My Addiction

And I don't mean food. Food, I can fight off with enough thought and will power and distraction. My other addiction is more all-consuming than such trivial things as tasty food to put in my mouth and make me fat.

I think I mentioned once or twice before that I'm a Beauty Blogger and have a YouTube channel, which I endeavour to ONE DAY actually do something more constructive with than ramble about randomness, do the odd half-assed review, and maybe one or two eyeshadow tutorials. Sigh, right now it all very much sucks and I haven't posted anything in over a week, partly because I haven't been able to think / find the motivation / time to do anything new, and partly because I've been concentrating actively harder on THIS blog rather than that one. But I need to get my ass in gear because damn it, beauty and makeup is something I'm very passionate about.

To my own detriment.

Mostly I'm a big fan of MAC makeup. It is wonderful, and I've even successfully applied for a MAC Pro membership which means I get 40% off when I order over the phone. So yay. And today two new collections came out. Which means today, I have even less money than the none I usually have. But I can't stop myself.

The thought of not getting BOTH of the beauty powders that HAVE THE SHAPE OF A ROSE BLOOM EMBOSSED ONTO IT OH MY GOD!! was just entirely inconceivable. I made my order and not ten minutes later was kicking myself for not getting that gorgeous pinkey-mauvey nail polish (which I then had to go on MAC's website to order separately even though I wouldn't be getting it discounted because god damn it, I had to have it)

This is why saving up for Canada and Mexico by September is going to be so fucking hard for me.

I can deal with not being able to get a laptop until the end of the year. I want a new, decent, super-high-res camera too, but I'm going to deal with my 2megapixel Fuji FinePix S5500 Zoom and my 5-megapixel Sony Cybershot cameraphone instead because hey, I can live without a professional-quality digital camera, right? A Canon or a Nikon can wait another year. I can even deal with the fact that the wardrobe that I can actually wear right now is limited to like four tank tops, two tee-shirts, two hoodies, two pairs of jeans, two pairs of work trousers, and maybe five work tops (a couple of which are too big but since I wear a cardigan you can't really tell). I mean, that amount of clothing is a fuck of a lot more than I had growing up (in high school I had like two or three pairs of plain black trousers, two tank tops, and like two tee-shirts. And a hand-me-down pair of sneakers, of which the sole of one had torn straight down the middle of the shoe all the way through and when I walked to school in hip-deep snow, I might as well have been walking fucking barefoot. I shit you not.) I can wait to go clothes shopping until I've lost weight, or at least until I've lost SOME weight and am in Canada and things are cheaper.

I can even put off getting bedroom furniture that I'm after (like a vanity table or storage units or a fucking mirror) or wanting to redecorate (the terra cotta carpet in the new house is hideous, for real).

But I can't put off buying makeup. Every month MAC has a new collection out, most of which are limited edition items. And immediately my brain goes into a frenzy and starts crunching numbers and firmly shouting at me that I HAVE TO GET THAT ITEM TOO OR THE WORLD WILL EXPLODE.

All of this is to say that I've bought makeup today that I know I don't need, but that I NEED with every fibre of my being.

And thank fucking god that my relationship with food is not this insane.