Today is boring as hell. Checked out of our room around 11, bought some super nice jewellery (a ring and some earrings) from the gift shop at the hotel that I'd been eyeing both here and at various shops since I got here (will post pics later <3)
Since then we've been sitting around in the lobby waiting for our coach to pick us up to take us to the airport. The coach doesn't come until 4:30, it's only 3 now, and we've already been waiting for HOURS. The Travel Folk decided to go for lunch a little under an hour ago, and I had three pieces of the most disgusting tortellini I've ever tasted (which nearly made me sick and was in a nacho cheese sauce. Barf). And then my aunt made me eat two pieces of her super-small club sandwich-on-toast, since she saw me eat three pieces of pasta... nearly made me order desset but I resisted and said my stomach was still feeling upset and I was feeling ill and didn't want to, so got out of that. Breakfast was a couple breakfast sausages and maybe one scrambled egg. Equally gross, and I felt physically sick. I took some French toast with fried bananas for show but didn't have a single bite =]
Really looking forward to starting ABC on New Year's now.
But in the meantime I might actually DIE from the boredom I'm feeling right now. It's 3, but it's another 5+ hours until the flight. And I only have an hour of internet time left, and 3 hours on my laptop battery. I might save it so I can watch a movie at the airport or on the plane.. Siiiigh.
Hope you're all doing okay. Stay strong!
Vee xox
Showing posts with label Roundup. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Roundup. Show all posts
Monday, 21 December 2009
Friday, 31 July 2009
Been better, been worse
So!
Met my aunts at the vet after work (they had taken one of their cats for a checkup and, as they were expecting, the vet put her on a diet because she's rather largeish) as it's on my bus route and they were there when I passed. Long story short, decided to have a little Chinese food. Because this week went so well I didn't feel too bad about it, so I got some sweet and sour pork and took off most of the sauce. Didn't overdo it, but... felt really sick afterward. I dunno if it was a psychological reaction or if there was something off with it. But I felt really horrible - except I physically couldn't be sick even though I was ridiculously nauseous at the same time.
So, I decided to have a bath to relax a little (throughout the day I've developed a medium-bad headache and my neck is fucking stiff and hurting too). Wound up dozing off in there, and then dreaming I was going down a big flight of stairs but tripped on the way down and FLAILED. Haha I hate that, when you're asleep and then dream you fall or something and your entire body jolts. I splashed water over the edge of the tub and I'm surprised my aunt didn't start banging on the door asking if I'd drowned myself. So I hurried up to get out of the bath, the nausea wasn't goin away and now I was just tired from the hot water. Got out, wrapped myself and hair in towels, and then went to rinse the tub out to get rid of soap residue and shit.
Leaning over the tub with the shower head in hand I started feeling really faint and horrible and yucky and honestly thought I was going to pass out and bash my head on the counter or something. So I quickly relocated to my room where I downed a tall glass of cold coke zero to try to regulate my temperature a little, and flopped on my bed while I waited for the world to stop spinning. The awkward angle from my wet hair in the towel was making my neck hurt more though so after about 20 minutes I got up to start drying it.
So, I was okay about the slightly higher intake until that. I'm not feeling so bad now thank god, head and neck are still hurting and I feel a bit nauseous but not a huge deal. Now, I'm thinking maybe it was a gut reaction to OMGFOODWHATTHEFUCK, which has made me more determined to watch myself tomorrow night, because I do not want this to happen again, it's not worth it. I dunno if it WAS that though, because I didn't really binge. I dunno, we'll see.
I feel like I should feel guiltier about the pork than I do. I guess I rationalized it by saying this was a really good week, plus it's something I usually goooorge myself on and I didn't so I'm feeling proud about that =]
Tomorrow night... We're not meeting until 7, having drinks and then eating at 7:30 so I've got a whole day to burn off calories. I reorganized my room yesterday afternoon so I think tomorrow I might spend some quality time with my treadmill to get a head start too, so the weekend's damage is even less =]
I did have a rather telling conversation with my aunt tonight though. It was under the pretense of a sarcastic jokey conversation but still. It's clear that my aunt is somehow under the impression that her weight loss surgery is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT to starving yourself.
Her: Are you eating that Chinese food??
Me: Yes, yes I am, a little of it anyway.
Her: Okay but don't come crying to me when J and I are nice and slim and you're jealous of our bodies (and yet people will wonder why I have a complex if they ever found out!)
Me: Pff, I haven't done too bad on my diet, so I don't think so.
Her: Yeah but you'll lose it slower.
Me: Well yeah, but at least I'm losing it. I COULD just stop eating entirely and lose as much as you guys do.
Her: Yes but then that's anorexia and that's not healthy.
Me: Dude it's no different from what you're doing. It's just anorexia with surgery to make it stick.
Her: Yes but I'm doing it with the surgery, with vitamins and B12 shots to keep me healthy
Me: Yeah but to be fair I already take a multivitamin (and my Centrum has a hell of a lot more nutrients than her pussy chewable one)
Her: That's not the point though, anorexia weakens your heart and blah blah blah and puts you at risk of a heart attack. If you just stopped eating I'd have you sectioned for being stupid.
Yeah. So she can have elective surgery so starve her body skinny, but if she ever found out I had an eating disorder she would immediately shove me in a psych ward or something. Thanks. This just reinforces why you can never fucking tell anyone. She should be the ONE PERSON who gets it, but she's as closedminded as the rest.
So of course I laughed it off and said how I'd much rather lose weight the safe and right way, thanksverymuch. Sigh.
I dunno, that conversation really annoyed me. It's so fucking hypocritical. To be honest, I knew it and expected it, but while we were having the conversation my mind kept going WHAT! ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
I don't think she's got any idea though, I was pretending to have a stab at her for being "enforced anorexic" and then we got into a conversation about the surgery and stuff, but I can't really remember the rest of it because I was fuming and thinking, dude, I can't wait to go blog about this.
I'm gonna go take some painkillers and lie down a bit now. My stomach has mostly settled down as I've written this, but my head and neck are killlling!
Have a great one folks!
ps: no calories for today. I do know difinitively that I had 70 calories while at work, but I have no idea how much would have been in the chunks of pork I ate tonight so I'm not even going to hazard a guess. I'll just burn extra tomorrow to compensate. =]
Met my aunts at the vet after work (they had taken one of their cats for a checkup and, as they were expecting, the vet put her on a diet because she's rather largeish) as it's on my bus route and they were there when I passed. Long story short, decided to have a little Chinese food. Because this week went so well I didn't feel too bad about it, so I got some sweet and sour pork and took off most of the sauce. Didn't overdo it, but... felt really sick afterward. I dunno if it was a psychological reaction or if there was something off with it. But I felt really horrible - except I physically couldn't be sick even though I was ridiculously nauseous at the same time.
So, I decided to have a bath to relax a little (throughout the day I've developed a medium-bad headache and my neck is fucking stiff and hurting too). Wound up dozing off in there, and then dreaming I was going down a big flight of stairs but tripped on the way down and FLAILED. Haha I hate that, when you're asleep and then dream you fall or something and your entire body jolts. I splashed water over the edge of the tub and I'm surprised my aunt didn't start banging on the door asking if I'd drowned myself. So I hurried up to get out of the bath, the nausea wasn't goin away and now I was just tired from the hot water. Got out, wrapped myself and hair in towels, and then went to rinse the tub out to get rid of soap residue and shit.
Leaning over the tub with the shower head in hand I started feeling really faint and horrible and yucky and honestly thought I was going to pass out and bash my head on the counter or something. So I quickly relocated to my room where I downed a tall glass of cold coke zero to try to regulate my temperature a little, and flopped on my bed while I waited for the world to stop spinning. The awkward angle from my wet hair in the towel was making my neck hurt more though so after about 20 minutes I got up to start drying it.
So, I was okay about the slightly higher intake until that. I'm not feeling so bad now thank god, head and neck are still hurting and I feel a bit nauseous but not a huge deal. Now, I'm thinking maybe it was a gut reaction to OMGFOODWHATTHEFUCK, which has made me more determined to watch myself tomorrow night, because I do not want this to happen again, it's not worth it. I dunno if it WAS that though, because I didn't really binge. I dunno, we'll see.
I feel like I should feel guiltier about the pork than I do. I guess I rationalized it by saying this was a really good week, plus it's something I usually goooorge myself on and I didn't so I'm feeling proud about that =]
Tomorrow night... We're not meeting until 7, having drinks and then eating at 7:30 so I've got a whole day to burn off calories. I reorganized my room yesterday afternoon so I think tomorrow I might spend some quality time with my treadmill to get a head start too, so the weekend's damage is even less =]
I did have a rather telling conversation with my aunt tonight though. It was under the pretense of a sarcastic jokey conversation but still. It's clear that my aunt is somehow under the impression that her weight loss surgery is ENTIRELY DIFFERENT to starving yourself.
Her: Are you eating that Chinese food??
Me: Yes, yes I am, a little of it anyway.
Her: Okay but don't come crying to me when J and I are nice and slim and you're jealous of our bodies (and yet people will wonder why I have a complex if they ever found out!)
Me: Pff, I haven't done too bad on my diet, so I don't think so.
Her: Yeah but you'll lose it slower.
Me: Well yeah, but at least I'm losing it. I COULD just stop eating entirely and lose as much as you guys do.
Her: Yes but then that's anorexia and that's not healthy.
Me: Dude it's no different from what you're doing. It's just anorexia with surgery to make it stick.
Her: Yes but I'm doing it with the surgery, with vitamins and B12 shots to keep me healthy
Me: Yeah but to be fair I already take a multivitamin (and my Centrum has a hell of a lot more nutrients than her pussy chewable one)
Her: That's not the point though, anorexia weakens your heart and blah blah blah and puts you at risk of a heart attack. If you just stopped eating I'd have you sectioned for being stupid.
Yeah. So she can have elective surgery so starve her body skinny, but if she ever found out I had an eating disorder she would immediately shove me in a psych ward or something. Thanks. This just reinforces why you can never fucking tell anyone. She should be the ONE PERSON who gets it, but she's as closedminded as the rest.
So of course I laughed it off and said how I'd much rather lose weight the safe and right way, thanksverymuch. Sigh.
I dunno, that conversation really annoyed me. It's so fucking hypocritical. To be honest, I knew it and expected it, but while we were having the conversation my mind kept going WHAT! ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
I don't think she's got any idea though, I was pretending to have a stab at her for being "enforced anorexic" and then we got into a conversation about the surgery and stuff, but I can't really remember the rest of it because I was fuming and thinking, dude, I can't wait to go blog about this.
I'm gonna go take some painkillers and lie down a bit now. My stomach has mostly settled down as I've written this, but my head and neck are killlling!
Have a great one folks!
ps: no calories for today. I do know difinitively that I had 70 calories while at work, but I have no idea how much would have been in the chunks of pork I ate tonight so I'm not even going to hazard a guess. I'll just burn extra tomorrow to compensate. =]
Thursday, 30 July 2009
Slight change of plan
So, I got home from work and went to get a 10-calorie soup for dinner, only to realize I don't have any left. I have one or two in my desk at work but none at home >.< Soo I had the next best thing out of what I had at home.. 220 calorie frozen shepherd's pie. Which tastes amazing, I might add, and for 220 calories I could probably live on nothing but one of them a day and be happy...
But anyway. That pushed the daily total up to 310. It's no 100 but it's still damn good I think. Tomorrow at work I'm just having grapes again.. I think if I leave them any longer they'll go yucky, and I won't be having them Saturday since ALL I'm having Saturday is the Indian food and whatever alcohol at night. I want to fast on Sunday but since we're all at home it's going to be hard to do it without my aunts noticing. HOPEfully I'll be able to get to the store tomorrow to stock up on some more 10-calorie soups. If not, I've got some oxo chicken stock cubes that are like 12 calories each so I can make a cup of "soup" and pass that off at something. Although my aunt's been known to tell me soup is not enough (even though she herself often just has a 100-calorie cup of soup for dinner anyway? The hypocrisy kills me sometimes)
Still, I'm down 4lbs from the beginning of the week, so I can't REALLY complain =] I'm anticipating another half-pound drop tomorrow and if I can drop another half by Saturday morning that means I'll be down the 5lbs I'd been aiming for. Which is definitely good. Saturday night will probably do some damage but I'm staying positive in my ability to stay strong and not overindulge in the calories. And keep reminding myself that any damage inflicted will easily be erased again next week. =] Luckily, S and L both know I'm trying to save my cash for my trips right now so I'll be able to get out of any other outings other than just wandering around the mall or window shopping in town for the rest of the month. Then I'm off to Canada for two weeks.
It's the trip to Canada that I'm a little concerned about. My mom is already planning to make all of my favourite foods, plus there is poutine there and some amazing ice cream place my best friend V wants to take me to. Everything in moderation, Vee.
Luckily, one of my friends, we'll call her N since that's what her name starts with (I think I'm going to have to put up a legend on my sidebar or something to keep these all straight), that I've recently reconnected with after being out of touch for ten years... I'll be doing a lot of shopping with her, and she's VERY weight conscious. So, it won't look odd when we go shopping and decide to go to lunch and I decide I just want a small salad. And I might be able to hit the gym with her, if you just pay to get in instead of having to have a monthly membership.
See, when we were kids, she was pretty huge. I knew her basically all through elementary school. She was taller than the rest of the kids, but she was also pretty overweight. People used to make fun of her and there were rumours going around the school when we were only 10 years old that she was a member of Jenny Craig. Really shitty, cruel stuff. But we were friends.
Then apparently she busted her ass getting in shape because when I stumbled across her facebook page last year, I honest to God didn't recognize her. I was staring at the thumbnail picture and the "you have 17 friends in common" and thinking "was that N's last name? Oh my god, that is so not the same person!" Instead of the trainwreck she was when we were kids, she looks like a Bollywood star now. She wears designer clothes and looks amaaazing. Plus she's so pretty!
That's what I want. People to look at me in a few months' time and go "...wow is that the same person? YOU LOOK AMAZING" you know? It won't be this time obviously but I'm supposed to go to Canada again next September and that is what I'm aiming for. Shock and surprise and awe.
Anyway. N isn't disordered, unless you consider the fact that she's addicted to food. She had to bust her ass at a gym doing cardio every day for the fat to slowly melt off. She said she's really struggled with her weight, at one point she gained it all back and had to start over, and she fluctuates by about 20lbs at any given time. But she looks amazing. And I am ridiculously jealous.
But anyway, I'm completely off topic, haha. I wish I had her dedication to the gym. Hopefully when I get back from Canada I'll have enough spare money to re-join the gym by work so I can stop by every day for an hour or two before heading home. Just need to get my finances sorted out so I can do it (my gym costs £50 a month haha)
Anyway, today turned out to be a pretty good day even though my plans were changed slightly. Tomorrow is Friday so it's automatically a great day. And while I'm not looking forward to the calories involved on Saturday, I'm very much looking forward to seeing S and L. We get together every week or two, and we didn't see eachother last weekend so it feels like FOREVERRR.
Anyway. Hope you guys are all having a good day. Stay strong!
Vee xox
But anyway. That pushed the daily total up to 310. It's no 100 but it's still damn good I think. Tomorrow at work I'm just having grapes again.. I think if I leave them any longer they'll go yucky, and I won't be having them Saturday since ALL I'm having Saturday is the Indian food and whatever alcohol at night. I want to fast on Sunday but since we're all at home it's going to be hard to do it without my aunts noticing. HOPEfully I'll be able to get to the store tomorrow to stock up on some more 10-calorie soups. If not, I've got some oxo chicken stock cubes that are like 12 calories each so I can make a cup of "soup" and pass that off at something. Although my aunt's been known to tell me soup is not enough (even though she herself often just has a 100-calorie cup of soup for dinner anyway? The hypocrisy kills me sometimes)
Still, I'm down 4lbs from the beginning of the week, so I can't REALLY complain =] I'm anticipating another half-pound drop tomorrow and if I can drop another half by Saturday morning that means I'll be down the 5lbs I'd been aiming for. Which is definitely good. Saturday night will probably do some damage but I'm staying positive in my ability to stay strong and not overindulge in the calories. And keep reminding myself that any damage inflicted will easily be erased again next week. =] Luckily, S and L both know I'm trying to save my cash for my trips right now so I'll be able to get out of any other outings other than just wandering around the mall or window shopping in town for the rest of the month. Then I'm off to Canada for two weeks.
It's the trip to Canada that I'm a little concerned about. My mom is already planning to make all of my favourite foods, plus there is poutine there and some amazing ice cream place my best friend V wants to take me to. Everything in moderation, Vee.
Luckily, one of my friends, we'll call her N since that's what her name starts with (I think I'm going to have to put up a legend on my sidebar or something to keep these all straight), that I've recently reconnected with after being out of touch for ten years... I'll be doing a lot of shopping with her, and she's VERY weight conscious. So, it won't look odd when we go shopping and decide to go to lunch and I decide I just want a small salad. And I might be able to hit the gym with her, if you just pay to get in instead of having to have a monthly membership.
See, when we were kids, she was pretty huge. I knew her basically all through elementary school. She was taller than the rest of the kids, but she was also pretty overweight. People used to make fun of her and there were rumours going around the school when we were only 10 years old that she was a member of Jenny Craig. Really shitty, cruel stuff. But we were friends.
Then apparently she busted her ass getting in shape because when I stumbled across her facebook page last year, I honest to God didn't recognize her. I was staring at the thumbnail picture and the "you have 17 friends in common" and thinking "was that N's last name? Oh my god, that is so not the same person!" Instead of the trainwreck she was when we were kids, she looks like a Bollywood star now. She wears designer clothes and looks amaaazing. Plus she's so pretty!
That's what I want. People to look at me in a few months' time and go "...wow is that the same person? YOU LOOK AMAZING" you know? It won't be this time obviously but I'm supposed to go to Canada again next September and that is what I'm aiming for. Shock and surprise and awe.
Anyway. N isn't disordered, unless you consider the fact that she's addicted to food. She had to bust her ass at a gym doing cardio every day for the fat to slowly melt off. She said she's really struggled with her weight, at one point she gained it all back and had to start over, and she fluctuates by about 20lbs at any given time. But she looks amazing. And I am ridiculously jealous.
But anyway, I'm completely off topic, haha. I wish I had her dedication to the gym. Hopefully when I get back from Canada I'll have enough spare money to re-join the gym by work so I can stop by every day for an hour or two before heading home. Just need to get my finances sorted out so I can do it (my gym costs £50 a month haha)
Anyway, today turned out to be a pretty good day even though my plans were changed slightly. Tomorrow is Friday so it's automatically a great day. And while I'm not looking forward to the calories involved on Saturday, I'm very much looking forward to seeing S and L. We get together every week or two, and we didn't see eachother last weekend so it feels like FOREVERRR.
Anyway. Hope you guys are all having a good day. Stay strong!
Vee xox
Wednesday, 29 July 2009
Roundup
So. Starting weight this morning: 207.8 - yep, that's really where I'm at right now, and it's shit =/ But at least the number is dropping!
Calore intake was as originally outlined, but I also had a handful of little pretzels, so I'm going to tack on an estimate of say 70 calories? Not too bad.
So total for the day comes to.. 453. Which is higher than yesterday but still perfectly acceptable =]
I still can't believe how well this week has gone so far - the shitty sleeping issues aside of course. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up.
Tomorrow I'm aiming for more of the same... but I might go the extra mile and just have a 10 calorie soup for dinner instead. I'm aiming to keep my intake under 100 tomorrow with 2 ten calorie soups and a handful of grapes at work. Wish me luck!
Calore intake was as originally outlined, but I also had a handful of little pretzels, so I'm going to tack on an estimate of say 70 calories? Not too bad.
So total for the day comes to.. 453. Which is higher than yesterday but still perfectly acceptable =]
I still can't believe how well this week has gone so far - the shitty sleeping issues aside of course. Hopefully I'll be able to keep it up.
Tomorrow I'm aiming for more of the same... but I might go the extra mile and just have a 10 calorie soup for dinner instead. I'm aiming to keep my intake under 100 tomorrow with 2 ten calorie soups and a handful of grapes at work. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, 28 July 2009
330
Total for the day: 330.
I went over by 100 because I was craving salt, so had some of that healthy popcorn to sate the craving. Still, 330 isn't too shabby if I do say so myself. The popcorn is great, because 100 calories is the whole bag, and it really fills you up. The downside is that it feels like a binge, even though I had LESS calories than I did yesterday.
I've got a headache tonight, no doubt due to dehydration. I need to start bringing bottles of water to work with me or something - the water cooler at work for some reason gives me heartburn =[
Going to go lie down and hope the headache will abate a little now that I've eaten my main meal and had a few glasses of water to drink.
Hi to all my new followers by the way =]
Vee xox
I went over by 100 because I was craving salt, so had some of that healthy popcorn to sate the craving. Still, 330 isn't too shabby if I do say so myself. The popcorn is great, because 100 calories is the whole bag, and it really fills you up. The downside is that it feels like a binge, even though I had LESS calories than I did yesterday.
I've got a headache tonight, no doubt due to dehydration. I need to start bringing bottles of water to work with me or something - the water cooler at work for some reason gives me heartburn =[
Going to go lie down and hope the headache will abate a little now that I've eaten my main meal and had a few glasses of water to drink.
Hi to all my new followers by the way =]
Vee xox
Monday, 27 July 2009
Roundup!
Whoo, so today has wound up being a good day foodwise.
Lunch:
soup : 10 calories
Dinner:
6.5 canned hot dogs: 295 (I miscalculated before =[)
1 small of thin-sliced wholemeal bread: 50ish
Total for the day: approx 360 calories.
More than I'd originally thought it would be, but still decent, methinks =]
Fingers crossed the scale will reflect it tomorrow.
I'm going (back) to bed now so I'll talk to you all tomorrow
Vee xox
Lunch:
soup : 10 calories
Dinner:
6.5 canned hot dogs: 295 (I miscalculated before =[)
1 small of thin-sliced wholemeal bread: 50ish
Total for the day: approx 360 calories.
More than I'd originally thought it would be, but still decent, methinks =]
Fingers crossed the scale will reflect it tomorrow.
I'm going (back) to bed now so I'll talk to you all tomorrow
Vee xox
Sunday, 26 July 2009
Progress, Baby!
So, I haven't had a chance to do any "roundup" posts this weekend, but not a lot has happened anyway. Friday morning when I woke up, I'd dropped exactly 2lbs from Thursday morning. I didn't lose any this weekend, but I maintained, which is at least something (especially when my aunt noticed I hadn't eaten in the morning and I had to get something from the fish-and-chip shop with the family yesterday afternoon - didn't eat much, still felt guilty as all fuck and sick to boot, BUT I DIDN'T GAIN which is excellent).
I'm not at a point right now where I'm comfortable posting my actual weight. Hopefully I'll get back within a comfortable zone soon.
Oh also, a quick note to Dot: Thank you for your comments my dear, I adore you =] I'll get around to giving you some real responses hopefully tomorrow (I'm posting this and then going to bed haha) but I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful words and for reading my blog <3
Seeing my great-aunt and uncle yesterday was not what I expected. What with the news that we had about the cancer and the crappy life expectancy, I was kind of expecting her to be emaciated and very sickly looking and frail. But she wasn't. She looked a little bit drawn and off-colour, but aside from that she looked exactly the same as always. Which kind of made it harder, in a sense, I guess. It was a little awkward as well. I was sitting on the floor, so everyone else could sit on my granny's sofa and chairs, and I kept wanting to stare at her, seeking signs of illness in the way she looked or the way she moved or held herself or something. But then of course, I couldn't very well just sit and stare, so I had to make polite conversation instead. Of course, I couldn't concentrate and made a super shitty conversationalist. Even my usual witty one-liners were severely lacking.
This conversation happened while I was fidgeting inside the chip shop with my great-uncle while my grandpa ran across the street to get my aunt some diet coke:
Uncle: So what are you, my great-neice or something?
Me: Yep, great neice. Better than a regular neice!
Uncle: *stiff laughter*
I mean I'm not the BEST in most social situations to begin with, but my god that was the most awkward ten minutes in recent history. He complimented my teeth (I still had braces the last time I saw him) and I started rambling on. Sigh. I'm embarassed and cringing remembering.
After we ate, my aunts and my cousin and I went back to our house to let the dog out, and my cousin had a wander around the house and went through our CD case. Then we were off to the cinema, got some drinks, and went to settle down in the theatre. First my cousin was a bit weirded out because it was one of the largest screens in the cinema, and we sat at the back, so I think he was concerned that he would somehow fall down and it was a long way up. Then, he'd got a large pop, and after every sip he burped very LOUDLY, which was a little offputting. I mean I love him and I guess he can't help it, but I can be pretty banal about people not being quiet at the cinema... even though I'd already seen the movie, haha.
I wanted to stay up late last night just so I wasn't wasting away my weekend, but fell asleep just after midnight. Woke up this morning with a killer headache, so I stayed in bed until... 12:30 or so? I didn't sleep the entire time of course, but still felt ridiculously lazy. At one point, I was laid on my stomach and I lifted my upper body and turned my head to the side to stretch - by then, my body was sore from being in bed for twelve hours - and honestly thought I'd pulled a muscle in my neck. It hurt all down one side and was throbbing horribly. I kept rubbing it and pressed my face into the pillow so my neck was straight, and after about half an hour it started to abate.. although it feels a bit sensitive now.
There's always something isn't there?
Anyway, due to my headache I had a bit of a binge on bread, but that's all I ate today so I'm hoping the results aren't TOO disastrous to behold on the scale tomorrow morning =/
In more positive news, I've restocked on healthy food. I have two small snack-sized tins of Tuna in the cupboard, which can serve as a lunch or something next weekend. A bag of grapes that will last a couple of days worth of lunch at work. A few weight watchers' frozen meals, that are all under 350 calories. So, if that's all I have in a day, I should be ok. I've got a load of 10 calorie soups too, so they'll carry me over and keep me warm, and I've still got a ton of green tea and splenda sweetener tablets on my desk at work. And that is all I am planning on consuming this week.
My aunt's made a few interesting...
Ok. Before I continue, it must be known that I am getting VERY VERY FUCKED OFF WITH MY LAPTOP (yeah, I caved and bought a laptop, and went against what everyone said and got a Dell Studio 15 and upgraded it because it was the cheapest for what I wanted and OH GOD I AM SO STUPID). As I'm typing, my pinkie nail must be hitting a button when I go to hit the shift key because FOUR TIMES NOW I've been typing when suddenly the fucking thing has highlighted a full paragraph of text and deleted all but half of the first line. STOP DOING THAT!
Okay, back to the post.
My aunt's made a few interesting comments this weekend. She started her pre-surgery yogurt-and-milk diet on Friday - two fat-free yogurts and 3 pints of milk per day, to be supplemented only with water or diet/sugar-free drinks like diet coke or sugarfree juice. Now, like me, she's a bit lactose intolerant. Not in the sense that, if she has a spoon of ice cream or some milk in her tea, she'll immediately projectile vomit, or anything. More in the sense that often her body rejects copious amounts of dairy products. Most obvious is when she eats something cheesy, and her stomach gets really upset afterward. This happens to me, too. Sometimes eating yogurt or ice cream or having tea with too much milk in it will make me feel nausous or give me an upset stomach. Cheese almost ALWAYS makes me sick, and if I were to drink a glass of milk on its own I *would* be sick.
But I'm digressing.
So, on Friday she did alright with her diet, but wasn't feeling fabulous. Yesterday she got through the day, although feeling nauseous almost constantly. Then last night, after she took her tablets, she almost immediately had to run upstairs to vomit up the milk she'd just had - along with most of the yogurt she'd had during the day too. Apparently, it looked and tasted like sour milk. And dude, that comment on its own almost made ME sick.
So, she said in passing that "obviously she can't have the milk" and "she might as well just do an anorexic diet and have nothing but yogurt and water for the next ten days" adding that she "could do it if it was just a ten-day water fast or something" but that it was the milk that was making it hard for her.
And I so badly wanted to scream and say, then why do people make such a big deal when I skip lunch? For chrissakes, she can sit there and say with a straight face that she could fast for ten days? I bet if I even mentioned that I wanted to do a three-day juice fast or something the shit would hit the fan. But I guess that remains to be seen.
At least now there's less influence as to what I'm eating. And because we aren't all making food at the same time, people are less likely to notice what and when I am eating, so fingers crossed it will be even easier than I thought to get away with it now... but, I guess we'll see. I'm not expecting the pressure to slacken any, to be perfectly honest. I'm just hoping.
Anyway I need to go to bed... I have to make up 3 hours in the next two days, so I can't be late for work tomorrow (unless I feel like working til 7 and hellno).
Hope you all had a fab weekend!
Stay Strong,
Vee xox
I'm not at a point right now where I'm comfortable posting my actual weight. Hopefully I'll get back within a comfortable zone soon.
Oh also, a quick note to Dot: Thank you for your comments my dear, I adore you =] I'll get around to giving you some real responses hopefully tomorrow (I'm posting this and then going to bed haha) but I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful words and for reading my blog <3
Seeing my great-aunt and uncle yesterday was not what I expected. What with the news that we had about the cancer and the crappy life expectancy, I was kind of expecting her to be emaciated and very sickly looking and frail. But she wasn't. She looked a little bit drawn and off-colour, but aside from that she looked exactly the same as always. Which kind of made it harder, in a sense, I guess. It was a little awkward as well. I was sitting on the floor, so everyone else could sit on my granny's sofa and chairs, and I kept wanting to stare at her, seeking signs of illness in the way she looked or the way she moved or held herself or something. But then of course, I couldn't very well just sit and stare, so I had to make polite conversation instead. Of course, I couldn't concentrate and made a super shitty conversationalist. Even my usual witty one-liners were severely lacking.
This conversation happened while I was fidgeting inside the chip shop with my great-uncle while my grandpa ran across the street to get my aunt some diet coke:
Uncle: So what are you, my great-neice or something?
Me: Yep, great neice. Better than a regular neice!
Uncle: *stiff laughter*
I mean I'm not the BEST in most social situations to begin with, but my god that was the most awkward ten minutes in recent history. He complimented my teeth (I still had braces the last time I saw him) and I started rambling on. Sigh. I'm embarassed and cringing remembering.
After we ate, my aunts and my cousin and I went back to our house to let the dog out, and my cousin had a wander around the house and went through our CD case. Then we were off to the cinema, got some drinks, and went to settle down in the theatre. First my cousin was a bit weirded out because it was one of the largest screens in the cinema, and we sat at the back, so I think he was concerned that he would somehow fall down and it was a long way up. Then, he'd got a large pop, and after every sip he burped very LOUDLY, which was a little offputting. I mean I love him and I guess he can't help it, but I can be pretty banal about people not being quiet at the cinema... even though I'd already seen the movie, haha.
I wanted to stay up late last night just so I wasn't wasting away my weekend, but fell asleep just after midnight. Woke up this morning with a killer headache, so I stayed in bed until... 12:30 or so? I didn't sleep the entire time of course, but still felt ridiculously lazy. At one point, I was laid on my stomach and I lifted my upper body and turned my head to the side to stretch - by then, my body was sore from being in bed for twelve hours - and honestly thought I'd pulled a muscle in my neck. It hurt all down one side and was throbbing horribly. I kept rubbing it and pressed my face into the pillow so my neck was straight, and after about half an hour it started to abate.. although it feels a bit sensitive now.
There's always something isn't there?
Anyway, due to my headache I had a bit of a binge on bread, but that's all I ate today so I'm hoping the results aren't TOO disastrous to behold on the scale tomorrow morning =/
In more positive news, I've restocked on healthy food. I have two small snack-sized tins of Tuna in the cupboard, which can serve as a lunch or something next weekend. A bag of grapes that will last a couple of days worth of lunch at work. A few weight watchers' frozen meals, that are all under 350 calories. So, if that's all I have in a day, I should be ok. I've got a load of 10 calorie soups too, so they'll carry me over and keep me warm, and I've still got a ton of green tea and splenda sweetener tablets on my desk at work. And that is all I am planning on consuming this week.
My aunt's made a few interesting...
Ok. Before I continue, it must be known that I am getting VERY VERY FUCKED OFF WITH MY LAPTOP (yeah, I caved and bought a laptop, and went against what everyone said and got a Dell Studio 15 and upgraded it because it was the cheapest for what I wanted and OH GOD I AM SO STUPID). As I'm typing, my pinkie nail must be hitting a button when I go to hit the shift key because FOUR TIMES NOW I've been typing when suddenly the fucking thing has highlighted a full paragraph of text and deleted all but half of the first line. STOP DOING THAT!
Okay, back to the post.
My aunt's made a few interesting comments this weekend. She started her pre-surgery yogurt-and-milk diet on Friday - two fat-free yogurts and 3 pints of milk per day, to be supplemented only with water or diet/sugar-free drinks like diet coke or sugarfree juice. Now, like me, she's a bit lactose intolerant. Not in the sense that, if she has a spoon of ice cream or some milk in her tea, she'll immediately projectile vomit, or anything. More in the sense that often her body rejects copious amounts of dairy products. Most obvious is when she eats something cheesy, and her stomach gets really upset afterward. This happens to me, too. Sometimes eating yogurt or ice cream or having tea with too much milk in it will make me feel nausous or give me an upset stomach. Cheese almost ALWAYS makes me sick, and if I were to drink a glass of milk on its own I *would* be sick.
But I'm digressing.
So, on Friday she did alright with her diet, but wasn't feeling fabulous. Yesterday she got through the day, although feeling nauseous almost constantly. Then last night, after she took her tablets, she almost immediately had to run upstairs to vomit up the milk she'd just had - along with most of the yogurt she'd had during the day too. Apparently, it looked and tasted like sour milk. And dude, that comment on its own almost made ME sick.
So, she said in passing that "obviously she can't have the milk" and "she might as well just do an anorexic diet and have nothing but yogurt and water for the next ten days" adding that she "could do it if it was just a ten-day water fast or something" but that it was the milk that was making it hard for her.
And I so badly wanted to scream and say, then why do people make such a big deal when I skip lunch? For chrissakes, she can sit there and say with a straight face that she could fast for ten days? I bet if I even mentioned that I wanted to do a three-day juice fast or something the shit would hit the fan. But I guess that remains to be seen.
At least now there's less influence as to what I'm eating. And because we aren't all making food at the same time, people are less likely to notice what and when I am eating, so fingers crossed it will be even easier than I thought to get away with it now... but, I guess we'll see. I'm not expecting the pressure to slacken any, to be perfectly honest. I'm just hoping.
Anyway I need to go to bed... I have to make up 3 hours in the next two days, so I can't be late for work tomorrow (unless I feel like working til 7 and hellno).
Hope you all had a fab weekend!
Stay Strong,
Vee xox
Friday, 24 July 2009
New Format? The Daily Roundup
I’m going to try out a new format. It probably won’t work but we’ll see. Right now, I tend to post pretty sporadically, sometimes a billion times a day just to update. What I’m thinking of doing now is doing a post at the end of the day to overview the success/failures of each day.
This isn’t to say that my posting will dwindle from my sometimes ten-posts-per-day frequency or anything. I just think that my Progress Update posts should be a little better formatted and easy to read, in an overview format. I still intend to write the other kinds of posts I usually do, as and when I feel the need to do so (ie: anything unrelated to daily intake and caloric output and weight gains and losses, so things like my cancer post and any other updates).
Some people have separate blogs for this purpose – one to chronicle their lives and thoughts and emotions as a whole, and a second one simply to put the statistics for the day – and I have thought about this, but don’t think it’s for me. As it is, I’ve almost entirely neglected my other, public blog in favour of this one, and I think if I split things up I would just post in one and not the other. We’ll see, though, it’s always an option if this place gets cluttered and messy and maybe confusing. But I don’t really see that happening.
So that said, I’m not going to post totals and stuff in my duringtheday posts. Pff, who am I kidding, I probably still will… But I’m going to have a “roundup” every night to go over everything together, at once. That way any progress and setbacks and trends will be easy to see, just by bringing up the Roundup tag and reading those posts. =]
Stay strong!
Vee xox
This isn’t to say that my posting will dwindle from my sometimes ten-posts-per-day frequency or anything. I just think that my Progress Update posts should be a little better formatted and easy to read, in an overview format. I still intend to write the other kinds of posts I usually do, as and when I feel the need to do so (ie: anything unrelated to daily intake and caloric output and weight gains and losses, so things like my cancer post and any other updates).
Some people have separate blogs for this purpose – one to chronicle their lives and thoughts and emotions as a whole, and a second one simply to put the statistics for the day – and I have thought about this, but don’t think it’s for me. As it is, I’ve almost entirely neglected my other, public blog in favour of this one, and I think if I split things up I would just post in one and not the other. We’ll see, though, it’s always an option if this place gets cluttered and messy and maybe confusing. But I don’t really see that happening.
So that said, I’m not going to post totals and stuff in my duringtheday posts. Pff, who am I kidding, I probably still will… But I’m going to have a “roundup” every night to go over everything together, at once. That way any progress and setbacks and trends will be easy to see, just by bringing up the Roundup tag and reading those posts. =]
Stay strong!
Vee xox
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