It’s funny. When my life gets real, or harder than usual, or frustrating, or I get stuck in a rut and don’t know what the fuck I want to do with my life, or feel lost and alone and dazed and confused… I want to run here more than anything else. There’s only so much that I can say, a limit to how honest I can be on personal blogs, on Twitter, on Facebook, et al. There’s nobody in my life that I can be completely 100% honest with about my feelings. Even food struggles aside, I’ve been feeling increasingly lost and alone and there’s nobody that I can really vent to, to be honest with, whose shoulder I can cry on unconditionally. This blog, in all its circle of understanding and anonymity, is my safe haven.
And yet, I disappear. For months on end. And even I have no idea why. I have full intentions of blogging daily, whether it be about the ED circle or just about life in general and the struggles I’m having internally on a daily basis. Yet invariably, I don’t. I can tell myself I don’t have the time, or I don’t know what to write, but let’s be honest – those things hardly stop me when I really need or want to write. And I’ve needed and wanted to write for months now but just… haven’t. Apathy maybe? Perhaps I’m basking in my sense of disorientation. I feel I don’t deserve the support that I know I will get here.
I guess this is all to say, I’m back, and it’s far later than it should have been. To kick off the blog again, I’m going to attempt to throw myself into ABC again. With all the other bullshit-and-absolutely-nothing going on in my life, concentrating so heavily on this one little 50 day goal might help me keep my head above water. I need something to provide me with focus, and god knows nothing else in my life is providing it.
So far today has been a good day. I have two thirds of a pot of porridge this morning (which, might I say, was disgusting. I hate the texture of that stuff) to total me approximately 140 calories. Day one is 500, so I have an even 360 to last me the rest of the day. Honestly though I don’t even want to eat anything. I’m not hungry, physically or craving in my mind.
All I want to do is go home, climb into bed with my purring kitten, and be dead to the world for twelve hours, until I’m forced to get up and do it all over again. The blanket of despair and self-hatred that covers me at this time is thicker than it has been in a long, long while. It’s all the better for hibernating against the cold snap that’s hit England lately. And hibernating I have been. And in all likelihood, will continue to do. Until I can snap myself out of this deep depression enough to give a shit about anything in my life again, anyway.
We shall see.
Love you all.
V
Showing posts with label abc. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abc. Show all posts
Tuesday, 14 February 2012
Friday, 1 January 2010
Happy New Year! & Day One
So, back into the ABC world I go.
But before I get into that, last night!
Last night was pretty awesome. My makeup looked fabulous, but my camera wouldn't take a decent picture, nevermind the fact that my face looked effing HUGE in all of them. Sigh.
But anyway. At first I was really not looking forward to going out. I was exhausted and I'm already basically broke and payday isn't for another 3-4 weeks. Plus, the place H and S2 decided to go was horrible. For some reason, before heading to the gayclub that was the night's destination, they decided they wanted to start off in this really grungy area full of hobos and chavs and dirty old men. The first pub we went into had karaoke on, and a group if about 6 uber-chavvy guys and this woman who wasn't quite all there mentally kept trying their best to DESTROY THE WORLD with their vocals. It was horrible but kind of amusing. Who knew the chav-dance was derived from the ever-terrible dad-dance?
From there we went to another pub, which was more of the same crap, but less karaoke and more dirty old men and Motown music that kept skipping.
Finally got to the gayclub and in the end it was a decent night out. A friend's partner somehow managed to get me cage-dancing with her at one point. Apparently my aunt got it on video, BUT IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. I hit my Most New Year's Kisses last year... Two lesbian friends of ours, H's husband, and some random gay dude I have never met. This adorable drag queen came over to give me a hug too, and she was so sweet. She looked good, unlike a lot of bad crossdressers that tend to frequent that place, but seemed really shy and quiet and was mostly sat on her own. She danced with us for a while before we left.
It was a night of revelations too. While we were sitting with some drinks after the dancing and just before leaving, my aunt turned to me and asked "V, what's your opinion on men dressed in women's clothes?" And I just shrugged, you know, to each their own. I don't care. I'm friends with drag queens, my best guyfriend is gay, and my sister is marrying a crossdresser. It's all good. Well apparently our buddy S2, H's hubby, occasionally cross-dresses. And I guess he was scared about how we would take it. He told my aunts after much hesitation but in the end he couldn't bring himself to tell me and got my aunt to do it. Which is weird, I suppose maybe he wasn't sure how we'd react and what I'd think. Pff, whatever.
Of course now we've got plans to take him out on the town in full regalia and I'm on Makeup Artist duties. Which actually sounds like a shitton of fun.
The downside is he has better legs than any of the women in the club. Bastard.
So, we got home maybe around 2? And had something to eat (a cheese toastie each made in these handy toaster packet things) before bed. And it was absolutely fucking freezing, so I grabbed my hot water bottle and put the kettle on to fill it up and make J a cup of coffee. Only, while I was filling the hot water bottle, I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing (I can't even blame it on intoxication as I was only slightly inebriated and hangover-free) and poured boiling water all over my thumb. The damage is concentrated mostly on the top hanlf, only a little bit of scalding extending below the joint. But fuckshit it hurt like a mother.
In the end I didn't get to sleep until after 5:30 because the pain was so intense. I wound up with an ice pack on it, but after a while that wasn't cold enough anymore, so I got a face cloth and a mug of cold-cold water and kept dipping the cloth in water and wrapping it around my thumb. The only problem is, once the heat had transferred and the cloth wasn't icy anymore, it started burning all over again so I had to repeat. It took forever to get to sleep and a corner of my bed is still damp from the wet cloths.
In the end I managed to get to sleep though - after I decided that cutting off the blood flow to the burned area might make it hurt less / at least stop throbbing, so I wrapped a hair elastic several times around under the knuckle. Sure enough, as the blood flow slowed, the burning sensation mostly went away and I was able to pass out. OF COURSE this probably wasn't the best idea. When I woke up this morning, I couldn't feel my thumb at all and when I took the elastic band off, there was a deep mark in my skin where it had bitten into the flesh for several hours, and it looked pretty bruised from the pressure. Oops!
Whatever though, at least I got some fucking sleep!
It's still sore today but not really burny-throbby thank goodness, so at least I didn't sear the flesh off or anything, ew.
Upside to today, is that I'm down 2lbs from yesterday. Which gives me a net weight loss of 4.8lbs since we got home from Mexico. Granted, that was a week and a half ago, but progress is progress, right? I'm not comfortable enough with my numbers to post them here yet, but once I manage to get back into the 100's (i'm not THAT far above but still self-conscious about it) I will. In the meantime I'm keeping track in a spreadsheet.
So today is Day 1 of my ABC. I might wind up a little over, as I couldn't get out of going to McDonald's for lunch. Had a burger, a couple of fries (literally only a couple, I gave the rest to J), and a Sprite to drink, and the calories are 510 according to an online source. I felt really sick and thought I was going to vomit before we left, but I didn't and I have mixed feelings. Throwing up = involuntary purging which means no calories but I don't have to feel guilty about inducing a purge and turning to Mia's "dark side." On the other hand, purging is purging and I hate being sick and hoping for an "involuntary" purge still makes it Mia, doesn't it?
So, I kept it down. It's nearly 4pm and I'm 10 calories over my limit for today, but that's not so bad. My aunt knows I felt sick earlier though so I can probably quite easily get out of eating anything else for the rest of the day. So Day 1 is mostly a success, I think, as long as I can keep away from food for the rest of the day =]
Day 2 tomorrow is another 500 day which should be easy enough - I'm going out with S and maybe L tomorrow and we're meeting for coffee, so I might just get a plain coffee with skimmed milk and splenda, eat nothing and when I get home I can tell my aunt that we went to lunch and I stuffed myself so I'm not hungry for anything to eat for dinner.
Day 3 on Sunday is going to be difficult though. It's a 300 calorie day, but I've got my grandparents coming over for Sunday Dinner with turkey-etc. I'll probably wind up going a little over, but I figure my aunts know "I'm on a diet" so whatever is served to me I do not need to feel obligated to finish it at all, and shouldn't get a lot of hack for leaving food on my plate. I think what I might do it just eat like, half of what's served to me. The calories shouldn't be TOO bad - we are having turkey, Stovetop Stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy, but the rest is just veggies like cabbage and maybe cauliflower. It will probably still be over 300 though. I'll just have to compensate on Monday and cut my calories down a bit further I guess.
Anyway, that's the plan for the next few days. Today I'm still super tired, but I need to sort my room out. I still haven't unpacked, haha, so it looks so cluttered in here!
Happy New Year to you all! What are your resolutions? Beside the obvious lol.
My resolutions are to:
1. Lose at least 50lbs by the time I go to Canada in the summer (that's a conservative 10lbs a month and that should be doable, right?)
2. Continue my Japanese learning and use at least one medium each day (Rosetta Stone, DS Game, Kana flashcards)
3. Draw up a list of weight loss rewards and stick to it!
4. Join a gym and go at least 3 times every week for an average of 2 hours a day. Ideally more but this will be my minimum.
5. See ABC through to the very end!
6. Find someone to love
There was more that I wanted to definitely accomplish this year, but now that it comes to writing it out, I can't quite remember what they were =/
Anyway I'm going to go for a nap! Have a great one, skinnies!
Vee xox
But before I get into that, last night!
Last night was pretty awesome. My makeup looked fabulous, but my camera wouldn't take a decent picture, nevermind the fact that my face looked effing HUGE in all of them. Sigh.
But anyway. At first I was really not looking forward to going out. I was exhausted and I'm already basically broke and payday isn't for another 3-4 weeks. Plus, the place H and S2 decided to go was horrible. For some reason, before heading to the gayclub that was the night's destination, they decided they wanted to start off in this really grungy area full of hobos and chavs and dirty old men. The first pub we went into had karaoke on, and a group if about 6 uber-chavvy guys and this woman who wasn't quite all there mentally kept trying their best to DESTROY THE WORLD with their vocals. It was horrible but kind of amusing. Who knew the chav-dance was derived from the ever-terrible dad-dance?
From there we went to another pub, which was more of the same crap, but less karaoke and more dirty old men and Motown music that kept skipping.
Finally got to the gayclub and in the end it was a decent night out. A friend's partner somehow managed to get me cage-dancing with her at one point. Apparently my aunt got it on video, BUT IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. I hit my Most New Year's Kisses last year... Two lesbian friends of ours, H's husband, and some random gay dude I have never met. This adorable drag queen came over to give me a hug too, and she was so sweet. She looked good, unlike a lot of bad crossdressers that tend to frequent that place, but seemed really shy and quiet and was mostly sat on her own. She danced with us for a while before we left.
It was a night of revelations too. While we were sitting with some drinks after the dancing and just before leaving, my aunt turned to me and asked "V, what's your opinion on men dressed in women's clothes?" And I just shrugged, you know, to each their own. I don't care. I'm friends with drag queens, my best guyfriend is gay, and my sister is marrying a crossdresser. It's all good. Well apparently our buddy S2, H's hubby, occasionally cross-dresses. And I guess he was scared about how we would take it. He told my aunts after much hesitation but in the end he couldn't bring himself to tell me and got my aunt to do it. Which is weird, I suppose maybe he wasn't sure how we'd react and what I'd think. Pff, whatever.
Of course now we've got plans to take him out on the town in full regalia and I'm on Makeup Artist duties. Which actually sounds like a shitton of fun.
The downside is he has better legs than any of the women in the club. Bastard.
So, we got home maybe around 2? And had something to eat (a cheese toastie each made in these handy toaster packet things) before bed. And it was absolutely fucking freezing, so I grabbed my hot water bottle and put the kettle on to fill it up and make J a cup of coffee. Only, while I was filling the hot water bottle, I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing (I can't even blame it on intoxication as I was only slightly inebriated and hangover-free) and poured boiling water all over my thumb. The damage is concentrated mostly on the top hanlf, only a little bit of scalding extending below the joint. But fuckshit it hurt like a mother.
In the end I didn't get to sleep until after 5:30 because the pain was so intense. I wound up with an ice pack on it, but after a while that wasn't cold enough anymore, so I got a face cloth and a mug of cold-cold water and kept dipping the cloth in water and wrapping it around my thumb. The only problem is, once the heat had transferred and the cloth wasn't icy anymore, it started burning all over again so I had to repeat. It took forever to get to sleep and a corner of my bed is still damp from the wet cloths.
In the end I managed to get to sleep though - after I decided that cutting off the blood flow to the burned area might make it hurt less / at least stop throbbing, so I wrapped a hair elastic several times around under the knuckle. Sure enough, as the blood flow slowed, the burning sensation mostly went away and I was able to pass out. OF COURSE this probably wasn't the best idea. When I woke up this morning, I couldn't feel my thumb at all and when I took the elastic band off, there was a deep mark in my skin where it had bitten into the flesh for several hours, and it looked pretty bruised from the pressure. Oops!
Whatever though, at least I got some fucking sleep!
It's still sore today but not really burny-throbby thank goodness, so at least I didn't sear the flesh off or anything, ew.
Upside to today, is that I'm down 2lbs from yesterday. Which gives me a net weight loss of 4.8lbs since we got home from Mexico. Granted, that was a week and a half ago, but progress is progress, right? I'm not comfortable enough with my numbers to post them here yet, but once I manage to get back into the 100's (i'm not THAT far above but still self-conscious about it) I will. In the meantime I'm keeping track in a spreadsheet.
So today is Day 1 of my ABC. I might wind up a little over, as I couldn't get out of going to McDonald's for lunch. Had a burger, a couple of fries (literally only a couple, I gave the rest to J), and a Sprite to drink, and the calories are 510 according to an online source. I felt really sick and thought I was going to vomit before we left, but I didn't and I have mixed feelings. Throwing up = involuntary purging which means no calories but I don't have to feel guilty about inducing a purge and turning to Mia's "dark side." On the other hand, purging is purging and I hate being sick and hoping for an "involuntary" purge still makes it Mia, doesn't it?
So, I kept it down. It's nearly 4pm and I'm 10 calories over my limit for today, but that's not so bad. My aunt knows I felt sick earlier though so I can probably quite easily get out of eating anything else for the rest of the day. So Day 1 is mostly a success, I think, as long as I can keep away from food for the rest of the day =]
Day 2 tomorrow is another 500 day which should be easy enough - I'm going out with S and maybe L tomorrow and we're meeting for coffee, so I might just get a plain coffee with skimmed milk and splenda, eat nothing and when I get home I can tell my aunt that we went to lunch and I stuffed myself so I'm not hungry for anything to eat for dinner.
Day 3 on Sunday is going to be difficult though. It's a 300 calorie day, but I've got my grandparents coming over for Sunday Dinner with turkey-etc. I'll probably wind up going a little over, but I figure my aunts know "I'm on a diet" so whatever is served to me I do not need to feel obligated to finish it at all, and shouldn't get a lot of hack for leaving food on my plate. I think what I might do it just eat like, half of what's served to me. The calories shouldn't be TOO bad - we are having turkey, Stovetop Stuffing and mashed potatoes and gravy, but the rest is just veggies like cabbage and maybe cauliflower. It will probably still be over 300 though. I'll just have to compensate on Monday and cut my calories down a bit further I guess.
Anyway, that's the plan for the next few days. Today I'm still super tired, but I need to sort my room out. I still haven't unpacked, haha, so it looks so cluttered in here!
Happy New Year to you all! What are your resolutions? Beside the obvious lol.
My resolutions are to:
1. Lose at least 50lbs by the time I go to Canada in the summer (that's a conservative 10lbs a month and that should be doable, right?)
2. Continue my Japanese learning and use at least one medium each day (Rosetta Stone, DS Game, Kana flashcards)
3. Draw up a list of weight loss rewards and stick to it!
4. Join a gym and go at least 3 times every week for an average of 2 hours a day. Ideally more but this will be my minimum.
5. See ABC through to the very end!
6. Find someone to love
There was more that I wanted to definitely accomplish this year, but now that it comes to writing it out, I can't quite remember what they were =/
Anyway I'm going to go for a nap! Have a great one, skinnies!
Vee xox
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Trying to Stay Motivated
This morning I woke up exactly the same as I did yesterday. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But I'm so stressed out and depressed right now, it's stupid. I don't even have a real reason to be stressed out and depressed, so maybe I'm just going through a bit of a downer phase. The very thought of trying to find space to unpack all of my shit makes me want to pass out. Honestly, I have SO MUCH SHIT. And I can't even think of anything to get rid of. Because damn it, I spent good money on accumulating this shit, and the minute I throw it away is the minute I'll need it again.
I'm such a damn pack rat.
I have so much art "stuff". Sketch books and artist pencils and charcoal and fine-tipped pens for inking in line art. But the sad truth is that I haven't touched a sketch book in... well. Over a year at least, I haven't touched any of it since I moved in with my aunts. I love to draw, but my perfectionism outweighs the level of my talent and whenever I try, I just get pissed off. It doesn't help that ALL I can draw are cartooney figures. And even then, only chicks. So really, what's the point, right?
And yet, I keep it. I've always been very creative and artistic, and even though I haven't touched any of it in over a year, it feels like a sin to get rid of it.
Ditto with my guitar. I wanted a guitar for YEARS. When I moved here, the first year I was here, on November 12th 2004, my aunt bought me a second-hand acoustic from a cash converters place. Early Christmas present. And I was SO excited. I printed off guitar tabs from the internet and set to work trying to learn, well, anything.
That was nearly five years ago, and I can only play one song. I can fumble through another VERY, retardedly, slowly. I almost never try. It feels like a lost cause because I've been learning so god damn slowly, don't know where to start.
This has given me a little bit of insight into my too-ready-to-give-up nature. And realizing it makes me more determined than ever to prove myself wrong and reach ONE of my god damn goals. Every other goal I've set just never happened.
Learn to play guitar.
Learn to speak Japanese (still in progress, though)
Get a university degree to be proud of, and then a "real job".
Finish writing my book before I'm 25.
That last one makes me both want to laugh and cry.
I started writing it in high school. Scrapped it and restarted it like four times so far. Right now, I'm 23 years old, and I have nine pages in a word document. Nine. Fucking. Pages. And everytime I go to write more, I have no motivation, no level of creativity, I don't know what to write. When I force myself to write another paragraph, two paragraphs, a page, I wind up deleting it because the beginning of the story flows and reads okay, but everything I add on reads so dumb and fucking redundant.
But the goal to hit 120lbs? I will fucking damn well get there. Today is a set back, in that my weight is the exact same, down to the tenth of a pound, as it was yesterday. But I'll get there. I have to.
So, today's planning. I had to deviate from what I wrote yesterday because I forgot to put my milk-cooler-thing into the freezer last night.
Morning Weigh-In: 203.6lbs
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast Plan: Vitality Probiotic Drink
Breakfast Calories: 67
Lunch Plan: Vanilla Muller Light Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner Plan: Chicken 10-Calorie Soup
Dinner Calories: 10
Snack Plan: Strawberry Muller Light Yogurt
Snack Calories: 100
Total: 277 calories
The snack is provisional. I'm not banking on having it, but I'm making it an option if I feel like I need something else. I'd rather fill up on 100 calories worth of yogurt than grap a maple syrup granola bar or something. Anyway, it's there if I really want something else in the evening.
God, I'm so tired. Wish me luck for today, I'll need it just to stop from falling asleep at my desk.
Vee xox
I'm such a damn pack rat.
I have so much art "stuff". Sketch books and artist pencils and charcoal and fine-tipped pens for inking in line art. But the sad truth is that I haven't touched a sketch book in... well. Over a year at least, I haven't touched any of it since I moved in with my aunts. I love to draw, but my perfectionism outweighs the level of my talent and whenever I try, I just get pissed off. It doesn't help that ALL I can draw are cartooney figures. And even then, only chicks. So really, what's the point, right?
And yet, I keep it. I've always been very creative and artistic, and even though I haven't touched any of it in over a year, it feels like a sin to get rid of it.
Ditto with my guitar. I wanted a guitar for YEARS. When I moved here, the first year I was here, on November 12th 2004, my aunt bought me a second-hand acoustic from a cash converters place. Early Christmas present. And I was SO excited. I printed off guitar tabs from the internet and set to work trying to learn, well, anything.
That was nearly five years ago, and I can only play one song. I can fumble through another VERY, retardedly, slowly. I almost never try. It feels like a lost cause because I've been learning so god damn slowly, don't know where to start.
This has given me a little bit of insight into my too-ready-to-give-up nature. And realizing it makes me more determined than ever to prove myself wrong and reach ONE of my god damn goals. Every other goal I've set just never happened.
Learn to play guitar.
Learn to speak Japanese (still in progress, though)
Get a university degree to be proud of, and then a "real job".
Finish writing my book before I'm 25.
That last one makes me both want to laugh and cry.
I started writing it in high school. Scrapped it and restarted it like four times so far. Right now, I'm 23 years old, and I have nine pages in a word document. Nine. Fucking. Pages. And everytime I go to write more, I have no motivation, no level of creativity, I don't know what to write. When I force myself to write another paragraph, two paragraphs, a page, I wind up deleting it because the beginning of the story flows and reads okay, but everything I add on reads so dumb and fucking redundant.
But the goal to hit 120lbs? I will fucking damn well get there. Today is a set back, in that my weight is the exact same, down to the tenth of a pound, as it was yesterday. But I'll get there. I have to.
So, today's planning. I had to deviate from what I wrote yesterday because I forgot to put my milk-cooler-thing into the freezer last night.
Morning Weigh-In: 203.6lbs
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast Plan: Vitality Probiotic Drink
Breakfast Calories: 67
Lunch Plan: Vanilla Muller Light Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner Plan: Chicken 10-Calorie Soup
Dinner Calories: 10
Snack Plan: Strawberry Muller Light Yogurt
Snack Calories: 100
Total: 277 calories
The snack is provisional. I'm not banking on having it, but I'm making it an option if I feel like I need something else. I'd rather fill up on 100 calories worth of yogurt than grap a maple syrup granola bar or something. Anyway, it's there if I really want something else in the evening.
God, I'm so tired. Wish me luck for today, I'll need it just to stop from falling asleep at my desk.
Vee xox
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Planning!
Okay, babycakes!
Day one went alright. I went over but I don't think it was by much. I lost 0.2 since yesterday, I think I'm still retaining water weight from the massive alcohol-induced dehydration on the weekend. I feel bloated, which is different from fat. We'll see I guess. I haven't been drinking near enough water so it's possible my body is going "what the fuck dude" and retaining a lot of what I do drink so I don't pass out from lack of water? Can that even happen? I'm the one who fucking took Biology and Chem classes in high school instead of taking stupid-level-just-plain-science.
Something about seeking homeostasis. I eat a lot of salt and don't drink enough water. Ergo; I am bloated because of the salt and dehydrated due to lack of water in my actual body cells - because the salt in the bloodstream draws water out of the body cells to seek balance. Or maybe I have this backwards, maybe the sodium goes into the body cells and draws the water from the bloodstream into the body which would induce bloating, and also dehydration within the bloodstream.
The latter sounds more likely but I honestly can't remember if it works both ways around. I think it does. I need to do research because this is going to bother me now.
I'm such a fucking dork.
Anyway, this post is about planning!
I'm excited that Erika is doing ABC at the same time as me. Doing it with someone (ooh, naughty!) gives that little extra motivation! I was going to do this with my good friend K but she started while I was still pondering whether or not to do the plan again, so I'm a few days behind her. Erika and I both started yesterday though, so yay!
So. Today is day 2. Which means that it is a 500 calorie day.
Morning Weigh In: 203.6lbs *I want to note here that I weighed myself before bed last night and it read 202 even. Usually I'm 1-3lbs lighter in the morning, so clearly I'm fucked up right now*
Daily Calorie Cap: 500
Breakfast: Sausage Sandwich. My reasoning here is that I'm migraine-al and want something with a good amount of meat in it (protein) to try to beat it off. I think the headache could also be due to salt intake (I probably consume on a daily basis twice as much as is the recommended max for an adult =/) so I'm also going to buy a bottle of water and down it, and TRY to refill it and drink in total 3 bottles of water at work. I had to take home the water bottle I bought from Paperchase because the water from the drinks machine at work made it grow Algae. What. The. Shit?
Breakfast Calories: Approx 360. I'm overestimating with the meat a little bit because I don't know how much fat that shit is cooked in.
Lunch: Skip
Lunch Calories: 0
Dinner: Fat-Free Strawberry Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Daily Total Intake: 440
That's a number I'm comfortable with, only because it's under my cap for the day. I also feel like having the larger "meal" in the morning will help jumpstart my metabolism and give me longer to burn it off, instead of eating right before bedtime and going to sleep with food in my stomach.
The downside is that there are still hella boxes in my room and I can't get the damn treadmill out to use yet. Upside is that my aunt finally moved some boxes around in the spare room so we could set up my bookshelf last night so I can get my books unpacked, and a few other things that usually go on there (um yeah, I keep my hot rollers, my jewellery box, a bag of extra skincare stuff, my digital camera etc on the bottom shelf) AND I can finally move my computer into the spare room too, and unload another box of "Shit that goes on my desk" like blank CDs, some stationery and drawing pencils and notebooks, video games, magazines, etc etc.
That should get rid of the bigger box in my bedroom at least, the smaller one I can probably shove into the spare room - I can't unpack it until I get some kind of storage unit in place for my skincare and miscellaneous items. I own too much makeup/skincare / stationery.
I'm aiming to get all my books unpacked tonight at the very minimum, which should clear out about five half-filled boxes and two fully-filled boxes from the spare bedroom, which is a decent start!
Anyway, I've also planned out tomorrow, so I'll add that here too. I'll repost it tomorrow with my new weigh-in and that too.
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast: Special K with Soymilk
Breakfast Calories: 89
Lunch: Fat-Free Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner: Fat-Free Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Total: 289
I'm pretty sure there was something else I wanted to address here too, but I can't remember so it'll come later, if and when I can remember what I was.
Day one went alright. I went over but I don't think it was by much. I lost 0.2 since yesterday, I think I'm still retaining water weight from the massive alcohol-induced dehydration on the weekend. I feel bloated, which is different from fat. We'll see I guess. I haven't been drinking near enough water so it's possible my body is going "what the fuck dude" and retaining a lot of what I do drink so I don't pass out from lack of water? Can that even happen? I'm the one who fucking took Biology and Chem classes in high school instead of taking stupid-level-just-plain-science.
Something about seeking homeostasis. I eat a lot of salt and don't drink enough water. Ergo; I am bloated because of the salt and dehydrated due to lack of water in my actual body cells - because the salt in the bloodstream draws water out of the body cells to seek balance. Or maybe I have this backwards, maybe the sodium goes into the body cells and draws the water from the bloodstream into the body which would induce bloating, and also dehydration within the bloodstream.
The latter sounds more likely but I honestly can't remember if it works both ways around. I think it does. I need to do research because this is going to bother me now.
I'm such a fucking dork.
Anyway, this post is about planning!
I'm excited that Erika is doing ABC at the same time as me. Doing it with someone (ooh, naughty!) gives that little extra motivation! I was going to do this with my good friend K but she started while I was still pondering whether or not to do the plan again, so I'm a few days behind her. Erika and I both started yesterday though, so yay!
So. Today is day 2. Which means that it is a 500 calorie day.
Morning Weigh In: 203.6lbs *I want to note here that I weighed myself before bed last night and it read 202 even. Usually I'm 1-3lbs lighter in the morning, so clearly I'm fucked up right now*
Daily Calorie Cap: 500
Breakfast: Sausage Sandwich. My reasoning here is that I'm migraine-al and want something with a good amount of meat in it (protein) to try to beat it off. I think the headache could also be due to salt intake (I probably consume on a daily basis twice as much as is the recommended max for an adult =/) so I'm also going to buy a bottle of water and down it, and TRY to refill it and drink in total 3 bottles of water at work. I had to take home the water bottle I bought from Paperchase because the water from the drinks machine at work made it grow Algae. What. The. Shit?
Breakfast Calories: Approx 360. I'm overestimating with the meat a little bit because I don't know how much fat that shit is cooked in.
Lunch: Skip
Lunch Calories: 0
Dinner: Fat-Free Strawberry Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Daily Total Intake: 440
That's a number I'm comfortable with, only because it's under my cap for the day. I also feel like having the larger "meal" in the morning will help jumpstart my metabolism and give me longer to burn it off, instead of eating right before bedtime and going to sleep with food in my stomach.
The downside is that there are still hella boxes in my room and I can't get the damn treadmill out to use yet. Upside is that my aunt finally moved some boxes around in the spare room so we could set up my bookshelf last night so I can get my books unpacked, and a few other things that usually go on there (um yeah, I keep my hot rollers, my jewellery box, a bag of extra skincare stuff, my digital camera etc on the bottom shelf) AND I can finally move my computer into the spare room too, and unload another box of "Shit that goes on my desk" like blank CDs, some stationery and drawing pencils and notebooks, video games, magazines, etc etc.
That should get rid of the bigger box in my bedroom at least, the smaller one I can probably shove into the spare room - I can't unpack it until I get some kind of storage unit in place for my skincare and miscellaneous items. I own too much makeup/skincare / stationery.
I'm aiming to get all my books unpacked tonight at the very minimum, which should clear out about five half-filled boxes and two fully-filled boxes from the spare bedroom, which is a decent start!
Anyway, I've also planned out tomorrow, so I'll add that here too. I'll repost it tomorrow with my new weigh-in and that too.
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast: Special K with Soymilk
Breakfast Calories: 89
Lunch: Fat-Free Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner: Fat-Free Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Total: 289
I'm pretty sure there was something else I wanted to address here too, but I can't remember so it'll come later, if and when I can remember what I was.
Monday, 15 June 2009
Day One
So I've decided to take the plunge and do ABC again. Looking back at the daily calorie caps, I have no idea why I was so stressed and thinking they were too low before. I honestly remember them being a lot lower, what the hell? I guess it just shows how you get pulled further and further down into this mindset.
So, day one is 500 calories. Seems a bit high but whatever. What I'm going to do is switch out today for Friday so I have 500 calories to spend at the Hard Rock, and 100 is my cap for today. Which means, my 10 calorie soup only day is still on.
Give a little, take a little.
So today is going to be a 100-Calorie-Max Day One instead.
I had some decent success last time around - when I managed to stick to it, that is. 9lbs in the first week I think? I'll have to look back at my older posts to see, but it was something like that.
Wish me luck!
Vee xox
So, day one is 500 calories. Seems a bit high but whatever. What I'm going to do is switch out today for Friday so I have 500 calories to spend at the Hard Rock, and 100 is my cap for today. Which means, my 10 calorie soup only day is still on.
Give a little, take a little.
So today is going to be a 100-Calorie-Max Day One instead.
I had some decent success last time around - when I managed to stick to it, that is. 9lbs in the first week I think? I'll have to look back at my older posts to see, but it was something like that.
Wish me luck!
Vee xox
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Change Of Plan
As of Monday, I won't be doing ABC anymore.
Well, as of today kind of.
Tomorrow I was going to trade out for my 800 day anyway because I was contemplating having pasta. Now, we're all having celebratory pasta so I'm making it for three instead of just one. My aunt got her letter through to go to an information day before Gastric Bypass surgery, and her partner got hers a week or two ago now. So anyway, that's tomorrow.
Anyway, the news is... a friend of mine, K, and I have decided to make our own plan instead of following ABC. It's still varied day by day, but it's on a weekly rotation. Mondays are the same, Tuesdays are the same etc. There are no incorporated fast days. Both of us feel that fast days work best when you WANT to do them rather than when you have to do it because a plan dictates. I personally do better fasting when I want to do it, when I feel like I can do it, if that makes sense.
So yeah, today is my last day on ABC. The weekend is going to be about restricting but not following a plan, and we're plunging into the new plan come Monday.
So! There's an update for you haha. Wish us luck. =] But I'm looking forward to the new plan. Since the days are the same, it will be a lot easier to remember - with ABC I kept having to refer to my diary or the internet to keep track of where I am and what day I'm on.
Well, as of today kind of.
Tomorrow I was going to trade out for my 800 day anyway because I was contemplating having pasta. Now, we're all having celebratory pasta so I'm making it for three instead of just one. My aunt got her letter through to go to an information day before Gastric Bypass surgery, and her partner got hers a week or two ago now. So anyway, that's tomorrow.
Anyway, the news is... a friend of mine, K, and I have decided to make our own plan instead of following ABC. It's still varied day by day, but it's on a weekly rotation. Mondays are the same, Tuesdays are the same etc. There are no incorporated fast days. Both of us feel that fast days work best when you WANT to do them rather than when you have to do it because a plan dictates. I personally do better fasting when I want to do it, when I feel like I can do it, if that makes sense.
So yeah, today is my last day on ABC. The weekend is going to be about restricting but not following a plan, and we're plunging into the new plan come Monday.
So! There's an update for you haha. Wish us luck. =] But I'm looking forward to the new plan. Since the days are the same, it will be a lot easier to remember - with ABC I kept having to refer to my diary or the internet to keep track of where I am and what day I'm on.
(037) 188.2lbs - Start of a bad day
So all in all, yesterday was a good day. I burned 400 calories at the gym, and stuck to my 400 day (maybe went over 20-50, I’m not 100% sure). I didn’t have anything big to eat when I got home, just a 99 calorie bag of Special K Mini Breaks, which was insanely yummy by the way. They taste a bit like chocolate Teddy Grahams to me. Mmm. Must not buy teddy grahams…
Anyway. Guy From The Gym wasn’t there last night, which is okay because I could concentrate more on my hour-and-a-half of cardio instead of slowing down to talk. At the same time, it made it feel dragged out – those twenty minutes that we were talking was the fastest that time ever went on a cross-trainer! I also got told off for reading a book on the cross-trainer. Apparently it’s against health and safety. Cuz I might fall off or something if I’m using one hand to hold the book. Puh-leeze. I do that EVERY time I go to the gym, why is this time suddenly dangerous?
… He probably saw me hit the other guy with the cross-trainer and figured I’m a liability. Can’t say I blame him.
But yeah. Just as I was coming out of the gym, the other guy called me. I don’t think I’ve mentioned him before, because there wasn’t a whole lot going on. My aunts and their best friends, wanted me to get with this other guy (Who I will call D for Dude), thought we’d be perfect for one another. They’d showed him my photos on facebook (even though I have actually met him once… though he had a girlfriend at the time lawl) and apparently he was quite interested. We’ve been texting the past couple of weeks but that’s about it. Apparently my aunt’s best friend had a talk with him and he’d said that he doesn’t want to get into a relationship that gets really serious and then have to leave – he’s trying to join the Marines. So, I don’t know.
But then last night as I was coming out of the gym he called me to chat, and we talked while I walked to the bus stop / waited for my bus. Then just as I went to bed (at 10pm I might add, I was so exhausted) he called again and we talked for a few minutes. I finally managed to pass out, even though I woke up about eight times during the night and couldn’t get comfortable again. When I woke up this morning (Fifteen minutes before my effing alarm agh!) I saw he’d sent me a text just before 11 last night asking if I was still up, but I missed it.
So, I dunno. We shall see. No big news, but… yeah.
Today, though, started off badly. I was convinced I’d be down at least a pound today. But when I hopped on the scale, it said 188.4lbs. That is only 0.2lbs lower than yesterday. I’m SO disappointed and it put me in such a bad mood. On top of that, my fucking bedroom light burnt out when I tried to turn it on, so I got to put makeup on by the subtle glow of my bedside table lamp this morning. Sigh.
Now I’m at work and I’m exhausted. I ache everywhere – which is a good thing because it means I didn’t go too easy on myself at the gym, I love achiness. Even my ass hurts. Especially my ass hurts.
Sigh. I’m so disappointed today. And I’m sad because a good buddy of mine (we'll call her K, she's in the same situation as me, so to speak) has gained today and I can tell from her texts how upset and pissed off she is. I wish I could make her feel better. But at the same time, I’ve LOST a fraction of a pound, and I’m still upset and pissed off. So I’d be a hypocrite to try and tell her to be happy and it’s no big deal. It is a big deal, to people like us. When I gained over the weekend I really could have had a breakdown. Sigh. So, if you read this, I love you doll. And I have every faith in your ability to shift it back off in a day or two.
So… that’s all from me for now. I’m not going to the gym tonight because I need to wash my gym stuff and I think my ass really needs a day off. I’m so tired so hopefully I’ll get an early night tonight. Back to the gym tomorrow if my things are dry in time, if not I’m hitting it hard on Monday (Won’t get a chance over the weekend, I really need a bike of a cross-trainer in my room =/) I’ll get one of my yoga DVDs on and do some of that over the weekend, too.
Anyway. Guy From The Gym wasn’t there last night, which is okay because I could concentrate more on my hour-and-a-half of cardio instead of slowing down to talk. At the same time, it made it feel dragged out – those twenty minutes that we were talking was the fastest that time ever went on a cross-trainer! I also got told off for reading a book on the cross-trainer. Apparently it’s against health and safety. Cuz I might fall off or something if I’m using one hand to hold the book. Puh-leeze. I do that EVERY time I go to the gym, why is this time suddenly dangerous?
… He probably saw me hit the other guy with the cross-trainer and figured I’m a liability. Can’t say I blame him.
But yeah. Just as I was coming out of the gym, the other guy called me. I don’t think I’ve mentioned him before, because there wasn’t a whole lot going on. My aunts and their best friends, wanted me to get with this other guy (Who I will call D for Dude), thought we’d be perfect for one another. They’d showed him my photos on facebook (even though I have actually met him once… though he had a girlfriend at the time lawl) and apparently he was quite interested. We’ve been texting the past couple of weeks but that’s about it. Apparently my aunt’s best friend had a talk with him and he’d said that he doesn’t want to get into a relationship that gets really serious and then have to leave – he’s trying to join the Marines. So, I don’t know.
But then last night as I was coming out of the gym he called me to chat, and we talked while I walked to the bus stop / waited for my bus. Then just as I went to bed (at 10pm I might add, I was so exhausted) he called again and we talked for a few minutes. I finally managed to pass out, even though I woke up about eight times during the night and couldn’t get comfortable again. When I woke up this morning (Fifteen minutes before my effing alarm agh!) I saw he’d sent me a text just before 11 last night asking if I was still up, but I missed it.
So, I dunno. We shall see. No big news, but… yeah.
Today, though, started off badly. I was convinced I’d be down at least a pound today. But when I hopped on the scale, it said 188.4lbs. That is only 0.2lbs lower than yesterday. I’m SO disappointed and it put me in such a bad mood. On top of that, my fucking bedroom light burnt out when I tried to turn it on, so I got to put makeup on by the subtle glow of my bedside table lamp this morning. Sigh.
Now I’m at work and I’m exhausted. I ache everywhere – which is a good thing because it means I didn’t go too easy on myself at the gym, I love achiness. Even my ass hurts. Especially my ass hurts.
Sigh. I’m so disappointed today. And I’m sad because a good buddy of mine (we'll call her K, she's in the same situation as me, so to speak) has gained today and I can tell from her texts how upset and pissed off she is. I wish I could make her feel better. But at the same time, I’ve LOST a fraction of a pound, and I’m still upset and pissed off. So I’d be a hypocrite to try and tell her to be happy and it’s no big deal. It is a big deal, to people like us. When I gained over the weekend I really could have had a breakdown. Sigh. So, if you read this, I love you doll. And I have every faith in your ability to shift it back off in a day or two.
So… that’s all from me for now. I’m not going to the gym tonight because I need to wash my gym stuff and I think my ass really needs a day off. I’m so tired so hopefully I’ll get an early night tonight. Back to the gym tomorrow if my things are dry in time, if not I’m hitting it hard on Monday (Won’t get a chance over the weekend, I really need a bike of a cross-trainer in my room =/) I’ll get one of my yoga DVDs on and do some of that over the weekend, too.
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
Were they always that big??
That blog title sounds a little dirty, doesn't it? Especially when I expand upon it to make "Since when was six inches SO HUGE?!"
Ehehehe. If only what you were all thinking was true. The truth is, I haven't had sex in over a year. BIG SURPRISE. But anyway, that's SO not what I'm talking about. The minute my dry spell is over I will be dishing details, but until then this blog post is about...
Subway.
I'm on a 400 day on the ABC plan, and I decided I wanted to treat myself to something yummy for lunch. Even though, after I went and bought it and was walking back to work, I wasn't even hungry. I've been craving chips and gravy (or even better, a poutine with yummy cheese curd melting all over), but I happen to know that there is no way I could fit it in. The chips in our canteen are all deep fried and horrible, and the gravy is greasy and comprised of like 96% animal fat.
Ew.
So, instead I went to Subway. The sub I had in total came out to... 350 calories, give or take. Didn't finish all the bread =].
Anyway, it was weird for me. All I "ate" yesterday was 200mls of chicken-broth-water worth a whole seventeen calories, so I thought I'd be physically STARVING and would never be able to sate that hunger. But I wasn't hungry as I began eating, and now I feel fuller than I have been in a long time. I remember a time when I could eat a footlong meatball sub with cheese and lots of lettuce, have a cookie, and sometimes STILL be hungry.
To that end, at least this past month of ABC (on and off as it was for the first couple of weeks) has accomplished one thing: Reducing my appetite. I mean, in total I've now lost 12.8lbs since January 14th, which is a feat in and of itself, especially considering the random gains and plateaus at the end of last month. But I hate feeling full, and if eating normal portions is going to make me feel like this, well, it's just more incentive to restrict harder.
The weird things is, I haven't even gone over for the day. After I get home from the gym I'm having my 19 calorie broth, so I'll still be grossing low for the day. But I still feel really full. In retrospect I kind of wish I'd gone for a sushi pack from tesco. BUT then I'd just wind up having a larger frozen meal after the gym, and I always feel sick if I eat a lot after working out. So I guess it's for the best. Plus I'm having my "larger meal" at lunchtime and have more time to burn it off before bedtime.
God, I ramble a lot, don't I?
Anyway. I just wanted to share those random thoughts, but now I need to get some more work done. I'm leaving the office in three hours so I need to get SOMEthing done.
Stay beautiful and think thin
Vee xoxox
ps: I wonder if that guy will be at the gym again tonight...? =]
Ehehehe. If only what you were all thinking was true. The truth is, I haven't had sex in over a year. BIG SURPRISE. But anyway, that's SO not what I'm talking about. The minute my dry spell is over I will be dishing details, but until then this blog post is about...
Subway.
I'm on a 400 day on the ABC plan, and I decided I wanted to treat myself to something yummy for lunch. Even though, after I went and bought it and was walking back to work, I wasn't even hungry. I've been craving chips and gravy (or even better, a poutine with yummy cheese curd melting all over), but I happen to know that there is no way I could fit it in. The chips in our canteen are all deep fried and horrible, and the gravy is greasy and comprised of like 96% animal fat.
Ew.
So, instead I went to Subway. The sub I had in total came out to... 350 calories, give or take. Didn't finish all the bread =].
Anyway, it was weird for me. All I "ate" yesterday was 200mls of chicken-broth-water worth a whole seventeen calories, so I thought I'd be physically STARVING and would never be able to sate that hunger. But I wasn't hungry as I began eating, and now I feel fuller than I have been in a long time. I remember a time when I could eat a footlong meatball sub with cheese and lots of lettuce, have a cookie, and sometimes STILL be hungry.
To that end, at least this past month of ABC (on and off as it was for the first couple of weeks) has accomplished one thing: Reducing my appetite. I mean, in total I've now lost 12.8lbs since January 14th, which is a feat in and of itself, especially considering the random gains and plateaus at the end of last month. But I hate feeling full, and if eating normal portions is going to make me feel like this, well, it's just more incentive to restrict harder.
The weird things is, I haven't even gone over for the day. After I get home from the gym I'm having my 19 calorie broth, so I'll still be grossing low for the day. But I still feel really full. In retrospect I kind of wish I'd gone for a sushi pack from tesco. BUT then I'd just wind up having a larger frozen meal after the gym, and I always feel sick if I eat a lot after working out. So I guess it's for the best. Plus I'm having my "larger meal" at lunchtime and have more time to burn it off before bedtime.
God, I ramble a lot, don't I?
Anyway. I just wanted to share those random thoughts, but now I need to get some more work done. I'm leaving the office in three hours so I need to get SOMEthing done.
Stay beautiful and think thin
Vee xoxox
ps: I wonder if that guy will be at the gym again tonight...? =]
(036) - Goal One Achieved
So… my plan was to be down to 190lbs this morning, at a best. I figured I’d be down at least to 191, but was hoping and hoping for 190lbs. I wanted to hit that first goal again as soon as possible.
And ladies, I have succeeded in breaking it. I am in SUCH a good mood today it is ridiculous. I live for those ecstatic moments when you step on a scale and those lower-than-yesterday numbers pop up. It doesn’t matter what the rest of the day brings. As long as those numbers are lower, I can basically call it a “good day”. It sets up my mood for the rest of the day. If those numbers are higher, I will undoubtedly be mopey and depressed. If they’re lower, I’ll likely still be mopey and depressed, but maybe a little less so, and at least I’ll have that half-minute of supreme happiness to start the day with.
My scales this morning said 188.6lbs. I dropped 2.8lbs in 24 hours. I am unbelievably happy right now!
I’m psyched up to go to the gym again, even though my body is exhausted, I’ve got a headache, and my throat feels swollen. I plan to drink a load of water, so if it’s dehydration (I didn’t drink near as much as I should have yesterday), it should help. Although one of the guys I work with, has been working with someone who has Mumps, so there’s a chance he’s brought it in and given it to us all – at least two of us have the same symptoms right now. Swollen, sore throat, physically exhausted, couldn’t sleep last night because we felt SO HOT and kept tossing and turning. And that’s not like me. I am ALWAYS cold.
But I digress. 188.6! If I can lose a pound a day, I can reach my goal weight of 130… by the end of April. How amazing is that? I know it’s not likely that I will lose a pound a day, it’ll be up and down, but I can hope that it averages out. We’ll see I guess!
Anyway, I need to get some work done and try to stay awake, which is definitely going to be a challenge today. It’s a 400 day on ABC and I’m torn between restricting hard like I did yesterday, and giving myself some real food. I’ll have my broth for lunch, and see how I feel when I get home. If I’m super ravenous, I’ll have a 250 calorie frozen meal, which will still put me more than 100 calories under today.
Burn goal at the gym is at least 300, which is what I burned yesterday. I can probably do more if I stick to the treadmill for a full hour, which in itself should burn approximately 400+. Unfortunately, I can’t run. Sigh. My physical fitness level right now is such that I can jog-run on a treadmill for 3 minutes maximum before I need to slow down to a walking speed again, or risk passing out.
That’s another goal of mine. Increase my fitness level so that I can run at least 15 minutes at a stretch without having to pause. I’ll get there eventually, but I need to build up from speed-walking to jogging to running.
Right, gotta head off for now, more later tonight. Have a great day, ladies, and I hope you’re all feeling as amazing as I am right now =]
Stay beautiful, my darlings.
Love you all,
Vee xoxox
PS: If I do wind up sick again, I'm going to keep restricting this time. The roller coaster last time around was way too much and I refuse to fuck up and ever be over 190 again, now that I'm finally firmly in the 180s.
And ladies, I have succeeded in breaking it. I am in SUCH a good mood today it is ridiculous. I live for those ecstatic moments when you step on a scale and those lower-than-yesterday numbers pop up. It doesn’t matter what the rest of the day brings. As long as those numbers are lower, I can basically call it a “good day”. It sets up my mood for the rest of the day. If those numbers are higher, I will undoubtedly be mopey and depressed. If they’re lower, I’ll likely still be mopey and depressed, but maybe a little less so, and at least I’ll have that half-minute of supreme happiness to start the day with.
My scales this morning said 188.6lbs. I dropped 2.8lbs in 24 hours. I am unbelievably happy right now!
I’m psyched up to go to the gym again, even though my body is exhausted, I’ve got a headache, and my throat feels swollen. I plan to drink a load of water, so if it’s dehydration (I didn’t drink near as much as I should have yesterday), it should help. Although one of the guys I work with, has been working with someone who has Mumps, so there’s a chance he’s brought it in and given it to us all – at least two of us have the same symptoms right now. Swollen, sore throat, physically exhausted, couldn’t sleep last night because we felt SO HOT and kept tossing and turning. And that’s not like me. I am ALWAYS cold.
But I digress. 188.6! If I can lose a pound a day, I can reach my goal weight of 130… by the end of April. How amazing is that? I know it’s not likely that I will lose a pound a day, it’ll be up and down, but I can hope that it averages out. We’ll see I guess!
Anyway, I need to get some work done and try to stay awake, which is definitely going to be a challenge today. It’s a 400 day on ABC and I’m torn between restricting hard like I did yesterday, and giving myself some real food. I’ll have my broth for lunch, and see how I feel when I get home. If I’m super ravenous, I’ll have a 250 calorie frozen meal, which will still put me more than 100 calories under today.
Burn goal at the gym is at least 300, which is what I burned yesterday. I can probably do more if I stick to the treadmill for a full hour, which in itself should burn approximately 400+. Unfortunately, I can’t run. Sigh. My physical fitness level right now is such that I can jog-run on a treadmill for 3 minutes maximum before I need to slow down to a walking speed again, or risk passing out.
That’s another goal of mine. Increase my fitness level so that I can run at least 15 minutes at a stretch without having to pause. I’ll get there eventually, but I need to build up from speed-walking to jogging to running.
Right, gotta head off for now, more later tonight. Have a great day, ladies, and I hope you’re all feeling as amazing as I am right now =]
Stay beautiful, my darlings.
Love you all,
Vee xoxox
PS: If I do wind up sick again, I'm going to keep restricting this time. The roller coaster last time around was way too much and I refuse to fuck up and ever be over 190 again, now that I'm finally firmly in the 180s.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
(035) - Updateage
I need to start updating this thing again. Lately all my posts have been on an ABC community on LJ, and in my Livejournal blog. I do need to make an effort to keep this one updated too, though… after all, it was created before I joined Livejournal =/
Anyway. Quickish update.
I gained over the weekend due to Valentine’s Day Pasta. I didn’t think the pasta would be all that bad, since most of the calories would be in the pasta and I didn’t have a great deal of it. But I sat and calculated everything out, and the pasta dish was over 800 calories. Jesus. Effing. Christ.
Then I somehow managed to gain on Sunday too. So it was a shit bad weekend.
BUT. Yesterday I got by on 99 calories (150 day on ABC, but I wanted to keep as low as possible. I only had two cups of broth (meaning two stock cubes with hot water)) and a few slices of wafer thin chicken). I also went to bed at like 7:30 because I was insanely exhausted yesterday. I’m still a bit tired today, probably from OVER sleeping, but I feel better than I have in a long time right now.
Today’s plan: (it's a 200 day on ABC)
Work.
Only had 1 cup of broth (17 calories) (just finished this)
Drink lots of water and green tea
After work:
Go to the gym from 4:30 until 6 or just after.
Pray that I don’t miss the last bus home just after 6.
Have a hot bath and relax!
Another cup of broth (19 calories).
POSSIBLY have some wafer-thin-chicken-slices-wrapped-in-a-lettuce-leaf (for four of these puppies it’s 44 calories). Depends on how I feel when I get home. Hoping to not have it but if I’m starving and dying after the gym, I’ve got it in the daily budget.
Watch a movie on my pc, and burn a copy of The Tale Of Two Sisters for a girl at work to borrow.
Get my gym stuff ready for tomorrow.
Take measurements and record them in my diary. (I’ve lost 10lbs SURELY I must have lost even part of an inch right? Sigh, I hope so)
Go to bed early.
That is the plan anyway.
Hopefully I’ll manage to lose the other 2lbs that I’d gained over the weekend (Down 2 today from yesterday so halfway there) and then I can get started on some “fresh” weight loss. And the bonus: I’ll be back in the 180s!
Which is still ridiculously high but after yo-yoing in the 190s and even spending a brief while in the low 200s, the 180s are a breath of fresh air and SO SUPER MOTIVATING to lose the rest of it!
As of this morning I’m 191.4, so I think it’s plausible to be down to 189 by tomorrow. More likely the day after tomorrow, but a girl can dream, right?
Right, that’s my update for now, I’ll try to be more regular about updating this puppy =]
Stay beautiful, ladies!
Vee xxx
Anyway. Quickish update.
I gained over the weekend due to Valentine’s Day Pasta. I didn’t think the pasta would be all that bad, since most of the calories would be in the pasta and I didn’t have a great deal of it. But I sat and calculated everything out, and the pasta dish was over 800 calories. Jesus. Effing. Christ.
Then I somehow managed to gain on Sunday too. So it was a shit bad weekend.
BUT. Yesterday I got by on 99 calories (150 day on ABC, but I wanted to keep as low as possible. I only had two cups of broth (meaning two stock cubes with hot water)) and a few slices of wafer thin chicken). I also went to bed at like 7:30 because I was insanely exhausted yesterday. I’m still a bit tired today, probably from OVER sleeping, but I feel better than I have in a long time right now.
Today’s plan: (it's a 200 day on ABC)
Work.
Only had 1 cup of broth (17 calories) (just finished this)
Drink lots of water and green tea
After work:
Go to the gym from 4:30 until 6 or just after.
Pray that I don’t miss the last bus home just after 6.
Have a hot bath and relax!
Another cup of broth (19 calories).
POSSIBLY have some wafer-thin-chicken-slices-wrapped-in-a-lettuce-leaf (for four of these puppies it’s 44 calories). Depends on how I feel when I get home. Hoping to not have it but if I’m starving and dying after the gym, I’ve got it in the daily budget.
Watch a movie on my pc, and burn a copy of The Tale Of Two Sisters for a girl at work to borrow.
Get my gym stuff ready for tomorrow.
Take measurements and record them in my diary. (I’ve lost 10lbs SURELY I must have lost even part of an inch right? Sigh, I hope so)
Go to bed early.
That is the plan anyway.
Hopefully I’ll manage to lose the other 2lbs that I’d gained over the weekend (Down 2 today from yesterday so halfway there) and then I can get started on some “fresh” weight loss. And the bonus: I’ll be back in the 180s!
Which is still ridiculously high but after yo-yoing in the 190s and even spending a brief while in the low 200s, the 180s are a breath of fresh air and SO SUPER MOTIVATING to lose the rest of it!
As of this morning I’m 191.4, so I think it’s plausible to be down to 189 by tomorrow. More likely the day after tomorrow, but a girl can dream, right?
Right, that’s my update for now, I’ll try to be more regular about updating this puppy =]
Stay beautiful, ladies!
Vee xxx
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
014: Back on the Bandwagon
It’s been a bad few days.
The past week or so, I’ve had a fairly bad flu, I haven’t felt this horrible in quite a long time. I haven’t been to work since last Wednesday, and still don’t feel up to par today. But, today I had to go back to work because to stay off any longer I would need a sick note from my doctor, and I can’t get into my doctor. Even to get antibiotics for my sinus infection, so I'm dosing up on decongestants to see if that will clear them out. Ugh.
I made the (probably stupid) decision to come off ABC for a few days to try to get past this. I’ve still been restricting and staying well under 700 calories a day, but I figured I needed to get some more nutrients than I have been. On the weekend I also went and bought some multivitamins, and some more calcium supplements, as I know I’ll need them to proceed with ABC and restricting – I already have a low immune system and I don’t want to wind up making myself sick again because I’m not getting vitamins and crap.
Anyway, I don’t know why I bothered. I woke up Wednesday morning at around 194lbs. After being horrifically sick on Wednesday, Thursday morning I woke up feeling exhausted and wonderfully weak and down to 191.5lbs, give or take a tenth or so. Then I managed to gain back a pound and a half over the weekend. At first I couldn’t understand why I had gained a little, when I’ve been eating under 700 calories a day. But then, on the other hand, I’ve been doing nothing but laying in bed feeling miserable for the past several days, so it’s probably the utter lack of activity that did it.
As of today I’m jumping back into ABC on Day 6 (a 200 day). I still feel like an absolute ball of shit, but if I’m not getting any better I don’t see the point in pulling away from ABC at all. I was going to restart the whole thing but I don’t want to have the 500 days right now. So the 200 day today is perfect. I have no food at all at work to eat, so I’ll be having nothing but green tea and water until I get home. And then I might have either part of a 300 calorie frozen meal, or a 200 calorie slimfast, and go to bed early.
Being so sick over the weekend, and my aunts being busy decorating, I didn’t get a chance to move the treadmill into my bedroom, so hopefully this coming weekend we’ll be able to. Either way, once I’m not sick, I’m going to start hitting the gym again, and to do some working out in my bedroom every night. I LOVE the burning feeling that those leg-lift crunches give me <3
In other news, my aunts are on the anti-diet right now. One got a referral for gastric bypass surgery yesterday and should get an appointment to meet with a surgeon in the main in the next month or so. My aunt figured out she needs to gain 16lbs to reach the target BMI of 50 to qualify. So all weekend they’ve been eating total crap, my aunt is eating WELL over 3,000 calories a day (After work last night she had at least 3,000 in a single sitting), trying to put on the weight by this Friday. Watching them devour total junk all the time makes me feel sick. And only strengthens my resolve.
I’m determined to lose my own weight before they do, and without any damned surgery to do it.
I have the willpower that they lack.
I miss that wonderful weak and shaky feeling. I’m hoping that now that I’m back on ABC I can get it back.
Keep chasing the dream!
Also, thanks for your comments and support. I truly appreciate it =]
Vee xx
The past week or so, I’ve had a fairly bad flu, I haven’t felt this horrible in quite a long time. I haven’t been to work since last Wednesday, and still don’t feel up to par today. But, today I had to go back to work because to stay off any longer I would need a sick note from my doctor, and I can’t get into my doctor. Even to get antibiotics for my sinus infection, so I'm dosing up on decongestants to see if that will clear them out. Ugh.
I made the (probably stupid) decision to come off ABC for a few days to try to get past this. I’ve still been restricting and staying well under 700 calories a day, but I figured I needed to get some more nutrients than I have been. On the weekend I also went and bought some multivitamins, and some more calcium supplements, as I know I’ll need them to proceed with ABC and restricting – I already have a low immune system and I don’t want to wind up making myself sick again because I’m not getting vitamins and crap.
Anyway, I don’t know why I bothered. I woke up Wednesday morning at around 194lbs. After being horrifically sick on Wednesday, Thursday morning I woke up feeling exhausted and wonderfully weak and down to 191.5lbs, give or take a tenth or so. Then I managed to gain back a pound and a half over the weekend. At first I couldn’t understand why I had gained a little, when I’ve been eating under 700 calories a day. But then, on the other hand, I’ve been doing nothing but laying in bed feeling miserable for the past several days, so it’s probably the utter lack of activity that did it.
As of today I’m jumping back into ABC on Day 6 (a 200 day). I still feel like an absolute ball of shit, but if I’m not getting any better I don’t see the point in pulling away from ABC at all. I was going to restart the whole thing but I don’t want to have the 500 days right now. So the 200 day today is perfect. I have no food at all at work to eat, so I’ll be having nothing but green tea and water until I get home. And then I might have either part of a 300 calorie frozen meal, or a 200 calorie slimfast, and go to bed early.
Being so sick over the weekend, and my aunts being busy decorating, I didn’t get a chance to move the treadmill into my bedroom, so hopefully this coming weekend we’ll be able to. Either way, once I’m not sick, I’m going to start hitting the gym again, and to do some working out in my bedroom every night. I LOVE the burning feeling that those leg-lift crunches give me <3
In other news, my aunts are on the anti-diet right now. One got a referral for gastric bypass surgery yesterday and should get an appointment to meet with a surgeon in the main in the next month or so. My aunt figured out she needs to gain 16lbs to reach the target BMI of 50 to qualify. So all weekend they’ve been eating total crap, my aunt is eating WELL over 3,000 calories a day (After work last night she had at least 3,000 in a single sitting), trying to put on the weight by this Friday. Watching them devour total junk all the time makes me feel sick. And only strengthens my resolve.
I’m determined to lose my own weight before they do, and without any damned surgery to do it.
I have the willpower that they lack.
I miss that wonderful weak and shaky feeling. I’m hoping that now that I’m back on ABC I can get it back.
Keep chasing the dream!
Also, thanks for your comments and support. I truly appreciate it =]
Vee xx
Thursday, 22 January 2009
009: A Day off from ABC
So, I am so sick right now it's fucking ridiculous. I feel worse today than I did yesterday. I slept maybe a total of two hours in ten to fifteen minutes stints last night. It was agonizing, beign SO tired and feeling SO ubershitty, but being completely and totally unable to get to sleep. I spent half of today in bed, still not sleeping, finally got up to go online and realized I didn't have the energy or will to find something to do. I went downstairs while a friend of ours came over, and that's about it.
I feel horrible.
Although, I DID wake up 191.6lbs - down 9.8lbs since when I started this journey, so yay.
I think I need to take a day or two off from ABC. I KNOW I'm not going to get over this flu or whatever it is unless I'm eating at least a little more than I have been. The worst part is, I'm not even hungry. I've had a pack of Roast Chicken Fridge Raiders, and two little Weight Watcher's cakes, so I've had just over around 300 calories today, and I'm not hungry. On a normal day, I would leave it at that.
My housemates are going for Chinese though, and I might get some fried rice. Comfort food to make me feel better and also a few extra nutrients to help boost my immune system. Which reminds me I forgot my Vitamin C this morning, not good.
I'll be back on ABC tomorrow or the day after, once this feels like it's starting to try to begin lifting, but right now I don't want to make myself sicker by eating nothing.
Stay stronger than me, beautiful ladies,
Vee xxx
I feel horrible.
Although, I DID wake up 191.6lbs - down 9.8lbs since when I started this journey, so yay.
I think I need to take a day or two off from ABC. I KNOW I'm not going to get over this flu or whatever it is unless I'm eating at least a little more than I have been. The worst part is, I'm not even hungry. I've had a pack of Roast Chicken Fridge Raiders, and two little Weight Watcher's cakes, so I've had just over around 300 calories today, and I'm not hungry. On a normal day, I would leave it at that.
My housemates are going for Chinese though, and I might get some fried rice. Comfort food to make me feel better and also a few extra nutrients to help boost my immune system. Which reminds me I forgot my Vitamin C this morning, not good.
I'll be back on ABC tomorrow or the day after, once this feels like it's starting to try to begin lifting, but right now I don't want to make myself sicker by eating nothing.
Stay stronger than me, beautiful ladies,
Vee xxx
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
008: Day 5 of ABC. Just as bad as yesterday
I feel like shit.
I managed my 400 day yesterday without too much of a problem, I went over by like 6 cals but I’m glad I managed to stay at the 400 mark.
I did some crunches, some leg lifts, some inverted crunches, and some leg-lift crunches (kind of hard to explain but you lift and move your legs to work your lower abs – they absolutely KILL me, because my fitness level is nonexistent) last night.
Unfortunately, I woke up this morning feeling super sick. I don’t really have nausea, but everything else is checked off the list. Sigh.
I ache all over, possibly in part to the working out. Everytime I cough my abs SCREAM in agony. I’ve had issues with my sinuses the past couple weeks but today they are EXPONENTIAL. I have a sinus headache and all my sinuses hurt and I can SMELL the infection, and I won’t go into the details about mucous and stuff but TRUST ME, it is not good. I keep coughing and have a buildup of phlegm. My ears feel clogged and swollen and achey, which I think is due to my glands.
Right now my glands are the worst part. They are so swollen that my entire neck aches. If I talk or yawn or swallow or even MOVE MY HEAD they hurt. So much.
All I want to do is go back to bed and sleep, but my year-end review is tomorrow afternoon, and I can’t afford time off right now. My last sick day was in Mid-November (before that it was like September ’07, over a year before, but that is seriously not the point), and I don’t want it to look bad at my review that I’ve had time off within a couple months of each other. I was sicker in November, but I used my holidays to cover those other two days so it doesn’t show as sickness on my record.
I’m still irritated with my fucking bus company. And tomorrow and Friday I have to walk to the bus stop (which will be a good 20 minutes, uphill, in the dark, on icy streets). On the one hand I was looking forward to it because hey, it’s extra working out! But right now I just feel so sick and horrible that I physically don’t know if I have the energy to walk from the car to my front door and up the stairs when I get home. Ugh, the worst part is, I need to wash my hair tonight. The last thing I need is to come into my review looking like a grunge, ew. Although to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t stand walking around with greased-up hair anyway. The worst part though, is that it takes me no less than an hour (every other night) to dry and straighten my hair. Stupid not-straight-but-not-curly frizzy hair.
But I digress. Right now I’m contemplating whether it’s worth it to walk to the bus stop, or if I should take another route. The other route will cost me probably twice as much to get to work, but it means I can use my usual bus stop. This morning there was another bus in front of my bus, that stops at my usual stop near my house, takes a detour, and then meets back up on MY bus’s route in town. If I take that to town I can catch my usual bus at the same stop and take that one to work.
Ugh I really don’t know what I want to do right now. Decisiveness is not my strong suit even when I’m perfectly healthy.
On another note, this weekend I’m moving a treadmill into my bedroom. My aunt bought it like two years ago, I think she’s used it like once. And since I moved in last May, it’s been gathering dust in their garage. And I figured out that I have just enough space to put it in my room, provided it’s folded up and just folded out while it’s in use. It’s going to make my room look tiny and like I have no space at all, but guess what – my room ALREADY looks tiny and like I have no space at all. So I might as well stick a workout medium up in there.
Not that I’m going to be using it if I still feel like this. I feel so weak, letting this cold-slash-infections get me down, but I haven’t felt THIS sick in a while. Ugh. Everything is so fuzzy, my head is so stuffed up it’s unbelievable. And my concentration is almost zilch today. I’m actually rather astonished that this isn’t written in three-year-old.
In other news, I dropped one pound since yesterday, so the ABC is working. Today is a 100 day and I thought I would be struggling and dying. But it’s just after 10am and I don’t feel hungry. I feel too horrific to want to put any food inside me. I actually feel like, if I do try to eat this fruit, I’ll just make myself violently sick. It’s not worth it to eat anything right now. YAY. Green tea, however, is fair game. Even if it is like seventy steps to get to the drinks machine for my hot water. Not that I’ve been counting or anything.
I need to get some dumbbells to do a little more work on my arms. My armflab is ridiculous. I have bingo-wings, yuck. That will simply not do. All these things require money. Money that I do not have. I might wait until I’ve put another couple hundred away for my Canada trip. Saying that, I’ve got £200 saved up (I’ve had to take out £250 to pay bills and fund Boxing Day Shopping Excursions), I’m getting just under £200 as a year-end bonus, which will all be put away, and can probably manage to put away another couple hundred out of my usual wages. So all in all, I shouldn’t be too bad. In total I want to save at least £1,500 before September, so if I can get up to £600 at the end of this month, I’ll be set.
I do, however, need to invest in some multivitamins. I’m thinking that might be one reason why this horrific sickness has come on, and literally overnight. I haven’t been taking any supplements (I even forgot to take my Calcium the other day, which is something I need with or without fasting/restricting), and I know I need to. So I’m going to buy some as soon as I get paid next week.
I’m seriously just rambling now so I’m going to go and try to actually get some work done.
Much love, my skinny bitches.
Counting the seconds until I can go home and go to bed,
Vee
xxx
I managed my 400 day yesterday without too much of a problem, I went over by like 6 cals but I’m glad I managed to stay at the 400 mark.
I did some crunches, some leg lifts, some inverted crunches, and some leg-lift crunches (kind of hard to explain but you lift and move your legs to work your lower abs – they absolutely KILL me, because my fitness level is nonexistent) last night.
Unfortunately, I woke up this morning feeling super sick. I don’t really have nausea, but everything else is checked off the list. Sigh.
I ache all over, possibly in part to the working out. Everytime I cough my abs SCREAM in agony. I’ve had issues with my sinuses the past couple weeks but today they are EXPONENTIAL. I have a sinus headache and all my sinuses hurt and I can SMELL the infection, and I won’t go into the details about mucous and stuff but TRUST ME, it is not good. I keep coughing and have a buildup of phlegm. My ears feel clogged and swollen and achey, which I think is due to my glands.
Right now my glands are the worst part. They are so swollen that my entire neck aches. If I talk or yawn or swallow or even MOVE MY HEAD they hurt. So much.
All I want to do is go back to bed and sleep, but my year-end review is tomorrow afternoon, and I can’t afford time off right now. My last sick day was in Mid-November (before that it was like September ’07, over a year before, but that is seriously not the point), and I don’t want it to look bad at my review that I’ve had time off within a couple months of each other. I was sicker in November, but I used my holidays to cover those other two days so it doesn’t show as sickness on my record.
I’m still irritated with my fucking bus company. And tomorrow and Friday I have to walk to the bus stop (which will be a good 20 minutes, uphill, in the dark, on icy streets). On the one hand I was looking forward to it because hey, it’s extra working out! But right now I just feel so sick and horrible that I physically don’t know if I have the energy to walk from the car to my front door and up the stairs when I get home. Ugh, the worst part is, I need to wash my hair tonight. The last thing I need is to come into my review looking like a grunge, ew. Although to be perfectly honest, I couldn’t stand walking around with greased-up hair anyway. The worst part though, is that it takes me no less than an hour (every other night) to dry and straighten my hair. Stupid not-straight-but-not-curly frizzy hair.
But I digress. Right now I’m contemplating whether it’s worth it to walk to the bus stop, or if I should take another route. The other route will cost me probably twice as much to get to work, but it means I can use my usual bus stop. This morning there was another bus in front of my bus, that stops at my usual stop near my house, takes a detour, and then meets back up on MY bus’s route in town. If I take that to town I can catch my usual bus at the same stop and take that one to work.
Ugh I really don’t know what I want to do right now. Decisiveness is not my strong suit even when I’m perfectly healthy.
On another note, this weekend I’m moving a treadmill into my bedroom. My aunt bought it like two years ago, I think she’s used it like once. And since I moved in last May, it’s been gathering dust in their garage. And I figured out that I have just enough space to put it in my room, provided it’s folded up and just folded out while it’s in use. It’s going to make my room look tiny and like I have no space at all, but guess what – my room ALREADY looks tiny and like I have no space at all. So I might as well stick a workout medium up in there.
Not that I’m going to be using it if I still feel like this. I feel so weak, letting this cold-slash-infections get me down, but I haven’t felt THIS sick in a while. Ugh. Everything is so fuzzy, my head is so stuffed up it’s unbelievable. And my concentration is almost zilch today. I’m actually rather astonished that this isn’t written in three-year-old.
In other news, I dropped one pound since yesterday, so the ABC is working. Today is a 100 day and I thought I would be struggling and dying. But it’s just after 10am and I don’t feel hungry. I feel too horrific to want to put any food inside me. I actually feel like, if I do try to eat this fruit, I’ll just make myself violently sick. It’s not worth it to eat anything right now. YAY. Green tea, however, is fair game. Even if it is like seventy steps to get to the drinks machine for my hot water. Not that I’ve been counting or anything.
I need to get some dumbbells to do a little more work on my arms. My armflab is ridiculous. I have bingo-wings, yuck. That will simply not do. All these things require money. Money that I do not have. I might wait until I’ve put another couple hundred away for my Canada trip. Saying that, I’ve got £200 saved up (I’ve had to take out £250 to pay bills and fund Boxing Day Shopping Excursions), I’m getting just under £200 as a year-end bonus, which will all be put away, and can probably manage to put away another couple hundred out of my usual wages. So all in all, I shouldn’t be too bad. In total I want to save at least £1,500 before September, so if I can get up to £600 at the end of this month, I’ll be set.
I do, however, need to invest in some multivitamins. I’m thinking that might be one reason why this horrific sickness has come on, and literally overnight. I haven’t been taking any supplements (I even forgot to take my Calcium the other day, which is something I need with or without fasting/restricting), and I know I need to. So I’m going to buy some as soon as I get paid next week.
I’m seriously just rambling now so I’m going to go and try to actually get some work done.
Much love, my skinny bitches.
Counting the seconds until I can go home and go to bed,
Vee
xxx
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
007: Day 4 of ABC. Also: the WORST DAY EVER
It is not even 10am yet, but already this is the worst day ever. Today could not have been a worse day had God himself decided to smite me in my sleep and I woke up this morning dead and decaying all over my beautiful bedding.
Last night, exhausted and bored, I went to bed around 9:30. Maybe the hunger was getting to me? Although to be perfectly honest, I didn’t actually feel hungry, I felt just fine. I was proud of the fact that I wasn’t hungry. But I was tired and went to bed early. I woke up, wiiide awake, convinced that it would of course only be a few minutes before my alarm was due to go off, because with me that is always the way. A glance at my phone, however, proved it was only 2:22 in the morning. Score! I could go back to sleep for a whole four and a half extra hours. Of course, I was WIDE awake and it took ages to fall back to sleep… Next thing I knew, I was 7:00, my alarm was going off and I had to get up. And now I was exhausted.
I got ready for work, gathering all the extra crap I needed. I even remembered to get my fruit salad, peach, and 10cal pot of jell-o (it’s not Jell-O brand because England doesn’t have Jell-O, but I feel weird calling the stuff “Jelly”) AND a spoon to eat it with! I was dropped off at my bus stop. And waited.
And waited.
Then I saw my bus up the street, about the turn onto the roundabout. I walked to the edge of the road to wait for it to come down. And it didn’t. It went straight across the roundabout. I was pissed. I went back and waited.
And waited.
And then I saw another bus. And once again, it went straight across the roundabout. By this time, I had been waiting at the bus stop for over half an hour. Everyone got on the next bus, after asking me what was up with my bus, and I said I had no idea. In the end I called the local Traveline, and asked the operator. She said they didn’t have anything on their system about the bus route being revised, and gave me the number to call my bus company’s office direct. So I did, and he told me that yes, it wasn’t coming down this way due to road works on the area where it comes back out onto the main road again. Wonderful. It would have been nice for someone to TELL US that. I told the man on the phone this and he said that there should have been notices on the bus.
Well I wouldn’t know would I? I’m not ON the fucking bus! I also told him that nobody I’d spoke to had seen any notices (and for the record, when I finally DID get on the bus? NO NOTICES)
So, fine, I decided to walk up to the next stop. Of course, since the bus was bypassing no fewer than six stops, the next available stop was a ways up the road, and up a hill. And let me make this clear to you all: I am wearing heels. Sometimes, I wear flat shoes or sneakers on the way to work and change into heels when I get there, but today, I figured I had a ride to the bus stop and I had a ride home at the end of the day, so I should be okay in the heels. However, the hill I had to walk up to get to the bus stop, it was covered in ice, and I nearly let my face hit the pavement about eighty times on the way. My leg muscles hurt from tensing up so much to try to keep my balance.
I was almost at the stop when TWO buses came in a row, but of course I could hardly run to catch them, not without breaking my face and/or ass. So I walked, and had to wait AGES for the next one to come. I didn’t get into work until nearly 9:30, a full two hours after I originally got to the bus stop, and more than an hour after I usually get into work (8:20 or thereabouts). NOT HAPPY.
And might I add that my fucking hairband is hurting my head and irritating the living hell right out of me.
Okay, now that that rant is over with, I’ll get back on topic. Sigh.
This morning, I weighed exactly 195.0lbs. Down 6.4lbs since last Wednesday yay!
Today I’ve already eaten my apple (cut into chunks and shaken in a sandwich bag with a teaspoon of splenda and some ground cinnamon), and I’m doing okay. I’ve also got:
A fruit salad: 30 raspberries and 30 blueberries: 53
One small peach: 31
One medium banana: 105
One medium orange: 62
One Jello cup: 10
Whatever I don’t eat at work today I’m going to take home and have with a 100kcal yogurt.
It’s Day 4 of ABC and that makes it a 400 calorie day. My total with all of the above comes to: 361
Which leaves me open for maybe a small salad with some nonfat vinaigrette or something later if I’m really hungry, and still under 400 calories.
So excited, this shouldn’t be a problem. That seems like a ton of fruit.
<3
Stay Beautiful, Ladies
Xxxxx
Vee x
PS, I’m also out of Splenda so have to wander up to Tesco at lunch to buy some. Ughh.
Last night, exhausted and bored, I went to bed around 9:30. Maybe the hunger was getting to me? Although to be perfectly honest, I didn’t actually feel hungry, I felt just fine. I was proud of the fact that I wasn’t hungry. But I was tired and went to bed early. I woke up, wiiide awake, convinced that it would of course only be a few minutes before my alarm was due to go off, because with me that is always the way. A glance at my phone, however, proved it was only 2:22 in the morning. Score! I could go back to sleep for a whole four and a half extra hours. Of course, I was WIDE awake and it took ages to fall back to sleep… Next thing I knew, I was 7:00, my alarm was going off and I had to get up. And now I was exhausted.
I got ready for work, gathering all the extra crap I needed. I even remembered to get my fruit salad, peach, and 10cal pot of jell-o (it’s not Jell-O brand because England doesn’t have Jell-O, but I feel weird calling the stuff “Jelly”) AND a spoon to eat it with! I was dropped off at my bus stop. And waited.
And waited.
Then I saw my bus up the street, about the turn onto the roundabout. I walked to the edge of the road to wait for it to come down. And it didn’t. It went straight across the roundabout. I was pissed. I went back and waited.
And waited.
And then I saw another bus. And once again, it went straight across the roundabout. By this time, I had been waiting at the bus stop for over half an hour. Everyone got on the next bus, after asking me what was up with my bus, and I said I had no idea. In the end I called the local Traveline, and asked the operator. She said they didn’t have anything on their system about the bus route being revised, and gave me the number to call my bus company’s office direct. So I did, and he told me that yes, it wasn’t coming down this way due to road works on the area where it comes back out onto the main road again. Wonderful. It would have been nice for someone to TELL US that. I told the man on the phone this and he said that there should have been notices on the bus.
Well I wouldn’t know would I? I’m not ON the fucking bus! I also told him that nobody I’d spoke to had seen any notices (and for the record, when I finally DID get on the bus? NO NOTICES)
So, fine, I decided to walk up to the next stop. Of course, since the bus was bypassing no fewer than six stops, the next available stop was a ways up the road, and up a hill. And let me make this clear to you all: I am wearing heels. Sometimes, I wear flat shoes or sneakers on the way to work and change into heels when I get there, but today, I figured I had a ride to the bus stop and I had a ride home at the end of the day, so I should be okay in the heels. However, the hill I had to walk up to get to the bus stop, it was covered in ice, and I nearly let my face hit the pavement about eighty times on the way. My leg muscles hurt from tensing up so much to try to keep my balance.
I was almost at the stop when TWO buses came in a row, but of course I could hardly run to catch them, not without breaking my face and/or ass. So I walked, and had to wait AGES for the next one to come. I didn’t get into work until nearly 9:30, a full two hours after I originally got to the bus stop, and more than an hour after I usually get into work (8:20 or thereabouts). NOT HAPPY.
And might I add that my fucking hairband is hurting my head and irritating the living hell right out of me.
Okay, now that that rant is over with, I’ll get back on topic. Sigh.
This morning, I weighed exactly 195.0lbs. Down 6.4lbs since last Wednesday yay!
Today I’ve already eaten my apple (cut into chunks and shaken in a sandwich bag with a teaspoon of splenda and some ground cinnamon), and I’m doing okay. I’ve also got:
A fruit salad: 30 raspberries and 30 blueberries: 53
One small peach: 31
One medium banana: 105
One medium orange: 62
One Jello cup: 10
Whatever I don’t eat at work today I’m going to take home and have with a 100kcal yogurt.
It’s Day 4 of ABC and that makes it a 400 calorie day. My total with all of the above comes to: 361
Which leaves me open for maybe a small salad with some nonfat vinaigrette or something later if I’m really hungry, and still under 400 calories.
So excited, this shouldn’t be a problem. That seems like a ton of fruit.
<3
Stay Beautiful, Ladies
Xxxxx
Vee x
PS, I’m also out of Splenda so have to wander up to Tesco at lunch to buy some. Ughh.
Monday, 19 January 2009
006: I Guess It Could Be Worse
So Today is Day Six of my Restricting and shizz.
I apologise in advance, I'm not feeling very wordy and creative today so this entry will probably suck hard.
Yesterday was not a good day. First of all I woke up with a monster headache, though not quite a migraine, and it didn't go away until I went to bed after midnight. Bad times. I knew in advance that I was going to have to eat the so-yummy-but-so-fatty Sausage Bake that one of my housemates was making. I also thought it would be a good idea to eat a load of Salt and Vinegar Pringles at the cinema. So all in all I was expecting to gain today to a certain extent.
So, it could have been worse: I woke up today weighing only 0.8lbs heavier than yesterday. As of this morning, I weighed 196.4, which is still five whole pounds lighter than when I started this last Wednesday. So I can't really complain.
Today was a better day.
I slept in way later than I should have, but I had today off work, so it didn't really matter. I had about five frozen grapes first thing, and that was it until tonight. My aunt and I went to buy our cats some new collars, and then went to visit my granny. LUCKILY she was in a MUCH better mood than she has been recently, so it wasn't painful to be there today.
I had a salad tonight. And by salad I mean three lettuce leaves torn up and with 50mls of fat free vinaigrette. With a couple sliced mushrooms on top but I didn't eat all of them. Then I had a Weight Watchers' Chocolate Mousse dessert thing, so in total my calorie intake for the day was only 155.
Not bad at all, right? =]
So tomorrow I'm getting back into the ABC diet, and I'll be on Day 4 - a 400 calorie day. I've already got my food planned out up to 360 - lots of fruit and a 100cal yogurt. I'm confident that I'll be able to stick to it tomorrow. Fruit is kind of my saviour when it comes to this restricting... I can eat a load of raspberries, feel sated, and still only have had like 30cals.
Anyway, I should head off because I need to get ready for work tomorrow morning, and I'm way tired - although I have more energy than I should considering I've had less than 200cals today.
Keep strong ladies, and stay beautiful.
xxxx
Vee
I apologise in advance, I'm not feeling very wordy and creative today so this entry will probably suck hard.
Yesterday was not a good day. First of all I woke up with a monster headache, though not quite a migraine, and it didn't go away until I went to bed after midnight. Bad times. I knew in advance that I was going to have to eat the so-yummy-but-so-fatty Sausage Bake that one of my housemates was making. I also thought it would be a good idea to eat a load of Salt and Vinegar Pringles at the cinema. So all in all I was expecting to gain today to a certain extent.
So, it could have been worse: I woke up today weighing only 0.8lbs heavier than yesterday. As of this morning, I weighed 196.4, which is still five whole pounds lighter than when I started this last Wednesday. So I can't really complain.
Today was a better day.
I slept in way later than I should have, but I had today off work, so it didn't really matter. I had about five frozen grapes first thing, and that was it until tonight. My aunt and I went to buy our cats some new collars, and then went to visit my granny. LUCKILY she was in a MUCH better mood than she has been recently, so it wasn't painful to be there today.
I had a salad tonight. And by salad I mean three lettuce leaves torn up and with 50mls of fat free vinaigrette. With a couple sliced mushrooms on top but I didn't eat all of them. Then I had a Weight Watchers' Chocolate Mousse dessert thing, so in total my calorie intake for the day was only 155.
Not bad at all, right? =]
So tomorrow I'm getting back into the ABC diet, and I'll be on Day 4 - a 400 calorie day. I've already got my food planned out up to 360 - lots of fruit and a 100cal yogurt. I'm confident that I'll be able to stick to it tomorrow. Fruit is kind of my saviour when it comes to this restricting... I can eat a load of raspberries, feel sated, and still only have had like 30cals.
Anyway, I should head off because I need to get ready for work tomorrow morning, and I'm way tired - although I have more energy than I should considering I've had less than 200cals today.
Keep strong ladies, and stay beautiful.
xxxx
Vee
Saturday, 17 January 2009
004: Do You Ever Feel Like...
You just can't do ANYTHING right?
Last night basically went to hell after I'd posted. I'd managed to have 4 cups of green tea with splenda, 4 cups of strawberry-raspberry-loganberry tea with splenda, and a 295cal frozen dinner. And that was it. I was feeling very proud of myself.
Then, my aunt got home from work and we all left to the cinema. My plan was to get a Coke Zero and check out the calorie content of the ice cream bars and things they sold there. Of course, My Bloody Valentine started last night and the place was absolutely PACKED. Even the express extra-special lineup for we Unlimited Card holders was HUGE. In the end, my aunts decided we'd go out to eat instead.
I'm sure you can see where this is going.
I couldn't get out of it. We were THERE already. And my aunts know that I'm dieting and when my aunt got home from work she was bragging that all she'd eaten yesterday was some soup and one slice of bread. She's not ED, she's just... weird. And manic-depressive so sometimes her eating habits are way out there. But anyway. She was carrying on as if nobody in the history of ever had had so little to eat and oh woe is her I must feel bad. So I made the mistake of saying "Well I had a lot of green tea at work and was on a green tea buzz so I wasn't hungry until I got home so all I'VE HAD was my frozen meal." Trying to shut her up.
So of course, they assumed I must be hungry, even though I had SAID I wasn't even hungry in spite of that. And they traipsed over to the restaurant across the parking lot place thing. Got seats. And I spent ages agonizing over the menu. My aunts ordered their starters and I said I didn't want one, and then they made a big deal about BUT LOOK THEY HAVE GARLIC BREAD - and people, I'm a garlic bread addict, if there was a Garlicaholics Anonymous, I'd be the chairperson. So I had to order that, although I didn't finish it. I was going to get a fish dish because I know it would be the healthiest, but unfortunately I still can't physically bring myself to eat fish, after a serious bout of food poisoning caused by fish two years ago. Long time to hold a grudge, I know, but I HAVE NEVER been that sick in my entire life.
So, I ordered chicken and mashed potatoes. Didn't finish either of them. And made a big deal about how sick I was feeling afterward. Which wasn't a lie. I stated previously that I have no problem with people who are mia but I personally don't purge because I'm like OCD about my teeth. My paranoia is intense. But last night at the restaurant, I was just about to excuse myself to the toilets to see if anyone was in there, when my aunt piped up that her stomach was upset. She spent the next 10 minutesin the only bathroom while her partner ate her dessert - and as soon as she got back, we left. And when I got home, I physically could not be sick. I have never been more pissed off at myself as I was in that moment.
So, I went over my 500 calorie limit for yesterday by maybe an extra 500, ugh. To compensate, I'm making today a Fast Day.
In addition to that, one of my housemates had also bought all the ingredients to make her Infamous Sausage Bake. Which is totally yummy, but EXTREMELY fattening. It's like, condensed cream of tomato soup with paxo stuffing with gravy with mashed potatoes with like twenty fatty pork sausages and fuck knows what else. The problem is, this has been my favourite food for like the past ten years, and I've only had it a handful of times. The last time she made it was when I first moved to England, which is more than four years ago now. And she's already bought the ingredients. I can't not eat it, I can't tell her I don't want it. Ugh. This was an upside to the year and a half I didn't eat pork: no fatty sausages!
So, today is a fast day, tomorrow I'll have to have some sausage bake, but I'll keep my portions small, and then fast again on Monday to make up for it. Then I'll pick up the ABC on Tuesday, on Day 4 (the day after the "scheduled" fast day anyway) and take it from there.
The only upside to all of this is that I dropped 0.8lbs since yesterday (even with the Restaurant ordeal), and as of this morning I've lost exact 4lbs in 3 days, and am at 197.4lbs right now. I'm approaching that half-stone mark and I'm excited.
In other news, we went to visit my grandmother today. And I feel like shit and am trying not to hate her.
We walked in and she was like "Hey, give me £5 for a book of raffle tickets I'm selling to raise money" And I'm like "WHAT five pounds? I have no money right now" and my aunts were saying the same thing. It's a really bad time for money right now. We asked what the prizes were out of interest, and my grandmother replied as if she were telling us they were the CROWNED MOTHERFUCKIN' JEWELS themselves. "A ticket to see Sheffield Wednesday Play. And second prize is Scuba Diving".
First of all, it needs to be said that I was a Season Ticket Holder for Sheffield United for two years. When I give two shits about football, I support Sheffield Wednesday's ANTICHRIST. I did say to her that No, that's not exactly a prize I would cherish. And I can be pretty claustrophobic so I doubt I could do scuba diving. I also have a MAJOR phobia of like, swimming in deep water and knowing there are big things under me. Like a whale or a fucking sunken ship. I would have a HEART ATTACK.
So anyway, I told her I have no money. It's six week between paydays because we got paid early at Christmas. I've already had to take two HUNDRED pounds out of my savings account this month. That money was supposed to be half of my flight to visit Canada this year. And she says "Well its for a good cause!!" and I was like I have to look after my own cause right now. I have bills to pay. Transport to work, food to buy.
And she got all pissed off and basically told me to "Shove it" and nevermind, and stormed off to put her tickets away. So then my aunt was saying she was just joking (she'd said some stuff as well about no money and she can't afford tickets for shit prizes or whatever) and my grandmother turned and glared at me and was like "Yeah but then SHE* started!"
Like it's my fault I have no money and don't want to waste £5 on a fucking raffle ticket, to win a prize to see the ONE FOOTBALL TEAM that I would never go to see because they are the archrivals of my team. She made me feel like a huge bitch and then basically ignored me the rest of the time we were there. And when we said we'd take the tickets and pay her the money when we had it later, she refused to give them to us: even though earlier it was her idea that we could do that.
SHE IS SO GOOD with guilt trips. I can never do anything right, especially not by this woman.
Oh, get this. She noticed I'd lost a little weight (nothing major but 4lbs is 4lbs I guess) and I told her four pounds, all happy. And then she looked at me sternly and was like "How, you're not starving yourself, are you?"
I didn't know what to say. I told her no, I wasn't. Which to be honest is true: with all the drama of the past week and the fucking takeout food and restaurants, I haven't really. But trust her to basically tell me that hey, the only way I could conceivably lose any weight in any period of time is to just stop eating altogether. WAY TO BE SUPPORTIVE.
I am so pissed right now it's not even funny. I wanted to burst into tears and just stalk out.
Anyway before I head off, I want to ask you to keep your fingers crossed for me. This fast day is going mostly okay. It's 5pm and I did have to break it to eat nine grapes. But I was so pissed off and upset by the deal at my grandmother's house (it might not sound like a lot but this woman makes me fucking crazy upset) I just wanted to come home and comfort eat. So I just ate the rest of the grapes I'd bought that wouldn't fit into the plastic container in the freezer (I'm freezing them as a crunchy snack). So 9 grapes. I have a Sprite Zero to take to the cinema, and that's all I'm planning on having. Wish me luck
Stay Beautiful xxx
Friday, 16 January 2009
003: Day One, 500. And some ranting about piercings
Okay, so, today is Day One of the ABC diet. This means I have a daily allocation of 500 calories. It doesn’t seem like it’s going to be all that hard to be honest. When I was dieting before I was keeping below 600cals a day anyway, and at one point was having to find extra things to eat to hit the 600 mark. So this shouldn’t be TOO hard. Although I think it might be difficult when I hit the 100 and 200 calorie days. And the fast days, I can’t remember the last time I went a whole day without eating anything. But the feeling of accomplishment is amazing.
Yesterday I was thinking about starting the ABC diet, as I was under 500 cals by the time I got home from work. But I’m still feeling sick and don’t think I could have made it through the night without stuffing my face if I didn’t have SOMEthing to eat when I got home last night. So, I admit, I had some leftover KFC chicken. Call me fat if you want to, but I still LOST 2.2lbs! That’s right. I think it’s because I still managed to keep my calorie count down yesterday in spite of the chicken (small pieces are the way to go, good thing the small wings are my favourite pieces).
So that means I have managed to lose a total of 3.2lbs. As of this morning I am 198.2, down from 201.4 on Wednesday morning. Not a bad start, especially with the goddamned KFC chicken up in there. I’m still gargantuan but at least it’s a start, and 3lbs in 2 days is nothing to sniff at, especially not when you’re my size and every FRACTION of a pound counts in a big, big way. That’s why I count the .2, and am glad that my scale registers in tenths of a pound.
After the food, I went straight to bed. So I was in bed by 8:30, probably asleep by 9. I think I caught an earring on my pillow in my sleep because I vaguely remember being woken up in the middle of the night and when I put my head down, my second piercing in my right earlobe was screaming at me. I had to keep adjusting so that it didn’t sting, but then finally fell back asleep. It’s a bit raw and sore today but not too bad thank god. Lord knows I’ve already had more than my share of piercing related issues.
Like, the first time I got them pierced, as a small kid. And a family member decided to change the piercing studs and put in these plastic ones before they had healed properly, closed them too tight, and the skin started growing over the backs and got super infected. They healed over. Then I was 12 and my aunt paid to get them done for cheap at the local market. Why did either of us think that would be a good idea? They wound up getting infected, and the woman had pierced them crooked so I took them out and let them heal after two weeks. Then, when I was eighteen I got them re-pierced again so I could wear earrings for grad. No word of a lie, it took at least six MONTHS for my piercings to heal up, rather than the suggested six WEEKS. By graduation time I had only had them pierced for around two or three weeks. I knew they weren’t healed but by god I was going to wear these super nice earrings to my grad banquet (we didn’t have a “prom” so I guess it was our school’s shitty substitute). So, I coated the posts with Neosporin to promote good healing, went out, and when I got home it took a good twenty minutes to get one of my piercing studs back in. It was so painful, and because they weren’t healed and were possibly a bit infected, it was all gooshy and hard to find the exit hole in the back. Ughghh.
Then a year later I got a second set pierced in my earlobes. They took ages to heal but I put some gold earrings in and just didn’t change them, so they weren’t so traumatizing. But the same day I got the upper cartilage of my ear pierced, and that was a nightmare. I wound up with a little ball of infection next to the ring on the front side of the ear, and it took months to heal. In fact, it never healed until all of the infection had been forcibly squeezed out, which let me tell you, hurt like a motherfucker. We had to keep squeezing that thing every night for weeks and then coating the ring and my ear with pure alcohol spray (bactine was doing nothing) before it finally healed.
I kind of want to get my tongue pierced but the ordeals I’ve had so far have put me way off. Infection of the mouth doesn’t sound like a fun time. I totally thought my tattoo would react badly, but that healed perfectly fine in a couple of weeks. Go figure.
Anyway, that got ridiculously off-topic. Onto my ABCs!
This morning, I was starving. My meal allocation for today is as follows:
Fat Free Yogurt (100)
Light Cereal Bar (70)
Weight Watcher’s Frozen Meal (295)
This altogether totals 465 calories, which means I’m still under.
But, I got to work, made some green tea (3 cals per cup total with one and a half teaspoons of splenda) and some strawberry-raspberry-loganberry tea (5 cals per cup total with one and a half teaspoons of splenda. The tea itself is 2 cals/cup). I’ve had two cups of each so far, and have one of each on my desk waiting to be drunk. Drank? I’m not sure what the proper syntax is in this situation. But anyway. That means I’ve had sixteen calories so far, with eight more to go, which is 24 calories in those six cups.
And I’m not hungry anymore. It’s looking more and more likely that I won’t have that yogurt and cereal bar. We’ll see how the afternoon goes because I know I can eat those two without feeling guilty over it. But if I’m not hungry I’m not going to eat them just for the sake of it.
Right now I’m not hungry at all. Even thinking about my chicken curry and rice tonight isn’t making my mouth water, which it usually does. All I can think about is going shopping to get a lot of fruit and low-cal food. I’m going to see if I can find some of those 10cal instant soup mixes that I’ve heard people talking about. They’d be perfect for lunches at work.
So today is a 500 day, as is tomorrow. Sunday, however, is a fast day. So I need to remember to bring my box of green tea home tonight so I have something warm to sip that has flavour. Wish me luck!
Stay Beautiful!
Vee xxx
ps: cross-posting this to my other blog because I can’t think of any way to write all that in a different way, or something different to update with =P
Yesterday I was thinking about starting the ABC diet, as I was under 500 cals by the time I got home from work. But I’m still feeling sick and don’t think I could have made it through the night without stuffing my face if I didn’t have SOMEthing to eat when I got home last night. So, I admit, I had some leftover KFC chicken. Call me fat if you want to, but I still LOST 2.2lbs! That’s right. I think it’s because I still managed to keep my calorie count down yesterday in spite of the chicken (small pieces are the way to go, good thing the small wings are my favourite pieces).
So that means I have managed to lose a total of 3.2lbs. As of this morning I am 198.2, down from 201.4 on Wednesday morning. Not a bad start, especially with the goddamned KFC chicken up in there. I’m still gargantuan but at least it’s a start, and 3lbs in 2 days is nothing to sniff at, especially not when you’re my size and every FRACTION of a pound counts in a big, big way. That’s why I count the .2, and am glad that my scale registers in tenths of a pound.
After the food, I went straight to bed. So I was in bed by 8:30, probably asleep by 9. I think I caught an earring on my pillow in my sleep because I vaguely remember being woken up in the middle of the night and when I put my head down, my second piercing in my right earlobe was screaming at me. I had to keep adjusting so that it didn’t sting, but then finally fell back asleep. It’s a bit raw and sore today but not too bad thank god. Lord knows I’ve already had more than my share of piercing related issues.
Like, the first time I got them pierced, as a small kid. And a family member decided to change the piercing studs and put in these plastic ones before they had healed properly, closed them too tight, and the skin started growing over the backs and got super infected. They healed over. Then I was 12 and my aunt paid to get them done for cheap at the local market. Why did either of us think that would be a good idea? They wound up getting infected, and the woman had pierced them crooked so I took them out and let them heal after two weeks. Then, when I was eighteen I got them re-pierced again so I could wear earrings for grad. No word of a lie, it took at least six MONTHS for my piercings to heal up, rather than the suggested six WEEKS. By graduation time I had only had them pierced for around two or three weeks. I knew they weren’t healed but by god I was going to wear these super nice earrings to my grad banquet (we didn’t have a “prom” so I guess it was our school’s shitty substitute). So, I coated the posts with Neosporin to promote good healing, went out, and when I got home it took a good twenty minutes to get one of my piercing studs back in. It was so painful, and because they weren’t healed and were possibly a bit infected, it was all gooshy and hard to find the exit hole in the back. Ughghh.
Then a year later I got a second set pierced in my earlobes. They took ages to heal but I put some gold earrings in and just didn’t change them, so they weren’t so traumatizing. But the same day I got the upper cartilage of my ear pierced, and that was a nightmare. I wound up with a little ball of infection next to the ring on the front side of the ear, and it took months to heal. In fact, it never healed until all of the infection had been forcibly squeezed out, which let me tell you, hurt like a motherfucker. We had to keep squeezing that thing every night for weeks and then coating the ring and my ear with pure alcohol spray (bactine was doing nothing) before it finally healed.
I kind of want to get my tongue pierced but the ordeals I’ve had so far have put me way off. Infection of the mouth doesn’t sound like a fun time. I totally thought my tattoo would react badly, but that healed perfectly fine in a couple of weeks. Go figure.
Anyway, that got ridiculously off-topic. Onto my ABCs!
This morning, I was starving. My meal allocation for today is as follows:
Fat Free Yogurt (100)
Light Cereal Bar (70)
Weight Watcher’s Frozen Meal (295)
This altogether totals 465 calories, which means I’m still under.
But, I got to work, made some green tea (3 cals per cup total with one and a half teaspoons of splenda) and some strawberry-raspberry-loganberry tea (5 cals per cup total with one and a half teaspoons of splenda. The tea itself is 2 cals/cup). I’ve had two cups of each so far, and have one of each on my desk waiting to be drunk. Drank? I’m not sure what the proper syntax is in this situation. But anyway. That means I’ve had sixteen calories so far, with eight more to go, which is 24 calories in those six cups.
And I’m not hungry anymore. It’s looking more and more likely that I won’t have that yogurt and cereal bar. We’ll see how the afternoon goes because I know I can eat those two without feeling guilty over it. But if I’m not hungry I’m not going to eat them just for the sake of it.
Right now I’m not hungry at all. Even thinking about my chicken curry and rice tonight isn’t making my mouth water, which it usually does. All I can think about is going shopping to get a lot of fruit and low-cal food. I’m going to see if I can find some of those 10cal instant soup mixes that I’ve heard people talking about. They’d be perfect for lunches at work.
So today is a 500 day, as is tomorrow. Sunday, however, is a fast day. So I need to remember to bring my box of green tea home tonight so I have something warm to sip that has flavour. Wish me luck!
Stay Beautiful!
Vee xxx
ps: cross-posting this to my other blog because I can’t think of any way to write all that in a different way, or something different to update with =P
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