No Excuses

I'm up another pound today. Which means that as of right now, I am once again back at my old starting weight: 201.4lbs. How. Fucking. Shameful.

In the end I had to eat something at lunch, so I got a panini from the canteen at work and had some of that. And also a piece of garlic baguette. Garlic is definitely one of my weaknesses and dare I say, might actually be the first"trigger" food I've figured out so far. The panini wasn't too bad, but it wasn't until after I devoured the garlickey baguette bread (not a whole baguette, just a piece of one, and it was weird, not sliced, it was just coated on the outside with the garlic), that I Realized DUH garlickey bread = garlic BUTTER you dumb cow!

Sigh. Then I planned to behave for the rest of the day, go me.

Until my aunt picked me up from work.

This is a total side-note. But no fewer than six times on Wednesday my aunt confirmed that she was to pick me up at 5. "What time are you finishing?" "5" "Okay see you tonight" "Yep, at 5" etc. At 4:27 I got a text saying "I'm outside when you're ready" to which I replied that I can't leave until 5. Other people already left at 4 and I had to stay until 5. She then replied "You should have told them you're visiting your aunt in hospital and had to leave at 4"

Wait. What?

I'm sorry but I'm not a fucking mind reader. I would have, if she'd said "I'll pick you up at 4" but she told me 5, so I didn't ask if I could go early which means the floor was open for most other people to leave at 4, which they did.

But anyway. On the way home my aunt told me she picked up a cheese breadstick thing for me at the supermarket. I didn't want one, but she knows I love them, so when we got home she was saying how they're fresh and warm and if I don't eat it tonight it'll probably be stale by tomorrow (today). So, to not have wasted her money, I had the corner off that. Nothing too major. Then threw it out.

And then... the cinema. Movie theatre popcorn is one of my bigger weaknesses. And after having not had it in a year and a half, my body switches into binge mode the instant I smell it. But I wasn't going to get anything to eat, I just wanted to get a big cup of icy coke zero to fill me up. And also, I was ridiculously dehydrated yesterday. I need to fucking stop it with the not-drinking-enough bs. But my aunt wanted popcorn so I bought some for her while she went to get seats in the cinema. And while watching the movie I ate some of that popcorn without even thinking or realizing what I Was doing. Until finally I caught myself and told her I didn't want any more.

It was so strange, like my body was on auto pilot. I was completely immersed in the movie, and literally did not realize what I was doing at first. So, now I know that the cinema is a dangerous place, even if I'm not buying snacks. I think next time I'll bring my own. Like a Special K bar or, I dunno. Something to snack on that isn't caloriffic.

At least the cinema we go to doesn't put butter on their popcorn, just salt. Although salt=water retention, which explains the pound gain. There's no way in hell I ate 3,500 more calories than I expended. I need to stop trying to rationalize =]

I'm just pissed off with myself because it's two days in a row. But today is going to be a good day. I can feel it. I have a 10-calorie soup next to me on my desk for lunch. I'll have another when I get home. And nothing else. AND tonight I think I'm going to buy that juicer I wanted so I can make some healthy juice.

I wonder if celery juice is negative-cal like just celery is? Hmm.

I need to get the internet at home again soon... then I can go through the little book of juicer recipes and plug them into a calorie calculator.

Anyway, off to do some work, ciao!

Vee xox

ps: J is coming home from the hospital today, which essentially means no more fast food in the house. My aunt doesn't think it's fair to eat shitty food in front of J, which means she won't suprise me with pizza when I get home or anything. Yay! And then she'll be having her op this summer too =]