My Aglets Are Falling Apart

NOTE: THIS FUCKING THING IS FUCKING ME OFF. IT JUST DELETED HALF MY GOD DAMN POST AND KEEPS DECIDING TO INVENT HTML TAGS WHERE NONE EXIST. FUCK OFF, BLOGGER!

Just a random observation. On my Black-and-Pink Vans Skatershoes, I have a tendency to tie the laces into a normal, boring bow and then, because the laces are ridiculously long, I shove the ends of the bows down the sides of the shoes under/beside the "tongue" and shove the Aglets into the top lace-hole-things to keep them out of the way. This morning when I got to work I retied my shoes and realized the aglets are starting to show mucho wear and if they keep it up I won't be able to shove them in there anymore. But at least they won't be too hard to shove into the shoes with the bows for fear of stepping on them.

Aglets, by the way, are the hard, plastic-coated tips at the end of your shoelaces.

But anyway I'm digressing.

I had the most wonderful start to the morning. And by that I do not mean the "waking up feeling like a zombie with a headache". I got my wish.

On Sunday morning when I woke up I weighed 198lbs. I purposely didn't weigh myself yesterday because after my aunt's enforced Beef Casserole, I was too scared. (On a sidenote, I need to figure out how many calories are in the casserole because it's driving me crazy. I had three canned new potatoes, a scoop or two of the casserole - which really just translates to four chunks of stewing beef with some carrots and onions and a packet sauce-gravy-stuff - and a serving of butter-roasted yams. Sigh. That was the worst part. And I fucking love yams/sweet potatoes). Anyway I doubt I lost anything between Sunday morning and yesterday morning.

Yesterday my plan was to eat nothing and I ALMOST succeeded. All day at work (and I was at work for a straight 10 hours, I might add) all I had was water, some vitamins, and a few cups of strawberry tea with Splenda. When I got home, I chatted to a friend of mine, and that's when I caved - and had a handful of cheese Doritos. Not too many so I'm going to guess maybe 100 calories worth, which in the grand scheme of thing isn't much. So I'm not chalking yesterday up to an overall failure, it could have been MUCH, much worse.

So this morning I woke up and said to myself "I want to be 195" but doubted it would happen. 3lbs in a day is a bit of a stretch even considering I had eaten nearly nothing the day before. But I stepped on the scale and - drumroll please? - 195.0lbs. I was 195 EXACTLY, and that totally set me up for a good day. Booya!

I'm going to try for more of the same today. I'm limiting myself to a maximum of 100 calories, but am going to aim for nothing. At work I've got my water, vitamins, and strawberry tea - and when I get home, if I really feel the need, I'll have a cup-a-soup or a nonfat yogurt, which will keep my total at or below 100 calories.

The best part of this is that I'm not even hungry. If I ate anything right now I know it would just be for the sake of it, and that's no reason to indulge. Eat when you're hungry, and I'm not. Which is awesome.

I'm feeling really positive again. Seeing the numbers drop so quickly really affirms that I CAN DO THIS, I'm not a failure. Yes, I slipped up in the midst of a sickening depression, but I can fix that, and I can keep going. My goal is to try to drop 4 Stone (or around 56lbs) in 5 months. So I'm only aiming for a loss of around 10lbs per month which I think is doable, providing I stick to my guns and don't let weakness consume me. I mean hell, I'm already down 3lbs today, right?

And once again, I'm really looking forward to my aunts going away. On the one hand, I get lonely and like to be around people, but on the other hand I'm actually a pretty solitary person. And it's SO much easier doing this when people aren't hovering over you and asking what you've eaten today. It makes me fantasize about having my own apartment downtown, and just being on my own and not having to deal with the bullshit of other people. I can come home and have a sliced apple with cinnamon and splenda for dinner after work and nobody can say a god damn thing.

The problem is, I really can't afford to live on my own. Not at least until January, at LEAST. I make a halfway decent amount of money, but I also like to spend it. I'm going to Canada in September and Cancun in December and, if I had to pay rent for an apartment plus bills on top, there's no way I would be able to afford that. AND to be able to spend a couple hundred a month on makeup and clothes AND still have savings. I'm accustomed to having money spare, and moving out on my own will make me essentially broke. All the time.

It's not so bad though I guess. To be perfectly honest, once my aunts have their Gastric Bypass surgeries this summer, I don't think they will have any right to tell me off for not eating anything. I've said it before and I stand by it: weight loss surgery is a self-inflicted and enforced eating disorder. It's just forcing them to eat teeny tiny amounts, which in turn makes them lose weight. How is that any different from what we do? (but, minus the will power). I can't wait for them to have the surgery, seriously.

Also, thanks to you guys who have shown interest in the ED-Foodblog! I'm really excited about it. As you've probably seen I've already put together a rather large list of less than 50kcal and 50>100kcal foods. The next order of business is to start getting recipes together. I've already got one, which my fabulously amazing friend and partner-in-crime K has sent to me... which will be added to the blog once it decides to actually appear in my email inbox. I'll be searching the internet and some cookbooks for some, but as always I'd be more than grateful if you decided to send me your favourites =] (On that note, don't worry if you don't have the exact calorie or nutritional details. There's a "recipe analyzer" on http://www.caloriecount.about.com/ that lets you work it out. So if you don't have the info, just send me the recipe and I'll figure out the calories from it =])

Mucho Love,
Vee xox

Day One of The Patented VK Diet Plan

...It doesn't have a name, but V and K are our first initials and it's kind of funny because VK is a yummy alcoholic beverage.

Okay, maybe not all that funny but whatever.

Today marks the first day of the plan. I kind of had a weekend “off”. Friday night we had my wonderful pasta, as I think I’ve written about before. Saturday night we were invited to a friend’s house for takeout, so I had chips and some donner meat. Yesterday my aunts decided we were going to McDonald’s. Yeah. I told them I didn’t want to and got in response “You’ve been off the diet this weekend anyway, you’re going back on it tomorrow anyway, so you might as well have this” etc etc etc. They wouldn’t lay off and take no for an answer. So I ate, and I wasn’t happy about it.

When I got home, I felt sick. And I have to admit, I purged. I think it’s the first and only time I’ve done so successfully. Those who know me, know that I hate purging. Other people can do what suits them, but for me personally, it’s really not my thing. I detest it. Not least of all because of the pain and suffering I’m going through with braces, and I do not want to fuck it up by destroying my teeth with stomach acid. I think I even have some kind of mental block against it, because I physically can’t do it. Ughghh. Anyway. Yesterday was necessary though, and if I’m totally honest, I felt supremely nauseous anyway. McDonald’s sometimes does this to me… the greasy food has an adverse effect on my stomach. So yes, I was violently sick when I got home. And it felt horrible.

Honestly, I don’t know how you mia girls do it. Whenever I’m sick, I always feel totally horrible for the next day or two. It makes me feel physically sicker, gives me a headache, and messes up my throat. That’s one reason I don’t drink very often… I can’t deal with the hangovers haha. Clearly, you’re all far more determined and stronger than me. Which is why I’m sticking to my weekly plan instead. I can see how BPing can be really attractive to some people, but I’m really just not cut out for it.

That aside, the weekend never lasts anywhere near long enough, sigh.

I’ll write more to update later, but I’m at work and really need to get something done before I spend the rest of the day writing here =]

Change Of Plan

As of Monday, I won't be doing ABC anymore.

Well, as of today kind of.

Tomorrow I was going to trade out for my 800 day anyway because I was contemplating having pasta. Now, we're all having celebratory pasta so I'm making it for three instead of just one. My aunt got her letter through to go to an information day before Gastric Bypass surgery, and her partner got hers a week or two ago now. So anyway, that's tomorrow.

Anyway, the news is... a friend of mine, K, and I have decided to make our own plan instead of following ABC. It's still varied day by day, but it's on a weekly rotation. Mondays are the same, Tuesdays are the same etc. There are no incorporated fast days. Both of us feel that fast days work best when you WANT to do them rather than when you have to do it because a plan dictates. I personally do better fasting when I want to do it, when I feel like I can do it, if that makes sense.

So yeah, today is my last day on ABC. The weekend is going to be about restricting but not following a plan, and we're plunging into the new plan come Monday.

So! There's an update for you haha. Wish us luck. =] But I'm looking forward to the new plan. Since the days are the same, it will be a lot easier to remember - with ABC I kept having to refer to my diary or the internet to keep track of where I am and what day I'm on.