflies on it that she saw when we went to River Island a couple of weeks ago. She'll probably expect it, because as she was agonizing over whether to get it or not I asked her then and there if she wanted me to get it for her birthday. But at least I know it's something she wants.
And then, I also need to get something for my grandmother. Christ, I can't remember if I blogged about this yesterday or if it was just in the email I sent S in the afternoon. Let me check, haha. Okay, no I didn't.
A couple of months ago I bought a few pairs of Rocket Dog flats. And I love them (I bought 2 each of 2 different styles, and the one style fit awesomely but the other style fits snug so I don't wear them often, even though they're nicer than the others). And, so does my grandmother. So I was going to get her a pair for cheap off of Ebay (where I got 3 of my 4 pairs from") for her birthday. They'd be perfect for summer, if we ever get a summer here.
Of course, then we moved, and I haven't had the internet for a week and a half. I was under the impression we'd have our broadband hooked up a couple of days after moving, but that's not the case. The old broadband was still hooked up, I think it's being disconnected today, and AOL said they couldn't hook theirs up until the old one was cut off. So, fun times. Anyway, now it's too late to order some in time for granny's birthday, since it's this Friday. So I'll probably get her a gift set from Lush or something.
I am queen of the cop-out gifts, it seems.
Anyway, I need to get some work done so I'll talk to you later.
Love you lots!
Vee xox
This is my new leaf. Watch me turn it over.
Last night I stuck to my guns and just had a 10 calorie chicken flavoured soup for dinner. Add two mugs of Dr Pepper Zero, and that was it last night. Added to the cereal-soymilk-yogurt at work and my daily total was 199 =]
So pleased with myself. Even moreso because my daily weigh in registered a drop of FIVE POUNDS since yesterday. Because of that, I'm feeling more comfortable admitting the current state of affairs. This morning I was 199.4lbs. I'm still in denial and can't bring myself to post the number that turned up yesterday, but I'm sure you can all do the simple math. And that is why I felt like a failure. I weighed MORE yesterday than I did when I started this blog.
But progress has been made and the big cut to my calorie intake seems to have done the job. I will readily admit that at least half of it is probably water weight, and some of the weigh in yesterday might have been water and bowel weight - but regardless of the reason for the numbers, the one that turned up yesterday was simply unacceptible.
Today I am planning more of the same. I've had my cereal, I've got another fat free yogurt for lunch, and I've got the 10-calorie soups in the cupboard at home. So all going according to plan today should be 199 calories again.
We may or may not be going to the cinema tonight. J wants to see the new Star Trek movie before she has her surgery (tomorrow) and my aunt said we'd go last night to get it in before the big surgery date. Of course, when I got home from work last night my aunt professed to being too tired and said we'd go tonight instead. J said she had a lot to do (getting all her things together for the hospital, and they're bringing the big TV from the old house tonight too) and wasn't sure we'd have time. Then my aunt was like "Well we don't have to go if you don't want to" and I really wanted to laugh. I wanted to say "J is the one that WANTS to go, you're the one making excuses not to" - especially since they just sat at home and watched tv until 11 anyway, so we might as well have gone to see the movie.
But, I'm digressing. All that is to say that we're planning to go to see it tonight, but then they're not sure it'll happen. We'll see.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I've got the day off work, and we're going with J to the hospital in the morning. She has to be there at 7. Ordinarily I would be near suicidal at that idea, because I am so desperately not a morning person. But since we moved into the new house my sleeping problems have grown more severe (fucking lack of decent curtains!!) so every day since we moved I've been awake between 5 and 5:30. So it's not really a big deal to have to leave around 6 tomorrow morning.
Then, I need to see if I can get my aunt to take me to the mall or to town or something because I need to pick up a couple things. It was my friend S's birthday last Friday and I'm going out with her on Saturday (shopping and planning our trip to Manchester next week and getting out free Starbucks and we're supposed to be lunching at Nandos, which is definitely going to be a challenge) so I need to pick up a card and a present. And I'm at a total loss. I've only known S since like October of last year, but she's quickly become one of my best friends (and I'm pretty sure she used to have an eating disorder because the last time we went out we were discussing diets and my aunts' surgery and she said "Just try the not-eating diet. I did that, and I used to weigh 6 stone until I met L (her boyfriend-now-fiancee)") But again, I'm digressing.
I'm not sure what to get for her. I know she's into Urban Decay makeup but I don't know what she already has and I don't want to buy her something she's already got. Ditto with cookbooks (specifically baking ones). So I might just buy her a leather wallet with butterflies on it that she saw when we went to River Island a couple of weeks ago. She'll probably expect it, because as she was agonizing over whether to get it or not I asked her then and there if she wanted me to get it for her birthday. But at least I know it's something she wants.
And then, I also need to get something for my grandmother. Christ, I can't remember if I blogged about this yesterday or if it was just in the email I sent S in the afternoon. Let me check, haha. Okay, no I didn't.
A couple of months ago I bought a few pairs of Rocket Dog flats. And I love them (I bought 2 each of 2 different styles, and the one style fit awesomely but the other style fits snug so I don't wear them often, even though they're nicer than the others). And, so does my grandmother. So I was going to get her a pair for cheap off of Ebay (where I got 3 of my 4 pairs from") for her birthday. They'd be perfect for summer, if we ever get a summer here.
Of course, then we moved, and I haven't had the internet for a week and a half. I was under the impression we'd have our broadband hooked up a couple of days after moving, but that's not the case. The old broadband was still hooked up, I think it's being disconnected today, and AOL said they couldn't hook theirs up until the old one was cut off. So, fun times. Anyway, now it's too late to order some in time for granny's birthday, since it's this Friday. So I'll probably get her a gift set from Lush or something.
I am queen of the cop-out gifts, it seems.
Anyway, I need to get some work done so I'll talk to you later.
Love you lots!
Vee xox
This is my new leaf. Watch me turn it over.
Wednesday, 13 May 2009
Happy B-Day x2
So today is my birthday. And also the day my braces were removed.
Well, I guess I should say YESTERDAY since it's just after midnight now but what the fuck ever.
I'll write more later but basically it's been a bad long weekend, sigh.
The braces are gone and the retainer is in place. And putting the retainer in and taking it out hurts like a mother. Hopfeully my teeth will stabilize soon and I won't want to cry everytime I touch the damned things.
Still, it's all been worth it and the teeth look better than I was expecting =] So glad I didn't bother with the teeth-removal-plus-extra-18-months-in-braces proposal. <3
Hope you're all okay. I'll try to remember to do a proper update tomorrow. If I have the energy. You'd think being off work this week I'd be sleeping BETTER than usual, but you would be wrong. Sigh.
Night darlings!
Vee xox
Well, I guess I should say YESTERDAY since it's just after midnight now but what the fuck ever.
I'll write more later but basically it's been a bad long weekend, sigh.
The braces are gone and the retainer is in place. And putting the retainer in and taking it out hurts like a mother. Hopfeully my teeth will stabilize soon and I won't want to cry everytime I touch the damned things.
Still, it's all been worth it and the teeth look better than I was expecting =] So glad I didn't bother with the teeth-removal-plus-extra-18-months-in-braces proposal. <3
Hope you're all okay. I'll try to remember to do a proper update tomorrow. If I have the energy. You'd think being off work this week I'd be sleeping BETTER than usual, but you would be wrong. Sigh.
Night darlings!
Vee xox
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Shit
Yep. Back up 1lb to 144.4
Not surprised, I fully expected it. But still disappointed.
The worst part? My aunts appear to have arranged for proper "family, sit-down" dinners all this week until they go away. Tonight's culprit is Shepherd's Pie. Nobody told me, hey, you need to be home by x time because that is when we will have dinner ready. So, I was kind of planning to do overtime until maybe 7, come home and be all, "oh well you didn't tell me I had to be home at a certain time" so I wouldn't have to eat WITH them at least.
But, I just got into work and there is almost no actual WORK to speak of. An assload of people came in on overtime over the long weekend and basically got through everything, especially the easy stuff. All that seems to be left to do involves calling people to find out what they want before we can do it, and I hate doing phone work. If I wanted to be on the phones all day I would have gotten a job at a fucking call-centre (not that any of them actually exist in the UK anymore).
So, there is no overtime, which means I'll more than likely have to leave at 5 because there just isn't enough work to keep me going beyond that, which means I'll be home while dinner is cooked and served and if I don't finish it all then by GOD there has to be something wrong!
They drive me crazy sometimes. If I'm not laughing and peppy and full of energy, there must of course be something wrong. Case in point: Sunday night.
First we were watching The Ruins on dvd, and my aunt talked through the ENTIRE THING. Now this almost always irritates me because I, for one, would like to watch the movie without a fucking commentary every thirty seconds. Sometimes she is so bad for this that I want to explode. A few months ago while we were watching episodes of season 1 of Lost, it got to the point where I wasn't even concentrating on the tv anymore because I couldn't even hear what was going on, and was instead counting my head the number of seconds between her TALKING.
The longest she lasted in silence? 42 fucking seconds. Through THREE EPISODES OF LOST.
So, Sunday night she was doing the same thing and I was trying very hard not to get annoyed. At one point I had my head cocked and was almost squinting at the screen in concentration to hear what the fuck was going on over her voice. And she looked at me and said "what's wrong?" and I said "I can't hear anything" and she ignored me and kept talking.
At the end, once again, she kept jabbering. It also annoys me when people are watching a movie and say "such and such is going to happen. I TOLD YOU! Didn't I?" Her partner is worse than she is for that (J has a tendency to "predict" what is going to happen and then be all "TOLD YA!" even if it's a movie WE HAVE SEEN BEFORE and I just want to scream out THANKS FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS, CAPTAIN RETARDO! YOU DID NOT "TELL ME" SHIT!" Obviously, I am a very mean, mean person with serious rage issues. Moving swiftly on) So of course my aunt is all "this is going to happen. I can see it. Just watch! AHA SEE I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I?!" and I just kind of ignored her. And because I wasn't giggling in awe of her AMAZING film-predicting talent (even though she herself admitted "it kind of sucks how so many movies are so damn predictable these days, huh?" and figuring out the end is not, therefore, a huge act of talent or skill) she turned and said, in an almost offended tone "what's wrong with you?!"
When she says that to me, and especially in that tone, I want to scream. My aunt suffers from severe depression and possible bipolar disorder. When she's down, she's quiet, bitchy, and sleeps like every single hour that she isn't at work. But it's OKAY for her to not be the sunny life of the party, and that is what pisses me off: something must be WRONG if I am quiet or tired or not laughing my ass off every single second of every single day. But she doesn't even ASK "is something the matter?" in a tone that sounds caring or halfway interested. No, I get an abrupt "what's wrong with you!?!?!" instead.
WELL GEE SINCE YOU ASKED SO NICELY...
I'm not saying that something is always bothering me, but sometimes there IS something and I'm not going to talk about my feelings to somebody who acts like that.
In this case, the something wrong could have been summed up by "If you're not going to watch the motherfucking movie, then tell me and I will go watch it on my computer instead so you can sit and talk yourself in peace, because I, for one, would actually like to hear what the fuck is going on."
But it's perfectly okay for her to shush other people. If J is talking my aunt will hush shush shush shutupplease her until she is quiet. God forbid if I did.
Incidentally, that time with Lost? I even told her "you know, the longest you went without talking was 42 seconds" and she just laughed it off and said she was bored because she'd seen it before. She was the one who wanted to rewatch them. Otherwise, again, I'd have just watched the episodes on my computer in peace and silence.
God, I'm turning into a ranty old asshole of a woman aren't I?
And obviously, every little thing can really piss me off. But yeah, I was super anoyed the other night and I can't help myself.
I forgot what else I was actually going to write about here, so I'll leave off with that for now and write more as and when I can think of something else. In the meantime, I need to try to scrounge up some work to do =/.
Much love ladies, and I hope you're all having a better start to the week than I am. Four "family" meals together, and I'm home free for nearly two weeks. Bring it on.
Also, this time next week I will be sitting in my orthodontist's office and waiting for my braces to come off. Fuck yeah! I will also, however, be old. Fucking birthdays.
Starve on,
Vee xox
Not surprised, I fully expected it. But still disappointed.
The worst part? My aunts appear to have arranged for proper "family, sit-down" dinners all this week until they go away. Tonight's culprit is Shepherd's Pie. Nobody told me, hey, you need to be home by x time because that is when we will have dinner ready. So, I was kind of planning to do overtime until maybe 7, come home and be all, "oh well you didn't tell me I had to be home at a certain time" so I wouldn't have to eat WITH them at least.
But, I just got into work and there is almost no actual WORK to speak of. An assload of people came in on overtime over the long weekend and basically got through everything, especially the easy stuff. All that seems to be left to do involves calling people to find out what they want before we can do it, and I hate doing phone work. If I wanted to be on the phones all day I would have gotten a job at a fucking call-centre (not that any of them actually exist in the UK anymore).
So, there is no overtime, which means I'll more than likely have to leave at 5 because there just isn't enough work to keep me going beyond that, which means I'll be home while dinner is cooked and served and if I don't finish it all then by GOD there has to be something wrong!
They drive me crazy sometimes. If I'm not laughing and peppy and full of energy, there must of course be something wrong. Case in point: Sunday night.
First we were watching The Ruins on dvd, and my aunt talked through the ENTIRE THING. Now this almost always irritates me because I, for one, would like to watch the movie without a fucking commentary every thirty seconds. Sometimes she is so bad for this that I want to explode. A few months ago while we were watching episodes of season 1 of Lost, it got to the point where I wasn't even concentrating on the tv anymore because I couldn't even hear what was going on, and was instead counting my head the number of seconds between her TALKING.
The longest she lasted in silence? 42 fucking seconds. Through THREE EPISODES OF LOST.
So, Sunday night she was doing the same thing and I was trying very hard not to get annoyed. At one point I had my head cocked and was almost squinting at the screen in concentration to hear what the fuck was going on over her voice. And she looked at me and said "what's wrong?" and I said "I can't hear anything" and she ignored me and kept talking.
At the end, once again, she kept jabbering. It also annoys me when people are watching a movie and say "such and such is going to happen. I TOLD YOU! Didn't I?" Her partner is worse than she is for that (J has a tendency to "predict" what is going to happen and then be all "TOLD YA!" even if it's a movie WE HAVE SEEN BEFORE and I just want to scream out THANKS FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS, CAPTAIN RETARDO! YOU DID NOT "TELL ME" SHIT!" Obviously, I am a very mean, mean person with serious rage issues. Moving swiftly on) So of course my aunt is all "this is going to happen. I can see it. Just watch! AHA SEE I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I?!" and I just kind of ignored her. And because I wasn't giggling in awe of her AMAZING film-predicting talent (even though she herself admitted "it kind of sucks how so many movies are so damn predictable these days, huh?" and figuring out the end is not, therefore, a huge act of talent or skill) she turned and said, in an almost offended tone "what's wrong with you?!"
When she says that to me, and especially in that tone, I want to scream. My aunt suffers from severe depression and possible bipolar disorder. When she's down, she's quiet, bitchy, and sleeps like every single hour that she isn't at work. But it's OKAY for her to not be the sunny life of the party, and that is what pisses me off: something must be WRONG if I am quiet or tired or not laughing my ass off every single second of every single day. But she doesn't even ASK "is something the matter?" in a tone that sounds caring or halfway interested. No, I get an abrupt "what's wrong with you!?!?!" instead.
WELL GEE SINCE YOU ASKED SO NICELY...
I'm not saying that something is always bothering me, but sometimes there IS something and I'm not going to talk about my feelings to somebody who acts like that.
In this case, the something wrong could have been summed up by "If you're not going to watch the motherfucking movie, then tell me and I will go watch it on my computer instead so you can sit and talk yourself in peace, because I, for one, would actually like to hear what the fuck is going on."
But it's perfectly okay for her to shush other people. If J is talking my aunt will hush shush shush shutupplease her until she is quiet. God forbid if I did.
Incidentally, that time with Lost? I even told her "you know, the longest you went without talking was 42 seconds" and she just laughed it off and said she was bored because she'd seen it before. She was the one who wanted to rewatch them. Otherwise, again, I'd have just watched the episodes on my computer in peace and silence.
God, I'm turning into a ranty old asshole of a woman aren't I?
And obviously, every little thing can really piss me off. But yeah, I was super anoyed the other night and I can't help myself.
I forgot what else I was actually going to write about here, so I'll leave off with that for now and write more as and when I can think of something else. In the meantime, I need to try to scrounge up some work to do =/.
Much love ladies, and I hope you're all having a better start to the week than I am. Four "family" meals together, and I'm home free for nearly two weeks. Bring it on.
Also, this time next week I will be sitting in my orthodontist's office and waiting for my braces to come off. Fuck yeah! I will also, however, be old. Fucking birthdays.
Starve on,
Vee xox
Monday, 27 April 2009
I Want To Break Free
I guess. How much easier all of this would be if I lived on my own. I am literally counting the hours until my aunts have their weight-loss surgery. No more will I have to come home to "So, we ordered pizza" or open the freezer to get out a low-cal frozen meal and be rebuffed with "We're making beef casserole, it's in the oven."
I hate how nobody consults me before they start planning group meals. My aunts KNOW full well I'm trying to lose weight. I've told them numerous times not to bother phoning me and asking if I want anything picking up from McDonald's or ask if I want anything while they're at the fish-and-chip shop. Because no, I do not, and I really do not need the temptation either. Yes, it's an amazing feeling to be able to say no. But I could really do without the option to begin with.
So right now, I'm very much looking forward to next month, when my aunts will be away for two weeks. I've got a couple of meals I'm going to have to endure (I think my grandparents want to go to dinner or lunch with me for my birthday. I'm also supposed to be going out for Thai and cocktails with a good friend of mine the weekend after my birthday, and she wants to come over to my house the day before to bake some goodies. The only downside of which is that I don't have my aunts there to pawn it off too but my neighbour and her kids always appreciate my baking) but aside from that I'm completely free for those two weeks. I'll be able to eat (or rather, NOT eat) what I want. The first week I'm off work, and have those few "engagements" for birthday "fun", and the second week I'll be at work.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to it, to be free of any pressure and to just do what I want to do.
I hope the rest of you are doing okay.
Stay beautiful,
Vee xox
I hate how nobody consults me before they start planning group meals. My aunts KNOW full well I'm trying to lose weight. I've told them numerous times not to bother phoning me and asking if I want anything picking up from McDonald's or ask if I want anything while they're at the fish-and-chip shop. Because no, I do not, and I really do not need the temptation either. Yes, it's an amazing feeling to be able to say no. But I could really do without the option to begin with.
So right now, I'm very much looking forward to next month, when my aunts will be away for two weeks. I've got a couple of meals I'm going to have to endure (I think my grandparents want to go to dinner or lunch with me for my birthday. I'm also supposed to be going out for Thai and cocktails with a good friend of mine the weekend after my birthday, and she wants to come over to my house the day before to bake some goodies. The only downside of which is that I don't have my aunts there to pawn it off too but my neighbour and her kids always appreciate my baking) but aside from that I'm completely free for those two weeks. I'll be able to eat (or rather, NOT eat) what I want. The first week I'm off work, and have those few "engagements" for birthday "fun", and the second week I'll be at work.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to it, to be free of any pressure and to just do what I want to do.
I hope the rest of you are doing okay.
Stay beautiful,
Vee xox
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