Sunday, 26 July 2009

Progress, Baby!

So, I haven't had a chance to do any "roundup" posts this weekend, but not a lot has happened anyway. Friday morning when I woke up, I'd dropped exactly 2lbs from Thursday morning. I didn't lose any this weekend, but I maintained, which is at least something (especially when my aunt noticed I hadn't eaten in the morning and I had to get something from the fish-and-chip shop with the family yesterday afternoon - didn't eat much, still felt guilty as all fuck and sick to boot, BUT I DIDN'T GAIN which is excellent).

I'm not at a point right now where I'm comfortable posting my actual weight. Hopefully I'll get back within a comfortable zone soon.

Oh also, a quick note to Dot: Thank you for your comments my dear, I adore you =] I'll get around to giving you some real responses hopefully tomorrow (I'm posting this and then going to bed haha) but I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful words and for reading my blog <3

Seeing my great-aunt and uncle yesterday was not what I expected. What with the news that we had about the cancer and the crappy life expectancy, I was kind of expecting her to be emaciated and very sickly looking and frail. But she wasn't. She looked a little bit drawn and off-colour, but aside from that she looked exactly the same as always. Which kind of made it harder, in a sense, I guess. It was a little awkward as well. I was sitting on the floor, so everyone else could sit on my granny's sofa and chairs, and I kept wanting to stare at her, seeking signs of illness in the way she looked or the way she moved or held herself or something. But then of course, I couldn't very well just sit and stare, so I had to make polite conversation instead. Of course, I couldn't concentrate and made a super shitty conversationalist. Even my usual witty one-liners were severely lacking.

This conversation happened while I was fidgeting inside the chip shop with my great-uncle while my grandpa ran across the street to get my aunt some diet coke:

Uncle: So what are you, my great-neice or something?
Me: Yep, great neice. Better than a regular neice!
Uncle: *stiff laughter*

I mean I'm not the BEST in most social situations to begin with, but my god that was the most awkward ten minutes in recent history. He complimented my teeth (I still had braces the last time I saw him) and I started rambling on. Sigh. I'm embarassed and cringing remembering.

After we ate, my aunts and my cousin and I went back to our house to let the dog out, and my cousin had a wander around the house and went through our CD case. Then we were off to the cinema, got some drinks, and went to settle down in the theatre. First my cousin was a bit weirded out because it was one of the largest screens in the cinema, and we sat at the back, so I think he was concerned that he would somehow fall down and it was a long way up. Then, he'd got a large pop, and after every sip he burped very LOUDLY, which was a little offputting. I mean I love him and I guess he can't help it, but I can be pretty banal about people not being quiet at the cinema... even though I'd already seen the movie, haha.

I wanted to stay up late last night just so I wasn't wasting away my weekend, but fell asleep just after midnight. Woke up this morning with a killer headache, so I stayed in bed until... 12:30 or so? I didn't sleep the entire time of course, but still felt ridiculously lazy. At one point, I was laid on my stomach and I lifted my upper body and turned my head to the side to stretch - by then, my body was sore from being in bed for twelve hours - and honestly thought I'd pulled a muscle in my neck. It hurt all down one side and was throbbing horribly. I kept rubbing it and pressed my face into the pillow so my neck was straight, and after about half an hour it started to abate.. although it feels a bit sensitive now.

There's always something isn't there?

Anyway, due to my headache I had a bit of a binge on bread, but that's all I ate today so I'm hoping the results aren't TOO disastrous to behold on the scale tomorrow morning =/

In more positive news, I've restocked on healthy food. I have two small snack-sized tins of Tuna in the cupboard, which can serve as a lunch or something next weekend. A bag of grapes that will last a couple of days worth of lunch at work. A few weight watchers' frozen meals, that are all under 350 calories. So, if that's all I have in a day, I should be ok. I've got a load of 10 calorie soups too, so they'll carry me over and keep me warm, and I've still got a ton of green tea and splenda sweetener tablets on my desk at work. And that is all I am planning on consuming this week.

My aunt's made a few interesting...

Ok. Before I continue, it must be known that I am getting VERY VERY FUCKED OFF WITH MY LAPTOP (yeah, I caved and bought a laptop, and went against what everyone said and got a Dell Studio 15 and upgraded it because it was the cheapest for what I wanted and OH GOD I AM SO STUPID). As I'm typing, my pinkie nail must be hitting a button when I go to hit the shift key because FOUR TIMES NOW I've been typing when suddenly the fucking thing has highlighted a full paragraph of text and deleted all but half of the first line. STOP DOING THAT!

Okay, back to the post.

My aunt's made a few interesting comments this weekend. She started her pre-surgery yogurt-and-milk diet on Friday - two fat-free yogurts and 3 pints of milk per day, to be supplemented only with water or diet/sugar-free drinks like diet coke or sugarfree juice. Now, like me, she's a bit lactose intolerant. Not in the sense that, if she has a spoon of ice cream or some milk in her tea, she'll immediately projectile vomit, or anything. More in the sense that often her body rejects copious amounts of dairy products. Most obvious is when she eats something cheesy, and her stomach gets really upset afterward. This happens to me, too. Sometimes eating yogurt or ice cream or having tea with too much milk in it will make me feel nausous or give me an upset stomach. Cheese almost ALWAYS makes me sick, and if I were to drink a glass of milk on its own I *would* be sick.

But I'm digressing.

So, on Friday she did alright with her diet, but wasn't feeling fabulous. Yesterday she got through the day, although feeling nauseous almost constantly. Then last night, after she took her tablets, she almost immediately had to run upstairs to vomit up the milk she'd just had - along with most of the yogurt she'd had during the day too. Apparently, it looked and tasted like sour milk. And dude, that comment on its own almost made ME sick.

So, she said in passing that "obviously she can't have the milk" and "she might as well just do an anorexic diet and have nothing but yogurt and water for the next ten days" adding that she "could do it if it was just a ten-day water fast or something" but that it was the milk that was making it hard for her.

And I so badly wanted to scream and say, then why do people make such a big deal when I skip lunch? For chrissakes, she can sit there and say with a straight face that she could fast for ten days? I bet if I even mentioned that I wanted to do a three-day juice fast or something the shit would hit the fan. But I guess that remains to be seen.

At least now there's less influence as to what I'm eating. And because we aren't all making food at the same time, people are less likely to notice what and when I am eating, so fingers crossed it will be even easier than I thought to get away with it now... but, I guess we'll see. I'm not expecting the pressure to slacken any, to be perfectly honest. I'm just hoping.

Anyway I need to go to bed... I have to make up 3 hours in the next two days, so I can't be late for work tomorrow (unless I feel like working til 7 and hellno).

Hope you all had a fab weekend!

Stay Strong,
Vee xox


Ana said...

Beautifully written post.... I'm sorry about the awkward family stuff. *hug* and congrats on the two pounds.

Dot said...

Awe! You are so sweet <3 Don't worry about commenting back ; ) You are going through such a tough time. Really, please don't worry about it, I know you will when you get a chance.
I think the comment you made about being a "great" niece hilarious! Haha! I love puns <3 I think you would be a very fun person to talk to.
That must have been a but off putting to see your Aunt looking healthy. Like, you feel like a tricks being played on you. I really hope she gets better and the surgery goes well.
I would DIE if I had to be on her diet. I'm a bit lactose intolerant too : P
Maybe if you eat a lot throughout the day, but small doses, and they just see you eating all the time they will let up a little? Like carry around a tin of nuts. The good fat will help you lose weight and eating a few every hour will keep your metabolism up. I've done this before and it seems to work pretty well ; )
Good luck and stay strong <3

Vee said...

@Ana: Thanks hun =] I'm kind of just glad now that the weekend is over. I can focus on not having to focus on some stuff for a while now, if that makes sense ^^.

@Dot: Look, it is a reponse! Gasp! haha. No it's ok, I like to try to reply to all of my comments anyway, I really don't think people realize how much they mean to me and that I DO read and appreciate every one - so I like to reply just to let y'all know =]

Haha well at the time, I thought the great-neice comment was kind of funny, but then the stiff laughter was a little awkward and dwindled off into a tense silence, so obviously it didn't do the job lol. I was a little off my game =/

Seeing my great-aunt looking almost perfectly healthy was really, odd. I thought it would really bring it home when I saw her - the reality of the severity of her condition hasn't really hit me full force yet. But seeing her looking not ill at all... It was just strange. Something my great-uncle said about spinal injections makes me think that she's ALREADY having the extra treatment that they mentioned, though. I was under the impression she was just having blood transfusions right now, but she was saying her last spinal injection was really painful.. so fingers crossed maybe that hurdle has been crossed already?

I couldn't do her diet either, ugh. If it were water and yogurt or something I'd probably be okay, but I physically can't make myself drink a glass of milk without being sick, ugh.

That's a good idea actually, what kind of nuts though? I mean, I like salted peanuts but I hear they're not necessarily "good" oils (but I may be wrong *shrug*), and I should probably watch my salt intake as it is, since I like my food a little too salty..

Research is needed!

Thanks again for your comments ladies =] xx