This morning: 204.4 (should probably note that my scale seems only to deal in even tenths and not odd, so technically it COULD be 204.3 or 204.5 but whatever). So I've only gained half a pound since yesterday, which is EASILY lost again =] so I'm not concerned.
Thanks to those of you that commented yesterday, I appreciate it. And I'm feeling much better and more positive than I was when I wrote my last entry.
I'll write more later, I've got to head out to the shop. Have a good one! =]
Showing posts with label weigh-in. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weigh-in. Show all posts
Sunday, 23 August 2009
Saturday, 22 August 2009
6 down, 3 to go
I Started writing this post this morning as I was getting ready to go out, but of course my laptop decided to restart about half a sentence in, to install updates. Fuck you, Vista. Fuck. YOU.
So yesterday's random huge post-fast gain was indeed a fluke, as when I weighed myself this morning the scales showed 203.8, which means as of this morning I've managed to lose exactly 6lbs since last Friday, in six days. I've got until this coming Friday (August 28th) to lose another 4, which I think is achievable if I keep it up.
In the end the two small "treats" at work was all I ate yesterday so that probably helped a little bit.
Today, after getting my hair done (I love it, it's not super different but she cut off like 4 inches and really shortened my layers and chopped it much shorter and layered around the front, and blonderized me again), I met up with S and L and we went for lunch, as planned. Instead of sushi, though, we went to a Japanese noodle bar restaurant (that S and I have gone to before), since L can't stand sushi. He's a plain-fried-rice-with-chicken kind of guy and refuses to touch sushi at all.
Food consisted of a shared order of duck gyoza (dumplings), rice with breaded chicken and some manner of Oriental curry Sauce, and a couple scoops of coconut ice cream. All in all, I don't think it was *too* bad, and it probably helps that it's all I'm having to eat today. Still, I'll probably back up a little bit tomorrow. But, anything quickly gained can be lost quickly, too. That's how I try to think of it anyway.
Anyway, how is your weekend going? Drop me a comment and let me know what you've been up to if you want =] I'll probably post a photo of The New Hair when I get a chance, I really love it, even though I've been trying to grow it and now BOOM half my hair on the shop foor. Oh well. <3
It's just after 9:30 at night here and I'm totally restless. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm craving ice cream or something sweet but luckily we don't have anything sweet in the house. And the truth is, although I'm craving it I'm not actually in the mood to eat it, even though I realize that's a total contradiction.
Haha random interruption. My cat just walked into my bedroom, looked at me and went "Meow-ow-ow." So cute. She's so vocal and random and always talks to me. In this case, she was announcing her presence and demanding that I Scratch her neck, haha.
Anyway. I just really don't think I could even be bothered by the preparation of food at this point, even if I hadn't had the big lunch today.
I'm going to go try to find something to do, which is probably nothing aside from read and channel surf. Fun!
Oh yeah I just remembered, I got a book to read on the plane: Battle Royale (yep, the book the movie was based on! If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google it, it's awesome and violent and was apparently banned in Japan for being so controversial and political when it first came out) So I can't wait to start reading it!
So yesterday's random huge post-fast gain was indeed a fluke, as when I weighed myself this morning the scales showed 203.8, which means as of this morning I've managed to lose exactly 6lbs since last Friday, in six days. I've got until this coming Friday (August 28th) to lose another 4, which I think is achievable if I keep it up.
In the end the two small "treats" at work was all I ate yesterday so that probably helped a little bit.
Today, after getting my hair done (I love it, it's not super different but she cut off like 4 inches and really shortened my layers and chopped it much shorter and layered around the front, and blonderized me again), I met up with S and L and we went for lunch, as planned. Instead of sushi, though, we went to a Japanese noodle bar restaurant (that S and I have gone to before), since L can't stand sushi. He's a plain-fried-rice-with-chicken kind of guy and refuses to touch sushi at all.
Food consisted of a shared order of duck gyoza (dumplings), rice with breaded chicken and some manner of Oriental curry Sauce, and a couple scoops of coconut ice cream. All in all, I don't think it was *too* bad, and it probably helps that it's all I'm having to eat today. Still, I'll probably back up a little bit tomorrow. But, anything quickly gained can be lost quickly, too. That's how I try to think of it anyway.
Anyway, how is your weekend going? Drop me a comment and let me know what you've been up to if you want =] I'll probably post a photo of The New Hair when I get a chance, I really love it, even though I've been trying to grow it and now BOOM half my hair on the shop foor. Oh well. <3
It's just after 9:30 at night here and I'm totally restless. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm craving ice cream or something sweet but luckily we don't have anything sweet in the house. And the truth is, although I'm craving it I'm not actually in the mood to eat it, even though I realize that's a total contradiction.
Haha random interruption. My cat just walked into my bedroom, looked at me and went "Meow-ow-ow." So cute. She's so vocal and random and always talks to me. In this case, she was announcing her presence and demanding that I Scratch her neck, haha.
Anyway. I just really don't think I could even be bothered by the preparation of food at this point, even if I hadn't had the big lunch today.
I'm going to go try to find something to do, which is probably nothing aside from read and channel surf. Fun!
Oh yeah I just remembered, I got a book to read on the plane: Battle Royale (yep, the book the movie was based on! If you don't know what I'm talking about, Google it, it's awesome and violent and was apparently banned in Japan for being so controversial and political when it first came out) So I can't wait to start reading it!
Friday, 21 August 2009
That's more like it!
I've been super good tonight. I was tempted at one point but I trudged ahead and had nothing, so the two nibbles at work is all I ate today at all!
And my aunt wasn't on food nazi mode tonight. Instead they were on "bitch about me behind my back when they think I can't hear them" mode. Yeah. It pisses me off because the shit they were bitching about was wrong too.
I heard my aunt downstairs say "whose dishes are those?" and I remembered that my two plates from last night I put in the sink in the water with some of their dishes, went upstairs to do something, and forgot to go back downstairs to wash them. So yeah, that was my bad. Excepy, J turns about and says "They're ALL Vee's from last night." which is bullshit. Bull. Shit. Then I hear my aunt claim that she did dishes already last night and today and why is there my stuff just sitting in the sink. Then I hear them bitching that if "people" are going to eat upstairs the dishes must come down right after, and not be left in there.
Fine. BUT I DID NOT LEAVE MY SHIT UPSTAIRS and it's completely bullshit that my aunt claims to have done dishes today when the large plate and small plate I put in the sink LAST NIGHT are there now?
Then she started bitching because she "wouldn't mind if there was something of HERS there but why should she do it when it's not hers?" and I was thinking dude, what the fuck. I do her dishes all the fucking time. The other night when I decided to have pasta for dinner and The Migraine started, I had to come in, wash dishes and put them away, and even throw out rotting banana skins on the counter next to the stove. So why the fuck is it okay one way but not another?
I'm getting so sick of the god damn double standards here. When I get back from my holidays and pay them off I need to start saving to get the fuck out.
So that all left me feeling pissed off. I was up in my room laying down because I was still in agony and felt sick, and I didn't want to go downstairs to call them on their BS because I don't like confrontation. But I wanted to cry. And it's not the first time (I've mentioned in here before how they both were talking about having to cook group meals, and at the time they were bitching about other stuff, and how they were allocating me certain days in which I can do my laundry instead of hey, I can do it when I need to et al.)
But I'm trying to be positive. I just went for a shower and before I got in I weighed myself, and it read an even 204lbs. Which is MUCH more like the 206 that was on there this morning what the hell.
Of course it probably helps that I've had maybe 200 calories today. But, that's good becase hopefully I'll be down at least a little bit more before I have to go for sushi tomorrow. =]
And my aunt wasn't on food nazi mode tonight. Instead they were on "bitch about me behind my back when they think I can't hear them" mode. Yeah. It pisses me off because the shit they were bitching about was wrong too.
I heard my aunt downstairs say "whose dishes are those?" and I remembered that my two plates from last night I put in the sink in the water with some of their dishes, went upstairs to do something, and forgot to go back downstairs to wash them. So yeah, that was my bad. Excepy, J turns about and says "They're ALL Vee's from last night." which is bullshit. Bull. Shit. Then I hear my aunt claim that she did dishes already last night and today and why is there my stuff just sitting in the sink. Then I hear them bitching that if "people" are going to eat upstairs the dishes must come down right after, and not be left in there.
Fine. BUT I DID NOT LEAVE MY SHIT UPSTAIRS and it's completely bullshit that my aunt claims to have done dishes today when the large plate and small plate I put in the sink LAST NIGHT are there now?
Then she started bitching because she "wouldn't mind if there was something of HERS there but why should she do it when it's not hers?" and I was thinking dude, what the fuck. I do her dishes all the fucking time. The other night when I decided to have pasta for dinner and The Migraine started, I had to come in, wash dishes and put them away, and even throw out rotting banana skins on the counter next to the stove. So why the fuck is it okay one way but not another?
I'm getting so sick of the god damn double standards here. When I get back from my holidays and pay them off I need to start saving to get the fuck out.
So that all left me feeling pissed off. I was up in my room laying down because I was still in agony and felt sick, and I didn't want to go downstairs to call them on their BS because I don't like confrontation. But I wanted to cry. And it's not the first time (I've mentioned in here before how they both were talking about having to cook group meals, and at the time they were bitching about other stuff, and how they were allocating me certain days in which I can do my laundry instead of hey, I can do it when I need to et al.)
But I'm trying to be positive. I just went for a shower and before I got in I weighed myself, and it read an even 204lbs. Which is MUCH more like the 206 that was on there this morning what the hell.
Of course it probably helps that I've had maybe 200 calories today. But, that's good becase hopefully I'll be down at least a little bit more before I have to go for sushi tomorrow. =]
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Shit yes!
Before I went to bed last night I weighed myself again (I'm not obsessive AT ALL) and it was up to 206. BUT this morning when I woke up it was back down to 204.8 exactly, so I'm down 3lbs since yesterday!
I think it's safe to say that my little fast definitely did its job!
It's nearly 9am and I haven't eaten anything aside from water, Pepsi Max, and black coffee (with zero-cal sweeteners) since 6pm on Tuesday. And it feels great.
I am exhausted, and the hunger really set in about midnight last night when I was trying to get to sleep (and it took FOREVER to get to sleep because it was so effing hot as well) but today my stomach is not registering any hunger at all. I'm craving a couple different things, but I'm not actually physically hungry. Which is as bewildering as it is annoying. I mean, I'm kind of glad because ifI'm not hungry I have no valid REASON to eat, but on the other hand I LIKE the feeling of hunger, of my stomach rumbling and digesting itself.
Anyway, I'm going to see how today goes, I'm feeling a little lightheaded already (I'm such a lightweight, I know) so I may need *something* to keep myself going until I get home tonight around 5:30.
Have a great one!!
Vee xox
I think it's safe to say that my little fast definitely did its job!
It's nearly 9am and I haven't eaten anything aside from water, Pepsi Max, and black coffee (with zero-cal sweeteners) since 6pm on Tuesday. And it feels great.
I am exhausted, and the hunger really set in about midnight last night when I was trying to get to sleep (and it took FOREVER to get to sleep because it was so effing hot as well) but today my stomach is not registering any hunger at all. I'm craving a couple different things, but I'm not actually physically hungry. Which is as bewildering as it is annoying. I mean, I'm kind of glad because ifI'm not hungry I have no valid REASON to eat, but on the other hand I LIKE the feeling of hunger, of my stomach rumbling and digesting itself.
Anyway, I'm going to see how today goes, I'm feeling a little lightheaded already (I'm such a lightweight, I know) so I may need *something* to keep myself going until I get home tonight around 5:30.
Have a great one!!
Vee xox
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
Dude, For Serious??
Before I had a shower tonight, I hopped on the scale again. And it said 204.8.
Yeah, this morning it said 207.8 - so already tonight it's showing a loss of 3lbs??
I sure hope this sticks!
Yeah, this morning it said 207.8 - so already tonight it's showing a loss of 3lbs??
I sure hope this sticks!
Sunday, 2 August 2009
Hellzyeah v2.0
All hope is not lost!
Weighed myself this afternoon (it's 2 now, I stayed in bed until noon and then went downstairs to chill with my aunts until about half an hour ago haha) and I am exactly 205.8 - so no gain this weekend! How fucking awesome is that?
I was fully expecting to be up like 2lbs after last night. I mostly behaved myself with dinner (only small amounts of rice, ate the lamb out of the main course but left the sauce etc) but I still thought I would gain between that and the alcohol and many cocktails last night. But I'm the same! It feels like a miracle haha. I haven't lost this weekend, but I'm so happy to have not gained, so none of my work this week has been undone. I'm positively euphoric today!
I think we're going to visit my granny in a while (yay I can pick up my package!) and then my aunt's got to go have some pre-op injection into her belly at 5. We're taking her to the hospital and waiting with her until she goes through into the operating theatre tomorrow morning (earlllly) and then J has to go to town I think so if it's not raining we'll go there. She wants to hit Starbucks so I might get a small skinny mocha frappucinno or something. We shall see.
Not much else to write about right now, really. S and L and I aren't going to the cinema tonight. S sent me a text-message this morning asking if it's ok to cancel and I said I'm down with that, since I really can't be bothered. Plus no pressure to get nachos or popcorn or anything with them. So that's an upside.
Short work week this week huzzah! Off tomorrow since my aunt's going in for surgery, and then I'll be in late Tues since my orthodontist appointment is midmorning. Love it!
26 days until I go to Canada. I still have mixed feelings about it, but I'm getting excited for the time off work at the very least =]
Right, I've gotta go get ready to venture out into the outside world, and then I'll get replying back to your comments.
Love ya! And I hope you all had a fabulous weekend too <3
Vee xox
Weighed myself this afternoon (it's 2 now, I stayed in bed until noon and then went downstairs to chill with my aunts until about half an hour ago haha) and I am exactly 205.8 - so no gain this weekend! How fucking awesome is that?
I was fully expecting to be up like 2lbs after last night. I mostly behaved myself with dinner (only small amounts of rice, ate the lamb out of the main course but left the sauce etc) but I still thought I would gain between that and the alcohol and many cocktails last night. But I'm the same! It feels like a miracle haha. I haven't lost this weekend, but I'm so happy to have not gained, so none of my work this week has been undone. I'm positively euphoric today!
I think we're going to visit my granny in a while (yay I can pick up my package!) and then my aunt's got to go have some pre-op injection into her belly at 5. We're taking her to the hospital and waiting with her until she goes through into the operating theatre tomorrow morning (earlllly) and then J has to go to town I think so if it's not raining we'll go there. She wants to hit Starbucks so I might get a small skinny mocha frappucinno or something. We shall see.
Not much else to write about right now, really. S and L and I aren't going to the cinema tonight. S sent me a text-message this morning asking if it's ok to cancel and I said I'm down with that, since I really can't be bothered. Plus no pressure to get nachos or popcorn or anything with them. So that's an upside.
Short work week this week huzzah! Off tomorrow since my aunt's going in for surgery, and then I'll be in late Tues since my orthodontist appointment is midmorning. Love it!
26 days until I go to Canada. I still have mixed feelings about it, but I'm getting excited for the time off work at the very least =]
Right, I've gotta go get ready to venture out into the outside world, and then I'll get replying back to your comments.
Love ya! And I hope you all had a fabulous weekend too <3
Vee xox
Saturday, 1 August 2009
Small Successes
So it's now 2:30 in the afternoon, and after having nothing to eat all morning and then 15 minutes of sporatic running/walking on my treadmill at the highest resistance (there are only 8 levels - and dude, I am SO out of shape, those 15 minutes were a struggle!) I'm back down to 206.2. So I'm only 0.4 up from yesterday right now which is not bad =]
Not meeting S and L until 7, and I'm not hungry at all, so it's looking good!
Not meeting S and L until 7, and I'm not hungry at all, so it's looking good!
Thursday, 30 July 2009
I was wrong!
Haha so the current weight I posted yesterday was wrong. I put down 107.8 instead of 106.8. So the latter is where I really was. Obviously yesterday is a long day, if I didn't even know where I was.
Today is still down, not a huge amount, but still another 0.4, so nearly half a pound. Total loss so far is 4lbs, so I'm definitely on target to be down 5lbs total by Sunday =]
Thanks for all your comments last night, it was great coming online and seeing SEVEN new comments waiting for me. Love you all! I'll get replying back today, once I've got enough work done to take another break.
So, plan for today:
Breakfast
30 grapes (90calories)
Lunch
Skip
Dinner
10-cal soup (10 calories)
Daily total: 100
Bring it on!
Today is still down, not a huge amount, but still another 0.4, so nearly half a pound. Total loss so far is 4lbs, so I'm definitely on target to be down 5lbs total by Sunday =]
Thanks for all your comments last night, it was great coming online and seeing SEVEN new comments waiting for me. Love you all! I'll get replying back today, once I've got enough work done to take another break.
So, plan for today:
Breakfast
30 grapes (90calories)
Lunch
Skip
Dinner
10-cal soup (10 calories)
Daily total: 100
Bring it on!
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Roundup
So. Starting weight this morning: 207.8 - yep, that's really where I'm at right now, and it's shit =/ But at least the number is dropping!
Calore intake was as originally outlined, but I also had a handful of little pretzels, so I'm going to tack on an estimate of say 70 calories? Not too bad.
So total for the day comes to.. 453. Which is higher than yesterday but still perfectly acceptable =]
I still can't believe how well this week has gone so far - the shitty sleeping issues aside of course. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up.
Tomorrow I'm aiming for more of the same... but I might go the extra mile and just have a 10 calorie soup for dinner instead. I'm aiming to keep my intake under 100 tomorrow with 2 ten calorie soups and a handful of grapes at work. Wish me luck!
Calore intake was as originally outlined, but I also had a handful of little pretzels, so I'm going to tack on an estimate of say 70 calories? Not too bad.
So total for the day comes to.. 453. Which is higher than yesterday but still perfectly acceptable =]
I still can't believe how well this week has gone so far - the shitty sleeping issues aside of course. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up.
Tomorrow I'm aiming for more of the same... but I might go the extra mile and just have a 10 calorie soup for dinner instead. I'm aiming to keep my intake under 100 tomorrow with 2 ten calorie soups and a handful of grapes at work. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Trying to Stay Motivated
This morning I woke up exactly the same as I did yesterday. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But I'm so stressed out and depressed right now, it's stupid. I don't even have a real reason to be stressed out and depressed, so maybe I'm just going through a bit of a downer phase. The very thought of trying to find space to unpack all of my shit makes me want to pass out. Honestly, I have SO MUCH SHIT. And I can't even think of anything to get rid of. Because damn it, I spent good money on accumulating this shit, and the minute I throw it away is the minute I'll need it again.
I'm such a damn pack rat.
I have so much art "stuff". Sketch books and artist pencils and charcoal and fine-tipped pens for inking in line art. But the sad truth is that I haven't touched a sketch book in... well. Over a year at least, I haven't touched any of it since I moved in with my aunts. I love to draw, but my perfectionism outweighs the level of my talent and whenever I try, I just get pissed off. It doesn't help that ALL I can draw are cartooney figures. And even then, only chicks. So really, what's the point, right?
And yet, I keep it. I've always been very creative and artistic, and even though I haven't touched any of it in over a year, it feels like a sin to get rid of it.
Ditto with my guitar. I wanted a guitar for YEARS. When I moved here, the first year I was here, on November 12th 2004, my aunt bought me a second-hand acoustic from a cash converters place. Early Christmas present. And I was SO excited. I printed off guitar tabs from the internet and set to work trying to learn, well, anything.
That was nearly five years ago, and I can only play one song. I can fumble through another VERY, retardedly, slowly. I almost never try. It feels like a lost cause because I've been learning so god damn slowly, don't know where to start.
This has given me a little bit of insight into my too-ready-to-give-up nature. And realizing it makes me more determined than ever to prove myself wrong and reach ONE of my god damn goals. Every other goal I've set just never happened.
Learn to play guitar.
Learn to speak Japanese (still in progress, though)
Get a university degree to be proud of, and then a "real job".
Finish writing my book before I'm 25.
That last one makes me both want to laugh and cry.
I started writing it in high school. Scrapped it and restarted it like four times so far. Right now, I'm 23 years old, and I have nine pages in a word document. Nine. Fucking. Pages. And everytime I go to write more, I have no motivation, no level of creativity, I don't know what to write. When I force myself to write another paragraph, two paragraphs, a page, I wind up deleting it because the beginning of the story flows and reads okay, but everything I add on reads so dumb and fucking redundant.
But the goal to hit 120lbs? I will fucking damn well get there. Today is a set back, in that my weight is the exact same, down to the tenth of a pound, as it was yesterday. But I'll get there. I have to.
So, today's planning. I had to deviate from what I wrote yesterday because I forgot to put my milk-cooler-thing into the freezer last night.
Morning Weigh-In: 203.6lbs
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast Plan: Vitality Probiotic Drink
Breakfast Calories: 67
Lunch Plan: Vanilla Muller Light Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner Plan: Chicken 10-Calorie Soup
Dinner Calories: 10
Snack Plan: Strawberry Muller Light Yogurt
Snack Calories: 100
Total: 277 calories
The snack is provisional. I'm not banking on having it, but I'm making it an option if I feel like I need something else. I'd rather fill up on 100 calories worth of yogurt than grap a maple syrup granola bar or something. Anyway, it's there if I really want something else in the evening.
God, I'm so tired. Wish me luck for today, I'll need it just to stop from falling asleep at my desk.
Vee xox
I'm such a damn pack rat.
I have so much art "stuff". Sketch books and artist pencils and charcoal and fine-tipped pens for inking in line art. But the sad truth is that I haven't touched a sketch book in... well. Over a year at least, I haven't touched any of it since I moved in with my aunts. I love to draw, but my perfectionism outweighs the level of my talent and whenever I try, I just get pissed off. It doesn't help that ALL I can draw are cartooney figures. And even then, only chicks. So really, what's the point, right?
And yet, I keep it. I've always been very creative and artistic, and even though I haven't touched any of it in over a year, it feels like a sin to get rid of it.
Ditto with my guitar. I wanted a guitar for YEARS. When I moved here, the first year I was here, on November 12th 2004, my aunt bought me a second-hand acoustic from a cash converters place. Early Christmas present. And I was SO excited. I printed off guitar tabs from the internet and set to work trying to learn, well, anything.
That was nearly five years ago, and I can only play one song. I can fumble through another VERY, retardedly, slowly. I almost never try. It feels like a lost cause because I've been learning so god damn slowly, don't know where to start.
This has given me a little bit of insight into my too-ready-to-give-up nature. And realizing it makes me more determined than ever to prove myself wrong and reach ONE of my god damn goals. Every other goal I've set just never happened.
Learn to play guitar.
Learn to speak Japanese (still in progress, though)
Get a university degree to be proud of, and then a "real job".
Finish writing my book before I'm 25.
That last one makes me both want to laugh and cry.
I started writing it in high school. Scrapped it and restarted it like four times so far. Right now, I'm 23 years old, and I have nine pages in a word document. Nine. Fucking. Pages. And everytime I go to write more, I have no motivation, no level of creativity, I don't know what to write. When I force myself to write another paragraph, two paragraphs, a page, I wind up deleting it because the beginning of the story flows and reads okay, but everything I add on reads so dumb and fucking redundant.
But the goal to hit 120lbs? I will fucking damn well get there. Today is a set back, in that my weight is the exact same, down to the tenth of a pound, as it was yesterday. But I'll get there. I have to.
So, today's planning. I had to deviate from what I wrote yesterday because I forgot to put my milk-cooler-thing into the freezer last night.
Morning Weigh-In: 203.6lbs
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast Plan: Vitality Probiotic Drink
Breakfast Calories: 67
Lunch Plan: Vanilla Muller Light Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner Plan: Chicken 10-Calorie Soup
Dinner Calories: 10
Snack Plan: Strawberry Muller Light Yogurt
Snack Calories: 100
Total: 277 calories
The snack is provisional. I'm not banking on having it, but I'm making it an option if I feel like I need something else. I'd rather fill up on 100 calories worth of yogurt than grap a maple syrup granola bar or something. Anyway, it's there if I really want something else in the evening.
God, I'm so tired. Wish me luck for today, I'll need it just to stop from falling asleep at my desk.
Vee xox
Tuesday, 16 June 2009
Planning!
Okay, babycakes!
Day one went alright. I went over but I don't think it was by much. I lost 0.2 since yesterday, I think I'm still retaining water weight from the massive alcohol-induced dehydration on the weekend. I feel bloated, which is different from fat. We'll see I guess. I haven't been drinking near enough water so it's possible my body is going "what the fuck dude" and retaining a lot of what I do drink so I don't pass out from lack of water? Can that even happen? I'm the one who fucking took Biology and Chem classes in high school instead of taking stupid-level-just-plain-science.
Something about seeking homeostasis. I eat a lot of salt and don't drink enough water. Ergo; I am bloated because of the salt and dehydrated due to lack of water in my actual body cells - because the salt in the bloodstream draws water out of the body cells to seek balance. Or maybe I have this backwards, maybe the sodium goes into the body cells and draws the water from the bloodstream into the body which would induce bloating, and also dehydration within the bloodstream.
The latter sounds more likely but I honestly can't remember if it works both ways around. I think it does. I need to do research because this is going to bother me now.
I'm such a fucking dork.
Anyway, this post is about planning!
I'm excited that Erika is doing ABC at the same time as me. Doing it with someone (ooh, naughty!) gives that little extra motivation! I was going to do this with my good friend K but she started while I was still pondering whether or not to do the plan again, so I'm a few days behind her. Erika and I both started yesterday though, so yay!
So. Today is day 2. Which means that it is a 500 calorie day.
Morning Weigh In: 203.6lbs *I want to note here that I weighed myself before bed last night and it read 202 even. Usually I'm 1-3lbs lighter in the morning, so clearly I'm fucked up right now*
Daily Calorie Cap: 500
Breakfast: Sausage Sandwich. My reasoning here is that I'm migraine-al and want something with a good amount of meat in it (protein) to try to beat it off. I think the headache could also be due to salt intake (I probably consume on a daily basis twice as much as is the recommended max for an adult =/) so I'm also going to buy a bottle of water and down it, and TRY to refill it and drink in total 3 bottles of water at work. I had to take home the water bottle I bought from Paperchase because the water from the drinks machine at work made it grow Algae. What. The. Shit?
Breakfast Calories: Approx 360. I'm overestimating with the meat a little bit because I don't know how much fat that shit is cooked in.
Lunch: Skip
Lunch Calories: 0
Dinner: Fat-Free Strawberry Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Daily Total Intake: 440
That's a number I'm comfortable with, only because it's under my cap for the day. I also feel like having the larger "meal" in the morning will help jumpstart my metabolism and give me longer to burn it off, instead of eating right before bedtime and going to sleep with food in my stomach.
The downside is that there are still hella boxes in my room and I can't get the damn treadmill out to use yet. Upside is that my aunt finally moved some boxes around in the spare room so we could set up my bookshelf last night so I can get my books unpacked, and a few other things that usually go on there (um yeah, I keep my hot rollers, my jewellery box, a bag of extra skincare stuff, my digital camera etc on the bottom shelf) AND I can finally move my computer into the spare room too, and unload another box of "Shit that goes on my desk" like blank CDs, some stationery and drawing pencils and notebooks, video games, magazines, etc etc.
That should get rid of the bigger box in my bedroom at least, the smaller one I can probably shove into the spare room - I can't unpack it until I get some kind of storage unit in place for my skincare and miscellaneous items. I own too much makeup/skincare / stationery.
I'm aiming to get all my books unpacked tonight at the very minimum, which should clear out about five half-filled boxes and two fully-filled boxes from the spare bedroom, which is a decent start!
Anyway, I've also planned out tomorrow, so I'll add that here too. I'll repost it tomorrow with my new weigh-in and that too.
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast: Special K with Soymilk
Breakfast Calories: 89
Lunch: Fat-Free Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner: Fat-Free Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Total: 289
I'm pretty sure there was something else I wanted to address here too, but I can't remember so it'll come later, if and when I can remember what I was.
Day one went alright. I went over but I don't think it was by much. I lost 0.2 since yesterday, I think I'm still retaining water weight from the massive alcohol-induced dehydration on the weekend. I feel bloated, which is different from fat. We'll see I guess. I haven't been drinking near enough water so it's possible my body is going "what the fuck dude" and retaining a lot of what I do drink so I don't pass out from lack of water? Can that even happen? I'm the one who fucking took Biology and Chem classes in high school instead of taking stupid-level-just-plain-science.
Something about seeking homeostasis. I eat a lot of salt and don't drink enough water. Ergo; I am bloated because of the salt and dehydrated due to lack of water in my actual body cells - because the salt in the bloodstream draws water out of the body cells to seek balance. Or maybe I have this backwards, maybe the sodium goes into the body cells and draws the water from the bloodstream into the body which would induce bloating, and also dehydration within the bloodstream.
The latter sounds more likely but I honestly can't remember if it works both ways around. I think it does. I need to do research because this is going to bother me now.
I'm such a fucking dork.
Anyway, this post is about planning!
I'm excited that Erika is doing ABC at the same time as me. Doing it with someone (ooh, naughty!) gives that little extra motivation! I was going to do this with my good friend K but she started while I was still pondering whether or not to do the plan again, so I'm a few days behind her. Erika and I both started yesterday though, so yay!
So. Today is day 2. Which means that it is a 500 calorie day.
Morning Weigh In: 203.6lbs *I want to note here that I weighed myself before bed last night and it read 202 even. Usually I'm 1-3lbs lighter in the morning, so clearly I'm fucked up right now*
Daily Calorie Cap: 500
Breakfast: Sausage Sandwich. My reasoning here is that I'm migraine-al and want something with a good amount of meat in it (protein) to try to beat it off. I think the headache could also be due to salt intake (I probably consume on a daily basis twice as much as is the recommended max for an adult =/) so I'm also going to buy a bottle of water and down it, and TRY to refill it and drink in total 3 bottles of water at work. I had to take home the water bottle I bought from Paperchase because the water from the drinks machine at work made it grow Algae. What. The. Shit?
Breakfast Calories: Approx 360. I'm overestimating with the meat a little bit because I don't know how much fat that shit is cooked in.
Lunch: Skip
Lunch Calories: 0
Dinner: Fat-Free Strawberry Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Daily Total Intake: 440
That's a number I'm comfortable with, only because it's under my cap for the day. I also feel like having the larger "meal" in the morning will help jumpstart my metabolism and give me longer to burn it off, instead of eating right before bedtime and going to sleep with food in my stomach.
The downside is that there are still hella boxes in my room and I can't get the damn treadmill out to use yet. Upside is that my aunt finally moved some boxes around in the spare room so we could set up my bookshelf last night so I can get my books unpacked, and a few other things that usually go on there (um yeah, I keep my hot rollers, my jewellery box, a bag of extra skincare stuff, my digital camera etc on the bottom shelf) AND I can finally move my computer into the spare room too, and unload another box of "Shit that goes on my desk" like blank CDs, some stationery and drawing pencils and notebooks, video games, magazines, etc etc.
That should get rid of the bigger box in my bedroom at least, the smaller one I can probably shove into the spare room - I can't unpack it until I get some kind of storage unit in place for my skincare and miscellaneous items. I own too much makeup/skincare / stationery.
I'm aiming to get all my books unpacked tonight at the very minimum, which should clear out about five half-filled boxes and two fully-filled boxes from the spare bedroom, which is a decent start!
Anyway, I've also planned out tomorrow, so I'll add that here too. I'll repost it tomorrow with my new weigh-in and that too.
ABC Day: 3
Calorie Cap: 300
Breakfast: Special K with Soymilk
Breakfast Calories: 89
Lunch: Fat-Free Yogurt
Lunch Calories: 100
Dinner: Fat-Free Yogurt
Dinner Calories: 100
Total: 289
I'm pretty sure there was something else I wanted to address here too, but I can't remember so it'll come later, if and when I can remember what I was.
Tuesday, 5 May 2009
Shit
Yep. Back up 1lb to 144.4
Not surprised, I fully expected it. But still disappointed.
The worst part? My aunts appear to have arranged for proper "family, sit-down" dinners all this week until they go away. Tonight's culprit is Shepherd's Pie. Nobody told me, hey, you need to be home by x time because that is when we will have dinner ready. So, I was kind of planning to do overtime until maybe 7, come home and be all, "oh well you didn't tell me I had to be home at a certain time" so I wouldn't have to eat WITH them at least.
But, I just got into work and there is almost no actual WORK to speak of. An assload of people came in on overtime over the long weekend and basically got through everything, especially the easy stuff. All that seems to be left to do involves calling people to find out what they want before we can do it, and I hate doing phone work. If I wanted to be on the phones all day I would have gotten a job at a fucking call-centre (not that any of them actually exist in the UK anymore).
So, there is no overtime, which means I'll more than likely have to leave at 5 because there just isn't enough work to keep me going beyond that, which means I'll be home while dinner is cooked and served and if I don't finish it all then by GOD there has to be something wrong!
They drive me crazy sometimes. If I'm not laughing and peppy and full of energy, there must of course be something wrong. Case in point: Sunday night.
First we were watching The Ruins on dvd, and my aunt talked through the ENTIRE THING. Now this almost always irritates me because I, for one, would like to watch the movie without a fucking commentary every thirty seconds. Sometimes she is so bad for this that I want to explode. A few months ago while we were watching episodes of season 1 of Lost, it got to the point where I wasn't even concentrating on the tv anymore because I couldn't even hear what was going on, and was instead counting my head the number of seconds between her TALKING.
The longest she lasted in silence? 42 fucking seconds. Through THREE EPISODES OF LOST.
So, Sunday night she was doing the same thing and I was trying very hard not to get annoyed. At one point I had my head cocked and was almost squinting at the screen in concentration to hear what the fuck was going on over her voice. And she looked at me and said "what's wrong?" and I said "I can't hear anything" and she ignored me and kept talking.
At the end, once again, she kept jabbering. It also annoys me when people are watching a movie and say "such and such is going to happen. I TOLD YOU! Didn't I?" Her partner is worse than she is for that (J has a tendency to "predict" what is going to happen and then be all "TOLD YA!" even if it's a movie WE HAVE SEEN BEFORE and I just want to scream out THANKS FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS, CAPTAIN RETARDO! YOU DID NOT "TELL ME" SHIT!" Obviously, I am a very mean, mean person with serious rage issues. Moving swiftly on) So of course my aunt is all "this is going to happen. I can see it. Just watch! AHA SEE I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I?!" and I just kind of ignored her. And because I wasn't giggling in awe of her AMAZING film-predicting talent (even though she herself admitted "it kind of sucks how so many movies are so damn predictable these days, huh?" and figuring out the end is not, therefore, a huge act of talent or skill) she turned and said, in an almost offended tone "what's wrong with you?!"
When she says that to me, and especially in that tone, I want to scream. My aunt suffers from severe depression and possible bipolar disorder. When she's down, she's quiet, bitchy, and sleeps like every single hour that she isn't at work. But it's OKAY for her to not be the sunny life of the party, and that is what pisses me off: something must be WRONG if I am quiet or tired or not laughing my ass off every single second of every single day. But she doesn't even ASK "is something the matter?" in a tone that sounds caring or halfway interested. No, I get an abrupt "what's wrong with you!?!?!" instead.
WELL GEE SINCE YOU ASKED SO NICELY...
I'm not saying that something is always bothering me, but sometimes there IS something and I'm not going to talk about my feelings to somebody who acts like that.
In this case, the something wrong could have been summed up by "If you're not going to watch the motherfucking movie, then tell me and I will go watch it on my computer instead so you can sit and talk yourself in peace, because I, for one, would actually like to hear what the fuck is going on."
But it's perfectly okay for her to shush other people. If J is talking my aunt will hush shush shush shutupplease her until she is quiet. God forbid if I did.
Incidentally, that time with Lost? I even told her "you know, the longest you went without talking was 42 seconds" and she just laughed it off and said she was bored because she'd seen it before. She was the one who wanted to rewatch them. Otherwise, again, I'd have just watched the episodes on my computer in peace and silence.
God, I'm turning into a ranty old asshole of a woman aren't I?
And obviously, every little thing can really piss me off. But yeah, I was super anoyed the other night and I can't help myself.
I forgot what else I was actually going to write about here, so I'll leave off with that for now and write more as and when I can think of something else. In the meantime, I need to try to scrounge up some work to do =/.
Much love ladies, and I hope you're all having a better start to the week than I am. Four "family" meals together, and I'm home free for nearly two weeks. Bring it on.
Also, this time next week I will be sitting in my orthodontist's office and waiting for my braces to come off. Fuck yeah! I will also, however, be old. Fucking birthdays.
Starve on,
Vee xox
Not surprised, I fully expected it. But still disappointed.
The worst part? My aunts appear to have arranged for proper "family, sit-down" dinners all this week until they go away. Tonight's culprit is Shepherd's Pie. Nobody told me, hey, you need to be home by x time because that is when we will have dinner ready. So, I was kind of planning to do overtime until maybe 7, come home and be all, "oh well you didn't tell me I had to be home at a certain time" so I wouldn't have to eat WITH them at least.
But, I just got into work and there is almost no actual WORK to speak of. An assload of people came in on overtime over the long weekend and basically got through everything, especially the easy stuff. All that seems to be left to do involves calling people to find out what they want before we can do it, and I hate doing phone work. If I wanted to be on the phones all day I would have gotten a job at a fucking call-centre (not that any of them actually exist in the UK anymore).
So, there is no overtime, which means I'll more than likely have to leave at 5 because there just isn't enough work to keep me going beyond that, which means I'll be home while dinner is cooked and served and if I don't finish it all then by GOD there has to be something wrong!
They drive me crazy sometimes. If I'm not laughing and peppy and full of energy, there must of course be something wrong. Case in point: Sunday night.
First we were watching The Ruins on dvd, and my aunt talked through the ENTIRE THING. Now this almost always irritates me because I, for one, would like to watch the movie without a fucking commentary every thirty seconds. Sometimes she is so bad for this that I want to explode. A few months ago while we were watching episodes of season 1 of Lost, it got to the point where I wasn't even concentrating on the tv anymore because I couldn't even hear what was going on, and was instead counting my head the number of seconds between her TALKING.
The longest she lasted in silence? 42 fucking seconds. Through THREE EPISODES OF LOST.
So, Sunday night she was doing the same thing and I was trying very hard not to get annoyed. At one point I had my head cocked and was almost squinting at the screen in concentration to hear what the fuck was going on over her voice. And she looked at me and said "what's wrong?" and I said "I can't hear anything" and she ignored me and kept talking.
At the end, once again, she kept jabbering. It also annoys me when people are watching a movie and say "such and such is going to happen. I TOLD YOU! Didn't I?" Her partner is worse than she is for that (J has a tendency to "predict" what is going to happen and then be all "TOLD YA!" even if it's a movie WE HAVE SEEN BEFORE and I just want to scream out THANKS FOR STATING THE OBVIOUS, CAPTAIN RETARDO! YOU DID NOT "TELL ME" SHIT!" Obviously, I am a very mean, mean person with serious rage issues. Moving swiftly on) So of course my aunt is all "this is going to happen. I can see it. Just watch! AHA SEE I TOLD YOU DIDN'T I?!" and I just kind of ignored her. And because I wasn't giggling in awe of her AMAZING film-predicting talent (even though she herself admitted "it kind of sucks how so many movies are so damn predictable these days, huh?" and figuring out the end is not, therefore, a huge act of talent or skill) she turned and said, in an almost offended tone "what's wrong with you?!"
When she says that to me, and especially in that tone, I want to scream. My aunt suffers from severe depression and possible bipolar disorder. When she's down, she's quiet, bitchy, and sleeps like every single hour that she isn't at work. But it's OKAY for her to not be the sunny life of the party, and that is what pisses me off: something must be WRONG if I am quiet or tired or not laughing my ass off every single second of every single day. But she doesn't even ASK "is something the matter?" in a tone that sounds caring or halfway interested. No, I get an abrupt "what's wrong with you!?!?!" instead.
WELL GEE SINCE YOU ASKED SO NICELY...
I'm not saying that something is always bothering me, but sometimes there IS something and I'm not going to talk about my feelings to somebody who acts like that.
In this case, the something wrong could have been summed up by "If you're not going to watch the motherfucking movie, then tell me and I will go watch it on my computer instead so you can sit and talk yourself in peace, because I, for one, would actually like to hear what the fuck is going on."
But it's perfectly okay for her to shush other people. If J is talking my aunt will hush shush shush shutupplease her until she is quiet. God forbid if I did.
Incidentally, that time with Lost? I even told her "you know, the longest you went without talking was 42 seconds" and she just laughed it off and said she was bored because she'd seen it before. She was the one who wanted to rewatch them. Otherwise, again, I'd have just watched the episodes on my computer in peace and silence.
God, I'm turning into a ranty old asshole of a woman aren't I?
And obviously, every little thing can really piss me off. But yeah, I was super anoyed the other night and I can't help myself.
I forgot what else I was actually going to write about here, so I'll leave off with that for now and write more as and when I can think of something else. In the meantime, I need to try to scrounge up some work to do =/.
Much love ladies, and I hope you're all having a better start to the week than I am. Four "family" meals together, and I'm home free for nearly two weeks. Bring it on.
Also, this time next week I will be sitting in my orthodontist's office and waiting for my braces to come off. Fuck yeah! I will also, however, be old. Fucking birthdays.
Starve on,
Vee xox
Monday, 4 May 2009
Oh what?
After last night's blog about how I was okay yesterday but not good enough to lose - and probably bad enough to gain - it was with no small measure of trepidation that I stepped onto my scale this morning. I kept thinking, maybe I should stop weighing in every day and just do a weekly weigh in on like Friday or Saturday. That way, I can just count up the pounds lost in a week and there won't be quite as much daily up-down fluctuations going on. And maybe I'll be happier to see a drop of 4lbs all at once, rather than the odd pound here, half a pound there.
The problem is, I'm a slave to my scale. I am physically incapable of not weighing in, unless I've managed to completely forget about it as I'm running late for work or something. So, I stepped on, bracing myself for the magic number - 195? 195.5?
But no. 193.4. A drop of 0.6lbs from yesterday.
Can I get a FUCK YEAH!?
Such a relief. Today is going to be a non-eating day for MOST of the day. Unfortunately my aunts want me to make my famous linguine (which includes an olive-oil based garlic sauce and fresh parmesan cheese) tonight, which means that I can afford one small serving of that and NOTHING ELSE if I don't want to balloon back up tomorrow. Hopefully not eating for the rest of the day will balance out the oil-calories, but to be perfectly honest, I'm not holding my breath. Again. The last time I made my pasta I put on like 2lbs overnight.
Luckily it's back to working long hours tomorrow so I'll be able to get away with not eating much from Tuesday to Thursday (Going out for a birthday dinner with family on Friday BUT then my aunts are going away!)
Anyway, I need to get dressed and put my makeups on - gotta get fakin' that perfect skin of mine! ;] - because I need to hit the mall and do some birthday shopping for my aunt's partner and my grandfather. I also need to get an 18th birthday card for my brother and a graduation card to send to my sister, both in Canada. I'm probably forgetting something, May is a brutal month for special occasions =/
I did a lot of tarot-playing last night and the results I got were pretty interesting and motivating! So I'll share that with you when I get home, I don't have time right now =]
Vee xox
The problem is, I'm a slave to my scale. I am physically incapable of not weighing in, unless I've managed to completely forget about it as I'm running late for work or something. So, I stepped on, bracing myself for the magic number - 195? 195.5?
But no. 193.4. A drop of 0.6lbs from yesterday.
Can I get a FUCK YEAH!?
Such a relief. Today is going to be a non-eating day for MOST of the day. Unfortunately my aunts want me to make my famous linguine (which includes an olive-oil based garlic sauce and fresh parmesan cheese) tonight, which means that I can afford one small serving of that and NOTHING ELSE if I don't want to balloon back up tomorrow. Hopefully not eating for the rest of the day will balance out the oil-calories, but to be perfectly honest, I'm not holding my breath. Again. The last time I made my pasta I put on like 2lbs overnight.
Luckily it's back to working long hours tomorrow so I'll be able to get away with not eating much from Tuesday to Thursday (Going out for a birthday dinner with family on Friday BUT then my aunts are going away!)
Anyway, I need to get dressed and put my makeups on - gotta get fakin' that perfect skin of mine! ;] - because I need to hit the mall and do some birthday shopping for my aunt's partner and my grandfather. I also need to get an 18th birthday card for my brother and a graduation card to send to my sister, both in Canada. I'm probably forgetting something, May is a brutal month for special occasions =/
I did a lot of tarot-playing last night and the results I got were pretty interesting and motivating! So I'll share that with you when I get home, I don't have time right now =]
Vee xox
Sunday, 3 May 2009
You and Me and the Devil Makes Three
Today was good and bad.
The good points:
Although we had Indian takeout last night, I didn't eat much of mine and stayed the same weight from yesterday, which was a surprise. So today I'm still 194, which is a fucking hell of a lot better than gaining.
I went to Makro with my aunts this afternoon... I don't know if they have Makro in America but essentially it's very similar to like Costco, where you buy things in bulk and they profess to be way cheaper, until you realize you've got to add your 15% VAT on top of that (in England, prices in most places already include VAT so what you see on a price tag is what you pay at the till. Not so at Makro), so in the end you wind up saving very little. It's a very good marketing ploy though, and I bet they make tons of money.
Anyway, my aunts just went for some laundry detergent and some soap and OXO stock cubes to take to the owners of a pub they go to in Spain (they have a time share for two weeks every year in May and have made friends with these people, who are from England, so when they go they take back a couple things that they miss and can't get over there.) As we were checking out, the older lady at the till scanned the package of Imperial Leather soap and asked me "So is that your secret?" and told me I have lovely perfect skin. I laughed it off and said hell no, I use Clinique and she was like "My sister uses Clinque but she doesn't look like you!"
Obviously, that comment totally made my fucking day. What I SHOULD have said to her is "My skin looks perfect due to much MAC concealer and foundation, thankyouverymuch, but at least it's doing its job!"
The funny thing is, this comes the day after I get my hair cut and coloured (another plus for this weekend, by the way). I usually get some blonde highlights on the top/sides and around the front, but this time I wanted to really lighten my hair up so I got lots of blonde highlights all over. And it looks amazing. It sounds dumb but I swear to God, people do seem to notice me a lot more when I'm blonder. For better or worse, I'm not sure yet.
Anyway. Those are the good points.
The major bad point is that I'll probably have gained tomorrow. Which makes me sad.
I did pretty well today, but not well enough. I had a couple of pieces of warm garlic naan bread with some hummus. It doesn't sound bad but... Hummus always feel like such a dirty indulgence to me and although I love it, I ALWAYS feel guilty when I've had it. In the evening my aunts and I were watching a movie (The Ruins) and I was craving nachos with melted cheese and salsa, but had a little organic coffee ice cream instead. And a few chocolate-covered Brazil nuts.
It feels a lot worse than it sounds to write it. Maybe I'm deluded and think it's not all that much, when really it is. I guess the scales tomorrow will tell.
Although - and this is probably too much information, but whatever - I've been feeling really consipated today, and yesterday. So maybe I'm slightly lighter than the scales are showing, and when that passes I'll drop another pound or so?
Wishful thinking. I know, it's bad. But I can't help but hope.
I'm kind of looking forward to going back to work on Tuesday. The weekends are always worse for me, because my aunts are always around. At work, I can get away with not eating all day, even if I work until 6:30. And by that time, I can usually tell my aunts I ate already or have something small when I get home. But on the weekends there's almost always some level of pressure. Like, they decide it will be nice to make a Sunday Dinner (England has its traditions, like nice sit-down family meals on Sundays, which are usually a roast of some kind but not always), or having one of my favourite meals ready when I get home from work.
I appreciate the sentiment, but I wish they wouldn't.
Twelve weeks. My aunt's waiting list for her surgery is twelve weeks.
If I can make it until then without slipping up, I'll be down to the home stretch.
I can do it. WE can do it.
And I don't need surgery to stop myself.
Starve on.
Vee xox
The good points:
Although we had Indian takeout last night, I didn't eat much of mine and stayed the same weight from yesterday, which was a surprise. So today I'm still 194, which is a fucking hell of a lot better than gaining.
I went to Makro with my aunts this afternoon... I don't know if they have Makro in America but essentially it's very similar to like Costco, where you buy things in bulk and they profess to be way cheaper, until you realize you've got to add your 15% VAT on top of that (in England, prices in most places already include VAT so what you see on a price tag is what you pay at the till. Not so at Makro), so in the end you wind up saving very little. It's a very good marketing ploy though, and I bet they make tons of money.
Anyway, my aunts just went for some laundry detergent and some soap and OXO stock cubes to take to the owners of a pub they go to in Spain (they have a time share for two weeks every year in May and have made friends with these people, who are from England, so when they go they take back a couple things that they miss and can't get over there.) As we were checking out, the older lady at the till scanned the package of Imperial Leather soap and asked me "So is that your secret?" and told me I have lovely perfect skin. I laughed it off and said hell no, I use Clinique and she was like "My sister uses Clinque but she doesn't look like you!"
Obviously, that comment totally made my fucking day. What I SHOULD have said to her is "My skin looks perfect due to much MAC concealer and foundation, thankyouverymuch, but at least it's doing its job!"
The funny thing is, this comes the day after I get my hair cut and coloured (another plus for this weekend, by the way). I usually get some blonde highlights on the top/sides and around the front, but this time I wanted to really lighten my hair up so I got lots of blonde highlights all over. And it looks amazing. It sounds dumb but I swear to God, people do seem to notice me a lot more when I'm blonder. For better or worse, I'm not sure yet.
Anyway. Those are the good points.
The major bad point is that I'll probably have gained tomorrow. Which makes me sad.
I did pretty well today, but not well enough. I had a couple of pieces of warm garlic naan bread with some hummus. It doesn't sound bad but... Hummus always feel like such a dirty indulgence to me and although I love it, I ALWAYS feel guilty when I've had it. In the evening my aunts and I were watching a movie (The Ruins) and I was craving nachos with melted cheese and salsa, but had a little organic coffee ice cream instead. And a few chocolate-covered Brazil nuts.
It feels a lot worse than it sounds to write it. Maybe I'm deluded and think it's not all that much, when really it is. I guess the scales tomorrow will tell.
Although - and this is probably too much information, but whatever - I've been feeling really consipated today, and yesterday. So maybe I'm slightly lighter than the scales are showing, and when that passes I'll drop another pound or so?
Wishful thinking. I know, it's bad. But I can't help but hope.
I'm kind of looking forward to going back to work on Tuesday. The weekends are always worse for me, because my aunts are always around. At work, I can get away with not eating all day, even if I work until 6:30. And by that time, I can usually tell my aunts I ate already or have something small when I get home. But on the weekends there's almost always some level of pressure. Like, they decide it will be nice to make a Sunday Dinner (England has its traditions, like nice sit-down family meals on Sundays, which are usually a roast of some kind but not always), or having one of my favourite meals ready when I get home from work.
I appreciate the sentiment, but I wish they wouldn't.
Twelve weeks. My aunt's waiting list for her surgery is twelve weeks.
If I can make it until then without slipping up, I'll be down to the home stretch.
I can do it. WE can do it.
And I don't need surgery to stop myself.
Starve on.
Vee xox
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
My Aglets Are Falling Apart
NOTE: THIS FUCKING THING IS FUCKING ME OFF. IT JUST DELETED HALF MY GOD DAMN POST AND KEEPS DECIDING TO INVENT HTML TAGS WHERE NONE EXIST. FUCK OFF, BLOGGER!
Just a random observation. On my Black-and-Pink Vans Skatershoes, I have a tendency to tie the laces into a normal, boring bow and then, because the laces are ridiculously long, I shove the ends of the bows down the sides of the shoes under/beside the "tongue" and shove the Aglets into the top lace-hole-things to keep them out of the way. This morning when I got to work I retied my shoes and realized the aglets are starting to show mucho wear and if they keep it up I won't be able to shove them in there anymore. But at least they won't be too hard to shove into the shoes with the bows for fear of stepping on them.
Aglets, by the way, are the hard, plastic-coated tips at the end of your shoelaces.
But anyway I'm digressing.
I had the most wonderful start to the morning. And by that I do not mean the "waking up feeling like a zombie with a headache". I got my wish.
On Sunday morning when I woke up I weighed 198lbs. I purposely didn't weigh myself yesterday because after my aunt's enforced Beef Casserole, I was too scared. (On a sidenote, I need to figure out how many calories are in the casserole because it's driving me crazy. I had three canned new potatoes, a scoop or two of the casserole - which really just translates to four chunks of stewing beef with some carrots and onions and a packet sauce-gravy-stuff - and a serving of butter-roasted yams. Sigh. That was the worst part. And I fucking love yams/sweet potatoes). Anyway I doubt I lost anything between Sunday morning and yesterday morning.
Yesterday my plan was to eat nothing and I ALMOST succeeded. All day at work (and I was at work for a straight 10 hours, I might add) all I had was water, some vitamins, and a few cups of strawberry tea with Splenda. When I got home, I chatted to a friend of mine, and that's when I caved - and had a handful of cheese Doritos. Not too many so I'm going to guess maybe 100 calories worth, which in the grand scheme of thing isn't much. So I'm not chalking yesterday up to an overall failure, it could have been MUCH, much worse.
So this morning I woke up and said to myself "I want to be 195" but doubted it would happen. 3lbs in a day is a bit of a stretch even considering I had eaten nearly nothing the day before. But I stepped on the scale and - drumroll please? - 195.0lbs. I was 195 EXACTLY, and that totally set me up for a good day. Booya!
I'm going to try for more of the same today. I'm limiting myself to a maximum of 100 calories, but am going to aim for nothing. At work I've got my water, vitamins, and strawberry tea - and when I get home, if I really feel the need, I'll have a cup-a-soup or a nonfat yogurt, which will keep my total at or below 100 calories.
The best part of this is that I'm not even hungry. If I ate anything right now I know it would just be for the sake of it, and that's no reason to indulge. Eat when you're hungry, and I'm not. Which is awesome.
I'm feeling really positive again. Seeing the numbers drop so quickly really affirms that I CAN DO THIS, I'm not a failure. Yes, I slipped up in the midst of a sickening depression, but I can fix that, and I can keep going. My goal is to try to drop 4 Stone (or around 56lbs) in 5 months. So I'm only aiming for a loss of around 10lbs per month which I think is doable, providing I stick to my guns and don't let weakness consume me. I mean hell, I'm already down 3lbs today, right?
And once again, I'm really looking forward to my aunts going away. On the one hand, I get lonely and like to be around people, but on the other hand I'm actually a pretty solitary person. And it's SO much easier doing this when people aren't hovering over you and asking what you've eaten today. It makes me fantasize about having my own apartment downtown, and just being on my own and not having to deal with the bullshit of other people. I can come home and have a sliced apple with cinnamon and splenda for dinner after work and nobody can say a god damn thing.
The problem is, I really can't afford to live on my own. Not at least until January, at LEAST. I make a halfway decent amount of money, but I also like to spend it. I'm going to Canada in September and Cancun in December and, if I had to pay rent for an apartment plus bills on top, there's no way I would be able to afford that. AND to be able to spend a couple hundred a month on makeup and clothes AND still have savings. I'm accustomed to having money spare, and moving out on my own will make me essentially broke. All the time.
It's not so bad though I guess. To be perfectly honest, once my aunts have their Gastric Bypass surgeries this summer, I don't think they will have any right to tell me off for not eating anything. I've said it before and I stand by it: weight loss surgery is a self-inflicted and enforced eating disorder. It's just forcing them to eat teeny tiny amounts, which in turn makes them lose weight. How is that any different from what we do? (but, minus the will power). I can't wait for them to have the surgery, seriously.
Also, thanks to you guys who have shown interest in the ED-Foodblog! I'm really excited about it. As you've probably seen I've already put together a rather large list of less than 50kcal and 50>100kcal foods. The next order of business is to start getting recipes together. I've already got one, which my fabulously amazing friend and partner-in-crime K has sent to me... which will be added to the blog once it decides to actually appear in my email inbox. I'll be searching the internet and some cookbooks for some, but as always I'd be more than grateful if you decided to send me your favourites =] (On that note, don't worry if you don't have the exact calorie or nutritional details. There's a "recipe analyzer" on http://www.caloriecount.about.com/ that lets you work it out. So if you don't have the info, just send me the recipe and I'll figure out the calories from it =])
Mucho Love,
Vee xox
Just a random observation. On my Black-and-Pink Vans Skatershoes, I have a tendency to tie the laces into a normal, boring bow and then, because the laces are ridiculously long, I shove the ends of the bows down the sides of the shoes under/beside the "tongue" and shove the Aglets into the top lace-hole-things to keep them out of the way. This morning when I got to work I retied my shoes and realized the aglets are starting to show mucho wear and if they keep it up I won't be able to shove them in there anymore. But at least they won't be too hard to shove into the shoes with the bows for fear of stepping on them.
Aglets, by the way, are the hard, plastic-coated tips at the end of your shoelaces.
But anyway I'm digressing.
I had the most wonderful start to the morning. And by that I do not mean the "waking up feeling like a zombie with a headache". I got my wish.
On Sunday morning when I woke up I weighed 198lbs. I purposely didn't weigh myself yesterday because after my aunt's enforced Beef Casserole, I was too scared. (On a sidenote, I need to figure out how many calories are in the casserole because it's driving me crazy. I had three canned new potatoes, a scoop or two of the casserole - which really just translates to four chunks of stewing beef with some carrots and onions and a packet sauce-gravy-stuff - and a serving of butter-roasted yams. Sigh. That was the worst part. And I fucking love yams/sweet potatoes). Anyway I doubt I lost anything between Sunday morning and yesterday morning.
Yesterday my plan was to eat nothing and I ALMOST succeeded. All day at work (and I was at work for a straight 10 hours, I might add) all I had was water, some vitamins, and a few cups of strawberry tea with Splenda. When I got home, I chatted to a friend of mine, and that's when I caved - and had a handful of cheese Doritos. Not too many so I'm going to guess maybe 100 calories worth, which in the grand scheme of thing isn't much. So I'm not chalking yesterday up to an overall failure, it could have been MUCH, much worse.
So this morning I woke up and said to myself "I want to be 195" but doubted it would happen. 3lbs in a day is a bit of a stretch even considering I had eaten nearly nothing the day before. But I stepped on the scale and - drumroll please? - 195.0lbs. I was 195 EXACTLY, and that totally set me up for a good day. Booya!
I'm going to try for more of the same today. I'm limiting myself to a maximum of 100 calories, but am going to aim for nothing. At work I've got my water, vitamins, and strawberry tea - and when I get home, if I really feel the need, I'll have a cup-a-soup or a nonfat yogurt, which will keep my total at or below 100 calories.
The best part of this is that I'm not even hungry. If I ate anything right now I know it would just be for the sake of it, and that's no reason to indulge. Eat when you're hungry, and I'm not. Which is awesome.
I'm feeling really positive again. Seeing the numbers drop so quickly really affirms that I CAN DO THIS, I'm not a failure. Yes, I slipped up in the midst of a sickening depression, but I can fix that, and I can keep going. My goal is to try to drop 4 Stone (or around 56lbs) in 5 months. So I'm only aiming for a loss of around 10lbs per month which I think is doable, providing I stick to my guns and don't let weakness consume me. I mean hell, I'm already down 3lbs today, right?
And once again, I'm really looking forward to my aunts going away. On the one hand, I get lonely and like to be around people, but on the other hand I'm actually a pretty solitary person. And it's SO much easier doing this when people aren't hovering over you and asking what you've eaten today. It makes me fantasize about having my own apartment downtown, and just being on my own and not having to deal with the bullshit of other people. I can come home and have a sliced apple with cinnamon and splenda for dinner after work and nobody can say a god damn thing.
The problem is, I really can't afford to live on my own. Not at least until January, at LEAST. I make a halfway decent amount of money, but I also like to spend it. I'm going to Canada in September and Cancun in December and, if I had to pay rent for an apartment plus bills on top, there's no way I would be able to afford that. AND to be able to spend a couple hundred a month on makeup and clothes AND still have savings. I'm accustomed to having money spare, and moving out on my own will make me essentially broke. All the time.
It's not so bad though I guess. To be perfectly honest, once my aunts have their Gastric Bypass surgeries this summer, I don't think they will have any right to tell me off for not eating anything. I've said it before and I stand by it: weight loss surgery is a self-inflicted and enforced eating disorder. It's just forcing them to eat teeny tiny amounts, which in turn makes them lose weight. How is that any different from what we do? (but, minus the will power). I can't wait for them to have the surgery, seriously.
Also, thanks to you guys who have shown interest in the ED-Foodblog! I'm really excited about it. As you've probably seen I've already put together a rather large list of less than 50kcal and 50>100kcal foods. The next order of business is to start getting recipes together. I've already got one, which my fabulously amazing friend and partner-in-crime K has sent to me... which will be added to the blog once it decides to actually appear in my email inbox. I'll be searching the internet and some cookbooks for some, but as always I'd be more than grateful if you decided to send me your favourites =] (On that note, don't worry if you don't have the exact calorie or nutritional details. There's a "recipe analyzer" on http://www.caloriecount.about.com/ that lets you work it out. So if you don't have the info, just send me the recipe and I'll figure out the calories from it =])
Mucho Love,
Vee xox
Thursday, 26 February 2009
A rare good day
Yes, after days and days of feeling like an absolute bag of shit, today is a thankfully good day.
First, I went to bed last night at 9pm. Yeah. I've been so drained lately and with my insomnia rearing it's ugly head with more force than usual, I've been trying to get to bed super early. My reasoning was "the more time spent in bed, the more oppourtunity I have to get a total of a few hours' sleep over the course of the night". For the most part, this has been a total bust. But last night it seemed to work.
I also got to stay in bed an extra hour this morning whoo! Eleven hours in bed sounds like a lot, but I probably slept five or so. And I woke up with a headache, but this is still the best I have felt in a while. I immediately went to weigh myself. The bad news is, I haven't lost. The good news is, even though I probably had too much humous last night, I didn't gain either. I'm exactly the same today as I was yesterday, down to the tenth-of-a-pound. So I can't really complain.
Getting ready for work was leisurely to a degree, or at the very least, wasn't rushed. Normally I'm rushing around to be ready to walk out the door at exactly 7:30 in the morning, but since I wasn't keeping to someone else's schedule today, it wasn't so frantic.
Back in January, I bought a top online. A white and red gingham bodice type top, with a halter neck, made from a fitted, boned vintage 1950s pattern. When it came, I tried it on, and physically couldn't do it up. I had to get my aunt to yank up the zipper, and it just was not happening. We finally got it closed but it was super tight and looked horrendous.
Well, on a whim I got it out this morning and managed to get it zipped up with no problems! It's still a little tight near the bottom around the upper hip area, but it fits aside from that and looks great. I just put a thin white hoodie on over the top and zipped it up halfway to cover the very bottom bit. It looks fabulous. I'm even going braless with it on, even though I have those kind of breasts that should never, ever, go anywhere but bed and the shower without some manner of underwire (I'm naturally top-heavy, and these puppies are not the perkiest in the land, unfortunately. I've thought long and hard about a breast lift, but... I can't even afford a £450 deposit on my own apartment, there's no way I can afford cosmetic surgery).
Anyway, I feel gorgeous today. This top, because it's fitted and boned, accentuates my waist and makes it look smaller, which is awesome. I'm still huge, but I feel pretty, and not as horrendous as I usuallydo. Which is, to quote Martha Stewart, a good thing.
I've been really productive today too, considering I'm only working 6.25 hours today as opposed to the 8.5+ I usually work. Already I've compiled two full sets of complicated training notes and sent out two other pieces of work I had to do for another team. I've got another one or two sets of training notes to do, plus about four or five letters to write and send out for the other team. And even though I'm leaving in three and a half hours, I'm confident it'll get done. Whoo, this is awesome. Also, the training notes I've written are very easy to understand and awesome. The notes we usually get from the training team are usually HORRIBLE COMPLICATED and make the easiest work look like rocket science. So I wrote my own instead and I'm very damn pleased with myself.
Today is a 100 day, and my food plan is to have some stock "soup" and a pot of 10cal sugarfree jello. Mmm. I felt kind of faint and out of it this morning, which is a good thing. I love this feeling. Right now I've got a tonn of energy, though. I can't sit still. Yay, extra calorie expenditure!
Also, I tried a new green tea - with jasmine as opposed to "just" green tea on its own. And I love it. It's got a slightly different taste and seems much sweeter to me. I love it. You should try it.
First, I went to bed last night at 9pm. Yeah. I've been so drained lately and with my insomnia rearing it's ugly head with more force than usual, I've been trying to get to bed super early. My reasoning was "the more time spent in bed, the more oppourtunity I have to get a total of a few hours' sleep over the course of the night". For the most part, this has been a total bust. But last night it seemed to work.
I also got to stay in bed an extra hour this morning whoo! Eleven hours in bed sounds like a lot, but I probably slept five or so. And I woke up with a headache, but this is still the best I have felt in a while. I immediately went to weigh myself. The bad news is, I haven't lost. The good news is, even though I probably had too much humous last night, I didn't gain either. I'm exactly the same today as I was yesterday, down to the tenth-of-a-pound. So I can't really complain.
Getting ready for work was leisurely to a degree, or at the very least, wasn't rushed. Normally I'm rushing around to be ready to walk out the door at exactly 7:30 in the morning, but since I wasn't keeping to someone else's schedule today, it wasn't so frantic.
Back in January, I bought a top online. A white and red gingham bodice type top, with a halter neck, made from a fitted, boned vintage 1950s pattern. When it came, I tried it on, and physically couldn't do it up. I had to get my aunt to yank up the zipper, and it just was not happening. We finally got it closed but it was super tight and looked horrendous.
Well, on a whim I got it out this morning and managed to get it zipped up with no problems! It's still a little tight near the bottom around the upper hip area, but it fits aside from that and looks great. I just put a thin white hoodie on over the top and zipped it up halfway to cover the very bottom bit. It looks fabulous. I'm even going braless with it on, even though I have those kind of breasts that should never, ever, go anywhere but bed and the shower without some manner of underwire (I'm naturally top-heavy, and these puppies are not the perkiest in the land, unfortunately. I've thought long and hard about a breast lift, but... I can't even afford a £450 deposit on my own apartment, there's no way I can afford cosmetic surgery).
Anyway, I feel gorgeous today. This top, because it's fitted and boned, accentuates my waist and makes it look smaller, which is awesome. I'm still huge, but I feel pretty, and not as horrendous as I usuallydo. Which is, to quote Martha Stewart, a good thing.
I've been really productive today too, considering I'm only working 6.25 hours today as opposed to the 8.5+ I usually work. Already I've compiled two full sets of complicated training notes and sent out two other pieces of work I had to do for another team. I've got another one or two sets of training notes to do, plus about four or five letters to write and send out for the other team. And even though I'm leaving in three and a half hours, I'm confident it'll get done. Whoo, this is awesome. Also, the training notes I've written are very easy to understand and awesome. The notes we usually get from the training team are usually HORRIBLE COMPLICATED and make the easiest work look like rocket science. So I wrote my own instead and I'm very damn pleased with myself.
Today is a 100 day, and my food plan is to have some stock "soup" and a pot of 10cal sugarfree jello. Mmm. I felt kind of faint and out of it this morning, which is a good thing. I love this feeling. Right now I've got a tonn of energy, though. I can't sit still. Yay, extra calorie expenditure!
Also, I tried a new green tea - with jasmine as opposed to "just" green tea on its own. And I love it. It's got a slightly different taste and seems much sweeter to me. I love it. You should try it.
Friday, 20 February 2009
A Pleasant Surprise, and an Unpleasant One
I lost track of what day I was on, and I'm too lazy to count, and it seemed like too much effort to go back to see what the number was on my last blog entry. I'm tempted to say today should be 037, but I'm not entirely sure. Yes, that is just how apathetic I am feeling right now.
That's not to say it's a negative feeling, I'm just very indifferent right now.
Yesterday I was starving and I cheated, and then told myself it doesn't count as cheating because I'm not doing ABC anymore. Which is all well and good in theory, but my ABC day yesterday would have been 350 calories. On the new plan, Thursdays are 100 calorie days. So no matter how I look at it, I cheated. And I lost just under half a pound so I'm okay with that. I went over by eating two handfulls of chocolate covered raisins, and a bag of Special K Mini Breaks. I woke up and weighed myself and the number was 188.0lbs. However, I forgot that I was 188.4 yesterday, so I thought I was only down 0.2lbs, but when I got to work and went to log it in my food-diary and my normal diary, I was pleasantly surprised to learn I had lost 0.4lbs instead. Yay!
Last night I spent an hour and a half trying to curl my hair using my flatiron. If you knew what my hair was like, you would laugh right now. Ok go ahead, I'll wait. To put this in perspective, my hair is mid-back-length, but also very THICK. And in its natural state it is so frizzy that I would not be insulted if someone described it as "tumbleweed-esque". It takes me anywhere over 45 minutes to dry and straighten my hair. To add insult to injury, after drying (but not straightening thank god) last night, I decided to try to curl it.
WHY I decided to do this, I have no frigging clue. Clearly, I am deranged. I didn't use any hair product, so it was kind of frizzy, but the end result looked pretty good, if I say so myself. I was getting really frustrated though because certain sections refused to curl and it took forever to make them OBEY GOD DAMN IT.
Then I realized... wait. Now, I have to go to bed. And when I wake up, I am going to just look like a fuzzy headed freakmonster. Shit. I doused it in hairspray... which wasn't really "hairspray" it was GHD's Creation Spray which is supposed to be used WITH the flatiron, to keep the style, not AFTER the flatiron, after you realize you're a retard who really needs to invest as much money in hair products as she does in makeup and shoes and skincare.
I had a nightmare that woke me up last night and had be convinced there was something watching me from the shadows in my room. But that's not out of the ordinary, since I'm the biggest wuss in the world, AND I'm afraid of the dark. Eventually I fell back to sleep, though I woke up lots and kept changing position. When I woke up, the hair was... kind of a messy wave. But thankfully, not much frizz, hoorah! I put a little hair slide in one side to hide where the curl had just gone insane and was trying to blind me with the pokey ends of my hair. Voila, nice look.
I'm also wearing less makeup today than usual, and I'm actually feeling pretty good ("less makeup" is kind of subjective. I still have Hanskin BB Cream concealer and tinted-moisturizer-foundation on, plus a little blush, gloss, liquid liner on top, and mascara. But usually I also wear 2-4 shades of eyeshadow plus eye kohl for good measure. But I digress). My jeans and work trousers are feeling a little looser. The top I wore yesterday, I haven't worn since just before I started this journey, 13.4lbs ago. Then, it looked horrible, it was tight. But I wore it yesterday and it actually fit and didn't look or feel like I'd forced myself into it. My waist is trying to make an appearance in the show. These are good things. So, I'm feeling positive.
I'm so rambley today. Back on topic prease!
At work, there is a huge move-around going on. Basically a bunch of extra managers and second-in-command type people have been tossed, and the powers that be are reorganizing all the remaining staff into new teams, so that skills are distributed into the areas of a persons expertise. The team I'm in now... I like it, I like the people, and it's the easiest shit you ever did hear about. But since October, I've been working six and a half hours of my working day for another team, doing their work. I figured all along that I would be moved from "my" team into this other team. Which, predictably, I found out today. So I guess I can't say it's an unpleasant SURPRISE per se, but it wasn't a happy moment. My manager asked me how I felt about it, and I just told her I saw it coming so I was prepared for the news anyway.
Today's been very up and down. I started off feeling exhausted, and then perked up for most of the day. Right now though, my sinuses are starting to hurt and my neck feels stiff from staring at the computer since eight thirty this morning. I'm leaving in 22 minutes, and I really can't wait. Freedom! This place does something to you. All day yesterday, I felt horrible. I felt like I was getting a ridiculously bad flu. My entire throat and neck felt swollen to the extent that it felt like I'd swallowed an (American) football and it had lodged itself sideways in my throat. I had an earache so bad the entire right side of my face hurt and I couldn't find a position that my jaw could be held in to not aggravate the pain further. My head was pounding, my sinuses were feeling both dry and painful. I had a headache. I felt really nauesous at one point.
I know some people who don't "get it" will jump on the "It's because you're restricting you dumb bitch, this is your body paying you back HAH!" bandwagon, but unfortunately, you stupid whorebags, that's not the case. So hah right back at you!
See, as SOON as I stepped outside, all of this went away. I walked to the bus stop with my friend, waited, got on the bus, then walked home from my stop, and I felt absolutely fine! I think maybe it has something to do with the quality of the recycled air in the building or something. Or it might be a psychological subconscious reaction to the fact that I HATE this place with a passion and would really love to raze it to the ground while dancing naked around the fire and chanting curses upon the directors of the company.
If any blog statement will ever get me fired if my boss finds it, it'll be that one.
So anyway. I think a similar thing is happening today. I don't feel as horrible, just a little headache and neck ache really, and I'm pretty sure that once I step outside into the fresh air, I'll feel fine.
I'm making my famous pasta dish tonight. I say famous, but I'm the only one who has ever had it before, and even then was only once and I fucked up and put way too much olive oil in the sauce, but shut up and let my delusions of grandeur live on for another five minutes ok?
Ok.
I'm over it now.
I can't for the life of me remember what I wrote when I blogged last night about The New Weekly Calorie Plan, so this might be reiterating something you've already read, and if it is I apologise. But my aunts have now both officially had letters of acceptance for Gastric Bypass surgery. They're both going (along with their best friend who was referred a month earlier) to the same information session at the beginning of March. Basically it's a group consult with a doctor who will explain the procedure and give information on what to do beforehand (like apparently they have to go on an all-yogurt diet for two weeks before the date of the surgery) and required aftercare, and answer any questions. That kind of thing. Actual surgery dates will be scheduled after this session. So, the pasta evening has become one of celebration. For them because they're getting the life-altering surgery that is, in effect, just forcing them to follow the path I'm on right now. For me, it's a celebration because soon there won't be so much SHIT in the house. No food to tempt me. No more making big group meals that I have to partake in because they spent SO MUCH TIME cooking it. Yay!
Also, I honestly don't think they would have any right to say anything about my eating habits, if they're just forcing it upon themselves with surgery. They may not be disordered in the way that I am, but essentially gastric bypass surgery is enforced self-starvation to lose weight, in my mind anyway. They lack the willpower to do it on their own, so they're getting a doctor to go in and make their stomach so small that they physically will not be able to eat a normal amount of food ever again. As I said before: I will succeed where they have failed. If they had the will power in the first place, they wouldn't be doing this to themselves.
I mention this because on Wednesday night, my aunt turned to me and asked me what I ate for dinner, obviously because she noticed I didn't have anything when I came home. Like, what business is it of yours? You're stuffing yourself constantly, I don't tell her "hey you shouldn't eat that because if you didn't eat it, you would lose weight anyway and you wouldn't have to go through barbaric surgery." And she's forcing starvation upon herself, so she has no RIGHT to say ANYthing about what I do or do not eat. Anyway, I lied and told her I had subway for dinner. Which was a half-lie, I guess, since I did have a 350-calorie sub for lunch.
But again, I'm digressing. It's almost 4 now so I'm going to get ready to go home and get some basil for my pasta. I'll probably post more later, and I promise to try to make it slightly less rantey.
Love you, ladies.
Vee xxxx
That's not to say it's a negative feeling, I'm just very indifferent right now.
Yesterday I was starving and I cheated, and then told myself it doesn't count as cheating because I'm not doing ABC anymore. Which is all well and good in theory, but my ABC day yesterday would have been 350 calories. On the new plan, Thursdays are 100 calorie days. So no matter how I look at it, I cheated. And I lost just under half a pound so I'm okay with that. I went over by eating two handfulls of chocolate covered raisins, and a bag of Special K Mini Breaks. I woke up and weighed myself and the number was 188.0lbs. However, I forgot that I was 188.4 yesterday, so I thought I was only down 0.2lbs, but when I got to work and went to log it in my food-diary and my normal diary, I was pleasantly surprised to learn I had lost 0.4lbs instead. Yay!
Last night I spent an hour and a half trying to curl my hair using my flatiron. If you knew what my hair was like, you would laugh right now. Ok go ahead, I'll wait. To put this in perspective, my hair is mid-back-length, but also very THICK. And in its natural state it is so frizzy that I would not be insulted if someone described it as "tumbleweed-esque". It takes me anywhere over 45 minutes to dry and straighten my hair. To add insult to injury, after drying (but not straightening thank god) last night, I decided to try to curl it.
WHY I decided to do this, I have no frigging clue. Clearly, I am deranged. I didn't use any hair product, so it was kind of frizzy, but the end result looked pretty good, if I say so myself. I was getting really frustrated though because certain sections refused to curl and it took forever to make them OBEY GOD DAMN IT.
Then I realized... wait. Now, I have to go to bed. And when I wake up, I am going to just look like a fuzzy headed freakmonster. Shit. I doused it in hairspray... which wasn't really "hairspray" it was GHD's Creation Spray which is supposed to be used WITH the flatiron, to keep the style, not AFTER the flatiron, after you realize you're a retard who really needs to invest as much money in hair products as she does in makeup and shoes and skincare.
I had a nightmare that woke me up last night and had be convinced there was something watching me from the shadows in my room. But that's not out of the ordinary, since I'm the biggest wuss in the world, AND I'm afraid of the dark. Eventually I fell back to sleep, though I woke up lots and kept changing position. When I woke up, the hair was... kind of a messy wave. But thankfully, not much frizz, hoorah! I put a little hair slide in one side to hide where the curl had just gone insane and was trying to blind me with the pokey ends of my hair. Voila, nice look.
I'm also wearing less makeup today than usual, and I'm actually feeling pretty good ("less makeup" is kind of subjective. I still have Hanskin BB Cream concealer and tinted-moisturizer-foundation on, plus a little blush, gloss, liquid liner on top, and mascara. But usually I also wear 2-4 shades of eyeshadow plus eye kohl for good measure. But I digress). My jeans and work trousers are feeling a little looser. The top I wore yesterday, I haven't worn since just before I started this journey, 13.4lbs ago. Then, it looked horrible, it was tight. But I wore it yesterday and it actually fit and didn't look or feel like I'd forced myself into it. My waist is trying to make an appearance in the show. These are good things. So, I'm feeling positive.
I'm so rambley today. Back on topic prease!
At work, there is a huge move-around going on. Basically a bunch of extra managers and second-in-command type people have been tossed, and the powers that be are reorganizing all the remaining staff into new teams, so that skills are distributed into the areas of a persons expertise. The team I'm in now... I like it, I like the people, and it's the easiest shit you ever did hear about. But since October, I've been working six and a half hours of my working day for another team, doing their work. I figured all along that I would be moved from "my" team into this other team. Which, predictably, I found out today. So I guess I can't say it's an unpleasant SURPRISE per se, but it wasn't a happy moment. My manager asked me how I felt about it, and I just told her I saw it coming so I was prepared for the news anyway.
Today's been very up and down. I started off feeling exhausted, and then perked up for most of the day. Right now though, my sinuses are starting to hurt and my neck feels stiff from staring at the computer since eight thirty this morning. I'm leaving in 22 minutes, and I really can't wait. Freedom! This place does something to you. All day yesterday, I felt horrible. I felt like I was getting a ridiculously bad flu. My entire throat and neck felt swollen to the extent that it felt like I'd swallowed an (American) football and it had lodged itself sideways in my throat. I had an earache so bad the entire right side of my face hurt and I couldn't find a position that my jaw could be held in to not aggravate the pain further. My head was pounding, my sinuses were feeling both dry and painful. I had a headache. I felt really nauesous at one point.
I know some people who don't "get it" will jump on the "It's because you're restricting you dumb bitch, this is your body paying you back HAH!" bandwagon, but unfortunately, you stupid whorebags, that's not the case. So hah right back at you!
See, as SOON as I stepped outside, all of this went away. I walked to the bus stop with my friend, waited, got on the bus, then walked home from my stop, and I felt absolutely fine! I think maybe it has something to do with the quality of the recycled air in the building or something. Or it might be a psychological subconscious reaction to the fact that I HATE this place with a passion and would really love to raze it to the ground while dancing naked around the fire and chanting curses upon the directors of the company.
If any blog statement will ever get me fired if my boss finds it, it'll be that one.
So anyway. I think a similar thing is happening today. I don't feel as horrible, just a little headache and neck ache really, and I'm pretty sure that once I step outside into the fresh air, I'll feel fine.
I'm making my famous pasta dish tonight. I say famous, but I'm the only one who has ever had it before, and even then was only once and I fucked up and put way too much olive oil in the sauce, but shut up and let my delusions of grandeur live on for another five minutes ok?
Ok.
I'm over it now.
I can't for the life of me remember what I wrote when I blogged last night about The New Weekly Calorie Plan, so this might be reiterating something you've already read, and if it is I apologise. But my aunts have now both officially had letters of acceptance for Gastric Bypass surgery. They're both going (along with their best friend who was referred a month earlier) to the same information session at the beginning of March. Basically it's a group consult with a doctor who will explain the procedure and give information on what to do beforehand (like apparently they have to go on an all-yogurt diet for two weeks before the date of the surgery) and required aftercare, and answer any questions. That kind of thing. Actual surgery dates will be scheduled after this session. So, the pasta evening has become one of celebration. For them because they're getting the life-altering surgery that is, in effect, just forcing them to follow the path I'm on right now. For me, it's a celebration because soon there won't be so much SHIT in the house. No food to tempt me. No more making big group meals that I have to partake in because they spent SO MUCH TIME cooking it. Yay!
Also, I honestly don't think they would have any right to say anything about my eating habits, if they're just forcing it upon themselves with surgery. They may not be disordered in the way that I am, but essentially gastric bypass surgery is enforced self-starvation to lose weight, in my mind anyway. They lack the willpower to do it on their own, so they're getting a doctor to go in and make their stomach so small that they physically will not be able to eat a normal amount of food ever again. As I said before: I will succeed where they have failed. If they had the will power in the first place, they wouldn't be doing this to themselves.
I mention this because on Wednesday night, my aunt turned to me and asked me what I ate for dinner, obviously because she noticed I didn't have anything when I came home. Like, what business is it of yours? You're stuffing yourself constantly, I don't tell her "hey you shouldn't eat that because if you didn't eat it, you would lose weight anyway and you wouldn't have to go through barbaric surgery." And she's forcing starvation upon herself, so she has no RIGHT to say ANYthing about what I do or do not eat. Anyway, I lied and told her I had subway for dinner. Which was a half-lie, I guess, since I did have a 350-calorie sub for lunch.
But again, I'm digressing. It's almost 4 now so I'm going to get ready to go home and get some basil for my pasta. I'll probably post more later, and I promise to try to make it slightly less rantey.
Love you, ladies.
Vee xxxx
Wednesday, 18 February 2009
(036) - Goal One Achieved
So… my plan was to be down to 190lbs this morning, at a best. I figured I’d be down at least to 191, but was hoping and hoping for 190lbs. I wanted to hit that first goal again as soon as possible.
And ladies, I have succeeded in breaking it. I am in SUCH a good mood today it is ridiculous. I live for those ecstatic moments when you step on a scale and those lower-than-yesterday numbers pop up. It doesn’t matter what the rest of the day brings. As long as those numbers are lower, I can basically call it a “good day”. It sets up my mood for the rest of the day. If those numbers are higher, I will undoubtedly be mopey and depressed. If they’re lower, I’ll likely still be mopey and depressed, but maybe a little less so, and at least I’ll have that half-minute of supreme happiness to start the day with.
My scales this morning said 188.6lbs. I dropped 2.8lbs in 24 hours. I am unbelievably happy right now!
I’m psyched up to go to the gym again, even though my body is exhausted, I’ve got a headache, and my throat feels swollen. I plan to drink a load of water, so if it’s dehydration (I didn’t drink near as much as I should have yesterday), it should help. Although one of the guys I work with, has been working with someone who has Mumps, so there’s a chance he’s brought it in and given it to us all – at least two of us have the same symptoms right now. Swollen, sore throat, physically exhausted, couldn’t sleep last night because we felt SO HOT and kept tossing and turning. And that’s not like me. I am ALWAYS cold.
But I digress. 188.6! If I can lose a pound a day, I can reach my goal weight of 130… by the end of April. How amazing is that? I know it’s not likely that I will lose a pound a day, it’ll be up and down, but I can hope that it averages out. We’ll see I guess!
Anyway, I need to get some work done and try to stay awake, which is definitely going to be a challenge today. It’s a 400 day on ABC and I’m torn between restricting hard like I did yesterday, and giving myself some real food. I’ll have my broth for lunch, and see how I feel when I get home. If I’m super ravenous, I’ll have a 250 calorie frozen meal, which will still put me more than 100 calories under today.
Burn goal at the gym is at least 300, which is what I burned yesterday. I can probably do more if I stick to the treadmill for a full hour, which in itself should burn approximately 400+. Unfortunately, I can’t run. Sigh. My physical fitness level right now is such that I can jog-run on a treadmill for 3 minutes maximum before I need to slow down to a walking speed again, or risk passing out.
That’s another goal of mine. Increase my fitness level so that I can run at least 15 minutes at a stretch without having to pause. I’ll get there eventually, but I need to build up from speed-walking to jogging to running.
Right, gotta head off for now, more later tonight. Have a great day, ladies, and I hope you’re all feeling as amazing as I am right now =]
Stay beautiful, my darlings.
Love you all,
Vee xoxox
PS: If I do wind up sick again, I'm going to keep restricting this time. The roller coaster last time around was way too much and I refuse to fuck up and ever be over 190 again, now that I'm finally firmly in the 180s.
And ladies, I have succeeded in breaking it. I am in SUCH a good mood today it is ridiculous. I live for those ecstatic moments when you step on a scale and those lower-than-yesterday numbers pop up. It doesn’t matter what the rest of the day brings. As long as those numbers are lower, I can basically call it a “good day”. It sets up my mood for the rest of the day. If those numbers are higher, I will undoubtedly be mopey and depressed. If they’re lower, I’ll likely still be mopey and depressed, but maybe a little less so, and at least I’ll have that half-minute of supreme happiness to start the day with.
My scales this morning said 188.6lbs. I dropped 2.8lbs in 24 hours. I am unbelievably happy right now!
I’m psyched up to go to the gym again, even though my body is exhausted, I’ve got a headache, and my throat feels swollen. I plan to drink a load of water, so if it’s dehydration (I didn’t drink near as much as I should have yesterday), it should help. Although one of the guys I work with, has been working with someone who has Mumps, so there’s a chance he’s brought it in and given it to us all – at least two of us have the same symptoms right now. Swollen, sore throat, physically exhausted, couldn’t sleep last night because we felt SO HOT and kept tossing and turning. And that’s not like me. I am ALWAYS cold.
But I digress. 188.6! If I can lose a pound a day, I can reach my goal weight of 130… by the end of April. How amazing is that? I know it’s not likely that I will lose a pound a day, it’ll be up and down, but I can hope that it averages out. We’ll see I guess!
Anyway, I need to get some work done and try to stay awake, which is definitely going to be a challenge today. It’s a 400 day on ABC and I’m torn between restricting hard like I did yesterday, and giving myself some real food. I’ll have my broth for lunch, and see how I feel when I get home. If I’m super ravenous, I’ll have a 250 calorie frozen meal, which will still put me more than 100 calories under today.
Burn goal at the gym is at least 300, which is what I burned yesterday. I can probably do more if I stick to the treadmill for a full hour, which in itself should burn approximately 400+. Unfortunately, I can’t run. Sigh. My physical fitness level right now is such that I can jog-run on a treadmill for 3 minutes maximum before I need to slow down to a walking speed again, or risk passing out.
That’s another goal of mine. Increase my fitness level so that I can run at least 15 minutes at a stretch without having to pause. I’ll get there eventually, but I need to build up from speed-walking to jogging to running.
Right, gotta head off for now, more later tonight. Have a great day, ladies, and I hope you’re all feeling as amazing as I am right now =]
Stay beautiful, my darlings.
Love you all,
Vee xoxox
PS: If I do wind up sick again, I'm going to keep restricting this time. The roller coaster last time around was way too much and I refuse to fuck up and ever be over 190 again, now that I'm finally firmly in the 180s.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
(035) - Updateage
I need to start updating this thing again. Lately all my posts have been on an ABC community on LJ, and in my Livejournal blog. I do need to make an effort to keep this one updated too, though… after all, it was created before I joined Livejournal =/
Anyway. Quickish update.
I gained over the weekend due to Valentine’s Day Pasta. I didn’t think the pasta would be all that bad, since most of the calories would be in the pasta and I didn’t have a great deal of it. But I sat and calculated everything out, and the pasta dish was over 800 calories. Jesus. Effing. Christ.
Then I somehow managed to gain on Sunday too. So it was a shit bad weekend.
BUT. Yesterday I got by on 99 calories (150 day on ABC, but I wanted to keep as low as possible. I only had two cups of broth (meaning two stock cubes with hot water)) and a few slices of wafer thin chicken). I also went to bed at like 7:30 because I was insanely exhausted yesterday. I’m still a bit tired today, probably from OVER sleeping, but I feel better than I have in a long time right now.
Today’s plan: (it's a 200 day on ABC)
Work.
Only had 1 cup of broth (17 calories) (just finished this)
Drink lots of water and green tea
After work:
Go to the gym from 4:30 until 6 or just after.
Pray that I don’t miss the last bus home just after 6.
Have a hot bath and relax!
Another cup of broth (19 calories).
POSSIBLY have some wafer-thin-chicken-slices-wrapped-in-a-lettuce-leaf (for four of these puppies it’s 44 calories). Depends on how I feel when I get home. Hoping to not have it but if I’m starving and dying after the gym, I’ve got it in the daily budget.
Watch a movie on my pc, and burn a copy of The Tale Of Two Sisters for a girl at work to borrow.
Get my gym stuff ready for tomorrow.
Take measurements and record them in my diary. (I’ve lost 10lbs SURELY I must have lost even part of an inch right? Sigh, I hope so)
Go to bed early.
That is the plan anyway.
Hopefully I’ll manage to lose the other 2lbs that I’d gained over the weekend (Down 2 today from yesterday so halfway there) and then I can get started on some “fresh” weight loss. And the bonus: I’ll be back in the 180s!
Which is still ridiculously high but after yo-yoing in the 190s and even spending a brief while in the low 200s, the 180s are a breath of fresh air and SO SUPER MOTIVATING to lose the rest of it!
As of this morning I’m 191.4, so I think it’s plausible to be down to 189 by tomorrow. More likely the day after tomorrow, but a girl can dream, right?
Right, that’s my update for now, I’ll try to be more regular about updating this puppy =]
Stay beautiful, ladies!
Vee xxx
Anyway. Quickish update.
I gained over the weekend due to Valentine’s Day Pasta. I didn’t think the pasta would be all that bad, since most of the calories would be in the pasta and I didn’t have a great deal of it. But I sat and calculated everything out, and the pasta dish was over 800 calories. Jesus. Effing. Christ.
Then I somehow managed to gain on Sunday too. So it was a shit bad weekend.
BUT. Yesterday I got by on 99 calories (150 day on ABC, but I wanted to keep as low as possible. I only had two cups of broth (meaning two stock cubes with hot water)) and a few slices of wafer thin chicken). I also went to bed at like 7:30 because I was insanely exhausted yesterday. I’m still a bit tired today, probably from OVER sleeping, but I feel better than I have in a long time right now.
Today’s plan: (it's a 200 day on ABC)
Work.
Only had 1 cup of broth (17 calories) (just finished this)
Drink lots of water and green tea
After work:
Go to the gym from 4:30 until 6 or just after.
Pray that I don’t miss the last bus home just after 6.
Have a hot bath and relax!
Another cup of broth (19 calories).
POSSIBLY have some wafer-thin-chicken-slices-wrapped-in-a-lettuce-leaf (for four of these puppies it’s 44 calories). Depends on how I feel when I get home. Hoping to not have it but if I’m starving and dying after the gym, I’ve got it in the daily budget.
Watch a movie on my pc, and burn a copy of The Tale Of Two Sisters for a girl at work to borrow.
Get my gym stuff ready for tomorrow.
Take measurements and record them in my diary. (I’ve lost 10lbs SURELY I must have lost even part of an inch right? Sigh, I hope so)
Go to bed early.
That is the plan anyway.
Hopefully I’ll manage to lose the other 2lbs that I’d gained over the weekend (Down 2 today from yesterday so halfway there) and then I can get started on some “fresh” weight loss. And the bonus: I’ll be back in the 180s!
Which is still ridiculously high but after yo-yoing in the 190s and even spending a brief while in the low 200s, the 180s are a breath of fresh air and SO SUPER MOTIVATING to lose the rest of it!
As of this morning I’m 191.4, so I think it’s plausible to be down to 189 by tomorrow. More likely the day after tomorrow, but a girl can dream, right?
Right, that’s my update for now, I’ll try to be more regular about updating this puppy =]
Stay beautiful, ladies!
Vee xxx
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
014: Back on the Bandwagon
It’s been a bad few days.
The past week or so, I’ve had a fairly bad flu, I haven’t felt this horrible in quite a long time. I haven’t been to work since last Wednesday, and still don’t feel up to par today. But, today I had to go back to work because to stay off any longer I would need a sick note from my doctor, and I can’t get into my doctor. Even to get antibiotics for my sinus infection, so I'm dosing up on decongestants to see if that will clear them out. Ugh.
I made the (probably stupid) decision to come off ABC for a few days to try to get past this. I’ve still been restricting and staying well under 700 calories a day, but I figured I needed to get some more nutrients than I have been. On the weekend I also went and bought some multivitamins, and some more calcium supplements, as I know I’ll need them to proceed with ABC and restricting – I already have a low immune system and I don’t want to wind up making myself sick again because I’m not getting vitamins and crap.
Anyway, I don’t know why I bothered. I woke up Wednesday morning at around 194lbs. After being horrifically sick on Wednesday, Thursday morning I woke up feeling exhausted and wonderfully weak and down to 191.5lbs, give or take a tenth or so. Then I managed to gain back a pound and a half over the weekend. At first I couldn’t understand why I had gained a little, when I’ve been eating under 700 calories a day. But then, on the other hand, I’ve been doing nothing but laying in bed feeling miserable for the past several days, so it’s probably the utter lack of activity that did it.
As of today I’m jumping back into ABC on Day 6 (a 200 day). I still feel like an absolute ball of shit, but if I’m not getting any better I don’t see the point in pulling away from ABC at all. I was going to restart the whole thing but I don’t want to have the 500 days right now. So the 200 day today is perfect. I have no food at all at work to eat, so I’ll be having nothing but green tea and water until I get home. And then I might have either part of a 300 calorie frozen meal, or a 200 calorie slimfast, and go to bed early.
Being so sick over the weekend, and my aunts being busy decorating, I didn’t get a chance to move the treadmill into my bedroom, so hopefully this coming weekend we’ll be able to. Either way, once I’m not sick, I’m going to start hitting the gym again, and to do some working out in my bedroom every night. I LOVE the burning feeling that those leg-lift crunches give me <3
In other news, my aunts are on the anti-diet right now. One got a referral for gastric bypass surgery yesterday and should get an appointment to meet with a surgeon in the main in the next month or so. My aunt figured out she needs to gain 16lbs to reach the target BMI of 50 to qualify. So all weekend they’ve been eating total crap, my aunt is eating WELL over 3,000 calories a day (After work last night she had at least 3,000 in a single sitting), trying to put on the weight by this Friday. Watching them devour total junk all the time makes me feel sick. And only strengthens my resolve.
I’m determined to lose my own weight before they do, and without any damned surgery to do it.
I have the willpower that they lack.
I miss that wonderful weak and shaky feeling. I’m hoping that now that I’m back on ABC I can get it back.
Keep chasing the dream!
Also, thanks for your comments and support. I truly appreciate it =]
Vee xx
The past week or so, I’ve had a fairly bad flu, I haven’t felt this horrible in quite a long time. I haven’t been to work since last Wednesday, and still don’t feel up to par today. But, today I had to go back to work because to stay off any longer I would need a sick note from my doctor, and I can’t get into my doctor. Even to get antibiotics for my sinus infection, so I'm dosing up on decongestants to see if that will clear them out. Ugh.
I made the (probably stupid) decision to come off ABC for a few days to try to get past this. I’ve still been restricting and staying well under 700 calories a day, but I figured I needed to get some more nutrients than I have been. On the weekend I also went and bought some multivitamins, and some more calcium supplements, as I know I’ll need them to proceed with ABC and restricting – I already have a low immune system and I don’t want to wind up making myself sick again because I’m not getting vitamins and crap.
Anyway, I don’t know why I bothered. I woke up Wednesday morning at around 194lbs. After being horrifically sick on Wednesday, Thursday morning I woke up feeling exhausted and wonderfully weak and down to 191.5lbs, give or take a tenth or so. Then I managed to gain back a pound and a half over the weekend. At first I couldn’t understand why I had gained a little, when I’ve been eating under 700 calories a day. But then, on the other hand, I’ve been doing nothing but laying in bed feeling miserable for the past several days, so it’s probably the utter lack of activity that did it.
As of today I’m jumping back into ABC on Day 6 (a 200 day). I still feel like an absolute ball of shit, but if I’m not getting any better I don’t see the point in pulling away from ABC at all. I was going to restart the whole thing but I don’t want to have the 500 days right now. So the 200 day today is perfect. I have no food at all at work to eat, so I’ll be having nothing but green tea and water until I get home. And then I might have either part of a 300 calorie frozen meal, or a 200 calorie slimfast, and go to bed early.
Being so sick over the weekend, and my aunts being busy decorating, I didn’t get a chance to move the treadmill into my bedroom, so hopefully this coming weekend we’ll be able to. Either way, once I’m not sick, I’m going to start hitting the gym again, and to do some working out in my bedroom every night. I LOVE the burning feeling that those leg-lift crunches give me <3
In other news, my aunts are on the anti-diet right now. One got a referral for gastric bypass surgery yesterday and should get an appointment to meet with a surgeon in the main in the next month or so. My aunt figured out she needs to gain 16lbs to reach the target BMI of 50 to qualify. So all weekend they’ve been eating total crap, my aunt is eating WELL over 3,000 calories a day (After work last night she had at least 3,000 in a single sitting), trying to put on the weight by this Friday. Watching them devour total junk all the time makes me feel sick. And only strengthens my resolve.
I’m determined to lose my own weight before they do, and without any damned surgery to do it.
I have the willpower that they lack.
I miss that wonderful weak and shaky feeling. I’m hoping that now that I’m back on ABC I can get it back.
Keep chasing the dream!
Also, thanks for your comments and support. I truly appreciate it =]
Vee xx
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