Wednesday, 14 January 2009

001: Fighting Food To Find Trascendence

As yesterday was my last night of freedom, I allowed myself a treat. I convinced myself that I was only eating it so as not to waste food, and so that it would not tempt me later in the week. Which I, at the same time, realized was an utter load of bull. But, it was a final treat, I suppose.Yesterday’s consumption, minus a calorie-count for the evening because I am too physically exhausted to do the calculations necessary to figure out how many calories were in my food.

Slim-Fast snack bar – 206
Slim-Fast Shake (Coffee) – 210
Fat Free Yogurt - 100
Mashed potatoes
½ Sachet stuffing
Doritos nachos
Melted Red Leicester cheese

It was going well in the morning, but as the mashed potatoes weren’t prepared by me I have no idea how much butter/margarine or milk was put into them. The stuffing isn’t very high in calories so it probably wasn’t TOO bad a meal. But I know those nachos pushed me over the edge. Red Leicester cheese is very high in calories and fat. I’m not going to punish myself for eating them, because I chose to. It isn’t like I snapped and binged until I felt sick. It was day one, which became Day The Last.

Today is day one.

Because I need to stock up on some fruit and have none in the house, my breakfast apple has been replaced with another Slim-Fast Bar, at 206 calories. I’d have been much happier with 100cals but I’m already starving and I need to start slow. I’ll have half of my slim-fast shake for lunch, leaving half for an afternoon snack if I need one. I brought a yogurt with me, but I might save that for dessert.

Dinner tonight is a frozen chicken curry meal at around 295 calories. If I can stick to this, including the yogurt, my calorie intake for the day will be around 813. Which is low for more purposes, and I should probably drop maybe half a pound by tomorrow morning – depending on how my metabolism is working, it’s been super messed up the last couple of months, even eating pretty normally.

My goal right now is to keep under 1,000 calories a day consistently and see how that works. I know that it can be really easy to keep your calorie count down. For me previously, the key was to eat a lot of fruit. You can eat as many blueberries and raspberries as it takes to feel full, and they’re still only one calorie apiece. My apple-and-cinnamon for breakfast used to last me until beyond the usual lunch time, and the perk was that eating an apple for breakfast every day, I was more awake and had more energy than at almost any other point in my life. It’s true what they say: eating an apple will definitely wake you up better than drinking a cup of coffee.
Don’t get me wrong, though, I love coffee. And the bonus is that it doubles as an appetite suppressant. The problem is that I like my coffee sweet and can’t drink it black. But the solution to that issue is: Splenda. Just as sweet as if using actual sugar, but there are only about two calories per teaspoon of the stuff. Anyway, at one point I was having to find things to eat to get my calorie count up. I wasn’t hungry, even on around 400 calories in a day, but I didn’t want my metabolism to shut down, so I’d have to find a couple hundred extra calories to boost the numbers a little bit. That was the most frustrating part.

But anyway, I’m getting off topic. Here is where we begin.


ps: I suppose as a starting point I should provide a weigh-in. It pains me to say that as of this morning I was 201.4lbs. My lightest was 130lbs, but I let things get WILDLY, horrifically out of control. I feel physically sick just thinking about it. Just looking at myself. Don't lecture me, because I already know.

Right now, that 130 mark is my goal. Beyond that depends on how this goes, but I would like to be a fair bit under that. I don't yet have a goal date though, because I don't know how fast this is going to come off. Goals will be set when I've got a time scale to compare.

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