5lbs down for the year so far. A decent start. I guess.
I have my monthly weigh in with the nurse at my GP on Friday. I’m oddly nervous.
On the one hand I don’t want the scales to show I haven’t lost enough weight for her liking. I don’t want to be a failure. I like that I have to be accountable for my weight to somebody else. It’s more motivating than doing this just for me, if that makes any sense at all. But on the other hand, I don’t want her to become concerned if I’ve lost weight too fast either. I can’t remember what I weighed at my last weigh in, just what I was near the beginning of the year. So I’m not sure how much I’ve lost in the last four weeks. I also don’t like somebody outside of my circle of trust and control and anonymity knowing my exact numbers to the nearest tenth of a kilogram.
Sigh. I just don’t even know. 5lbs of loss in under 2 weeks doesn’t feel good enough to me. But it’s a start, I guess.
So, what else? I probably have a lot of catching up to do but everything seems insignificant right now. It’s not that there’s anything profound playing on my mind or anything, it’s just the same old, same old.
This week I booked a month off work this summer to go back home for Canada to visit. Originally it was going to be for 2 weeks but it was only £50 more expensive for four, so I’m going for it. I’ll be broke (I have a Cruise in October to save up for as well =/) but at least I’ll be there.
Guh I’m so effing exhausted, but I’m gonna try to get my head into my work so the day doesn’t drag. All I want is to be back home in bed right now. I’ve had a viral chest infection for well over a month now, and more recently a cold on top of it. I feel miserable and just want to curl up with my hot water bottle and sleep it away. Sleep my life away.
So. There you go, a quick update. I’m going to go try to find some coffee now. I’m supposed to be going to the pub at lunch with some friends from work, but I don’t want to break my decent streak so far this week (Monday all I ate was some salad in the evening so negligible calories, yesterday I had a blueberry muffin after work for a total 300ish calories) so I’m probably going to tell them I’m sick and don’t want food and just get a diet pepsi to sip instead.
Saturday night we’re supposed to be getting pizza and having a little birthday “not-party” for my aunt’s new friend in the psych ward she’s confined to (did I ever write to tell you guys that my aunt has been living in the psych ward for the past nearly 4 months?). It’s this other woman’s birthday but she has nobody and isn’t allowed leave so we’re going up there. Or, we’re meant to be. I might skip out and just stay home where I can starve in peace.
I should probably hate that this is making me an even more solitary creature but honestly I just don’t even care. I just want to be left alone. My online friends are enough company for me right now, and even some of them I’m getting annoyed with. A two hour skype session with my best friend and his family is enough social interaction for the week. God, how lame do I sound right now?
Whatever.
Back to work. Stay beautiful, dolls.
Vee xox
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Woah x2
Today has kind of started off awfully overall, and yet I find myself in a better mood than I should be.
I’ll start with yesterday. Starvation headaches are fail, and yet completely worth it because it kind of tells me that I’m doing something right. Is it sick that I’m filled with a sense of pride when my body is suffering? My head was killing me when I got home from work, so I had my second (and final) yogurt of the day, took 3 paracetimols and went straight to bed. I slept from six to ten, then got up to get ready for bed, took 2 more painkillers and went straight to sleep until my alarm went off at 8 this morning.
I’m still absolutely exhausted. I’m almost always tired anyway, but at least now I can take it as a result of not eating enough, which places a positive spin on it.
Anyway, last night before I went to bed the second time, I asked my aunts what time they were leaving in the morning so I knew what time I had to get up so that I could get a ride down to the main road. J said 6:45, my aunt said 8:30, so I figured I’d go with my aunt and just get into work an hour later than normal. No big deal, since I’ve got to work an hour later tonight anyway, so my hours will still be on target.
So this morning I got up at 8, brushed my teeth and washed my face etc, and weighed myself. I’m down 4lbs from yesterday. Count em. 1, 2, 3, FOUR. Huzzah! I did a little victory dance and headed back to my room to finish getting ready for work, then realized my aunt wasn’t in bed.
Usually my aunt and her partner get up just after me, since I always seem to set my alarm 5 minutes earlier than they do (or my phone’s clock is five minutes faster than their alarm clocks). So I went downstairs to dump some Pepsi Max from last night and my aunt was by the back door. She asked me what time she told me we had to leave, and I said 8:30. And she was like “No, I have to be there by 8:30.”
So, I had to run upstairs and quickly get ready, and I feel naked and fugly as hell because I have next to no makeup on my face (mascara, powder, and some tinted lip butter). Ugh. Managed to get ready in 10 minutes though.
Now I’m at work and I’m exhausted and I’m empty and I have a 94 calorie fat-free yogurt in my bag for lunch in two hours and that is all. I’m feeling positive – at least, I would be if I were awake enough to feel much of anything haha.
And, I logged on here to see I’ve hit 100 followers on my blog. How is that even possible?? I want to say a huge thank you to each and every one of my followers, I love you all and you guys are the whole reason I keep coming back here. <3
So… here’s to Day Two. And many more losses such as this in the foreseeable future.
I’ll start with yesterday. Starvation headaches are fail, and yet completely worth it because it kind of tells me that I’m doing something right. Is it sick that I’m filled with a sense of pride when my body is suffering? My head was killing me when I got home from work, so I had my second (and final) yogurt of the day, took 3 paracetimols and went straight to bed. I slept from six to ten, then got up to get ready for bed, took 2 more painkillers and went straight to sleep until my alarm went off at 8 this morning.
I’m still absolutely exhausted. I’m almost always tired anyway, but at least now I can take it as a result of not eating enough, which places a positive spin on it.
Anyway, last night before I went to bed the second time, I asked my aunts what time they were leaving in the morning so I knew what time I had to get up so that I could get a ride down to the main road. J said 6:45, my aunt said 8:30, so I figured I’d go with my aunt and just get into work an hour later than normal. No big deal, since I’ve got to work an hour later tonight anyway, so my hours will still be on target.
So this morning I got up at 8, brushed my teeth and washed my face etc, and weighed myself. I’m down 4lbs from yesterday. Count em. 1, 2, 3, FOUR. Huzzah! I did a little victory dance and headed back to my room to finish getting ready for work, then realized my aunt wasn’t in bed.
Usually my aunt and her partner get up just after me, since I always seem to set my alarm 5 minutes earlier than they do (or my phone’s clock is five minutes faster than their alarm clocks). So I went downstairs to dump some Pepsi Max from last night and my aunt was by the back door. She asked me what time she told me we had to leave, and I said 8:30. And she was like “No, I have to be there by 8:30.”
So, I had to run upstairs and quickly get ready, and I feel naked and fugly as hell because I have next to no makeup on my face (mascara, powder, and some tinted lip butter). Ugh. Managed to get ready in 10 minutes though.
Now I’m at work and I’m exhausted and I’m empty and I have a 94 calorie fat-free yogurt in my bag for lunch in two hours and that is all. I’m feeling positive – at least, I would be if I were awake enough to feel much of anything haha.
And, I logged on here to see I’ve hit 100 followers on my blog. How is that even possible?? I want to say a huge thank you to each and every one of my followers, I love you all and you guys are the whole reason I keep coming back here. <3
So… here’s to Day Two. And many more losses such as this in the foreseeable future.
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
What the hell...?
I think my body is in its own time zone.
I'll beak it down for you. The first couple of days on ABC, I managed to gain THREE pounds. It was probably a late gain from all the Southern Comfort I had on New Year's eve, but I gained and it was depressing just the same, and demotivating, and I didn't want to mention it here because gaining weight, even when I'm actively restricting, tastes like failure and it's embarassing. But for the sake of full disclosure and honesty - and hey, when I have to admit it and be truthful, I'm less likely to fuck up because I have to answer to you guys! - there it is. A couple days late, but whatever.
Then to make matters worse, yesterday I was at home all day with my aunt and I will admit: I binged.
And when I say I binged I don't mean I ate a couple of cookies and a sandwich. By my calculations, my total calorie intake was around 2,000. So I consumed FOUR times the amount I was allotted on ABC.
But the fucked up part? I've LOST a little over a pound. Maybe eating a "normal" amount of calories for the first time in a long time has woken up my metabolism a little? Maybe the fact that the night before last and last night, I had my first two consecutive DECENT NIGHTS' SLEEP in years helped? Fuck me, I have no idea. And I'll probably wake up tomorrow 5lbs heavier, but right now this just feels totally bizarre, and I do not understand one bit.
Today is okay so far. 200 Calorie cap for today, and I've only had some low-cal soup with a couple crackers and a load of Pepsi Max. I'm not hungry in the slightest so will probably skip dinner, have a shower shortly, and go to bed early.
I didn't have to go to work today, since the snow is still pretty bad up here, and our road is a mess of ice, snow, and slush. And I don't live near the main road where I catch my bus to work, so I called and said I couldn't make it (my manager seemed ok with it, I felt bad and was all apologetic, but he was like "You can't help it!"). It's been snowing on and off kinda heavily again today, but I'll probably have to go in tomorrow all the same. In spite of the fact that I have no boots, my "winter" coat is thinner than half of the hoodies I own, and I've no gloves to my name either since I lost them on the bus last year and haven't found a new pair I like enough to buy...
So, back to work tomorrow. Which is depressing in itself, sigh.
I'm sure there was something else I was going to write about here today, but I really can't remember. So I think I'm going to have a shower, maybe a nap, and then straighten my hair for work tomorrow. And maybe even give myself a much-needed manicure. FUN TIMES WHUT.
Also: I love how I keep saying I can't afford a pair of boots because the ones I like are all upwards of £100, yet I have no qualms with the fact that the list of cosmetics I'm ordering from MAC's two new limited edition collections tomorrow comes to just under £120. I'm such a hypocrite. And makeup obsessed.
I should make one of my New Year's Resolutions to try to cut my makeup spending, even by a third. Lord knows I could use the money (and I pretty desperately need some new bedroom furniture, since the shit I bought from Argos a year and a half ago is basically falling apart at this point.)
Anyway, I'm rambling again. I'm off now!
I'll beak it down for you. The first couple of days on ABC, I managed to gain THREE pounds. It was probably a late gain from all the Southern Comfort I had on New Year's eve, but I gained and it was depressing just the same, and demotivating, and I didn't want to mention it here because gaining weight, even when I'm actively restricting, tastes like failure and it's embarassing. But for the sake of full disclosure and honesty - and hey, when I have to admit it and be truthful, I'm less likely to fuck up because I have to answer to you guys! - there it is. A couple days late, but whatever.
Then to make matters worse, yesterday I was at home all day with my aunt and I will admit: I binged.
And when I say I binged I don't mean I ate a couple of cookies and a sandwich. By my calculations, my total calorie intake was around 2,000. So I consumed FOUR times the amount I was allotted on ABC.
But the fucked up part? I've LOST a little over a pound. Maybe eating a "normal" amount of calories for the first time in a long time has woken up my metabolism a little? Maybe the fact that the night before last and last night, I had my first two consecutive DECENT NIGHTS' SLEEP in years helped? Fuck me, I have no idea. And I'll probably wake up tomorrow 5lbs heavier, but right now this just feels totally bizarre, and I do not understand one bit.
Today is okay so far. 200 Calorie cap for today, and I've only had some low-cal soup with a couple crackers and a load of Pepsi Max. I'm not hungry in the slightest so will probably skip dinner, have a shower shortly, and go to bed early.
I didn't have to go to work today, since the snow is still pretty bad up here, and our road is a mess of ice, snow, and slush. And I don't live near the main road where I catch my bus to work, so I called and said I couldn't make it (my manager seemed ok with it, I felt bad and was all apologetic, but he was like "You can't help it!"). It's been snowing on and off kinda heavily again today, but I'll probably have to go in tomorrow all the same. In spite of the fact that I have no boots, my "winter" coat is thinner than half of the hoodies I own, and I've no gloves to my name either since I lost them on the bus last year and haven't found a new pair I like enough to buy...
So, back to work tomorrow. Which is depressing in itself, sigh.
I'm sure there was something else I was going to write about here today, but I really can't remember. So I think I'm going to have a shower, maybe a nap, and then straighten my hair for work tomorrow. And maybe even give myself a much-needed manicure. FUN TIMES WHUT.
Also: I love how I keep saying I can't afford a pair of boots because the ones I like are all upwards of £100, yet I have no qualms with the fact that the list of cosmetics I'm ordering from MAC's two new limited edition collections tomorrow comes to just under £120. I'm such a hypocrite. And makeup obsessed.
I should make one of my New Year's Resolutions to try to cut my makeup spending, even by a third. Lord knows I could use the money (and I pretty desperately need some new bedroom furniture, since the shit I bought from Argos a year and a half ago is basically falling apart at this point.)
Anyway, I'm rambling again. I'm off now!
Saturday, 26 December 2009
A Christmas Miracle?
Somehow I'm down 1.5lbs from yesterday morning.
Of course, I'm still suffering from Upset Stomach Everytime I Eat Or Drink Anything. And my antibiotics are making me feel so nauseous that it would be so so so easy to purge if I wanted to... Aside from the fact that it would render my antibiotics completely useless, I fucking hate purging and have no desire to do so anyway. But still.
So, Christmas roundup!
I got exactly the bracelet I thought I was from my aunts! I would take photos to post here right now, but I'm downloading like eighteen JPop music videos and trying to rip the audio from them so my computer is RIDICULOUSLY slow so it's not happening right this minute! But, it's a silver one with like Mayan faces on each of the circular silver links on it. Not the kind of bracelet I'm after (sigh, again the Tiffany's one. But I think I may have found a knockoff online for $15+shipping!) but it's really nice and a perfect souvenir. Since, I didn't bother to buy souvenirs for myself while I was in Mexico. I bought makeup and perfume and a ring and earrings but nothing that can be considered a souvenir. But I'm digressing, again.
A pair of pretty silver earrings to match the ring/earrings I bought before we left. They have tanzanite, cubic zirconia, and the same blue-green opal that the other jewellery has.
A REALLY soft but very thin (like cotton-t-shirt thin but it feels like fucking cashmere, even though it isn't) scarf from Debenhams from my great aunt. Too cold to switch out my wool scarf right now but it's very nice
A set of mini body-bath products. Lavender and Rose scented shower gels and a lavender body lotion. A white showercap with hot pink polkadots. This was from my aunt and I facepalm'd when I opened it. It's an inside joke that goes back to me as a child, when my grandparents used to have a ton of shower caps around from their various hotel-stays between here and England. And for some reason I used to always wear these shower caps in the bath. And then wondered why my hair still got wet when I laid down in the water. Yeah.
A "magic!" facecloth thing that is in the shape of Nemo (yes, THAT nemo) and when you put it into water it transforms into a cute cloth, I guess.
A box of oreos (which were binged upon since yesterday's entry, I will admit. Luckily, England's "packet of Oreos" isn't a huge thing with eight hundred cookies in it. Instead we're talking a dozen, which is still shitty. But fuck, I'm still down a pound and a half).
Uh, I think that's it. It was a small Christmas this year, but it was still nice. Of course everyone broke the rules and instead of "Secret Santa" and just buying one £30 for one person each, we all bought something for everyone. My granny had my aunt's partner for her SS and she bought me the earrings. I had my granny and bought my aunts both a little Lush box of bath products. My aunt had me and bought my granny and J something. Etc. So, it was a surprise on Christmas morning lol, each of us thought we were the only ones breaking the rules.
Right now, I'm going to continue getting these mp3s ripped so I can finally update my iPod - might I add that I ripped my new GaGa CD the day before I went to Mexico and transferred Four CDs of music to my iPod before we left, but it didn't actually update. So pissed. Now that I'm back it's like Bad Romance overload! And I'm also updating my Chococat 2010 Diary from Wal-Mart in Mexico, to include the ABC calorie limits starting on the 1st of Jan. I'm actually really looking forward to this. If you read my blog from the beginning, you'll see that I did ABC before, way back last year. And I had some decent success with it. Even with taking a week off to get over illness and a couple family meals out, I still managed to drop several pounds in a few weeks. So I'm excited to do it. It feels right, and it's a good way to kick my ass back into shape from the get-go. I'm still restricting as far as I can at the moment, but not as far as I *should* which is why I'm looking forward to having some structure to adhere to =]
Incidentally, if any of you are into Japanese Pop Music - or even if you're not - you should listen to "Hangry & Angry - Angelia." I just heard it for the first time about an hour ago and it was instant love, I've got it stuck hard in my head right now. Try as I might I just can't stop listening to it right now. In fact, I love it so much I'm going to make it easy for you and embed the video here for y'all =]
Of course, I'm still suffering from Upset Stomach Everytime I Eat Or Drink Anything. And my antibiotics are making me feel so nauseous that it would be so so so easy to purge if I wanted to... Aside from the fact that it would render my antibiotics completely useless, I fucking hate purging and have no desire to do so anyway. But still.
So, Christmas roundup!
I got exactly the bracelet I thought I was from my aunts! I would take photos to post here right now, but I'm downloading like eighteen JPop music videos and trying to rip the audio from them so my computer is RIDICULOUSLY slow so it's not happening right this minute! But, it's a silver one with like Mayan faces on each of the circular silver links on it. Not the kind of bracelet I'm after (sigh, again the Tiffany's one. But I think I may have found a knockoff online for $15+shipping!) but it's really nice and a perfect souvenir. Since, I didn't bother to buy souvenirs for myself while I was in Mexico. I bought makeup and perfume and a ring and earrings but nothing that can be considered a souvenir. But I'm digressing, again.
A pair of pretty silver earrings to match the ring/earrings I bought before we left. They have tanzanite, cubic zirconia, and the same blue-green opal that the other jewellery has.
A REALLY soft but very thin (like cotton-t-shirt thin but it feels like fucking cashmere, even though it isn't) scarf from Debenhams from my great aunt. Too cold to switch out my wool scarf right now but it's very nice
A set of mini body-bath products. Lavender and Rose scented shower gels and a lavender body lotion. A white showercap with hot pink polkadots. This was from my aunt and I facepalm'd when I opened it. It's an inside joke that goes back to me as a child, when my grandparents used to have a ton of shower caps around from their various hotel-stays between here and England. And for some reason I used to always wear these shower caps in the bath. And then wondered why my hair still got wet when I laid down in the water. Yeah.
A "magic!" facecloth thing that is in the shape of Nemo (yes, THAT nemo) and when you put it into water it transforms into a cute cloth, I guess.
A box of oreos (which were binged upon since yesterday's entry, I will admit. Luckily, England's "packet of Oreos" isn't a huge thing with eight hundred cookies in it. Instead we're talking a dozen, which is still shitty. But fuck, I'm still down a pound and a half).
Uh, I think that's it. It was a small Christmas this year, but it was still nice. Of course everyone broke the rules and instead of "Secret Santa" and just buying one £30 for one person each, we all bought something for everyone. My granny had my aunt's partner for her SS and she bought me the earrings. I had my granny and bought my aunts both a little Lush box of bath products. My aunt had me and bought my granny and J something. Etc. So, it was a surprise on Christmas morning lol, each of us thought we were the only ones breaking the rules.
Right now, I'm going to continue getting these mp3s ripped so I can finally update my iPod - might I add that I ripped my new GaGa CD the day before I went to Mexico and transferred Four CDs of music to my iPod before we left, but it didn't actually update. So pissed. Now that I'm back it's like Bad Romance overload! And I'm also updating my Chococat 2010 Diary from Wal-Mart in Mexico, to include the ABC calorie limits starting on the 1st of Jan. I'm actually really looking forward to this. If you read my blog from the beginning, you'll see that I did ABC before, way back last year. And I had some decent success with it. Even with taking a week off to get over illness and a couple family meals out, I still managed to drop several pounds in a few weeks. So I'm excited to do it. It feels right, and it's a good way to kick my ass back into shape from the get-go. I'm still restricting as far as I can at the moment, but not as far as I *should* which is why I'm looking forward to having some structure to adhere to =]
Incidentally, if any of you are into Japanese Pop Music - or even if you're not - you should listen to "Hangry & Angry - Angelia." I just heard it for the first time about an hour ago and it was instant love, I've got it stuck hard in my head right now. Try as I might I just can't stop listening to it right now. In fact, I love it so much I'm going to make it easy for you and embed the video here for y'all =]
PS: Am I the only one who is totally fucking in love with Harajuku fashion? I swear to god, when I'm skinny and fabulous I want to move to Japan and be a Harajuku style icon. And maybe teach English on the side so I can AFFORD said fashions.
Saturday, 24 October 2009
Yay!
Whoo! Down 1.5 for the week. Yeah, it's not a huge loss, but it's a step in the right direction right?
Hope you're all having a nice weekend. Today was a fabulous day in spite of the rain and the lunch with S. I'm in such a good mood =]
Going for dinner at my granny' house tomorrow. The upside is that she usually makes like 4 different veggies so I can get away with eating a ton of brussel sprouts and broccoli and like one slice of meat. So it shouldn't be too bad. She's stopped serving dessert since my aunts had surgery too which is a total bonus.
Totally going to enjoy the extra hour in bed thanks to the time change tonight too. I was so tired this morning I did not want to get out of bed, even though I went to bed at midnight last night and didn't set my alarm to go off until 10 this morning. I've been more ridiculously tired than usual this week though (hell last Sunday night I got less than 3 hours of sleep) so I think I definitely needed to catch up. When it went off this morning though my first reaction was "...REALLY!?" and I thought I'd set it for work time (6:30/7am) by mistake.
Ugh. Going to go find something to do, I'm bored out of my damn mind!
Love ya!
Vee
Hope you're all having a nice weekend. Today was a fabulous day in spite of the rain and the lunch with S. I'm in such a good mood =]
Going for dinner at my granny' house tomorrow. The upside is that she usually makes like 4 different veggies so I can get away with eating a ton of brussel sprouts and broccoli and like one slice of meat. So it shouldn't be too bad. She's stopped serving dessert since my aunts had surgery too which is a total bonus.
Totally going to enjoy the extra hour in bed thanks to the time change tonight too. I was so tired this morning I did not want to get out of bed, even though I went to bed at midnight last night and didn't set my alarm to go off until 10 this morning. I've been more ridiculously tired than usual this week though (hell last Sunday night I got less than 3 hours of sleep) so I think I definitely needed to catch up. When it went off this morning though my first reaction was "...REALLY!?" and I thought I'd set it for work time (6:30/7am) by mistake.
Ugh. Going to go find something to do, I'm bored out of my damn mind!
Love ya!
Vee
Monday, 21 September 2009
Monster Update
Hey again everyone!
Sorry it’s taken me forever to post anything. I’ve been suffering majorly with my jet-lag (missed two extra days of work, boo!) and have now come down with a lovely little cold. My aunt was pretty sick at the same time I was in bed trying to recuperate and adjust to the time change (7 hour time difference =/) so I think she gave it to me. Either that or this is just my pussy immune system protesting against the sudden influx of cool, damp, gloomy weather after two solid weeks of hot sunshine.
First things first. My trip was awesome. I didn’t want to come back just yet, which is definitely saying something after the huge amount of trepidation I felt when the days were drawing closer and closer. The weather was amazing, a solid 25-31 degrees (Celsius of course) Every. Single. Day. It was not cloudy a single day or rainy or cold. At night it got a little cool but after the oppressive heat and sunshine glaring down all day, it was actually a nice reprieve.
My mother’s husband was no his best behaviour, and there was little to no drama at all while I was there, which I was very grateful for. Had I stayed another week or two, I think cracks would have appeared in the thin veneer he was wearing over his real face and personality, though.
I had two missions while I was there. One was to find a pair of cowboy boots to bring back with me. The other was to get a pair of nice black leather, block-heeled boots with rubber soles/traction, that I could use as winter boots over here. I used to have the perfect pair, bought back in my hometown circa… well, 5-7 years ago. And ever since I had to throw them away (when I first moved here, I was here for six months, then went back to Canada for 3 to pack the rest of my stuff and bring it over. I had to leave the boots there during the first stretch and while my family left them sitting in the entryway for six months, their cats peed on them and they reeked. I tried to wash and febreeze them, but no =[), I’ve been on the hunt for a decent replacement. England basically only sells three kinds of boots. Ugg style or generic flat ones, or skinny heels that should not be worn in winter in a city that is abundant with hills and which gets rain every other day, which then freezes in the winter. Sigh.
So, mission one was accomplished. My mom I guess told her husband that he was going to buy me some boots, and he appeared to have opted for the cowboy boots. So, my mom and I hit the mall, going to Lammles (western wear) and I found a nice black pair for around $130. Told my mother’s husband, and he started whining and complaining that we didn’t go to the Alberta Boot company, so when the weekend came he drove down there. I tried on a pair (he actually pointed them out and I liked them) and decided to get them. $300. All I can say is I’m glad I wasn’t buying because I doubt I’d have paid $300 for a pair of cowboy boots. They are super hot though. When I told D’s mom about it, she was like “oh god, why?” and I responded “I think he’s trying to suck up because he knows I don’t like him.” Even my mom knows, which she acknowledged at the airport after I had checked in and it was just she and I hanging around. My mom was like, well he’s not your father and you don’t like him but at least you only have to see him every once and a while and you don’t have to talk to him on the phone or anything when you’re not here, and you can let him buy you stuff when you’re here.
Lulz.
The other boots, however, were a total no-go. I hit at LEAST 20 different shoe stores (I am not even exaggerating) and couldn’t find anything. Lots of flats, tons of Ugg-style boots, and a billion spike-heels sans any traction. Sadface. In the end, D’s mom was dragging me to every shoe store and shoe outlet she knew of to try to find them, but it just didn’t happen. I found one pair that was suitable, but it was a final sale and they didn’t have my size. Fail!
Aside from that the trip was pretty generic. I mostly spent time with my two BFF’s, V and D, although separately. Highlights were:
· Meeting V’s friend for the first time (after V telling me how annoying she is) and then pointing out a trait that really bothered me – a trait V wasn’t aware of until I pointed it out. Then a couple days later getting a string of obscenity-laden text-messages telling me she couldn’t deal with this stupid person anymore and she was going crazy and wanted to kill herself and oh yeah, I just made it worse by pointing out another flaw.
· Staying up until 6 in the morning playing video games with V, and getting under 4 hours of sleep before having to head off for the lamest manicure from hell. A mutual friend from school bought V and I each a gift certificate to get a manicure and pedicure from a nail studio at the mall. So, we made time for that but told the people there that we wanted the mani but not the pedi (I think it’s a bit weird for strangers to be fooling around with my feet =/ ) so we got that done. It cost $19 to basically cut, file, and paint my nails pink. Yeah. Then I got to rush home to nap for two hours before I had to go over to D’s for the last time before I came back. Busy day!
· Toonie bowling with D, his brother and sister, and an old friend we both went to school with. We were struggling to come up with something to do and D’s sister H was on her phone looking for ideas. She came across a bowling alley that did Toonie Tuesday bowling (a Toonie, for those who don’t know, is the name of Canada’s $2 coin). So we went there, walked in, and found out you had to pay with Toonies. So for five of us we needed five Toonies instead of a ten dollar bill. Which we didn’t have. So we got to trek across the parking lot to Wal-Mart, where I picked up the cheapest thing I could find (a pack of gum for 87 cents) and proceeded to pay with a ten dollar bill and four quarters and asked for five toonies as my change. The cashier didn’t mind but I felt like a bit of a retard asking. I did explain the bowling situation though.
· Hanging out with V downtown and meeting up with a friend we went to high school with. Going for food (we shared 2 appetizers booya) and then trekking around Art Central looking at all the little stores. Wanting to buy everything at the vinyl toy store, and hanging out with one of the chicks who works there, who V had befriended before. Partaking in two kinds of wine there, including the most rancid red wine I’ve ever tasted (also the only red wine I’ve ever tasted) and the most amazing, sweet, and scrumptious white wine in the world! Then making our way to the First Annual block party, hosted by one of the big night clubs in my hometown. Downside is that they had to finish it off at 10pm due to the noise bylaws there, but it was still good times!
· Seeing my nephew!
My nephew is adorable, and he warmed up to me almost right away. At first he wasn’t too sure, when we went to pick him up from his mom, but by the time we got back to my mom’s house, he had fully accepted me, and plonked himself down in my lap to watch tv. My only regret is that I didn’t take enough pictures. I was planning to do a ton of photos the last day we had him, but his mom and my brother had a mediation dealy over custody and visitation on that day so I didn’t get to see him again before I left =[. So in total I had three 3-hour stints with him. Not enough!
It was really great reconnecting with D’s family, that was probably one of the best parts. I love V and she’s like family to me too, but I never lost touch or contact with her, we’re just the same as we always were, since I met her 8 years ago. But I grew up with D’s family, he’s been my best friend since we were like 6 years old, and his family is my family. Since I moved to the UK five years ago, I think I’ve only seen them once, so it was really really great seeing them again and reforming those bonds. Or at the very least, seeing those bonds again and realizing they never really wore away to begin with. His mom kept trying to talk me into moving back there, and I have to admit that part of me was tempted.
The whole time I was there was busy and fun and lively, and it was great. And it kind of made me feel that I’m wasting my life here in England. Over there, basically every day was full and I got to see some of the people I really love. Over here I have my aunts, my grandparents, and S… and that’s about it. But then I had to remind myself what it was like living with my immediate family, most notably my mother’s husband. And the fact that it’s almost impossible to get a job there. And having to contend with the winters! We’re talking up to NEGATIVE 50 degrees. But mostly, I had to remind myself that I was never really happy there. Going there now and being happy and enjoying myself is a direct result of finding myself, which only happened when I moved here. At times I still feel lost and confused and like I don’t know who I am, but I’ve come a far, far way from the person I was when I lived there full time, before I moved away. And that move is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.
And of course, I could never up and leave and move away without my aunt. We’re a unit!
Holy Christ this is long. And I feel like I haven’t covered everything, but I’m not sure what else to say about the trip other than that it rocked. I’m going to make a more conscious effort to go back at least once a year for a three week visit. And maybe if I’m not going on any other trips (like Cancun this year), I’ll space it out and go twice? We’ll see!
As for food… the entire time I was there was basically a 16 day bingefest. When I came back, I was really jetlagged and barely ate and dropped at least a pound or two. My initial weigh in wasn’t accurate because although it was morning here, it was midnight back in Canada and I’d eaten a full day’s worth of food so my weight was all over. Still, only up 5lbs is a lot better than I was anticipating, even though it was only two weeks. This weekend was a baddish one… Friday we had fish and chips because we had my grandparents over so we could watch a football match together (my team won!). Saturday I had sushi out with S and then had a couple small things from a buffet at a wedding reception I had to go to, and a piece of (bad) wedding cake. And yesterday I had to go to my grandmother’s for a Sunday roast, and she piled on the veggies (though at least it was veggies and not fatty meats and pie or stuff).
Yet somehow, I’m still down around half a pound from Friday, so I can’t complain. I think maybe the two week binge kicked my metabolism in the teeth and got it raring up again, so now it’s still working hard to burn away what I am eating. Score! I better enjoy it while it lasts though because I doubt it’ll last long.
Anyway, this is really longwinded so I’m going to post it now and go get some work done. Let me know what you guys have all been up to while I’ve been away! I need to catch up on your blogs but it seems like so much so it might take a while to do. So drop me a comment to let me know how you’ve been and what you’ve been doing =]
Current weight, by the way: 209.8lbs. Still up from my start weight but there will be no more interruptions. I have three months to lose as much as I can for the beach. Countdown starts now!
Sorry it’s taken me forever to post anything. I’ve been suffering majorly with my jet-lag (missed two extra days of work, boo!) and have now come down with a lovely little cold. My aunt was pretty sick at the same time I was in bed trying to recuperate and adjust to the time change (7 hour time difference =/) so I think she gave it to me. Either that or this is just my pussy immune system protesting against the sudden influx of cool, damp, gloomy weather after two solid weeks of hot sunshine.
First things first. My trip was awesome. I didn’t want to come back just yet, which is definitely saying something after the huge amount of trepidation I felt when the days were drawing closer and closer. The weather was amazing, a solid 25-31 degrees (Celsius of course) Every. Single. Day. It was not cloudy a single day or rainy or cold. At night it got a little cool but after the oppressive heat and sunshine glaring down all day, it was actually a nice reprieve.
My mother’s husband was no his best behaviour, and there was little to no drama at all while I was there, which I was very grateful for. Had I stayed another week or two, I think cracks would have appeared in the thin veneer he was wearing over his real face and personality, though.
I had two missions while I was there. One was to find a pair of cowboy boots to bring back with me. The other was to get a pair of nice black leather, block-heeled boots with rubber soles/traction, that I could use as winter boots over here. I used to have the perfect pair, bought back in my hometown circa… well, 5-7 years ago. And ever since I had to throw them away (when I first moved here, I was here for six months, then went back to Canada for 3 to pack the rest of my stuff and bring it over. I had to leave the boots there during the first stretch and while my family left them sitting in the entryway for six months, their cats peed on them and they reeked. I tried to wash and febreeze them, but no =[), I’ve been on the hunt for a decent replacement. England basically only sells three kinds of boots. Ugg style or generic flat ones, or skinny heels that should not be worn in winter in a city that is abundant with hills and which gets rain every other day, which then freezes in the winter. Sigh.
So, mission one was accomplished. My mom I guess told her husband that he was going to buy me some boots, and he appeared to have opted for the cowboy boots. So, my mom and I hit the mall, going to Lammles (western wear) and I found a nice black pair for around $130. Told my mother’s husband, and he started whining and complaining that we didn’t go to the Alberta Boot company, so when the weekend came he drove down there. I tried on a pair (he actually pointed them out and I liked them) and decided to get them. $300. All I can say is I’m glad I wasn’t buying because I doubt I’d have paid $300 for a pair of cowboy boots. They are super hot though. When I told D’s mom about it, she was like “oh god, why?” and I responded “I think he’s trying to suck up because he knows I don’t like him.” Even my mom knows, which she acknowledged at the airport after I had checked in and it was just she and I hanging around. My mom was like, well he’s not your father and you don’t like him but at least you only have to see him every once and a while and you don’t have to talk to him on the phone or anything when you’re not here, and you can let him buy you stuff when you’re here.
Lulz.
The other boots, however, were a total no-go. I hit at LEAST 20 different shoe stores (I am not even exaggerating) and couldn’t find anything. Lots of flats, tons of Ugg-style boots, and a billion spike-heels sans any traction. Sadface. In the end, D’s mom was dragging me to every shoe store and shoe outlet she knew of to try to find them, but it just didn’t happen. I found one pair that was suitable, but it was a final sale and they didn’t have my size. Fail!
Aside from that the trip was pretty generic. I mostly spent time with my two BFF’s, V and D, although separately. Highlights were:
· Meeting V’s friend for the first time (after V telling me how annoying she is) and then pointing out a trait that really bothered me – a trait V wasn’t aware of until I pointed it out. Then a couple days later getting a string of obscenity-laden text-messages telling me she couldn’t deal with this stupid person anymore and she was going crazy and wanted to kill herself and oh yeah, I just made it worse by pointing out another flaw.
· Staying up until 6 in the morning playing video games with V, and getting under 4 hours of sleep before having to head off for the lamest manicure from hell. A mutual friend from school bought V and I each a gift certificate to get a manicure and pedicure from a nail studio at the mall. So, we made time for that but told the people there that we wanted the mani but not the pedi (I think it’s a bit weird for strangers to be fooling around with my feet =/ ) so we got that done. It cost $19 to basically cut, file, and paint my nails pink. Yeah. Then I got to rush home to nap for two hours before I had to go over to D’s for the last time before I came back. Busy day!
· Toonie bowling with D, his brother and sister, and an old friend we both went to school with. We were struggling to come up with something to do and D’s sister H was on her phone looking for ideas. She came across a bowling alley that did Toonie Tuesday bowling (a Toonie, for those who don’t know, is the name of Canada’s $2 coin). So we went there, walked in, and found out you had to pay with Toonies. So for five of us we needed five Toonies instead of a ten dollar bill. Which we didn’t have. So we got to trek across the parking lot to Wal-Mart, where I picked up the cheapest thing I could find (a pack of gum for 87 cents) and proceeded to pay with a ten dollar bill and four quarters and asked for five toonies as my change. The cashier didn’t mind but I felt like a bit of a retard asking. I did explain the bowling situation though.
· Hanging out with V downtown and meeting up with a friend we went to high school with. Going for food (we shared 2 appetizers booya) and then trekking around Art Central looking at all the little stores. Wanting to buy everything at the vinyl toy store, and hanging out with one of the chicks who works there, who V had befriended before. Partaking in two kinds of wine there, including the most rancid red wine I’ve ever tasted (also the only red wine I’ve ever tasted) and the most amazing, sweet, and scrumptious white wine in the world! Then making our way to the First Annual block party, hosted by one of the big night clubs in my hometown. Downside is that they had to finish it off at 10pm due to the noise bylaws there, but it was still good times!
· Seeing my nephew!
My nephew is adorable, and he warmed up to me almost right away. At first he wasn’t too sure, when we went to pick him up from his mom, but by the time we got back to my mom’s house, he had fully accepted me, and plonked himself down in my lap to watch tv. My only regret is that I didn’t take enough pictures. I was planning to do a ton of photos the last day we had him, but his mom and my brother had a mediation dealy over custody and visitation on that day so I didn’t get to see him again before I left =[. So in total I had three 3-hour stints with him. Not enough!
It was really great reconnecting with D’s family, that was probably one of the best parts. I love V and she’s like family to me too, but I never lost touch or contact with her, we’re just the same as we always were, since I met her 8 years ago. But I grew up with D’s family, he’s been my best friend since we were like 6 years old, and his family is my family. Since I moved to the UK five years ago, I think I’ve only seen them once, so it was really really great seeing them again and reforming those bonds. Or at the very least, seeing those bonds again and realizing they never really wore away to begin with. His mom kept trying to talk me into moving back there, and I have to admit that part of me was tempted.
The whole time I was there was busy and fun and lively, and it was great. And it kind of made me feel that I’m wasting my life here in England. Over there, basically every day was full and I got to see some of the people I really love. Over here I have my aunts, my grandparents, and S… and that’s about it. But then I had to remind myself what it was like living with my immediate family, most notably my mother’s husband. And the fact that it’s almost impossible to get a job there. And having to contend with the winters! We’re talking up to NEGATIVE 50 degrees. But mostly, I had to remind myself that I was never really happy there. Going there now and being happy and enjoying myself is a direct result of finding myself, which only happened when I moved here. At times I still feel lost and confused and like I don’t know who I am, but I’ve come a far, far way from the person I was when I lived there full time, before I moved away. And that move is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.
And of course, I could never up and leave and move away without my aunt. We’re a unit!
Holy Christ this is long. And I feel like I haven’t covered everything, but I’m not sure what else to say about the trip other than that it rocked. I’m going to make a more conscious effort to go back at least once a year for a three week visit. And maybe if I’m not going on any other trips (like Cancun this year), I’ll space it out and go twice? We’ll see!
As for food… the entire time I was there was basically a 16 day bingefest. When I came back, I was really jetlagged and barely ate and dropped at least a pound or two. My initial weigh in wasn’t accurate because although it was morning here, it was midnight back in Canada and I’d eaten a full day’s worth of food so my weight was all over. Still, only up 5lbs is a lot better than I was anticipating, even though it was only two weeks. This weekend was a baddish one… Friday we had fish and chips because we had my grandparents over so we could watch a football match together (my team won!). Saturday I had sushi out with S and then had a couple small things from a buffet at a wedding reception I had to go to, and a piece of (bad) wedding cake. And yesterday I had to go to my grandmother’s for a Sunday roast, and she piled on the veggies (though at least it was veggies and not fatty meats and pie or stuff).
Yet somehow, I’m still down around half a pound from Friday, so I can’t complain. I think maybe the two week binge kicked my metabolism in the teeth and got it raring up again, so now it’s still working hard to burn away what I am eating. Score! I better enjoy it while it lasts though because I doubt it’ll last long.
Anyway, this is really longwinded so I’m going to post it now and go get some work done. Let me know what you guys have all been up to while I’ve been away! I need to catch up on your blogs but it seems like so much so it might take a while to do. So drop me a comment to let me know how you’ve been and what you’ve been doing =]
Current weight, by the way: 209.8lbs. Still up from my start weight but there will be no more interruptions. I have three months to lose as much as I can for the beach. Countdown starts now!
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
Point Six
That's how much I'm down FINALLY, again. which makes it 5.6lbs lost to date, which isn't too bad I guess.
I'm absolutely fucking freezing. The air conditioning in this place is turned up high. And someone in the team across from me has decided to turn on the fluorescents over our banks of desks. So now, I also have a motherfucking headache.
My grandparents are coming over tonight to see me before I go away, and to give me some clothes to take over for my nephew. I’m tired, I can’t be bothered, and I *really* need to pack tonight.
Busy times.
I'm absolutely fucking freezing. The air conditioning in this place is turned up high. And someone in the team across from me has decided to turn on the fluorescents over our banks of desks. So now, I also have a motherfucking headache.
My grandparents are coming over tonight to see me before I go away, and to give me some clothes to take over for my nephew. I’m tired, I can’t be bothered, and I *really* need to pack tonight.
Busy times.
Saturday, 22 August 2009
6 down, 3 to go
I Started writing this post this morning as I was getting ready to go out, but of course my laptop decided to restart about half a sentence in, to install updates. Fuck you, Vista. Fuck. YOU.
So yesterday's random huge post-fast gain was indeed a fluke, as when I weighed myself this morning the scales showed 203.8, which means as of this morning I've managed to lose exactly 6lbs since last Friday, in six days. I've got until this coming Friday (August 28th) to lose another 4, which I think is achievable if I keep it up.
In the end the two small "treats" at work was all I ate yesterday so that probably helped a little bit.
Today, after getting my hair done (I love it, it's not super different but she cut off like 4 inches and really shortened my layers and chopped it much shorter and layered around the front, and blonderized me again), I met up with S and L and we went for lunch, as planned. Instead of sushi, though, we went to a Japanese noodle bar restaurant (that S and I have gone to before), since L can't stand sushi. He's a plain-fried-rice-with-chicken kind of guy and refuses to touch sushi at all.
Food consisted of a shared order of duck gyoza (dumplings), rice with breaded chicken and some manner of Oriental curry Sauce, and a couple scoops of coconut ice cream. All in all, I don't think it was *too* bad, and it probably helps that it's all I'm having to eat today. Still, I'll probably back up a little bit tomorrow. But, anything quickly gained can be lost quickly, too. That's how I try to think of it anyway.
Anyway, how is your weekend going? Drop me a comment and let me know what you've been up to if you want =] I'll probably post a photo of The New Hair when I get a chance, I really love it, even though I've been trying to grow it and now BOOM half my hair on the shop foor. Oh well. <3
It's just after 9:30 at night here and I'm totally restless. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm craving ice cream or something sweet but luckily we don't have anything sweet in the house. And the truth is, although I'm craving it I'm not actually in the mood to eat it, even though I realize that's a total contradiction.
Haha random interruption. My cat just walked into my bedroom, looked at me and went "Meow-ow-ow." So cute. She's so vocal and random and always talks to me. In this case, she was announcing her presence and demanding that I Scratch her neck, haha.
Anyway. I just really don't think I could even be bothered by the preparation of food at this point, even if I hadn't had the big lunch today.
I'm going to go try to find something to do, which is probably nothing aside from read and channel surf. Fun!
Oh yeah I just remembered, I got a book to read on the plane: Battle Royale (yep, the book the movie was based on! If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google it, it's awesome and violent and was apparently banned in Japan for being so controversial and political when it first came out) So I can't wait to start reading it!
So yesterday's random huge post-fast gain was indeed a fluke, as when I weighed myself this morning the scales showed 203.8, which means as of this morning I've managed to lose exactly 6lbs since last Friday, in six days. I've got until this coming Friday (August 28th) to lose another 4, which I think is achievable if I keep it up.
In the end the two small "treats" at work was all I ate yesterday so that probably helped a little bit.
Today, after getting my hair done (I love it, it's not super different but she cut off like 4 inches and really shortened my layers and chopped it much shorter and layered around the front, and blonderized me again), I met up with S and L and we went for lunch, as planned. Instead of sushi, though, we went to a Japanese noodle bar restaurant (that S and I have gone to before), since L can't stand sushi. He's a plain-fried-rice-with-chicken kind of guy and refuses to touch sushi at all.
Food consisted of a shared order of duck gyoza (dumplings), rice with breaded chicken and some manner of Oriental curry Sauce, and a couple scoops of coconut ice cream. All in all, I don't think it was *too* bad, and it probably helps that it's all I'm having to eat today. Still, I'll probably back up a little bit tomorrow. But, anything quickly gained can be lost quickly, too. That's how I try to think of it anyway.
Anyway, how is your weekend going? Drop me a comment and let me know what you've been up to if you want =] I'll probably post a photo of The New Hair when I get a chance, I really love it, even though I've been trying to grow it and now BOOM half my hair on the shop foor. Oh well. <3
It's just after 9:30 at night here and I'm totally restless. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm craving ice cream or something sweet but luckily we don't have anything sweet in the house. And the truth is, although I'm craving it I'm not actually in the mood to eat it, even though I realize that's a total contradiction.
Haha random interruption. My cat just walked into my bedroom, looked at me and went "Meow-ow-ow." So cute. She's so vocal and random and always talks to me. In this case, she was announcing her presence and demanding that I Scratch her neck, haha.
Anyway. I just really don't think I could even be bothered by the preparation of food at this point, even if I hadn't had the big lunch today.
I'm going to go try to find something to do, which is probably nothing aside from read and channel surf. Fun!
Oh yeah I just remembered, I got a book to read on the plane: Battle Royale (yep, the book the movie was based on! If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google it, it's awesome and violent and was apparently banned in Japan for being so controversial and political when it first came out) So I can't wait to start reading it!
Friday, 21 August 2009
That's more like it!
I've been super good tonight. I was tempted at one point but I trudged ahead and had nothing, so the two nibbles at work is all I ate today at all!
And my aunt wasn't on food nazi mode tonight. Instead they were on "bitch about me behind my back when they think I can't hear them" mode. Yeah. It pisses me off because the shit they were bitching about was wrong too.
I heard my aunt downstairs say "whose dishes are those?" and I remembered that my two plates from last night I put in the sink in the water with some of their dishes, went upstairs to do something, and forgot to go back downstairs to wash them. So yeah, that was my bad. Excepy, J turns about and says "They're ALL Vee's from last night." which is bullshit. Bull. Shit. Then I hear my aunt claim that she did dishes already last night and today and why is there my stuff just sitting in the sink. Then I hear them bitching that if "people" are going to eat upstairs the dishes must come down right after, and not be left in there.
Fine. BUT I DID NOT LEAVE MY SHIT UPSTAIRS and it's completely bullshit that my aunt claims to have done dishes today when the large plate and small plate I put in the sink LAST NIGHT are there now?
Then she started bitching because she "wouldn't mind if there was something of HERS there but why should she do it when it's not hers?" and I was thinking dude, what the fuck. I do her dishes all the fucking time. The other night when I decided to have pasta for dinner and The Migraine started, I had to come in, wash dishes and put them away, and even throw out rotting banana skins on the counter next to the stove. So why the fuck is it okay one way but not another?
I'm getting so sick of the god damn double standards here. When I get back from my holidays and pay them off I need to start saving to get the fuck out.
So that all left me feeling pissed off. I was up in my room laying down because I was still in agony and felt sick, and I didn't want to go downstairs to call them on their BS because I don't like confrontation. But I wanted to cry. And it's not the first time (I've mentioned in here before how they both were talking about having to cook group meals, and at the time they were bitching about other stuff, and how they were allocating me certain days in which I can do my laundry instead of hey, I can do it when I need to et al.)
But I'm trying to be positive. I just went for a shower and before I got in I weighed myself, and it read an even 204lbs. Which is MUCH more like the 206 that was on there this morning what the hell.
Of course it probably helps that I've had maybe 200 calories today. But, that's good becase hopefully I'll be down at least a little bit more before I have to go for sushi tomorrow. =]
And my aunt wasn't on food nazi mode tonight. Instead they were on "bitch about me behind my back when they think I can't hear them" mode. Yeah. It pisses me off because the shit they were bitching about was wrong too.
I heard my aunt downstairs say "whose dishes are those?" and I remembered that my two plates from last night I put in the sink in the water with some of their dishes, went upstairs to do something, and forgot to go back downstairs to wash them. So yeah, that was my bad. Excepy, J turns about and says "They're ALL Vee's from last night." which is bullshit. Bull. Shit. Then I hear my aunt claim that she did dishes already last night and today and why is there my stuff just sitting in the sink. Then I hear them bitching that if "people" are going to eat upstairs the dishes must come down right after, and not be left in there.
Fine. BUT I DID NOT LEAVE MY SHIT UPSTAIRS and it's completely bullshit that my aunt claims to have done dishes today when the large plate and small plate I put in the sink LAST NIGHT are there now?
Then she started bitching because she "wouldn't mind if there was something of HERS there but why should she do it when it's not hers?" and I was thinking dude, what the fuck. I do her dishes all the fucking time. The other night when I decided to have pasta for dinner and The Migraine started, I had to come in, wash dishes and put them away, and even throw out rotting banana skins on the counter next to the stove. So why the fuck is it okay one way but not another?
I'm getting so sick of the god damn double standards here. When I get back from my holidays and pay them off I need to start saving to get the fuck out.
So that all left me feeling pissed off. I was up in my room laying down because I was still in agony and felt sick, and I didn't want to go downstairs to call them on their BS because I don't like confrontation. But I wanted to cry. And it's not the first time (I've mentioned in here before how they both were talking about having to cook group meals, and at the time they were bitching about other stuff, and how they were allocating me certain days in which I can do my laundry instead of hey, I can do it when I need to et al.)
But I'm trying to be positive. I just went for a shower and before I got in I weighed myself, and it read an even 204lbs. Which is MUCH more like the 206 that was on there this morning what the hell.
Of course it probably helps that I've had maybe 200 calories today. But, that's good becase hopefully I'll be down at least a little bit more before I have to go for sushi tomorrow. =]
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Shit yes!
Before I went to bed last night I weighed myself again (I'm not obsessive AT ALL) and it was up to 206. BUT this morning when I woke up it was back down to 204.8 exactly, so I'm down 3lbs since yesterday!
I think it's safe to say that my little fast definitely did its job!
It's nearly 9am and I haven't eaten anything aside from water, Pepsi Max, and black coffee (with zero-cal sweeteners) since 6pm on Tuesday. And it feels great.
I am exhausted, and the hunger really set in about midnight last night when I was trying to get to sleep (and it took FOREVER to get to sleep because it was so effing hot as well) but today my stomach is not registering any hunger at all. I'm craving a couple different things, but I'm not actually physically hungry. Which is as bewildering as it is annoying. I mean, I'm kind of glad because ifI'm not hungry I have no valid REASON to eat, but on the other hand I LIKE the feeling of hunger, of my stomach rumbling and digesting itself.
Anyway, I'm going to see how today goes, I'm feeling a little lightheaded already (I'm such a lightweight, I know) so I may need *something* to keep myself going until I get home tonight around 5:30.
Have a great one!!
Vee xox
I think it's safe to say that my little fast definitely did its job!
It's nearly 9am and I haven't eaten anything aside from water, Pepsi Max, and black coffee (with zero-cal sweeteners) since 6pm on Tuesday. And it feels great.
I am exhausted, and the hunger really set in about midnight last night when I was trying to get to sleep (and it took FOREVER to get to sleep because it was so effing hot as well) but today my stomach is not registering any hunger at all. I'm craving a couple different things, but I'm not actually physically hungry. Which is as bewildering as it is annoying. I mean, I'm kind of glad because ifI'm not hungry I have no valid REASON to eat, but on the other hand I LIKE the feeling of hunger, of my stomach rumbling and digesting itself.
Anyway, I'm going to see how today goes, I'm feeling a little lightheaded already (I'm such a lightweight, I know) so I may need *something* to keep myself going until I get home tonight around 5:30.
Have a great one!!
Vee xox
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
Dude, For Serious??
Before I had a shower tonight, I hopped on the scale again. And it said 204.8.
Yeah, this morning it said 207.8 - so already tonight it's showing a loss of 3lbs??
I sure hope this sticks!
Yeah, this morning it said 207.8 - so already tonight it's showing a loss of 3lbs??
I sure hope this sticks!
24 Hours
As of right now it's been 24 hours since I last ate. I'm going to keep going until tomorrow, unsure whether I'll go until noon or 6pm, but we'll see. I'm aiming for 6 so it'll be a full 48 hours, though.
Yay! =]
Update: according to my scale I've lost 0.4lbs so far today, and I'm usually a couple pounds higher at night than I am when I weigh in the next morning. So excited!
Yay! =]
Update: according to my scale I've lost 0.4lbs so far today, and I'm usually a couple pounds higher at night than I am when I weigh in the next morning. So excited!
Motivated!
Today is a good day.
I woke up having lost the extra weight I've put on over the weekend/early this week/whenever, so my total loss since last Friday is back to 1.5lbs. Which is by no means exorbitant, but it will do. I worked an extra hour and a quarter at the beginning of the week so I decided to come in late today to use the extra time (now, since work has changed the way our "work-time" works, we can't work extra hours and take a day off, and if we've worked any extra at the end of the month, it's lost, it doesn't get paid as overtime and we can't use it to come in late the next month so all gains and deficits need to be evened out as soon as we can, basically). So I got to stay in bed until 8 (although I was awoken by the sunshine streaming into my room just ater 4) and for some reason, although I still didn't sleep fabulously last night, I feel... motivated and less zombie-like than usual.
Maybe it's a starvation high finally hitting? I mean I know I ate last night but I purged most of it, so it's possible. But I just feel so much more positive today. Plus, I'm zooming through my work. I've already done half a day's worth and I've only been in the office for just over an hour ;) It's 11:05 right now and I'm here til 4, and if I can finish all of my work for the day before say, 1, I can close them slowly throughout the afternoon and spend the afternoon on the internet and reading blogs instead and just take it easy.
I love days like this!
The fasting is going well too. I mean, it's only 11, and I've got that "I'm so hungry!" shaky feeling going on (entirely different from yesterday's "ohmygodi'mgoingothaveapanicattack" shakiness) which is kind of nice because it lets me KNOW my body is doing what I want it to do! I'm not even tempted to have anything to eat or whatever right now. Again, the downside is that I'm not hydrating - I only just realized I haven't had anything to drink in 12 hours =/ - so I need to go get some water.
And like I said before, my aunts will be out until at least 8ish tonight, so I can get away with having nothing at home =]
Such a good mood day. It's totally random but I'm liking it.
Anyway, off to finish the rest of these letters that need to be done. Hope you're all having a fabulous day too!
Vee xox
I woke up having lost the extra weight I've put on over the weekend/early this week/whenever, so my total loss since last Friday is back to 1.5lbs. Which is by no means exorbitant, but it will do. I worked an extra hour and a quarter at the beginning of the week so I decided to come in late today to use the extra time (now, since work has changed the way our "work-time" works, we can't work extra hours and take a day off, and if we've worked any extra at the end of the month, it's lost, it doesn't get paid as overtime and we can't use it to come in late the next month so all gains and deficits need to be evened out as soon as we can, basically). So I got to stay in bed until 8 (although I was awoken by the sunshine streaming into my room just ater 4) and for some reason, although I still didn't sleep fabulously last night, I feel... motivated and less zombie-like than usual.
Maybe it's a starvation high finally hitting? I mean I know I ate last night but I purged most of it, so it's possible. But I just feel so much more positive today. Plus, I'm zooming through my work. I've already done half a day's worth and I've only been in the office for just over an hour ;) It's 11:05 right now and I'm here til 4, and if I can finish all of my work for the day before say, 1, I can close them slowly throughout the afternoon and spend the afternoon on the internet and reading blogs instead and just take it easy.
I love days like this!
The fasting is going well too. I mean, it's only 11, and I've got that "I'm so hungry!" shaky feeling going on (entirely different from yesterday's "ohmygodi'mgoingothaveapanicattack" shakiness) which is kind of nice because it lets me KNOW my body is doing what I want it to do! I'm not even tempted to have anything to eat or whatever right now. Again, the downside is that I'm not hydrating - I only just realized I haven't had anything to drink in 12 hours =/ - so I need to go get some water.
And like I said before, my aunts will be out until at least 8ish tonight, so I can get away with having nothing at home =]
Such a good mood day. It's totally random but I'm liking it.
Anyway, off to finish the rest of these letters that need to be done. Hope you're all having a fabulous day too!
Vee xox
Saturday, 1 August 2009
Small Successes
So it's now 2:30 in the afternoon, and after having nothing to eat all morning and then 15 minutes of sporatic running/walking on my treadmill at the highest resistance (there are only 8 levels - and dude, I am SO out of shape, those 15 minutes were a struggle!) I'm back down to 206.2. So I'm only 0.4 up from yesterday right now which is not bad =]
Not meeting S and L until 7, and I'm not hungry at all, so it's looking good!
Not meeting S and L until 7, and I'm not hungry at all, so it's looking good!
Friday, 31 July 2009
Yay!
God you guys, considering how shittily this week started (what with the complete lack of sleep and the headachiness), it's turned out to be a fabulous week. I'm in such a good mood today! Not least of all because I'm down another 0.6 this morning - total loss this week now is 4.6lbs!
I didn't count the grapes this morning but it's probably around 20 (approx 60cals), since there weren't all that many left. A 10-calorie soup for lunch, and then we'll see when I get home. If I don't go to the store, it'll be a frozen meal. If I do, I'll pick up some more soups and have one of them to prep for tomorrow night's calories.
So happy todayyy =]
Hope everyone else has a great one too <3
I didn't count the grapes this morning but it's probably around 20 (approx 60cals), since there weren't all that many left. A 10-calorie soup for lunch, and then we'll see when I get home. If I don't go to the store, it'll be a frozen meal. If I do, I'll pick up some more soups and have one of them to prep for tomorrow night's calories.
So happy todayyy =]
Hope everyone else has a great one too <3
Thursday, 30 July 2009
I was wrong!
Haha so the current weight I posted yesterday was wrong. I put down 107.8 instead of 106.8. So the latter is where I really was. Obviously yesterday is a long day, if I didn't even know where I was.
Today is still down, not a huge amount, but still another 0.4, so nearly half a pound. Total loss so far is 4lbs, so I'm definitely on target to be down 5lbs total by Sunday =]
Thanks for all your comments last night, it was great coming online and seeing SEVEN new comments waiting for me. Love you all! I'll get replying back today, once I've got enough work done to take another break.
So, plan for today:
Breakfast
30 grapes (90calories)
Lunch
Skip
Dinner
10-cal soup (10 calories)
Daily total: 100
Bring it on!
Today is still down, not a huge amount, but still another 0.4, so nearly half a pound. Total loss so far is 4lbs, so I'm definitely on target to be down 5lbs total by Sunday =]
Thanks for all your comments last night, it was great coming online and seeing SEVEN new comments waiting for me. Love you all! I'll get replying back today, once I've got enough work done to take another break.
So, plan for today:
Breakfast
30 grapes (90calories)
Lunch
Skip
Dinner
10-cal soup (10 calories)
Daily total: 100
Bring it on!
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Morning!
I'll comment back to my comments a little later, I've got to be in a meeting in 20 minutes so I've got to make this quick.
After weigh-in this morning, I'm down 0.6lbs since yesterday. Which... I should be happy, but it tastes a lot like failure. I just have to keep telling myself at least it's a loss - I can't reasonably EXPECT to lose 1-2lbs per day consistently. I think the faster loss before is probably due to food and water weight, but at least right now I'm down 3.6lbs from last Thursday. Which, by all means, should be totally acceptable.
I'm not really disappointed in the lower loss, but I'm not ecstatic either. I'm kind of indifferent, if that makes sense.
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the 100 cal bag of popcorn last night FELT like a huge binge, even though it totally wasn't, so that set me up to feel like crap today. God, how lame is that?
Anyway. Plan for today:
Breakfast
26 Grapes : 76 calories
(I just pulled off three small bunches and counted them as I ate, so the number is totally random)
Lunch
10-cal soup : 10 calories
Dinner
Frozen meal : 294 calories
Total for the day: 380
Totally acceptable. =]
I AM craving ice cream to a ridiculous degree right now - but I don't have access to any and even if I do go to buy cat food and litter tonight, I won't buy any food unless it's fruit. If I can keep it up I may allow myself a scoop on Sunday as a reward, but can't overdo it, and won't have any until then. I really wish frozen yogurt was common here, it would make this so much easier. As it is, I might just see if they've got some lemon sorbet this weekend instead, the one I had from Tesco wasn't very caloriffic.
I can't believe how... easy this week has been. But, I've got to print off a load of documents and get ready for this meeting, so I'll save that for another post
Lots of Love
Vee xox
After weigh-in this morning, I'm down 0.6lbs since yesterday. Which... I should be happy, but it tastes a lot like failure. I just have to keep telling myself at least it's a loss - I can't reasonably EXPECT to lose 1-2lbs per day consistently. I think the faster loss before is probably due to food and water weight, but at least right now I'm down 3.6lbs from last Thursday. Which, by all means, should be totally acceptable.
I'm not really disappointed in the lower loss, but I'm not ecstatic either. I'm kind of indifferent, if that makes sense.
I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the 100 cal bag of popcorn last night FELT like a huge binge, even though it totally wasn't, so that set me up to feel like crap today. God, how lame is that?
Anyway. Plan for today:
Breakfast
26 Grapes : 76 calories
(I just pulled off three small bunches and counted them as I ate, so the number is totally random)
Lunch
10-cal soup : 10 calories
Dinner
Frozen meal : 294 calories
Total for the day: 380
Totally acceptable. =]
I AM craving ice cream to a ridiculous degree right now - but I don't have access to any and even if I do go to buy cat food and litter tonight, I won't buy any food unless it's fruit. If I can keep it up I may allow myself a scoop on Sunday as a reward, but can't overdo it, and won't have any until then. I really wish frozen yogurt was common here, it would make this so much easier. As it is, I might just see if they've got some lemon sorbet this weekend instead, the one I had from Tesco wasn't very caloriffic.
I can't believe how... easy this week has been. But, I've got to print off a load of documents and get ready for this meeting, so I'll save that for another post
Lots of Love
Vee xox
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
Can You Gimme A FUCK YES?!
Yesterday, I would not say was a very fabulous day. Food-wise I did pretty good, staying under my personal cap of 500. I know I'm not always going to be able to manage to stay that low, but at least if I've got a maximum goal in mind, it'll help... Also, for those interested, I gave up on the ABC deal a while ago again, obviously. I think I mentioned ages ago but.. I didn't like how strict the rules were. It's not like it was just a matter of limits being too low or anything, but like I said before, I prefer to be able to pick and choose my fast days. Sometimes it's easier to do than others, y'know?
Anyway, when I got home from work last night, I had a quick bite to eat and then immediately went upstairs to nap because I literally couldn't stand upright for another minute without falling over. I napped solidly from around 7 to 10, then woke up to get ready for bed (I would have just stayed in bed, but I HAD to get up to brush my teeth and get my retainer in - after all that pain and suffering I refuse to let my hard work be undone). It took a while to fall back to sleep though... and I slept kinda fitfully again. Although, I always do. I rarely ever sleep straight through for more than a couple of hours, and tend to wake up a thousand times during the night. At one point I also had a nightmare, but I can't really remember the specifics of it anymore. Except that at one part, my right ear was bleeding? No idea what that has to do with anything, really.
I'm getting off topic again, haha. Annyway, I remember waking up around 1 and realizing my cat wasn't on my bed, although the night before she went OUT at 1:30 so I wasn't too concerned. When I woke up just after 3 and she still wasn't in, though, I started worrying. My last cat was run over just outside our last house, my aunt's cat was hit by a car and lived, my aunt's previous cat was hit by a car and died, and two of our old neighbours' cats were run over and killed too. So, to say the very least, I AM PARANOID.
So I crept downstairs, intending to have a quick look outside to see if I could find her or call her in - but as soon as I got into the kitchen/dining room and looked at the door, I could see her little face peering at me through the catflap. I called to her and she meowed at me, but didn't come inside. So I pushed the cat-flap so it was open and she tucked her head and front paws part of the way through - then stopped. Then pulled back out and started meowing at me again. In the end, I had to unlock the back door and open it for her so she would come inside and go to bed. I have no idea what was up with her, she's never had an issue with the cat-flap before, but last night she refused to go through it *shrug*
But anyway, yesterday's restriction did the job. This morning I am exactly 2lbs lighter than I was yesterday morning, and that's put me in an amazing mood for the day. I'm still pretty tired, and the lack of food is making me slightly lightheaded at times, but it's worth it!
Today's plan is much like yesterday:
Breakfast: zilch
Lunch: 10-calorie chicken soup
Dinner: 220-calorie frozen meal
So, that brings my total to 230, which will be AMAZING if I can achieve it. I honestly can't remember the last time I managed to get my intake so low. And after yesterday, it really feels do-able, you know? Like the 220-calorie frozen dinner is probably more food but less calories than the little canned hot dogs I had last night, and when I went to bed I had no cravings and wasn't hungry at all.
So, yay!
Oops, just realized I've been at work for 40 minutes and havent' done anything but comment and blog yet, so I need to get some stuff done, hehe.
Talk to you all soon!
Also: a Shoutout to Samantha, whose comment on my last entry totally made my day, and Dot, whose constant comments remind me why I do this. You girls rock hard! <3
Vee xox
Anyway, when I got home from work last night, I had a quick bite to eat and then immediately went upstairs to nap because I literally couldn't stand upright for another minute without falling over. I napped solidly from around 7 to 10, then woke up to get ready for bed (I would have just stayed in bed, but I HAD to get up to brush my teeth and get my retainer in - after all that pain and suffering I refuse to let my hard work be undone). It took a while to fall back to sleep though... and I slept kinda fitfully again. Although, I always do. I rarely ever sleep straight through for more than a couple of hours, and tend to wake up a thousand times during the night. At one point I also had a nightmare, but I can't really remember the specifics of it anymore. Except that at one part, my right ear was bleeding? No idea what that has to do with anything, really.
I'm getting off topic again, haha. Annyway, I remember waking up around 1 and realizing my cat wasn't on my bed, although the night before she went OUT at 1:30 so I wasn't too concerned. When I woke up just after 3 and she still wasn't in, though, I started worrying. My last cat was run over just outside our last house, my aunt's cat was hit by a car and lived, my aunt's previous cat was hit by a car and died, and two of our old neighbours' cats were run over and killed too. So, to say the very least, I AM PARANOID.
So I crept downstairs, intending to have a quick look outside to see if I could find her or call her in - but as soon as I got into the kitchen/dining room and looked at the door, I could see her little face peering at me through the catflap. I called to her and she meowed at me, but didn't come inside. So I pushed the cat-flap so it was open and she tucked her head and front paws part of the way through - then stopped. Then pulled back out and started meowing at me again. In the end, I had to unlock the back door and open it for her so she would come inside and go to bed. I have no idea what was up with her, she's never had an issue with the cat-flap before, but last night she refused to go through it *shrug*
But anyway, yesterday's restriction did the job. This morning I am exactly 2lbs lighter than I was yesterday morning, and that's put me in an amazing mood for the day. I'm still pretty tired, and the lack of food is making me slightly lightheaded at times, but it's worth it!
Today's plan is much like yesterday:
Breakfast: zilch
Lunch: 10-calorie chicken soup
Dinner: 220-calorie frozen meal
So, that brings my total to 230, which will be AMAZING if I can achieve it. I honestly can't remember the last time I managed to get my intake so low. And after yesterday, it really feels do-able, you know? Like the 220-calorie frozen dinner is probably more food but less calories than the little canned hot dogs I had last night, and when I went to bed I had no cravings and wasn't hungry at all.
So, yay!
Oops, just realized I've been at work for 40 minutes and havent' done anything but comment and blog yet, so I need to get some stuff done, hehe.
Talk to you all soon!
Also: a Shoutout to Samantha, whose comment on my last entry totally made my day, and Dot, whose constant comments remind me why I do this. You girls rock hard! <3
Vee xox
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Planning!
Okay, babycakes!
Day one went alright. I went over but I don't think it was by much. I lost 0.2 since yesterday, I think I'm still retaining water weight from the massive alcohol-induced dehydration on the weekend. I feel bloated, which is different from fat. We'll see I guess. I haven't been drinking near enough water so it's possible my body is going "what the fuck dude" and retaining a lot of what I do drink so I don't pass out from lack of water? Can that even happen? I'm the one who fucking took Biology and Chem classes in high school instead of taking stupid-level-just-plain-science.
Something about seeking homeostasis. I eat a lot of salt and don't drink enough water. Ergo; I am bloated because of the salt and dehydrated due to lack of water in my actual body cells - because the salt in the bloodstream draws water out of the body cells to seek balance. Or maybe I have this backwards, maybe the sodium goes into the body cells and draws the water from the bloodstream into the body which would induce bloating, and also dehydration within the bloodstream.
The latter sounds more likely but I honestly can't remember if it works both ways around. I think it does. I need to do research because this is going to bother me now.
I'm such a fucking dork.
Anyway, this post is about planning!
I'm excited that Erika is doing ABC at the same time as me. Doing it with someone (ooh, naughty!) gives that little extra motivation! I was going to do this with my good friend K but she started while I was still pondering whether or not to do the plan again, so I'm a few days behind her. Erika and I both started yesterday though, so yay!
So. Today is day 2. Which means that it is a 500 calorie day.
Morning Weigh In: 203.6lbs *I want to note here that I weighed myself before bed last night and it read 202 even. Usually I'm 1-3lbs lighter in the morning, so clearly I'm fucked up right now*
Daily Calorie Cap: 500
Breakfast: Sausage Sandwich. My reasoning here is that I'm migraine-al and want something with a good amount of meat in it (protein) to try to beat it off. I think the headache could also be due to salt intake (I probably consume on a daily basis twice as much as is the recommended max for an adult =/) so I'm also going to buy a bottle of water and down it, and TRY to refill it and drink in total 3 bottles of water at work. I had to take home the water bottle I bought from Paperchase because the water from the drinks machine at work made it grow Algae. What. The. Shit?
Breakfast Calories: Approx 360. I'm overestimating with the meat a little bit because I don't know how much fat that shit is cooked in.
Lunch: Skip
Lunch Calories: 0
Dinner: Fat-Free Strawberry Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Daily Total Intake: 440
That's a number I'm comfortable with, only because it's under my cap for the day. I also feel like having the larger "meal" in the morning will help jumpstart my metabolism and give me longer to burn it off, instead of eating right before bedtime and going to sleep with food in my stomach.
The downside is that there are still hella boxes in my room and I can't get the damn treadmill out to use yet. Upside is that my aunt finally moved some boxes around in the spare room so we could set up my bookshelf last night so I can get my books unpacked, and a few other things that usually go on there (um yeah, I keep my hot rollers, my jewellery box, a bag of extra skincare stuff, my digital camera etc on the bottom shelf) AND I can finally move my computer into the spare room too, and unload another box of "Shit that goes on my desk" like blank CDs, some stationery and drawing pencils and notebooks, video games, magazines, etc etc.
That should get rid of the bigger box in my bedroom at least, the smaller one I can probably shove into the spare room - I can't unpack it until I get some kind of storage unit in place for my skincare and miscellaneous items. I own too much makeup/skincare / stationery.
I'm aiming to get all my books unpacked tonight at the very minimum, which should clear out about five half-filled boxes and two fully-filled boxes from the spare bedroom, which is a decent start!
Anyway, I've also planned out tomorrow, so I'll add that here too. I'll repost it tomorrow with my new weigh-in and that too.
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast: Special K with Soymilk
Breakfast Calories: 89
Lunch: Fat-Free Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner: Fat-Free Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Total: 289
I'm pretty sure there was something else I wanted to address here too, but I can't remember so it'll come later, if and when I can remember what I was.
Day one went alright. I went over but I don't think it was by much. I lost 0.2 since yesterday, I think I'm still retaining water weight from the massive alcohol-induced dehydration on the weekend. I feel bloated, which is different from fat. We'll see I guess. I haven't been drinking near enough water so it's possible my body is going "what the fuck dude" and retaining a lot of what I do drink so I don't pass out from lack of water? Can that even happen? I'm the one who fucking took Biology and Chem classes in high school instead of taking stupid-level-just-plain-science.
Something about seeking homeostasis. I eat a lot of salt and don't drink enough water. Ergo; I am bloated because of the salt and dehydrated due to lack of water in my actual body cells - because the salt in the bloodstream draws water out of the body cells to seek balance. Or maybe I have this backwards, maybe the sodium goes into the body cells and draws the water from the bloodstream into the body which would induce bloating, and also dehydration within the bloodstream.
The latter sounds more likely but I honestly can't remember if it works both ways around. I think it does. I need to do research because this is going to bother me now.
I'm such a fucking dork.
Anyway, this post is about planning!
I'm excited that Erika is doing ABC at the same time as me. Doing it with someone (ooh, naughty!) gives that little extra motivation! I was going to do this with my good friend K but she started while I was still pondering whether or not to do the plan again, so I'm a few days behind her. Erika and I both started yesterday though, so yay!
So. Today is day 2. Which means that it is a 500 calorie day.
Morning Weigh In: 203.6lbs *I want to note here that I weighed myself before bed last night and it read 202 even. Usually I'm 1-3lbs lighter in the morning, so clearly I'm fucked up right now*
Daily Calorie Cap: 500
Breakfast: Sausage Sandwich. My reasoning here is that I'm migraine-al and want something with a good amount of meat in it (protein) to try to beat it off. I think the headache could also be due to salt intake (I probably consume on a daily basis twice as much as is the recommended max for an adult =/) so I'm also going to buy a bottle of water and down it, and TRY to refill it and drink in total 3 bottles of water at work. I had to take home the water bottle I bought from Paperchase because the water from the drinks machine at work made it grow Algae. What. The. Shit?
Breakfast Calories: Approx 360. I'm overestimating with the meat a little bit because I don't know how much fat that shit is cooked in.
Lunch: Skip
Lunch Calories: 0
Dinner: Fat-Free Strawberry Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Daily Total Intake: 440
That's a number I'm comfortable with, only because it's under my cap for the day. I also feel like having the larger "meal" in the morning will help jumpstart my metabolism and give me longer to burn it off, instead of eating right before bedtime and going to sleep with food in my stomach.
The downside is that there are still hella boxes in my room and I can't get the damn treadmill out to use yet. Upside is that my aunt finally moved some boxes around in the spare room so we could set up my bookshelf last night so I can get my books unpacked, and a few other things that usually go on there (um yeah, I keep my hot rollers, my jewellery box, a bag of extra skincare stuff, my digital camera etc on the bottom shelf) AND I can finally move my computer into the spare room too, and unload another box of "Shit that goes on my desk" like blank CDs, some stationery and drawing pencils and notebooks, video games, magazines, etc etc.
That should get rid of the bigger box in my bedroom at least, the smaller one I can probably shove into the spare room - I can't unpack it until I get some kind of storage unit in place for my skincare and miscellaneous items. I own too much makeup/skincare / stationery.
I'm aiming to get all my books unpacked tonight at the very minimum, which should clear out about five half-filled boxes and two fully-filled boxes from the spare bedroom, which is a decent start!
Anyway, I've also planned out tomorrow, so I'll add that here too. I'll repost it tomorrow with my new weigh-in and that too.
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast: Special K with Soymilk
Breakfast Calories: 89
Lunch: Fat-Free Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner: Fat-Free Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Total: 289
I'm pretty sure there was something else I wanted to address here too, but I can't remember so it'll come later, if and when I can remember what I was.
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Confessional
So far, so good.
Last night I stuck to my guns and just had a 10 calorie chicken flavoured soup for dinner. Add two mugs of Dr Pepper Zero, and that was it last night. Added to the cereal-soymilk-yogurt at work and my daily total was 199 =]
So pleased with myself. Even moreso because my daily weigh in registered a drop of FIVE POUNDS since yesterday. Because of that, I'm feeling more comfortable admitting the current state of affairs. This morning I was 199.4lbs. I'm still in denial and can't bring myself to post the number that turned up yesterday, but I'm sure you can all do the simple math. And that is why I felt like a failure. I weighed MORE yesterday than I did when I started this blog.
But progress has been made and the big cut to my calorie intake seems to have done the job. I will readily admit that at least half of it is probably water weight, and some of the weigh in yesterday might have been water and bowel weight - but regardless of the reason for the numbers, the one that turned up yesterday was simply unacceptible.
Today I am planning more of the same. I've had my cereal, I've got another fat free yogurt for lunch, and I've got the 10-calorie soups in the cupboard at home. So all going according to plan today should be 199 calories again.
We may or may not be going to the cinema tonight. J wants to see the new Star Trek movie before she has her surgery (tomorrow) and my aunt said we'd go last night to get it in before the big surgery date. Of course, when I got home from work last night my aunt professed to being too tired and said we'd go tonight instead. J said she had a lot to do (getting all her things together for the hospital, and they're bringing the big TV from the old house tonight too) and wasn't sure we'd have time. Then my aunt was like "Well we don't have to go if you don't want to" and I really wanted to laugh. I wanted to say "J is the one that WANTS to go, you're the one making excuses not to" - especially since they just sat at home and watched tv until 11 anyway, so we might as well have gone to see the movie.
But, I'm digressing. All that is to say that we're planning to go to see it tonight, but then they're not sure it'll happen. We'll see.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I've got the day off work, and we're going with J to the hospital in the morning. She has to be there at 7. Ordinarily I would be near suicidal at that idea, because I am so desperately not a morning person. But since we moved into the new house my sleeping problems have grown more severe (fucking lack of decent curtains!!) so every day since we moved I've been awake between 5 and 5:30. So it's not really a big deal to have to leave around 6 tomorrow morning.
Then, I need to see if I can get my aunt to take me to the mall or to town or something because I need to pick up a couple things. It was my friend S's birthday last Friday and I'm going out with her on Saturday (shopping and planning our trip to Manchester next week and getting out free Starbucks and we're supposed to be lunching at Nandos, which is definitely going to be a challenge) so I need to pick up a card and a present. And I'm at a total loss. I've only known S since like October of last year, but she's quickly become one of my best friends (and I'm pretty sure she used to have an eating disorder because the last time we went out we were discussing diets and my aunts' surgery and she said "Just try the not-eating diet. I did that, and I used to weigh 6 stone until I met L (her boyfriend-now-fiancee)") But again, I'm digressing.
I'm not sure what to get for her. I know she's into Urban Decay makeup but I don't know what she already has and I don't want to buy her something she's already got. Ditto with cookbooks (specifically baking ones). So I might just buy her a leather wallet with butterflies on it that she saw when we went to River Island a couple of weeks ago. She'll probably expect it, because as she was agonizing over whether to get it or not I asked her then and there if she wanted me to get it for her birthday. But at least I know it's something she wants.
And then, I also need to get something for my grandmother. Christ, I can't remember if I blogged about this yesterday or if it was just in the email I sent S in the afternoon. Let me check, haha. Okay, no I didn't.
A couple of months ago I bought a few pairs of Rocket Dog flats. And I love them (I bought 2 each of 2 different styles, and the one style fit awesomely but the other style fits snug so I don't wear them often, even though they're nicer than the others). And, so does my grandmother. So I was going to get her a pair for cheap off of Ebay (where I got 3 of my 4 pairs from") for her birthday. They'd be perfect for summer, if we ever get a summer here.
Of course, then we moved, and I haven't had the internet for a week and a half. I was under the impression we'd have our broadband hooked up a couple of days after moving, but that's not the case. The old broadband was still hooked up, I think it's being disconnected today, and AOL said they couldn't hook theirs up until the old one was cut off. So, fun times. Anyway, now it's too late to order some in time for granny's birthday, since it's this Friday. So I'll probably get her a gift set from Lush or something.
I am queen of the cop-out gifts, it seems.
Anyway, I need to get some work done so I'll talk to you later.
Love you lots!
Vee xox
This is my new leaf. Watch me turn it over.
Last night I stuck to my guns and just had a 10 calorie chicken flavoured soup for dinner. Add two mugs of Dr Pepper Zero, and that was it last night. Added to the cereal-soymilk-yogurt at work and my daily total was 199 =]
So pleased with myself. Even moreso because my daily weigh in registered a drop of FIVE POUNDS since yesterday. Because of that, I'm feeling more comfortable admitting the current state of affairs. This morning I was 199.4lbs. I'm still in denial and can't bring myself to post the number that turned up yesterday, but I'm sure you can all do the simple math. And that is why I felt like a failure. I weighed MORE yesterday than I did when I started this blog.
But progress has been made and the big cut to my calorie intake seems to have done the job. I will readily admit that at least half of it is probably water weight, and some of the weigh in yesterday might have been water and bowel weight - but regardless of the reason for the numbers, the one that turned up yesterday was simply unacceptible.
Today I am planning more of the same. I've had my cereal, I've got another fat free yogurt for lunch, and I've got the 10-calorie soups in the cupboard at home. So all going according to plan today should be 199 calories again.
We may or may not be going to the cinema tonight. J wants to see the new Star Trek movie before she has her surgery (tomorrow) and my aunt said we'd go last night to get it in before the big surgery date. Of course, when I got home from work last night my aunt professed to being too tired and said we'd go tonight instead. J said she had a lot to do (getting all her things together for the hospital, and they're bringing the big TV from the old house tonight too) and wasn't sure we'd have time. Then my aunt was like "Well we don't have to go if you don't want to" and I really wanted to laugh. I wanted to say "J is the one that WANTS to go, you're the one making excuses not to" - especially since they just sat at home and watched tv until 11 anyway, so we might as well have gone to see the movie.
But, I'm digressing. All that is to say that we're planning to go to see it tonight, but then they're not sure it'll happen. We'll see.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I've got the day off work, and we're going with J to the hospital in the morning. She has to be there at 7. Ordinarily I would be near suicidal at that idea, because I am so desperately not a morning person. But since we moved into the new house my sleeping problems have grown more severe (fucking lack of decent curtains!!) so every day since we moved I've been awake between 5 and 5:30. So it's not really a big deal to have to leave around 6 tomorrow morning.
Then, I need to see if I can get my aunt to take me to the mall or to town or something because I need to pick up a couple things. It was my friend S's birthday last Friday and I'm going out with her on Saturday (shopping and planning our trip to Manchester next week and getting out free Starbucks and we're supposed to be lunching at Nandos, which is definitely going to be a challenge) so I need to pick up a card and a present. And I'm at a total loss. I've only known S since like October of last year, but she's quickly become one of my best friends (and I'm pretty sure she used to have an eating disorder because the last time we went out we were discussing diets and my aunts' surgery and she said "Just try the not-eating diet. I did that, and I used to weigh 6 stone until I met L (her boyfriend-now-fiancee)") But again, I'm digressing.
I'm not sure what to get for her. I know she's into Urban Decay makeup but I don't know what she already has and I don't want to buy her something she's already got. Ditto with cookbooks (specifically baking ones). So I might just buy her a leather wallet with butterflies on it that she saw when we went to River Island a couple of weeks ago. She'll probably expect it, because as she was agonizing over whether to get it or not I asked her then and there if she wanted me to get it for her birthday. But at least I know it's something she wants.
And then, I also need to get something for my grandmother. Christ, I can't remember if I blogged about this yesterday or if it was just in the email I sent S in the afternoon. Let me check, haha. Okay, no I didn't.
A couple of months ago I bought a few pairs of Rocket Dog flats. And I love them (I bought 2 each of 2 different styles, and the one style fit awesomely but the other style fits snug so I don't wear them often, even though they're nicer than the others). And, so does my grandmother. So I was going to get her a pair for cheap off of Ebay (where I got 3 of my 4 pairs from") for her birthday. They'd be perfect for summer, if we ever get a summer here.
Of course, then we moved, and I haven't had the internet for a week and a half. I was under the impression we'd have our broadband hooked up a couple of days after moving, but that's not the case. The old broadband was still hooked up, I think it's being disconnected today, and AOL said they couldn't hook theirs up until the old one was cut off. So, fun times. Anyway, now it's too late to order some in time for granny's birthday, since it's this Friday. So I'll probably get her a gift set from Lush or something.
I am queen of the cop-out gifts, it seems.
Anyway, I need to get some work done so I'll talk to you later.
Love you lots!
Vee xox
This is my new leaf. Watch me turn it over.
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