I've just been randomly skimming the internet and stumbled across the Calorie Counting Bracelet phenomenon. Maybe not so much a phenomenon as they aren't exactly widely available or anything, but I'm still loving the idea.
It's essentially a beaded bracelet with a charm that hooks onto it. Each bead represents a certain number of calories (all the ones I've seen so far work on a 1 bead = 100 kcals basis, but I'd be more interested in a double-stranded one where the first strand is 10 calories per bead and the second strand has fewer beads and measures in hundreds) and you move your charm over to keep track of how many calories you're on.
I love it and I really want one.
I've found THIS website that sells some two-stranded (20 beads total) calorie-counter bracelets, as well as pretty single-stranded beaded bracelets in various semiprecious stones (garnet for Ana, amethyst for Mia, etc) and with meaningful charms attached. I might buy one of each, but I need a wrist measurement first, and I'm at work so that's kinda not going to happen here.
Anyway, enjoy! <3
Tuesday, 9 June 2009
Advice Time v2.0
I want to get a pedometer/step counter. But I'm torn between two.
Do I get the standard everyday one that calculates steps, distance, and calories, and switches into "Aerobic mode" once you've been walking a decent speed for more than 10 minutes (I think that's for more accurate calorie counting)? (£11)
Or the better model that does the above and also calculates your metabolism and has an exercise mode that calculates intensity in METs, records your exercise "units" (the equivalent of one MET-hour = 1 Exercise unit) and gives you a weekly goal of 21 exercise units, and keeps track of your progress toward the goals (£22)
Which would you go for?
Do I get the standard everyday one that calculates steps, distance, and calories, and switches into "Aerobic mode" once you've been walking a decent speed for more than 10 minutes (I think that's for more accurate calorie counting)? (£11)
Or the better model that does the above and also calculates your metabolism and has an exercise mode that calculates intensity in METs, records your exercise "units" (the equivalent of one MET-hour = 1 Exercise unit) and gives you a weekly goal of 21 exercise units, and keeps track of your progress toward the goals (£22)
Which would you go for?
New Poll!
Just because I'm a nosey bitch =]
This one is just about your favourite way to work-out. I've got another one in mind, which will be about restriction, I think, but that can wait until this one has been done.
Feel free to comment here and elaborate if you want to, I love reading your posts and comments!
This one is just about your favourite way to work-out. I've got another one in mind, which will be about restriction, I think, but that can wait until this one has been done.
Feel free to comment here and elaborate if you want to, I love reading your posts and comments!
About Me
I just realized I've never posted a real kind of introduction here. I was going to write something on the sidebar but it turned out WAY too long. Some of this stuff you guys already know - and I realize it's ridiculously vain of me to assume anybody even cares. But here it is anyway.
Obviously I have a life outside of the world of food and weight obsession. I'm a 23 year old Canadian girl living in England with extended family. I have dual nationality. I'm bottle blonde, blue-eyed, and fat fat fat. Sometimes I think I'm pretty, but that is all. I recently had braces taken off and am far more pleased with the resulting smile than I was anticipating.
I have a love-hate relationship with my immediate family. Except where my mother's husband is concerned. His is just a hate-hate-hate. I love my mother but I have very, very little respect for her and the choices she has made, as a person and as a mother. My sister seems to be finally trying to get her life together; I wish my brother would do the same. I have a nephew, who was born in November 2007, who I haven't met yet as he lives in Canada with the rest of my immediate family.
I can be a geek sometimes; I've been toying with the idea of going to University and taking Genetics & Microbiology classes. However, half the time I come off as an absolute retard. I can also be pretty ignorant about major current events. Politics bore me to hell; I should pay attention, but I can't find it in myself to do so.
I love video games. My favourite are the Silent Hill series, followed probably by Final Fantasy, Harvest Moon, and The Sims. Like I said, geekalicious.
I'm very passionate about music, and my tastes are eclectic. Primarily I listen to a lot of rock music, of varying subgenres - some of my favourite bands can be found in a recent post. I'm a huge movie buff and love going to the cinema. My favourite director is Tim Burton, I think the man is a GOD. I watch all genres, but I particularly love comedies (in the style of Jim Carrey, Will Farrell, Ben Stiller, etc) and horror movies. I love being scared, but most horror movies of today tend to disappoint. I also love me some gore. Like Hostel, or Saw. <3
I'm also a huuuge bookworm. I'm always reading, and usually have more than one book going at a time. I'll read anywhere. At work at my desk during lunch, in a bubble bath, in bed, while watching TV. I used to read in the car, too, but I get super super carsick if I do that now. Hell, I get carsick if I send a text message in a moving vehicle, or look in a glove compartment for a CD.
My favourite authors are Dean Koontz and Chuck Palahniuk. Stephen King also rocks out loud. I'm constantly on the hunt for a new amazing author to discover, so any recommendations will be taken on board and added to my list.
I have a very strong interest in all things related to the paranormal / supernatural / metaphysical / occult / whatever you want to call it. I read tarot cards (or rather, I try to), I have crystals, pendulums, all that fun stuff. A friend of ours keeps referring to me as a witch, but I wouldn't say that's necessarily accurate. I'm just... openminded. And entirely fascinated. I would absolutely LOVE to stay in a haunted hotel or hospital for a night.
This might get a few peoples' backs up, but I don't believe in organized religion. I generally fail to see the difference between any popular (or unpopular) cults and Catholicism or Christianity. I believe that people should be free to believe what they want to, and to not have to stick those beliefs into a very small, specifically-tailored box. That said, I fully respect that some people are religious, and that's fine. I won't preach at them, as long as they extend me the same courtesy. To each his own, is how I feel.
I can be pretty strongly opinionated, and also a moody bitch-cow, which will probably be reflected in my blog, if it hasn't been already. And I'm pretty sure it has ;]
I'm going to cut off here because this is going on forever. But, there's a brief glimpse into who I am outside of the ED-World.
Obviously I have a life outside of the world of food and weight obsession. I'm a 23 year old Canadian girl living in England with extended family. I have dual nationality. I'm bottle blonde, blue-eyed, and fat fat fat. Sometimes I think I'm pretty, but that is all. I recently had braces taken off and am far more pleased with the resulting smile than I was anticipating.
I have a love-hate relationship with my immediate family. Except where my mother's husband is concerned. His is just a hate-hate-hate. I love my mother but I have very, very little respect for her and the choices she has made, as a person and as a mother. My sister seems to be finally trying to get her life together; I wish my brother would do the same. I have a nephew, who was born in November 2007, who I haven't met yet as he lives in Canada with the rest of my immediate family.
I can be a geek sometimes; I've been toying with the idea of going to University and taking Genetics & Microbiology classes. However, half the time I come off as an absolute retard. I can also be pretty ignorant about major current events. Politics bore me to hell; I should pay attention, but I can't find it in myself to do so.
I love video games. My favourite are the Silent Hill series, followed probably by Final Fantasy, Harvest Moon, and The Sims. Like I said, geekalicious.
I'm very passionate about music, and my tastes are eclectic. Primarily I listen to a lot of rock music, of varying subgenres - some of my favourite bands can be found in a recent post. I'm a huge movie buff and love going to the cinema. My favourite director is Tim Burton, I think the man is a GOD. I watch all genres, but I particularly love comedies (in the style of Jim Carrey, Will Farrell, Ben Stiller, etc) and horror movies. I love being scared, but most horror movies of today tend to disappoint. I also love me some gore. Like Hostel, or Saw. <3
I'm also a huuuge bookworm. I'm always reading, and usually have more than one book going at a time. I'll read anywhere. At work at my desk during lunch, in a bubble bath, in bed, while watching TV. I used to read in the car, too, but I get super super carsick if I do that now. Hell, I get carsick if I send a text message in a moving vehicle, or look in a glove compartment for a CD.
My favourite authors are Dean Koontz and Chuck Palahniuk. Stephen King also rocks out loud. I'm constantly on the hunt for a new amazing author to discover, so any recommendations will be taken on board and added to my list.
I have a very strong interest in all things related to the paranormal / supernatural / metaphysical / occult / whatever you want to call it. I read tarot cards (or rather, I try to), I have crystals, pendulums, all that fun stuff. A friend of ours keeps referring to me as a witch, but I wouldn't say that's necessarily accurate. I'm just... openminded. And entirely fascinated. I would absolutely LOVE to stay in a haunted hotel or hospital for a night.
This might get a few peoples' backs up, but I don't believe in organized religion. I generally fail to see the difference between any popular (or unpopular) cults and Catholicism or Christianity. I believe that people should be free to believe what they want to, and to not have to stick those beliefs into a very small, specifically-tailored box. That said, I fully respect that some people are religious, and that's fine. I won't preach at them, as long as they extend me the same courtesy. To each his own, is how I feel.
I can be pretty strongly opinionated, and also a moody bitch-cow, which will probably be reflected in my blog, if it hasn't been already. And I'm pretty sure it has ;]
I'm going to cut off here because this is going on forever. But, there's a brief glimpse into who I am outside of the ED-World.
Confessional
So far, so good.
Last night I stuck to my guns and just had a 10 calorie chicken flavoured soup for dinner. Add two mugs of Dr Pepper Zero, and that was it last night. Added to the cereal-soymilk-yogurt at work and my daily total was 199 =]
So pleased with myself. Even moreso because my daily weigh in registered a drop of FIVE POUNDS since yesterday. Because of that, I'm feeling more comfortable admitting the current state of affairs. This morning I was 199.4lbs. I'm still in denial and can't bring myself to post the number that turned up yesterday, but I'm sure you can all do the simple math. And that is why I felt like a failure. I weighed MORE yesterday than I did when I started this blog.
But progress has been made and the big cut to my calorie intake seems to have done the job. I will readily admit that at least half of it is probably water weight, and some of the weigh in yesterday might have been water and bowel weight - but regardless of the reason for the numbers, the one that turned up yesterday was simply unacceptible.
Today I am planning more of the same. I've had my cereal, I've got another fat free yogurt for lunch, and I've got the 10-calorie soups in the cupboard at home. So all going according to plan today should be 199 calories again.
We may or may not be going to the cinema tonight. J wants to see the new Star Trek movie before she has her surgery (tomorrow) and my aunt said we'd go last night to get it in before the big surgery date. Of course, when I got home from work last night my aunt professed to being too tired and said we'd go tonight instead. J said she had a lot to do (getting all her things together for the hospital, and they're bringing the big TV from the old house tonight too) and wasn't sure we'd have time. Then my aunt was like "Well we don't have to go if you don't want to" and I really wanted to laugh. I wanted to say "J is the one that WANTS to go, you're the one making excuses not to" - especially since they just sat at home and watched tv until 11 anyway, so we might as well have gone to see the movie.
But, I'm digressing. All that is to say that we're planning to go to see it tonight, but then they're not sure it'll happen. We'll see.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I've got the day off work, and we're going with J to the hospital in the morning. She has to be there at 7. Ordinarily I would be near suicidal at that idea, because I am so desperately not a morning person. But since we moved into the new house my sleeping problems have grown more severe (fucking lack of decent curtains!!) so every day since we moved I've been awake between 5 and 5:30. So it's not really a big deal to have to leave around 6 tomorrow morning.
Then, I need to see if I can get my aunt to take me to the mall or to town or something because I need to pick up a couple things. It was my friend S's birthday last Friday and I'm going out with her on Saturday (shopping and planning our trip to Manchester next week and getting out free Starbucks and we're supposed to be lunching at Nandos, which is definitely going to be a challenge) so I need to pick up a card and a present. And I'm at a total loss. I've only known S since like October of last year, but she's quickly become one of my best friends (and I'm pretty sure she used to have an eating disorder because the last time we went out we were discussing diets and my aunts' surgery and she said "Just try the not-eating diet. I did that, and I used to weigh 6 stone until I met L (her boyfriend-now-fiancee)") But again, I'm digressing.
I'm not sure what to get for her. I know she's into Urban Decay makeup but I don't know what she already has and I don't want to buy her something she's already got. Ditto with cookbooks (specifically baking ones). So I might just buy her a leather wallet with butterflies on it that she saw when we went to River Island a couple of weeks ago. She'll probably expect it, because as she was agonizing over whether to get it or not I asked her then and there if she wanted me to get it for her birthday. But at least I know it's something she wants.
And then, I also need to get something for my grandmother. Christ, I can't remember if I blogged about this yesterday or if it was just in the email I sent S in the afternoon. Let me check, haha. Okay, no I didn't.
A couple of months ago I bought a few pairs of Rocket Dog flats. And I love them (I bought 2 each of 2 different styles, and the one style fit awesomely but the other style fits snug so I don't wear them often, even though they're nicer than the others). And, so does my grandmother. So I was going to get her a pair for cheap off of Ebay (where I got 3 of my 4 pairs from") for her birthday. They'd be perfect for summer, if we ever get a summer here.
Of course, then we moved, and I haven't had the internet for a week and a half. I was under the impression we'd have our broadband hooked up a couple of days after moving, but that's not the case. The old broadband was still hooked up, I think it's being disconnected today, and AOL said they couldn't hook theirs up until the old one was cut off. So, fun times. Anyway, now it's too late to order some in time for granny's birthday, since it's this Friday. So I'll probably get her a gift set from Lush or something.
I am queen of the cop-out gifts, it seems.
Anyway, I need to get some work done so I'll talk to you later.
Love you lots!
Vee xox
This is my new leaf. Watch me turn it over.
Last night I stuck to my guns and just had a 10 calorie chicken flavoured soup for dinner. Add two mugs of Dr Pepper Zero, and that was it last night. Added to the cereal-soymilk-yogurt at work and my daily total was 199 =]
So pleased with myself. Even moreso because my daily weigh in registered a drop of FIVE POUNDS since yesterday. Because of that, I'm feeling more comfortable admitting the current state of affairs. This morning I was 199.4lbs. I'm still in denial and can't bring myself to post the number that turned up yesterday, but I'm sure you can all do the simple math. And that is why I felt like a failure. I weighed MORE yesterday than I did when I started this blog.
But progress has been made and the big cut to my calorie intake seems to have done the job. I will readily admit that at least half of it is probably water weight, and some of the weigh in yesterday might have been water and bowel weight - but regardless of the reason for the numbers, the one that turned up yesterday was simply unacceptible.
Today I am planning more of the same. I've had my cereal, I've got another fat free yogurt for lunch, and I've got the 10-calorie soups in the cupboard at home. So all going according to plan today should be 199 calories again.
We may or may not be going to the cinema tonight. J wants to see the new Star Trek movie before she has her surgery (tomorrow) and my aunt said we'd go last night to get it in before the big surgery date. Of course, when I got home from work last night my aunt professed to being too tired and said we'd go tonight instead. J said she had a lot to do (getting all her things together for the hospital, and they're bringing the big TV from the old house tonight too) and wasn't sure we'd have time. Then my aunt was like "Well we don't have to go if you don't want to" and I really wanted to laugh. I wanted to say "J is the one that WANTS to go, you're the one making excuses not to" - especially since they just sat at home and watched tv until 11 anyway, so we might as well have gone to see the movie.
But, I'm digressing. All that is to say that we're planning to go to see it tonight, but then they're not sure it'll happen. We'll see.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I've got the day off work, and we're going with J to the hospital in the morning. She has to be there at 7. Ordinarily I would be near suicidal at that idea, because I am so desperately not a morning person. But since we moved into the new house my sleeping problems have grown more severe (fucking lack of decent curtains!!) so every day since we moved I've been awake between 5 and 5:30. So it's not really a big deal to have to leave around 6 tomorrow morning.
Then, I need to see if I can get my aunt to take me to the mall or to town or something because I need to pick up a couple things. It was my friend S's birthday last Friday and I'm going out with her on Saturday (shopping and planning our trip to Manchester next week and getting out free Starbucks and we're supposed to be lunching at Nandos, which is definitely going to be a challenge) so I need to pick up a card and a present. And I'm at a total loss. I've only known S since like October of last year, but she's quickly become one of my best friends (and I'm pretty sure she used to have an eating disorder because the last time we went out we were discussing diets and my aunts' surgery and she said "Just try the not-eating diet. I did that, and I used to weigh 6 stone until I met L (her boyfriend-now-fiancee)") But again, I'm digressing.
I'm not sure what to get for her. I know she's into Urban Decay makeup but I don't know what she already has and I don't want to buy her something she's already got. Ditto with cookbooks (specifically baking ones). So I might just buy her a leather wallet with butterflies on it that she saw when we went to River Island a couple of weeks ago. She'll probably expect it, because as she was agonizing over whether to get it or not I asked her then and there if she wanted me to get it for her birthday. But at least I know it's something she wants.
And then, I also need to get something for my grandmother. Christ, I can't remember if I blogged about this yesterday or if it was just in the email I sent S in the afternoon. Let me check, haha. Okay, no I didn't.
A couple of months ago I bought a few pairs of Rocket Dog flats. And I love them (I bought 2 each of 2 different styles, and the one style fit awesomely but the other style fits snug so I don't wear them often, even though they're nicer than the others). And, so does my grandmother. So I was going to get her a pair for cheap off of Ebay (where I got 3 of my 4 pairs from") for her birthday. They'd be perfect for summer, if we ever get a summer here.
Of course, then we moved, and I haven't had the internet for a week and a half. I was under the impression we'd have our broadband hooked up a couple of days after moving, but that's not the case. The old broadband was still hooked up, I think it's being disconnected today, and AOL said they couldn't hook theirs up until the old one was cut off. So, fun times. Anyway, now it's too late to order some in time for granny's birthday, since it's this Friday. So I'll probably get her a gift set from Lush or something.
I am queen of the cop-out gifts, it seems.
Anyway, I need to get some work done so I'll talk to you later.
Love you lots!
Vee xox
This is my new leaf. Watch me turn it over.
Monday, 8 June 2009
Good? Maybe.
This weekend was a shittalicious weekend. I mean I didn't overeat (aside from the bag of popcorn at the cinema on Saturday night, but I haven't had cinema popcorn in over a year and a half and I needed to get it out of my system. And after all the popcorn kernel skin crap that got all up in my gums, I'm kind of getting sick of it already) so it wasn't bad in THAT sense.
But it was bad in the sense that I managed to weigh myself and then nearly dropped dead right there in my bathroom.
I can't even bring myself to type or say it. I'm in denial. But this has forced me to really need to do something about it. I mean, the need has been there for a while but I let myself become complacent. Saying, hey, I've eaten more than I should but it's still less than a "normal person" so it's ok. But it isn't okay.
So, back to basics, baby.
Today has been a good day so far.
For breakfast I brought cereal to work. I found this awesome gadget at Morrison's this weekend that is like two pots that screw together. The bottom one has a gel lining and you put it in the freezer (like those plastic cups you get in summer with gel in it and you freeze it so it keeps your drinks cold?) and you put your milk in it and it keeps your milk cold. The top part you put the cereal into, then screw it on top of the milk part, pop it in a bag and you're good to go. The lid even has a foldy spoon in it. Super handy.
So, I bought some unsweetened soymilk. My aunts spent all last night bitching about how horrible soymilk is and yick. But honestly, I couldn't really tell a difference between that and the semiskimmed/2% they usually buy for cereal. Although, I don't like milk anyway so it all tastes just as nonyummy to me I guess.
So I had:
Half a cup of Special K cereal = Around 60 kcals (I'm going off the guidelines for Red Berries, which is slightly more than the one I bought)
Around 100mls of unsweetened Soymilk = Around 29kcals (I'll need to check the carton and do exact calcs when I get home)
That was breakfast. Then for lunch I just had a fat-free vanilla yogurt for 100 calories.
Total so far? 189. Yay, under 200!
Last night for dinner I had a Weight Watcher's Shepherd's pie. And you know what, it was pretty damn good, and only 220 calories. Which is MUCH better than some of the frozen meals out there. I don't think I've got another at home so it'll either be a salmon-broccoli-wedge-melt (around 290?) or a Slimfast Shake (219). Depending on how I feel when I get home I might actually up the ante a little and just have another 100-kcal yogurt
So... That makes my max at under 500, which is live-with-able. But I'm going to aim for that Yogurt because having sub-300 would just feel amazing.
OH SNAP. I just remembered I picked up some 10-calorie soups! Ignore all of the above, I'm having 10-calorie soup for dinner.
Total: 199 Calories.
Fuck. Yes.
We can do this ladies. Fuck yes we can.
Vee xox
But it was bad in the sense that I managed to weigh myself and then nearly dropped dead right there in my bathroom.
I can't even bring myself to type or say it. I'm in denial. But this has forced me to really need to do something about it. I mean, the need has been there for a while but I let myself become complacent. Saying, hey, I've eaten more than I should but it's still less than a "normal person" so it's ok. But it isn't okay.
So, back to basics, baby.
Today has been a good day so far.
For breakfast I brought cereal to work. I found this awesome gadget at Morrison's this weekend that is like two pots that screw together. The bottom one has a gel lining and you put it in the freezer (like those plastic cups you get in summer with gel in it and you freeze it so it keeps your drinks cold?) and you put your milk in it and it keeps your milk cold. The top part you put the cereal into, then screw it on top of the milk part, pop it in a bag and you're good to go. The lid even has a foldy spoon in it. Super handy.
So, I bought some unsweetened soymilk. My aunts spent all last night bitching about how horrible soymilk is and yick. But honestly, I couldn't really tell a difference between that and the semiskimmed/2% they usually buy for cereal. Although, I don't like milk anyway so it all tastes just as nonyummy to me I guess.
So I had:
Half a cup of Special K cereal = Around 60 kcals (I'm going off the guidelines for Red Berries, which is slightly more than the one I bought)
Around 100mls of unsweetened Soymilk = Around 29kcals (I'll need to check the carton and do exact calcs when I get home)
That was breakfast. Then for lunch I just had a fat-free vanilla yogurt for 100 calories.
Total so far? 189. Yay, under 200!
Last night for dinner I had a Weight Watcher's Shepherd's pie. And you know what, it was pretty damn good, and only 220 calories. Which is MUCH better than some of the frozen meals out there. I don't think I've got another at home so it'll either be a salmon-broccoli-wedge-melt (around 290?) or a Slimfast Shake (219). Depending on how I feel when I get home I might actually up the ante a little and just have another 100-kcal yogurt
So... That makes my max at under 500, which is live-with-able. But I'm going to aim for that Yogurt because having sub-300 would just feel amazing.
OH SNAP. I just remembered I picked up some 10-calorie soups! Ignore all of the above, I'm having 10-calorie soup for dinner.
Total: 199 Calories.
Fuck. Yes.
We can do this ladies. Fuck yes we can.
Vee xox
Thursday, 4 June 2009
Long Weekend!
So. Today? Not a good day. Not the worst day ever, but definitely a bad one.
Last night I moved some stuff around in my bedroom and unpacked a couple of boxes, started putting makeup and clothes and things away. The room already looks a ton bigger and I've only taken out three boxes. But anyway, I'm glad progress is finally being made. After work yesterday we had to hit the mall to see the people at the Sky counter set up there to go about signing up for a new package at the new house (the dude there told us just to cancel the old one and sign up at the new house under J's name instead, and we're getting a free Sky plus box, a free standard box for my bedroom, free installation next Wednesday, and our subscription is free for the first 3 months, normally £56, woot) and we didn't get back until after 9 so I was going to just go to bed. After I'd gotten ready to go to bed, I was going to watch an episode of something on my computer and then go to sleep, but at the last minute I had a burst of energy (completely unexpected) so I unpacked instead. Yay!
Of course, today yet again, I was wide awake at 5 and feel like I haven't slept at all. I'm hoping once the treadmill is freed from it's boxed-in corner and I can properly workout, my body will be tired enough to actually sleep through a fucking night. We'll see, but fingers are crossed.
So, I got out some of my old work trousers. And that's where the bad times start.
I bought these trousers probably the first couple of months I lived in England, so we're talking Summer 2004 when I was at my highest weight ever. At the time, they were very tight and I was in fucking denial and refused to buy the next size up. I'm amazed they've lasted, seriously.
Anyway, at the end of 2007 when I broke up with my ex, I had a terribly bad time that did wonders for my figure. I had no appetite and I was being sick every time I ate anything at all - mostly it was entirely involuntary but I will admit that more than once or twice while brushing my teeth in the morning I'd stick the brush back a little further than it needed to go to help matters along. This went on from October until probably May in varying degrees. Between the end of October and Christmas I'd lost 30lbs, just over 2 stone. And I felt amazing. It got to the point where these work trousers were literally falling off. I wasn't skinny by any means, I still weighed around 172lbs, but I was a lot thinner than I had been in years (my weight has been a struggle, always up and down, but usually hovering above 180 since I was 16, which is when it was packed on in the first place). It was to the point where, whenever I walked to the printer from my desk at work, I would have to hold them up, because every step made them shimmy down just a little more.
Eventually I had to buy some a size smaller, and even they were loose. Of course, now they fit okay instead of being loose, not too tight but definitely not how they were (at the time I could fit into the next size down but they were a bit tight and uncomfortable so I had to get the size up, which was just one size down instead of two). It was that "new" pair that split the other night. So last night I got out the older ones, a size bigger.
And they fucking fit the same as the old ones do. I am so fucking depressed because of this, it's unreal. I mean my UK size 18 trousers fit me like my UK size 16s do. How the fuck does that make sense? I know for a fact these trousers are bigger than the other ones, because I purposely bought some that fit tighter.
So I can only assume that I'm even fatter than I thought I was, that the size 16s fit the same as the 18s do because they've been gradually stretched the fuck out by my fat ass.
My mood is completely shit right now and I'm more determined than ever. I will see 175 by the end of summer, so help me God. Ana will help me. She will take my hand and guide me. And she will finally help me to find my smile again.
Vee
Last night I moved some stuff around in my bedroom and unpacked a couple of boxes, started putting makeup and clothes and things away. The room already looks a ton bigger and I've only taken out three boxes. But anyway, I'm glad progress is finally being made. After work yesterday we had to hit the mall to see the people at the Sky counter set up there to go about signing up for a new package at the new house (the dude there told us just to cancel the old one and sign up at the new house under J's name instead, and we're getting a free Sky plus box, a free standard box for my bedroom, free installation next Wednesday, and our subscription is free for the first 3 months, normally £56, woot) and we didn't get back until after 9 so I was going to just go to bed. After I'd gotten ready to go to bed, I was going to watch an episode of something on my computer and then go to sleep, but at the last minute I had a burst of energy (completely unexpected) so I unpacked instead. Yay!
Of course, today yet again, I was wide awake at 5 and feel like I haven't slept at all. I'm hoping once the treadmill is freed from it's boxed-in corner and I can properly workout, my body will be tired enough to actually sleep through a fucking night. We'll see, but fingers are crossed.
So, I got out some of my old work trousers. And that's where the bad times start.
I bought these trousers probably the first couple of months I lived in England, so we're talking Summer 2004 when I was at my highest weight ever. At the time, they were very tight and I was in fucking denial and refused to buy the next size up. I'm amazed they've lasted, seriously.
Anyway, at the end of 2007 when I broke up with my ex, I had a terribly bad time that did wonders for my figure. I had no appetite and I was being sick every time I ate anything at all - mostly it was entirely involuntary but I will admit that more than once or twice while brushing my teeth in the morning I'd stick the brush back a little further than it needed to go to help matters along. This went on from October until probably May in varying degrees. Between the end of October and Christmas I'd lost 30lbs, just over 2 stone. And I felt amazing. It got to the point where these work trousers were literally falling off. I wasn't skinny by any means, I still weighed around 172lbs, but I was a lot thinner than I had been in years (my weight has been a struggle, always up and down, but usually hovering above 180 since I was 16, which is when it was packed on in the first place). It was to the point where, whenever I walked to the printer from my desk at work, I would have to hold them up, because every step made them shimmy down just a little more.
Eventually I had to buy some a size smaller, and even they were loose. Of course, now they fit okay instead of being loose, not too tight but definitely not how they were (at the time I could fit into the next size down but they were a bit tight and uncomfortable so I had to get the size up, which was just one size down instead of two). It was that "new" pair that split the other night. So last night I got out the older ones, a size bigger.
And they fucking fit the same as the old ones do. I am so fucking depressed because of this, it's unreal. I mean my UK size 18 trousers fit me like my UK size 16s do. How the fuck does that make sense? I know for a fact these trousers are bigger than the other ones, because I purposely bought some that fit tighter.
So I can only assume that I'm even fatter than I thought I was, that the size 16s fit the same as the 18s do because they've been gradually stretched the fuck out by my fat ass.
My mood is completely shit right now and I'm more determined than ever. I will see 175 by the end of summer, so help me God. Ana will help me. She will take my hand and guide me. And she will finally help me to find my smile again.
Vee
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Summer Challenge 2009
I'm a bit late on this one, since the challenge officially started back on May 10th, but so much has been going on I haven't really gotten around to it. I'm not going to make excuses either, and I know I'm gained weight. Probably more than I thought I had. I dread to think what my scale is going to say.
And that's one reason this Challenge is a fantastic idea! Motivation, motivation, motivation. And it's something to be done as a GROUP too.
So, here's my stats:
Age: 23
Current Weight: Last KNOWN weight was 198lbs. I'll update once I know for sure.
Goal Weight Loss: 30lbs
Personal Goal: Do either 30+ minutes on the treadmill or Zumba workout at least 6 nights a week (one night a week allowed off to allow for possible migraine interference). Also to complete Level 1 and half of Level 2 of my computer Japanese course.
Biggest Challenges: Work - avoid the canteen at all costs. Going to Manchester on June 19th and there will probably be eating out involved. So the biggest challenge is going to be forcing myself to keep to the game even when I'm out with friends.
Anything else you want to add: Nothing really at this point. I'm just posting this as a starting point, since I don't think I ever really got around to it yet.
You can join in anytime before June 10th by going HERE
And that's one reason this Challenge is a fantastic idea! Motivation, motivation, motivation. And it's something to be done as a GROUP too.
So, here's my stats:
Age: 23
Current Weight: Last KNOWN weight was 198lbs. I'll update once I know for sure.
Goal Weight Loss: 30lbs
Personal Goal: Do either 30+ minutes on the treadmill or Zumba workout at least 6 nights a week (one night a week allowed off to allow for possible migraine interference). Also to complete Level 1 and half of Level 2 of my computer Japanese course.
Biggest Challenges: Work - avoid the canteen at all costs. Going to Manchester on June 19th and there will probably be eating out involved. So the biggest challenge is going to be forcing myself to keep to the game even when I'm out with friends.
Anything else you want to add: Nothing really at this point. I'm just posting this as a starting point, since I don't think I ever really got around to it yet.
You can join in anytime before June 10th by going HERE
Pic Not Related
I need to stop using lame random internet phrases completely out of context.
What I mean is, this entry is unrelated to the usual subject matter of my blog. Although technically I guess my blog isn't about any one thing in particular, just me... which is predominantly my struggles with food. But I'm digressing. Getting off topic on an off topic post, how much do I rock?
So basically I want to know what your favourite music is! Your favourite bands or artists, your favourite fad-songs of the moment and the old faves you just can't turn away from and keep going back to time and again. I also want your guilty pleasures! What are you embarassed to admit to secretly loving? Or what otherwise unbearable music has wormed its way into your heart?
I ask because, well, music is something I'm passionate about, even though I'm kind of a musictard. I generally have no idea what's out and "hip" now because I don't watch much (if any) TV, and I never listen to the radio. So the music I listen to can tend to just be the same stuff, or new stuff by the same artists. Unless somebody recommends something awesome to me.
So, my favourite bands (along with some of my favourite songs by them), not necessarily in any particular order:
Muse
--Muscle Museum, Map of the Problematique, Stockholm Syndrome
Placebo
--Protege Moi, Nancy Boy, Lady of the Flowers, Post Blue, Infra-Red. They also re-recorded their single Without You I'm Nothing with David Bowie. Bowie wrote a harmony to go with the song and they recorded it together and it's fucking amazing.
AFI (A Fire Inside)
--Summer Shudder, This Time Imperfect, Silver And Cold, Girl's Not Grey, Love Like Winter, Miss Murder
Blaqk Audio
--Stiff Kittens, Snuff on Digital, Bitter For Sweet, (the whole album is phenomenal)
Billy Talent
--Nothing To Lose, Devil In A Midnight Mass, Surrender, Pins And Needles
Death Cab For Cutie
--Summer Skin, Movie Script Ending, Title And Registration, Tiny Vessels
Le Tigre
--DECEPTACON (one of my favourite songs ever), TKO, Hot Topic, Fake French, I'm So Excited (cover of the "classic" song)
Marilyn Manson
--The Nobodies, Heart-Shaped Glasses, We're From America, Leave A Scar, Sweet Dreams, This Is The New Shit
Green Day
--Good Riddance, American Idiot, Hitchin' A Ride, Brain Stew, Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, Wake Me Up When September Ends
Martin Grech
--Open Heart Zoo (if you're a fan of Tim Burton movie soundtracks / Danny Elfman's music, listen to this), Here It Comes, Erosion & Regeneration
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
--Maps, Gold Lion, Black Tongue, Tick
Michael Jackson (I was obsessed with him when I was a kid and it wouldn't be fair not to include him in this list. Let's face it, he might be a total whack-job, but the man is fucking legendary)
My Guilty Pleasures:
Savage Garden - Another band I was obsessed with in my teens. In fact, I'm pretty sure their second album Affirmation was the first CD I ever bought (purchased at the same time as I bought the Sailor Moon Series 1 Soundtrack, haha)
J-Pop - Yeah. Sugary Japanese pop music aimed primarily at kids. I can't help it, it's catchy and it's cute, and they're all gorgeous and skinny. Particular groups of note: Mini Moni, W (two members of Mini Moni), Yaguchi Mari (Ex-Leader of Mini Moni). I swear to god. Youtube any song by Mini Moni and you will be ready to have me committed. My current favourite is the song "Samidare Koi Uta" by the band W (Double You). Honestly, youtube it right now. I'm already wincing in anticipation.
Hanson - Not old-school MmmBop Hanson (I bet I've just ruined your day by even mentioning that song). A few years ago they came out with an album called This Time Around, where they were trying to put off a more rock-and-roll persona and taking themselves very seriously. At the time I was in either Junior High or High School and I was in LOVE with Taylor Hanson. I still get a couple of the songs stuck in my head every so often now. Songs of note are A Song To Sing and Save Me
Danny Elfman - You might not know that you know who Danny Elfman is, but if you've ever seen a movie by Tim Burton (such as Edward Scissorhands or Sweeney Todd) you've heard his work. Danny Elfman is a composer who does the soundtracks to I think EVERY Tim Burton movie (Yes, including Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). He also did the theme song for The Simpsons. Yep. Anyway, I'm completely in love with his style. It's so eerie and dark and beautiful at the same time. His music completely MADE The Nightmare Before Christmas, in my opinion. This isn't really a GUILTY pleasure since it's general knowledge that I love Danny Elfman and Tim Burton, but it didn't really fit under Favourite Bands, either. I've got the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack on my iPod and listened to the whole thing on the bus this morning. And it put such a smile on my face, I bet the other people thought I was listening to prank phone calls or animal porn.
This has also reminded me that I'll be putting a playlist around somewhere. I don't really have any thinspo songs like a lot of you girls do, so it'll just be music that is close to my heart and that I want to share with you =].
What I mean is, this entry is unrelated to the usual subject matter of my blog. Although technically I guess my blog isn't about any one thing in particular, just me... which is predominantly my struggles with food. But I'm digressing. Getting off topic on an off topic post, how much do I rock?
So basically I want to know what your favourite music is! Your favourite bands or artists, your favourite fad-songs of the moment and the old faves you just can't turn away from and keep going back to time and again. I also want your guilty pleasures! What are you embarassed to admit to secretly loving? Or what otherwise unbearable music has wormed its way into your heart?
I ask because, well, music is something I'm passionate about, even though I'm kind of a musictard. I generally have no idea what's out and "hip" now because I don't watch much (if any) TV, and I never listen to the radio. So the music I listen to can tend to just be the same stuff, or new stuff by the same artists. Unless somebody recommends something awesome to me.
So, my favourite bands (along with some of my favourite songs by them), not necessarily in any particular order:
Muse
--Muscle Museum, Map of the Problematique, Stockholm Syndrome
Placebo
--Protege Moi, Nancy Boy, Lady of the Flowers, Post Blue, Infra-Red. They also re-recorded their single Without You I'm Nothing with David Bowie. Bowie wrote a harmony to go with the song and they recorded it together and it's fucking amazing.
AFI (A Fire Inside)
--Summer Shudder, This Time Imperfect, Silver And Cold, Girl's Not Grey, Love Like Winter, Miss Murder
Blaqk Audio
--Stiff Kittens, Snuff on Digital, Bitter For Sweet, (the whole album is phenomenal)
Billy Talent
--Nothing To Lose, Devil In A Midnight Mass, Surrender, Pins And Needles
Death Cab For Cutie
--Summer Skin, Movie Script Ending, Title And Registration, Tiny Vessels
Le Tigre
--DECEPTACON (one of my favourite songs ever), TKO, Hot Topic, Fake French, I'm So Excited (cover of the "classic" song)
Marilyn Manson
--The Nobodies, Heart-Shaped Glasses, We're From America, Leave A Scar, Sweet Dreams, This Is The New Shit
Green Day
--Good Riddance, American Idiot, Hitchin' A Ride, Brain Stew, Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, Wake Me Up When September Ends
Martin Grech
--Open Heart Zoo (if you're a fan of Tim Burton movie soundtracks / Danny Elfman's music, listen to this), Here It Comes, Erosion & Regeneration
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
--Maps, Gold Lion, Black Tongue, Tick
Michael Jackson (I was obsessed with him when I was a kid and it wouldn't be fair not to include him in this list. Let's face it, he might be a total whack-job, but the man is fucking legendary)
My Guilty Pleasures:
Savage Garden - Another band I was obsessed with in my teens. In fact, I'm pretty sure their second album Affirmation was the first CD I ever bought (purchased at the same time as I bought the Sailor Moon Series 1 Soundtrack, haha)
J-Pop - Yeah. Sugary Japanese pop music aimed primarily at kids. I can't help it, it's catchy and it's cute, and they're all gorgeous and skinny. Particular groups of note: Mini Moni, W (two members of Mini Moni), Yaguchi Mari (Ex-Leader of Mini Moni). I swear to god. Youtube any song by Mini Moni and you will be ready to have me committed. My current favourite is the song "Samidare Koi Uta" by the band W (Double You). Honestly, youtube it right now. I'm already wincing in anticipation.
Hanson - Not old-school MmmBop Hanson (I bet I've just ruined your day by even mentioning that song). A few years ago they came out with an album called This Time Around, where they were trying to put off a more rock-and-roll persona and taking themselves very seriously. At the time I was in either Junior High or High School and I was in LOVE with Taylor Hanson. I still get a couple of the songs stuck in my head every so often now. Songs of note are A Song To Sing and Save Me
Danny Elfman - You might not know that you know who Danny Elfman is, but if you've ever seen a movie by Tim Burton (such as Edward Scissorhands or Sweeney Todd) you've heard his work. Danny Elfman is a composer who does the soundtracks to I think EVERY Tim Burton movie (Yes, including Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). He also did the theme song for The Simpsons. Yep. Anyway, I'm completely in love with his style. It's so eerie and dark and beautiful at the same time. His music completely MADE The Nightmare Before Christmas, in my opinion. This isn't really a GUILTY pleasure since it's general knowledge that I love Danny Elfman and Tim Burton, but it didn't really fit under Favourite Bands, either. I've got the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack on my iPod and listened to the whole thing on the bus this morning. And it put such a smile on my face, I bet the other people thought I was listening to prank phone calls or animal porn.
This has also reminded me that I'll be putting a playlist around somewhere. I don't really have any thinspo songs like a lot of you girls do, so it'll just be music that is close to my heart and that I want to share with you =].
Fuck
Last night I received the final bit of motivation I needed to get back on track fully.
After work I met J at the old house so we could pick up a few more small things to take back to the new house. I had to get the hanger pole things and the last 2 drawers for my wardrobe. I put a couple extra small things in it and bent over to pick them up off the floor - and the fucking seam in my work trousers split.
Embarassing and pissed-off-making.
I wouldn't say they fit any tighter than they did a week, two weeks, three weeks ago or anything. And it might be wear and tear since I've been wearing them constantly (well not CONSTANTLY, I'm not a grodey girl, but a lot of wearing, washing, and ironing) for the past year and a half.
But it was still horrible and made me feel ridiculously fat assed.
So, that was that.
Today my meal plan is as follows:
1/2 Strawberry SlimFast shake for Breakfast
1/2 Strawberry SlimFast shake for Lunch
At home, my aunt bought a small pizza to cook for dinner and the best before date is today. If she cooks it, I'll have a piece and cut my losses and not have anything else. If she forgets then yay we can throw them away and I can have a yogurt instead =]
If I can do the yogurt, it will get my total daily calorie intake down to 312. Tomorrow will be probably nothing at work at all, and then a 350-kcal frozen weight watcher's meal at home. Right now we don't have a lot of food at home, which is good and bad. Good because yay not much food! Bad because there's no "healthy" food. Our freezer has some frozen meals in it, which aren't too bad, since they're all under 400 calories per serving. And if that's all I have in a day, then that's just fine. But I would rather have fruit and yogurt. I might buy some stuff to make lettuce soup this week too, becaue at 35 calories a bowl you can not go wrong.
The only problem being that our stove is apparently totally fucked. The oven has two settings that work: Off and Hot As The Pits Of Hell (also known to the layman as "full blast") and the electric hob works randomly or not at all. Sigh.
I'd like to try some kind of new diet. Like a raw food diet. The problem is, I know I'd get bored. I'm kind of tempted to "Go Vegan" because it gives me more sway with the family if anyone questions what I'm eating but... the truth is, I probably couldn't. Cheese is something I don't eat very often, but it's still there for an occasional treat.
Although, that's probably my problem right there. I need to not bank on having that occasional treat.
Anyway, tonight will be a busy night. I need to get my ass in gear and unpack. I put it off last night because I had a killer fucking headache and I had to wash-dry-straighten my hair which took forever. It's looking daunting because half the shit in my room isn't even mine. The gaming chair, the box of DVDs, the DVD player, all belong in my aunt's room or the Office. But the office still has boxes in it. Fuck it, I'm moving that shit out anyway, I need it out of my room. Because the boxes that I need to unpack are in front of all the drawers that I need to unpack them INTO. God.
Did I mention I fucking hate moving?
But I need to get unpacked. Not just because I don't know where anything is (seriously, I can't remember which box has my makeup removers and cotton balls in them, so I had to buy some new makeup remover but forgot cotton balls. And toilet paper leaves bits of its fibres everywhere and gets in your eyes and it sucks. Ugh), but so I can get the treadmill out. I'm looking forward to it.
And I'm kind of looking forward to the possibility of HAVING to walk a mile to and from my bus stop in the morning. Next Wednesday J is having her operation and will be off work for I think 8 weeks, so she won't be driving me to the stop in the morning. My aunt rarely works early shifts, so I won't be able to grab a ride with her either. So that leaves me only the option of walking.
Pros:
Exercise! YAAAAAY!
Cons:
Having to do it in work clothes and shoes
Rain
Nowhere to shower afterward if I get sweaty
I mean, I realize it's only a mile but I'd rather speedwalk and get my heartrate up than spend two hours on a leisurely stroll. Plus my handbag is huge and fucking heavy so it's like speedwalking with a lead weight over one shoulder hehe.
But I digress. When I get home tonight I must also remember to burn those Zumba DVDs so I can get my aerobics on.
Wow. Isn't it funny how a blog entry can totally change your perspective? When I started I was feeling all depressed and pissed off. Now I'm excited about upcoming exercise woot!
Oh also, more excitedness!
Muse is playing in my city in November! <3 I found out this morning and emailed my good buddy S and I'm booking our tickets Friday morning as soon as they go on sale. TOTALLY STOKED! Also preordered their new CD. And Placebo's new CD which is out on Monday. Love!
Sigh. I missed the last Placebo concert in May because it was the day my aunts left for Spain and I had shit to do. Placebo is also playing Manchester in December, but unfortunately I'm in Cancun when they're doing their UK tour dates. Green Day is totally sold out. So I'm not happy about that. But I've been dying to see Muse for EVER (I've been dying to see Green Day too but whatever, and I've already seen Placebo twice, even though they are AMAZING live and I need to see them again) so that's perked me right up.
I'm hoping Marilyn Manson will announce another tour soon, what with the release of his new album The High End Of Low (which is pretty good by the way. My favourite track is We're From America, which is fucking hilarious in a sarcastically offensive kind of way)
Have a great one darlings!
Vee xox
After work I met J at the old house so we could pick up a few more small things to take back to the new house. I had to get the hanger pole things and the last 2 drawers for my wardrobe. I put a couple extra small things in it and bent over to pick them up off the floor - and the fucking seam in my work trousers split.
Embarassing and pissed-off-making.
I wouldn't say they fit any tighter than they did a week, two weeks, three weeks ago or anything. And it might be wear and tear since I've been wearing them constantly (well not CONSTANTLY, I'm not a grodey girl, but a lot of wearing, washing, and ironing) for the past year and a half.
But it was still horrible and made me feel ridiculously fat assed.
So, that was that.
Today my meal plan is as follows:
1/2 Strawberry SlimFast shake for Breakfast
1/2 Strawberry SlimFast shake for Lunch
At home, my aunt bought a small pizza to cook for dinner and the best before date is today. If she cooks it, I'll have a piece and cut my losses and not have anything else. If she forgets then yay we can throw them away and I can have a yogurt instead =]
If I can do the yogurt, it will get my total daily calorie intake down to 312. Tomorrow will be probably nothing at work at all, and then a 350-kcal frozen weight watcher's meal at home. Right now we don't have a lot of food at home, which is good and bad. Good because yay not much food! Bad because there's no "healthy" food. Our freezer has some frozen meals in it, which aren't too bad, since they're all under 400 calories per serving. And if that's all I have in a day, then that's just fine. But I would rather have fruit and yogurt. I might buy some stuff to make lettuce soup this week too, becaue at 35 calories a bowl you can not go wrong.
The only problem being that our stove is apparently totally fucked. The oven has two settings that work: Off and Hot As The Pits Of Hell (also known to the layman as "full blast") and the electric hob works randomly or not at all. Sigh.
I'd like to try some kind of new diet. Like a raw food diet. The problem is, I know I'd get bored. I'm kind of tempted to "Go Vegan" because it gives me more sway with the family if anyone questions what I'm eating but... the truth is, I probably couldn't. Cheese is something I don't eat very often, but it's still there for an occasional treat.
Although, that's probably my problem right there. I need to not bank on having that occasional treat.
Anyway, tonight will be a busy night. I need to get my ass in gear and unpack. I put it off last night because I had a killer fucking headache and I had to wash-dry-straighten my hair which took forever. It's looking daunting because half the shit in my room isn't even mine. The gaming chair, the box of DVDs, the DVD player, all belong in my aunt's room or the Office. But the office still has boxes in it. Fuck it, I'm moving that shit out anyway, I need it out of my room. Because the boxes that I need to unpack are in front of all the drawers that I need to unpack them INTO. God.
Did I mention I fucking hate moving?
But I need to get unpacked. Not just because I don't know where anything is (seriously, I can't remember which box has my makeup removers and cotton balls in them, so I had to buy some new makeup remover but forgot cotton balls. And toilet paper leaves bits of its fibres everywhere and gets in your eyes and it sucks. Ugh), but so I can get the treadmill out. I'm looking forward to it.
And I'm kind of looking forward to the possibility of HAVING to walk a mile to and from my bus stop in the morning. Next Wednesday J is having her operation and will be off work for I think 8 weeks, so she won't be driving me to the stop in the morning. My aunt rarely works early shifts, so I won't be able to grab a ride with her either. So that leaves me only the option of walking.
Pros:
Exercise! YAAAAAY!
Cons:
Having to do it in work clothes and shoes
Rain
Nowhere to shower afterward if I get sweaty
I mean, I realize it's only a mile but I'd rather speedwalk and get my heartrate up than spend two hours on a leisurely stroll. Plus my handbag is huge and fucking heavy so it's like speedwalking with a lead weight over one shoulder hehe.
But I digress. When I get home tonight I must also remember to burn those Zumba DVDs so I can get my aerobics on.
Wow. Isn't it funny how a blog entry can totally change your perspective? When I started I was feeling all depressed and pissed off. Now I'm excited about upcoming exercise woot!
Oh also, more excitedness!
Muse is playing in my city in November! <3 I found out this morning and emailed my good buddy S and I'm booking our tickets Friday morning as soon as they go on sale. TOTALLY STOKED! Also preordered their new CD. And Placebo's new CD which is out on Monday. Love!
Sigh. I missed the last Placebo concert in May because it was the day my aunts left for Spain and I had shit to do. Placebo is also playing Manchester in December, but unfortunately I'm in Cancun when they're doing their UK tour dates. Green Day is totally sold out. So I'm not happy about that. But I've been dying to see Muse for EVER (I've been dying to see Green Day too but whatever, and I've already seen Placebo twice, even though they are AMAZING live and I need to see them again) so that's perked me right up.
I'm hoping Marilyn Manson will announce another tour soon, what with the release of his new album The High End Of Low (which is pretty good by the way. My favourite track is We're From America, which is fucking hilarious in a sarcastically offensive kind of way)
Have a great one darlings!
Vee xox
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