So far so good

After whining and bitching this morning, I have to update to say that so far things are going okay. I've eaten exactly nothing, and have had one cup of strawberry tea and half a cup of water. Which means that this headache I'm getting is likely the result of dehydration, which doesn't surprise me. I'm so crap at trying to keep my body hydrated. The water cooler at work gives me heartburn for some reason, so I usually wind up avoiding it without realizing that I'm even doing it. I'll need to start filling my water bottle and keeping it on my desk and aiming to down the whole thing. As it is right now I just wind up with a million cups of water, that are ignored once they get warm. I don't aim for anything. But if I aim to drink my adorable water bottle full of water at least twice a day, I'll probably be in a much better position. I mean, to be perfectly honest, dehydration could be one reason I've been feeling so shitty and tired lately too. Well, moreso than usual I mean =P

Ugh. I hate the sound that my nylon-blend trousers make when I walk and my thighs rub together. It makes me want to walk bow-legged just so I - and other people! - don't have to hear it.

And I'm getting swiftly fed up with my Urban Decay eyeshadows. The glitter in that shit just gets every-fucking-where. My gold and reddish-brown and bright green are amazing and I love them (I don't have them here I don't know colours) but I've got some purple and pink on today and both are glitter, and now I have glitter all the fuck over my face.

I was going to write about how I wasn't in such a bad mood today, despite a rocky start. About how, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror just now when I walked into the toilet, and how my hair looks amazing and while I'm still a huge lard, at least I'm pretty. But then I looked closer. And quickly changed my mind. I look like the walking dead, even with makeup. My dark circles from not sleeping are peering through my concealer and foundation. I just look... drained and sallow and horrible. Sigh. At least I have nice fingernails. That's about the only self-compliment I can come up with right now. And I'm trying to positively reinforce myself. And it just isn't working.

Whatever.

In spite of not eating, my stomach didn't start telling me it was hungry until maybe twenty minutes ago - 2 in the afternoon. Which is good and bad. Good because, if I'm not hungry, there's no reason at all for me to be eating in the morning to begin with. Bad because, my body isn't going to devour my fat reserves if it isn't hungry in the first place.

All that said, I'm actually NOT in as horrible a mood today as I was yesterday. I'm still totally fucking exhausted, and I'm still feeling pretty antisocial. But I'm not QUITE as pissed off with everyone as I was. Even though I look like hell =]

Going "grocery" shopping tonight after work. I need to figure out what I need to buy. Maybe some raw veggies to have with a low-cal dip of some description. I don't know. I always buy fruit and then wind up realizing "There are too many calories in this banana and if I eat it I can't have XYZ later, so I'm going to skip the banana and have XYZ when I get home instead" and the fruit winds up going off. I need to stop doing that. I need to start planning ahead.

Tomorrow will be a 200 day. I'm going to have an apple (55) for "breakfast" and maybe a banana (104) for lunch, which leaves me with a small salad for dinner after work.

OR something. I'm so horrible at planning, I doubt any of the above will actually transpire.

The past few days I've been craving Oriental food. All weekend and yesterday it was rice. I almost went home last night to make sushi rice in my rice cooker when I got home, just to devour on its own. But then I thought twice and decided that there was no way I could figure out how to get 100 calories of rice.

Today it's Ramen. I was online looking at a Japanese store that sells the brand of Ramen I used to love and adore in Canada. My favourite brand of ramen ever. I was going to buy some but then I thought... one package of Sapporo Ichiban ramen soup contains around 400 calories. Which means I could have it two days of the week (Saturday is 400, Sunday is 500), but it would have to be the only thing I ate. Which is okay, but it depends on whether I have the discipline. Sigh, I don't know, I'll probably buy some and keep it in reserve. I think I have a package at home still, but I'm not going to touch it until the weekend. I am NOT fucking this up. Especially not after gaining a pound and a half after Day One.

Oh god, that reminds me, I think I'm supposed to be going to a Chinese Buffet on Monday with my aunts and a load of friends. Dude might be there too, I don't know. Interestingly enough, I haven't heard from him since Saturday morning. Our friends tried to invite him to their place when we went over on Saturday night but he didn't answer his phone. Hm.

Anyway, I need to finish two more hours of work, and then I can go HOME!

Love you,
Vee xxxx