Sigh. New favourite song, and I must share it with you all.
I went to see Lady Gaga on Friday night, and her opening act Semi Precious Weapons were amazing and hilarious and the lead singer is sexy as hell in all his made-up glory. He was also insane thinspo because holy shit the legs on that man went on forever and I'm sure he didn't have an ounce of fat on his body.
Click here to see the video for their self-titled song
I can't stop singing it.
The only problem is that it's not really true for me. I *can* pay my rent, but I'm not fucking gorgeous.
One day.
So anyway, as of yesterday I was down a total of 4.2lbs. Yeah that 4lb loss in a day stretched into like three, and then my friend's barbeque was on Saturday and her boyfriend kept making me sample things. Still, I didn't eat a huge amount and maintained Friday's loss through to yesterday. Which was probably aided by the fact that I had a monster headache all day Saturday (and was running on very little sleep) and wound up heading home after 3 hours, which in turn cut down my alcohol caloric consumption to just one drink (pineapple juice, malibu and peach schnapps - which was amazing and summery by the way).
I didn't have time to weigh in today (rather than leaving at 7:30 as per the norm during the week, I had to get up early to leave just after 6:30, after another sleepless night and therefore dragging myself around like a zombie and almost making myself late over stupid shit like not being able to find the hair elastic I used last night so that I could brush my teeth and wash my face this morning etc) so I have no idea where I stand right now.
Regardless, I have a yogurt in my bag and that is all I'm having until I get home. Whoo!
Also, I went shopping yesterday. I seriously have a problem. Here I am, telling myself that I can't afford to buy new clothes yet, I have to wait until I get paid or possibly until I'm in Canada when I will have money TO spend on whatever I want. Then I went to the mall for the weekend's Starbucks (200 calories worth of skinny mocha frapp), needed to go to Paperchase to buy one thing (a mug to keep at work for my green teas and coffee) and wound up spending about £200. £43 and change in Paperchase. £105 in Claire's on tacky jewellery that I thought was too adorable to pass up, and some nail art decal stickers. Another £48 at Clinique on makeup remover and a night cream. And then £12 on a Harley Davidson mug for my aunt as a present since she wanted it.
So, I could have bought a couple new outfits, rather than fifty pairs of earrings and a calculator with Noodle Bear on it. Although, the earrings are fucking adorable, as are the Noodle Bear stuff I got at Paperchase. The only problem is that I'm deluding myself and making plans that aren't going to happen.
See, I bought this adorable Noodle Bear (srsly, google it, adorable) case with a little fork and spoon in it, again for work. And a set of four plastic lidded nestable bowl things. That I fully intended to start bringing lunch into work in, Japanese style, because predictably I am obsessed with Japanese culture.
But even as I trawled the internet for low-calorie low-fat "Bento" recipes (Bento is the Japanese lunchbox, usually made up of 1/2 carbs, 1/4 veggies and 1/4 meat or protein and the average sized 500ml box made up this way is usually *around* 500 calories) I realized that this isn't realistic. Unless I'm going to fill a bowl with negative calorie fruits and veggies and a tiny pot of fat-free vinaigrette to dip it in, this just isn't something I can really do. Even if I were go out and buy the ingredients and spend the time needed at night to cook and in the morning to assemble everything, I wouldn't really be able to eat it. The only way it would be half way acceptible is if I made it the only meal of the day, but I doubt I could get away with having a "decent" lunch and nothing at home - I would inevitably be forced to make something else to eat in the evening.
So, I don't know. I just don't know.
If only I were one of those people with amazing metabolisms who doesn't gain weight at all regardless of what they eat. Sigh.
ANYWAY, how was your weekend??
Showing posts with label shopping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shopping. Show all posts
Monday, 7 June 2010
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
What the hell...?
I think my body is in its own time zone.
I'll beak it down for you. The first couple of days on ABC, I managed to gain THREE pounds. It was probably a late gain from all the Southern Comfort I had on New Year's eve, but I gained and it was depressing just the same, and demotivating, and I didn't want to mention it here because gaining weight, even when I'm actively restricting, tastes like failure and it's embarassing. But for the sake of full disclosure and honesty - and hey, when I have to admit it and be truthful, I'm less likely to fuck up because I have to answer to you guys! - there it is. A couple days late, but whatever.
Then to make matters worse, yesterday I was at home all day with my aunt and I will admit: I binged.
And when I say I binged I don't mean I ate a couple of cookies and a sandwich. By my calculations, my total calorie intake was around 2,000. So I consumed FOUR times the amount I was allotted on ABC.
But the fucked up part? I've LOST a little over a pound. Maybe eating a "normal" amount of calories for the first time in a long time has woken up my metabolism a little? Maybe the fact that the night before last and last night, I had my first two consecutive DECENT NIGHTS' SLEEP in years helped? Fuck me, I have no idea. And I'll probably wake up tomorrow 5lbs heavier, but right now this just feels totally bizarre, and I do not understand one bit.
Today is okay so far. 200 Calorie cap for today, and I've only had some low-cal soup with a couple crackers and a load of Pepsi Max. I'm not hungry in the slightest so will probably skip dinner, have a shower shortly, and go to bed early.
I didn't have to go to work today, since the snow is still pretty bad up here, and our road is a mess of ice, snow, and slush. And I don't live near the main road where I catch my bus to work, so I called and said I couldn't make it (my manager seemed ok with it, I felt bad and was all apologetic, but he was like "You can't help it!"). It's been snowing on and off kinda heavily again today, but I'll probably have to go in tomorrow all the same. In spite of the fact that I have no boots, my "winter" coat is thinner than half of the hoodies I own, and I've no gloves to my name either since I lost them on the bus last year and haven't found a new pair I like enough to buy...
So, back to work tomorrow. Which is depressing in itself, sigh.
I'm sure there was something else I was going to write about here today, but I really can't remember. So I think I'm going to have a shower, maybe a nap, and then straighten my hair for work tomorrow. And maybe even give myself a much-needed manicure. FUN TIMES WHUT.
Also: I love how I keep saying I can't afford a pair of boots because the ones I like are all upwards of £100, yet I have no qualms with the fact that the list of cosmetics I'm ordering from MAC's two new limited edition collections tomorrow comes to just under £120. I'm such a hypocrite. And makeup obsessed.
I should make one of my New Year's Resolutions to try to cut my makeup spending, even by a third. Lord knows I could use the money (and I pretty desperately need some new bedroom furniture, since the shit I bought from Argos a year and a half ago is basically falling apart at this point.)
Anyway, I'm rambling again. I'm off now!
I'll beak it down for you. The first couple of days on ABC, I managed to gain THREE pounds. It was probably a late gain from all the Southern Comfort I had on New Year's eve, but I gained and it was depressing just the same, and demotivating, and I didn't want to mention it here because gaining weight, even when I'm actively restricting, tastes like failure and it's embarassing. But for the sake of full disclosure and honesty - and hey, when I have to admit it and be truthful, I'm less likely to fuck up because I have to answer to you guys! - there it is. A couple days late, but whatever.
Then to make matters worse, yesterday I was at home all day with my aunt and I will admit: I binged.
And when I say I binged I don't mean I ate a couple of cookies and a sandwich. By my calculations, my total calorie intake was around 2,000. So I consumed FOUR times the amount I was allotted on ABC.
But the fucked up part? I've LOST a little over a pound. Maybe eating a "normal" amount of calories for the first time in a long time has woken up my metabolism a little? Maybe the fact that the night before last and last night, I had my first two consecutive DECENT NIGHTS' SLEEP in years helped? Fuck me, I have no idea. And I'll probably wake up tomorrow 5lbs heavier, but right now this just feels totally bizarre, and I do not understand one bit.
Today is okay so far. 200 Calorie cap for today, and I've only had some low-cal soup with a couple crackers and a load of Pepsi Max. I'm not hungry in the slightest so will probably skip dinner, have a shower shortly, and go to bed early.
I didn't have to go to work today, since the snow is still pretty bad up here, and our road is a mess of ice, snow, and slush. And I don't live near the main road where I catch my bus to work, so I called and said I couldn't make it (my manager seemed ok with it, I felt bad and was all apologetic, but he was like "You can't help it!"). It's been snowing on and off kinda heavily again today, but I'll probably have to go in tomorrow all the same. In spite of the fact that I have no boots, my "winter" coat is thinner than half of the hoodies I own, and I've no gloves to my name either since I lost them on the bus last year and haven't found a new pair I like enough to buy...
So, back to work tomorrow. Which is depressing in itself, sigh.
I'm sure there was something else I was going to write about here today, but I really can't remember. So I think I'm going to have a shower, maybe a nap, and then straighten my hair for work tomorrow. And maybe even give myself a much-needed manicure. FUN TIMES WHUT.
Also: I love how I keep saying I can't afford a pair of boots because the ones I like are all upwards of £100, yet I have no qualms with the fact that the list of cosmetics I'm ordering from MAC's two new limited edition collections tomorrow comes to just under £120. I'm such a hypocrite. And makeup obsessed.
I should make one of my New Year's Resolutions to try to cut my makeup spending, even by a third. Lord knows I could use the money (and I pretty desperately need some new bedroom furniture, since the shit I bought from Argos a year and a half ago is basically falling apart at this point.)
Anyway, I'm rambling again. I'm off now!
Monday, 21 December 2009
Gross but Good (warning: talk of poop)
My stomach has been ridiculously upset the past several days. I think it's a mixture of anxiety and that I may be coming down with a bug. But I'm kind of glad. Example: dinner tonight, I had a mouthful of rice and a couple tablespoons worth of mashed potatoes, and then a couple scoops of ice cream. Luckily it was all pretty rank so I didn't finish what I did put on my plate. Not twenty minutes later I had rather explosive diarrhoea, and everything I ate was flushed completely out of me (that was apparent by the whole undigested pieces of coconut from the ice cream that was visible... after). Honestly I'm surprised my family hasn't noticed the amount I've been eating... I've been taking a small amount of food to start with, then eating less than half and leaving it. I've been expecting comments, but nobody's said a thing, so I'm not sure they've noticed.
I'm going home tomorrow, and I've got mixed feelings. I'm looking forward to seeing my kitties and catching up with S and L, and most of all sleeping in my own bed. And of course, having more control over the food that I'm eating, since right now everything is catered and there's not a huge variety. Rice and various fish-cooked-in-some-manner-of-sauce, vegetables and meats coated in sauces and gravies. Ugh, my stomach is squirming just thinking about it. Once I get home I can settle back into my own routines, and I'm really looking forward to it.
I think at this point I'm going to start ABC on New Year's Day. I'll restrict before then but plunge right back in at the start of the new year. It seems like a nice way to start the year - after all, they say that however New Year's Day goes, sets the precident for the rest of the year. Anybody with me? =]
Thank you all for your comments on my Exercise Tips, that's a great idea. I've already "obtained" a few Yoga DVDs that I'm going to burn when I get home.
But I've got another question for you: Pro Ana bracelets. I want one. I have for a while, but haven't gotten around to it yet. I'm having trouble finding something I really like. I mean I found one, but since I apparently have expensive tastes, it's a silver Tiffany & Co bangle with a red enamel inlay. Gorgeous, but somewhere in the region of £300.
I'd love to make my own but I'm tres uncreative and tend not to finish creative projects that I start. Which is bad, but whatever. I started making one in different shades of red and black thread, Friendship-Bracelet style, but I didn't like it so I stopped making it..
So the question is, do you have one? If so, where did you get it?
Thanks again, I hope you're all doing well and had a great weekend.
Vee xox
I'm going home tomorrow, and I've got mixed feelings. I'm looking forward to seeing my kitties and catching up with S and L, and most of all sleeping in my own bed. And of course, having more control over the food that I'm eating, since right now everything is catered and there's not a huge variety. Rice and various fish-cooked-in-some-manner-of-sauce, vegetables and meats coated in sauces and gravies. Ugh, my stomach is squirming just thinking about it. Once I get home I can settle back into my own routines, and I'm really looking forward to it.
I think at this point I'm going to start ABC on New Year's Day. I'll restrict before then but plunge right back in at the start of the new year. It seems like a nice way to start the year - after all, they say that however New Year's Day goes, sets the precident for the rest of the year. Anybody with me? =]
Thank you all for your comments on my Exercise Tips, that's a great idea. I've already "obtained" a few Yoga DVDs that I'm going to burn when I get home.
But I've got another question for you: Pro Ana bracelets. I want one. I have for a while, but haven't gotten around to it yet. I'm having trouble finding something I really like. I mean I found one, but since I apparently have expensive tastes, it's a silver Tiffany & Co bangle with a red enamel inlay. Gorgeous, but somewhere in the region of £300.
I'd love to make my own but I'm tres uncreative and tend not to finish creative projects that I start. Which is bad, but whatever. I started making one in different shades of red and black thread, Friendship-Bracelet style, but I didn't like it so I stopped making it..
So the question is, do you have one? If so, where did you get it?
Thanks again, I hope you're all doing well and had a great weekend.
Vee xox
Thursday, 30 July 2009
Slight change of plan
So, I got home from work and went to get a 10-calorie soup for dinner, only to realize I don't have any left. I have one or two in my desk at work but none at home >.< Soo I had the next best thing out of what I had at home.. 220 calorie frozen shepherd's pie. Which tastes amazing, I might add, and for 220 calories I could probably live on nothing but one of them a day and be happy...
But anyway. That pushed the daily total up to 310. It's no 100 but it's still damn good I think. Tomorrow at work I'm just having grapes again.. I think if I leave them any longer they'll go yucky, and I won't be having them Saturday since ALL I'm having Saturday is the Indian food and whatever alcohol at night. I want to fast on Sunday but since we're all at home it's going to be hard to do it without my aunts noticing. HOPEfully I'll be able to get to the store tomorrow to stock up on some more 10-calorie soups. If not, I've got some oxo chicken stock cubes that are like 12 calories each so I can make a cup of "soup" and pass that off at something. Although my aunt's been known to tell me soup is not enough (even though she herself often just has a 100-calorie cup of soup for dinner anyway? The hypocrisy kills me sometimes)
Still, I'm down 4lbs from the beginning of the week, so I can't REALLY complain =] I'm anticipating another half-pound drop tomorrow and if I can drop another half by Saturday morning that means I'll be down the 5lbs I'd been aiming for. Which is definitely good. Saturday night will probably do some damage but I'm staying positive in my ability to stay strong and not overindulge in the calories. And keep reminding myself that any damage inflicted will easily be erased again next week. =] Luckily, S and L both know I'm trying to save my cash for my trips right now so I'll be able to get out of any other outings other than just wandering around the mall or window shopping in town for the rest of the month. Then I'm off to Canada for two weeks.
It's the trip to Canada that I'm a little concerned about. My mom is already planning to make all of my favourite foods, plus there is poutine there and some amazing ice cream place my best friend V wants to take me to. Everything in moderation, Vee.
Luckily, one of my friends, we'll call her N since that's what her name starts with (I think I'm going to have to put up a legend on my sidebar or something to keep these all straight), that I've recently reconnected with after being out of touch for ten years... I'll be doing a lot of shopping with her, and she's VERY weight conscious. So, it won't look odd when we go shopping and decide to go to lunch and I decide I just want a small salad. And I might be able to hit the gym with her, if you just pay to get in instead of having to have a monthly membership.
See, when we were kids, she was pretty huge. I knew her basically all through elementary school. She was taller than the rest of the kids, but she was also pretty overweight. People used to make fun of her and there were rumours going around the school when we were only 10 years old that she was a member of Jenny Craig. Really shitty, cruel stuff. But we were friends.
Then apparently she busted her ass getting in shape because when I stumbled across her facebook page last year, I honest to God didn't recognize her. I was staring at the thumbnail picture and the "you have 17 friends in common" and thinking "was that N's last name? Oh my god, that is so not the same person!" Instead of the trainwreck she was when we were kids, she looks like a Bollywood star now. She wears designer clothes and looks amaaazing. Plus she's so pretty!
That's what I want. People to look at me in a few months' time and go "...wow is that the same person? YOU LOOK AMAZING" you know? It won't be this time obviously but I'm supposed to go to Canada again next September and that is what I'm aiming for. Shock and surprise and awe.
Anyway. N isn't disordered, unless you consider the fact that she's addicted to food. She had to bust her ass at a gym doing cardio every day for the fat to slowly melt off. She said she's really struggled with her weight, at one point she gained it all back and had to start over, and she fluctuates by about 20lbs at any given time. But she looks amazing. And I am ridiculously jealous.
But anyway, I'm completely off topic, haha. I wish I had her dedication to the gym. Hopefully when I get back from Canada I'll have enough spare money to re-join the gym by work so I can stop by every day for an hour or two before heading home. Just need to get my finances sorted out so I can do it (my gym costs £50 a month haha)
Anyway, today turned out to be a pretty good day even though my plans were changed slightly. Tomorrow is Friday so it's automatically a great day. And while I'm not looking forward to the calories involved on Saturday, I'm very much looking forward to seeing S and L. We get together every week or two, and we didn't see eachother last weekend so it feels like FOREVERRR.
Anyway. Hope you guys are all having a good day. Stay strong!
Vee xox
But anyway. That pushed the daily total up to 310. It's no 100 but it's still damn good I think. Tomorrow at work I'm just having grapes again.. I think if I leave them any longer they'll go yucky, and I won't be having them Saturday since ALL I'm having Saturday is the Indian food and whatever alcohol at night. I want to fast on Sunday but since we're all at home it's going to be hard to do it without my aunts noticing. HOPEfully I'll be able to get to the store tomorrow to stock up on some more 10-calorie soups. If not, I've got some oxo chicken stock cubes that are like 12 calories each so I can make a cup of "soup" and pass that off at something. Although my aunt's been known to tell me soup is not enough (even though she herself often just has a 100-calorie cup of soup for dinner anyway? The hypocrisy kills me sometimes)
Still, I'm down 4lbs from the beginning of the week, so I can't REALLY complain =] I'm anticipating another half-pound drop tomorrow and if I can drop another half by Saturday morning that means I'll be down the 5lbs I'd been aiming for. Which is definitely good. Saturday night will probably do some damage but I'm staying positive in my ability to stay strong and not overindulge in the calories. And keep reminding myself that any damage inflicted will easily be erased again next week. =] Luckily, S and L both know I'm trying to save my cash for my trips right now so I'll be able to get out of any other outings other than just wandering around the mall or window shopping in town for the rest of the month. Then I'm off to Canada for two weeks.
It's the trip to Canada that I'm a little concerned about. My mom is already planning to make all of my favourite foods, plus there is poutine there and some amazing ice cream place my best friend V wants to take me to. Everything in moderation, Vee.
Luckily, one of my friends, we'll call her N since that's what her name starts with (I think I'm going to have to put up a legend on my sidebar or something to keep these all straight), that I've recently reconnected with after being out of touch for ten years... I'll be doing a lot of shopping with her, and she's VERY weight conscious. So, it won't look odd when we go shopping and decide to go to lunch and I decide I just want a small salad. And I might be able to hit the gym with her, if you just pay to get in instead of having to have a monthly membership.
See, when we were kids, she was pretty huge. I knew her basically all through elementary school. She was taller than the rest of the kids, but she was also pretty overweight. People used to make fun of her and there were rumours going around the school when we were only 10 years old that she was a member of Jenny Craig. Really shitty, cruel stuff. But we were friends.
Then apparently she busted her ass getting in shape because when I stumbled across her facebook page last year, I honest to God didn't recognize her. I was staring at the thumbnail picture and the "you have 17 friends in common" and thinking "was that N's last name? Oh my god, that is so not the same person!" Instead of the trainwreck she was when we were kids, she looks like a Bollywood star now. She wears designer clothes and looks amaaazing. Plus she's so pretty!
That's what I want. People to look at me in a few months' time and go "...wow is that the same person? YOU LOOK AMAZING" you know? It won't be this time obviously but I'm supposed to go to Canada again next September and that is what I'm aiming for. Shock and surprise and awe.
Anyway. N isn't disordered, unless you consider the fact that she's addicted to food. She had to bust her ass at a gym doing cardio every day for the fat to slowly melt off. She said she's really struggled with her weight, at one point she gained it all back and had to start over, and she fluctuates by about 20lbs at any given time. But she looks amazing. And I am ridiculously jealous.
But anyway, I'm completely off topic, haha. I wish I had her dedication to the gym. Hopefully when I get back from Canada I'll have enough spare money to re-join the gym by work so I can stop by every day for an hour or two before heading home. Just need to get my finances sorted out so I can do it (my gym costs £50 a month haha)
Anyway, today turned out to be a pretty good day even though my plans were changed slightly. Tomorrow is Friday so it's automatically a great day. And while I'm not looking forward to the calories involved on Saturday, I'm very much looking forward to seeing S and L. We get together every week or two, and we didn't see eachother last weekend so it feels like FOREVERRR.
Anyway. Hope you guys are all having a good day. Stay strong!
Vee xox
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Awesome Treat
Mug or Cup of hot water
1-2 teaspoons of decent quality instant coffee (like Colombian or Brazilian)
1 level teaspoon of Options Belgian Chocolate hot chocolate powder.
Mix together and enjoy, baby!
Only 37 calories a cup ;] Less if you use less hot chocolate. But the coffee adds a nice boost to your metabolism to boot.
Tastes like a nice mocha, and the hot chocolate is already nice and sweet and gives a kind of creamy consistency so no real need for milk or coffee whitener. I like my coffee very sweet though so added a splenda sweetener tab for 0.2kcals.
Heaven in a cup.
All credit to my friend K, who is a whiz. I was actually talking to someone at work yesterday about coffee plus hot chocolate but for some reason it never clicked that it might actually taste halfway decent. Duh!
I think they key is to get good coffee though.
One cup and I'm already buzzing.
Also, when I went to Tesco to buy the coffee and hot chocolate, it was raining rather hard, and I nearly left my umbrella there, sigh. The dude was chatty and nice and was talking about the crappy weather and asked how my week is going and I said way too slow. Need. COFFEE. And I'd bought some green tea too. And he was all "I love green tea, I drink way too much of it. But I'm scared I'm drinking TOO much because I've already got an insanely high metabolism so I want to eat all the time!" and I was like yeah, and you'll get the shakes! But god damn it, why do WOMEN never get the super-high-metabolism-must-eat-eighteen-thousand-calories-in-a-day-or-will-die-from-skeletonitis gene?
Fucking men.
I even said "Damn, I wish I could that" and he was like "no you don't, you'd just want to eat everything!"
Pfft.
Another post later. I need to let my buzz wear off or my thoughts will not be organized.
1-2 teaspoons of decent quality instant coffee (like Colombian or Brazilian)
1 level teaspoon of Options Belgian Chocolate hot chocolate powder.
Mix together and enjoy, baby!
Only 37 calories a cup ;] Less if you use less hot chocolate. But the coffee adds a nice boost to your metabolism to boot.
Tastes like a nice mocha, and the hot chocolate is already nice and sweet and gives a kind of creamy consistency so no real need for milk or coffee whitener. I like my coffee very sweet though so added a splenda sweetener tab for 0.2kcals.
Heaven in a cup.
All credit to my friend K, who is a whiz. I was actually talking to someone at work yesterday about coffee plus hot chocolate but for some reason it never clicked that it might actually taste halfway decent. Duh!
I think they key is to get good coffee though.
One cup and I'm already buzzing.
Also, when I went to Tesco to buy the coffee and hot chocolate, it was raining rather hard, and I nearly left my umbrella there, sigh. The dude was chatty and nice and was talking about the crappy weather and asked how my week is going and I said way too slow. Need. COFFEE. And I'd bought some green tea too. And he was all "I love green tea, I drink way too much of it. But I'm scared I'm drinking TOO much because I've already got an insanely high metabolism so I want to eat all the time!" and I was like yeah, and you'll get the shakes! But god damn it, why do WOMEN never get the super-high-metabolism-must-eat-eighteen-thousand-calories-in-a-day-or-will-die-from-skeletonitis gene?
Fucking men.
I even said "Damn, I wish I could that" and he was like "no you don't, you'd just want to eat everything!"
Pfft.
Another post later. I need to let my buzz wear off or my thoughts will not be organized.
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
A Moment of Strength
God, I'm so fucking upbeat and positive today that I kind of want to scream. Remember when I wrote ages ago about starvation = euphoria? It's still fucking true. I've missed this. It's an amazing feeling.
Just now I went to the little book stall set up outside my work's canteen, and picked up a birthday present for S - a dessert cookbook. And it cost me £4. Regular price? £20. Score! So I shall just need to get a card and wrap it up nicely and it's good to go. Although in retrospect we're now going to have to carry it around the mall on Saturday. Oh well =]
I also picked up a little Juice recipe book set. It's so cute, the box that the three little books are in is shaped like a mini juice/milk carton (That just made me think, do we have milk cartons over here? I know we have the bottles but I can't remember seeing any cardboard cartons. Trippy! Screw cartons, England needs to discover the good ol' Milk In A Bag that we had back in Canada, ehehe. Ok ok, I'm off topic already). The three books are for Vegetable juices, Fruit juices, and Smoothies respectively.
I figure this will be good because I've been wanting a juicer and to be able to do some juice-fasts every now and again, and the book will give me a little inspiration and I'll be able to try something new rather than eating and drinking the same boring shit every day. It'll be... interesting. The problem right now is that I don't actually HAVE a juicer. There's one on sale in the Morrison's near my new house that has one on sale for £9.98, and I was going to buy it, but then J said her sister in law gave them one ages ago and its in their garage. Which is ok but do I really want a juicer that's been sitting in their spider-infested garage for the past 2+ years? Probably not. I think I'll buy the juicer when I go shopping this weekend. And also make a mental note to buy some fruits and vegetables to try a couple of the juices out.
Honestly, I'm so excited about this. More than I should be, haha.
Jeez... I've posted SIX times already today? I have issues...
Moving on.
Like I said, the book stall was outside work's canteen. I went in to get a Pepsi Max, because I need something other than lukewarm-water-that-gives-me-heartburn to drink, and the drinks machine near where my desk is doesn't have a SINGLE diet beverage in it. And although that Lilt would have tasted amazing, it wasn't worth the 60 calories for a 500ml bottle.
Anyway, I was SO tempted to buy something to eat. First I looked at the yogurts, but I already had a yogurt at my desk. Then I looked at the fruit, but they looked like they were in a state of suspended decay. Then I looked at the sandwiches and so very very nearly picked up a cheese-and-pepperoni panini. And then I saw the mushroom stroganoff with rice, and a voice inside said "You did so well yesterday, having that for lunch today isn't going to kill you, you know" - but I fought it down and let that other voice take over instead. The one that was telling me "What's the point in doing so well yesterday to begin with if you're going to turn around and fuck it right up again on day two? Are you really so god damn weak that you can't handle two days in a row without stuffing yourself full of greasy food like the fat pig you don't want to be?"
I turned away, internally screaming at the voice that dared to tell me it was okay. Because it was not okay at all. I could do this, I wasn't even really hungry, I just wanted it because it was THERE and it would taste okay for the entire ten minutes it would take me to eat it. But then were would I be? So I smiled and I turned away and went to pay for my bottle of pop.
Then, I was interrupted when the lady from the security desk in reception turned to me and said hi. Told me I looked different, good-different with blonde hair and she didn't recognize me at first. She told me I looked "fab" and I wanted to hit her. I do not look fab. The last compliment she paid me was the last time I ran into her about a year ago, when she told me "My god, you've lost a load of weight, you look fantastic!" - which she couldn't say to me today because here I am, 30lbs heavier than I was back then.
Funny, isn't it? A compliment means nothing unless it's a comment about how much weight you've lost, how slim and skinny you look.
All the same, I'm still in a great mood. I came back to my desk and ate my yogurt and I can honestly, truly say that I feel full. I'm not just talking sated and not-hungry but actually full. Which just reinforces the fact that I don't actually, really, need to eat more. If I'd bought food from the canteen, I'd have eaten it just for the sake of it, I would have regretted it and felt like shit and gained weight. And I wasn't even hungry.
I love these moments. The times I make the right decisions. They seem way too few and far between, but when they happen I feel elated.
Haha ok I'm going to try not to write any more random posts today, lord knows I've already spammed up my followers' dashboard bloglist enough.
No posts tomorrow as I'm off work and the home internet isn't up yet. But I'll be thinking of you! xxx
Just now I went to the little book stall set up outside my work's canteen, and picked up a birthday present for S - a dessert cookbook. And it cost me £4. Regular price? £20. Score! So I shall just need to get a card and wrap it up nicely and it's good to go. Although in retrospect we're now going to have to carry it around the mall on Saturday. Oh well =]
I also picked up a little Juice recipe book set. It's so cute, the box that the three little books are in is shaped like a mini juice/milk carton (That just made me think, do we have milk cartons over here? I know we have the bottles but I can't remember seeing any cardboard cartons. Trippy! Screw cartons, England needs to discover the good ol' Milk In A Bag that we had back in Canada, ehehe. Ok ok, I'm off topic already). The three books are for Vegetable juices, Fruit juices, and Smoothies respectively.
I figure this will be good because I've been wanting a juicer and to be able to do some juice-fasts every now and again, and the book will give me a little inspiration and I'll be able to try something new rather than eating and drinking the same boring shit every day. It'll be... interesting. The problem right now is that I don't actually HAVE a juicer. There's one on sale in the Morrison's near my new house that has one on sale for £9.98, and I was going to buy it, but then J said her sister in law gave them one ages ago and its in their garage. Which is ok but do I really want a juicer that's been sitting in their spider-infested garage for the past 2+ years? Probably not. I think I'll buy the juicer when I go shopping this weekend. And also make a mental note to buy some fruits and vegetables to try a couple of the juices out.
Honestly, I'm so excited about this. More than I should be, haha.
Jeez... I've posted SIX times already today? I have issues...
Moving on.
Like I said, the book stall was outside work's canteen. I went in to get a Pepsi Max, because I need something other than lukewarm-water-that-gives-me-heartburn to drink, and the drinks machine near where my desk is doesn't have a SINGLE diet beverage in it. And although that Lilt would have tasted amazing, it wasn't worth the 60 calories for a 500ml bottle.
Anyway, I was SO tempted to buy something to eat. First I looked at the yogurts, but I already had a yogurt at my desk. Then I looked at the fruit, but they looked like they were in a state of suspended decay. Then I looked at the sandwiches and so very very nearly picked up a cheese-and-pepperoni panini. And then I saw the mushroom stroganoff with rice, and a voice inside said "You did so well yesterday, having that for lunch today isn't going to kill you, you know" - but I fought it down and let that other voice take over instead. The one that was telling me "What's the point in doing so well yesterday to begin with if you're going to turn around and fuck it right up again on day two? Are you really so god damn weak that you can't handle two days in a row without stuffing yourself full of greasy food like the fat pig you don't want to be?"
I turned away, internally screaming at the voice that dared to tell me it was okay. Because it was not okay at all. I could do this, I wasn't even really hungry, I just wanted it because it was THERE and it would taste okay for the entire ten minutes it would take me to eat it. But then were would I be? So I smiled and I turned away and went to pay for my bottle of pop.
Then, I was interrupted when the lady from the security desk in reception turned to me and said hi. Told me I looked different, good-different with blonde hair and she didn't recognize me at first. She told me I looked "fab" and I wanted to hit her. I do not look fab. The last compliment she paid me was the last time I ran into her about a year ago, when she told me "My god, you've lost a load of weight, you look fantastic!" - which she couldn't say to me today because here I am, 30lbs heavier than I was back then.
Funny, isn't it? A compliment means nothing unless it's a comment about how much weight you've lost, how slim and skinny you look.
All the same, I'm still in a great mood. I came back to my desk and ate my yogurt and I can honestly, truly say that I feel full. I'm not just talking sated and not-hungry but actually full. Which just reinforces the fact that I don't actually, really, need to eat more. If I'd bought food from the canteen, I'd have eaten it just for the sake of it, I would have regretted it and felt like shit and gained weight. And I wasn't even hungry.
I love these moments. The times I make the right decisions. They seem way too few and far between, but when they happen I feel elated.
Haha ok I'm going to try not to write any more random posts today, lord knows I've already spammed up my followers' dashboard bloglist enough.
No posts tomorrow as I'm off work and the home internet isn't up yet. But I'll be thinking of you! xxx
Calorie Counting Bracelets
I've just been randomly skimming the internet and stumbled across the Calorie Counting Bracelet phenomenon. Maybe not so much a phenomenon as they aren't exactly widely available or anything, but I'm still loving the idea.
It's essentially a beaded bracelet with a charm that hooks onto it. Each bead represents a certain number of calories (all the ones I've seen so far work on a 1 bead = 100 kcals basis, but I'd be more interested in a double-stranded one where the first strand is 10 calories per bead and the second strand has fewer beads and measures in hundreds) and you move your charm over to keep track of how many calories you're on.
I love it and I really want one.
I've found THIS website that sells some two-stranded (20 beads total) calorie-counter bracelets, as well as pretty single-stranded beaded bracelets in various semiprecious stones (garnet for Ana, amethyst for Mia, etc) and with meaningful charms attached. I might buy one of each, but I need a wrist measurement first, and I'm at work so that's kinda not going to happen here.
Anyway, enjoy! <3
It's essentially a beaded bracelet with a charm that hooks onto it. Each bead represents a certain number of calories (all the ones I've seen so far work on a 1 bead = 100 kcals basis, but I'd be more interested in a double-stranded one where the first strand is 10 calories per bead and the second strand has fewer beads and measures in hundreds) and you move your charm over to keep track of how many calories you're on.
I love it and I really want one.
I've found THIS website that sells some two-stranded (20 beads total) calorie-counter bracelets, as well as pretty single-stranded beaded bracelets in various semiprecious stones (garnet for Ana, amethyst for Mia, etc) and with meaningful charms attached. I might buy one of each, but I need a wrist measurement first, and I'm at work so that's kinda not going to happen here.
Anyway, enjoy! <3
Advice Time v2.0
I want to get a pedometer/step counter. But I'm torn between two.
Do I get the standard everyday one that calculates steps, distance, and calories, and switches into "Aerobic mode" once you've been walking a decent speed for more than 10 minutes (I think that's for more accurate calorie counting)? (£11)
Or the better model that does the above and also calculates your metabolism and has an exercise mode that calculates intensity in METs, records your exercise "units" (the equivalent of one MET-hour = 1 Exercise unit) and gives you a weekly goal of 21 exercise units, and keeps track of your progress toward the goals (£22)
Which would you go for?
Do I get the standard everyday one that calculates steps, distance, and calories, and switches into "Aerobic mode" once you've been walking a decent speed for more than 10 minutes (I think that's for more accurate calorie counting)? (£11)
Or the better model that does the above and also calculates your metabolism and has an exercise mode that calculates intensity in METs, records your exercise "units" (the equivalent of one MET-hour = 1 Exercise unit) and gives you a weekly goal of 21 exercise units, and keeps track of your progress toward the goals (£22)
Which would you go for?
Monday, 8 June 2009
Good? Maybe.
This weekend was a shittalicious weekend. I mean I didn't overeat (aside from the bag of popcorn at the cinema on Saturday night, but I haven't had cinema popcorn in over a year and a half and I needed to get it out of my system. And after all the popcorn kernel skin crap that got all up in my gums, I'm kind of getting sick of it already) so it wasn't bad in THAT sense.
But it was bad in the sense that I managed to weigh myself and then nearly dropped dead right there in my bathroom.
I can't even bring myself to type or say it. I'm in denial. But this has forced me to really need to do something about it. I mean, the need has been there for a while but I let myself become complacent. Saying, hey, I've eaten more than I should but it's still less than a "normal person" so it's ok. But it isn't okay.
So, back to basics, baby.
Today has been a good day so far.
For breakfast I brought cereal to work. I found this awesome gadget at Morrison's this weekend that is like two pots that screw together. The bottom one has a gel lining and you put it in the freezer (like those plastic cups you get in summer with gel in it and you freeze it so it keeps your drinks cold?) and you put your milk in it and it keeps your milk cold. The top part you put the cereal into, then screw it on top of the milk part, pop it in a bag and you're good to go. The lid even has a foldy spoon in it. Super handy.
So, I bought some unsweetened soymilk. My aunts spent all last night bitching about how horrible soymilk is and yick. But honestly, I couldn't really tell a difference between that and the semiskimmed/2% they usually buy for cereal. Although, I don't like milk anyway so it all tastes just as nonyummy to me I guess.
So I had:
Half a cup of Special K cereal = Around 60 kcals (I'm going off the guidelines for Red Berries, which is slightly more than the one I bought)
Around 100mls of unsweetened Soymilk = Around 29kcals (I'll need to check the carton and do exact calcs when I get home)
That was breakfast. Then for lunch I just had a fat-free vanilla yogurt for 100 calories.
Total so far? 189. Yay, under 200!
Last night for dinner I had a Weight Watcher's Shepherd's pie. And you know what, it was pretty damn good, and only 220 calories. Which is MUCH better than some of the frozen meals out there. I don't think I've got another at home so it'll either be a salmon-broccoli-wedge-melt (around 290?) or a Slimfast Shake (219). Depending on how I feel when I get home I might actually up the ante a little and just have another 100-kcal yogurt
So... That makes my max at under 500, which is live-with-able. But I'm going to aim for that Yogurt because having sub-300 would just feel amazing.
OH SNAP. I just remembered I picked up some 10-calorie soups! Ignore all of the above, I'm having 10-calorie soup for dinner.
Total: 199 Calories.
Fuck. Yes.
We can do this ladies. Fuck yes we can.
Vee xox
But it was bad in the sense that I managed to weigh myself and then nearly dropped dead right there in my bathroom.
I can't even bring myself to type or say it. I'm in denial. But this has forced me to really need to do something about it. I mean, the need has been there for a while but I let myself become complacent. Saying, hey, I've eaten more than I should but it's still less than a "normal person" so it's ok. But it isn't okay.
So, back to basics, baby.
Today has been a good day so far.
For breakfast I brought cereal to work. I found this awesome gadget at Morrison's this weekend that is like two pots that screw together. The bottom one has a gel lining and you put it in the freezer (like those plastic cups you get in summer with gel in it and you freeze it so it keeps your drinks cold?) and you put your milk in it and it keeps your milk cold. The top part you put the cereal into, then screw it on top of the milk part, pop it in a bag and you're good to go. The lid even has a foldy spoon in it. Super handy.
So, I bought some unsweetened soymilk. My aunts spent all last night bitching about how horrible soymilk is and yick. But honestly, I couldn't really tell a difference between that and the semiskimmed/2% they usually buy for cereal. Although, I don't like milk anyway so it all tastes just as nonyummy to me I guess.
So I had:
Half a cup of Special K cereal = Around 60 kcals (I'm going off the guidelines for Red Berries, which is slightly more than the one I bought)
Around 100mls of unsweetened Soymilk = Around 29kcals (I'll need to check the carton and do exact calcs when I get home)
That was breakfast. Then for lunch I just had a fat-free vanilla yogurt for 100 calories.
Total so far? 189. Yay, under 200!
Last night for dinner I had a Weight Watcher's Shepherd's pie. And you know what, it was pretty damn good, and only 220 calories. Which is MUCH better than some of the frozen meals out there. I don't think I've got another at home so it'll either be a salmon-broccoli-wedge-melt (around 290?) or a Slimfast Shake (219). Depending on how I feel when I get home I might actually up the ante a little and just have another 100-kcal yogurt
So... That makes my max at under 500, which is live-with-able. But I'm going to aim for that Yogurt because having sub-300 would just feel amazing.
OH SNAP. I just remembered I picked up some 10-calorie soups! Ignore all of the above, I'm having 10-calorie soup for dinner.
Total: 199 Calories.
Fuck. Yes.
We can do this ladies. Fuck yes we can.
Vee xox
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Fuck
Last night I received the final bit of motivation I needed to get back on track fully.
After work I met J at the old house so we could pick up a few more small things to take back to the new house. I had to get the hanger pole things and the last 2 drawers for my wardrobe. I put a couple extra small things in it and bent over to pick them up off the floor - and the fucking seam in my work trousers split.
Embarassing and pissed-off-making.
I wouldn't say they fit any tighter than they did a week, two weeks, three weeks ago or anything. And it might be wear and tear since I've been wearing them constantly (well not CONSTANTLY, I'm not a grodey girl, but a lot of wearing, washing, and ironing) for the past year and a half.
But it was still horrible and made me feel ridiculously fat assed.
So, that was that.
Today my meal plan is as follows:
1/2 Strawberry SlimFast shake for Breakfast
1/2 Strawberry SlimFast shake for Lunch
At home, my aunt bought a small pizza to cook for dinner and the best before date is today. If she cooks it, I'll have a piece and cut my losses and not have anything else. If she forgets then yay we can throw them away and I can have a yogurt instead =]
If I can do the yogurt, it will get my total daily calorie intake down to 312. Tomorrow will be probably nothing at work at all, and then a 350-kcal frozen weight watcher's meal at home. Right now we don't have a lot of food at home, which is good and bad. Good because yay not much food! Bad because there's no "healthy" food. Our freezer has some frozen meals in it, which aren't too bad, since they're all under 400 calories per serving. And if that's all I have in a day, then that's just fine. But I would rather have fruit and yogurt. I might buy some stuff to make lettuce soup this week too, becaue at 35 calories a bowl you can not go wrong.
The only problem being that our stove is apparently totally fucked. The oven has two settings that work: Off and Hot As The Pits Of Hell (also known to the layman as "full blast") and the electric hob works randomly or not at all. Sigh.
I'd like to try some kind of new diet. Like a raw food diet. The problem is, I know I'd get bored. I'm kind of tempted to "Go Vegan" because it gives me more sway with the family if anyone questions what I'm eating but... the truth is, I probably couldn't. Cheese is something I don't eat very often, but it's still there for an occasional treat.
Although, that's probably my problem right there. I need to not bank on having that occasional treat.
Anyway, tonight will be a busy night. I need to get my ass in gear and unpack. I put it off last night because I had a killer fucking headache and I had to wash-dry-straighten my hair which took forever. It's looking daunting because half the shit in my room isn't even mine. The gaming chair, the box of DVDs, the DVD player, all belong in my aunt's room or the Office. But the office still has boxes in it. Fuck it, I'm moving that shit out anyway, I need it out of my room. Because the boxes that I need to unpack are in front of all the drawers that I need to unpack them INTO. God.
Did I mention I fucking hate moving?
But I need to get unpacked. Not just because I don't know where anything is (seriously, I can't remember which box has my makeup removers and cotton balls in them, so I had to buy some new makeup remover but forgot cotton balls. And toilet paper leaves bits of its fibres everywhere and gets in your eyes and it sucks. Ugh), but so I can get the treadmill out. I'm looking forward to it.
And I'm kind of looking forward to the possibility of HAVING to walk a mile to and from my bus stop in the morning. Next Wednesday J is having her operation and will be off work for I think 8 weeks, so she won't be driving me to the stop in the morning. My aunt rarely works early shifts, so I won't be able to grab a ride with her either. So that leaves me only the option of walking.
Pros:
Exercise! YAAAAAY!
Cons:
Having to do it in work clothes and shoes
Rain
Nowhere to shower afterward if I get sweaty
I mean, I realize it's only a mile but I'd rather speedwalk and get my heartrate up than spend two hours on a leisurely stroll. Plus my handbag is huge and fucking heavy so it's like speedwalking with a lead weight over one shoulder hehe.
But I digress. When I get home tonight I must also remember to burn those Zumba DVDs so I can get my aerobics on.
Wow. Isn't it funny how a blog entry can totally change your perspective? When I started I was feeling all depressed and pissed off. Now I'm excited about upcoming exercise woot!
Oh also, more excitedness!
Muse is playing in my city in November! <3 I found out this morning and emailed my good buddy S and I'm booking our tickets Friday morning as soon as they go on sale. TOTALLY STOKED! Also preordered their new CD. And Placebo's new CD which is out on Monday. Love!
Sigh. I missed the last Placebo concert in May because it was the day my aunts left for Spain and I had shit to do. Placebo is also playing Manchester in December, but unfortunately I'm in Cancun when they're doing their UK tour dates. Green Day is totally sold out. So I'm not happy about that. But I've been dying to see Muse for EVER (I've been dying to see Green Day too but whatever, and I've already seen Placebo twice, even though they are AMAZING live and I need to see them again) so that's perked me right up.
I'm hoping Marilyn Manson will announce another tour soon, what with the release of his new album The High End Of Low (which is pretty good by the way. My favourite track is We're From America, which is fucking hilarious in a sarcastically offensive kind of way)
Have a great one darlings!
Vee xox
After work I met J at the old house so we could pick up a few more small things to take back to the new house. I had to get the hanger pole things and the last 2 drawers for my wardrobe. I put a couple extra small things in it and bent over to pick them up off the floor - and the fucking seam in my work trousers split.
Embarassing and pissed-off-making.
I wouldn't say they fit any tighter than they did a week, two weeks, three weeks ago or anything. And it might be wear and tear since I've been wearing them constantly (well not CONSTANTLY, I'm not a grodey girl, but a lot of wearing, washing, and ironing) for the past year and a half.
But it was still horrible and made me feel ridiculously fat assed.
So, that was that.
Today my meal plan is as follows:
1/2 Strawberry SlimFast shake for Breakfast
1/2 Strawberry SlimFast shake for Lunch
At home, my aunt bought a small pizza to cook for dinner and the best before date is today. If she cooks it, I'll have a piece and cut my losses and not have anything else. If she forgets then yay we can throw them away and I can have a yogurt instead =]
If I can do the yogurt, it will get my total daily calorie intake down to 312. Tomorrow will be probably nothing at work at all, and then a 350-kcal frozen weight watcher's meal at home. Right now we don't have a lot of food at home, which is good and bad. Good because yay not much food! Bad because there's no "healthy" food. Our freezer has some frozen meals in it, which aren't too bad, since they're all under 400 calories per serving. And if that's all I have in a day, then that's just fine. But I would rather have fruit and yogurt. I might buy some stuff to make lettuce soup this week too, becaue at 35 calories a bowl you can not go wrong.
The only problem being that our stove is apparently totally fucked. The oven has two settings that work: Off and Hot As The Pits Of Hell (also known to the layman as "full blast") and the electric hob works randomly or not at all. Sigh.
I'd like to try some kind of new diet. Like a raw food diet. The problem is, I know I'd get bored. I'm kind of tempted to "Go Vegan" because it gives me more sway with the family if anyone questions what I'm eating but... the truth is, I probably couldn't. Cheese is something I don't eat very often, but it's still there for an occasional treat.
Although, that's probably my problem right there. I need to not bank on having that occasional treat.
Anyway, tonight will be a busy night. I need to get my ass in gear and unpack. I put it off last night because I had a killer fucking headache and I had to wash-dry-straighten my hair which took forever. It's looking daunting because half the shit in my room isn't even mine. The gaming chair, the box of DVDs, the DVD player, all belong in my aunt's room or the Office. But the office still has boxes in it. Fuck it, I'm moving that shit out anyway, I need it out of my room. Because the boxes that I need to unpack are in front of all the drawers that I need to unpack them INTO. God.
Did I mention I fucking hate moving?
But I need to get unpacked. Not just because I don't know where anything is (seriously, I can't remember which box has my makeup removers and cotton balls in them, so I had to buy some new makeup remover but forgot cotton balls. And toilet paper leaves bits of its fibres everywhere and gets in your eyes and it sucks. Ugh), but so I can get the treadmill out. I'm looking forward to it.
And I'm kind of looking forward to the possibility of HAVING to walk a mile to and from my bus stop in the morning. Next Wednesday J is having her operation and will be off work for I think 8 weeks, so she won't be driving me to the stop in the morning. My aunt rarely works early shifts, so I won't be able to grab a ride with her either. So that leaves me only the option of walking.
Pros:
Exercise! YAAAAAY!
Cons:
Having to do it in work clothes and shoes
Rain
Nowhere to shower afterward if I get sweaty
I mean, I realize it's only a mile but I'd rather speedwalk and get my heartrate up than spend two hours on a leisurely stroll. Plus my handbag is huge and fucking heavy so it's like speedwalking with a lead weight over one shoulder hehe.
But I digress. When I get home tonight I must also remember to burn those Zumba DVDs so I can get my aerobics on.
Wow. Isn't it funny how a blog entry can totally change your perspective? When I started I was feeling all depressed and pissed off. Now I'm excited about upcoming exercise woot!
Oh also, more excitedness!
Muse is playing in my city in November! <3 I found out this morning and emailed my good buddy S and I'm booking our tickets Friday morning as soon as they go on sale. TOTALLY STOKED! Also preordered their new CD. And Placebo's new CD which is out on Monday. Love!
Sigh. I missed the last Placebo concert in May because it was the day my aunts left for Spain and I had shit to do. Placebo is also playing Manchester in December, but unfortunately I'm in Cancun when they're doing their UK tour dates. Green Day is totally sold out. So I'm not happy about that. But I've been dying to see Muse for EVER (I've been dying to see Green Day too but whatever, and I've already seen Placebo twice, even though they are AMAZING live and I need to see them again) so that's perked me right up.
I'm hoping Marilyn Manson will announce another tour soon, what with the release of his new album The High End Of Low (which is pretty good by the way. My favourite track is We're From America, which is fucking hilarious in a sarcastically offensive kind of way)
Have a great one darlings!
Vee xox
Monday, 1 June 2009
Oh, also!
Just another thanks to everyone who voted in my poll. Right now I have a treadmill, but that's because it's free. Eventually when I can afford it I'll be getting a cross-trainer too, so thanks for your input ladies. You rock and I adore you all <3
Shittalicious
Just a quick update of sorts.
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been really stressed and busy, as we moved into our new house on Saturday. I spent ALL day on Friday packing (I've only lived in this country for 5 years where the FUCK did all this SHIT come from?? I have enough stuff to furnish a 3-bedroom house on my own, I swear to god), and I'm SO GLAD I took Friday off work. I wasn't going to bother, I thought I'd just leave work early at 4 and spend the night packing. But I packed from 10:30 in the morning and didn't finish until around 8 in the evening. And then I still had a couple things to finish up before we actually moved on Saturday morning.
The house right now is a shambles. Most of the stuff has been moved into the new house, there are just a few things at the old place still (like a couple bags of books, a plastic bag full of old handbags, another bag full of my Film Cell collection (I say collection, I think I have four film cells total so it's hardly a "collection" - for those who are interested, I have the Blade Trilogy, Silent Hill, The Nightmare Before Christmas (OMFGLOVE) and got a small coaster-size Edward Scissorhands one for Christmas. I NEED to get a Fight Club and Choke film cell too... and a Nightmare on Elm Street one would be FABULOUS but we'll see I guess). Our computers are still there but I'm bringing mine home tonight after work and my aunt's leaving hers there for if we need the internet for something until it's been switched to the new house. As of right now we have no interwebs at the new house at all, and AOL (I know, it's Satan's Spawn) said it'll be up to 20 days to get it switched over. Suckage.
SO my updates will be a little sporatic, and I probably won't get around to the Summer2009 challenge in time, but it'll get up there eventually.
So anyway. My bedroom, is bigger. The SPACE is amazing, even though I still have *counts* about 7 boxes in my room right now that need to be unpacked plus the gaming chair my aunt and I bought last year (which is fucking not staying in my room, we bought it to put in the living room, NOT to shove in my room, I don't have THAT much space!) Once the boxes are unpacked I need to bring my big solid wood chest up and I think that is all.
The best news? The treadmill is officially in my bedroom! And it JUST fits between the side of my wardrobe and the wall so I don't have to have it sticking out in the middle of the room. Thank god for inventing foldable exercise equipment. I haven't used it yet as things are so cluttered and I can't even unfold it at this point, but once the boxes are out of the way I'm planning to spend an hour a night on it. I'll have to start walking since my fitness levels are shit-tastic right now, but eventually I want to work my way up to jogging the entire time. I inspected it last night and it DOES have a calorie calculator and a pulse rate thingy in there too, which is something I didn't think it had, so huzzah for that.
Also, I "acquired" a couple Zumba DVDs since I've heard a lot of good things about it. Now that my computer isn't going to be in my bedroom I can't just play them on there and work out, so I think I'll have to burn a few DVDs to keep in my bedroom.
Which reminds me, I need to get a new TV. We're getting Sky installed in the next couple of weeks (for those of you in the US, Sky is like satellite/digital cable. Without it, we have literally only 5 channels, and even that's only with an antenna and if your reception area is amazing.) and I'm getting it setup in my room. And the TV I have right now is crap. It's got a tiny screen, and it's pretty old so it's an old CRT (damn my physics classes, everytime I see or hear or write CRT I flash back to high school when I learned what a Cathode Ray Tube is and how it works and electron firing blah blah. God it's so boring living in my head) and is therefore large and clunky and heavy for what it is. And the DVD player in it doesn't work. Last night while I was doing my hair, I was bored out of my mind. I'm used to reading something on the internet or watching TV/movie on my computer while doing my hair, but without the computer there was nothing to do. So I plugged the fucker in and grabbed one of my aunt's DVDs (yeah for some reason her box of DVDs is in my bedroom, don't ask why because I've no idea) and put it in. And I had to eject and put it back in eight times and blow into the drive a billion times before the bastarding thing would read the disk. SO NOT WORTH THE EFFORT
SO I'll probably just buy a smallish, cheapish flat-screen and have it mounted on my wall, and then get some shelves set up for my XBOX and Sky box and DVD player.
This moving thing is costing so much money, haha.
Bleh, also? This weekend has been hell because I have not slept more than maybe eight collective hours all weekend. I'm the type of person who needs dark and quiet in order to sleep. Once I'm out I can be a bit of a heavy sleeper, or I can be the lightest sleeper in the world, it entirely depends. But I can NOT get to sleep if there is any noise or light. I suffer from insomnia that gets worse at times, and then gets slightly better - but I honestly can not remember the last time I slept a full, straight, uninterrupted 8 hours and woke up feeling refreshed. I am ALWAYS tired.
Anyway I'm digressing.
While packing the last of the big furniture from my bedroom, our friend SR (I'm going to need to put a name legend on the sidebar) asked if we were taking the curtains. Keep in mind that the curtains in my room at the old house cost around £60. They fit my silvery decor, and were fully lined and heavy so they did a damn good job of blocking out any outside light. I paid for them and my aunt is in the process of paying me back for them (along with the £240 carpet we had installed in my room last May). Anyway. My aunt said no, we're not taking the curtains, because she thinks my cat's caught it and pulled a few threads. Also she didn't want to take the curtains because then it would be obvious to outsiders nobody was living there, and the old house is in a neighbourhood where people slash tires knowing full well that people are in the house upstairs with the lights on, so you can imagine what empty houses are like. And there are still valuables in there.
At first, I didn't think of the whole "Light makes my face melt off!" situation. My aunt's sister in law made matching curtains for every room, so there are some nice curtains in my room already that match the wallpaper and carpet - which reminds me, why the fuck did I think the carpet was terra cotta? It's a neutral brown. It must have been reflecting the ghastly rose colour of the old wardrobes or something. BUT of course, after I finally managed to fall asleep, I was WIDE AWAKE at 5:15 in the morning when the sun was STREAMING in and shining full force on my bed. The curtains are made of a very light, gauzy fabric, like tulle or chiffon. They stop basically nothing whatsoever. Same deal this morning. BAD TIMES.
So I brought this up and my aunt said that while we can't take the old curtains yet, she'll find an old sheet or something to cover the window with to help me out in the meantime.
What else?
Oh yeah, this morning my aunt also mentioned we'd have to move my bed away from the wall. Right now it's pressed against the corner so that the head end of my bed is pressed against the wall between my room and my aunts' room, and she said when I turn over the bed is somehow making a banging sound against the wall. So she said to move it down. Except I have no headboard so I can't, if I move the bed my pillows fall off the end - at the old house I had to move my mattress back up flush with the wall EVERY night otherwise my feather pillow was swallowed up in the chasm. SO I have to find somewhere else to put the bed, which is a pain. Possibly just turning it so the side of the bed is a couple inches from the wall and the head is against the outside wall.
Sorry, I'm just thinking out loud at this point.
Ok now I need to bitch. Big time.
Last weekend I went shopping with my good friend S (it's her birthday on Friday, she's turning 19, and this makes me feel very old because jesus, am I REALLY four years older than her?!?!?!) and I bought two pairs of really nice sunglasses from River Island. This morning I wore my favourite pair (which are a pink plastic on the inside and black plastic on the ouside, and there's a flowery design on the sides where you can see the pink through and they're so nice and I love them) when I went to my orthodontist to have my teeth cleaned / any excess glue buffed off.
I'm sure you can already see where I'm going with this.
When I went in and sat next to my grandfather, I clipped the sunglasses onto the strap on my bag. I was called through, had my teeth cleaned, came back out and grabbed my bag from my grandpa and we left. As he passed me the bag I looked at the sunglasses and thought "I need to move those off the strap or I'll lose them" and then put away my appointment card...
Shit, hang on, I just remembered something, I need to call the office again. I'm such a fucking retard.
Nope, no dice.
Anyway. I walked down the stairs, through the X-Ray Reception (which is right inside the front doors, Orthodontics is upstairs) and outside. Once I was outside I realized shit, no sunglasses. So I dropped my bag and jacket next to my grandfather and literally ran back inside and upstairs, checking the floor and stairs on the way. When I got back to the reception I asked the people sitting around where we had been sat if they'd seen them, asked reception if they'd been handed in, nothing. Checked under the chairs and everything. In the sixty seconds it took me to walk downstairs and outside, they completely disappeared.
IE: someone fucking took them and refused to speak up when I asked where they had gone. Thieving fucking bitches.
Just now, I thought I'd figured it out. When I asked reception if they'd been handed in she said "No, dear, but you can go back and see if you dropped them by the hygienist's area earlier?" and I said no, because I hadn't taken my bag in with me when I went in. BUT, when I came out the hygienist forgot to give me my appointment card and for the life of me I can't remember if I had my bag when I went back to get the appointment card before leaving. So just now I called the office and asked if they'd been found but no such luck. =[
Again. Thieving fucking bitches.
So, I'm not happy. I'm tired and I lost the £17 sunglasses I've had for all of nine fucking days. Sure, it could be worse, it could have been a more expensive pair of designer sunglasses, but god damn it, I don't care.
Anyway I should get some work done. This is pretty long =/
Oh on that note I have no idea what I weigh because my scale was not deemed Priority to be brought across this weekend. And I kind of don't want to know. Last time I checked I was back to 198 and this weekend, although it's been hectic with the moving, I had a bacon sandwich on Saturday after moving (it was the only thing we had in the house, granny was cooking for us movers, and I was RAVENOUS after moving shit all morning) and an ice cream cone yesterday so things are probably bad. I Could cry right now even though I don't KNOW.
My official weigh-in day will be this Friday. And good or bad I will post it. Because I report to YOU guys. It kind of helps me stay on track, you know? Like, I feel ashamed if I'm reporting bad news to you, so I have to struggle to have only good to say. That hasn't been the case lately, which is why I avoided the scale for a while I think. But avoiding the issue doesn't make it better, it just makes me in denial. So I need to weigh in and get on with this shit.
GOOD NEWS: J got her date through for the surgery - June 10th. She started her yogurt-and-milk diet yesterday. Which means NO MORE FUCKING FAST FOOD which means it should now be easier for me to get back into restricting too. Yay!
Besides. If she's doing this diet, people can't tell me off for not eating enough, can they? Her surgeon even SAID "normal people can do this diet to lose weight, too" although he did say they should have slimfast instead of just milk, and shouldn't do it EVERY day. Still.
I must remember to buy a load of yogurts. I could easily live off a yogurt for lunch and a yogurt for dinner, and that's only 200 calories combined. So it could totally be worse.
I'm looking forward to it =]
And the money I save will help pay for the TV I need lol.
Later, lovemonkeys!
Vee xoxox
Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been really stressed and busy, as we moved into our new house on Saturday. I spent ALL day on Friday packing (I've only lived in this country for 5 years where the FUCK did all this SHIT come from?? I have enough stuff to furnish a 3-bedroom house on my own, I swear to god), and I'm SO GLAD I took Friday off work. I wasn't going to bother, I thought I'd just leave work early at 4 and spend the night packing. But I packed from 10:30 in the morning and didn't finish until around 8 in the evening. And then I still had a couple things to finish up before we actually moved on Saturday morning.
The house right now is a shambles. Most of the stuff has been moved into the new house, there are just a few things at the old place still (like a couple bags of books, a plastic bag full of old handbags, another bag full of my Film Cell collection (I say collection, I think I have four film cells total so it's hardly a "collection" - for those who are interested, I have the Blade Trilogy, Silent Hill, The Nightmare Before Christmas (OMFGLOVE) and got a small coaster-size Edward Scissorhands one for Christmas. I NEED to get a Fight Club and Choke film cell too... and a Nightmare on Elm Street one would be FABULOUS but we'll see I guess). Our computers are still there but I'm bringing mine home tonight after work and my aunt's leaving hers there for if we need the internet for something until it's been switched to the new house. As of right now we have no interwebs at the new house at all, and AOL (I know, it's Satan's Spawn) said it'll be up to 20 days to get it switched over. Suckage.
SO my updates will be a little sporatic, and I probably won't get around to the Summer2009 challenge in time, but it'll get up there eventually.
So anyway. My bedroom, is bigger. The SPACE is amazing, even though I still have *counts* about 7 boxes in my room right now that need to be unpacked plus the gaming chair my aunt and I bought last year (which is fucking not staying in my room, we bought it to put in the living room, NOT to shove in my room, I don't have THAT much space!) Once the boxes are unpacked I need to bring my big solid wood chest up and I think that is all.
The best news? The treadmill is officially in my bedroom! And it JUST fits between the side of my wardrobe and the wall so I don't have to have it sticking out in the middle of the room. Thank god for inventing foldable exercise equipment. I haven't used it yet as things are so cluttered and I can't even unfold it at this point, but once the boxes are out of the way I'm planning to spend an hour a night on it. I'll have to start walking since my fitness levels are shit-tastic right now, but eventually I want to work my way up to jogging the entire time. I inspected it last night and it DOES have a calorie calculator and a pulse rate thingy in there too, which is something I didn't think it had, so huzzah for that.
Also, I "acquired" a couple Zumba DVDs since I've heard a lot of good things about it. Now that my computer isn't going to be in my bedroom I can't just play them on there and work out, so I think I'll have to burn a few DVDs to keep in my bedroom.
Which reminds me, I need to get a new TV. We're getting Sky installed in the next couple of weeks (for those of you in the US, Sky is like satellite/digital cable. Without it, we have literally only 5 channels, and even that's only with an antenna and if your reception area is amazing.) and I'm getting it setup in my room. And the TV I have right now is crap. It's got a tiny screen, and it's pretty old so it's an old CRT (damn my physics classes, everytime I see or hear or write CRT I flash back to high school when I learned what a Cathode Ray Tube is and how it works and electron firing blah blah. God it's so boring living in my head) and is therefore large and clunky and heavy for what it is. And the DVD player in it doesn't work. Last night while I was doing my hair, I was bored out of my mind. I'm used to reading something on the internet or watching TV/movie on my computer while doing my hair, but without the computer there was nothing to do. So I plugged the fucker in and grabbed one of my aunt's DVDs (yeah for some reason her box of DVDs is in my bedroom, don't ask why because I've no idea) and put it in. And I had to eject and put it back in eight times and blow into the drive a billion times before the bastarding thing would read the disk. SO NOT WORTH THE EFFORT
SO I'll probably just buy a smallish, cheapish flat-screen and have it mounted on my wall, and then get some shelves set up for my XBOX and Sky box and DVD player.
This moving thing is costing so much money, haha.
Bleh, also? This weekend has been hell because I have not slept more than maybe eight collective hours all weekend. I'm the type of person who needs dark and quiet in order to sleep. Once I'm out I can be a bit of a heavy sleeper, or I can be the lightest sleeper in the world, it entirely depends. But I can NOT get to sleep if there is any noise or light. I suffer from insomnia that gets worse at times, and then gets slightly better - but I honestly can not remember the last time I slept a full, straight, uninterrupted 8 hours and woke up feeling refreshed. I am ALWAYS tired.
Anyway I'm digressing.
While packing the last of the big furniture from my bedroom, our friend SR (I'm going to need to put a name legend on the sidebar) asked if we were taking the curtains. Keep in mind that the curtains in my room at the old house cost around £60. They fit my silvery decor, and were fully lined and heavy so they did a damn good job of blocking out any outside light. I paid for them and my aunt is in the process of paying me back for them (along with the £240 carpet we had installed in my room last May). Anyway. My aunt said no, we're not taking the curtains, because she thinks my cat's caught it and pulled a few threads. Also she didn't want to take the curtains because then it would be obvious to outsiders nobody was living there, and the old house is in a neighbourhood where people slash tires knowing full well that people are in the house upstairs with the lights on, so you can imagine what empty houses are like. And there are still valuables in there.
At first, I didn't think of the whole "Light makes my face melt off!" situation. My aunt's sister in law made matching curtains for every room, so there are some nice curtains in my room already that match the wallpaper and carpet - which reminds me, why the fuck did I think the carpet was terra cotta? It's a neutral brown. It must have been reflecting the ghastly rose colour of the old wardrobes or something. BUT of course, after I finally managed to fall asleep, I was WIDE AWAKE at 5:15 in the morning when the sun was STREAMING in and shining full force on my bed. The curtains are made of a very light, gauzy fabric, like tulle or chiffon. They stop basically nothing whatsoever. Same deal this morning. BAD TIMES.
So I brought this up and my aunt said that while we can't take the old curtains yet, she'll find an old sheet or something to cover the window with to help me out in the meantime.
What else?
Oh yeah, this morning my aunt also mentioned we'd have to move my bed away from the wall. Right now it's pressed against the corner so that the head end of my bed is pressed against the wall between my room and my aunts' room, and she said when I turn over the bed is somehow making a banging sound against the wall. So she said to move it down. Except I have no headboard so I can't, if I move the bed my pillows fall off the end - at the old house I had to move my mattress back up flush with the wall EVERY night otherwise my feather pillow was swallowed up in the chasm. SO I have to find somewhere else to put the bed, which is a pain. Possibly just turning it so the side of the bed is a couple inches from the wall and the head is against the outside wall.
Sorry, I'm just thinking out loud at this point.
Ok now I need to bitch. Big time.
Last weekend I went shopping with my good friend S (it's her birthday on Friday, she's turning 19, and this makes me feel very old because jesus, am I REALLY four years older than her?!?!?!) and I bought two pairs of really nice sunglasses from River Island. This morning I wore my favourite pair (which are a pink plastic on the inside and black plastic on the ouside, and there's a flowery design on the sides where you can see the pink through and they're so nice and I love them) when I went to my orthodontist to have my teeth cleaned / any excess glue buffed off.
I'm sure you can already see where I'm going with this.
When I went in and sat next to my grandfather, I clipped the sunglasses onto the strap on my bag. I was called through, had my teeth cleaned, came back out and grabbed my bag from my grandpa and we left. As he passed me the bag I looked at the sunglasses and thought "I need to move those off the strap or I'll lose them" and then put away my appointment card...
Shit, hang on, I just remembered something, I need to call the office again. I'm such a fucking retard.
Nope, no dice.
Anyway. I walked down the stairs, through the X-Ray Reception (which is right inside the front doors, Orthodontics is upstairs) and outside. Once I was outside I realized shit, no sunglasses. So I dropped my bag and jacket next to my grandfather and literally ran back inside and upstairs, checking the floor and stairs on the way. When I got back to the reception I asked the people sitting around where we had been sat if they'd seen them, asked reception if they'd been handed in, nothing. Checked under the chairs and everything. In the sixty seconds it took me to walk downstairs and outside, they completely disappeared.
IE: someone fucking took them and refused to speak up when I asked where they had gone. Thieving fucking bitches.
Just now, I thought I'd figured it out. When I asked reception if they'd been handed in she said "No, dear, but you can go back and see if you dropped them by the hygienist's area earlier?" and I said no, because I hadn't taken my bag in with me when I went in. BUT, when I came out the hygienist forgot to give me my appointment card and for the life of me I can't remember if I had my bag when I went back to get the appointment card before leaving. So just now I called the office and asked if they'd been found but no such luck. =[
Again. Thieving fucking bitches.
So, I'm not happy. I'm tired and I lost the £17 sunglasses I've had for all of nine fucking days. Sure, it could be worse, it could have been a more expensive pair of designer sunglasses, but god damn it, I don't care.
Anyway I should get some work done. This is pretty long =/
Oh on that note I have no idea what I weigh because my scale was not deemed Priority to be brought across this weekend. And I kind of don't want to know. Last time I checked I was back to 198 and this weekend, although it's been hectic with the moving, I had a bacon sandwich on Saturday after moving (it was the only thing we had in the house, granny was cooking for us movers, and I was RAVENOUS after moving shit all morning) and an ice cream cone yesterday so things are probably bad. I Could cry right now even though I don't KNOW.
My official weigh-in day will be this Friday. And good or bad I will post it. Because I report to YOU guys. It kind of helps me stay on track, you know? Like, I feel ashamed if I'm reporting bad news to you, so I have to struggle to have only good to say. That hasn't been the case lately, which is why I avoided the scale for a while I think. But avoiding the issue doesn't make it better, it just makes me in denial. So I need to weigh in and get on with this shit.
GOOD NEWS: J got her date through for the surgery - June 10th. She started her yogurt-and-milk diet yesterday. Which means NO MORE FUCKING FAST FOOD which means it should now be easier for me to get back into restricting too. Yay!
Besides. If she's doing this diet, people can't tell me off for not eating enough, can they? Her surgeon even SAID "normal people can do this diet to lose weight, too" although he did say they should have slimfast instead of just milk, and shouldn't do it EVERY day. Still.
I must remember to buy a load of yogurts. I could easily live off a yogurt for lunch and a yogurt for dinner, and that's only 200 calories combined. So it could totally be worse.
I'm looking forward to it =]
And the money I save will help pay for the TV I need lol.
Later, lovemonkeys!
Vee xoxox
Friday, 8 May 2009
Operation: Door Slam
Was a failure.
My aunts didn't say anything about me being noisy this morning. But yesterday when I was woken up I put my facebook status as "V... has a monster friggin headache and is not happy about being woken up while trying to sleep it off =/" and today my aunt commented and said "we are allowed to have guests over in our own home!"
So tonight nobody said anything (I checked this at work before I came home) but while we were in the car I was laughing about what some mutual friends had written on one of my status updates last week. And my aunt commented that "Yeah I replied to yours with this" and laughed. So I was like "Yeah well it wasn't the guests that woke me up." Which she should have known.
Because last night I SAID to her "She woke me up banging the bathroom door last night" but tried to make it into a joke by saying I really needed to get up and do my hair anyway. Just because I hate conflict and don't want to start an argument with my aunt...
Anyway so today she was like "well then what did wake you up?" and I said "the bathroom door banging." Conveniently J kept out of this entire conversation even though she was driving the car we were in. And then my aunt said (half-jokingly, she always says things that annoy her half-jokingly, so I never know HOW Serious she is about shit but whatever) "You're a little bugger for making noise at night, especially if you have your earplugs in!"
Of course, I know I NEVER make noise at night. It's only maybe once a week (if that) that I even get up to use the bathroom at night with my earplugs in. And even if I do get up my bedroom door is gay and sticks and bangs when you OPEN it, no matter how careful you are. You have to force it out of the jamb, in part I think because the carpet and underlay in here is a little too tall for the door so it sticks. Anyway. When I close my door and the bathroom door however I am always SO FUCKING QUIET. So I can only assume she was using this morning's noise to bring it up, since I haven't made any noise in months and my aunt hasn't brought it up in months. But of course somehow "the two bangs I made this morning on purpose" turned into "I bang every single night multiple times" which is bullshit.
Of course again I just ignored it because I didn't want to start a fight. I should have gone on about how ACTUALLY I make an effort and it's J who wakes me up EVERY NIGHT. I usually tend to go to bed earlier than them due to my insomnia. It sounds like a contradiction but I always figure, the earlier I get to bed and eventually fall asleep, the most cumulative hours I'll have stacked up by the time my alarm goes off, in between waking up a billion times. And Every Single Night J bangs around in the bathroom.
So, I was too much of a pussy to turn it into a fight this afternoon.
It doesn't help that they got me a really nice silver charm bracelet with two charms (a union jack / UK flag, and a dolphin) for my birthday and let me open it today even though it's not my birthday until Tuesday. Now I'm looking forward to adding charms =] So I couldn't be a bitch, sigh.
Anyway, they're going away tomorrow and I'll have a big quiet house all to myself for two weeks. Awesome.
And also, the rest of my ED books and stuff came today =] So I've got my 200 Under 200 book which I'll start transcribing to my ED-Foodblog this weekend whoo! And two more tarot books and my new Wiccan Oracle Cards which are pretty awesome - the card feels a little flimsy but they're so beautifully illustrated so I love them.
And we spent half the day at work doing tarot readings - I thought I'd be in shit because half the team was using my "communal" cards (I only have one deck that I'll let other people use, the rest I'll let people shuffle for readings but won't let people "play" with them) and trying to do readings for themselves. And no work got done for like two hours. But then my manager had me show him how to do it and was all enthusiastic for me to show another guy / supervisor dude in my team who sits next to him, so obviously he didn't mind, which rocks. I really like my manager =] He looks a little bit like a shorter Johnny Depp, too
Anyway, I'm tired so I'm going to try to get to sleep early - my aunts are waking me up at 5 tomorrow morning so I can say goodbye before they leave - so I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.
Muchlove!
Vee xox
My aunts didn't say anything about me being noisy this morning. But yesterday when I was woken up I put my facebook status as "V... has a monster friggin headache and is not happy about being woken up while trying to sleep it off =/" and today my aunt commented and said "we are allowed to have guests over in our own home!"
So tonight nobody said anything (I checked this at work before I came home) but while we were in the car I was laughing about what some mutual friends had written on one of my status updates last week. And my aunt commented that "Yeah I replied to yours with this" and laughed. So I was like "Yeah well it wasn't the guests that woke me up." Which she should have known.
Because last night I SAID to her "She woke me up banging the bathroom door last night" but tried to make it into a joke by saying I really needed to get up and do my hair anyway. Just because I hate conflict and don't want to start an argument with my aunt...
Anyway so today she was like "well then what did wake you up?" and I said "the bathroom door banging." Conveniently J kept out of this entire conversation even though she was driving the car we were in. And then my aunt said (half-jokingly, she always says things that annoy her half-jokingly, so I never know HOW Serious she is about shit but whatever) "You're a little bugger for making noise at night, especially if you have your earplugs in!"
Of course, I know I NEVER make noise at night. It's only maybe once a week (if that) that I even get up to use the bathroom at night with my earplugs in. And even if I do get up my bedroom door is gay and sticks and bangs when you OPEN it, no matter how careful you are. You have to force it out of the jamb, in part I think because the carpet and underlay in here is a little too tall for the door so it sticks. Anyway. When I close my door and the bathroom door however I am always SO FUCKING QUIET. So I can only assume she was using this morning's noise to bring it up, since I haven't made any noise in months and my aunt hasn't brought it up in months. But of course somehow "the two bangs I made this morning on purpose" turned into "I bang every single night multiple times" which is bullshit.
Of course again I just ignored it because I didn't want to start a fight. I should have gone on about how ACTUALLY I make an effort and it's J who wakes me up EVERY NIGHT. I usually tend to go to bed earlier than them due to my insomnia. It sounds like a contradiction but I always figure, the earlier I get to bed and eventually fall asleep, the most cumulative hours I'll have stacked up by the time my alarm goes off, in between waking up a billion times. And Every Single Night J bangs around in the bathroom.
So, I was too much of a pussy to turn it into a fight this afternoon.
It doesn't help that they got me a really nice silver charm bracelet with two charms (a union jack / UK flag, and a dolphin) for my birthday and let me open it today even though it's not my birthday until Tuesday. Now I'm looking forward to adding charms =] So I couldn't be a bitch, sigh.
Anyway, they're going away tomorrow and I'll have a big quiet house all to myself for two weeks. Awesome.
And also, the rest of my ED books and stuff came today =] So I've got my 200 Under 200 book which I'll start transcribing to my ED-Foodblog this weekend whoo! And two more tarot books and my new Wiccan Oracle Cards which are pretty awesome - the card feels a little flimsy but they're so beautifully illustrated so I love them.
And we spent half the day at work doing tarot readings - I thought I'd be in shit because half the team was using my "communal" cards (I only have one deck that I'll let other people use, the rest I'll let people shuffle for readings but won't let people "play" with them) and trying to do readings for themselves. And no work got done for like two hours. But then my manager had me show him how to do it and was all enthusiastic for me to show another guy / supervisor dude in my team who sits next to him, so obviously he didn't mind, which rocks. I really like my manager =] He looks a little bit like a shorter Johnny Depp, too
Anyway, I'm tired so I'm going to try to get to sleep early - my aunts are waking me up at 5 tomorrow morning so I can say goodbye before they leave - so I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.
Muchlove!
Vee xox
Thursday, 7 May 2009
My Addiction
And I don't mean food. Food, I can fight off with enough thought and will power and distraction. My other addiction is more all-consuming than such trivial things as tasty food to put in my mouth and make me fat.
I think I mentioned once or twice before that I'm a Beauty Blogger and have a YouTube channel, which I endeavour to ONE DAY actually do something more constructive with than ramble about randomness, do the odd half-assed review, and maybe one or two eyeshadow tutorials. Sigh, right now it all very much sucks and I haven't posted anything in over a week, partly because I haven't been able to think / find the motivation / time to do anything new, and partly because I've been concentrating actively harder on THIS blog rather than that one. But I need to get my ass in gear because damn it, beauty and makeup is something I'm very passionate about.
To my own detriment.
Mostly I'm a big fan of MAC makeup. It is wonderful, and I've even successfully applied for a MAC Pro membership which means I get 40% off when I order over the phone. So yay. And today two new collections came out. Which means today, I have even less money than the none I usually have. But I can't stop myself.
The thought of not getting BOTH of the beauty powders that HAVE THE SHAPE OF A ROSE BLOOM EMBOSSED ONTO IT OH MY GOD!! was just entirely inconceivable. I made my order and not ten minutes later was kicking myself for not getting that gorgeous pinkey-mauvey nail polish (which I then had to go on MAC's website to order separately even though I wouldn't be getting it discounted because god damn it, I had to have it)
This is why saving up for Canada and Mexico by September is going to be so fucking hard for me.
I can deal with not being able to get a laptop until the end of the year. I want a new, decent, super-high-res camera too, but I'm going to deal with my 2megapixel Fuji FinePix S5500 Zoom and my 5-megapixel Sony Cybershot cameraphone instead because hey, I can live without a professional-quality digital camera, right? A Canon or a Nikon can wait another year. I can even deal with the fact that the wardrobe that I can actually wear right now is limited to like four tank tops, two tee-shirts, two hoodies, two pairs of jeans, two pairs of work trousers, and maybe five work tops (a couple of which are too big but since I wear a cardigan you can't really tell). I mean, that amount of clothing is a fuck of a lot more than I had growing up (in high school I had like two or three pairs of plain black trousers, two tank tops, and like two tee-shirts. And a hand-me-down pair of sneakers, of which the sole of one had torn straight down the middle of the shoe all the way through and when I walked to school in hip-deep snow, I might as well have been walking fucking barefoot. I shit you not.) I can wait to go clothes shopping until I've lost weight, or at least until I've lost SOME weight and am in Canada and things are cheaper.
I can even put off getting bedroom furniture that I'm after (like a vanity table or storage units or a fucking mirror) or wanting to redecorate (the terra cotta carpet in the new house is hideous, for real).
But I can't put off buying makeup. Every month MAC has a new collection out, most of which are limited edition items. And immediately my brain goes into a frenzy and starts crunching numbers and firmly shouting at me that I HAVE TO GET THAT ITEM TOO OR THE WORLD WILL EXPLODE.
All of this is to say that I've bought makeup today that I know I don't need, but that I NEED with every fibre of my being.
And thank fucking god that my relationship with food is not this insane.
I think I mentioned once or twice before that I'm a Beauty Blogger and have a YouTube channel, which I endeavour to ONE DAY actually do something more constructive with than ramble about randomness, do the odd half-assed review, and maybe one or two eyeshadow tutorials. Sigh, right now it all very much sucks and I haven't posted anything in over a week, partly because I haven't been able to think / find the motivation / time to do anything new, and partly because I've been concentrating actively harder on THIS blog rather than that one. But I need to get my ass in gear because damn it, beauty and makeup is something I'm very passionate about.
To my own detriment.
Mostly I'm a big fan of MAC makeup. It is wonderful, and I've even successfully applied for a MAC Pro membership which means I get 40% off when I order over the phone. So yay. And today two new collections came out. Which means today, I have even less money than the none I usually have. But I can't stop myself.
The thought of not getting BOTH of the beauty powders that HAVE THE SHAPE OF A ROSE BLOOM EMBOSSED ONTO IT OH MY GOD!! was just entirely inconceivable. I made my order and not ten minutes later was kicking myself for not getting that gorgeous pinkey-mauvey nail polish (which I then had to go on MAC's website to order separately even though I wouldn't be getting it discounted because god damn it, I had to have it)
This is why saving up for Canada and Mexico by September is going to be so fucking hard for me.
I can deal with not being able to get a laptop until the end of the year. I want a new, decent, super-high-res camera too, but I'm going to deal with my 2megapixel Fuji FinePix S5500 Zoom and my 5-megapixel Sony Cybershot cameraphone instead because hey, I can live without a professional-quality digital camera, right? A Canon or a Nikon can wait another year. I can even deal with the fact that the wardrobe that I can actually wear right now is limited to like four tank tops, two tee-shirts, two hoodies, two pairs of jeans, two pairs of work trousers, and maybe five work tops (a couple of which are too big but since I wear a cardigan you can't really tell). I mean, that amount of clothing is a fuck of a lot more than I had growing up (in high school I had like two or three pairs of plain black trousers, two tank tops, and like two tee-shirts. And a hand-me-down pair of sneakers, of which the sole of one had torn straight down the middle of the shoe all the way through and when I walked to school in hip-deep snow, I might as well have been walking fucking barefoot. I shit you not.) I can wait to go clothes shopping until I've lost weight, or at least until I've lost SOME weight and am in Canada and things are cheaper.
I can even put off getting bedroom furniture that I'm after (like a vanity table or storage units or a fucking mirror) or wanting to redecorate (the terra cotta carpet in the new house is hideous, for real).
But I can't put off buying makeup. Every month MAC has a new collection out, most of which are limited edition items. And immediately my brain goes into a frenzy and starts crunching numbers and firmly shouting at me that I HAVE TO GET THAT ITEM TOO OR THE WORLD WILL EXPLODE.
All of this is to say that I've bought makeup today that I know I don't need, but that I NEED with every fibre of my being.
And thank fucking god that my relationship with food is not this insane.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
Laptop Advice?
So. I'm bored and looking at laptops online. But I am also indecisive so I want your advice, ladies.
I want to get a laptop toward the end of the year, which means I'm going to spend the next six months researching laptops, probably. All the same, I'd like your input as to what YOU would get if you could / what you have and why you love it.
I'm currently debateing between:
A white MacBook, even though I have never used a Mac computer in my life (not counting junior high because I do not even remember those computers). The pluses? It's SO PRETTY. I've heard good things about them and did I mention they're gorgeous? And have a great built-in webcam which is good.
A Dell of some description, maybe their new one that comes in six colours. The plus here is that it is cheaper.
Maybe a Sony Vaio? I do not know.
Which should I go for? Ignore the fact that I'm not buying RIGHT THIS MINUTE, I still like to make my decisions before I spend half a year second-guessing them =]
I want to get a laptop toward the end of the year, which means I'm going to spend the next six months researching laptops, probably. All the same, I'd like your input as to what YOU would get if you could / what you have and why you love it.
I'm currently debateing between:
A white MacBook, even though I have never used a Mac computer in my life (not counting junior high because I do not even remember those computers). The pluses? It's SO PRETTY. I've heard good things about them and did I mention they're gorgeous? And have a great built-in webcam which is good.
A Dell of some description, maybe their new one that comes in six colours. The plus here is that it is cheaper.
Maybe a Sony Vaio? I do not know.
Which should I go for? Ignore the fact that I'm not buying RIGHT THIS MINUTE, I still like to make my decisions before I spend half a year second-guessing them =]
Monday, 4 May 2009
Fatigued! [and more tarot-ey goodness]
So, today started off kind of a busy day.
I was in a bad mood to start off with, mostly because I couldn't sleep at all last night, ugh. Then I had to get up and go to the mall with my aunts, because they needed to buy a new vacuum (long story short: ours broke, but we had my aunt's partner's brother's because he lives in Spain and we're buying their house and everything in the house comes with it and they told my aunts sure, take the vacuum. But they're back in the UK for a few weeks now and asked for it back so my aunt just had to go spent a hundred pounds on a new one, sigh)
God, okay, sidenote: just changed the batteries in my keyboard and I can finally type like a normal fucking human being again!!!
Anyway, so I also needed to get some birthday presents for my aunt's partner and my grandfather, plus birthday cards for both of them and one to send to my brother in Canada. I could not find a decent frigging graduation card, so I'm going to have to have another look sometime this week, but there's a nice store up the road from where I work that sells handmade ones so I might get one from there...
((another sidenote. An online friend just messaged me on AIM to say "catch ya tomorrow". I haven't spoken to her in over a week, why the hell start a conversation to say goodbye? Fucking weird ass people))
So I got J (aunt's partner's) present right off the bat. She's into Scrabble and has borrowed my DS version to take on holiday with her, so I bought her her own. It's her birthday while she's away and she'll have mine anyway but at least she'll have her own to keep her busy back home. And for my grandfather I got him a couple nice polo-neck tees from Mark and Spencers, because that's what he told me he wanted. Well, that was some confusion over that. At his house on Saturday he gestured to the top he was wearing and said "I just want some more of these" so fine, I thought, get him some short-sleeved tops. Then my aunt spent today convincing me that what he wanted was some sweatshirts, and that the long-sleeved top I got him for Christmas was a "thin sweater" but he was like a "jogging top" instead. And I was like, dude, I got him one of EACH of those kinds for Christmas, and anyway why the hell would he be asking me for more sweaters when it's almost summer, and this is a man who is almost always twenty degrees warmer than the average human being?
So we get to M&S and my aunt has me absolutely convinced he wants a thick sweater, and I'm going what the fuck. Of course, in May nowhere sells thick sweatshirts, just cardigans and thin long-sleeved tops. So I'm wandering around muttering about how this whole thing is retarded and wondering where the hell my aunt decided he meant a long-sleeved sweatshirt to begin with. So she said "well he said he wants some more sweaters" and I said "No, he pointed to what he was already wearing and said "some more of these tops"" and my aunt was like "oh, maybe it is then, but grandma said.. hangon I'll check"
So she called my grandparents' house and my grandfather answers the phone. She asked for my grandma, wanting to be all sly and not let him know we're shopping for him right now, but she was out and instead of just ASKING HIM WHAT HE WANTED she hung up. So I wanted to call back but didn't want to be an idiot, so I just went and bought him some nice short-sleeved tops instead. For. Fuck. Sakes.
Why did that have to be so god damn difficult?
After this we went and bought our respective birthday cards, and while I was waiting in line my aunt told me she'd meet me down at Argos because they were going to go buy a vacuum / wait for it to be brought out front from the storage area. So about two minutes later I was done and trekked down to Argos; and they're not fucking there. Do not get all impatient and tell me to meet you somewhere and then not be there! Like I said I was in a bad mood to begin with this morning, so by this point I was irritated and called my aunt to ask where she was. After ringing eighty times she picked up - I didn't think she would, earlier when she told me to meet her at HMV I called her 4 times to make sure she was still there and she didn't answer her phone - and told me she was in a shoe store. So I waited, and was still annoyed.
By this time, my back was starting to ache and I hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day and it was around 1:30 and I was super thirsty and had totally crashed. My blood sugar levels were probably close to zilch and I was getting a headache. After they ordered the vacuum though, we managed to get the fuck out of there.
In the car, I decided that since I was about to pass out, I'd make the pasta early. That way it would also be out of the way and I'd have the afternoon to digest it and hopefully get it out of my system before the dreaded weigh-in tomorrow morning. So we got home and I got cooking and the pasta was amazing, and then the aunts went for naps and I came to my room to chill and wound up doing a few of the Japanese lessons on my Rosetta Stone software (woot for learning!)
Just as I climbed into bed for a mid afternoon nap to supplement the lack of sleep last night, my aunt knocked on my door. They were heading to my aunt's partner's brother's house to take the vacuum back to them and my aunt asked me if I was going to have a bath tonight. Um, yeah. I tend to shower more often than have a bath, mostly because I'm incapable of having a bath that lasts under 45 minutes and sometimes it just seems like a waste of time. But the night before I have to go back to work - usually Sunday night but in this case today was a bank holiday so it's tonight - I have a long soak to relax and whatnot. So I said yes, and she asked me to have my bath while they were at the brother-in-law's house, so that J had time for a bath tonight.
So, there went my nap. I told her I had planned on having a nap but then of course they were banging around and I was wide awake so figured I might as well have a bath anyway. And that basically brings me to now. It's 6:45pm, I just got out of an hour-long bath, and I need to dry and straighten my hair for work tomorrow. But I'm so fucking dog tired all I want to do is climb into bed and pass out until my alarm goes off for work tomorrow. Of course, on the other side of that coin, I would never go to work without sorting my hair out, so the straightening, as huge a pain in my ass it is, needs to be done.
Once it is, I'll probably go pass out again.
God, that's a fuck of a lot of rambling about absolutely nothing, I apologies.
So now for something completely different.
I mentioned in my previous post some Tarot-ness. Once again my readings came up with a lot of stuff about self-control and goal-reaching and was all around pretty positive stuff. But by 2 this morning I was getting tired and couldn't be bothered with full spreads and card interpretations, so I did a series of Yes/No readings instead.
A Yes/No tarot reading is easy. Basically you shuffle your deck while concentrating on a straightforward yes or no question. Then, you turn over the top cards one by one until you get your answer. Generally speaking the yes and no cards are part of the major arcana, and a lot of people tend to use the Death or Devil cards as no, and something else for yes. I make it easier than that. Card 0 - The Fool, the first card in the major arcana, is my NO card. Card XXI - The World, the final card in the major arcana, is my YES card. Whichever card comes up first as you turn over the cards one by one from the shuffled deck, that's your answer.
And things meshed pretty well.
Question 1: Will I reach my goal of dropping 4stone by September? (4 stone is 56lbs by the way, which is significant to the following questions)
Answer: No
Disappointing but I moved on.
Question 2: Will I manage to lose 40lbs by September?
Answer: Yes
Question 3: Will I lose 50lbs by September?
Answer: No
That one I should have seen coming based on the first question, but I like it when the tarot gives you the same answers and reinforces your previous questions instead of giving you mixed signals.
Question 4: Will I lose 45lbs by September?
Answer: No
Final question: So then I will lose between 40-45lbs by September?
Answer: Yes
Which would be fucking AWESOME.
I don't rest ALL of my faith and expectations on the tarot, not by a long shot. But the possible insight is still pretty cool. And then to test it, I did a very lame reading. I asked the cards what time I would first wake up and look at my clock at this morning. The value of the card would equal the time. I did this twice and both times I got a card with the number 8 on the face. Last night I didn't sleep well and tossed and turned, but the first time I actually looked at the clock, it said 8:04.
Spooky no?
So, we'll see. Either way I'm determined and am going to make that 40-45 goal my MINIMUM goal, but I'm going to try to push myself to lose more and prove it wrong ;] Because I'm weird and a bit obsessive like that.
Anyway I need to stop procrastinating and do my hair.
As always, thanks for your comments dears (I don't know if you see, but I do reply to your comments, only I reply in my own comments section because posting back to your own blogs to me messes up the chain response/conversation and confuses me haha) and stay strong.
All my love!
Vee xox
I was in a bad mood to start off with, mostly because I couldn't sleep at all last night, ugh. Then I had to get up and go to the mall with my aunts, because they needed to buy a new vacuum (long story short: ours broke, but we had my aunt's partner's brother's because he lives in Spain and we're buying their house and everything in the house comes with it and they told my aunts sure, take the vacuum. But they're back in the UK for a few weeks now and asked for it back so my aunt just had to go spent a hundred pounds on a new one, sigh)
God, okay, sidenote: just changed the batteries in my keyboard and I can finally type like a normal fucking human being again!!!
Anyway, so I also needed to get some birthday presents for my aunt's partner and my grandfather, plus birthday cards for both of them and one to send to my brother in Canada. I could not find a decent frigging graduation card, so I'm going to have to have another look sometime this week, but there's a nice store up the road from where I work that sells handmade ones so I might get one from there...
((another sidenote. An online friend just messaged me on AIM to say "catch ya tomorrow". I haven't spoken to her in over a week, why the hell start a conversation to say goodbye? Fucking weird ass people))
So I got J (aunt's partner's) present right off the bat. She's into Scrabble and has borrowed my DS version to take on holiday with her, so I bought her her own. It's her birthday while she's away and she'll have mine anyway but at least she'll have her own to keep her busy back home. And for my grandfather I got him a couple nice polo-neck tees from Mark and Spencers, because that's what he told me he wanted. Well, that was some confusion over that. At his house on Saturday he gestured to the top he was wearing and said "I just want some more of these" so fine, I thought, get him some short-sleeved tops. Then my aunt spent today convincing me that what he wanted was some sweatshirts, and that the long-sleeved top I got him for Christmas was a "thin sweater" but he was like a "jogging top" instead. And I was like, dude, I got him one of EACH of those kinds for Christmas, and anyway why the hell would he be asking me for more sweaters when it's almost summer, and this is a man who is almost always twenty degrees warmer than the average human being?
So we get to M&S and my aunt has me absolutely convinced he wants a thick sweater, and I'm going what the fuck. Of course, in May nowhere sells thick sweatshirts, just cardigans and thin long-sleeved tops. So I'm wandering around muttering about how this whole thing is retarded and wondering where the hell my aunt decided he meant a long-sleeved sweatshirt to begin with. So she said "well he said he wants some more sweaters" and I said "No, he pointed to what he was already wearing and said "some more of these tops"" and my aunt was like "oh, maybe it is then, but grandma said.. hangon I'll check"
So she called my grandparents' house and my grandfather answers the phone. She asked for my grandma, wanting to be all sly and not let him know we're shopping for him right now, but she was out and instead of just ASKING HIM WHAT HE WANTED she hung up. So I wanted to call back but didn't want to be an idiot, so I just went and bought him some nice short-sleeved tops instead. For. Fuck. Sakes.
Why did that have to be so god damn difficult?
After this we went and bought our respective birthday cards, and while I was waiting in line my aunt told me she'd meet me down at Argos because they were going to go buy a vacuum / wait for it to be brought out front from the storage area. So about two minutes later I was done and trekked down to Argos; and they're not fucking there. Do not get all impatient and tell me to meet you somewhere and then not be there! Like I said I was in a bad mood to begin with this morning, so by this point I was irritated and called my aunt to ask where she was. After ringing eighty times she picked up - I didn't think she would, earlier when she told me to meet her at HMV I called her 4 times to make sure she was still there and she didn't answer her phone - and told me she was in a shoe store. So I waited, and was still annoyed.
By this time, my back was starting to ache and I hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day and it was around 1:30 and I was super thirsty and had totally crashed. My blood sugar levels were probably close to zilch and I was getting a headache. After they ordered the vacuum though, we managed to get the fuck out of there.
In the car, I decided that since I was about to pass out, I'd make the pasta early. That way it would also be out of the way and I'd have the afternoon to digest it and hopefully get it out of my system before the dreaded weigh-in tomorrow morning. So we got home and I got cooking and the pasta was amazing, and then the aunts went for naps and I came to my room to chill and wound up doing a few of the Japanese lessons on my Rosetta Stone software (woot for learning!)
Just as I climbed into bed for a mid afternoon nap to supplement the lack of sleep last night, my aunt knocked on my door. They were heading to my aunt's partner's brother's house to take the vacuum back to them and my aunt asked me if I was going to have a bath tonight. Um, yeah. I tend to shower more often than have a bath, mostly because I'm incapable of having a bath that lasts under 45 minutes and sometimes it just seems like a waste of time. But the night before I have to go back to work - usually Sunday night but in this case today was a bank holiday so it's tonight - I have a long soak to relax and whatnot. So I said yes, and she asked me to have my bath while they were at the brother-in-law's house, so that J had time for a bath tonight.
So, there went my nap. I told her I had planned on having a nap but then of course they were banging around and I was wide awake so figured I might as well have a bath anyway. And that basically brings me to now. It's 6:45pm, I just got out of an hour-long bath, and I need to dry and straighten my hair for work tomorrow. But I'm so fucking dog tired all I want to do is climb into bed and pass out until my alarm goes off for work tomorrow. Of course, on the other side of that coin, I would never go to work without sorting my hair out, so the straightening, as huge a pain in my ass it is, needs to be done.
Once it is, I'll probably go pass out again.
God, that's a fuck of a lot of rambling about absolutely nothing, I apologies.
So now for something completely different.
I mentioned in my previous post some Tarot-ness. Once again my readings came up with a lot of stuff about self-control and goal-reaching and was all around pretty positive stuff. But by 2 this morning I was getting tired and couldn't be bothered with full spreads and card interpretations, so I did a series of Yes/No readings instead.
A Yes/No tarot reading is easy. Basically you shuffle your deck while concentrating on a straightforward yes or no question. Then, you turn over the top cards one by one until you get your answer. Generally speaking the yes and no cards are part of the major arcana, and a lot of people tend to use the Death or Devil cards as no, and something else for yes. I make it easier than that. Card 0 - The Fool, the first card in the major arcana, is my NO card. Card XXI - The World, the final card in the major arcana, is my YES card. Whichever card comes up first as you turn over the cards one by one from the shuffled deck, that's your answer.
And things meshed pretty well.
Question 1: Will I reach my goal of dropping 4stone by September? (4 stone is 56lbs by the way, which is significant to the following questions)
Answer: No
Disappointing but I moved on.
Question 2: Will I manage to lose 40lbs by September?
Answer: Yes
Question 3: Will I lose 50lbs by September?
Answer: No
That one I should have seen coming based on the first question, but I like it when the tarot gives you the same answers and reinforces your previous questions instead of giving you mixed signals.
Question 4: Will I lose 45lbs by September?
Answer: No
Final question: So then I will lose between 40-45lbs by September?
Answer: Yes
Which would be fucking AWESOME.
I don't rest ALL of my faith and expectations on the tarot, not by a long shot. But the possible insight is still pretty cool. And then to test it, I did a very lame reading. I asked the cards what time I would first wake up and look at my clock at this morning. The value of the card would equal the time. I did this twice and both times I got a card with the number 8 on the face. Last night I didn't sleep well and tossed and turned, but the first time I actually looked at the clock, it said 8:04.
Spooky no?
So, we'll see. Either way I'm determined and am going to make that 40-45 goal my MINIMUM goal, but I'm going to try to push myself to lose more and prove it wrong ;] Because I'm weird and a bit obsessive like that.
Anyway I need to stop procrastinating and do my hair.
As always, thanks for your comments dears (I don't know if you see, but I do reply to your comments, only I reply in my own comments section because posting back to your own blogs to me messes up the chain response/conversation and confuses me haha) and stay strong.
All my love!
Vee xox
Sunday, 3 May 2009
You and Me and the Devil Makes Three
Today was good and bad.
The good points:
Although we had Indian takeout last night, I didn't eat much of mine and stayed the same weight from yesterday, which was a surprise. So today I'm still 194, which is a fucking hell of a lot better than gaining.
I went to Makro with my aunts this afternoon... I don't know if they have Makro in America but essentially it's very similar to like Costco, where you buy things in bulk and they profess to be way cheaper, until you realize you've got to add your 15% VAT on top of that (in England, prices in most places already include VAT so what you see on a price tag is what you pay at the till. Not so at Makro), so in the end you wind up saving very little. It's a very good marketing ploy though, and I bet they make tons of money.
Anyway, my aunts just went for some laundry detergent and some soap and OXO stock cubes to take to the owners of a pub they go to in Spain (they have a time share for two weeks every year in May and have made friends with these people, who are from England, so when they go they take back a couple things that they miss and can't get over there.) As we were checking out, the older lady at the till scanned the package of Imperial Leather soap and asked me "So is that your secret?" and told me I have lovely perfect skin. I laughed it off and said hell no, I use Clinique and she was like "My sister uses Clinque but she doesn't look like you!"
Obviously, that comment totally made my fucking day. What I SHOULD have said to her is "My skin looks perfect due to much MAC concealer and foundation, thankyouverymuch, but at least it's doing its job!"
The funny thing is, this comes the day after I get my hair cut and coloured (another plus for this weekend, by the way). I usually get some blonde highlights on the top/sides and around the front, but this time I wanted to really lighten my hair up so I got lots of blonde highlights all over. And it looks amazing. It sounds dumb but I swear to God, people do seem to notice me a lot more when I'm blonder. For better or worse, I'm not sure yet.
Anyway. Those are the good points.
The major bad point is that I'll probably have gained tomorrow. Which makes me sad.
I did pretty well today, but not well enough. I had a couple of pieces of warm garlic naan bread with some hummus. It doesn't sound bad but... Hummus always feel like such a dirty indulgence to me and although I love it, I ALWAYS feel guilty when I've had it. In the evening my aunts and I were watching a movie (The Ruins) and I was craving nachos with melted cheese and salsa, but had a little organic coffee ice cream instead. And a few chocolate-covered Brazil nuts.
It feels a lot worse than it sounds to write it. Maybe I'm deluded and think it's not all that much, when really it is. I guess the scales tomorrow will tell.
Although - and this is probably too much information, but whatever - I've been feeling really consipated today, and yesterday. So maybe I'm slightly lighter than the scales are showing, and when that passes I'll drop another pound or so?
Wishful thinking. I know, it's bad. But I can't help but hope.
I'm kind of looking forward to going back to work on Tuesday. The weekends are always worse for me, because my aunts are always around. At work, I can get away with not eating all day, even if I work until 6:30. And by that time, I can usually tell my aunts I ate already or have something small when I get home. But on the weekends there's almost always some level of pressure. Like, they decide it will be nice to make a Sunday Dinner (England has its traditions, like nice sit-down family meals on Sundays, which are usually a roast of some kind but not always), or having one of my favourite meals ready when I get home from work.
I appreciate the sentiment, but I wish they wouldn't.
Twelve weeks. My aunt's waiting list for her surgery is twelve weeks.
If I can make it until then without slipping up, I'll be down to the home stretch.
I can do it. WE can do it.
And I don't need surgery to stop myself.
Starve on.
Vee xox
The good points:
Although we had Indian takeout last night, I didn't eat much of mine and stayed the same weight from yesterday, which was a surprise. So today I'm still 194, which is a fucking hell of a lot better than gaining.
I went to Makro with my aunts this afternoon... I don't know if they have Makro in America but essentially it's very similar to like Costco, where you buy things in bulk and they profess to be way cheaper, until you realize you've got to add your 15% VAT on top of that (in England, prices in most places already include VAT so what you see on a price tag is what you pay at the till. Not so at Makro), so in the end you wind up saving very little. It's a very good marketing ploy though, and I bet they make tons of money.
Anyway, my aunts just went for some laundry detergent and some soap and OXO stock cubes to take to the owners of a pub they go to in Spain (they have a time share for two weeks every year in May and have made friends with these people, who are from England, so when they go they take back a couple things that they miss and can't get over there.) As we were checking out, the older lady at the till scanned the package of Imperial Leather soap and asked me "So is that your secret?" and told me I have lovely perfect skin. I laughed it off and said hell no, I use Clinique and she was like "My sister uses Clinque but she doesn't look like you!"
Obviously, that comment totally made my fucking day. What I SHOULD have said to her is "My skin looks perfect due to much MAC concealer and foundation, thankyouverymuch, but at least it's doing its job!"
The funny thing is, this comes the day after I get my hair cut and coloured (another plus for this weekend, by the way). I usually get some blonde highlights on the top/sides and around the front, but this time I wanted to really lighten my hair up so I got lots of blonde highlights all over. And it looks amazing. It sounds dumb but I swear to God, people do seem to notice me a lot more when I'm blonder. For better or worse, I'm not sure yet.
Anyway. Those are the good points.
The major bad point is that I'll probably have gained tomorrow. Which makes me sad.
I did pretty well today, but not well enough. I had a couple of pieces of warm garlic naan bread with some hummus. It doesn't sound bad but... Hummus always feel like such a dirty indulgence to me and although I love it, I ALWAYS feel guilty when I've had it. In the evening my aunts and I were watching a movie (The Ruins) and I was craving nachos with melted cheese and salsa, but had a little organic coffee ice cream instead. And a few chocolate-covered Brazil nuts.
It feels a lot worse than it sounds to write it. Maybe I'm deluded and think it's not all that much, when really it is. I guess the scales tomorrow will tell.
Although - and this is probably too much information, but whatever - I've been feeling really consipated today, and yesterday. So maybe I'm slightly lighter than the scales are showing, and when that passes I'll drop another pound or so?
Wishful thinking. I know, it's bad. But I can't help but hope.
I'm kind of looking forward to going back to work on Tuesday. The weekends are always worse for me, because my aunts are always around. At work, I can get away with not eating all day, even if I work until 6:30. And by that time, I can usually tell my aunts I ate already or have something small when I get home. But on the weekends there's almost always some level of pressure. Like, they decide it will be nice to make a Sunday Dinner (England has its traditions, like nice sit-down family meals on Sundays, which are usually a roast of some kind but not always), or having one of my favourite meals ready when I get home from work.
I appreciate the sentiment, but I wish they wouldn't.
Twelve weeks. My aunt's waiting list for her surgery is twelve weeks.
If I can make it until then without slipping up, I'll be down to the home stretch.
I can do it. WE can do it.
And I don't need surgery to stop myself.
Starve on.
Vee xox
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Euphoric - And Shopping!
Starvation is Euphoria.
I feel enlightened. I feel calm and contented. I feel weak, but it’s such a good feeling.
I can feel my body consuming itself.
I'm in such a good mood. Seriously. It's so strange, because my depression is probably a large contributing factor to my whole "disordered eating habits" or whatever you want to call it** but while I'm doing it, restricting or fasting or anything short of eating normally/bingeing... I feel happier. I feel such a strange contentment and almost a sense of smugness. Like, I'm doing this and it's working and.. I don't know. The only problem is, it's never fast enough, as I'm sure you ALL know.
Still, it's only when I severely restrict or am fasting that I feel this way. It seems to go hand-in-hand with the weakness and physical exhaustion side. But, I like those feelings too, the ones that most people say are negatives. I *like* feeling week and tired. I like it when the walk up my 13 stairs to bed at night feel like climbing a mountain.
Or maybe I'm just delirious from having nothing but a handful of Doritos in more than 36 hours. =]
Are any of you guys like this? I know that even if I had the willpower to fast for say, 10 days, 20 days, etc without stopping, eventually the feeling of euphoria would probably wear off and depression would rear it's ugly head. But right now is such a good feeling, it makes me not want to stop.
And I shouldn't stop, not really. So I'm not going to (not at least until next weekend, when I'm going to HAVE TO go to dinner with my family for my birthday, but I'll get a salad or some fish or something). I'm going to restrict and restrict some more and try desperately to really fast.
Today I've had nothing, save for some water and 1 cup of strawberry tea. I just bought a bottle of lemon juice - I might try having some hot, sweet lemon water. Hmm. Anyway. I went to Tesco and got the supplies I need to make some Braised Lettuce (approx 30kcals give or take) [The recipe is now up at my other blog, thanks to my darling dearest K =]] and I'm adding a little tabasco sauce for flavour and a little chopped celery I think. Mmm. It's sounding really yummy.
I also got some sea salt and some lemons and lemon juice to do a saltwater flush. It probably won't be tonight since I'm having the braised lettuce tonight and you shouldn't do it with food in your stomach or you'll just be sick. So I'm aiming at tomorrow or Thursday.
I was originally going to fast yesterday and today so that I felt as thought I'd "earned" some lasagne from my work canteen at lunchtime tomorrow. Instead, I bought a package of sushi which I'm going to nibble on throughout the day tomorrow, and that's all I'm having. It's around 350kcals but that's still not too high, and I figure the lasagne would have had like 600+++ since my canteen cooks everything in oil and grease and more oil =/
Finally, I bought a couple more magazines. Elle and Glamour. Last week I bought Cosmopolitan, Vogue, and In Style. There is some serious thinspiration in these mags, and it helps that I'm a beauty junkie (not that you'd know to look at me, the only thing I've been making an effort with lately is my makeup and kind of my skincare, I desperately need to go clothes shopping, but I'm going to try to wait until I go to Canada because A: it will be cheaper and B: I will be skinner and C: I've got a couple shopping sprees planning with a friend when I go there so I might as well save my money now and blow it on fun times with N in Canada instead.
Such a long post. Originally this was just going to be the first parts about Starvation-Induced-Euphoria but oh well.
I hope you are all having a fabulous day. Love you lots!
Vee xox
**Obese people are not anorexic, not until they reach a healthy weight and KEEP GOING. At least that's how I look at it. I realize I am disordered, EDNOS if you will, but I think it's an insult to the anorexic community to call somebody who weighs 195lbs with a BMI of 31 one of them.
I feel enlightened. I feel calm and contented. I feel weak, but it’s such a good feeling.
I can feel my body consuming itself.
I'm in such a good mood. Seriously. It's so strange, because my depression is probably a large contributing factor to my whole "disordered eating habits" or whatever you want to call it** but while I'm doing it, restricting or fasting or anything short of eating normally/bingeing... I feel happier. I feel such a strange contentment and almost a sense of smugness. Like, I'm doing this and it's working and.. I don't know. The only problem is, it's never fast enough, as I'm sure you ALL know.
Still, it's only when I severely restrict or am fasting that I feel this way. It seems to go hand-in-hand with the weakness and physical exhaustion side. But, I like those feelings too, the ones that most people say are negatives. I *like* feeling week and tired. I like it when the walk up my 13 stairs to bed at night feel like climbing a mountain.
Or maybe I'm just delirious from having nothing but a handful of Doritos in more than 36 hours. =]
Are any of you guys like this? I know that even if I had the willpower to fast for say, 10 days, 20 days, etc without stopping, eventually the feeling of euphoria would probably wear off and depression would rear it's ugly head. But right now is such a good feeling, it makes me not want to stop.
And I shouldn't stop, not really. So I'm not going to (not at least until next weekend, when I'm going to HAVE TO go to dinner with my family for my birthday, but I'll get a salad or some fish or something). I'm going to restrict and restrict some more and try desperately to really fast.
Today I've had nothing, save for some water and 1 cup of strawberry tea. I just bought a bottle of lemon juice - I might try having some hot, sweet lemon water. Hmm. Anyway. I went to Tesco and got the supplies I need to make some Braised Lettuce (approx 30kcals give or take) [The recipe is now up at my other blog, thanks to my darling dearest K =]] and I'm adding a little tabasco sauce for flavour and a little chopped celery I think. Mmm. It's sounding really yummy.
I also got some sea salt and some lemons and lemon juice to do a saltwater flush. It probably won't be tonight since I'm having the braised lettuce tonight and you shouldn't do it with food in your stomach or you'll just be sick. So I'm aiming at tomorrow or Thursday.
I was originally going to fast yesterday and today so that I felt as thought I'd "earned" some lasagne from my work canteen at lunchtime tomorrow. Instead, I bought a package of sushi which I'm going to nibble on throughout the day tomorrow, and that's all I'm having. It's around 350kcals but that's still not too high, and I figure the lasagne would have had like 600+++ since my canteen cooks everything in oil and grease and more oil =/
Finally, I bought a couple more magazines. Elle and Glamour. Last week I bought Cosmopolitan, Vogue, and In Style. There is some serious thinspiration in these mags, and it helps that I'm a beauty junkie (not that you'd know to look at me, the only thing I've been making an effort with lately is my makeup and kind of my skincare, I desperately need to go clothes shopping, but I'm going to try to wait until I go to Canada because A: it will be cheaper and B: I will be skinner and C: I've got a couple shopping sprees planning with a friend when I go there so I might as well save my money now and blow it on fun times with N in Canada instead.
Such a long post. Originally this was just going to be the first parts about Starvation-Induced-Euphoria but oh well.
I hope you are all having a fabulous day. Love you lots!
Vee xox
**Obese people are not anorexic, not until they reach a healthy weight and KEEP GOING. At least that's how I look at it. I realize I am disordered, EDNOS if you will, but I think it's an insult to the anorexic community to call somebody who weighs 195lbs with a BMI of 31 one of them.
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